Men and women have the same need and longing to connect with each other, but they also have different ways of reacting to stress that can drive them apart. That makes reconnecting depressed partners difficult. Psychotherapist Patricia Love believes that these instinctive coping strategies can trigger the fear and shame that isolate partners from each […]
Depressed Partners
The Loss of Feeling in Depressed Partners
Living with depressed partners can mean living without the feelings of love that are at the heart of every relationship. What is it about depression that could turn intimate companions into cold and blaming strangers? Readers ask about this over and over as their partners start blaming them for their own unhappiness and want out […]
How Depression Spreads
Depression spreads through the closest relationships almost like a communicable disease. I learned the hard way that the illness didn’t happen to me alone. It happened to my children, my friends, and most of all to my wife. The pull of depression took me away from her and everyone else. I often felt I was […]
Can You Be a Therapist for Your Depressed Partner?
A couple of readers have asked me to comment on whether it’s possible or advisable to try to act as a ‘therapist’ for your depressed partner. This idea came out of responses to one of the posts on relationships that has attracted the most attention on this blog: How Can You Communicate After Your Depressed […]
If Your Partner’s Depression Returns
When a partner’s depression ends, a couple may feel happy disbelief as they emerge into the light again from a long darkness in the relationship. They’ve been desperate to understand how an intimate partner could possibly have grown silent, angry, emotionally never there, reluctant to touch or talk about anything. Then suddenly they’re back, feeling […]
Relationships in Conflict: Action Against Depression
In recalling how couples I’ve encountered have dealt with conflict in their relationships, two moments come to mind. These were just glimpses, but they stand out as the extremes. They have inspired me to take early action against depression to prevent blaming my partner for my own internal pain. Once during a visit to a […]
Relationships in Conflict: Depression’s Role
Depression is a natural enemy of close relationships. It helps build tension and conflict as a once-loving partner either withdraws into emotional isolation or turns angry and blaming. I suppose that’s inevitable since the loving support of a long-term relationship doesn’t fit the depressed view of an undeserving and damaged self. Nor does it fit […]
Living with a Depressed Partner
Several readers have asked about the best ways to respond to warning signs and symptoms of depression in their partners. The illness tends to separate two people in many ways, so the question always arises: What can I, the well partner, do when the symptoms start to push us apart? I think the first thing […]
