Lately, I’ve come across a number of questions online by plainly anguished people, asking: Why do I have no friends, no life? The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends. Isn’t it obvious? But I knew so well how much the question implied. Lonely and depressed, I had often asked that same question, or at least felt the need to ask it.
I wrote an earlier post about the difference I experience between loneliness and depression. Loneliness is a sadness at the loss of close relationships. It drives me to reach out to people. Depression pushes me away from them. When I feel these two at the same time – as I can if the depression is not too severe – the tension of these opposing forces makes it all the harder to find the help I need.
Thinking back over many years of living with depression, I can quickly find many reasons why I had such trouble finding a friend to talk to when I most needed one. (I’ll set aside the much worse problem of not talking to my wife. I’ve said a lot about the reasons behind that, especially in this post.) Here are some of the problems from my experience. I can’t say how true they might be for others.
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Sometimes it wasn’t I who had an issue with reaching out but friends who had trouble opening themselves to listen. Many people refuse to talk about depression or other serious illnesses. I first found that out when I had cancer. It was stunning to me that a few people I had known quite well simply disappeared from my life. Though I never heard any explanation from them, my wife and I believed they couldn’t face the risk of emotional involvement and possible loss.
Depression adds another dimension. Many may feel helpless in the face of a friend’s pain and despairing mood. When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings. That’s a language they haven’t learned and never want to know.
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One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt. It’s so strange to imagine that this could have been such a common occurrence, but it was. I stopped myself from reaching out because I “knew” these friends wanted to have nothing to do with me.
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Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone – too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. I ruled out the possibility that anyone could break through the wall I’d put up around me. The result was that I went more deeply into despair. Eventually, the crisis passed, but it wasn’t the isolation that had helped me survive. That only increased the likelihood that I might push myself over the edge.
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When feeling more numb than despairing, I could often get out and talk to people, even at social gatherings. But I became very nervous at what I might say. It wasn’t uncommon for me to make an attempt at getting to know someone or to get into a personal issue with a friend. But the words I found myself speaking were not at all what I intended. They had an edge to them, putting a jab into each pleasantry, souring a compliment with a sarcastic tone, or pouring out so much so fast that I sounded impossibly egocentric and uninterested in anyone but myself. I acted like someone I would never want to know. Of course, people could tell at once that I had “issues” and walked the other way.
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So often, I had to mix with people when I wanted only to hide. I made it hard for anyone to find me, no matter how many people might be in the room or how prominent my role was supposed to be. Emotionally, I lost connection with what was happening and just watched it go by. I felt so small and tried to be invisible. If anyone asked me a question, I’d become tongue-tied, or, if I tried to say much, the words and thoughts came with painful slowness. It was impossible for anyone to talk to me.
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At other times, anxiety and fear could hold me back from talking freely. Taking part in conversation was hard because I had to double-think everything I wanted to say. There was a danger in the simple spontaneity of conversation among friends – a danger for me of any uncontrolled talking. I had to reflect to get the words just so, and then would miss the right moment as talk flowed on to something different. It’s hard to imagine now, but talking freely felt risky, as if an inner violence might escape my control.
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Apart from all this, there was the natural reaction anyone might have at suddenly hearing from me when I was in need of someone to talk to. Wrapped up in myself and in depression, as I was, my reaching out was an attempt to meet my own need in a one-sided way. Not only that, but my friends would not find me at all even if they wanted to listen and offer support. I wasn’t the same person because I was driven by the strange, isolating rules of depression. Even if I didn’t want to be hidden, I was nowhere to be found.
All this added up to a comprehensive strategy for remaining friendless. And that’s what it was – a series of my own actions to keep me isolated from the help that friends might offer and pull me out of the life I’d had with them. This hit me one day when I was the one who was asked to listen to a friend in the midst of a terrible depression.
I met him at a restaurant for lunch one day, and I could tell at once that he had changed in a way that made him hard to recognize. Of course, he looked and sounded the same, but there was nothing in his words or reactions that was like my friend. He was lost, partly in rage, partly in despair.
When I tried to tell him the deep sympathy I felt for what he was going through, that only made him angry. More than that, I felt a deep rage boiling inside him as his eyes stared through me with steel intensity.
It was especially hard to see him this way since I knew I was looking at myself.
What has your experience been in trying to reach out to friends when deeply troubled?
Image: Some Rights Reserved by Ashley_Rose at Flickr
My life story deals with a form depression where as I suffer all alone.. I write this not being sure if this is the proper forum…I am depressed and have zero friends so I guess I can write about it here. Sometimes not knowing is better…
I am a 43 year old engineer who was brought up in an orphanage.. That wasn’t terrible. We had food..decent cloths and medical care and lots of good people to help us along.. I’m fine with that. When I finished college I got into my career and have done better then well.
In my late 20’s I had money to burn so I set out to find my birth mother.. It took a while but I found her.. My normal life ended upon meeting her. She was more the willing to see me.. She was a beautiful lady..Very kind.. and honest..
She had been brutally raped in a shopping center parking lot one evening. The thug was never caught. I’m the product of that encounter. She had the news paper clippings.. The adoption records. Shock doesn’t even begin to describe what I felt.
My heart so ached for her. I apologized for putting her through this.. She felt worse for me.. “You were a child that did nothing wrong” All she requested was for me to never come back to her as she was married and had children. They knew nothing about me…I have lived up to that and so understand.
My life..my social life ended that day. I quit my job.. I never even called my girl friend.. I just left…Sold my house and moved across country.. I wanted to die..I still want to die.. My family tree was grown out of violence.. I have hidden from the world ever since. I once dreamed as a teenager that one day I’d be married. My wife and I would raise our children..
My mind has never been the same.. I feel dirty..I feel like scum.. Where as I once had all sorts of friends..I now live shut away from the world.. I go to work.I do a good job.. I live in fear someone will discover the truth about me…. I don’t the strength to end my life… I should have left it alone..
I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror…
To the poster who is the product of rape,
I read your words with pain in my soul. You were the victim in this circumstance. A victim by definition has no control over the events that transpire during a heinous crime. Please do not despair, and do NOT feel shame for circumstances beyond your control!!! You ARE worthy of love. You deserve to be looked upon not a product of a crime but as the beauty that has risen above it. Your life is beautiful because you live. You are successful and well written. I pray these words do not fall on deaf ears or that you rebuff them. Decide for yourself that you are worthy of love. It will come to you. No one deserves to be alone.
I realize that it’s so much easier said than done, but sometimes in situations such as yours, maybe you were put here to be a testament to others who may be going through or (have gone through) what you have.
You may not always feel the strength to support others, but your story, your empathy, your listening ear may be all it takes to pay it forward or help an individual in his/her struggles. You may also find that with investing your compassion towards others, you find healing of your own.
I don’t normally reply to other people’s problems because I have no right to advise anyone about their issues and I’m not experienced and qualified enough to do that, but was so touched by your story I had to respond from my heart. Only you can come to terms with your feelings and understand you have nothing, absolutely nothing to reproach yourself with and you need to accept that. Don’t let what happened to your mother destroy your life all over again because your mother hasn’t allowed what happened to her to destroy her life and she’s more thinking about herself than you. She doesn’t deserve a brilliant son like you. As for being a product of violence no you are not. You’re more than a product and you’re more than a consequence. None of this is your fault.
I’ve been so depressed lately that I can’t seem to laugh at all. it’s like I’ve lost my sense of laughter and my sense of hope. But God and angels if I happen to see them, I’m so ecstatic. They’re my friends.
Please know that God brought you here for a reason. I’m praying for you.
All I can do day by day is just do what I have to and not expect much. People have their own lives. I depend on guardian angels to protect me. It is fairly normal for me to be depressed. In my mind, if people happen to have happiness luck must have visited them. I’m lucky if I come out of it. I’ve gotten fairly good at blocking anything out I don’t want to remember. If I see God and angels it’s such a wonderful thing.
Being single and all alone without a love life is the worst of all.
I agree. This is my date forever and just knowing that destroys my hope for a happy, fulfilling life.
I used think this. Then I married and had a child with an abusive woman with a very evil or mentally ill (depending upon how charitably one wishes to view the situation) character of Machiavellian proportions.
Now I am sundered from the few friends I had, homeless, working a terrible job for a big paycheck that all goes to her, never see our son, and constantly threatened and kicked around by the “legal system.”
I am not dismissive of the plight of the lonely craving comoanionship; I was there! But I mean it when I say be careful what you wish for. Some happy few mY find the love of a lifetime, hero and friend. But as many or more wind up like me, and – this is important! – there is aboslutelu no way to know which you are getting yourself into beforehand.
Being alone is much, much safer. Take comfort and solace in that.
I hope that you all have a great Thanksgiving! Depression, isolation, shame, regret, aimlessness, burnout, helplessness and hopelessness can shut you down. I’m up reading this article at 2:13 AM. Hang in there. And trust in The Most High. He can get you through this. You may not feel like you matter. You may feel worthless. But there may be several people that you didn’t even know you made a difference in the lives of in your life.
It’s been a while since I’ve been here. By the way, I still feel as if I have no friends. It’s no fun when you’re around an old person who seems to resent you having any fun. It is one of those days when it is cutting a bit deep.
Hi to all who, like me, are beyond depressed and lonely. The train wreck that is my life began its fated voyage when I was 3….I was sexually abused…raped…by my teenaged male sitter. The traumatic experience hit me first at age 13, when I realized what had happened….the full impact of it. It has continued to wreak my existence. Now at 58 I find myself alone after my wife of 30 years asked me to do the Conscious Uncoupling divorce….
I have reached a point where I have learned to live under the spell of depression and isolation….I am an expert at analyzing myself….lol and getting myself uplifted to ride the next wave. I am unemployed, but do have enough funds to live for another 10 years or so. I do have a son who I love and who does care for me, although he is 3 thousand miles away.
I feel alone even though I have friends and family who do care for me….my loneliness and depression comes from having lost my childhood at such an early age….my innocence was stolen from me and I became sick…with a distorted imprinted view of sexuality I haven’t been able to erase from my memory.
I am alone and comfortably depressed, going about these last years of my life without purpose, expectations, desires, hopes. I pay bills, cook my meals, do what I see fit, help those who ask for my help and accept the help of those who extend a hand. I don’t take any psychosomatic drug, they don’t help erase my memories of the past.
As I read entries, such as those from folks who were mercilessly abused, sexually, physically or verbally, it angers me, because I understand their suffering….I know that we can’t erase our horrible childhood experiences, we can only cope with them and try to function as best as humanely possible, sometimes it hurt a lot….and sometimes the memories hurt less….
All my friends are gone. I hate myself for what I’ve done to other people. I don’t talk to my family. My wife is the only person who keeps me going. I am scared I will lose her too. The person I became is not the person I am today, 30 years of fragmented life summed to a new beginning of dealing with the shadow of years creating strife. Guilt overtakes my thoughts on a regular basis, I drift just waiting to die. I miss those who I grew up with, but with them now I would never have grown up. The growing pains are strong, at 33. All the drinking and the smoking and the using; the lying; the fighting; the giving up, it all situated itself at the center of my depression and causes much heartache. I cannot go back and change the things I’ve done, and finding the strength to go about a noble existence is what pains me. My purpose continues to elude me as it’s worldly existence taunts me with redemption. I know there isn’t redemption ahead, only life. Life doesn’t care if I succeed, I can’t figure out if I care either. I feel dead inside at times, sad, angry, a victim, a bad person, or hateful. There are many who I have hurt that would agree I am a bad person. I am guilty of all the bad I have committed in my life. Where is the good? It is so hard to find the good. I’m sorry I abandoned my friends and family. I am sorry to those I betrayed. I am sorry to those I have hurt. I am sad to see those who abandoned me go, but I understand. I am sad to have seen my life wasted so many years, but I know how and why it was wasted. Words show what is inside me. Actions show what I am willing to do about it. If I do nothing, I will continue to fall until I die. I need to find purpose in the least vain ways and atone for my low and despicable existence. I will never get back what I lost. I will, if I do will it, create a new life upon the one that has sprouted.
You could be describing my own life as well as yours. The difference is that I am 62 and now live alone. My second wife divorced me four years ago – I can hardly blame her because I was hell to live with. I lost everything I had worked for, including the things I loved the most, which were my dogs and cats. These creatures were my soul companions in this trial of a life and the pain I felt was almost unbearable when my ex took them from me, in addition to my house and property. At the same time my divorce was occurring I learned that my mother was in terminal decline and I had to make many trips to the U.K. for extended periods to care for her until she eventually passed away. I too am wracked with guilt and remorse for past actions. Sometimes the burden is almost unbearable, but all I can do now is try to soldier on and do better, as marginal as that effort is. Going through the fire is what tempers us and if we work at it a tougher metal is made. If we give in to our misery we just melt. I attempted suicide a couple of years ago, but was found just before expiring and was revived. The utter misery of that awakening in hospital I cannot describe. I have come to the conclusion, however, that I would rather spit in the face of tribulation than let it defeat me. Society and all the shitty things it does to try and break us can just go to hell. I will determine when I have had enough and I will go out on my own terms. Where I come from there is an old saying: “Don’t let the bastards grind you down”. Just know that you or anyone who is feeling pain and anguish are not alone. We are the legion of the lost and we are the tough ones.
Kit –
I say this as a true friend from afar (to you and to everyone here suffering):
surviving on sheer “grit” eventually can make it tougher to you.
Perhaps giving your LOVE would help you? Maybe there is some shelter near you where you could go and visit animals who have nobody to pet them, to love them?
JOY is what gives us strength.
Be well, my friend.
I don’t have friends, I haven’t had a call or text in months. I don’t even know why I pay for a phone. I don’t have a family either. I feel like of I died, no one would notice so that makes my decision easier.
Mee – you really do matter. Everybody is precious and has a purpose, whether you feel it or not. You have a divine and unique gift that only you bring to this world. God sent his one and only Son for YOU – and if it was only for you, it was worth it to him – we are all equal and precious in his sight. I pray you find wholeness, love and peace in the knowledge of your loving creator and that you are never alone. Blessings to you xxxxxx
lived best part of my life alone now senior citizen,always lived as though I was different from others and big family don’t speak of emotions /ie depression anxiety except 1 sister however sad to say she spent most of her life institutionalised,whereas my make-up though similar decided to branch out and live independently;but neverdid find my passion (still looking
hi i’m nisha and i’m 20 years old. I’ve NO FRIENDS AND IT’S BEEN 5 MONTHS AND NO BODY HAS CALLED ME .NO ONE EVEN WISHES ME ON MY BIRTHDAY ,NOT EVEN MY PARENT’S ,WHILE THEY CELEBRATED MY BROTHER’S BIRTHDAY GRANDLY AND MANY OF OUR RELATIVES WISHED HIM BUT NO ONE WISHED ME. I TRIED TO MAKE MY PARENT’S UNDERSTAND THAT I’VE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY AND I NEED TO GO TO THERAPIST ,THEY DIDN’T AGREE WITH ME THEY SAID THAT IT’S PHASE .I’VE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR ALMOST 6 YEARS AND I’VE TRIED TO KILL MYSELF A LOT OF TIMES. BUT THEY DON’T CARE ,WHENEVER I TRY TO TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS SUDDENLY THEY HAVE NO TIME . BUT WHENEVER THEY ARE IN PROBLEM I ALWAYS HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM . NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO GETTING ME MARRIED BECAUSE THEY THINK THAT IT WILL DECREASE MY LONLINESS .I’M TIRED OF MAKING THEM UNDERSTANDING THAT I’M ALSO A HUMAN AND I ALSO HAVE PROBLEMS.I DON’T KNOW FOR HOW LONG WILL I BE ABLE TO TAKE THIS ,HELP ME.GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.
Hi Fahmida, I read your sad, angry and hurt post here today and felt I had to reach out. I am so sorry that your family is so dismissive of you and your real needs. It sounds like you need to take things into your own hands and find your own therapist, maybe even move out of home, etc. I hope you are doing ok as it has been nearly 6 months since you wrote this. My warmest wishes.
I’ve been depressed all my life I want allowed to have friends as a child or growing up I’m isolated all the time now that both my parents are deceased I’m still lonely I have nobody in my life no family no nothing I feel others who I thought were friends and family cared but I see they never did and even if I wanted to have anybody in my life I dont know how to do it being isolated all my life I cry all the time I do have a dog and keeps me going but as I get older I get more depressed I do wish I had someone in my life even as a friend please does anybody know how I can get back life that I’ve missed for so long
I can’t possibly grasp what your life has been like. Being a truthful and out going person, not someone that likes to stay in but instead someone who goes out often. That is truly a way of meeting people. You may think that no one likes you but you need to meet the right type of people, people that truly like you for you.
I haven’t been able to meet the right people. I sincerely believe there aren’t many people like me. I think I’m right. I don’t have much money and plus I take care of my elderly parents. I can’t really count on them for support a lot of the time. I did have someone come up to me in a store and give me a Jesus tract and she said that God loves me. It consoles me to be able to distract myself today and just be able to reach out. I notice when life doesn’t treat me very nice, that it seems worse than ever. I went out to dinner the other day and got carsick and threw up when I got home and I got a nasty remark from my father when that happened. It hurt so bad that I didn’t even care to wake up at all this morning. I was just hurt. I have to distract myself a lot so I don’t notice I’m alone. I really am. Here my brother’s kids came over and I thought they wanted to dance to a video or play the keyboard with me. They don’t do that stuff. Not everybody does. I was so blanking crazy to think that would happen! I don’t feel I’ll ever meet the right people. I feel like going back to bed.
I feel the same I just wish I had someone to talk to,go for a walk with or movie shopping. I have one friend we get together on birthdays and talk once or twice a year. Life is so hard sometimes I wonder God why am I here, what’s my purpose to get up and do the same thing day after day. I know we have to make decisions in life to make life worth living it’s hard when you feel like a outcast and you don’t fit in. I wish there was a group for the friendless hearts club. Your not alone I feel your pain as others on here do also.
Hi as I was reading through the comments I couldn’t help but notice that I’m not alone. So many of us are going through the same things. So I’ve decided to create a Facebook page just for us. A page where we can support, lift up and hopefully help each other out of depression.
Meet me here👇🏼
Facebook.com search “Hope ForUs”
I’m copy and pasting this to every comment, so if you’ve commented more than once you will receive this more than once. Sorry for the repetition.
My mum has passed away 3years ago of bowl cancer I feel so alone I have no friends or family I’m so depressed I don’t go out now Christmas is coming up and I don’t know what to do,I’m a failure my life is a joke I never knew my dad he died wen I was 4 ,you should be straight with them hun its your life I’m here for you maybe we can support each other
Still an adult living at home. Well it hasn’t always gone so smoothly. I felt torn down by my own father the other day and then I felt like I needed to talk to someone else. Then I went to mother and I felt worse after talking to her. I felt treated like I was impractical and not worth listening to. By the way, I have hardly anyone or any friends I can talk to and plus I have almost no social life now. They’re old and I take care of them now. Now as a result I still feel rather sad this morning. I’ve had to distract myself so I don’t quite as much how lonely I seem to be. I really am alone. I have felt rather like a waste of space and a burden and it’s like according to her it’s like no one would like me for the selfish person that I seem. It was the most hurtful thing I’ve ever felt! At least I have some hope. She is thinking of getting me an apartment so that I can get away from being with dad cause being with him has proven to be a bit of a downer. He doesn’t pick me up very much. I don’t have someone to cheer me up. I have a brother who I can email but he’s so busy with kids I hate to bother him too much. It seems I’m fine as long as I don’t NEED to talk to someone.
I’m blown away by reading the comments. How is it that so many of us are struggling with this and no cure has been found. I claim to have the depression Gene. I tried committing suicide at 17. My life isn’t that bad, but it feels like it. I only took an anti-depressant for five years. It did nothing. I’m looking for natural cures, supplements. I have found that a full spectrum amino acid and very high doses of vitamin D make a huge huge huge difference. I take 50,000 units of vitamin D3 once a week. I also eat very good, organic and non-GMO. I truly believe that the pharmaceutical industry does not want us better. Think about it. If we get better we don’t continue on their drugs. They don’t create cures, they create patients. They don’t care about our well-being they only care about their pocketbook.
I tell myself all the time “ Lord take my life or make it better, one or the other.” I find having purpose, true purpose not just a job makes a big difference for me. It’s on days that I don’t have to work and don’t have anything significant to do that the depression sets in. When I run out of D3 and amino acids my life is unbearable and I’m suicidal.
I’m breathing, but I’m not living. Please give the supplement to try, I hope you will find that they take the edge off as they do for me. Hope has to be out there somewhere
Unbelievable, that there is somebody who feels exactly the same stuff. Also, when I run out of Vitamin D and/or protein my life becomes unbearable. Siucidal within hours. Cannot stand cold temperatures anymore, cannot stand a night without sleep, cannot stand all those people outside talking bullshit. Became homophob, isolated, lost connection to everything and everyone. Sometimes I believe that kind of loneliness is able to murder. But what I keep asking myself is…why do I feel lonely when everybody around me IS me? I guess, this loneliness is the basic feeling of creation itsself. I believe because of that feeling of being completely alone (because you are the only one and thing that exists) the universe created itsself out of its longing for itsself. That is it.
I suffer from loneliness, depression, sadness, anxiety, anger,heartbreak, and list goes on. I’m honestly just lost and I cant find my way back. The worst part of it is that I suffer in silence. Im completely and utterly ALONE. I have family, my brothers and sisters but we’re all emotionaly distant from each other due to the fact that our mother passed away last June. It’s extremely hard for us to be around each other, I don’t know why but I know my mom is turning in her grave because of it. My mama was my best friend and now that’s she gone I feel I have no one. I’m 31 years old and I have no friends, not a one. I really feel like there’s something wrong with me. I don’t think people like me too much. It’s seems like everyone I come in contact with, when I do leave my apartment has a problem with me, maybe it’s in my head but it feel real. It’s so frustrating because i try to be friendly and smile at people but I’m lucky if I’m able to get one person to smile back. I’m really at my wits end. I barely leave my apt unlesss I’m going to work or to get food. Food, now that’s my best friend and worst enemy. I try to eat my feelings away and if course it never works I just end up feeling worse about all the damn food I just consumed. My life is a never ending battle and I’m losing big time.
Thinking of you. Prayers for healing….everything will work out. life is ever changing. Keep going….
Thanks Cheri, I really appreciate it.. and same to you.
I’m so sorry to hear that friend. I feel the same way too. I always felt like people had a problem with me too. I tried being friendly and sweet with people but that never worked so now I don’t even try anymore. Nowadays I don’t make much of an effort to talk to anyone because I can’t take anymore rejection. It’s a never ending cycle of loneliness for me and I need to find a way to stop it.
You’re always more than welcome to talk to me. I don’t know if you have a tumblr account but you can always message me there if you have one.
Wow, my story is pretty much identical to yours, only difference is that I’m 25 but I have this huge fear that I’ll end up alone when I’m old. I’m also an only child so once my parents are gone I’ll be completely alone. Everyone around me seems to have a happy life with friends to see, a significant other, and they all get to travel a lot while I have none of these things. And it doesn’t help that these people rub it in my face by posting about it on social media. I’m currently in pharmacy school now and I’m doing terribly, so I can’t support myself yet. Plus
I am on a similar boat to others here. Too shy and lonely! 38 years about to turn 39 soon and it’s been over 12 years since my last relationship back in the day when it seamed I was more sociable! I have a few close friends but slowly but surely most of my friends and I seem to slowly fade away! It sucks! I have a good job, own my car and condo but my social awkwardness kills it all. Everyone at work thinks I’m very outgoing and very nice person, but the other side of me is that I suffer from social anxiety! It’s very frustrating to live a lonely life and seeing the people around you have mates and kids while my life just passes by!
I feel the same which we could get together and spend time getting to know one another.
I feel very much the way that you do a lot of the time. I have suffered with depression since I was a child and one thing that definitely works for me is physical exercise. Don’t get me wrong – it’s no silver bullet but it most definitely helps. I think distraction is another way of coping – distract your brain so it doesn’t have time to think negative thoughts. I saw my Doctor yesterday and he told me that in his opinion (as someone who had been depressed himself previously) books were one of the best ways to combat depression. He believes that (unlike TV or computers) when you read a good book your brain focuses entirely on that action and disconnects from any negative thinking. I really hope these tips might help you in your challenging situation – I feel for you, I really do and wish you all the best for the future.
Don’t feel bad for having no friend. I’m more than double your age and lived with my mother my whole life and have no friend or family. Mine were just dysfunctional and not worth knowing. My beloved mother died very recently without warning and very sudden and she was my best friend and confident too. She was too much of a mother, friend and human being to lose. You have to fight it, you have to try to be strong and remind yourself what your mother would want for you and what she would want you to do. You’re not losing the battle because you’re still here. You just need a push in the right direction and genuine support from those who understand and know exactly what you’re going through.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and thank you for your encouraging word they truly mean a lot.
I am so tired of faking it and pretending everything is ok. When in reality I can barley get myself out of bed everyday let alone, shower. Like all of u my life has been a roller coaster and I have finally reached the point of being burnt out. I am so exhausted of the highs and lows and fighting to get back on track. At age 42, I think to myself what is the point now. At the same time I lay in bed kicking myself with what I am missing in life. Of course social media doesn’t make it any better.
I know I need to get my ass back on track or else I will end up moving back home and living in my parents basement. Mind u I have already done that twice since college and I honesty cannot dig myself out of that
again. I just feel lost at my age and disappointment in myself and how I turned out. 42, never been married and no kids. It never bothered me until the last few years. Now people learn that u are single and no kids and they start to look for the reason why, which doesn’t help with my high level of anxiety. I cannot be honest with anyone and share my depression, anxiety and issues with prescription medication addiction. I am too afraid of the rejection so I just continue to bottle it inside and isolate myself further.
I feel like your speaking my mind! I’m 29 and also suffer with prescription med addiction.
It’s a battle and one in which I fight every day to stay in recovery. I hope u can over come it and not waste your 30s fighting it, like I did. I wish u the best!:)
I am very creative person and its how I pay my bills. Need a graphics designer or a motion graphics expert? I’m the one to call. Even though having these skills ensured that I had all I needed, I’m a very lonely man. At times being alone helps me to be more creative because I am always in my head trying to think of more creative ideas, yet it is no way to live as it has cost me a lot.
Even though I grew up in a tightly knitted family, having most of my friends and family stay around me, I don’t see any of them since I became fed up with socializing. The ones that tried to keep in touch, I sort of pushed them away and they stopped when they had enough of my indifferent attitude. My luck changed from someone who used to have a lot of families and friends around to mingle with, to someone who couldn’t even see a missed call on his phone for two days.
Life has always been a rollercoaster.. Moving back and forth to my dads house and mums house from aged 11-22 my dad passed just over a year ago now he was my bestfriend as well as my dad. He was quite ill and i was his carer. (Not being paid carer. Just he needed help and i was there of course) felt like ive only really had one true friend but shes only wants me when shes get no body else. And it would be nice to actually make some new friends start living my life
Reading this post and all the replies makes me realise just how many of us are going through the same things.
I’ve just turned 32, have no friends, no boyfriend or husband, have been out of work for a year and still live with my parents.
Some days I don’t even get out of bed, except to use the bathroom or get food when I get really hungry. I cry a lot and sometimes I don’t even know what brought it on. But the majority of the time I just feel numb and am just going through each day surviving, not living.
The Dr took blood tests told me I was very low on Sulfur, gave me some pills and told me to change my diet. After talking to me she said she thinks I’m fine and that I just need to get a job to help give me a reason to get out of bed every morning. But I felt like this when I used to have a job. Sure I made work friends but nothing more and they are all getting in with their own lives now. Sometimes I think it’d be nice just to have someone to go to the cinema with or just hang out with. I know I need to get out in order to meet people but I feel so shit about myself that I can’t see anyone wanting to be friends with me anyway. I use Twitter a lot but have just deactivated my acct. cause it was making me feel like shit, when people didn’t like or reply.
Most of the woman my age I knew growing up are settled down with kids. I’m lucky I have an older sister who has made my parents happy by providing them with a grandson. Tbh I don’t even know if I ever want kids. But I guess it would be nice to not be alone all the time.
It’s currently 2:30pm and I’m still in bed and having eaten anything yet today. I foresee another day spent in my bedroom sleeping and watching YouTube.
If I knew this is where my life would be ten years ago I would’ve told myself to change everything, every decision I’ve made has led me here and now I don’t want to be here anymore.
Sorry for rambling.
There is more I could say, but I’m gonna leave it there for now.
Take care. X
I can relate to your story. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this because I know the pain it causes and only people that go through such a debilitating disease will ever understand why we just can’t hop out of bed and be happy and run I’ll day and smile all day and enjoyed living. I live in Tampa Florida. I’ve been depressed and generalized anxiety for over 20 years and it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older as I am 46 almost now. Thanks took a turn for the worst when my father killed him self or year and a half ago and it ripped my heart out. My son is a wonderful and amazing young man who just graduated high school and is off to FSU and I am so proud but most of all that he enjoys to live but he doesn’t understand what I’m going through and why I cry and I’m why I can’t hold a job and I don’t want to go out but you know how all this says. So basically I just want to let you know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or email me maybe it would be a start to lift each other‘s hopes and it wouldn’t hurt to make a new friend. I look forward to hearing from you and I hope you are doing as well as can be expected
Thank you for your reply Tammy.
I’m so sorry to hear about your father I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
I sometimes feel like I don’t even have a right to be depressed, you know like so many people have it worse than I do and I feel like people are just like “get over it.” But you and I both know it’s not that easy. As I said I don’t really have anyone to talk to so if you want to e-mail me and talk I’d be more than happy to do that too. I dunno how you can securely view/send details on here though, but thank you once again for your kindness. X
Emma, I feel the same. I feel like I’ve already been very privileged and I feel ashamed that I pity myself. People that have a lot lesser than I do are happier. There’s still a lot that I don’t know, but I don’t have ANY friends. The ones that I had left me. Now, as I’m scrolling the comments section here, I’ve realised that are a lot of people that feel the same way. We should all be friends and help each other out! And I’m free pretty much all the time, so you can talk to be too! It would be great to have someone to talk to…
U are not alone. I can relate to most of everything that has been discussed. The only light in my life, now, is my dog. Besides that it is a struggle just to get out of bed. I have had my times of struggles, but this time I feel like I have just taken too many of life hits. I don’t have the drive anymore to get back up and keep moving on. I am just drained and burnt out.
Is this it never ever pictured my life to be this way at 55 . I married a looser severe mental issues he hid it very well for two years said he was a pastor I thought how could I go wrong with this man of God he knew the Bible very well he would go up yo podium at read scriptures. Cone to find out he knew the Bible from being in prison after I said I do the abuse started he would chase me with knives I had my mom living with us she had cancer for three years I cared for her till she passed it was her and I the husband was in and out of jail for domestic voilence on household member that was me.i my life has no purpose I live on disability I live alone I sleep all day up all night I can’t understand why my life turned out this way . the emberssment of marring a phsyco .everyone was so happy I had found a good man he had people thinking he was holy n loved me .the holidays are around the corner the dread I have of ,3rd year alone my phone never rings . No one cones to visit me I’m alone day in day out . I don’t know if I can make it another holiday alone. They say God has a plan for us what is his plan for next I feel I’m wroughting away no purpose so why I’m I still here. I’ve cried I have prayed I’m so emty it’s in real.
The real me: not smart, not athletically coordinated, not handsome, painfully shy, tall and skinny boy I am….crooked teeth. I have a lisp. I come from a background where we didn’t have much.
I’ve only been out of high school a year now . When you have the issues I described above…life is lonely. I understand and just tried to do the best I could. Being bullied from the 6th grade to the 12th was just awful.
People who should no better said stuff to me I can’t even repeat. It all bounced off of me as I had a wall around me. But one thing said changed my life….Being told the world would better off if I was dead was the most hurtful thing. That day they managed to break me. I had never cried ..I dealt with it all. Thinking about that day my junior year still puts tears in my eyes.
I remember looking at this guy.. the two girls standing there snickering…the other boys egging it on. I was devastated that someone could even say things like that. I walked Away and just found a place to sit down and cried I did. I asked God for help.. Please give me a sign..any sign. Someone else walked by and called me a pathetic loser. Guess it feels good to just keep kicking someone when their down…
I’ve felt so empty since then. I’ve been pushed down the stairs. Had a baseball thrown at me hitting me in the head,,, punched and kicked.. Those few words just glare at me continually. I was just a skinny 17 year old boy and they wished me dead.
I have what I call a curse..I think about things continually. I wonder what they would have said If I had died? It breaks my heart to think they’d laugh and cheer if that happened.
I wish I was a different person. I only know loneliness. I go to my job doing what people like me do.. The best they can.. I don’t make enough money to own a car. I live in a bad side of town in a run down apartment.
I’m sure all the mean people got accepted to college. They’ll probably go on to become decent people. I lay awake at night and wonder that when they are in the 40’s or 50’s or whenever…..
will they remember that terrible thing they said to me “the world would be better of if you were dead”
I pray that any children they may have NEVER gets treated that way.. I’m still young…I dream of a day when I have a true friend…to have a normal Thanksgiving..A Merry Christmas..not asking to much..
JT
this, made me cry so much fully reading it all. I’m just a freshman in high school with many similar things you’ve gone through. I don’t have any friends or anyone, depression and anxiety weighs me down so much I skip so much classes. I’d wish to say you’re not alone either, that I would’ve been a friend there beside you. I hope everything does seem brighter for you now.. or at least things will change for that outcome.
Wish there was a place where we lonely hearts could go.
Hey,
I wrote the story you replied to. I’m just a few years older than you. I truly believe in karma. I think people like you and me will see things change for the better as we move along… I’ve lived my short life having never done drugs. I don’t drink…I’ve never stolen anything..I’ve never wronged anyone. I don’t even curse.. If having to do those things opens doors for me then I’ll stay the same..
I pushed an alligator snapping turtle off the road as I walked down a sidewalk late yesterday so he wouldn’t get run over.! Sounds silly but that’s me. Those things matter.
My bottom of the rung job took a turn for the better this past weekend. I may not be the smartest person in the world but I show up early..I’m enthusiastic..Do more then required..Someone up high noticed..
Got a raise and promotion.. The encouraging words took my breath away… I decided last night I’m not going to be that despised boy any longer .
Working hard is my way out..With the extra income I think in a year or less I’ll have saved enough to buy a car.. A goal for sure. Our company insurance will help me get braces on my teeth.. I have a long way to go but I’m trying..
.I truly wish the best for you. You have something to offer this world. I know that terrible feeling of being picked on.. My heart aches for you…. I know its hard to get a job when your young but as soon as you can get a typical part time job us kids get. Get one! It gets you in front of different people. You can re-invent your self… For few hours each week I didn’t think of of what went on at school.. I hope you see this message..
I wish I was around you also! I’d be your friend…
Wishing you the most happiness you can get..and deserve!
JT
Dear JT,
I hope life finds you well today. I, like you, am that person who stops in the middle of the road to make sure the badger gets safely to the grass. True story. I once accidentally hit an Opossum on a country road. I drove less than a mile before the thoughts of him suffering made me turn around and go back. All the while thinking what would I do when I found him? How could I end his pain? I couldn’t risk picking it up and waiting overnight for a vet to open…. anyway, God showed mercy on us both. He was gone when I got there. Now, switch to humans, I am equally as quick to help anyone at anytime. I just can’t be friends or converse with them. I am an odd Thomas. Ppl don’t like me. If I try to talk to them they can’t seem to get away fast enough. I don’t try anymore. I don’t talk to my parents, my children or anyone. They make me feel like they’re doing me a favor. A big one. So I avoid them most of the time. I didn’t used to be this sad, empty, lonely and a generally useless human. I do t work anymore. I don’t want to go out. I stay in bed as much as life with pets (who may actually like me) will allow. There’s really no point to my rant except to say I wish you much happiness in the future! I am already the past. I never would have believed this is who I would become and I do not wish it for you.
I wish you all hapiness, success.. Just fight it out you r not alone.. There r so many people like us.. ..
this upset me also. Its wasn’t that long ago that everything was ok. i had as many friends as a person would have ..one by one they quit hanging out with me..like the boy who started this thread..people can be so mean.. I just started my junior year in high school and I was hoping the hatefull attitude i get from everybody would not be the same.its worse now ..its just terrible.. My dad is a Marine. Highly educated..tough..smart I know I’m not the son he had hoped for. I can see it in his eyes..I’m a coward..I scared to defend myself..once kids figure out your that way then its just a bad dream that never ends. My mom knows who rules the roost and she never defends me. I cant help it that im not very smart. the school year just started. Sleeping is getting harder and harder as I know what the morning brings….no one has said they wish I was dead but if i were it wouldnt matter to them. I don’t know how this will end..I’m just so tired. tired of it all…
@ma –
sweetheart, I am thinking of you, wherever you are, and wishing you all the best.
Yes, you’re tired – and no wonder. And you’re sensitive – not a coward.
Please try and find counselling, so you’ll be able to cope better with these difficult years and realise your own value, the treasure that you are. Life WILL get better, and all those qualities that are making you feel like an outcast will be vindicated.
I am so very sorry to hear about the way you were treated. The very best place you can go to and find people who really care about you is church….God’s house. Please find a Bible based church and you will find that the Lord cares soooo much about you!! He loves you like no one else can and wants you to believe in Jesus Christ, your Savior, so that one day you will have an amazing, wonderful life in heaven!! This world will be nothing compared to that….
I am not sure where you live but we have a small church family in rural southern Wisconsin and we would LOVE to have you join us!! If not…please join a Bible based church near you and go regularly. You will find friends who love and care about you and then one day we will all meet up together in heaven!!
Diana
I am so sorry for you. Something similar has happened to me too, last year in 9th grade, and I went through a horrible bout of depression and insecurity. I kept crying all the time. Like you said, I hope no one ever gets treated this way…to be wished dead. Be strong! I wish I could befriend EVERYONE in this comment section, I can relate so much to their stories, as well as yours. Everything will get better…
Wishing you happiness and good things! Such a nice thing to say about being pals with everyone on here! As to the power of words.. Yours are so kind but the people I speak of… I think I’d rather get punched in the face then have people say terrible hurtful things to me… Words hurt worse I think..
You take care…
JT,
This touched me more than words can say. I am a 44-year-old man in the south who has always had things good, so I thought. I was a fat kid, bullied, etc. However, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have gone through what you have. I had it good; I was semi-popular, made good grades, went to a top-25 college (top-25 in the USA), law school, have a job at an oil company making $90k/year in an area where folks don’t have it that good. But I am alone, an only child, just my parents and me. I live with them most of the time even though I own a home that is paid off because I fear I would kill myself if I stayed alone. Please know that you don’t have to feel down all the time and that you can talk to me if you feel bad. I will listen. I need friends; good ones. I might be a lawyer, but I am depressed and sad most of the time. I feel like I will kill myself when I lose my parents. But I know that there are lots of folks out there who have it bad and worse than me. I am a VERY empathetic person, and your words touched me. I wish I could go and beat down those bullies who have harmed you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can turn your life around if you accept help from people like me. It would make me feel better about myself if you accept my help; even if its just listening. I hope I hear from you.
You are the sweetest person I’ve ever heard of, just want to cuddle you and make you feel loved again. I’m 33, been diagnosed with BPD and have had depression all my life the self harm the suicide attempts. I’m a single mum and that’s tough, I can’t hold down a normal job I did modelling for a few years but I was always so insecure with myself and never felt good enough and was taken advantage of by many of the model agents. It’s a corrupt industry. I wanted to be a nurse but I dropped out 8 weeks before graduating as I had a massive attack of anxiety and depression, at the same time my friends all deserted me because I wasn’t strong enough to celebrate their hen parties, and my boyfriend at the time cheated on me countlessly, beat me up he told me to take some pills and kill myself as well. I think that was my lowest time. I decided not to be in any relationships from then on, which was 2 years ago. Im just finding every day a struggle I love my daughter with every fibre of my being but sometimes I can’t parent, she has everything she needs but I just can’t emotionally cope, please think twice if youre depressed and want kids, because having a kid and depression makes you more lonely, it isolates you and puts so much expectations on you that can be so hard to handle. She is perfect and deserves a better mother than me, she even cuddles me and gives me love when I’m sad and I feel I don’t deserve her. My family is not a normal one, I’ve been homeless before and neither of my parents cared for me or even their grandchild I had to go and live with my abusive boyfriend because nobody would have me in their home, so I know I’m really alone. The only close friend I had 5 months ago cut me off completely unprovoked – I didn’t like that her boyfriend was treating her bad and this was enough to completely block me and throw me away after I’d been such a loving friend to her. Are we all too sensitive for this earth? I read a story once about a little boy who’s mum cut herself, and someone told him it’s because she’s an angel and she’s too sensitive for the earth, she just wants to go back to heaven where she can be away from the pain she feels from being on the earth, maybe we’re all too sensitive maybe we’re all special people not like others here- trapped in minds which are too fragile and sensitive – and wish for the world we knew before we were bought to this earth. Please the only thing that’s ever helped me is talking to angels. We all have them, just reach out to them. Love Blessings and prayers x
I don’t reach out to anyone …my brother and sister are close but I got the raw end of the deal being the youngest … I guess I’ve never felt good enough for them my dad doesn’t really acknowledge me …my marriage is a bit of a joke husband messages other woman … my best friend just stopped talking to me no reason nothing ..I’ve always tried to take care of my self never relying on anyone’s support just feel stuck and incredibly low .
I’m in the same boat as u. I feel for u!
WOW, what an awlful life. I never thought i be in this situation. My entire life was crappy and boring but i never experienced the feelings i do today. I dont have anyone in my life as of this moment. I never really had friends. I have no kids but was married for 15 years. My wife and i liked the way we lived. We made it the way it is today. The only problem is we never considered one of us dying at an early age. Of course that being my wife. I lost her 1 year ago March 23rd. She died from breast cancer. Ever since her passing it has been tough. Getting through the loss is still a struggle but the lonliness and depression is tearing me apart. I have no one to seek out on my side or her side of family. Her side are rude and high class and my side just dont give a crap. I sit here everyday and wonder how i can fix this but it always ends the same. I cant seem to break the routine i put my self in and its driving me insane. I tell myself im getting out and doing something for once. So far i must of said that 3or 4 times a week for the past 3 months . I have yet to do so. Every time i do get my foot out the door i get butter flies in my stomach. Not the good ones. I came close once and i always ask my self if i would of contined would it be different today. I decided to go have a drink thinking it might help but everytime i got to were i wanted i got scared. I was afraid to walk in because i thought everyone would start stareing at me because they never seen me there before. I must of went to 8 places never making it to the door. I never thought i be in a spot were i be afraid to go have a drink but some reason thats the biggest issue. I feel as this is it. I try to make the best of it but i feel this emptiness inside all day. Regardless if i make my self busy or not the feeling is always there. It causes me to get angry and feeling a lot of hate torwards myself. I lost all intrest and responsibility in life. I got my self in a mess and i always wonder if this is just the way 42 year old men feel like. I assume it comes with age. Maybe not the lonliness but everything else.
Its not age. Its a lot of other extremely difficult life experiences and outcomes due to those experiences. First be kind and easy on yourself. So its been 3 months, you’ve been through a tremendous loss and the results of this loss are ongoing. Three months, 3 years…its not measured in a linear way using time. Emotions, habits, routines, thoughts, physical changes….not linear, all are in a whirling, twirling, spectrum. We try to control it with ideas like time and days. Its ok, you’re probably thinking, doing, feeling what most of us would be in this situation. Don’t be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself. If a very close friend were going through your loss and current feeling of darkness, surely you would reach out loving arms, kind and gentle words and a constant presence. So give that support to yourself. I think the constant presence is what you may be missing. Like that familiar old mailbox when you pull up to your house, or the same cashier at the local store. Only a good reliable presence at this time would best be served by a local support group. Pick a grief support group or a depression support group. You don’t have to belong to a church or other to participate in these groups.. Google and find a local meet-up with people who share loss and grief. They’re structured with support as the main framework. If nothing comes up ask around. When I lost my daughter, I turned into an ostrich (head in sand), and a clam, (closed-off), it was at about 3 months that I took the plunge and started seeking. I’m not there yet, (wherever “there” is), but I’m functional and good n bad days are 50/50 mostly. Its been 2 yrs and 2 months since the call she died in car accident. Everything changes…not better, not worse, just different and, very important, STAY in the MOMENT. That’s all we have. Books about it by Eckhart Tolle.
Hi Ken . Do you have bereavement counselling groups in your country? We have them in UK and I feel you are grieving as you , should but could get help in a group of people in similar situations.
You could try your nearest Baptist Church who I am sure will help.
Thinking of you and may God Bless you in your situation.
Uk Lady
I’m 56 and have baaad bipolar. I have alienated almost everyone close owing to being manic and according to them, abusive. I feel so utterly lonely now. I found much to relate to in all of your comments. I find it very hard to talk even to my own mother. I have a very problematic son who lives with her. He can’t stand me and blames and resents me for his problems. There isn’t anyone else he can really blame as his sperm donor was absent from conception onward and I never planned to have a child. I am so desperate and crave company but when I have it I can’t even talk. Thank all of you for sharing, I have read through the entire blog and comments. I feel worthless, and have been with worthless horrible men. I’m in bipolar depression at the moment.
You’re not alone and remember this cycle will pass. Have you heard of SAMHSA? They help! Its substance abuse and mental health services administration. GOOGLE samhsa and put in your zip code for a local group. Plug in where people understand and have resources to help. I’m Praying for all with these struggles. Also, if we learn to quiet our minds and stay in the very present moment, we can overcome.
I’m a woman in my late 40s no husband, no kids, my mother died years ago and my father recently passed I have a sibling who’s very narcissistic and only cares about themselves and I have really no friends at all. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and major depressive disorder; I had no friends growing up through elementary or middle school some friends in high school, that ended after High School. I had a few so-called friends during and after college but I only ended up really being the tag along. I really had a hard time trying to make friends, I was never really a good judge of character. I usually ended up being either the tag along or people would just use me for whatever and then walk away. I’m seeing a therapist who tells me to join activities try new things but I still end up coming home to an empty house… feeling lonely all the time because I have no one to talk to… no one calls me or just hangs out. Growing up I was verbally and emotionally abused made to feel worthless and a failure and a loser. I’ve been working really hard to get over those feelings but it’s been hard made even harder when I have no one to talk to about it. Because of my depression and anxiety I’ve always had problems making connections with people I keep thinking it might get better but it never does; it is nice to know there are others that feel the same way and there’s somewhere that I can express my sadness. I hope one day things will change but right now just doesn’t feel like it will.
Jheylyn, I wrote a message on this board about a week ago. I’m revisiting this board because someone replied to my comment. I can’t believe how many of us that are in this same boat. I wish we could start some in person support group. Would be neat if we all lived in the same area. We could go out for coffee, plan outings, etc, to give us a reason to get out of this dark hole we are all in and get out tbere and just enjoy life with new-found friends. I hope you find some happiness, even if it’s just for today. ????
I feel the same. Another almost identical situation, here. I agree with Cindy. If only we could all connect!
I cried I still am crying as I write this reply . THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME NOT FEEL ALONE IN THE WORLD JUST WITH YOUR SHARE . IM 51 , LOST MY BELOVED DAD WHO I CARED FOR 2 YEARS AGO AND MY SPOUSE TURNED INTO AN ALCOLIC AFTER 18 YEARS AND SAID LOVES ME BUT SEE YA MY SISTER IS NUTS AND MOM DEAD AND A COUPLE FRIENDS LIVE OUT OF STATE I USED TO HAVE TONS OF MONEY SPOUSE MADE LOUSY BUSINESS INVESTMENT MY HOME IS IN FOECLOSURE. I JUST WANT FRIENDS
I totally understand!
I’m revisiting this message board because I am so tired of being without someone to talk to. I’m in my 40s, also, unmarried, straight, childless and I have so much in common with your story, more than any other post, here. I can be reached at InspireHope (at) mail (dot com)…but if you aren’t interested in corresponding, I open that invitation to anyone whose story is close to yours, along the same line. Take care and hugs to everyone.
Many of us relate to the social anxieties of pre-adulthood. It doesn’t help that our peer groups were also pre-adult and didn’t possess the mature compassion and sensitivities that we needed to flourish. Now, into adulthood, we can take charge of those old hurts by closing a hard page on the painful chapters of childhood and early adulthood and move into a balanced, mature territory. There are many opportunities for connection with mature, caring, interesting people. May I suggest classes through your library, a book club, an art class at hobby lobby, meet-up groups with people who share your interests. The door is right in front of us to step through into new possibilities. The past is a noose that will drag us under with its weight. Cut loose from the past, behave your way to the person you envision! You’ve got this!!
This is me exactly, but it is getting worse lately. I am married, but my husband and I barely get along. I have kids, but they have their own lives. I only speak to one sister, but sporadically. My mother has dementia. I had a similar upbringing, which I think damaged me and made it impossible for me to make friends. I think I live in an unfriendly part of the country and sometimes think I need to move away and start all over again.
Reading your story, I swear, could have been written by me. I can’t believe It. Everything u wrote is the same thing I could of written. I hope u find the support u need and want.
Wow, my story is pretty much identical to yours, only difference is that I’m 25 but I have this huge fear that I’ll end up alone when I’m old. I’m also an only child so once my parents are gone I’ll be completely alone. Everyone around me seems to have a happy life with friends to see, a significant other, and they all get to travel a lot while I have none of these things. And it doesn’t help that these people rub it in my face by posting about it on social media. I’m currently in pharmacy school now and I’m doing terribly, so I can’t support myself yet. Plus my family is financially struggling, so we don’t have any time for leisure or trips. My life has just been so sad and meaningless so far. My parents never really got along, my dad is distant with me while my mom is overbearing and verbally abusive. I’ve also been bullied pretty badly as a child so now I have self esteem issues. I always had trouble making friends and learning and social life has never come easy to me because of my attention problems. I’m so shy I create a distance with others to protect myself, which means I don’t have friends. To top that all off I’m failing in pharmacy school and live with my parents. I feel like a failure in every aspect of life, I can’t take this life anymore.
I agree with all the other people who said that we should meet up and talk about this. I think it would bring us a lot of emotional healing. Do any of you guys wanna get on skype or something?
jheylyn, you are not alone. I have had a life exactly like yours and many other ways a lot worse and here I m in my 60’s with no friends and no family and you know what I’m glad they’re not my friends and family when they don’t care a toss about me. I don’t look for friendship, I never did and I still don’t. I tell myself one day, one day, one day, but that day still eludes me. I’ll make someone a good friend. I’m honest, caring, compassionate and all the other qualities you look for in friendship and yes I may have set my sights high, but look what I got for setting the so low. jheylvn, you’ll meet your friend one day and she’ll be everything you deserve. Once day things will change if you take your time to change them and not be so trusting. Anyone would be glad for a friend like you. I know I would so hang in there.
I am similar to your post. Even though it’s been a while since you posted, I would be happy to message you. Hope all is well since your post.
I am a woman, in my mid-forties with treatment resistant depression/anxiety. I have nothing — no husband, no children, no friends, no career, very little unsupportive family, no money, no house. I have a car– and that is all I have.
My ex-husband cheating on me throughout our marriage. He cheated again about 5 years ago and left me for the other woman after 20 plus years together. Which was just as well obviously. He didn’t care, let alone love me anyways. He was always just trying to find someone to replace me with so he didn’t have to be alone. The last person he cheated with — he is still with her and have had 2 children in that short time. They are getting married soon, and he seems happy.
I am always alone. I haven’t dated– I never leave my house. I rely on my ex supporting me, which will run out in a couple years. I am in a downward spiral of severe depression and anxiety so crippling that I lie in my closet and cry. I have had depression/anxiety all my life. So I know I will never have another partner, let alone that anyone would love me.
My life started out like a horror show. I was sexually and physically abused growing up by my bio father(who later committed suicide). My older brother sexually abused me as well. Today, I have nothing to do with my older brother or his family. All I have are my mom and stepfather, who are embarrassed that I cannot seem to be able to support myself and make a life. They have very little empathy and don’t understand Severe Mental Illness.
Between my sexual abuse, lack of family, no friends, husband leaving me, I can say I have nothing — no one. There is so much more, but I will leave it at that.
I don’t expect to live much longer. I will never be able to support myself. I don’t understand this world and I don’t get society and cannot function within it. I wish I could meet someone similar to myself, but never do. I am lost and I cannot and will not find my way again. I have no motivation and to be honest, I am just sick of life and living. I have had enough. Enough is enough. No more abuse, no more crying, no more fear, no more depression and anxiety. I don’t want to wake up in a panic of a new day. I only want peace. I don’t want to struggle to support myself and just get by living in worse poverty than I currently live in. I want peace to be with my best friend, my cat that died a few years ago. He was my soul mate in this life. I still cry for him holding his urn, and soon we will be together… in peace. No more struggle. I always knew I would die alone and unloved.
I’m feeling the same way right now. I Google “alone, lonely, no friends, depressed, suicide” a lot lately. I can’t stop crying or talking out loud as if some miraculous thing is going to happen to give me a “sign”. I just lie in bed bored and thinking I’m just a waste of space. I yell out loud while sobbing “I JUST WANT TO DIE” I have 2 adult kids that have taken advantage of me and could care less about me. I have a father (only person that I feel ever cared or loved me) who is sliding into dementia and an unemotional mean mother. I literally have nothing left to live for.
Hi, Cindy. My name is Debbie. Your story exactly mirrors mine (except I could never have children). I hope you revisit this message board because I am in almost the exact same boat. Same situation with my mom and dad, also.
I’m sorry Debbie. Wish you lived nearby so we could meet up for coffee and talk. I know some people don’t like to be around depressed individuals (even if they’re depressed themselves). At least I read a comment on this board regarding that. But I think it would help to lift each other up. I’m in AZ BTW.
Hi, again, Cindy. I’m in Missouri, unfortunately, but my narcissistic mother (who raised my sister to be a mini-me of her) treats me like I might as well live a thousand miles away, anyway. I can relate to you and other women on here, as well, and I wish there was a way to form a support group and all of what you suggested, to where we all can support each other, yet lift each other up and out of this.
Don’t give up sweetie
Tia I don’t no what to say . I’m 52 but I do know how you feel because I too feel the same way . I’ve lost just about everything all I know is fear anxiety depression and loneliness. I too feel as if it’s just time to throw in the towel. But I keep hoping for tomorrow. The moment I open my eyes in the morning I amidiately know today will be no better. Father’s dead . only one that had any idea of what I’m going through. Everyone else has just given up on me . Pray constantly to my only friend, God. Who never answers back.the best would be for us to sit hold hands and just sit or talk. But that will never happen. There was a time were i felt I totally lost my mind and would never recover but I did. And now couple years later I’m back in hell. I pray for you.
It helps me to “Get Out Of My Head”! We often go round and round with ourselves, our thoughts. All the negativity, pains, hurts, sadness and lonliness playing over and over truly destroying our esteem, our spirit. Picture it like a round running track and every step we take there’s a billboard with a sign naming our feelings and thoughts….loser, weak, afraid, don’t trust, give up, no one cares….etc etc… Well good news!! We can get off that endless, self-destructive track. Just walk off, stop the madness, stop the negative self-talk…get in the moment. This very moment that you have because truly, its all there “IS”. So, talk yourself through the moment and keep doing it until all the other chaotic thoughts fade…yes fade away! Like this: I’m going to make coffee now, going to get coffee off the shelf and put into the filter. I’m going to pour in some fresh cool water and set it to ON. I’m going to get my cup ready, open a sugar packet and sit quietly waiting for the pot to fill, while thinking about how completely blessed I am and how good the coffee smells.
Ok…see it takes you away…you’ve walked off the chaos track. Eventually staying in the moment is “automatic” and it will just “be”. I pray this helps, I realize everyone situation varies but take from here what you can use and believe in yourself. I’ve been identically where you’re describing. The conscious act of staying in the moment is freedom from much suffering!
I am so very sorry for your pain. Our lives sound very similiar and please know that you are not alone. I had a horrific childhood as well and am disabled, and the only positive light in my entire life has been animals whom I have always loved and sensed that they have such loving and pure hearts,unlike so many humans. I wish we could have a cup of tea and be friends, bc you sound like a very strong and good hearted person who , like myself, has been though a terribly unfair and challenging life. I admire you for your intelligence and ability to give love to another living being despite being treated so badly and surviving so much. so know that you are worthy and worth admiration for who you are and what you have survived, and for the love you are still able to show despite all of it. I also understand yearning for peace beyond the cruelty and harshness of this world. I send you and wish you comfort. <3
I am 44 and have lost everything and now I’ve been severely depressed the past few years. I lost a 20 Year trucking career with type 1 diabetes. now separated from wife of 18 years. she doesn’t believe in depression. I have no friends. my dad passed 2years ago. I haven’t been able to find a job with no experience. I live with my brother now and am totally isolated. I am paralyzed with depression and anxiety. I wake up and drink a glass of vodka. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore.
What did you do to finally
Feel better?
Hii everyone I am depressed because I am lonely l have everyone around me but no one really cares about my problem they feel if you have a home you have clothes to wear and food to eat you don’t need anything else. But I want someone to understand me . I always listens to everyone’s problem and try to find solutions but when its my turn everyone just turns their back at me I am 28 yrs old woman and it feels like I have nothing in my life . I wasn’t like this before . I used to be a happy confident girl but now I am just blank most of the time I feel like I am a burden on others and I just want to go in some place where there is happiness there is peace and someone who will truely understand me. The most painful part is whom I love the most never understands me . They are just finding excuses to leave me. Well now I am not afraid of anything I don’t trust anyone I don’t expect anything from anyone its just I am doing formality with others as they are doing with me . I am all alone in this whole world no one loves me though I love them and doing things to make them happy I always put a fake smile on my face so that they stay happy .I have many names idiot looser donkey bitch etc but still I love them sometime even my own parents ask me to die and so as my love of life at least my friends don’t ask me to die . For the outside world I am a happy girl but from the inside I died just living a life with no one around . I wish if I could find an escape from this whole mess. At least you people will understand me I am fighting alone and believe me it’s very difficult to smile outside when you are crying inside .
Tia ,i’d love to be able to communicate with you..I am i think beginning to go down that same path but not as far yet, and feel like maybe if we can share with each other that we can help each other ..
I understand how you feel exactly I have a family and they are crap my real friends are dead or else this wouldn’t happen I got divorced 10 years ago which I could care less about because my ex is a cold-hearted person except she works in the court and manage to take my son after nine and a half years he is now 12 without him I look forward to nothing and I have no pleasure I own my own home my bills are paid I’m a handsome and shape gentleman used to travel with a world famous rock band my bills are paid and after having a million dollars in gold coin stolen by my mother I trust nobody the only thing I love is my son who’s all drugged up and my dog died it sounds like a country music song except every morning I wonder if I’m going to live another day I was a world-class athlete and I helped everybody I have no family I have no friends left and I have no love not one person that I can think of is alive that loves me I used to be so happy everyday was happiness now everyday is unbearable pain and a Loveless life
Daa,
I feel exactly the same. I am attractive and very loving to all around me. I was born into the wrong family as a child completely abused /neglected and nobody helped me. I ended up getting married at 19 years old. My husband abused me and then my children began to abuse me as well. I didn’t finish school because I had to take a job at 15 in order to eat and get an apartment. Nobody helped me not even the school nor Dcfs came. I tried committing suicide and even the hospital dodmysend dcfs. I do not understand why my life is so bad.
Hello lonely people,
I was driven to this site and page like many others, because I myself am feeling lonely+depressed.
Someone with whom I’m acquainted said, “I’m lonely. I work at night and none of my friends wants to hang out with me when I get off work.” I felt like telling her, “Ha! At least you have friends. The only thing you’d need to do to hang out with them is take a night off from work. Try walking a mile in MY shoes! Nobody, not even you, knows my name or anything about me, and nobody, ESPECIALLY you, cares about me!” Maybe this thought is familiar to you.
Someone else with whom I’m acquainted said, “Connections are what keep people afloat.” And I concur. I believe that without any connections, without some form of love and warmth in your life, your life becomes meaningless. Because what’s the point of achieving any kind of success in a world full of strangers? Nobody to cheer for you, nobody with whom to share the spoils.
I looked online, asked the internet god named Google what I should do about my predicament. I did this out of desperation, but depression robs you of drive, and drive is necessary to solve problems. It also makes well-meant suggestions smack of so much ignorance. “Learn to enjoy being alone? Go f*** yourself! That isn’t helpful! That doesn’t make me feel better! How dare you call that ‘advice’?”
Then I come here, and I see a bunch of lonely people telling their stories. Now let me be honest: I don’t really want to be friends with people that are depressed and lonely. Some of you are inviting others to contact you and I don’t want to take you up on it because I think I stand a better chance at finding happiness by avoiding people that are miserable. And you’re all just as miserable as me, maybe even more so.
I see a lot of people lamenting their own circumstances. Self-pity can only possibly invite commiseration, at best. I only know one person who really knows me and what I’m personally going through, and reading all your comments made me understand just how much of a black hole I am and why she, despite her deep (but not superhuman) level of love and patience, is now distancing herself from me. You can dump all the light and patience you have into a person that is a black hole and it will count for nothing. You tell them there is hope, and they don’t believe you. You spend time with them, and they bring you down. There’s no upside for anyone and faith is ultimately destroyed by despair.
When a black hole invites you in, you say “NO WAY, NO THANKS!”. And then that person resents you for not being there for them, at the same time that they say, “I couldn’t blame them, as I wouldn’t want to be around me, either.”
The lonely+depressed are short on compassion because their capacity for compassion is already spent in a cycle of self-pity. If one is lucky, they have things/people/experiences for which they can be grateful, and gratitude combats self-pity. If one’s vision is askew, gratitude becomes difficult. Fighting self-pity and depression while in the midst of loneliness and isolation is an uphill battle, to say the least. Asking someone who is fighting this battle for themselves to help you fight yours, I think, is ill-advised.
So here’s what I’ve realized, and I hope it helps someone. The way you are right now, you’re definitely going to die alone. You’re going to die, because depression kills, very slowly. It takes everything from you, most importantly the will to live on. And you’re going to be alone when it happens, because you’re toxic and nobody wants to breathe in your poison, so they will stay a safe distance away. So if you’re going to die, if your life is going to end, along with all your miserable painful circumstances, why not choose to end your life on your terms? NO, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE. I am talking about discarding almost all the elements of your life and beginning anew. Are you addicted to drugs, or a crappy relationship, or a limiting belief? Die unto those things, and do something different. If you’re at a low enough point that you don’t care what happens next, try to use that to your advantage rather than walking out in front of traffic. Go be uncomfortable in an environment that is new, and that offers new opportunities or experiences. Go suffer without old trappings and see what comes of it. Quit smoking or drinking and get the shakes, and love it. Wear your pain like a badge of courage, because dying in this way, without any promise of sweet repose, takes some real f**king courage.
Take a serious detour in that dark tunnel. There hasn’t been any light at the end of it for so long, can’t you believe there won’t be any light if you keep stumbling in the same direction? Your sweetheart doesn’t matter. Your crappy selfish kids don’t matter. Your job doesn’t matter. Your life doesn’t matter. Because your life sucks. So die unto it, burn your bridges, and go looking for light in a different direction. Don’t look for it inside yourself, or your own life. You already know that’s empty. Look for it in the lives and hopes of others. Find a class to join, or a project to work on, a soup kitchen to volunteer in, or anything else with an endeavor made by others in a group, but not for the sake of any one individual in that group. There’s a reason to live, somewhere in there.
That’s my unsolicited, unprofessional advice. It is starting to work for me. Maybe it will for you, as well.
Good luck, stranger.
Thank you for your post. The honesty was something I couldn’t have come across anywhere else. The truth hurts sometimes and hopefully I can apply it to my sh**ty little pity party. Best of luck.
WOW! JB THOSE ARE THE WISEST WORDS SPOKEN ! IM ALREADY THERE WITH YOU! THATS VERY SIMILIAR TO ECKART TOLLE – A NEW EARTH & THE POWER OF NOW – One of OPRAHS spiritual teachers he had an overnight experience where he described EXACTLY what you just said about METAPHORICALLY DYING . WOKE UP NEXT MORN EVERTHING LOOKED AND FELT DIFFRENT WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY HE ENDED UP ON OPRAH NOW HES WORLD RENOWN I REST MY CASE . BUT I REALLY LOVED THE PART OF PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY DEPRESESSED SOMETIMES HAVE USED UP THEIR OWN CAPACITY FOR OTHERS YES THEY ARE VERY COMPASSIONATE BUT COULD BE ENABLING I ONCE HAD A 80 YEAR OLD THERAPIST OVER 20 YEARS AGO WHO WAS WONDERFUL AND SHE WOULD SAY EXACTLY JB WHAT YOU TRIED TO TELL ALL OF US HER NAME WAS CONNIE ANS SHE WOULD SAY ” JUST DO IT” LIKE THE NIKE COMMERCIAL . YOU DONT ALWAYS HAVE TO DWELL AND REFLECT WHICH I AM GUILTY OF THAT TRUTH BE TOLD AND AGAIN I WANT TO THANK YOU JB FOR SNAPPING ME OUT OF IT !!!! . YOU SEE , THIS IS WHY THESE SITES ARE SO HELPFUL AT TIMES , JUST A FEW WORDS FROM A STRANGER CAN INSPIRE CHANGE IN ANOTHER . THANK YOU TO ALL THANK YOU JB AND I DONT SAY MOVE ON BEACUSE SOME DONT LIKE THAT SO I SAY LIVE ON!!!
ONE LAST COMMENT JB , I REALLY WANTED TO ADD ON DIE ON . YOU KNOW, MOVE ON , LIVE ON DIE ON! IN TRIBUTE TO YOUR ENLIGHTENING POST BUT JUST IN CASE SOMEONE WAS CRYING AND EYES TOO WATERY TO READ FULL POST OR REALLY CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE I WAS FEARFUL TO ENCOURAGE THE JOY I FELT IN YOUR MESSAGE OF LETTING GO/DYING OF YOUR OLD SELF AND PAST. PEOPLE ARE RAW AND I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW I LOVE AND RESPECT YOU. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE IN THE WORLD. STRANGERS ARE JUST FRIENDS YOU HAVENT MET YET ALSO : H.O.P.E. HOLD ON PAIN ENDS
Love it!
Really ? you want nothing to do with anyone on this board because they are too miserable ???? Well that s a huge contributing factor as to WHY this suffering continues. We are not all toxic. In fact I can be quite a lot of fu . I don’t dump on people but my life is a big black hole. Texting as a way of communicating has done a huge amount of harm in society in my opinion.
I hope you find some people you feel are worthy of you and not a bunch of losers . Saying the shit you said for the most part is what keeps us hiding and actually being respectful to people we know because we do not want to keep weighing them down.
I get what you’re saying about dying to this and that and changing your life BUT if we were capable of doing that wouldn’t we have already done it ?!?!
Wow….
I’ll have to agree with you. I have been alone my whole life and know I will continue to be alone. I had a very uncaring family and have no friends. I have been a free spirit all my life and did amazing hobbies and profession until I was 55. Kept busy, got multiple degrees, raced my horse in endurance rides for 12 years and martial arts for 6. Now on disability from falling apArt, I have moved out in the country and have my horse, a goat whose life I saved, chickens, a cat and dog. I have done the max to escape depression and anxiety- antidepressants, counseling, gave myself to God. It really helps me, and I still go through depression but not for long. I save animals and take them if they need homes, I volunteered at a free medical clinic. All this gives me a purpose and living out in the country has gotten me away from toxic people. (Aren’t most people???!!). I don’t rely on people for anything and have decided that the only pure love I can count on is from animals And God! It really helps to just have acceptance.
I’m 28 yr old woman. I have never been good at or interested in making friends, … I was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder years ago and just never believed it. As a consequence I don’t have any friends and haven’t “hung out” with anyone in a few years. I have lived a nomadic life having moved over 30 times, and I assume that just adds to the lack of interest in socialisation because everything is so temporary.
I have two chronic pain illnesses that keep me from working or socialising. I’m not attractive, I recently became overweight because of a new medication, and I’m running out of my savings and will soon be homeless.
I have a boyfriend of a year, who does not have any sexual desire for me. He keeps me around I think because he does not want to be alone.
The only thing keeping me from killing myself is my mother who lives far away. She loves me but also is socially distant with people (I inherited the type/life from her). She had a hard life and my brother is a difficult and narcissistic person who I don’t think would take care of her. I really want to end my life though. The constant physical and emotional pain just isn’t worth it. If my sweet mother was to die tomorrow I would find a way to die the very next day.
Hi. I am alone, at home ALL the time. I was reading your post and wanted to reach out to you. Let me tell you this…you are a child of God. You ARE someone special. I am 46yo and have been a widow since I was 36yo. My husband was killed in the line of duty and I was left with 3 beautiful girls to raise. Well…I didn’t do so well with the death. I became severely depressed , multiple hospitalizations for depression, malnutrition and later developed substance abuse. I struggle so damn hard and cannot see a way out. It sucks. You are not alone.
If you’re reading this, just know that your life has worth no matter how crappy it may be right now. Everyone’s life has worth because I know you weren’t put on this Earth to go out like that: alone and depressed. Just think about the odds of you even existing right now. Probably every single event in history had to have happened, in the exact way without compromise, for you to be here right now. You’re a miracle. We all are, and this means that you matter. Always persevere, go out of your comfort zone, try something new, but never forget how special you are. You want something in life? Take it. The only thing that’s stopping you is yourself, and even though I might not know any of you, I know that if you want it bad enough, you can do it. I know how corny that sounds, but it’s true.
I hope this helps you.
I’m also very depresse5:05 PM 1/11/2018
I realized a long time ago that people don’t have the desire to meet people or to make new friends..I hung out on a regular every night basis at many places including coffee shops and various other places for the past several years..i realized aftera short while that people just don’t go out to make friends.They instead ,go out WITH their friends but don’t have any interest in meeting others. I searched my personality online and found that i’m an ultrasensitive or hypersensitive person..and as a straight guy that isn’t to my advantage when trying to make friends or meet people in general. most people are extroverts and not in the least bit shy or inactive. i’m more comfortable sitting at home watching music videos or watching an 80’s movie than out at the club drinking. my idea of hanging out is sitting at Denny’s with my coffee and laptop or sitting and relaxing staring out the window at the freeway.I’m an all night person and i sleep days..disabled from employment by anxieties and a sleep disorder(delayed sleep phase disorder) i enjoy the A.M. side of life,between 5pm and 9am..As you can imagine,it’s more than impossible to find a friend to hang with those hours. I found that being awake part of the day doesn’t find me any friends any moreso than being awake all night and sleeping days..people work in the days.the only time they’re sipping coffee in public is during their lunch break..and they certainly aren’t looking to meet people on their break..it should be easier at night because that’s when the lonely people and strange-oids come out to roost and just about every coffee shop gets a percentage of that..But the only lonely people i’ve met in the wee hours fall in to one of these categories.. 1.Gay or 2.Drug addict or 3.Person that probably just robbed Walmart or 4.dysfunctional person that has more baggage than i do on my worst day that needs nonstop 24/7 psychiatric therapy beginning immediately. or 5.The normal person just getting off work or on their way to work but definitely not interested in meeting anyone to make a friend of.
part of my being supersensitive is i enjoy the night,the sky the stars and am of the nature that i love to discuss life in that manner..Discussing the feelings on the inside of the person as opposed to superficial topics of someone’s job or kids,etc..i’m obsessed by the Christmas season,the 80’s and music videos of the 80’s and 90’s,CB radios,the bible,daily life and emotions of the 2010’s compared to the 1980’s.. and just hanging out..not many people even care about those things as i do.i like to discuss the things that most people don’t think about or think about.guys would cal some of my discussions gay cause they’re personal and sensitive..Unusual for a guy to talk about.I had a best (male) friend for over 20 years and he and i would hang out every night discussing deep stuff about life and feelings and people..that friend isn’t around anymore,as an unfortunate accident occured.and no we’re not gay.just not macho and arrogant ..Unfortunately most men these days are quite macho and aggressive.i haven’t met anyone since him that i can call a best friend.i spend my time when at home watching a lot of tv as i have a Roku 4..so i watch shows like Sliders,Once Upon A Time,Blindspot,The Good Place,Agents of Shield and even old stuff like the the Rifleman and The Rockford Files and Home Improvement(Tim Allen)..My biggest obsession is 80’s music videos then the Christmas season,in that order.I love the cold weather.it’s romantic.I suppose lonliness accounts for my rambling on here about my interests.I guess i’m hoping somebody identifies.Anyway,my email address is djteel and i use mail.com so put the two together and that’s my addy djteel at mail dot com..don’t know if i type it normally that it’ll be accepted here.well,i’m alone again tonight..lonely..sitting here watching tv by myself.one important thing i learned about people.they don’t make friends if they know or think you aren’t employed.anyway..i have a lonely night ahead as usual.email me if you want.i’d appreciate it actually. d and have no friends.
I don’t have any friends to reach out to.
Hi I’m 44 and so isolated from the world due to depression and anxiety . I have no friends.two children who lead their own lives and a partner who doesn’t care.
My mom was depressed really bad!. To the point where it made her want to die for years and years, after we found her almost dead once she turned her life around and loved it too the fullest. But it was also a deep regret she was burdened with! She accepted it and moved on in big ways…. Point being Sarah til we do everything in our power to accept things for what they are, and strive to empty all the pockets to pull out every trick in order to say ” I’ve done everything I can do” ( be it body image, attitude, faith, etc.) After you do it all you can finally say I give up this is out of my control. It helps to have people who are positive though!
Dude…im 47 ..a male…i have 4 kids 2 of which I haven’t seen in ten years..the other two don’t see me much..i also am in a relationship.with a woman who doesn’t care about me on a level she should..i just stay in the relationship and accept blame for everything..because I would have absolutely nobody if she was gone..im broke and unemployed except for side jobs here and there..i don’t own anything not even a car or transportation..no bank account don’t even have any identification..horrible credit…in one he’ll of a midlife crisis depression..been depressed all my life…been in trouble with the law since I was 13…ive been an alcoholic since 13 drug addict since the same time..i have no hope for the future..i know life has nothing to offer me now but sadness and misery..and I’ve known since I was a child I will die alone..be buried in a pulpers grave..nobody will come to my funeral or even care or probably even notice I’m gone..ive always tried to be a good person…i do not lie…cheat…or steal…i have high morals compared to what I see in other people..but somewhere along the line I failed miserably at everything …i don’t even have a single friend that I can say is an actual caring friend..i do have a few fair weather friends I guess u could say..but the relationship ends when there is no gain involved for either side…only called upon when one or the other serves a purpose…i do not believe in a god because I struggled a long time confused over that one and at this point in my life have found the truth and don’t have time to put faith into make believe…or wishing upon an invisible man in the sky..when I have the daily fight for survival…to eat…find a way to supply my cigarette habit ..and whatever else I need to barely make it thru the day..i live on about $15=20 a day..i honestly don’t know how or why I’m still alive..i don’t really want to die..but do feel my life is over..and it’s just a matter of waiting for death to come..i don’t have any teeth left all are rotted and broken and I’m in misery daily trying to eat ..and end up in the emergency room at least four or five times a year with dental abcesses..for antibiotics..i cannot afford a Dentist or doctor and if somehow I could I couldn’t afford a prescription to get help with my teeth or depression..ive approached many people…professional or private…begging for help..not a handout..and I found there is no help…my life is miserable…and sad…i think back to when i was a child so hopeful…and positive minded…and still am for the most part all things considered…i will do anything for anybody…i will give the shirt off my back if someone needed it….i have zero hope…and zero answers my friend….i can’t remember a time when I was actually happy….or proud….or felt a feeling of accomplishment….but somehow I still manage to go on another day …and manage to keep the shotgun barrel out my mouth just for today….and don’t know why….just thought I’d share….to let you know your not alone my friend…i feel your pain..and wish you the best…and hope your life can somehow turn out amazing….but I’m sure if your like me….you sure don’t expect it too…good luck…
@Luke, friend – thank you for writing down your story. The part about ‘being so hopeful as a child’ broke my heart.
If things are so hopeless – why not leave everything, go and start anew? There are shelters and people who could help you start afresh. It’s not too late; better now than 10 or 20 years from now.
I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best whetever you are.
Hi Sara-my name is Connie. I am 56 years old. I just went through my second divorce which I didn’t want. I have a 27 year old son struggles with anxiety panic attacks and agoraphobia Etc who lives with me and the stress a living with an older stepson is primarily what drove my husband away. My daughter has put me in Exile for the past 2 years for reasons I don’t understand. She has not let me see my young grandsons who were the light of my life. I just had to move out of my home of 10 years and into to a much smaller house using all of my 401k. This divorce has devastated me financially and emotionally. All my friends are married and have their own lives. I’m attending a new church but have not met any single people yet. And everyone seems to have loving sons and daughters that take care of them. My son is very negative and has an anger problem so I have no way to get away from it as he still lives with me. I’m sitting here alone in my bedroom. I cry almost every night and every morning. I have absolutely no emotional support from anywhere. I have a dog and a cat. I just had to put down one of my dogs and one of my cats died shortly after I moved. Truly wish I did not have to go on living. People don’t understand what real loneliness is and how depressing it is. Together they are paralyzing. I wish we could help each other. I don’t know how much longer I can cope with this. My son and I spent Christmas and New Year’s alone. The only thing that has kept me going this long is trying to have faith in God’s word. I hope that both our situations improve. I’m here if you would like to talk.
Star, you do have friends to reach out to and all of them at here. Right now for you. Remember that.
I’m in a similar boat. I’m 50, have health issues that make it difficult to work, be active and participate in many things. I don’t have a car, no matter New (husband has us in serious debt) no friends, no family (other than teen child and husband). My parents died young, Not one person to talk too. I spend most days curled up in a chair crying. My marriage isn’t good. My husband is selfish and knows my doctor has the told me to do certain things to try and bring my problems in check, but I can’t do it alone. He doesn’t care. I really don’t have any purpose to wake up other to care for my teen. I don’t know what to do.
Hi im in the same situation.49 my husband told me on a 28 wedding annv that he didnt love me any more.i have mever had any friends.and things happend when i was a child.Ive been told that i have servear depression.I tried to commitr suicied 3yrs ago.i feel lonely and need a friend or friends please.
I’m here. You can email me and we can vent to each other.
I would like a friend to vent to as well.
I’m here to talk as well.
If you would like a pen pal to reach out to from time to time. You can email me. Im so sorry that you are feeling this way, I wish for you good health and happiness.
My email is deedeedash [at] ymail [dot] com if you ever want to talk…Dee Dee
No matter what I do I’m unhappy. I do things to please others against my better judgment for fear of what they might think. Even though “they” the people I consider apart from my immediate family do nothing for me. I have one good friend that lives an hour away from me but even still we never really see each other. I try to get involved in things but I’m always overlooked no matter how I try. I make effort, make contact with “friends” and try to get a relationship going but nothing happens unless I make it happen, nobody ever reaches out to me first and says “hey you wanna hang out?” Or wanna come with me/us to do this etc… I stayed in college doing a degree I didn’t even want to do to lead to a career it turns out I’m not interested in and now I’m thousands of miles away from home on a graduate visa paying rent, paying for flights, applying for jobs I don’t even want because of that same reason of what people might think and because I’m paralyzed in the moment to go and do what I want to do because I’m too afraid. I get anxiety attacks, I can’t bring myself to leave the room I’m renting, I’m bored, I’m alone, I can’t put myself in situations to meet new people I can’t even walk up to a girl without being drunk because I have zero self confidence anymore and if it weren’t for how I care for how it would devastate my parents, I like the idea of not being around anymore in this prison of my own skin.
Declan,
You are not alone in your predicament, although knowing this doesn’t really give much relief. I am going through something similar. Not in the thousands of miles from home, but the rest, yep, that’s my prison as well. It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Just can’t seem to convince myself to love myself, or even like myself. If we can’t accept ourselves for who we are and truly be proud of who we are, how can we excpect that from anyone else. We won’t believe anything they say unless it matches our own skewed image of ourselves. I believe other than support from those who can truly empathize, therapy, hell maybe even hypnosis, there’s not much we can do to change our thoughts. We require validation, and without someone to talk to, that can offer kind words and maybe some advice, we have to rely on our faulty minds. It’s not you physically that has the issue with the world, it’s your mind lying to you, telling you to be afraid. We may be total strangers but we are all in this together and should try to help each other any way we can.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel sad often because I feel so alone in this life, and feel like I have no friends. I have been divorced for 13 years, and spent many of those years raising my children. My oldest is 26 now and he is disabled. I care for him and work freelance from home. I have two lifelong friends who both live across the country, and I am very close with my sister who lives very far from me too. I am close with my children, and I have a few very surface connections locally. Nothing ever seems to progress beyond a casual superficial aquaintance-ship. I am in my 50s. A lot of things in life bring me a lot of joy and I feel gratitude for many things too, but there is a deep dark gnawing of loneliness that lives inside me and follows me everywhere I go. When I read this, “One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt. It’s so strange to imagine that this could have been such a common occurrence, but it was. I stopped myself from reaching out because I “knew” these friends wanted to have nothing to do with me.” that you wrote above, it hit such a strong chord of recognition for me. I thought, “That is it!”. And despite living a fairly isolated life, with caring for my son and working from home, I know that the other big reason for my alone-ness is this very pervasive feeling and belief that nobody would want to be my friend anyway. That makes me really sad. But it is what I believe. Reading this article makes me wonder if I am, in fact, depressed. I never thought of myself that way, and maybe I’m not in a clinical sense, but more in a situational sense. I have recently tried to focus more on my blessings, and on being a blessing to others, and that helps me stay on track mentally, and not focus so much on the connections I crave, but lack. Thanks for listening, and may grace light our footsteps in this sometimes dark world.
I hope people find ways to support each other and make meaningful connections based on common grounds like hobbies, views of the world, personalities, life lessons. In fact – this is what my website is about – Belon9.com is for discovering real friend. I hope you’ll like it and become a happy person by befriending like-minded participant.
Help please someone tell me it gets better… I’m 31 I have no life, no friends, not ones that are around anywhere. My only serious relationship was over two years ago and was abusive in every way. I’m on the waiting list for help from the NHS but I don’t trust it’s ever going to get better for me, I’ve felt like this, lonely empty and hopeless for over a decade, I really have nothing left, no coping skills left, please someone tell me it will get better soon
It WILL be better soon.
Thanks, I wish I could believe you.
It can ONLY get better. Let’s stand strong.
Ashleigh, people tell me the exact same thing, “it will get better soon”. And I respond just how you have, “I wish I could believe that”. Because so many of us have gotten to the point where we have lost hope. Because we don’t see much of a way out and probably go through these horrible cycles where we try very hard, don’t seem to get anywhere, and overall we feel like we just don’t fit in with society and all of its demands and expectations. I became divorced 2 years ago, lost all 3 of my children and am lucky to see them once a year. Over 40, no friends, pay a ton in child support and stuck living in parents basement; I have thought of suicide many many times. Because I feel empty, withdrawn and don’t even have a clue about how to start over again. I can see people don’t like me much, even if I try my hardest to not be self absorbed in my own issues. I seem to be trapped in this cycle, where depression and years of social isolation and lack of social skills prevents me from making any friends. Almost everyone I know at my age has a wife, kids, family and so many things going for them. All I do is work and I have no hope that I will ever have a better life again like I once had. The society we live in has become ultra-judgmental and has no tolerance for those of us who struggle with depression and have little friends/not much of a life. There seems to be no place for us here, so we are left not even wanting to try at all anymore.
What helps me when i feel as you do?
Most importantly, make an appointment with a mental health service. I have found that I can’t “think myself out of depression.” I fought medication at first, now I am prescribed meds from a reputable Psychiatrist. With my medication I have the ability to do things that are valuable to me. Activities that make my life interesting. There are various mental health groups through churches and libraries, book clubs, etc. I simply look for things that may interest me. I swim at the YMCA where I meet lots of happy people. I have a therapy dog who visits sick people in hospitals and nursing homes. Children read to “Mary Min Pin” at libraries. Many things to do and thereby I meet nice people yet I wouldn’t be capable of anything if my depression was not managed properly. I hope this helps. I’m not always jumping for joy, that’s why I’m on this site today. But the feeling of sadness passes especially if I move a muscle, change a thought. Holidays are not the greatest for me, yet they pass, too. I try to do for others this season which helps to get me out of my head! My gratitude list is due now, helps me start the day! Hope you have some fun & happiness in your life today!????and now for some coffee to go with that list!
Thank you Patricia, I’m trying every day to believe that I will have the life I’ve dreamed of. Was doing OK last week and this week, however today feeling a little frustrated with how damn slow it all is. Still waiting for therapy, waiting lists are fatally slow here, and have been ill this week so not surprising I’m a little low and unmotivated. But what’s the alternative?
B, I’m so sorry you are having to go through this right now, and I wish I had the insight to tell you it gets better. It has to right? The only thing I know is that nothing good just comes to you, you have to force yourself to go out and find it, no matter how damn hard it is, how much I feel it doesn’t exist, or that I don’t believe it myself…but even if it is just a simple hobby or sports group to get started, to get the best out of life you need to be the best version of yourself, and for no one but yourself. Thats my motivation, no matter how hard it is to do. X
I’m amazed I’m not the only person who feels this way. I have been depressed my entire life. I grew up being bullied and beaten up. This was the beginning of when it started in elementary. I told my parents and they didn’t do anything except say if I lost some weight people would like me more. I realized their materialistic and narcissistic. I had a half brother and a half sister. Neither of them were close to me because I wasn’t good enough to be able to have a relationship with. My brother attempted to kill himself and eventually I did as well. Recently my dad passed away and I was a daddy’s girl. After this happened I decided to move in with my mom to help her out, I have a daughter now and I am a single mom. My mom is completely unstable and can’t handle being alone. I tried to help her through this hard time but it got to the point where it was extremely toxic. I’ve always been told I’m the problem so I’m on antidepressants and I’ve gone to counseling. It got to the point where I had to move out and I moved in with the one person who I could rely on. After awhile I moved put got my own place landed a great job but I’ve completely lost all touch with my family because I couldn’t live with my mom anymore. I was my dad’s only real child. It took my mom two months to move on to her new boyfriend who is a price of shit and it’s still seen as my fault. I’ve been depressed for a long time and I have no friends. Even the cousin I thought I could rely on no longer wants to talk to me because I’m so negative all the time. I hate my life and if I wasn’t a mom I wouldn’t be here. My family sucks and I hate this time of year. Ive decided I’m going to stay home alone and let my daughter go to her dad’s family this year because I don’t want to put people through the huge conflict of being in the same room as me. I just wish there was a way to get out of this spot I feel like nobody cares. I talk with then when they have problems but no one can talk me through mine Thanks for reading if you did and sorry to complain so much I just really don’t know what to do anymore
Hey Molly, I can relate, I’ve never been truly happy, and that saddens me even more so to my core. My life wasn’t great due to mental health issues from the age of 21ish. Long story short I met the person I thought was it for the rest of my life at 26,…turned out he was the most abusive, cruel, twisted soul destroying man I’ve ever met, he was physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive in every way. I managed to leave after three years of him two years ago, and I’m still terrorized by it now. I haven’t been able to have a relationship since, I feel totally broken and worry I’ll never be able to again. That’s such a lonely thought, I wish I could offer you some proof that things get better x I’m 31, alone, lonely, broken, no children and don’t really see the point to life. It’s too cruel
i used to hear a saying “the nature of life is loneliness”. I have been in loneliness for very long time. i have family and some so-called friends, but i can never tell them what i really feel and what i went through in life. As for my family, my parents are only there to blame me and judge me. Especially my mum, when i sometimes told her little about some problems of mine, she burst out and the conversation ended with her shouting and blaming. i regret of talking to her after that. My dad is also a similar story, so i can never share my true feeling with my family.
As for so-called friends, they don’t really care about what happened in your life unless your story gives them some entertainment. They might pretend to listen but within their heart, they are laughing at me and maybe secretly saying “oh, I’m much better than her, and she is so stupid and dumb.”
I don’t trust the people surrounding me. Why should I tell my privacy to someone who doesn’t care? That’s why everyday I put on the mask and live in the fake way. I pretend I’m alright coz I don’t want them to feel I’m weak or stupid. I feel shamed if they know my life problem. So, day by day, I just pretend and wear mask… I feel terribly lonely from within. I cry alone and keep all my feelings within myself, and that sometimes gives me heart ache and abnormal heart beat. Sometimes, I wonder why such a big world but not a single person we can talk to. Maybe that’s why they say the nature of life is loneliness…
Your not weak, just weakened by the illness. You can talk to me
Ive always had friends, but am as alone when Im with them as I am whem Im not. I looked at the call history of my cell phone last night and since feburary, only one person has called me, besides customers and the occasional scammer. I quit social media in feburary and it’s like I deleted myself as well. No one contacts me unless I make the first move. I have no family, I’m 45 and have never been married. My depression has destroyed my life past the point of no return.
It dawned on me last night that I could hang myself out in the woods and none of my friends would know until they saw it on the news, which could be weeks, or months later.
I’m tired of always hurting and having no one care, unless THEY suddenly need someone to talk to. Then I’m ‘Fantastic’ and ‘Amazing’ and as soon as they start feeling better then the response times between texts gets longer and suddenly we can never seem to be able to meet up anymore.
I’m just don’t want to hurt anymore. No matter what I do, I always end up being the anonymous zero with anyone in my life. I’ve never been good enough to keep any Woman interested in me putting a ring on her finger.
Now I’m 45 and I have no chance at meeting someone and having kids, and careerwise, I’m so far behind my peers, their adult kids are even ahead of me.
It’s the same story no matter what I do. If I’m fat or thin. Wealthy or poor. The problem is me. All I have to offer is me and it’s never been good enough for anyone.
I just want someone to care about me enough to show me how to fix myself instead seeing what a failure I am and pretend I don’t exist.
But all I can see is the rope hanging on the branch offering to take me to where I won’t hurt anymore.
You sound very much like me, all my friends are gone and I don’t know why. No one ever calls me unless I call them. Please don’t do anything stupid, it isn’t something you can ever take back, and even though it may not feel like it, I’m sure you would leave a hole in someone’s heart
I hope and pray that you are still on this earth…. Everyone gets depressed some more severe than others but there is help out there but to want to end your life is not cool. God will take you when its your time. Hell I’m depressed I feel like my life is heading no where, I’ve lost the love of my life and I have lost so much more. I’ve totally screwed up my life but only I can fix it and that is exactly what I’m going to do. I don’t have a lot of friends but that’s my choice and my best friend seems to be caught up in other things and really the only time she calls me the majority of the time is because she wants something. My other close friend well she has been there for me and I am thankful. As bad as I feel my life is I don’t want to end it. I have to believe there is a purpose for me. I struggle everyday to stay strong and so many times I want to give up but I can’t and won’t. I hope that you find yourself and I will keep you in my prayers and hope you will do the same.
I’m not entirely sure what kind of depression I have, but I do know that loneliness has been mixed in big time. I’ve been so utterly friendless for so long, that I even ‘enjoyed’ arguing with someone a couple of weeks ago, because it made me feel something towards another person. I even laughed about it actually, and oddly enough I think I felt happy for a day or so afterward.
Although this story is kinda sad… it’s also given me hope. It made me realise that just being alive – to experience anything and everything – is worth it. The only reason why we feel sad is because of our limited perspective. We can’t always remember that we’re lucky to just be witness to all this *waves hands around*. Human connection is something most of us need and crave, and of course it’s going to hurt when we don’t get it… but I would rather experience that pain than not be here at all.
So many of us have such similar stories.
God and Jesus abandoned me, he abandoned animals in the slaughter and people who are bullied. Nothing changed nothing happened. Life is almost over, nothing is happening.
i have to say I’m so grateful for this thread…to realize it isn’t just I am this one solitary dot on the outside of the circle of rest of world just a abberation biological mistake floating alone in the universe is comforting and has helped me feel not as ashamed and abnormal…that is a blessing a glimmer of hope? maybe? it doesn’t solve my issue but at least I am not as full of self hatred and shame….anyone in Maine or anyone who’d like to email please do contact me! thank you all for sharing and putting into words all the things I alone was a freak for thinking it’s a human condition it’s horrible and so lonely isolated I feel connected to something now because of this thread all of you. below is what I posted couple months ago and still stuck more tragic life events occurred but I am still here struggling
omg I am in same situation 45 divorced 17 years in successful career now on disability, moved out of apartment and city after 16years same place back to hometown losing all social connections now isolated never leave apartment no friends no family support it feels like there is nothing to look forward to that I lived my life already no dreams to hope for, not in situation to meet guys I fear I’m destined to be alone rest of my life that love is out of reach the idea of being alone without love in my life just makes life seem pointless and truly alone and lonely it makes me feel like a failure and ashamed that this is where I am after all the possibilities and potential I ended up a failure. I feel so isolated and frustrated and hopeless I look in the mirror and I’m ashamed I feel so ugly who’d want a middle aged failure you used to be…now you’re not … itemized list if loss . i don’t know how or where to begin or have even motivation I don’t see possibilities so can’t strive with no goal . Financially in debt after divorce, on disability so quality of living is bare minimum no frills no extra and have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder PTSD from traumatic childhood not a forefront issue but shaped who I became I am so depressed and hopeless life feels like burden not blessing . I live in a small town no transportation in rural community so making friends is difficult meeting a guy near impossible I just live thru TV shows and cigarettes watching other people live lives on tv and going to drugstore convenience store basically is my community /interaction and thankfully two cats are at least some source of affection and comfort . I want a life love friends motivation and inspiration a goal or dream to pursue and acheive feel successful and satisfied intellectually and spiritually to feel confident feel attractive have good self esteem which I have none right now . not where I thought I’d be at 45. I would love any advice or help I need a miracle . If anyone can offer help any advice anything I would be so grateful I live in Maine in case someone is in my neck of woods though originally from Louisiana thanks
I’m a 33 year old female and I have no friends and it has been that way for a long time. I opened a facebook account with hopes of keeping up with old friends and family and a month went by and the only notifications I got were from facebook so I deleted it. I have tried dating sites for years with hopes of meeting someone even a friend and I’ll find someone and then shortly they just stop talking to me. At this point I had to stop and take a look at myself and I have came to the conclusion that I’m meant to be alone. Everyone has a place in this world and sometimes your place in life is to be alone. So what I have done to help with my depression and loneliness is I educate myself. I read and learn about things that I know nothing about. I’m currently going to college to be a nurse ( late bloomer) so this really helps me get my education fix. I have suffered from depression and have ADHD and OCD for as long as I could remember and I have spent days lying in bed or staying home and not doing anything. Don’t wait for someone to pull you out of your slump because that person may never come around. You have to help yourself. You have to learn to do things by yourself and once you accomplish that, life just seems so much easier.
Wow you sound exactly like me down to every word. I too am staring a nursing degree. I wish you all the best.
I have no friends, I am socially akward my parents don’t get me and I am depressed, I am behind school and it is hard to catch up. I am sick of hearing be patient or never give up hope. I have heard it all. Not many people know I am depressed. My parents took away what kept me happy, horse back riding and my horses and my pets and animals. I have been crying myself to sleep and have been cutting myself. idk what to do anymore. I am only 13
Hi. My name is Megan, and I wanted to reach out to you because I suffer from somewhat the same as you. I just turned 25 August 27th. And I am socially awkward as well, very much anti-social. I have no friends. I push them all away because all they do is use me. And just aren’t the right people I should be around due to their maturity levels. My mother and father are divorced and I don’t speak to my dad. My mom is there, but I tend to push her away. Lately I have been avoiding everything and everyone. I’ve lost my jobs. And just stay home all the time. It drives me insane, but I’m use to it now. I just want to let you know to stay strong. You aren’t alone when it comes to feeling this way, I physically hurt myself as well. I punch walls, throw things end up breaking stuff, and hurt myself. It’s my coping mechanism when things get really out of hand for me, I get so angry because I’m hurting inside and no one seems to understand. I just wanted to reach out and let you know that maybe we should become friends and help each other through this. We could be pen pals. I can leave my e-mail for you and maybe you wouldn’t mind replying. Xoxo, take care. Feel better. Remember you’re not alone. And they always say things do get better. ♡
Megan M.
I would hope they get better. Breaking stuff is not good. I’m going to be a millionaire in the next few years. Then at least I can afford to break stuff everyday. It won’t mean anything other than I got money to be messed up with. That’s the root of this evil I worked so hard for I get to be messed up forever!
ok
Hi, I just want to say I also feel your pain. I turned 28 years old this past September and it’s been the worst yet of my life. It started out on a high point where I thought all my dreams were going to come true. I had a good paying job, was paying off my student loans, my boyfriend of 8yrs alluded to the fact that we were getting married that year, and I could finally see myself accomplishing my goals. A month later I lost all my friends. They just ghosted me and whenever I try to talk to them they seem annoyed. Whenever I make plans they disappear but when they make plans I’m expected to show up, or I don’t get invited at all.
I’m also tired of fake people. My mom has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me unless I’m successful and make her look good, and my dad is on and off with attention he shows me and listens to whatever my mom says. My boyfriend couldn’t commit even though he constantly made promises and excuses. My quality of life went downhill, my job was a huge source of stress. I had panic attacks and wanted to commit suicide. I told my boyfriend this, he said to do what makes me happy. I quit and immediately felt better, but then my family and boyfriend started to distance themselves. I could tell they weren’t the same to me. I felt like no one loved me anymore and I couldn’t trust anyone. My worth was only in how much money I made and what I did, so I went and got a job so I could get out of the house but it was only part time.
People were only there for me when they can get something out of it. When I really needed someone to lean on they all disappeared and couldn’t be bothered. The one person I thought was my best friend, my partner in life, my home, deserted me and treated me like dirt, but still used me for sex, which made me more depressed because I still loved him.
Now after months of crying and despair, pleading to be understood, I am engaged to my bf but I am the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. He says he loves me and wants to do everything to make me happy, but I can see the resentment in his eyes and angry tone of voice since I don’t make the same money I used to and he feels burdened to get a 2nd job. We’re supposed to get married and move in together this year, but I feel so trapped and lost. I don’t want to stay with my parents, but I don’t want to just move to the same situation that makes me even more depressed. I don’t know what to do…
I need someone to talk to…
I am 28 with some very similar issues— especially the friends “ghosting” you part. I turned 28 on top of the world but have lost 8 friends in the past year so I have a couple coworkers I talk to and my boyfriend. I don’t live near my family and they don’t care much about my life either. I feel trapped in my situation too and just want someone to talk to other than my boyfriend but somehow I’ve destroyed any relationship I’ve built. Anyway this is my first time on this forum but if you want to email me I’d love that. I think writing can be very therapeutic and it would be nice to get a friend out of it 🙂 ebonfanti30 at gmail dot com
What if there is a reason that no one wants to be your friend that you can’t change? I’m 27. I have autism that went undiagnosed until I was in my teens, as I am so “high-functioning” (read: can do most things a person is “supposed” to do) that nobody caught it. As a kid I was bullied and socially isolated by both other kids and adults, but never knew why. The autism diagnosis explained everything. NOBODY wants to deal with some autistic freak who only kind of knows how to be a person. There is a reason “autistic” is an insult in many online communities. We are just born unpleasant to be around. Sure, we can learn to act like normal people and maybe be accepted, but none of our friendships will be real as it won’t be “us” people are interacting with, just the fake neurotypical version.
What do I do? Autism isn’t curable and I am way past the age for any of the usual therapies. I’ve tried support groups for autistic adults, but never made friends as I had nothing in common with the others besides being autistic.
I need everyone’ Help… I think my boyfriend is feeling depressed because he has no friends and now I think he’s forgotten that he still have me… how can i help him? Please help me help him ????
avery-
i am exactly like you… however, i’m 56 and when i was a kid, and into my teens, autism was an unknown thing. i was very high-functioning but my social skills were a total mystery and anything i tried to learn and adopt was clumsily forced and unsuccessful. by my late teens, most of the neighborhood guys i grew up with wanted nothing more to do with me. as i got into my working life, not only could i not make friends but found every new place i worked, people seemed to not like me, or even hated me. i had grown into a liar out of desperation to impress people, not realizing the extra damage i did to how i was perceived. i had odd behaviors i was never aware of at the moment; years later i have some ability to see my oddities through other people’s eyes and i feel sooo mortally embarrassed and ashamed. how could i have done this… or said that… or missed doing this… or not that??? over the decades as an adult, i stopped blaming ‘everyone else’ and finally accepted it was me. i have no inner dialogue that most people do, until it’s too late, and then i clearly see after analyzing the cause and effects of myself. now, i self-isolate just to prevent people just from hating me. i would now say the prospect of having a friend terrifies me- despite my painful loneliness- and the last thing i could bare is befriending someone only to have them recognize my flaws as a person and ditch me. i have no choice but to choose loneliness and have to be satisfied just being around people and pretending, for their and my own sake, that i’m normal but standoffish.
kirk
almost forgot: the ONLY thing that gives me comfort, minimizes my self-loathing, is when i’d accepted jesus as my lord and savior. it helps so much.
I’m trying hard to get closer to Jesus to remind myself that he loves everyone and that we’re all his precious children, but I feel it just makes me feel more despair because people in the church look down on mental illness and other things that I’m going through. I end up feeling even more isolated that I’m not Christian enough and this is why these things happened to me. I don’t know if I have autism, but I have never been able to connect with people at a deep level, or have meaningful relationships.
Kirk-YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And my daughter has suffered terribly for years from Aspbergers….
I’m so happy you found God… you brought light briefly to my dark world… she just moved to her fathers, and I’m devastated and completely alone (after my mom just died and I adopted a troubled teenager, so she BRAVELY LEFT) Both girls are gone, but know there’s hope through Christ…and LOL possibly medication and counseling Is hope! May your world be blessed with His Grace, I pray for you!!! (All of you…and me-when I can!)
Avery
YOURE MORE WONDERFUL THAN YOU EVER KNEW AND PLEASE DONT GIVE UP! My own daughter with high functioning autism just left after 18 years, to move 2 hours away to be with her father, and I’m devastated… I know your pain, and I pray your parents HELP EVERYWAY THEY POSSIBLY CAN!!
You can’t help your brain is different.. and our cruel world should bend more to people like you that need “MORE”!!
I pray to God, you’re doing better, that you have been blessed in someway so you know there’s HOPE!!
I’m sorry this is happened! And I’ll pray every day for you, and my daughter!
Please take care
im a trans girl, 19 yrs old and i feel so lonely and depressed everyone is avoiding me and im so sad. my boyfriend abandoned me and my friends starts to avoid me. i dont have anyone literally. please help. i dont know what to do. im in pain 🙁
Don’t give up hope. Try your best to find the strength from within to get to know yourself and be happy with her. You ARE worthy of love… no better person to love yourself than you. As soon as you do that others will notice and be attracted to THAT love. All will be well ????
but what was the film called??????
I can very much relate to your many astute points. To deal with the same sentiments, I have determined to myself that it is all part of the constantly changing landscape characterizing the isolated existence that really is the life of each and every one of us, whether aware or not. Gladly, sadly, or indifferently, one is compelled to accept that we each are born alone, live alone in spite of the number of our relations, interactions, or associations, that we are never truly known, nor have we, do we, or will we ever KNOW anyone else, and that we each will die alone. Find solace in your solitude. While it is not comforting, it is a hard truth that accompanies us all.
Very well said.
I came to this website because it drives me crazy when I search for answers what to do when I’m depressed and I always find the answer: talk to friends or somebody close. I don’t have anybody close. And I would be afraid to tell anything to people that are in my life for fearnof scaring them even further away from me. I lost all joy in my life. I just feel so down. I can barely relate to anything or anyone anymore.
I can totally relate to your post, Dorota. Have been reading books about depression. While they comfort me a bit, whenever they get to the bit about confiding in friends, I feel more sad and desperate as I’m confronted with the fact that I’m lacking any camaraderie or friendship in my life.
I’m currently reading Lonely by Emily White and it’s helping me better understand my loneliness and withdrawal rather than constantly berate and blame myself for making crap choices and losing friends I did have through neglect. I’m really struggling, however, with the constant feeling that I’ve built myself a giant trap of unemployment, depression, anxiety and loneliness, from which I have no idea how to escape.
I truly understandI’ m right there.
I truly understandI’ m right there. Email me anytime I live in Vacaville Calif. Need a friend
omg I am in same situation 45 divorced 17 years in successful career now on disability, moved out of apartment and city after 16years same place back to hometown losing all social connections now isolated never leave apartment no friends no family support it feels like there is nothing to look forward to that I lived my life already no dreams to hope for, not in situation to meet guys I fear I’m destined to be alone rest of my life that love is out of reach the idea of being alone without love in my life just makes life seem pointless and truly alone and lonely it makes me feel like a failure and ashamed that this is where I am after all the possibilities and potential I ended up a failure. I feel so isolated and frustrated and hopeless I look in the mirror and I’m ashamed I feel so ugly who’d want a middle aged failure you used to be…now you’re not … itemized list if loss . i don’t know how or where to begin or have even motivation I don’t see possibilities so can’t strive with no goal . Financially in debt after divorce, on disability so quality of living is bare minimum no frills no extra and have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder PTSD from traumatic childhood not a forefront issue but shaped who I became I am so depressed and hopeless life feels like burden not blessing . I live in a small town no transportation in rural community so making friends is difficult meeting a guy near impossible I just live thru TV shows and cigarettes watching other people live lives on tv and going to drugstore convenience store basically is my community /interaction and thankfully two cats are at least some source of affection and comfort . I want a life love friends motivation and inspiration a goal or dream to pursue and acheive feel successful and satisfied intellectually and spiritually to feel confident feel attractive have good self esteem which I have none right now . not where I thought I’d be at 45. I would love any advice or help I need a miracle . If anyone can offer help any advice anything I would be so grateful I live in Maine in case someone is in my neck of woods though originally from Louisiana thanks
I completely understand Dorota. Here I am doing the exact same thing searching for answers. The only thing that keeps me going is the closeness of my family, my mom, my job and my mini chiwawa. I base my life around those because I have been heartbroken too many times. The last relationship ended badly, the guy will not even acknowledge that I exist even though I have let my hard feelings towards him go, I was able to forgive but yet he has big issues of self pride and forgiveness. I am a child of God because I surrendered when God came into my life after my daddy’s death a year later.
My daddy died 3 years ago at the age of 84 and yes I was a daddy’s girl and when he died a part of me died and I became very sad, alone and in a really dark place which I did not know how I would ever get myself back. But eventually I had to come to terms with his death and accept it because I still had my mother and she became my best friend. So do not give up, do not let go, everyone who has posted here has taken a 1st step in admitting that we are starving ourselves with happiness me included. So here is to all let us start taking little steps to get that joy we all once had back in our lives again. I thank everyone for their posts it has already made me want to try and get my joy back. We got this????❤
Last night I was feeling the same way. Out of desperation I texted my roommate from College out of the blue I hadn’t spoken to in over a year. Surprisingly she answered and asked if I wanted to talk on the phone. There was so much I wanted to pour out to her but didn’t make sense because it would be too much and too awkward. I still feel very lonely and depressed, but in that moment she spoke to me like a close friend she had seen yesterday and that made me feel so much better when I was in a low point. Maybe there is even one person you can talk to who you might never consider. Some people are just kind and pleasant and love others.
Hey im sat here reading all your stories feeling the sadness and pain you all describe. I read your stories wishing I could give a hug and tell you that you have to keep fighting. I sit here with two battered and bloody fists where I literally just kept punching the wall today because the pain I felt in my head and heart became unbearable. I feel like at the age of 32 I am a complete waste of space a crap parent, partner and excuse for a human being. You see I had it all the career the horse a little family and piece by piece it all slipped through my fingers. My sons father cheated and left I couldn’t hold my job down because of the absolute heart ache this caused I had no money and lost all my possessions and my lifeline my horse. I’m totally broken I don’t know how to fix this. I miss my life, my friends my happiness but most of all I don’t want my son to grow up resenting me for not being the mum I wish I could xx
I am just so angry. Due to poor financial choices i made when i was younger , i am old and broke barely surviving on ss. I have pushed majority of my friends away because i just got tired of pretending to be christian, and when i came out, many just dropped me. Have two male friend and my brother just got married to a christian i really like her ,but i have to be measured in what i say to her. All my life i have been a loner so being alone never bothered me, but it does now because due to severe car accident, i no longer have a car, so i am mainly housebound by force, which has a different feel to it. I lose my bother to aids 12 yrs ago, just lost another to alcoholism, and another dying fr aids, I just feel so helpless. Have been on antidepressants in the past, but i gained so much weight that i ended up with hypertension, and elevated cholesterol. Use to be a nurse but because I didn’t pay my taxes, so state of md took my license, so now i have no credentials to do anything. How in the heck did i get to this place. I used to date but now since i have no money for dating clothes, and am very self conscious about all of the scars on my leg due to multiple surgeries fr car accident, that is out of the question, and to make matters worse, if possible, i can’t afford medicare premium cuz my rent is so high so i can’t get the surgery i need, and am in constant pain. Thing is, if u told people who know me that this is how i am feeling they would be shocked. Went to see my doc yest, and just broke down about my brothers, my life ,and since i refuse antidepressants, she recommended i see therapist. fat chance when after paying my bills i have 20. left over.
Thanks for your post. I too can relate. Weekends spent alone, no one to call to meet for coffee or talk. I have family but they live in another state. Every time I do something like Meetup I end up feeling lonely because I don’t relate to anyone in the groups. This world is definitely crafted for extroverts. I am an introvert and it seems like those of us who are shy or don’t like to speak up always get left in the dust. Still searching for the right way to connect with people.
Yea I often wonder why have diversity if people don’t appreciate differences. Everyone makes me feel like I don’t belong in this world because I’m highly introverted. I spent years since childhood wondering why I was born this way. My brother and sister are extroverted and everyone loves them. I was always encouraged to not be like myself. I pretended for years to be someone else. But I stopped caring and now no one wants to be around me, not even my family or church.