Depressed: No Friends, No Life


Lately, I’ve come across a number of questions online by plainly anguished people, asking: Why do I have no friends, no life? The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends. Isn’t it obvious? But I knew so well how much the question implied. Lonely and depressed, I had often asked that same question, or at least felt the need to ask it.

I wrote an earlier post about the difference  I experience between loneliness and depression. Loneliness is a sadness at the loss of close relationships. It drives me to reach out to people. Depression pushes me away from them. When I feel these two at the same time – as I can if the depression is not too severe – the tension of these opposing forces makes it all the harder to find the help I need.

Thinking back over many years of living with depression, I can quickly find many reasons why I had such trouble finding a friend to talk to when I most needed one. (I’ll set aside the much worse problem of not talking to my wife. I’ve said a lot about the reasons behind that, especially in this post.) Here are some of the problems from my experience. I can’t say how true they might be for others.

  1. Sometimes it wasn’t I who had an issue with reaching out but friends who had trouble opening themselves to listen. Many people refuse to talk about depression or other serious illnesses. I first found that out when I had cancer. It was stunning to me that a few people I had known quite well simply disappeared from my life. Though I never heard any explanation from them, my wife and I believed they couldn’t face the risk of emotional involvement and possible loss.

    Depression adds another dimension. Many may feel helpless in the face of a friend’s pain and despairing mood. When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings. That’s a language they haven’t learned and never want to know.

  2. One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt. It’s so strange to imagine that this could have been such a common occurrence, but it was. I stopped myself from reaching out because I “knew” these friends wanted to have nothing to do with me.

  3. Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone – too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. I ruled out the possibility that anyone could break through the wall I’d put up around me. The result was that I went more deeply into despair. Eventually, the crisis passed, but it wasn’t the isolation that had helped me survive. That only increased the likelihood that I might push myself over the edge.

  4. When feeling more numb than despairing, I could often get out and talk to people, even at social gatherings. But I became very nervous at what I might say. It wasn’t uncommon for me to make an attempt at getting to know someone or to get into a personal issue with a friend. But the words I found myself speaking were not at all what I intended. They had an edge to them, putting a jab into each pleasantry, souring a compliment with a sarcastic tone, or pouring out so much so fast that I sounded impossibly egocentric and uninterested in anyone but myself. I acted like someone I would never want to know. Of course, people could tell at once that I had “issues” and walked the other way.

  5. So often, I had to mix with people when I wanted only to hide. I made it hard for anyone to find me, no matter how many people might be in the room or how prominent my role was supposed to be. Emotionally, I lost connection with what was happening and just watched it go by. I felt so small and tried to be invisible. If anyone asked me a question, I’d become tongue-tied, or, if I tried to say much, the words and thoughts came with painful slowness. It was impossible for anyone to talk to me.

  6. At other times, anxiety and fear could hold me back from talking freely. Taking part in conversation was hard because I had to double-think everything I wanted to say. There was a danger in the simple spontaneity of conversation among friends – a danger for me of any uncontrolled talking. I had to reflect to get the words just so, and then would miss the right moment as talk flowed on to something different. It’s hard to imagine now, but talking freely felt risky, as if an inner violence might escape my control.

  7. Apart from all this, there was the natural reaction anyone might have at suddenly hearing from me when I was in need of someone to talk to. Wrapped up in myself and in depression, as I was, my reaching out was an attempt to meet my own need in a one-sided way. Not only that, but my friends would not find me at all even if they wanted to listen and offer support. I wasn’t the same person because I was driven by the strange, isolating rules of depression. Even if I didn’t want to be hidden, I was nowhere to be found.

All this added up to a comprehensive strategy for remaining friendless. And that’s what it was – a series of my own actions to keep me isolated from the help that friends might offer and pull me out of the life I’d had with them. This hit me one day when I was the one who was asked to listen to a friend in the midst of a terrible depression.

I met him at a restaurant for lunch one day, and I could tell at once that he had changed in a way that made him hard to recognize. Of course, he looked and sounded the same, but there was nothing in his words or reactions that was like my friend. He was lost, partly in rage, partly in despair.

When I tried to tell him the deep sympathy I felt for what he was going through, that only made him angry. More than that, I felt a deep rage boiling inside him as his eyes stared through me with steel intensity.

It was especially hard to see him this way since I knew I was looking at myself.

What has your experience been in trying to reach out to friends when deeply troubled?

Image: Some Rights Reserved by Ashley_Rose at Flickr

995 Responses to “Depressed: No Friends, No Life”

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  1. Veronica says:

    Ended up here b/c in every part of life, I am just cursed.

    Was with my ex-husband for 11 years, moved 2,000 miles away, from Detroit to Vegas. I supported us, he went behind my back to find women to sleep with.

    We knew each other for 15+ years. You’d think after 11 years you would know someone. I started to get the, “I never said that,” and “You’re imagining things,” then he PW-protected everything. 3 Female friends from his past, 1 of whom contacted me, back in MI he tried to get together with. The 3rd one agreed.

    He moved her out to Vegas behind my back, telling everyone I was on drugs and cheating on him, neither was true. He emptied our joint bank account to a negative amount, all my money was gone. I sold everything I owned to move back to MI, divorce his ass, and help my Dad take care of my Mom, who later died of a rare Auto-Immune disease.

    FF-started dating a man I’ve known now for 24 years, we’ve been dating for over 10 and a half years. During this, I became Disabled. So I’m home most of the time.

    Where we lived prior, a neighbor decided I have dyed red hair, so I “Look mean,” and she sent strangers after me, and the SO. Then she started sending the Police over. I’m Disabled, I’m also 80% Deaf from an Auto-Immune disease (same my Mom had). This crazy woman LIED all over social media, started a Facebook group to get more people after me, gave out my home address, and recorded us in our private yard WITH sound, totally illegal in MI.

    The Police helped her. The City helped her. Facebook helped her. I couldn’t leave my home. I really didn’t anyway, except to help mow or edge or garden. She posted videos of me online, I had no idea until I got Death Threats. She said myself and SO were gardening naked, she just missed it each time. What?

    So I couldn’t go outside anymore. The Police were over sometimes twice a day. We had security cameras, many times when she called them on us, we weren’t even home. Theory holds they’d stop coming, no they didn’t. They refused to write even a single report about her or what she was doing. They even informed me I couldn’t get a Protective Order on her unless they wrote a report, and they “didn’t feel like writing a report.”

    I got Death Threats from 40 people or more. I had to uninstall Messenger. Facebook repeatedly said, “she’s doing nothing wrong.” The head of Police told me, “Stop using Facebook, she’ll forget who you are.” Also, What? I don’t know her from FB, she lives next door.

    The cops came by and wanted mine and/or my SO’s phone number. Why? You’re at my door and need my phone number? Why do you need this? I saw later she’d posted she was going to send them over just to get our phone numbers so she could post them publicly for all to contact us! These idiots cops just did what she said. Luckily, at the time, I couldn’t remember either # so they didn’t get them.

    The last straw, a cop came by and MADE my SO wake me up. I have Narcolepsy too. I take Xyrem. I can’t be woken. This idiot cop told my SO that we had to tear down one of those plastic fences that attaches to the metal fence. The neighbor DIDN’T LIKE IT! This had been there for 20+ years, another neighbor said the former Chief of Police had put it up. Just unbelievable.

    We were planning on moving, we did. She posted all over FB she MADE us move. She directed people again to our home to tell us “Good Bye!” and block the moving truck. Yep.

    Even after we moved, I was getting messages. Uninstalling Messenger, I can still see them waiting for me on FB. Then she found my YouTube account. I’ve had to stop using that too. She publicly posted that, said I made videos about her, but of course had removed them. My videos were all 60+ year old trademark free videos, nothing about her! So I got messages on there too. She did an “Undercover Investigation” on me, funny thing is, she didn’t know my name and had to ask neighbors. My name on FB is not my name. And from her “investigation”, she had gathered enough “evidence” and could now SUE me. For what? I have no clue. Looking mean, I suppose.

    And her 7-time Felon bf, yes he was just released, started a past time of stealing all of the neighbors packages. They didn’t want the light shed on them, so she told a neighbor she SAW me stealing her packages! And they could BOTH go to the police, make a report, and she’d tell them she saw me on some random porch, stealing packages. The neighbor rightfully refused. How funny after we moved, those packages are still being stolen.

    The kicker?

    I have NEVER spoken to this woman, ever, not a single word. My SO has also never spoken to her. She made all of this up. And people were dumb enough to believe her. Thanks Facebook.

    I spent all of my money saved up to move. Farm country. An hour away.

    Now my SO has decided, among other things, the following:
    -I MADE him move;
    -He has spent 10+ year being scared of me;
    -I have a Personality Disorder (I do, it’s Borderline, but he came up with a new one);
    -Because of ME he has no hobbies (how odd that I actually did have and do have my own hobbies);
    -That he has to stop playing WoW b/c of me (tho we never, ever talk about him playing that game and I used to also play);
    -I’m controlling him and his life.

    It goes on and on. So I’ve now bankrupted myself on a house, all the furnishings, furniture, outdoor areas, the entire down payment, half the moving costs, and all else going into the future.

    I guess my future is I’m just a mean person with a new Personality Disorder that controls people. Yep.

    I’ve become so Depressed, I suffer from Major Depression anyway, but like who the hell can I trust? Idiot men I’ve been with for a decade each I can’t trust. Neighbors randomly try to kill me. I had a male neighbor in 2010 come over and pull a handgun on me, saying I, “broke up his marriage.” Also a stranger! It’s all too much.

    I volunteer with animal groups, I’ve helped rescue pets after Hurricanes, had my own cat rescue. Yes, it’s not the same as having Close Friends. I love my 100 year old farmhouse. But now I feel like I’ve been wasting all my energies fixing it up. Truth be told, if I don’t work on the house, and outdoors about every day, I’m in the house with the former SO. It’s just a nightmare. And Depressed, again, yes beyond. I’ve been psych. institutionalised twice, they do not help you there either. So difficult.

  2. Allen says:

    Congratulations on having a life partner, I’ve been divorced for years and my or my son don’t care he’s 15, and I life does suck, I live to work and work to live, it’s easier to just do and exist and go through the motion and not cause drama in my or others, having no close friends like I did in my past, I have no one to talk to, I was lonely and miserable before covid and will be after, I have no real life other than work, drinking and smoking, nothing really brings me any joy, a bad day of work is still better than being alone, me as I say about me I’m too weird and creepy to even get a first date, but depression is a long road for us, I understand what your going through, even my other family members don’t really about me or to even check on me, so with depression this long and deep, I feel for you, I do wish you luck, although you if you can afford it you could look into getting some help, good luck

  3. Donna says:

    Interesting that there are so many comments to this post during The Year of the Pandemic. It is easy to feel there is no life, no friends, not even any place to go. Two thirds of our faces are covered by a mask when we DO go out. We look at people in fear — did they cough just now? Did he have the vaccinations? Didn’t her mother die of COVID last March? It easily comes down to “us versus them.”

    John, I love the examples you give in this post. I am in agreement with all of them. I think our society is one that shuns any discussion of mental pain. Even with a couple of close friends I can casually mention that I have felt really depressed that week, or that my family relationships are fraught with drama that affects me deeply…and sudden silence. The next thing one of them says is likely to be, “I just wanted to know if you’d seen any good movies lately!” My dearest friend and I consider ourselves poets and we often encourage each other to spend more time writing poetry. So I took the chance/opportunity to share a few of my poems with her. I got back the reply, “These are very disturbing.” Ha! She started the reply with that, then told me if I had been watching the news on TV to stop because it obviously wasn’t good for me. She gave me a “positive thinking” mini-lecture and ended her reply as it had begun, with one word, “Disturbing!”

    Okay. So much for that. It must sound like I am ultra-sensitive to criticism and rejection, but no, not really. I encourage other people to speak up and speak out and be honest in what they say. However, it does continue to surprise me when a conversation is shut down or poetry is rejected because good honest emotion is put into words. After all, look at Anne Sexton or Sylvia Plath or Wallace Stevens or the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible.

    So I vow to be a good listener even if what I listen to does disturb me.

  4. Cheryl says:

    I dont have any local friends to talk to about my troubles. I have an online friend overseas and my husband and mother but I worry about possibly being aĺl alone here in the future. Would love to talk to someone in Virginia or Florida especially who believes in unlimited healthspan through upcoming technology. Looking for platonic friendship.

  5. Donna J says:

    Why can’t I ever be loved by anyone my heart is huge I’m not to bad looking I’m lonely 😢

  6. Michael says:

    First I would like to share that I have read many posts over the last five years but only now have I braved an attempt at sharing my feelings.

    I don’t think I am alone when I say being affected by depression doesn’t allow one to live a full-life but rather only exist. The seasons that I have dealt with my own depression have been part of my life for the past 30 years. Considering my episodes last a minimum of one year and as long as 3 years before I feel a sense of temporary relief, I have struggled with employment, relationships and finances.

    The fact that I have a 20 yr old son who is the light of my life is the single reason I endure with this maddening life. I often regret my condition and the impact it has undoubtedly had on his life. I wish he could have experienced me like I was before depression entangled me.

    My biggest hangup is the ruminations. Dwelling on relationships or vocational opportunities that I couldn’t salvage because of my depression. I so desperately want to forgive myself for being a manic-depressive because I’m unable to change what has happened in my life while suffering from depression. I wait for a relief from my current episode to once again come up for air and enjoy a day, week and possibly a few months where I am not consumed by melancholy.

    I will end my rambling here and thank the creator of this site/blog for a safe meeting place to read others stories.

    My prayers are with All of you who visit this site to seek insight from others who share in my affliction.
    God bless you and keep you. May your mind be renewed by the Holy Spirit so that we may enjoy life again.

  7. Margret says:

    I have been feeling so depressed lately. The last couple of friends I had seemed to have ghosted me with with no explanation. The last one, my ex daughter-in-law. My significant other of 30 years is here but does not seem to be interested in hearing me so I just keep quiet. He’s good at pointing out when I get moody or sad and just stays away. He even says “I’m just laying low until you are over it.” WE are recently retired and the hobby I stated 14 years ago I keep doing to keep busy and it is the only joy I have. However this year seems different as I am not getting the joy I used to. My other half does great things and built a beautiful bard for my sheep and lambs and takes great care of the little things that need doing, however I always feel indebted. My 2 sons have disconnected and I only speak to 3 of my 7 grandchildren. They are great by they are busy with school and activities. I am contemplating selling all my sheep but don’t know what I would do and also my other half would probably feel like I didn’t appreciate what he did for me. I do occasionally think I just want to end it all because there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am lonely and lost.

  8. Anonymous says:

    My daughter is a beautiful 17 year old girl who has very few friends and the ones that she did have are rapidly stopping their communication with her. On top of that, she was in a 3 year relationship with a boy who became part of our family. They were friends and he betrayed her trust and broke her heart. And now with COVID she is more isolated than ever. It is killing me. I’ve always felt that I didn’t really have any friends and COVID has confirmed this. I know that my lack of positivity isn’t helping much because I know how it feels to be alone. I feel that it’s my fault that she is suffering. I feel guilty that maybe it’s because people don’t like me that people seemingly don’t like her. I just don’t understand it. For such a positive happy girl…she has no one. Now I see her that light in her dimming in her.. Every day, I think that if I could just not wake up she would eventually be better off. My husband is a wonderful man and great father. Without me around, they could finally be free of my darkness. I’m so tired of fighting to live, I just want to everyone a favor and just disappear.

  9. Jennifer C says:

    I was so relieved to find your site. I am scared for my husband. He has been unemployed for over 10 years, and although he is at home with our kids, I am his only social outlet. Lately he has been saying he doesn’t understand why he is here and that his life is purposeless. He has been trying to reach out to a few old friends, but they don’t seem to want to talk to him for very long. It is draining on our marriage, as I am the breadwinner, the mom, the wife, and the sounding board. It pains me to hear him say how lonely and alone he feels. I feel helpless because I try to suggest that he volunteers or he tries to meet other dog owners in the neighborhood, but people in our area don’t seem to friendly, and tend to keep to themselves. Does anyone have any suggestions? He refuses to seek out professional help. Thanks.

  10. Andy says:

    Every morning just feels grey and foggy. I wake up with a taste of bitterness in my mouth. Confused about how I got here. My dreams are indistinguishable from my life, which is full of anxiety and unreal. My dreams are filled with people I used to know who are not in my life anymore, whom I miss very much. My life outside is completely alienating, and when I try to fight life back by enjoying myself through reading, writing, playing instruments, or painting. I actually just find myself in the center!

    Life is just so pointless and in my confusion, I deal with anger that I take out on myself. I’m tired of the pain that I feel when anxiety and fear strike me. My muscles ache, my stomach hurts, and my head hurts in spinning perpetually in this deep fantasy. On top of that, I look in the mirror and nothing feels like me or that my body feels like it’s not mine.

    I just feel so lost, confused, estranged, and in pain physically and mentally. I just want to enjoy what I have left and die. I don’t care about being alone when no one wants to be around to hear my thoughts when confusion and anger strike me. I stopped wanting to be around for this reason. I just become invisible and withdraw so far, that when I reach out for a hand. People are afraid. I just want to finish and die happily on my terms, hopefully soon.

  11. Jellybean says:

    I can’t help but constantly feel the need to disappear.. I’m constantly trying my best to live but I have no control of my thoughts anymore.. I’ve tried talking to my friends a couple of times.. They listen, but I feel like they believe once they’ve said something to calm me down, that’s it.. Every time.

    They used to send invites and I would not even attempt to attend..i constantly tried to make myself busy and not come forward with my depression but even when I did eventually, they still did for a short while only to just stop in the end..
    It was really hard to cope with that, Esp after I confronted them about it, and they said, “We just knew you’d say no, so we didn’t want to make you feel pressured every time.”… Honestly, I didn’t say a word about it since then..

    They still don’t ask me anymore; I just see pictures of them hanging out and our mutual friends sometimes would see them and call or text me and ask me, are you not with them?
    My heart breaks

    I talk to my parents (divorced when I was 6) dad is already not alright but he tries to cheer me up.. My mom is depressed after losing her mom to Liver cancer, her brother and sister to covid in December 2020.. I try to keep it together for her..she lost her job as well this month.. I’ve been working 12 hours /5days a week just to pay bills but I just quit last week as it was taking a toll on me..

    At this point, I’m not sure how long I can survive everything going on around me..I’m an only child.. I’m yet to see a psychologist..but I don’t think that’s going to help me.. I don’t think I have any options left.. I’m tired.. Mentally, emotionally.. I’ve cried to sleep so many times, my sleep pattern is just so bad, Alcohol doesn’t even knock me out.

    So much has been going on with my life since I was a toddler.. I can’t get into it here unfortunately.. I’d need 20 notebooks if not more..
    Sometimes I don’t believe I’ll still be alive by the end of this’s hard keeping up the facade of being strong and happy.

    I’m not sure what kind of help I’m looking for here but I appreciate anyone that reads this.. I really do..

    • M says:

      Please hang in there. Life know matter how tough it gets is worth seeing and living through. You are a gift to this world as the world is a gift to you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing what you can at this stage of your life and that’s enough. You are enough. Take care. M.

  12. Jacky says:

    Besides the cancer and not having a life partner, but adding obesity this is my exact story. I wish there were concrete answers. I often worry that my children inherit this and suffer in some way like it. When my mind goes there it’s to much to bare. Thanks for articulating my (your) feelings and emotions so clearly.

  13. Ava says:

    I feel like everyone tries to just avoid me. Like all my friendships i had before i became severely depressed were happy and we could laugh and now they all feel so forced, like people would rather just not talk to me at all. Even my parents do this. Depression is by far the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with. It really ruined me lmao.

  14. Malika says:

    I guess there are a great # of us that feel lonely and friendless.. I wish we can all meet up for a cup of coffee and just have a really good conversation.

  15. Leo says:

    I still have no friends.I just feel sometimes like the world made me like this.After reading this I know people might laugh at me but I can blame them.I am horrifying person . Thank you for trying anyways to help me. Goodbye

    • Jacky says:

      Hey now, you are not what you say you are. This doesn’t define you as a person. You are lovable! It’s situational and not a character flaw. People have a hard time facing anything that’s uncomfortable and infringes on their perceived happiness. Please be kind to yourself. Get a pet if you can walk every day and change one word that is negative to a positive. Once you get good at that ad more words. Even if you don’t believe it do it anyway. Let’s say a thought comes up:” I am so worthless” do this:” acknoleage it’s and say to yourself: “ oh here I am thinking I am worthless agin”- then change it and say: “ actually I am really good at listening…

      I suffer terribly as well, it’s a daily effort to be kind to oneself. Head up and Remember one step at a time. .

    • Chris Fernandez says:

      What if you are NOT a horrifying person.
      Sounds and FEELS (enpath here) like YOU are person who HAS BEEN HORRIFIED by the things you saw and experienced as you were growing and perhaps you are just more sensitive to your environment than the ones who hurt you. And it is THAT sensitivity, that makes you beautiful, but those without knowing that quality in their own hearts are frightened by it because they don’t know what it is sometimes and it irks them. Other times they get uncomfortable, maybe afraid to be in a space with you bc while you are able to hold so much emotion for so long, its normal and u don’t know how it is NOT to be. But others don’t have any idea what it feels like to be born into this state of mind and even when treated, it is a functional existence where u go thru motions to keep up with the race and fit in, but never have any space or energy to think about deliberately creating your LIFE, reaching goals. etc. How could you? No time. We spend all our energy just trying not to drown. All your life.
      We learn quickly not to express our anger, depression anxiety or fear but if they can’t come out….they stay IN and damage the body mind and spirit making us sick which adds another burden. Tell a medical professional?
      Perhaps, but know when you do , that you understand that you SHOULD be reasonably sure that they will figure out what’s wrong and be able to make it better if not heal you. But, you might kick off a malpractice marathon that you have to endure and even when u explain exactly what you need or give them info to care and control your symptoms until they know more, so they throw another pill at you ( and it doesn’t matter which one — as long as they give u SOMETHING, even when they know it won’t help and might harm, they can call it healthCARE that they delivered but I don’t see caring at all, and I refuse to use that word bc health has zero to do with the goals of too many practioners who STILL don’t understand this EPIDEMIC of severe intractable depression and suicide, another epidemic. But 2 epidemics as the pandemic is happening too? Health CARE? Where? Not here. So who do we turn to when the world gets dark?
      That is an answer that shatters a soul.
      Because when we ask….The response is SILENCE. And it is deafening. So we stop asking and act like its fine, which fucks people up because that is NOT connection when someone stifles you from expression or worse, let’s you know you’d better not express the pain u r in,, or if u complain, limit what u say because IT IS SELFISH OF YOU TO BURDEN THEM WITH YOUR PROBLEM BC YOU COULD FIX IT AND CHANGE, but you are lazy, selfish etc. All that from people we like, love or trust professionally. Still think its YOU, Love?
      No. You are a beautiful person, who saw horrible people do horrible things. If you isolate….You and your body, mind and soul are confirming that you don’t feel safe. Not because you were traumatized or over reacting or too sensitive or paranoid….you isolate because you ARE in danger of further injury to your already bruised and beaten psyche that nobody helped you to heal from, even when u asked, over and over and over….
      I pray this finds you, Love. I felt your pain bc I have lived there all my life.
      Stop joining “them” with that ridiculous story they programmed you to carry out in their absence. I see your light. Shine it on those shit stains who try to or did harm you. They may be running from that inner light that you can’t see because it is you and of you. Love and hope will find you but u must let them in. Do that by being compassionate with yourself. it feels weird at first, but it helps u to move forward. Praying for you sweetpea.

  16. Rose says:

    How I found freedom from Depression;
    I don’t believe memories ever die.
    They affect our life, Good or Bad.
    I believe the bad memories need to be delt with because sooner or later they creep in…
    Can I share part of my Testimony?
    Starting as a young child, I’ve had may problems and suffered a very hurtful past.
    Depression and the feeling of a heavy Dark Cloud were my companions…
    When I became an adult, I cried almost daily. I also tried talking to the People I was hurt by-
    it only caused more pain.
    I also tried severing the relationships for almost a year.
    The depression was so severe I almost succeeded in taking my own life.
    God had other plans though…
    I sought help from Counselors, Doctor’s, and Medication. Nothing seemed to help much, and I found the meds made me feel like a zombie, I couldn’t even cry.
    We began to go to a new Church. One day after Church,
    I went up to two Ladies who were praying for people. I told them about the Depression, and they laid hands on me and prayed…
    While they were praying, I JUST NEW! I JUST KNEW that the Lord healed me!
    I had no proof, in fact I told my Husband and my best Friend that I believed that I was healed, and they didn’t believe me.
    They also told me NOT to go off my meds. That is when I heard a Scripture come into my heart and mind; “Walk by faith, not by sight.”
    I know my Husband was worried, since the Doctor has tried other times to wean me off my meds, and I would crash. My Doctor told me NOT to off the meds. in fact, he said he wanted to Raise my dosage, because Christmas was coming.
    I said “No. I believe God healed me!” I knew the Lord was my Great Physician.
    I prayed, and our Church had a Revival that whole week.
    I went to Church and soaked in the Scriptures. They were like Medicine to my soul! It was as if the Preacher was talking about my life…(I had a feeling everyone around me was thinking the same thought!)
    I began to go off the meds, and this time, I didn’t crash!
    Scriptures began to come to me, to stand firm on. One of them was;
    “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”
    Mark 11:24
    I believed I was healed, but I still had no proof.
    Now I was going to Revival at Church, and spending a lot of time remembering things from the past, and crying…
    One day while home alone, I walked into the Bathroom, not even turning on the light. I just stood there. And I wondered about everything, and my heart felt very heavy. All of a sudden, I felt an enormous pain in my stomach.
    It felt like there were Huge Heavy Boulders in my stomach, and that they were churning… I started crying out loud, I mean crying so hard, like a woman giving birth!
    I moaned and cried out to God something like; “Oh God, what’s wrong with me! Please help me!”
    Then I began to see (in my mind’s eye) my life. It seemed to flash backwards. It stopped each time I remembered someone hurting me, or offending me. The pain seemed so unbearable!
    I cried many tears, and the memories they just kept coming.
    I cried out to God again. Something like;
    “Lord, why are you making me remember and go through this?”
    And I suddenly knew that whenever anything had happened to me in my past, that the Lord had been right there with me. I wasn’t alone when it happened. This thought brought me so much comfort and peace, I felt as if someone put a soft warm blanket around my shoulders. Yet the memories kept coming too. And the pain and the tears.
    “Lord Help me!!!” I cried out, again and again.
    Part of a Scripture also seemed to fall on my shoulders;
    “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Suddenly, truth hit me! For all these years, I never forgave anyone for ever hurting me! In fact, I would take the memory of it with me to breakfast, and throughout my day, each day I’d replay pieces in my mind. A Heavy Load to carry!
    Some of the people who had hurt me, now were not even alive.
    More memories came. I must have cried a river of tears!
    Then I cried out to God; “Please help me forgive these people who have hurt me!” And suddenly, I felt this enormous weight, lift off of my shoulders, and then I sensed the Lord’s Peace! Now I can remember the past, and it no longer hurts to remember. I believe a prisoner was set free…ME!
    A few days later, the LORD showed me some other issues I had to deal with…Later that week I was urged by my husband and friend to go up to the alter for prayer.
    I didn’t really even want to go; but I went up anyway. Then I was a little irritated,
    as the Preacher seemed to pray for everyone else for such a long time, and with me all he said was “Sister, the LORD can take away your depression!” Then he walked away.
    I stood at the alter, with my hands folded in front of me.
    My eyes were closed. Then suddenly I found myself (silently)
    crying out to God, as I quickly threw my hands up to Heaven
    saying, “Oh God please take it! (Meaning the Deppression)
    Take it before it kills me!” Then all of a sudden it was as if a thick Black Tornado which seemed to start at the bottom of my feet,
    flew up and came out of the top of my head! My eyes were still closed, yet I was looking up at the top of the church, where I could see many clouds., I next saw the clouds part, revealing the most Beautiful Bright Sunny Sky I have ever seen! It seemed as if the sun’s incredible brightness not only shinned down on me, it seemed as if it actually filled me up on the inside, and shinned through me, and I felt God’s love that was so bright and so warm that I cannot even explain it!!!!!!!
    I heard a small voice say to my heart something like this:
    “You gave me all the fear, hate, anger and jealousy, that you kept inside , now I give you my peace and my love.”

    I didn’t know til later one day in reading the Bible, that the Scriptures actually say this;

    “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

    And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

    But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Mark 11:24-26

    I have been completely off meds. since the revival (November 1995)
    I’m cured of depression, and I thank God for the love and peace that fills my heart! Now I know that wherever I go, God is always with me, and His glory is always shinning above!

    I pray that others can find freedom from the past, through walking with Jesus, and obeying God’s Word!

    • Lee says:

      I am going threw the same thing mental,depression,physical illnesses,financial I feel there is no way out.

  17. Anonymous says:

    This time of year is so depressing when you have no family or close friends. I hear so many people complaining about the holidays from everything to having to cook or having a relative over who they don’t like.

    I would be honored and appreciative to be asked to someones home for Thanksgiving. People need to be thankful for having people in their life cause their lots of us who don’t… 🙁

    • Cindy says:

      I feel exactly the same way. I live alone with my little family of rescued animals. I’m sitting here alone watching all of my neighbors preparing for family get togethers and it suddenly hit me that I’m not sure how long it would take for someone to notice if something happened to me! If I’m outside, I talk to my neighbors but I’m not a part of their lives. I’m not even sure if they notice when I walk my dogs. If I were to have an accident in my home, I’m afraid no one would even check on me.

      • Anonymous says:

        Its horrible to feel that way. I fought it for years and no matter how hard I tried I’m just one of those people that fell through the cracks. Your rescued animal family makes me smile. No matter what they love you unconditionally.. and their always happy to see you… Davis

        • Cindy says:

          My rescue family always gives me a reason to smile. I am a parrot specialist and have 3 beautiful, silly birds that I adore. Most recently, I adopted a 10 yr old Wheaton Terrier and a 2 yr old Pug. I feed feral cats and nursed 2 abandoned infants who now think I’m momma cat. I’ve found that people have always let me down but animals are unconditional love…well, except parrots. With birds, you must earn their trust and respect. If it weren’t for my little family, I wouldn’t be here today.

          • Betty says:

            Hey fellow animal rescue.It seems animals keep me going as well. I think people can learn more from them.Maybe humanity will become more human again.My next step for me is to apply for volunteerism with local animal sanctuary.I hope this will come through for me. I presently stay on small farm but my buddies and wife have no more use for me any more.Time for me to move again as I am fortunate to move my motorhome.I don’t get the impression moving would be viable? Moving doesn’t solve but could open other doors.what are your thoughts?

    • Rose says:

      Here is what I have found to be a blessing.
      Give yourself away! When I go shopping I try to be helpful to those around me. Hold the door for someone. Give an honest compliment. Ask how a Someones Day is going. At my Doctor appointments- I usually bring a Book to read. I started just some small talk with the Receptionist. Eventually I began to bring her a book each time I saw her.
      Even in the Elevator I can pray for Someone.
      Or I would hear about someone who is sick or going home from the Hospital. A heartfelt prayer on a little Card- and a little Gift Bag- a new Coffee Mug, a little Devotion Book, some Candy or Cocoa.
      One day I was feeling very lonely- I found some Stationary and just wrote little Thinking of you Cards to People I knew. It brought me great joy to brighten up someones day! It truly is more blessed to give than it is to receive!
      Before you know it, a Friendship Can Spark Anywhere!

      Proverbs 18:24
      A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

      (I hope you are encouraged, and have a good night!)

    • Anonymous says:


  18. Zanifelia says:

    Wow. Thankyou for this. This put all my crazy emotions and feelings into such an organised writing.
    This explains everything. I feel like I understand myself now.

    • Becky says:

      Every single word written here describes me %100 o am so freaked out about it. Even that you had a motorhome and for the last two days i have been looking for one. I am so happy to know that i am not crazy i am sensitive and its everything written her its what i am. Bless you Bless you and pray for me and i will start because i have been threw a tornado when i was young that blew my house away not in the manner of it starting ar your feet and blew it out from your head.

  19. Karen says:

    I am always sad, I hate my life, I have done so many things in my past that I deeply regret, I just want to turn back time and change the course of my life! They say Suicide is a Permanent solution to a temporary problem, this is true, but I’m Permanently tormented by temporary problems. I have 2 Failed marriages, no friends, a minimum wage job that I hate, I don’t want to do the job anymore, I’m stuck at home (flexi furloughed) I have so many jobs to do around the house, but I have no motivation at all. I suffer with S.A.D which is making me so depressed and I have no prospects or purpose in life. This I feel is Permanent, and I think about Suicide as a solution to all my problems, I can go to my Paradise and live eternally happy, being loved by A man of my dreams, who cares and loves me like I long for so much! I am only ever happy when I’m sleeping, as I feel nothing!!

    • Anonymous says:


    • Carlyle says:

      I definitely understand you .. I really do.. I’ve contemplated the same thing over and over again, even though I push myself every day telling myself things will get better but nothing really does..
      I wish we could sit down and talk about all this and I could give you my support the best that I can..and all hope that’s left in me.

      If you’re still there, sending you hugs❤️

  20. Anonymous says:

    Every week is worse than the one before, and that has been the case for years. I have always been utterly alone and with each year that goes by I lose more, and my life is emptier and more hopeless. No matter what I do I have no close friends and matter to no one- and I am constantly surrounded by people who love and are loved, who have friends and partners and support systems that I will never experience. Everyone I have ever cared about has thrown me away for someone better; my friends forget me for people they prefer no matter how important the relationship was to me. I will never be good enough and I have nothing to look forward to. My life is empty, I have no prospects, my living situation is uncertain, and my future is a dreadful lonely void where I can expect nothing but continually watching people walk away to live happy lives without me while I am left with nothing. I am cheerful and easy to get along with in-person, but no matter how cheerful or attentive or vulnerable or self-reliant I have ever tried to be, I don’t matter. I have tried to make new friends, but opportunities are slim to none, especially due to the pandemic, and it’s impossible to make actual connections at one-time or superficial events anyway. I have hobbies but it feels like there’s no point to anything when you can’t share it with anyone at all. I don’t know how to keep living like this knowing every year just brings me more pain and searing, unbearable isolation. My life feels like a horrible joke.

    • Brandy says:

      I feel exactly the same way! I could never find the words to explain my feelings and you took them right from my mind. I am here to talk too! I could use a friend and it sounds like you amungst others could as well. We should all create a chat and talk to each other….because I think we have more to offer than we think and maybe we could meet a like minded person we can connect with. Hang in there friend I know its hard. I too am in a terrible situation thats only gone downhill. No family but one sister and my nephew. I have my ex i live with but doesnt love me. My mom is dead and all of my closest family and I have no friends. I work and my depression makes it so I dont want to work. All I want to do is sleep and even then its hard to sleep when my mind and thoughts dont shut up! Im struggling and I am very alone. My birthday is on the 4th and im going to be 33 and miserable. Never married cuz nobody has ever truly loved me, just used me and lied and cheated while I gave them everything. I have had friends that had affairs with my partners. I have been through so much and I cant help but cry. Now on top of all this im alone for the holidays and now I am financially broke with 4$ to my name until I get paid and I cant even get a coffee. I am just lost….so idk maybe we can all help each other a bit since we understand what we are going through.

    • Jacky says:

      My story exact. I am a good friend to people, but somehow it translates to me always getting the short stick and never having long lasting closeness. I always wonder then how other people keep friends when there are not even close to being so devoted and helpful and caring. I honestly think sometimes it has to do with me oozing with insecurities and the fact that I come across as desperate, not having boundaries or things I am proud of to share. I think about suicide a lot.

    • Sunset Rose says:

      I’m the excatly the same I’m a victim of sexual assult a I’m a person of childhood sexual abuse I’ve been peer pressured into using heavy drugs then trafficked serious DV survivor my family left me with it my man is in jail And tbh he is self absorbed and just wants all the attention 24/7 I walk around alone no-one wants to be my friend as I’m not popular or because of my mental health I’m deemed as damaged goods, I’ve never done wrong by anyone and I’m a very loving caring person, my man has alot of control over me e.g spy’s on me and is in every aspect of my life ( only wants to know if I’m seeing anyone else) which I have never cheated and put my life down on it, I don’t have anyone check up on me not a hello not a word I could be dead for months in my apartment before anyone notices I had alot of jealous woman when I was younger because I was very attractive untill I was abused ECT I’m now 36 overweight suffer from mental illnesses and want to die everytime I wake up I don’t want to wake up I hate my life and I was dealt with a bad hand at birth, I don’t trust system as it failed me ( it creates this for entertainment) and I’ve been trying to get myself out of the pits but it isn’t working, I have 0 days of feeling happy or feeling any emotions I can’t wait till it’s over I’m 36 yr old female and I hate it here.

    • Anonymous says:

      I feel the same way. Everyday. I was with my ex for ten years and it was a horrible relationship I kept because I didnt want to end up like this. We’ve been over for two years now. I was already struggling with this horrible empty feeling when my best friend of 13 years decided that she just was going to drop me for no reason at all. And my family doesn’t listen to a word I say and its almost like I’m not even there. I’ve been feeling this hopeless sadness for years but lately after my friend drop me and now I’m left completely alone. I think I’ve gone so far into empty that I’m actually calm. Like an empty calm. I dont even have thoughts most of the day. I know the empty calm is more dangerous then the depression. Because I no longer even care to escape it. I think I’ve just accepted my fate of being alone forever.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I spend day upon day wondering why no one wants to know me. Seems unless l am doing a job or a favour for someone, all is good, after that l don’t hear from them again. Have often asked people, what is wrong with me, have l upset you. Same answer as always no you are fine, yet l have no friends. No one calls me, or texts me, or even writes to me. I look a okay, am clean living, polite, and helpful, l make conversation too, yet it gets me no where. Not really sure why l am writing this here, probably a waste of time as usual. Thanks for reading, will be glad when my life ends l really will.

    • Angie says:

      I’m so sorry to read that you feel that way about yourself. It’s how I feel about me too though. I’m empty and can’t fake my way anymore, drained. Want to rest. I wish the both us could wake up from a good nights sleep in a different universe, one where we live out lives and feel accepted, loved, and have so much to look forward to doing.

    • Karen says:

      I feel the same as you. You are not alone in your torment. I am lonely, my kids have all grown up and have lives of their own. I’m recently divorced from a Narcissistic man. We can chat, if you want?

    • Anonymous says:

      Feel same exact way

    • Jacky says:

      Add me, feeling same as all of you.

    • 05 says:

      I deal with the exact same problem.
      I’m not a bad person, I’ve always put others before myself, I’ve gone out of my way for others countless times, I’ve been polite, hardworking, etc., etc. And yet, I’ve never had anyone I could count on in my times of need; I’ve never had anyone who’d care for me, who’d remember that I exist, who’d talk to me just for fun, who’d willingly offer to spend time with me and not only when they need my help. Being always the one to reach out was too tiresome – and after I stopped trying, “friends” simply disappeared from my life without a second thought. Like it was the very moment they’ve been waiting for.
      I’m not a very social person, but I’m so tired of being alone all the time. Living only for myself is pointless. Why even need anything if it’s only for yourself to experience? Happiness becomes worthless when there’s no one there to share it with. Sadness becomes endless torment when there’s no one there to help you ease the pain. How can one not hate himself when life looks like that?
      I already know my existence is going to be a lonely one – I just hope it is a short one too.

    • Anonymous says:

      You are not alone. I feel your pain. Keep going, throw caution to the wind, nothing to loose right, when you already feel at rock bottom. Do something out of your comfort zone, I think that’s where I am at to, I feel like just doing things different, and see where that takes me, cause life as it is for me isn’t fulfilled. Also I think I will go to Church and invite Jesus into my life. Before I do what I want to do, which is too permanent. I am alone, a friend to all but no friends.

  22. Emma says:

    Here I am standing alone in a huge shopping mall, feeling like stranded in an island. I stumbled past this post and can feel the utter disappointment of realizing I have no friends. I’m weird and withdrawn, and I feel like I will die alone someday,unknown to anyone,and my corpse will just be a nice lunch for vultures scooping up from the sky. How pathetic. Even God seems to have forsaken me.

    • Lucy says:

      God has not forsaken you. He’s instructed me to tell you, you are a worthy person and deserving of love. Prayers and hugs to you. Praying you find peace within and support and love from those surrounding you.

    • Anonymous says:

      Reading your words is so sad and familiar to me. I don’t have any family and was brought up between many foster homes and orphanages. Your comment about passing away so breaks my heart for you. Its bad enough having had those same thoughts about myself but it hurts as bad knowing you hurt the same way.


    • Angie says:

      No, God will not forsake you! If anything, you are even more special to Him. You are obviously strong! I believe this of us who have been down so low can make terrific friends for others because we appreciate good, loving contact since we know the despair of loneliness. I pray you will find acceptance and love, especially on your own heart, and are able to realize the gifts you have. Weird? I’ve been called weird loads of times, and once a coworker said it’s a compliment because I’m ME. Weird is good. It’s not boring, it’s not the usual, and for many of us, it’s our cup of tea. Be yourself and know you DO belong. Realize your strength and don’t worry about what (insecure) persons may think that you’re not a carbon copy of them! There’s a HUGE world of people out here and you will never be alone. I bet for everyone who feels alone (me included), there are people out there who fit. Don’t give up, Emma! ❤️

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m lonely and socially isolated as well I’m 35 will be 36 less than 2 months not even close to getting married. What a joke not even a prospect at that. I’m lonely this thanksgiving not even an invitation from what contacts I have. I guess I’m not the only one in this hellish situation of isolation.

  23. Sue says:

    I guess no one wants to talk to me here either 😞

    • Carla says:

      It’s not that no one wants to talk to you. Myself i am both lonely and at times depressed. I went from being an active mother to non active mother . The day my little boy passed was the day being active as a mother shifted for me . From 18 to 49 living that way having 3 children to now only two . It’s been 3 years and people are changing because of society and natural human effection is becoming less. People are afraid of meeting or trying to carry a friendship thinking they may be protecting themselves and they may be . However , there are ones of us who still live by our morality and our hearts guided by a higher power or griping onto family values. It’s not that “no one ” wants to talk to you . It’s maybe that your being protected and the right person who could be solid has not come into their time for you . I’m here reaching out unknowing if anyone will actually read this but faith and hope I believe and believe in . God bless

      • Sue says:

        Thanks so much…I am 42 now…when, when when will that right person / friend / partner – whoever – appear? I have been waiting all my life…all I get is this rubbish 😔 I have thought about that myself – what you said – that this is the universe’s way of protecting me – chucking out those who are not good for me…but god it’s a lonely sad existence. It’s like I am a leper 😞

        • Anonymous says:

          Please don’t wait for that person. Get some loving pets and do things that make you happy. I am 62 and never found the right person. Never really worried about it because I had lots of goals. After dating hoards and hoards of frogs, I have given up dating. It was all disappointing and after 42 years of it I finally threw in the towel. The motto is “never rely on anyone”

          • Anonymous says:

            Best advice never rely on anyone never trust anyone I was recently very badly treated and dumped by a friend I thought I was very close to she told me she loved me she was so thankful we met then no explanation but came to my house and told me she was ending the friendship I hadn’t done anything wrong she said but she didn’t wasn’t to be friends anymore I was/am heartbroken I will never trust another person for the rest of my life people will Always let you down!

      • Anonymous says:

        Thank you for your post. Much has gone on in my life for me to feel lonely and depressed. Included my son passing two years ago. No family, nor friends. I’m trying to live with faith and hope. Believing.

        • CC says:

          I am so sorry for you and can’t imagine your pain. People just run the other way when you’re going through something. My son is autistic, so I feel as though I’ve lost a child too. I was rejected by my family, so I carry that around with me and sabotage myself wherever I go. I don’t know how to stop it. I pray things get better for you and that you find a friend who understands.

  24. Sue says:

    I am sorry to anyone I bore. And I say this genuinely. I had no childhood. My father is bipolar and had various episodes and affairs – at age 6/7 I had to drag him off my mum while he was strangling her – he said he was giving her a massage. Mum & I moved away and started living separately but my mum kept dragging me to see him so there would be a connection. Let me state I love both dearly. It’s just a shame. Mum’s anger knew no bounds – every day she’d come home and hit me – she’d find some reason. Luckily my grandma lived with us and she was the ointment. She told me ‘pls do not take it to heart your mother needs to take it out on someone’. So I thought to myself ‘ok I will be her punching bag – this is service to my mum’. I did not realise the scars it would leave. She was never happy with me…she would drag me to family gatherings and because they would try to gang up and bully me I would try to hide in some corner – she would scold me for being ‘anti-social’ – I told her what was happening but again I was the problem. Too many stories to delve into. I kept myself company – told myself one day I would have my own loving family. Fast forward to 2013 – I met my ex husband and I felt he rescued me. He gave me that love, that understanding – that kindness I had craved for. We got married in 2016 – 3 months later it all fell apart. He succumbed to a mid life or work stress or god knows what – took it out on me & I was forced to leave the house in 2017. He and his family and friends had by then all ganged up on me – I felt cornered but my mum sat overseas and did not once come down to help me. Over the years the rest of the family had distanced themselves from me – so I could not ask them either. I had no one – I felt so alone. I stood by mum throughout her battle with my dad – and here she was in mid crisis, my hour of need – she’d do lip service over the phone – that too when I rang. And I was the ever dutiful daughter who rang everyday. My anxiety and depression was diagnosed and it was horrible – the psychologist said in front of my mum ‘how is she still standing’. Yet for 4 months in 2017 she blocked me – she did not speak to me – why? Cos I had shown her my rage – I had dared to vomit the poison out. My best mate tried to talk to her – she refused. She did not even ask after me in those 4 months. It was punishment you see. When she raged on for 19 years I tolerated that and loved her and felt for her agony. But she could not tolerate a couple of enraged whatsapp messages. My ex husband also never spoke to me after I left the house. A year later I applied for divorce and it was granted in a blink – my dream gone – lots of couples bicker but to be kicked out like this – like the marriage never mattered – and then be forgotten like this? Is this how important I am? Is this how useless I am? Since 2017 many friends – have only 1 left now and he does not even ask me how I am – left me one by one. Including my ‘best’ mate who I viewed as my brother. Oh and they just did not walk away – they flung choice words and walked away. Even at work I was bullied and treated appallingly – multiple workplaces – so there is something very wrong with me – nobody wants me – I am a thorn in everyone’s flesh. I have tried many counsellors and one even fell asleep – I am tired – I cannot keep meeting new counsellors in the hope they will get me. It’s best to die. No one will miss me – if anything they will be relieved. Am a pain.

    • Tabitha says:

      I feel the same every day

      • Sue says:

        Tabitha – hugs (and genuine ones) – why don’t we be each other’s company then? Perhaps I can be of some use after all….

    • Kimberly says:

      I think you are doing too much thinking about negative things in your life past and present. Find something to be thankful for and tuck it away in your mind as you go off to volunteer at an animal shelter, a food bank, a hospital or nursing home. Just find a place that accepts help and go be that helper. It will take your mind off of your own unhappiness and troubles. People will hug you and thank you and you will start to feel useful and needed. And you are needed! There’s a lot of pain in the world and you can be a part of the solution. Go and God Bless.

      • Sue says:

        Thanks for the ideas. I have tried many things – learn fencing, a new language etc. but am a bit handicapped cos I don’t drive. This is one of the reasons my ex husband left me. So I cannot get to places easily. Also I do have a mortgage & my mother to support. So I cannot leave this job & go to an animal shelter & volunteer. When negative things keep happening – I find it hard to find the positives if any. Can you tell me how to ignore the negatives & only see the positives? And if there are none – then how do I conjure up imaginary positives? I used to be a hopeless optimist – saw the glass half full – completely full in fact – but then life caught me unawares while I was in positive world bliss. Is that not dangerous? To ignore negatives just because one is told to? I cannot see any positives in my life – no child, no partner, no friends, no family….and there won’t be a child – too old, surrogacy too expensive – cannot adopt since government here in Australia does not allow single ppl to adopt – kind of against human rights but who am I to complain. At work they don’t even notice I exist – in their family conversations I am a misfit – when I do talk, they talk over me about their husbands, wives, kids, dogs etc etc – I don’t have those stories. Can you tell me what I can talk about so they notice me maybe?

        • Kimberly says:

          First of all, I am very sorry to hear of your suffering. Believe it or not, many people struggle with the same feelings you do. At various times I have been one of them. You have your mom, right? Do you have any pets? Would you like a dog to take care of? You could take pictures of it and bring the photos to work. Ask your co-workers for advice about what to feed him, etc. People love to answer questions about animal care. By the way, how kind of you to support your mother.

          • Sue says:

            I am thinking of getting a puppy – but in a rental property & landlady has been bullying me since April. Even though many of the residents in my building have dogs, I know if I ask for permission they will attack. Already because my mum is stuck here cos of Covid, they have been harassing me – demanding I put her on the lease, demanding I give them her passport. I have refused but I know they want me out since I stood up for my rights and went to the civil tribunal who ruled in my favour. 2 days after the ruling, the bullying started. So if I now ask permission for a pet, they will no doubt say no just out of pettiness..

  25. Pls. Anonymous says:

    I know exactly why I’ve absolutely no
    friends or support. 10 years ago, I unknowingly handed myself on a silver platter to someone who, I learned too late, turned out to be a malignant narcissist. Last February, the day after my birthday, 3 police officers came to my door & told me I had 15 minutes to gather my belongings and leave my apartment. I was informed that my (by-then room mate) accused me of domestic abuse, filed an order of protection against me which meant immediate eviction. These false allegations caused me to lose all that I had worked so hard for. His smear campaign also resulted in losing my career and I can’t use my last (and only) apartment as a reference.
    I didn’t wind up homelessness (luckily I had 2 credit cards in case of an emergency. I am working with a therapist who specializes in PTSD. That’s the bright spot. I currently live in a place that terrifies me (a place with short to long term stays) as drug activity is the norm and residents are often scarily unpredictable. The immediate area is deserted save for homeless meth addicats. I have no transportation. I maxed out my cards staying in motels before moving here. I don’t dare go out at night. I do have a mom, but she has schizophrenia and lives in a facility. Talk about being stuck. I’m 65 and assuming this will be my last residence (save a miracle) and having no one to share my life with is too much for me. Sometimes the ugly side of life cannot be fixed.

  26. Anonymous says:

    I fought anxiety and panic attacks for years, until my divorce in 2013. Now it’s come back hard. Life is good, family is great, but I feel like I’m treading water and that everyone is standing by waiting for me to drown. I’m so nervous to say too much, in fear of saying the wrong thing, and I have no close friends. I always say that my personality is one that is either loved or hated, and feel that people just tolerate me. I’m just sad.

  27. Anonymous says:

    I’m a middle aged man now and I am faced with a terrible situation. I’ve spent my whole life in a family business as an employee. My father and his two brothers started the company many years ago and over time they’ve all passed away. I don’t own any stock and the business is now on the verge of being sold. It’s just the way things work out. I have never been known for being real smart but I have a great work ethic and the rank and file employee’s all like me.

    When the transaction happens I’ve already been told I will not be retained. I don’t even get a severance. I make a living. I’m not rich. I have a typical retirement account which is not loaded with money. I have no idea what to do when its over. It isn’t real fair that I will leave with nothing but there is nothing that can change that.

    My heart breaks for my wife. She thinks I’m smart and everything will always be fine. She is such a great lady.

    The only bright spot in all of this is there is an insurance policy my father had on me ..paid by the company with our wives and/or children being the beneficiary. Its just her and me..No kids..

    As long as the business is owned by the family the policy remains in force. As of December 31, 2020 they will cancel it . It hurts so bad to write this but if I end my life before then my wonderful wife can get that money. I have agonized over this..I have thought about every possible remedy. There is none.

    She will be heart broken if I do this but I can’t bear the thought of her suffering.. At least this way she will have enough money to retire one day and live out her life the way she is wishes. Between this insurance money. my 401 k and social security she will be ok. I’m sick to my stomach as I write this. Her and I live a simple life. We don’t drink and don’t really have close friends. But we have each other and we’ve been more then happy for 35 years.

    I’m to old to start over. I have no formal education. The worse part is the nephew who controls the company now is so rude to me. I’m just the moron uncle in his mind…… I just want my wife taking care of. I’ve started planning my end. Its no fun thinking this way but the reality is I’m worth more dead then alive.

    I know people reading this will think I’m crazy..insane… Wanting the best for your spouse is none of that . . I’m in a lot of conflict. I have been laying awake at night worrying.. Not about me but for her. I have visions of us being homeless. My sweet little wife being a street person is a thought I can’t live with… I’ve written her a long loving note..I beg her to understand that I just want her to be safe and taken care of.

    I don’t expect anyone to understand. Yes it feels very hopeless..

    • Anonymous says:

      Please don’t do this! I am a middle aged woman who has been with her husband for 29 years. He is my BEST friend. Without him life would be unbearable. It sounds like this is similar to your situation. Money will mean nothing to her without you. If it were me, I couldn’t live with or from the money gained from my husband’s demise. Just the thought of it makes me ill. I’d rather live in a tiny one room cottage in the woods with my husband than the four bedroom, 4500 square-foot house that we live in now if I had to without him!! I mean that with all my heart! I am beseeching you to go to your wife as a friend and speak to her not in letters but it in real life. It wouldn’t hurt to start journaling as well and to possibly get counseling for your devastating situation. She sounds like a wonderful lady and I’m sure she will stand by your side as you get through this soul-searching, but ultimately grand learning experience together.

    • Anonymous says:

      Dear, Anon.
      I sincerely feel for your pain and your situation, & I truly hope that you will read my message & that my situation might comfort you in some way. I am depressed myself at the moment and having some thoughts of suicide. I feel that coming across this post and your message so recently posted could be fated – if you believe in such things – (personally i try to push words like “fate” away when I feel so low, but at the same time, “fated acts” like this one are one reason I have found in myself to hold on… and this evening as I write this message to you, I hope that you might feel the same after reading my next words.)

      My family also had a business of their own for many years. It was started my my grandfather & grandmother on my fathers side. When I was a child, my father & mother ran the business — they had taken it over, along with an aunt & uncle of mine (before I was born) when my grandparents retired.

      I too began working at this business & my siblings & I had our first jobs there at a young age. It only felt like a natural progression that someday me, or one of my siblings, would take things over. Aunt & Uncle have no children, & it was one of their greatest pains to not be able to have children of their own, so my siblings & I were thought of as children, & they as 2nd parents, in some ways to them, considering how close we grew up with them, & what a big encompassing family life we had – surrounded by the family business.

      My story does swerve away from yours here, but it meets up back with your position in the next paragraph – I worked there until I graduated, attended university, and went on to live in another town, with other jobs in my career (which did not change whatsoever from the industry of the family – I had already been doing this since I was 12, so I choose it for school at 18 without much of an idea of what else I wanted in life than to follow in my families footsteps.) tragically, the business closed its doors three years after my graduation. (1 year after completion of university).

      Although still in my early 20s at that time I remember the bankruptcy being very hard on my family. So hard that it drove my family apart – my parents & aunt & uncle still do not speak to this day, & along with everything that went on behind the scenes (which I will not share here) I discovered later in life, that my family carried a lot of pain… & a lot of that pain came from the family business, it’s ultimate ending, & (even more) the division it created in the personal relations of my family – & my siblings & I as adults.

      My parents were left with NOTHING – everyone involved was left with nothing. They all moved away from the town after things officially shut down & began again from scratch. It was difficult watching my parents pick up the pieces. My father fell headfirst into alcoholism & my mother – even more into her habit of eternal optimism & hiding true feelings to be strong for her children (who no longer were even under their roof). My siblings & I also had our own mixed feelings, in different ways, & so quickly it happened that all we had known of that place we grew up with so much love around us was quickly boarded up & locked off; the scraps of our family home packed up (what was left) & taken away to a new place for my parents to have their new beginning.

      Now, in my late 40’s, (married, no children) I find myself at the end of my rope. Mentally exhausted (2020 has been no help to me… or too many… ) I began looking for a new career only a few years ago. It took me over 20 years to realize I didn’t want to follow in my families footsteps after all. So I understand the challenge of searching for something new work-wise at a mature age when all you have ever done is the same thing. In that regard, I want to tell you that I was able to get assistance from a government funding program for people without financial means to return to school. I did it! It was very difficult at first, especially at my age, but it was also a lot easier than I expected – & I put my whole heart into my studies. I want you to consider the possibilities that are before you of carrying on. No matter how tired you may be, no matter have overwhelming the situation, you can make it through. My father & mother have found their way back to financial freedom now. It took them what seemed like many years when they first lost everything, but now – they are here!

      I don’t want to sound cliche or overly positive because I know, since I am having some depressed thoughts at this time myself, but I want you to know that some cliches are true – and I am one of them – and so is my family – “no matter how bad you think you have it some one else has it worse.”

      I lost my job because of COVID. My husband is currently ill and we are living on his disability checks, and we have nothing to fall back on. I can assure you that the love I have for my husband, & my belief in his recovery, is often one of the only reasons I need to push myself though the barrier in my mind that says the best thing for me to do would be to just “end things.” The 2 of us speak openly about my mental health as I have struggled with depression for many years. Even now, as sick as he is, he brings a smile to my face every day with his endless humour and strength to live.

      I can imagine the position you are in – since I have been daydreaming about ending my life this past week – job after job declined me due to my lack of experience in this new role … I can also imagine that giving the circumstances, if I could give my life for my husband in any way, I would. But, you are not dying. This end of this chapter in your and your wife’s lives does not need to be the end of your life, or the start of something new you feel you can’t give her. So often when we lose the people we love there is so much we wish we could’ve said to them before they go, and I can guarantee you your wife is no different. Given the choice between her husband or the money, I can guarantee she would choose you. And I feel you need to choose yourself too.

      There are many people who feel they are losing right now with everything that has happened – and I know these times are especially hard for everyone – so when I have my thoughts of leaving I think about how I am not the only one hurting right now, I look at my husband and think about all the things we will do when he is healthy again – and it isn’t going on holidays or having lavish dinners or anything expensive – just to be in his arms without him in pain is enough. You’re wife wants the same for you. Although you do not have physical pain, or an ailment that shows on the surface, I recognize that depression can feel like you are missing a limb.

      Talk to your wife about what you are feeling.
      Find a free resource you can utilize (there are many) to speak to someone when you feel this way.
      it is true that having some one to talk to helps – before I send this message to you I was crying and forcing those thoughts away – but now I feel hope – not just for me – but for you – for everyone that is in pain.

      The world is painful, it’s a fact – but it is what you do during challenges in life that really matter in the end.

      Let this be a new beginning.

      I will too. Let’s push ahead for change – find our own path.

      Maybe I really am following in my parents footsteps.

      • Anonymous says:

        NOTE: with regard to possibilities before you – I mentioned school. Don’t dismiss the power of your position at your current family business.
        This is something HUGE for your resume that easily landed both my mother and father jobs in the same field.
        There are resources for helping you make your resume and all that Jazz for free through government funding.
        Trust that you have the skills and expertise to land something new – and trust the process.

    • A says:

      I can’t imagine any insurance policy paying out on suicide. If you disrespect your wife’s desires enough to leave her to cope with feelings of how nice it is to have money, but at the expense of her husband to share life or have reason to spend the money, then this idea if yours is going to be really awful if your policy doesn’t pay out AND you leave your wife knowing she’d rather have the money than you or she wouldn’t but she knows you were willing to leave her alone because you thought so little of her character.

      • Anonymous says:

        Insurance companies usually do not pay insurance policy money if death is from suicide. Things have a way of working out.This to shall past.God will take you when he is ready.There are so many hurting and lonely people.We are not alone. God is still in control He has a plan for each one of us. The Lord will lead you each step of your life.Turn it over to him. He loves you he knows your needs and he will provide.🙏🏻

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m praying your still with us and reading our comments. Your position and staying with something all these years is the FIRST criteria I look at when considering a new hire. People who change jobs every six months I don’t even consider. You have something that’s getting lost more and more each day…Work ethic..Reliability.

      Please take a good look around as your a PROVEN operator! You may find that there are better opportunities.. ..better money and respect from other companies.. On a personal note in 20014 my wife of 21 years was diagnosed with MS. The decline in her case was rapid.

      She was a very active woman and when her mobility was getting more difficult she ended her life. Shock when I discovered her doesn’t even scratch the surface… I knew where she was headed with her health and it is a terrible illness. She left me a long note. She said she didn’t want to be a “burden”

      I was beyond grief stricken. We had been together since our junior year in college. The word “burden” just broke my heart. I was her husband. I took the vow. I was always “ALL IN” Good bad or whatever. Burden or no burden..She would have felt the same had it been me with MS..

      The grief was bad enough,. I was so angry that she never reached out and said what she was thinking. I was her husband.. The guy who was always going to be there for her and she left in the way your talking about. I don’t even know you but please don’t do this to your bride.. I can assure you she will not understand. As some other commenters have said that money will not be of any comfort to her.

      She will be sad.mad.angry distraught. Trust me my friend. Those emotions all packed together are mind numbing. Talk to her. There is NO reason to do this. Please don’t break her heart..


    • Kim says:

      My husband has been gone 6 months now and I would give up every penny to have him back. Your wife won’t care how much money she has without you. What could she enjoy spending money on without her wonderful husband by her side. You do sound like a wonderful husband too. Dont devastate your wife by leaving her to face a lonely future without you. Money will not make her as happy as you do.

    • Rose Star says:

      It’s depression and anxiety telling you that you can’t make it. Screw your family who have abused you. To hell with them. You can and will make it. You are blessed to have ‘someone’, your wife, who loves you and believes in you. YOU CAN DO IT. This ending is so you will HAVE SOMETHING BETTER. Have home and move forward one step at a time. If you just take the next step it is easy. So just take the next step. You CAN do it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Please please please do not do that.

      You’ve missed the most important thing out and that is communication.
      Speak to you’re wife!! You must tell her how you are feeling then you can both come together to find ways to help each other through this.
      Imagine how she would feel if you ended it and the husband that loves her so much never spoke to her about his problems. That’s not peace for her she will be tormented by that forever.
      Please talk to her

    • Kimberly says:

      You wife will be terribly, terribly hurt if you kill yourself. You will end up causing her more pain than you can shake a stick at. So, don’t. You can get another job somewhere. You said you have a retirement account set up. This is not the end of the world even though you feel really bad. The bad feelings will pass. Stay in the game, especially for your wife. Jobs end, things change and life goes on. You are fortunate to have a wife that loves you because many people do not. Give yourself a little bit of time to grieve your job but not too much time. Your wife needs you and not your insurance funds. Be there for her and let her be there for you because none of us is perfect and I am sure she already knows that about you.

  28. Diane says:

    I turned 39 in July. I have no friends and when I say no friends I mean no friends. I was with my boyfriend for 5 and half years which ended 2 years ago. I have no children. I had to move in with my mom because I have so much debt trying to live by myself still. Ive gained 60 pounds. I just wish I would die sometimes and get it over with. I realized to late that he was my person but he didn’t want me looks are fading. I’ll die alone.

    • Rose Star says:

      As long as you have life you have hope. I get it. Believe me I do. I am in the same boat except I never had a companion. You had those 5 1/2 years at least. People change and move on. Everything in life is MOMENTS. Find anything in the day to be happy about even if it’s a bird or a tree or the sun shining or a breeze or the fresh cool rain. Find something to be grateful for every day. You are 39. That is young. You have your life ahead of you. Enjoy this time right now. If you have gained 60 pounds that means you are not eating healthy. Eating healthy vegetables and fruits and so forth and walking daily at least 20 to 30 min will help your mental health a lot. Just do it. That guy was NOT YOUR PERSON or you would not have got out of the relationship. It’s nice to have someone but you don’t have to have a man to be happy. Get healthy and happy and the right man may come along. Share your life with someone because you want to not because you need to. You have a chance living with your mom to get out of debt, save money, and get healthy. YOU CAN DO IT. You have SO MUCH HOPE.

  29. Mark says:

    Life really sucks as it is, and being a single and lonely man makes it a real double whammy altogether.

    • Anonymus says:

      I just do not know who Iam or my purpose in life just now Iam single,barriers up and do not trust anyone.So caĺled friends Fake backstabbers……I keep myself to myself and dont want their intervention just to gossip and assume…….

    • Anonymous says:

      Agreed..One of the Eddie Murphy “Nutty Professor” movies was on the other night and there is a line in there that really is upsetting as I have lived it.

      “You know it’s funny how you get used to certain things in life. You get used to being overweight. I did. You even get used to people making fun of you. Somewhere along the line I got used to being alone. And I just don’t want to be alone anymore.”

      I stayed awake all night thinking about those few words. I got used to no one returning my calls. I got use to never being invited anywhere. I got use to inviting “friends” over to only have them not show up. I got use to cruel comments….. I got use to being lonely….Just a movie but those words are my life for sure….

      • Rose Star says:

        I know what you mean. It is hard to be alone. I have exactly the same experience. People don’t like being around depressed and sad people. Most people pretend everything is fine when it’s not. They do this, I think, to have friends and family want to be around them. It’s sad really. Some people don’t have time to be ‘our’ friends or return calls because they have spouses and children and grandchildren and jobs and lives. It is hard, but we can learn to be happy with what we have and find things to be grateful for daily. Take care of your body. See your body as your ‘friend’and treat it like a friend by eating healthy and walking daily and finding something to do even if it’s organizing your closet or volunteering somewhere to help others. Best wishes for a life that gets happier day by day.

  30. stuck says:

    I really relate to a lot of the things brought up here. I’m 15 and I’ve never actually been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, or any form of mental illness. My family isn’t big on health, we only go to the doctor’s when there’s something serious or to get our checkups and whatnot, and even when I bring up therapists or counselors, or anything my parents just dismiss it. It may be self diagnosed, but I am certain I have it. I might not have had depression before quarantine started, but I definitely did during middle school and now, I do think I have it again. I think I’ve laid on my bed crying every other day for several days in a row now, and haven’t come out of my room besides to wash up or eat food.

    I haven’t talked to my friends/acquaintances in months now. I haven’t talked to anyone in months besides my parents briefly a few minutes a day, and they only talk to me to call me to meals. I want to talk to my friends so badly, but it seems nobody opens the group chat that much to talk anymore, and I’m not really the type to start anything. Besides, they aren’t even that close to me, I don’t even really completely know their interests.

    Every time I lie on the bed now, I just really despise everything. Why did I have to move? I could’ve had a nice and stable friend group with similar interests in elementary school, why did I have to change to a different middle school where I made no friends or actual acquaintances at all? Why did I have to move to a different high school, too, just when I was starting to get to know a few people at my old middle school? Honestly… at this point, I haven’t really had fun with my friends in years. I don’t know. I really don’t know how to get out of this, at this point. I’ve tried so many things ever since I realized I barely had any acquaintances at all in middle school, but I don’t know. I thought it was going to be different in high school, but that fear of talking to new people and filtering out my words was still the same up until quarantine, and I really don’t know what to do anymore. How am I even going to talk to my friends when this quarantine ends, how am I going to adjust to everything again.

    Sometimes I think about maybe going online to make friends. But then, my grades will probably drop as I spend hours upon hours chatting with them, and I’d probably ditch them when school starts again to do all my other activities.

    Those thoughts of ending everything pop up in my mind again every now and then. I just feel so empty. I don’t know what to do.

    • Anonymous says:

      I hope you know your not alone. I know exactly how you feel, and you are worth the time and effort of friends. Your parents I’m sure love you, and sometimes faking it- happiness, can make it real

    • Rae says:

      We could be friends!

      I’m 14 and weird too. I also have no friends but that’s probably because I never recovered socially from depression and I recently got cured physically. Now everyone thinks I’m the “weird emo girl”. Yes, I was bullied and ridiculed for having depression although my bullies probably had it themselves.

      My personality is sort of like Gretchen from mean girls, I try way too hard but still end up with no one. I didn’t realize I had no friends in middle school until high school rolled around.

      I hear kids in my school whining about having no friends one day but talking and laughing with their six besties the next. It makes me mad how much people underrate the severity of having no friends. They act like it’s a term you can just stick on when you need attention, to just snap and have girls and guys patting you on the back and giving you compliments.

      Seriously and legitimately having no friends is heartbreaking. Getting picked last for teams in gym, even though it’s your favorite sport and you’ve trained for years. Always being the one person standing at the front of the class when the teacher says “Alright, who wants to be her(or his or xir) partner?” and then watching people be visibly angry at you for breaking them up with their friend. Sitting at lunch in either an empty table or one full of people who feel bad for you, ignore you or trash you, but you can’t leave because you have nowhere to go.

      Being forced to do all of the work in a possible friendship because they know you’ll fall for it and then they’ll get a free trip to Dairy Queen, planned, prepped and paid for by you, and all they have to do is show up, while texting their friend ripping apart your appearance while you pour your heart out to them. They then spread rumors and leave you, laughing about how easy you are to fool. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been left out of

      It sucks missing out on high school. I haven’t had a best friend since 2nd grade, and a real friend since 5th. My best friend left me, and my only real friend died in Yemen. I hate going to school every day, because coupled with my school rep as the weird depressed girl and my social anxiety, it’s a hellhouse. I haven’t had a first kiss, or have ever had a boy or girl like me back (I’m a closeted bi). I feel incredibly ugly and still have a baby face, stick out ears, an ugly nose, and frizzy thick dirty-blonde hair. I don’t have a single picture of me on my phone that I think looks pretty, because the scale of “youre pretty” to “you’re ugly” remarks at school is 0-around 10.

      I sympathize with every nerd and weird kid in sitcoms because I feel that’s how I’m taken as. No matter how many times I’ve blanded down my personality, dumbed myself down, faked confidence, faked fakeness, gotten rid of my interests because they weren’t cool enough or made up imaginary friend names to tell others to not look like a loser, it never changes for me. I’m the weird girl you’re only using to vent to and get free stuff out of. I hope it changes for me soon, but reply if you want me to be your friend 🙂

      • Anonymous says:

        Hello, Anon.
        Your message reminds me very much of my own adolescence- though I am over double your age now!
        I understand the importance of friends – especially as a teenager, even if most friendships do not survive into adulthood from high school (some do, but from my experience, rare – and some times people you keep acquaintances with but are no longer close too at different stages in life.)
        I found my best friend at a different school and my first bf also came from meeting at a social activity outside of school.
        Consider, if there is an option for you, taking on some classes or extracurricular activities outside of your high schools social circle. Somewhere where you don’t feel like you are under the stigma of your reputation, and do this for the sake of your interests – your genuine interests – not with the purpose of seeking friends, but rather (forgive me because this will sound a little cheesy) your own best friend by doing things solo that make you feel happy and whole.
        You will find that when you immerse yourself in something that you are really interested in it will not matter if you are alone or with someone else. Maybe you don’t know what that is yet, but you can take on new challenges and experience them until you find something you are passionate for. Along the way, you will find others that share that interest / passion and you will find friendships with these people easy – not like the tough coldness of being the social exile to the “popular kids” at school (who, by the way, most likely only think you are “weird” because you are NOT AFRAID to be yourself where as most teenagers your age tend to play the blending in game and it seems odd to them when someone isn’t afraid to be themselves.)
        I understand it is hard to get picked last for team games and activities at school. I remember going through this same thing. I was a really excellent soccer player – but I still got picked last.
        I took the advice I am giving you and joined a junior soccer team that had players from a bunch of different schools.
        I made my best friend this way. We were different in many ways, but we had a shared love for the sport and this, in my opinion, made us closer than any of the “fake friend” relationships at my high school. She invited me to a party from her school once and I could see that she was a popular jock girl – but in a different way – because she didn’t seclude me or try to hide me away. She said “this is my friend ‘anon’ and we play (provincial girls) soccer together” and I was accepted.
        This same friendship happened to gI’ve me the confidence I needed to try out for the high school team.
        The coach picked me in the top 5 for the starting line. It’s funny how when someone who truly sees who you really are and your potential will pick you out of the bunch based on nothing but who is standing before them – but we will feel more judged by getting picked last by a “jury of our peers.”
        I still got picked last in gym after this, and the “mean girls” bullied me extra hard that year (one of their buddies got canned from the team because I outperformed her) SO please try to think of this at school – you are not being judged or chosen based on anything that is real, when it comes to your peer group.
        Stand strong in who you are and you will make solid friendships based on your authentic interests — more importantly, you will learn what truly matters in this world are the people who love and accept you for who you are, even if that means waiting for those people to come into your life, you can love yourself and take yourself on an adventure.
        Best wishes

        • Anonymous says:

          Thank you! I’m transferring schools next year to a private, all girls school so I’m crossing my fingers! I’m going through a tough time right now, you made my day!

    • Rose Star says:

      Wow. You are 15. That is fanstastic. Your whole life ahead of you. You can make your life what you want it to be. It is wonderful that you are studying. That is SO IMPORTANT. If you can find something you love and go to college for that and get a job you love that will help a lot. I wonder if you could talk to the school counselor? If you feel you need therapy then there are ways to get it. Ask at your school. A move can be a challenge because you have to start over, but you never know it might turn out better than where you were before. It just may take some time. As long as you are alive you have hope. Take it one step at a time. Just do the next thing you have to do. Maybe you could journal your feelings or write a book. Sometimes putting your thought down on paper can help you feel better. I can see so many beautiful things for you in your future. Right now is the time you prepare for your future. Eat healthy, exercise 30 min daily, study and prepare. Go to: —– This man is great and he gets it. Listening to him daily has helped me a lot. Best wishes for a beautiful, long life, and an abundant future. YOU CAN DO THIS. This is a bump in the road and YOU WILL OVERCOME AND SUCCEED.

  31. A! says:

    This is for everyone, although some will be so overwhelmed and others maybe ate already trying and just get impatient for a change of outlook and feelings:
    You are depressed, lonely, rejected and treated poorly or ignored by your family and supposed loved ones, you are shy, unmotivated, fearful, bitter, sad, lost and can’t understand why you are in your state or you know why but can’t figure out how to change and you just wallow or spiral or yo-yo in emotional self talk and reactions that aren’t serving you well, maybe even feels like you could go suicidal but that’s not really what you want to do, you just need to be spoon fed some answers and have things work out even a little better than they seem now.
    Be proactive:
    Keep searching online (once you subscribe to some common themes of making friends, loneliness, depression, shyness, empty nester, my adult kids hate me, suicide, dating apps, making friends apps, etc you will just keep finding more and more, and you will get advertisements as well for counselors, coaches, life hacks and maybe something will be beneficial, maybe some play on your insecurities and needs, so be aware, but keep looking .
    Go volunteer and get out of your own head, and divert from your wallowing in your needs and wants and start looking to serve, teach, provide, offer, give to others whose needs are an ongoing battle and their needs wear people and social programs out so they can always use someone rotating in for however long to help. Kids, orphans, abused, homeless, elderly, handicapped /special needs respite, hungry, young parents, covid isolated, addicts, neighbors, your relatives you haven’t invited over for tea or to see a movie because you feel weird and awkward to start something or fear rejection, and many other categories of people who need and will accept help from anyone willing. Sure, sometimes you have to have certain skills, or your desire to help isnt that strong…well, you can either spiral further or suffer in a more positive direction to commit yourself to being somewhere for someone else in whatever capacity you can muster.
    Apps…I haven’t tried, but there are finding friends apps just like dating apps. Some are for moms, for meet ups, for commonly enjoyed activities, for new in towners to find someone who will introduce them about town, and there are lots of meet up type sites…it’s scary if you haven’t done them, but you’re reading this, so you are doing a great step in searching for ideas online…that’s one of them…take the plunge! Search for advice on using them, too.
    I have subscribed to a lot of comedy and podcasts and news things that I find uplifting or interesting or stretching my thoughts to get me beyond my self talk of loneliness and depression. It also feels like I am practicing skills of becoming friends by being a good listener and discovering how popular hosts talk and what I find interesting vs boring or too heady. I love the joe Rogan experiences and you can eat dinner with the comedian Jim gaffigan or do something virtual like tour Egypt or stargaze or listen to a concert or start following people on Twitter and find people who think like you do.
    These are not substitutes for real life relationships, but they give you practice and can be a diversionary lifeboat when you start sinking into thoughts and feelings that you can’t shake when you need to just lie around glued to the couch or bed. Eventually, however, you have to face your reality…but these connections are with real people, as opposed to watching tv programs that might be funny and entertaining and distracting, but they are fictional.
    Pick something to learn. Stagnating will make you worse. With covid, it’s harder to find hobbies and classes and clubs and activities, which will be your first choice so you get out and meet people, but there are apps and books and online learning opportunities galore especially with covid conditions driving everyone to plying their trade virtually and online from home.
    Social media has always been stressful for me, but I’m using it more now and I just take breaks from it…in fact, once covid isn’t such an isolating, annoying, fear m, anger and anxiety provoking issue, you may find overexposure to social media and online interaction to make you spring out of your slump and join a whole new world of people desperate for connection, contact, conversation, touch, to engage socially and interact on every personal level. Zoom has connected many people who were not connected before and maybe some of those connections can continue…either still by zoom or perhaps in person. I had a call with people from high school because someone posted they were going to host a call. If you can’t drum up courage to do the hosting, look for Facebook groups or check with your family who you never see or call and see if anyone else might be interested in hosting a call.
    I’m going to stop now, but I am teaching to myself, I might add…I’m not brave, I feel insecure, I can get caught in wallowing depression and lose all ability to think of the most obvious, simplest ways to alleviate my situation. So my last offering is to look into a psychological counseling concept called dialectical behavior therapy. It was developed from cognitive behavior therapy to expand to the specific needs of suicidal and borderline personality disordered individuals. But you know what? EVERYONE could use the knowledge of the methods outlined in DBT…because all it really is about is how to balance your feelings and emotional reactions and behavior when you are teetering between negative, destructive, counterproductive thinking and behavior and the reality that you have to regulate and take control of your thinking and behavior or you will lose relationships, jobs, self esteem, health and more, maybe your life if you don’t. Look up dialectical behavior therapy and explore if that seems like something you could use to help balance yourself while you seek to improve your situation of depression and loneliness when you are living with depression and loneliness debilitating your desires and ability to make your reality what you seek.

  32. Wayne says:

    Iv got some issues and one of them happen to be sever depression I’ve had it most of my life since I was around 12….and at the moment its hitting me hard as I write this…the funny thing is I literally don’t have family nor do i have any friends because like the author of this article all the friends I did have I tried opening up asking for them to sit with me and have a coffee….the sad part was nobody showed up but I can’t blame them I mean I’ve got some wicked disorders that I’m just starting to try to learn about its been difficult but this article help so thank you to whom ever wrote this

  33. P. Heartbroken says:

    Reply to Tommy i am 47, and have been through something similuar the past few years from a boyfriend, family, past……friends from highschool…..i couldn’t imagine that at an age that young, i hear you with no thanks on?friendship, or help. I’d be here all day explaining , so much cruelness that happened the past few yrs. Thats shocked me, and put me in a much darker place of trustung again, i know deep down God doesnt want that, for anyone. I have a hard time with how mean people can be hateful, nasty, and even at an age like thus. Thank you, so much, for courage in sharing that, my prom in past yrs. Later, many tormented me, later in unsure today why, and don’t Care, i figured maybe it had been i shared my beliefs in Jesus yrs. Later..people change some hated it or somthing, again thankyou for that. There will alwats be hateful mean people, but the world needs the rare like you, me, others here, to be hete. Those that make it difficult, just to be cruel, there choice to be rotten, and sad..thanks your a blessing, encouragement, for me

  34. P. Heartbroken says:

    I wrote response, and I got carried away, which is what i end up doing, then give up reachi g out. I hope I was able to stop it, from being posted. I think it did. So thank you , for sharing i am not alone, and wished somehow we would all be able to get together.To those that are simply being cruel to me, and others who struggle through depression. No reason to be hateful, the person who started this in sincerity thank you, for encouragement.

  35. junio says:

    It’s been two years since I have moved to New York at 19 years old , all alone in the concrete jungle.My friends back home moved on with their college lives and the fomo of not being there cuts deep. I’ve become distant with them though I long to reconnect I cant seem to muster the confidence to initiate contact. I havent made any real friends since I moved to New York, my girlfriend left me couple months after I moved and I lost my job then savings in a streak of bad luck. I became depressed and isolated myself for months longing for someone to pull me back from the abyss.One year later I’ll probably just jump in

    • Rochelle says:

      Don’t be afraid to reach out to your family at least.,talk to them or a helpline for someone to talk and listen to you.holding it all In does no good and the dark place will get darker, iv been there and it’s not good.go back home 💞

    • Rose Star says:

      Move to Texas. You can more easily find work and it’s cheaper to live here and you are so young. You can start over. If you can get work then you can take one class per semester and over time you will get your degree. You CAN DO IT. Just take the next step. One step at a time.

  36. Carol says:

    I came here through a Google search, in last ditch desperation, because I suddenly find myself old, retired, with grown children who live far away, with no friends, and I have no idea how this happened. I have been there for everyone else all my life, but nothing has turned out the way I thought it would. How did I end up this alone, this friendless, this invisible, this unloved and apparently unlovable? Even my faith has failed, and yet I can’t seem to disobey God and just end it all, although I desperately need it to just be over. I am so deeply saddened that others here express so many of the same feelings and situations, but it is strangely comforting to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for listening. If anyone reading this prays, I would be deeply grateful for any prayers you could spare for me.

    • Vin says:

      I will pray for you, I liken my life to your story. I struggle daily. Prayer is so important. God hears us. He is always with us. He will save you. Don’t rush life. Be open and forward and kind and you will meet and make friends. Much love

    • P.soper says:

      Yes, i understand this is strangly comfortable, and grateful there’s others like me feel this way, but why can’t we get together? I understand not wanting to end it, and disobey God. I had a few in my life that found this funny, and were just hateful, even a church that claim were here? To had been making jokes of this, ( just gossip) a man who treated me a joke, abusive, family as well. I still love Jesus, and it can’t ne taken away. I’d get accused the way id talk, too much im selfish, as the man that wrote this put it. He said it all. It’d be great if all of us could get together. Massachusetts

    • Lilla says:

      I am praying for you by name carol. Right now. I see the same things happening to me right jow.

    • Julie says:

      Hi Carol hope you still check in here. I read your post and it is exactly my life too. Sons grown up and moved away and I live alone. Never ever thought I could end up so alone. All my friends have partners husbands and their grown up family on the doorstep. I have tried so hard to build a life for me but I guess I was banking on my kids being closer and calling in with their kids. I have very dark thoughts and don’t want to be here as it’s too lonely and the future like this is too much to endure. I’m in my 50’s and can’t face another day of this isolation.

  37. Olga says:

    So, we are not completely unique in feeling isolated with no bridge to people. It is a cruel world out there, made either for cruel or very lucky people. Do not blame yourself, do not believe it is all your fault. Being nice, decent and kind has no value in this society. Adult kids feel free to dump their parents, no public outrage here. Point is to make it, climbing over dead bodies is admirable. I too have adult kids, out of 4 only cares, and she is not here. I feel like Frankenstein looking through the cottage window watching that nice family inside. I would try to kill myself, my life was a chain of hells, but I have 3 parrots, so I have to live it out.

  38. Lisa says:

    i so relate, with a lot of comments on here, ive always been the odd one out, the loner who nobody wanted as a friend, never picked for team sports at school…WHY…i dont know
    i asked someone once and they said i was “weird” …but i look and act the same as you !!!
    i started thinking that if i was slimmer people would like me….yeah i know stupid but i was a kid
    i would restict my food, exercise for hours on end….but still people disliked me
    and now 40 years on ive still friendless and messed up !!!
    i did meet someone whos like me , a loner ..but his is by choice
    i have 2 kids but their lives are the same as mine 🙁

  39. A Scary Ghost says:

    Hi there, I’m not really sure how to start this comment, but umm, I’ve been depressed for the past 3 years now. Well, I have bipolar depression, so my mood just continuously sings back and forth. I had one real this year. He was great and always listened. And when he had problems, I listened to him too. But a couple months ago, he got mad at me for something small, but turned it into a large fiasco. Afterwards, I was really sad. He wouldn’t talk to me, no matter how much I apologized. I felt horrible. I wanted to try and kill myself again. And then I realized that in reality he was toxic. I won’t go into too much detail but I realized that every time I talked to him, I felt drained. My energy had been wiped out. He made me feel almost worthless, and like I depended on him. So I blocked him everywhere. Except for Roblox. Because I forgot. After a month, he contacted me there. And told me that I used him like a trash can and now that I felt better, I threw him away. When I read the message, I broke down again. My life felt like it wasn’t meaningful again. So afterwards, I tried to attempt suicide. But this time I was too scared to. So I put the belt aside and sat down reflecting on my actions. I decided to distance myself from everyone. All my “friends” were set aside so I could focus on enjoying myself instead. I wanted to be happy. And I was for a while. But that same boy gave me gifts that I would see all around me. So I threw them all in the trash. As soon as I did that, I felt like I threw away our entire relationship into the trash like he said. I felt like I just did what he said. I felt like I was manipulated. And to no surprise, I was sad once more. The things that made me happy, were doing it for me. I wanted to scream out my emotions, but I know my family would never understand. I turned to all these depression forums and areas where I could talk about this. I feel really bad. And now, because I distanced myself, I’m lonely. Everyone misses their friends, but I don’t. I wish I could start life over, but I can’t. I want to change!! BUT I CAN’T!!! Every single day I cry myself to sleep thinking that I’ll become better person or thinking that the people I have hurt in the past will forget and that the people whom I have leaned on will remember how much I cherished them!! I WISH FOR NEW FRIENDS AND A NEW LIFE SO MUCH!! I just want to be happy…That’s all I want. But no matter what I do, I can’t find this happiness everyone else has. I can’t find love. For anyone or for myself.

    • A! says:

      How are you today? I’m going to make a suggestion that I hope will help you. Find somewhere to volunteer. Take a dialectical approach to living the life you have while aspiring to make changes and find a new life with new friends. Church is often a great place to start looking, but if that’s not your bag (although I highly recommend you explore Jesus, God, Love as a truth that might give meaning to life if you find your faith), you can also find plenty of resources to place your services by contacting any organization that serves whatever community of people you think you might be willing to help: kids, homeless, addicted, elderly, parents of special needs who need respite, all kinds of respite care, bringing food or other needed essentials or services to anyone due to covid issues (contact your local health or govt services), teach something: adults to read, any skill or hobby you have to kids, handicapped, club members…another good place is find a club. I have not tried the apps for finding friends, but there are several. One is geared more toward moms, one is for finding people to do similar interests and activities, one is for people who just moved to a new place to find friends. If dating apps work, I don’t see why these apps wouldn’t be similarly successful, but also have limitations or cautions for expectations. My main message to you is to find love and purpose by finding others who always have high needs and not enough people to meet them…so you can do as little or as much as you can stand, but if you don’t put yourself out there and BE a good friend, it will be hard for you to be found by anyone who needs someone to love and be loved by. You can be happy when you focus on others with needs that you can help with, not hyper focused on your need for someone or something to be that you can’t impose on yourself or others. You CAN find love, because love is not just a feeling…it’s life itself, it’s selfless action, it’s participation and cooperation and sacrifice and generosity and kindness and patience and not holding grudges and it’s golden: do unto others as you would like others to do for you. I love you. I hope you believe that my words here are my effort to resist the sad and lonely pull into depressive funks and completely useless days of sluggish wallowing and sleeping and crying that I could easily slip into if I didn’t have the faith, hope and love that remains forever when all else fades away and ends (I believe in because I am a Christ follower, but whether you believe in God or Jesus doesn’t matter, the truth is the truth whether you buy into it or not, and the truth is that love never fails, love is always the answer, and since Jesus is love, you have god, peace, joy, meaning and fulfillment and a contented spirit and mind if you have love).

  40. James says:

    Having grown up in a trailer with my violent alcoholic father, I was always alone. Not bullied much, but there was this barrier caused by the constant pain, without people close to me I couldn’t process it, without processing it nobody would want to get close.

    When my older sister started college she took me to some parties, but I could never connect with the larger group. I made two friends, they were like my brothers.

    When I finally started college, I met the love of my life, the only person I’ve ever known that endured more than me without a doubt, the only person that ever really knew me.

    She died last year a week before my birthday. One of my brothers was only kind to me to get closer to my sister, the other reacted to an engagement being broken off by diddling middle school boys, I’ll never speak to either again.

    My home is a giant grave shrine, I have nobody in my life, and now I’m back to square one with a mountain of pain and not a soul to comfort me, and the barrier it creates.

    The only reason I haven’t killed myself already is I know god is going to do it soon anyway due to my record breaking powerful thyroid. I will have a stroke or heart attack someday soon and no one will be here to call 911. Also I promised her I wouldn’t, and I must keep my promises to her.

    I’ve tried to form new bonds, joined a DnD group and S&M club, I even tried LSD in the hope that I might be able to process the pain and have an easier time socializing again. Trying my best, but it isn’t working this time, the pain is so much greater, the barrier is that much bigger, and I was never good at these things in the first place.

    I thought for a moment I had another true friend, the only person that spent any time with me for a bit of the last year, but his friends could all tell I was a bit off kilter, so now I never see or hear from him anymore either.

    I am 25, I have nothing good in my life, no one has so much as given me a hug since she passed, my family was glad that she died. I have nothing left to give, nothing left to try, no fight left in me, waiting to die.

    • Dorean says:

      Your pain is very raw, I know how you feel as I am basically experiencing these same thoughts. I lost my husband to illness in November and in that same week my ex husband ended his life. Your my sons age I could be your mother yet the pain of loss is not measured with age. I pushed away any people that came to comfort me as it felt fake, I just wanted to be left alone.

      Then the pandemic hit, with the world of unknowns as a mainstay, uncertainty is the norm. Which way to go, who to trust, how will we survive, it’s a mans world where I live so my options are null and void. I am grateful to have our home as it’s my safe haven but don’t know how I will make simple upkeep. Everything changed, our significant others are at peace but what solace does this give us the ones who must push forward. I know I am depressed, living in paradise doesn’t allow me to see the beauty of the blue sky. I wish I could be with him yet I could never harm myself being a mother. Your so young but seem to be an old soul, please try to hold on, know that becoming close with your spirituality can help, many evenings it’s calmed my head. Be well

    • hr says:

      I’m so sorry for your loss… I bet your lady would not agree with you about wanting your life to end….You have a life and over came so much..So did she.. The last thing she would want is for you to follow her right now.. Honor her by gaining strength from the struggles you both over came.

      I understand the pain friend. I’ve had so many moments where as I was a black and white figure in a world full of bright color.. I have felt as alone as one could be…like being broken off piece of pack ice drifting away.. I was not letting the world I knew bring me down. My life is far from perfect and a genuine hug from a nice girl would be nice. I live alone..I have no family at all..

      I hold onto hope. Waking up and seeing the beautiful coastal waters in the morning sun is worth living.. Please value yourself.. I wish I could be your friend. Purple, green black or white..In this screwed up day and age people of walks of life need to stick together…Hang in there bro..

      • MeRobin says:

        I feel the same as you do. I’m alone and have almost no family. I’ve isolated myself because I am afraid that I am so horrible and no one really wants to spend time with me. I stay home because I think I am so pathetic that no one wants to be around me. I’m also very ill with a chronic disease and had to retire from a job I loved and go to disability retirement and do not interact with others at work anymore. I feel like I could live in a beautiful place, but I cannot enjoy it because my mind and spirit are so broken. I’ve considered leaving this Earth many times, but I cannot get the courage or self-confidence to end this pain. I hate everything about myself and wish I could change or start over, like others have commented. I want to communicate directly with others who are lost and sad in this world. I wish there was a site where I could DM others who suffer like I do. It is impossible to connect and to support others in pain via a blog or post. Does anyone know of a site to DM people who need help and can support me and others?

  41. Tommy says:

    My life has not ben very fun… Everything that could go wrong to this boy has. I cram for a test and fail it. I tried out for the basketball team and was lol off the court. My story is similar to many I’ve read in here. I never thought I’d ever write one but at 22 my time is running out. I was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and treatment was never an option.. My dad died when I was young and my mom two years ago from Ulcerated Colitis..

    I’m a young adult orphan. I recently had a visitor.. A girl I went to school with for several years. She was one of the cruelest people I’d ever known and I’ve known some terrible ones. Her claim to fame was helping plan and carry out the most humiliating event in my life and I’ve known many.

    In the rest of the nation jr/sr proms see kids showing up without a date but in our town it’s still traditional. This girl so punked me. She said her friend really liked me and the prom came up. It was just a big joke on me. I went through the motions after she said she’d love to go.. Put yourself in my place.. I arrived to pick her up. Planning on going by my house so my mom and aunt could take pictures..

    I knocked on the door only to be greeted by her parents who were utterly confused. Their daughter had already left with her date. I was punked..goofed..made to look like a huge moron. Before I could drive away they rode by flipping me off lol at me. The rest of the school year was people always saying how was the prom or how was your date. The girl that contacted me smirk and laughter is so burned into my mind.

    When she called I thought I was dreaming. I’m not a mean person as arguing with people or holding grudges seems like a waste of time but it was hard to not unload on her as she helped make my last few months of my school awful. Somehow she heard about my impending demise. I joked that I’d sue her over Hippa laws..

    She talked softly and asked if she could see me. A form of desperation in her voice. She acknowledged she was an RN at the oncologist office I had gone to.. I reluctantly said yes as she said she understood if I said no. She came over that day at noon. I opened the door and needless to say she knew my time was running out.

    My energy level is gone. I’ve lost a lot of weight.. She came in as I sat back down in my chair… So whats up I said..She looked very pretty..healthy but sad. She said her biggest mistake in life that can’t be undone is what she did to me. Tears flowed down her face. She didn’t expect me to forgive her but after many minutes of apologizing I realized people can change and she had..

    Most people would have piled on but again that’s not my nature. She would say her parents to this day are still disgusted with her since that evening. My mind ran wild as she said please tell me what your thinking… I’m way passed being upset as I’ll be gone soon enough but I said I wish everyone had given me a chance.. I’m a nice person..What should have been a happy few years was turned into a nightmare.. This was not verbatim.. I just kind of touched on it..

    I leaned forward and hugged her..I hate words like closure but we gave that to each other..I told her to move forward Find a nice guy and make beautiful babies.. I wanted to say I will never experience anything like that so make it count… She asked if I needed her to help me with anything..again I could have told her that I’ve already made arrangements with a funeral home but I didn’t..

    I thanked her for coming by.. In another world she may have called me a life long friend but long has no bearing on my world anymore… I have to say her visit was very pleasant. It made me feel good that people can see the error of their ways.. I can leave knowing her life can be an example of bad to good… No grudges in my heart.. I hope she as a beautiful long happy life!

    • Eoin says:

      i don’t know what to say, but i want to say something. i’m utterly moved. i’m so sorry that life failed you, you deserve better. please appreciate what you still have and know anyone who knew your story would feel the same. people suck, especially teenagers, it’s a shame it takes years of growth or a tragic event in someone’s own life to realise the effect they may have had on others. i’m constantly in worry of how i’m actively destroying my life at only 18 but you give me the motivation to do something, anything. life is supposed to be what you make it, but sometimes it feels like it has it out for you. life can be cruel but as long as you don’t succumb to the negativity of others and live up to your own standards, you can say it was worth something, right?

    • Melu says:

      I’m sorry what you’re going through . Just know that what you just wrote made a difference in how someone felt today . I’m depressed and randomly found this page on google . Sitting in my room crying and don’t know who to talk to meanwhile I have my husband and family next door . How can someone be surrounded with people and still be really lonely ? Anyway , I just want to thank you for making me feel better and knowing that my problems are small compared to what you’re going through . Thank you for making me appreciate life and be grateful .

      • MeRobin says:

        I feel like you do. I have 3 children who have their lives and do not have time or most likely want to spend time with me. My life is over. I’m on retirement disability and do not feel well many days. I hate the shell of a person that I have become. I have lost hope in my ability to be with or around others and stay home by myself. I don’t want to get out of bed, but I force myself because I don’t want to be a physical burden on my children. I long for someone to talk to or communicate with. I never really had parents or family and have been on my own for so long. I think that this world is not meant for some of us and that I don’t physically or mentally fit anywhere. I want yo leave, so I am not a burden to my family. But I have nowhere to go and no one to talk to. I would welcome direct messaging so I can support others in similar circumstances. Please please reply to me. No one has talked to me in many days and I long for any contact with another human.

        • Melu says:

          Hi Robin ,

          I’m feeling better . What helped is to just get up and get out of the house . Doesn’t matter where you go . Or Just walk while ListenIng to your your favorite music . What I have also done in the last few weeks is changed my diet and added exercise . Just two weeks ago I witness a horrific accident. Two pedestrians were ran over by a drunk driver and instantly killed . That really changed my perspective in life . Life is short . Let’s not waste our short time on earth hiding , feeling horrible ourselves . They are support groups out there you can find . You can also reach me . Jenatea(@) . Please don’t give up !

    • Tracey says:

      You are a beautiful person and anyone would be lucky to call you a friend.

    • Sherry says:

      My heart tells me to tell you ” I love you for the beautiful and pure soul that you are”. You have displayed love and forgiveness in a way that we all should. I would give my life so yours’ could continue.

    • Rose Star says:

      OH my gosh. You write so beautifully. Amazing and articulate. YOU ARE A WRITER. Write a book about your life and then turn your life around and show in the book how people can overcome depression and anxiety. YOU CAN DO IT. I KNOW THAT. I love Dennis Semsik. I listen to him online every day. The Anxiety Guy.

      I know how it feels to be totally alone and no family and no friends. Only I am 67. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let a bump in the road take away your future. You have so much to look forward to. You can do it. You can be happy. Look for ways to HELP other people and that will give you purpose and WRITE THAT BOOK. You are gifted.

  42. Gaynor says:

    I had no love or support from my own parents and so gave everything I never had to my three children, who turned out to be selfish, disrespectful and ungrateful. I went without and I’ve spent 22 yrs with a man who never cared whether I stayed or left.
    J have no friends, not one. My sisters and parents are only interested in themselves.
    Anti depressants keep me going, some shape. Life isn’t worth living.

    • Jo says:

      Gaynor, I sympathise with you and totally feel your pain. I too have 3 children I gave my everything too . After leaving an unhappy marriage 13 years ago and raising them unsupported I am proud of the job I did. I am however feeling completely unappreciated, severely depressed and lonely. My eldest daughter stopped speaking to me almost 2 years ago and refuses to say why. I have missed out on seeing my infant grandson and I feel like apart of me has died inside mourning the pain and grief. I have been through an abusive relationship since my divorce with a man I trusted that has messed me up in every way. I have a criminal record as a result for being framed for something I didn’t do and now can’t obtain any employment. I have no friends and feel suicidal. You are not alone in the way you feel. It’s scary and dark. My future feels bleak and uncertain. I feel betrayed by everyone and feel life has no purpose anymore. Jo

      • Anonymous says:

        i can relate but i wont…same story just a little diff….i came here looking for support and answers and have been looking for hours about the same questions….no one has any…seen some profesional pages and all they said was how to diagnose but even they had no answers…seems like were in the same place looking for answers… head is exploding now and an i wish i had some good advice but i cant find any….good luck in your search…holler if you find any answers

      • CB says:

        Your story sounds identical to mine my heart goes out to anyone going through this! I empathize with you it’s hard for ppl who haven’t gone through it understand.

    • MeRobin says:

      I also had 3 children whom I gave 95% of my time and money and energy to and am now alone because they have moved on in life and I have a chronic disease and am a burden to them. I’m very alone and it’s probably best because no one should have to be with me.

      • Anonymous says:

        You are not a burden to anyone!!remember that brought life into this world, you watched your children grow and looked after them when they needed you, it’s the way of life as you get older the children look after the parents.thats the way I’ve been brought up and respected.i ashure you that if you weren’t there they would miss you terribly and I know they love you.tell them how you feel and what you went mother should be left alone as a good portion of our lives are with our children.its hard to adjust to being your own person some books..I promise you, it will take a lot of the loneliness away xx

        • Anonymous says:

          I too brought up 3 children alone and gave them my all. Now they are all grown and have busy lives, I rarely see them. Sometimes a year can go by..I know they love me, but I have realised you can be the best parent and have children who dont really care much, or the worst parent with ones that adore you. I’ve seen it many times over. I’ve stopped trying to figure out why this is. I think overall everyone here has much in common, we care too much, are deeply sensitive and are taken advantage of because of it.

  43. Nancy says:

    Its a cold and wet rainy day in January 2020. I wish I was not in despair and feeling hopeless because I have so much to be thankful for….except……..people in my life. I love socializing and the most oddest thing is I am now 62y and have no social life to speak of. I live away from my husband as we have for the past 12 years, we are friends but incompatible to live in the same home. I chose to live alone and it has been more difficult than having babies, I have two. To which each have their own lives and rightfully so just as I did. My mother passed away in June 2019 so I contribute some of my sadness to maybe depression, some to the weather, and some to the scary part of none of us are getting out of this world alive…I work from home 90% of the time, so that is another disadvantage. I have anxiety along with this and cannot for the life of me go out and meet other people. I find it terribly painful actually. I have four wonderful grand girls, I used to have them near me, but it was also painful due to my depression and anxiety so now they hang out with my daughter-in-law’s mom, a lot! My son barely calls me, he says he is doing life. My daughter texts me a lot, but doesn’t call often. The real fulfilling part of my life is my job, I love what I do. I have experienced loneliness a lot over the past 15 years but not coupled with depression which throws an entire new light on the issue of pain, not physical pain, but mentally. I hope to change the social part of my life soon…….and I wish each of you that also suffers these two things together find some light, hope, desires, and push through….

    • Anonymous says:

      Hey. Join a meetup group. There are a million of them. I joined one with people my age who go out to eat and then to a movie, club, or event afterward. I have a half-assed boyfriend with whom I have chemistry but a non-fulfilling relationship. He’s appealing to me but not emotionally available enough and not generous. I enrolled in graduate school to keep busy. I’m planning to buy a house with a yard and I’m going to adopt some cats and dogs. I’m Catholic. I pray a lot. I love my apartment and my solitude and when it gets boring, I go out into the city. NYC has so much to do for singletons. A lot of singles go to movies, libraries, restaurants and theaters alone. Oh, yeah there’s also travel tours for singles too. Get out there!!! I’m praying for you too!!!

      • jon says:

        i dont live in us how do you join a meetup group i feel like a an idiot asking about it ?

        • Anonymous says:

          Just google (meetup) groups in your area, a lot of groups with varying interest and times they meet will show up…age groups to your specific age.
          For instance, hiking groups, happy hour groups, dining out, a lot of choices.

        • Rafa says:

          It’s an actual website, go to

  44. F says:

    How can this be called ‘no friends no life’ when the OP clearly has friends??
    So many of these articles I’m reading online by people who have friends and just distance themselves or neglect the friendship for whatever reason.
    Some of us simply don’t have ANY despite trying damned hard to connect to people.. It’s very frustrating

    • Nancy says:

      Well, maybe it was meant to say “acquaintances” Any who, I totally am on board with this comment. I am without friends that have time for me or live a distance away or are intangled in their own lives and relationships to give a rats butt about me. I have very little family because I think they are all crazy in which they probably think I am crazy as well. I might have a visitor in my home once a month, maybe! More like, once every three months. I am 62y. I lost my mom and best friend 7 months ago. I am so lonely and now depressed.

      • Irene says:

        Hi. I feel the same. I have a family thankfully but I still feel lonely and depressed. I do try to connect but find most people wrapped up in themselves. I’m 63 I try to stay active but it’s a struggle When I feel so empty. I never bother my adult children I feel it’s not fair.
        You’re not alone so many of us feel the same way I hope you find a little something to feel better about.

        • A! says:

          You don’t bother your adult children, it’s not fair? Could you maybe invite them to join you for something and give them a chance to tell you that it’s too much of an unfair bother to accept any chance to spend tome with you? My mother used to worry about being a burden to the extent that ultimately she warped her thinking and behavior to where I became hurt and upset because she wouldn’t ever invite me to come visit her or take her anywhere, even though I told her over and over that I needed to know when a good time was (she always said I was always welcome and I should just call first but I could come anytime), and not feel like I was interrupting her when she might be ready for a nap or watching a tv show or ….and this is where I got my heart crushed except that I think she was also just getting old and tired and forgetfully unaware of her promises to call me and invite me over when it was convenient for her, but she never did call, and I began to feel and wonder if she just couldn’t bring herself to tell me she didn’t enjoy my company and didn’t want to see me. I think that actually became the case in her last years of life, because she lived with my single sister who my mom allowed to take care of her because my mom didn’t think her friend kids who were married without children should be burdened by her needs, which you might think a relief and that I’d be grateful to my sister…but my mom and sister became co dependent in an ultimately hurtful way to the rest of my siblings. My mom stopped reaching out to invite us to visit her because it was a burden for my sister since my mom was handicapped and my sister was a self made martyr. Anyway…yada yada…my point is…you aren’t doing your adult kids any favors making them think you don’t care to be in their lives and you certainly aren’t doing yourself any good with the thought that interacting with your kids is unfair and a bother. If you are so lonely and depressed that you can’t even go to lunch or have them over for half an hour for tea and a brief visit without somehow being unfairly bothersome, you need to get a counselor or pastor or life coach or someone right away who will help train you to do this very fundamental step in maintaining your relationship. I wonder if I’m off base here since you said you fortunately have family, but then you say you don’t want to bother them. You don’t need to unload all your depression on them, they migrate be like many friends and family are and have no clue how to help and then you just feel rejected. But you can be proactive to do normal things that aren’t too heavy for either of you and just keep something going. If seeing them regularly is already happening, then I guess this isn’t advice you need and I apologize. But if you are not finding uplifting moments from getting together with them, and they are willing…please don’t deny them and yourself because you think you’re a burden because you need to sometimes reveal your feelings. Keep it in smaller doses, but give them a chance at least, to show you how they react rather than assuming they will be put out by having to show you they care.

          • Anonymous says:

            Maybe like me, she did tell them how she felt, but then got accused of making them feel guilty.. when I get a call now, they only want to hear upbeat good news, they are not interested in my lonliness. I brought them up to be loving, caring, considerate and kind, and they are all these things, but just too busy for me. I will never understand it, but I have learnt not to express how much I want to see them. I have to wait till they decide. I would never have believed this could happen to me.

  45. JT says:

    Its been a few months since I was in here but I hope everyone reading this finds some JOY and HAPPINESS during this Christmas Season! I don’t have any family and if anyone has read my one or two comments..Like many of you I was bullied and as much as I hate to even admit even in this anonymous world.. I don’t have anybody.

    I’m 18 and someone how making enough money to pay rent on an apartment. This time of year is lonely. I just got home from my shift..I’ll sleep a few hours and then go to my second job. I do everything I can NOT to go home on this night. I’ll be pretty much exhausted when I get home tomorrow morning so I pass out fast and not have to think about all this.

    I’m not bitter at anyone or my situation.As I’ve written before ..I know I’m a good person…. The stigma of being the kid from the poor side of town remains. I have been having good dreams lately.

    If could have anything it would be someone to just talk to.A real friend would be nice..

    • Donna Marie says:

      Dear JT,

      I just came across your post. I felt the need to reach out to you just to say hello and and as a mother of three I want to send you a really big hug! I am so sorry to hear that you do not have any family and feel you do not have “anyone.” Especially as an 18 year old. I am very proud of you for working so hard to pay for an apartment, etc. You sound more responsible than most 18 year olds today. You should feel very proud of yourself. I wonder if you might be able to have some kind of employee assistance program whereby you could access counseling that could be paid for. I think you need and deserve to have a professional to talk to regarding your bullying issues and your life. It could give you an opportunity to have someone to make plans step by step on how to connect with others and begin to build a life for yourself, creating your own family and friends. I pray that you can pursue this in the new year and look forward to a more supported, happier time. I wish the very best for you. Please know that God loves you and I love you and I am sure that many other people are just waiting to get to know you. God Bless!

    • David R says:

      Hey JT.
      I just came across your post just now. For an 18 year old you sound incredible, out there in the real world taking ownership and responsibility, thats something that not many 18 year olds can do. I am just curious as to the nature of how you came about in transitioning to this way if life. As stated in your post, you came from the “poor side of town” which delineates a narrow passageway to success but somehow you are attaining, as small as you might think it is but you are doing it, making it happen and slowly but surely paving the way for your future success in life. What troubles me is how this all happened. Now you dont know me and i dont know you, personal information can always remain anonynous but curiosity in us humans, the ability to think logically in a sophisticated manner, has got the best of me. I just want to know, how did this all happen? Did you take the decision to move out on your own? Was it mental or physical abuse from family members that rendered you to seeking alternatives in your life? What kind of work do you do for a living? What are your shifts like? What was the environment that you was raised in?

      Mind you, you dont have to answer but just know that it seeks like you feel as though you are stuck in a rut, going through a dismal part of your life right now, feeling maybe hopeless that day in and day out you have nothing to look forward to or that you are going through the same cycle of monotony. Life is not easy but you make the best of it and right now you are doing your best to make the best of it.

      Thanks for taking the time to read this

      David R

  46. Hans says:

    Recently, I’ve come to understand how strongly my past has effected my character that I now. Sometimes denying my own happenings. I was raised in under a church, in a suburban life. I had family, friends and a community. I took them for granted, because I was born into it and life seemed… content. However when I was 16 I began to learn a great deal about life and its complexities. With new perspectives, doubts began to grow and with it, distance from those I cherished from the church and whom I thought at the time cherished me.
    When I was 18 my father past unexpectedly, in an instant my life turned upside down and everything afterward seemed fractured beyond repair. I lost confidence in my church and became an Atheist. Not out of spite but because those doubts I had revealed to me my truth. That there is no control, that we can, at any moment leave this Earth and leave those we are connected to behind. Separating myself from that belief in turned separated me from those who still believed. Gradually, those relationships faded. People I would call brother and sister day after day, month after month, year after year; they were gone. Never to be heard from again. I feel into a hole, I felt, hollow. Yet, I made my choice. My family was of course resistant but soon I was learning at the university, allowed to speak my piece and my story without recourse. There I found a new community, rooted in learning, friendship, sex and vices. Opportunity seemed boundless and people were a plenty. To know other’s stories, learn from and understand their truth. That hollow feeling passed for a time. But I came in a transfer student and soon the community I was embraced in began to dwindle. My friends were moving on with their lives, new opportunities. That hollow feel began to creep back in and my confidence. I began to lie, creating ambitions that I would never fulfill, simply to incite interest and composure. Internally I was shaken to my core with self loathing and disappointed with myself from wasting my potential with the opportunities I had been given. I took up a job that was given, because it was easy. I kept that job because it was either move to the big city or give up and move with my family West where the church was inescapable. I wanted so many things then, but was torn by the depression I felt for all the time wasted not working towards anything I turned wanted. Hollow once more I find myself in a small room, 11 years after my fathers death still mourning his ghost looking upon me with shame for what I have become. I was given life without choice and chose nothing but to ride the wave of convenience with it. I attached myself to my vices and entertainment to distract me, all the while no longer learning or evolving. The past 11 years I have grown slowly without true experiences of Love or growth, any moment of uncomfortableness would lead me retreat. I question everything I do and say and regret it once it is out in the world. To say this relevant to anyone in my life right now would induce me to shame myself internally for being vulnerable or opening up. Now I find myself in debt to schools and credits, a slave to work until my debt it paid because of my actions. My attitude leads no one to confide with me any longer, my time is good to no one and I am contemplate my own goodness. I forgot I was suppose to meet my grandmother today, I drunkenly told a husband I would sleep with his wife, I buy compulsively and have shelves of brand new books I’ve never read. I feel like this person who I thought I was is unraveling and what lies underneath is a poor excuse for a person in a world so desperate for good. I’m not sure where my point is going with any of this but I don’t feel so hollow anymore. Merely lost in a city of millions, with no one to confide in but my thoughts and I never like what they have to say. Sometimes I feel mad or foolish for believing I was ever capable of anything, weak of will and body. Putting on a facade to survive, not to thrive. From all I’ve learned in the past and all my experiences I still do no learn.

    • Dennis says:

      I understand a lot of what you’re going through. I hope that things get better, I really do. I also left a comment here, describing what I’m going through. There are so many lonely people in the world, that it’s amazingly surprising. People don’t socialize anymore. I learned pretty quickly, the hard way that people have their own friends and family, and very rarely step out of that Circle of friends and family that they have. If they meet anybody new, it’s always somebody that they were introduced to by one of those friends or family members that’s already in their lives. People don’t seem to step out, they don’t seem to want to hang out, make friends with people that they actually don’t know. It’s a shame. Also, a person that doesn’t have money, or transportation, is totally ignored, and just the lack of those two things, can assure somebody that they’re going to be lonely and by by themself. It’s a dirty rotten shame!

    • nikolai says:

      I’m sorry for what is happing. I see a lot of myself in what you describe. Hollow and shallow by lofty goals. no real achievements. Yet it’s quite good actually. Most don’t have goals or big dreams. Most don’t have an crippling critic inside them. Everyone has a critic. Rarely is it crippling you into a state of depression. For me it is. For us, if I might say so.
      Nothing is ever good enough. Neither I’m to myself, nor anyone to me. And this realization creates even more spite which in turn puts you into a frenzy of anger and self hatred. It’s a vicious cycle of mental and emotional violence.
      For me these issues only subside when I do one of the following things: actually oblige to my inner critic and get up early, work out, then read, then do music, then eat healthy etc. etc. etc. OR simply do what I love or what is nurturing me. This can get out of balance too, of course. But that’s life like for most without crippling anxiety, depression or what have you.
      Simply settling for less means exactly that. Settling for less and being unhappy. But settling for things that give heartfelt joy and love is something else entirely.

      I hope my words don’t strike you as foolish or ignorant. I don’t pretend to understand you nor am I in the same position. But I see similarities. And therefor a similar approach to my betterment may help you.
      Im writing this at work. Having slept only for 2 hours after again exploding inside yesterday evening and keeping me up all night. Life is a shitshow. It’s evil. But things like love and joy exist. It’s for us to CREATE.

    • Anonymous says:

      Hans, im a christian, and going through so mych deep pain depression, spiritually, and more, and thought relocating, from country to city to blend in meet others.( id prob. Be saying same thing if there) I still trust, love Jesus, but so hurt ny shunning from a church, a few ive met, i understand what your saying in another way. Those i cherished, turned, gossiped, i understand none of us are perfect, but… im afraid to keep typing…i wont stop from start to end. Then i sound crazy, so ive been told by negative hateful people that were…in my life, it angers and hurts upsets makes me sad, that Jesus God nothing like that!!!holy spirit deals alone w us, others have no right abusing or shaming, im one to beat myself up for any, and everything out of my control, there was a few that used that weakness blaming myself , fir anything, when i shouldnt!.satan enemy, who wants you , me anyonee,to feel ” false guilt” not any kind from God, whose loving, kind, forgiving, merciful, ect. Jesus paid it all.. Hes gentle loves you wants you to know that, love u and thank you encouragement for me. Ibeen isolated, and depressed alone too long. Miss others, but turned off a bit from a few in past from a church, God wouldn’t… want, for anyone.tnx hans 4 sharing. Jesus luvs u dearly never forget that..hes kind…not…cruel…i hope you forgive i let u no that, it touched my heart thats felt dead from heartache a long time.

  47. Anonymous says:

    i have no life or friends how can you help me become a better person and is not alone

    • jennifer says:

      im new here wear im currently at ive been here 2 months in Colorado springs but I don’t no people here jus my parents not that their not important cuz they are but socially I haven’t been around to meet many people here but I think if your sad or depressed an feeling blue maybe we could go have a brunch or even a drink if you drink socially I no a number of really cool places to go 2 but I haven’t been yet cuz I never wanted to go alone eather so never fret theres tuns to do here maybe if you like we can talk an hang out sometime never b sad you just have 2 find the right people who dig on the same stuff that u do an ask an tonight was the first time I saw this web page an im actually glade I saw it cuz now im not the only person alone but guess wat tonight me an sum I got shared something really important it was a shooting star an guess wat I saw this page so now my solar system is way bigger now theres room 4 even more so never b sad ok

  48. Anonlost says:

    I’ve been indicted of a horrible crime which I did not commit. Because of this though I have lost all the closest friends in my life. Although my wife has shown signs that she believes me on this I know she still has her doubts. Because of other previous transgressions (which I do admit to only 1 incident, which was NOT illegal, but was unfaithful) she has told me whatever the outcome at court that we are done. I admit that I have not been the perfect husband but I truly do love her and the life we have built together. Without her I am nothing and feel there is no purpose. I am optimistic about my trial but either way I lose. If I am unable to successfully prove my innocence I go to jail and everything I have now is lost. If I am successful at trial I still lose. My family will be gone, my friends are already gone. I have nothing to look forward to. The thought of ending it all before trial has come to mind but then my accusers will get the sense that because I did something like that they were right about me all along, which isn’t the case. I guess that is the only thing keeping me going at this point so I can prove them wrong…….but when I do, then what? What will I have after that? Any way I look at it is just a lost cause. I have never battled with depression but now it seems it’s my only closest “friend”. It’s always there, it’s always on my mind, it’s always reminding me that all hope is lost. The more I confide in this “friend” the more it slaps me in the face and beats me down. Each time when I think I’m taking a step forward this “friend” is right there to pull the rug from underneath me and kick me back even further. Any way I look at it, no matter how much time I have left on this rock, I know I am going to be carrying the weight of this “friend” on my back. As every day passes that weight gets heavier and heavier and is currently almost to the point where I can’t bear it any longer. That day will come soon enough – whatever the final verdict comes out to be will undoubtedly be that last straw that broke this camel’s back. Right now that is the only hope that I have and am looking forward to, when I can finally be done with all this misery.

    • Emily G. says:

      TELL YOUR WIFE YOU LOVE HER. Show her signs. If you cheated, if that’s what this is, get rid of social media, change your number, don’t contact that person again. WRITE HER A LETTER. Women love letters. Especially romantic handwritten ones. Leave it on her pillow. Let her know you’ll always love her even if she leaves. But also let her know you’ll never want her to. And if she does let her know you’ll want her to come back. Everything sweet you said about building a life with her here, say in that letter. Write the sweet things but make it truthful and in your own words. Even the “I don’t like cheesy stuff” type of women like it sometimes. Show it. Do things. Help clean the house. Cook. Let her know. Let her know everything. The crime? I’m glad she believes it isn’t you but tell her again. Tell her everything from your heart. If she does stay, the relationship will be changed for sure. But it gets better in time.

  49. Dennis says:

    Il turned 65 on September 2,(2019).. I was disgnosed Bipolar in 1980..ive been unemployable only because of a sleep disorder and inability to follow instructions when under tension..i go into panic attack mode inside st the very onset of being put in responsible expectations mode..of course this always caused unjust accusations of laziness and much worse..i grew up collecting music since 5 years old so i am insanely in love with music but not so much of the current stuff.i have no friends and havent had à best or even a good friend since 1997..only acqusintances..i really am hurting inside ..i have thé mindset and thinking of à much younger man..i have NEVER felt thé progression of age..of getting getting older..i have no aches,no pains,no respiratory problems,absolutely NONE of the symptoms commonly related to thé aging process. I run with my dog everyday and love walking a quarter of a mile to the family dollar store me,.im NOT bragging. fact. I attributs my health To thé fact I’m à Christian and fully trust in Gods promise of healing and wellness ..also I’ve been taking supplements like spirulina,chlorella,vitamin b+ and nutritional yeast flakes..I realize i sound like an advertisement..but while i crédit my good health to God and supplrments,my life has been nothing but lonliness and horrible depression for thé past several years.i was hanging out with younger people for many years,due To my younger thinking and younger appearance…but once à 40_ish look graced my daily apparence,younger folk were SUDDENLY not driven to meet me or to even get To know me.. and people my age are not thé least bit interested in watching 80’s and 90’s music videos for hours st a time or at ALL for that matter!! And that’s my favorite pass time..I’d rather sit in front of my 49 INCH TV with my surround sound speakers,reliving thé 80’s through music videos than go fishing,building à book case or refinishing some pièce of furniture..(what thé heck happens to people that they turn senior and start doing weird stuff like that all thé time???) I love music videos of thé 80,and 90’s era(EXCEPT rap and hip hop) and I love playing around with CB Cousin and. I ,we’re night people, we slept days,awake all night and we used to,drive around all hours of the night talking to each other on the CB and watch music videos and play video games most all night and hit coffee shops through the night too..i still love doing those things but I’ve been doing them alone now for years.. but some things have changed.. I haven’t had transportation for extremely lonely..i have my 11 year old dog who is just beginning to slow down and show his age now..I’m losing the ability to be happy..i need a best friend,somebody who needs one as much as I do..but also who enjoys watching music videos,playing video games and well..playing..having fun like when younger..i don’t understand what’s happened to people my age..they gravitated to a level from playing board games and enjoying music and having fun to..varnishing furniture?? Wood csrving?? Sitting in their easy chair and falling asleep watching thé Andy Griffin show or Burns and Allen reruns?? I don’t get it..i really need a friend who is a Christian bit also isn’t legalistic to the point of minimalism..i enjoy tv shows like the good place and schitts creek and the Mist,etc I have Roku and Amazon echo and love the current technology..i really need somebody in my life who shares my interests..i love my dog but he isn’t catching on to my video games.and keeps dropping the controller.but seriously,I’m so depressed .I have tried online forums to meet people with my interests..not one single person in the 10 plus years that I’ve been looking..not one..many problem people have replied though..those that are still into drugs,going to live concerts ..people my age but who are are still tokin’ and getting stupid on weed ..that’s too extreme for me..i love 80s and 90’s music videos and cruising to coffee shops all hours of the night and doing video games like Nintendo,genesis and PlayStation and PC games..but not the doping and drinking..i don’t expect to find anyone here who shares my interests,but I have no other choice but to try by leaving posts on as many sites as possible..i don’t know how else to find a connection if there’s somebody out there..have never run in to anyone in public who shares my deeply depressed..i need to hang someone who loves having fun still..not employed who can hang out nights..i live in East Tawakoni Texas.My email is DJTEEL [at] GMX [dot] COM that’s the email I leave on sites where I’m hoping. to meet someone.(ie, I’m not leaving an email address irresponsibly..)..thanks for reading..

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m lonely too my husband left me after cancer surgery, I have withdrawn myself to my house. My son borrow my car and lost it about 8 months ago and now I can’t get to the grocery store which one I did go I felt like everything was closing in on me but I assumed that was from being an isolated area with applies by myself which I wanted. I have faced the fact that I will die alone I am 46, my choice of college was medical that with the cancer and living in another state it took everything I had now I’m on disability and living in Kentucky where I can afford rent. I took budgeting classes but all in all what is there 2 budget so why would anyone want me as a friend then I desperately need and want so I don’t even think about a partner what’s the use who would want me Harry and I hope you get everything in order and your life gets in a point to where you have nothing but full happiness ! Include God hair practices with him it’s where you find your inner peace and happiness and I have started back in church on Sunday mornings anyway to I charge of 30 people at most! I know I have anxiety but as why doctors do not want to treat it I’ll never know they did once I got married I went to amusement parks I went swimming I was happy I did something every day of my life was wonderful then I got cancer I don’t have it anymore my husband is gone and I moved to this area and they will not prescribe my medication so I do all the other steps that I did to get to where I was at to be happy the dying alone is a fear itself and when you can’t leave your doors because you know you have no friends if you broke down or got in and predicted there would be no one there. I could go on and on about how bad my life is just be grateful how yours is.I’m wake up every day and give thanks for the roof over my head in the food in my stomach and I have a little dog I’m grateful for those things. I know that a whole lot more since my son lost my car he bought him a new one well a couple years old. he never said he was sorry or never offers me a ride and sometimes I wonder because I have no friends how well I eat so just be grateful that your loss is better than most that’s what I do that’s all I can do oh, I think that I should start and if I had the money to I would start a site that focuses on things like this. Dating sites if you are on almost not perfect then no one that wants nothing to do with you so I don’t even try them. Being single since my like 30s and now I’m getting into my like 40s I have to say worries me I want to blame everything on depression I know you don’t like what’s going on around what it is what it is and there is no night and shining armor is willing to step in I’m not as severe case I’m just an unseen person! SS in may all of you find the inner peace you’re looking for!

  50. danny says:

    All the people I just finished high school with are all starting college.. Once word got out that i had done terrible on the entrance exams my sad situation only got worse.bullied..picked on made fun of…I tried very hard but as ive been told lots of times the world needs ditch diggers…i just wanted my mom and dad to be proud of me for something..there’s nothing I can point to for them to be proud of…. I don’t have any value…

    • Karen says:

      College isn’t for everyone. You just need to find where your strengths are. Have you been tested by a career counselor to see where your strengths are? I wish I had done that when I was younger. I’m in my 60’s now. I went to college, but didn’t know what I wanted to do. So I pursued a degree that didn’t mean anything to me. Years later I found out I love to transcribe. But it didn’t work out like I wanted it to. So don’t give up. You have your whole life in front of you.

    • Emily G. says:

      Go to a trade school. Any of the trades pay a lot nowadays because not many people do them anymore. Everyone’s “going to college” so. Yeah it’s manual labor but worth it.

  51. Ron says:

    I am 67 retired and live alone and have no friends and my family is non-existent. I would love to have one friend to confide in and see once in awhile just to talk. I am trying to move to a senior facility and hopefully meet a few friends there, that is if I can afford to move. I read a lot of articles and it seems like a lot are in similar situations as I am. I wish the best for all of you.

    • Theta says:

      Ron: I also share the same age and circumstances.
      It is frightening to be this age, this isolated and alone in life.
      Hopefully some of us can keep in communication/support herein.
      I’m wishing the best for you as well.

    • Steve says:

      Hi Ron
      I am 72 and desperately lonely with nothing to do all day. I have no family or friends and went out with a woman when this first started but I needed to rely on her as I felt so ill but kept calling her which got her down and we hardly see each other now. She doesn’t undrstand as she has got a job. Isn’t it a long day and it gets on your mind so much I can’t sleep wheareas for a while a few years back I took sleeping pills whoch put me to slepp straight away and when you are asleep you are not lonely and it kills part of the day but I started taking so many that I became addicted and they didn’t work anymore so I lost my last refuge. I am now awake 24 hours a day and am going mad. I can’t stand the slightest stress and I find lately one thing after another is happening to make me feel even worse. I am totally exhausted. I spend most of my time in bed. in a terrible state.

    • Nancy says:

      Hi my name is Nancy. I am 69 years old, and I don’t have any friends. Two of my children have passed away. I am very sad. I have always wanted a real friend. I feel so alone. I have no one to talk to. No one to communicate with. I am so alone.

    • Dennis says:

      Senior pat complexes like. 55plus are really nice. They’re generally quiet 24/7 and everybody is inside by sundown, you don’t hear loud boom boxes, people driving in all hours of the night, etcetera. The only drawback that I ever found, is that I’ve never yet seen a senior citizen apartment complex that had any kind of decent soundproofing in the walls. I could always hear my neighbor sneezing, coughing and could always hear when they had visitors. Knowing that I could also be heard that easily, made me feel self-conscious a lot of the time that I lived there. But if I were able to I’d move right back into a senior apartment complex. More advantages than disadvantages for sure.

  52. Jo says:

    I feel isolated and life is hard enough so when I reach out & try interact and when there isn’t a reply for a couple days, I end up frustrated about my life challenges & not hearing back from my friend.

  53. Ronnie says:

    Hi I appreciated this blog I have been reclusive solitary alone for long time. I am only child estranged from malignant narcissist mother. Thirty year on SSDI last LTR ending in domestic violence 5/93 last girlfriend FWB broke it off 2/14/04. Went into psychotherapy 8/03 and she messed me up 3/17/16 and completely sabotaged 15 years therapy 12/31/8. She lied 3/17/26 said twelve unwanted celibate years and a diagnosis untreated major depression was dangerous crisis needed to end celibacy ASAP normal outcome couple years not twelve would be murder and or suicide. Then a TED talk styled appointment about Healthy Sex Life and Sex Positivity. 1988 mental ilness began after serious suicide attempts over same sex encounters with men as male prostitute being heterosexual not flexible fluid bisexual or confused or in denial as demonic monsters imply because they lack conscience, empathy and capacity to be honest. I ended celibacy with men not preference but trusting therapist of thirteen years and she gaslighted me and triangulated with newer psychiatrist who SOCE sex orientation change effort me to be Bisexual when heterosexual. Gaslighting got worse over events ending celibacy and I was propositioned for male prostitution by senior from first AA meeting 7/3/96 and lost 21 years clean and sober after he humiliated me with filthy stinking rotten genitalia. I smoked $4K of crack between 9/29/17—1/15/18 $100 a night trying to brain stroke . Last so called friend visited 30 days clean to relapse so 2/17/19 one year clean crack 7/3/18 22 years and nine months abstinence from alcohol, 6 years no cigarettes. 2/4/19 therapist and psychiatrist pulled from case this Wednesday appointment with medical director of mental health clinic I have gone to since 8/03 . I haven’t wanted to use YMCA membership got in 10/18 or be around people because of betrayal scared I will assualt kill someone stay home get groceries and Crystal for harm reduction Hope psychotherapy sessions with Psychiatrist and Medical director help me and I go back with therapist that hurt me I am going to push aside what happened no filed complaints let statute limitations run out three years. I am still having same sex encounters and ended Heterosexual celibacy 1/11/19 25 year old Blonde asked me to come up her SRO for quickie seen her in March and beginning of this month I am not practicing Christian but so much deception about Mindfulness Yoga REIKI secular/Contemplative Prayer Christ Consciousness, Kundalini, Spiritual Formation Interfaith, Revival, Awakening in Christianity I believe don’t follow Christ and See Evil Wickedness and the invasion of the body snatchers quality of ” oneness” Enlightened crowd which makes me feel smart and stable being reclusive. I will give it 100% with appointmens with Doctor and try to get out in YMCA and make new friends.

  54. Anonymous says:

    I did not start to get depressed and lonely until 1 year after my divorce, odd I was so ready for it to be over. I live far from work, don’t have time to get out n mingle, too tired, I try dating sites but though I get a lot of potentials , I don’t have the time to invest into a relationship because of my job. When I am working I enjoy it, but when I get home to an empty house( 6 bedroom) it starts to get to me , I really only have 3 hours a day to do anything.

    • Cath says:

      I find it especially tough when I do housework and I feel like complaining and a lot of times I can’t talk to anyone closest to me in the same household. My opinion just doesn’t matter at all a lot of the time. So I often isolate myself. It about did me in last month.

    • Cath says:

      it gets to me too. I have had times when I really don’t feel close to anybody. I really don’t. There’s this oppressive feeling I get that it’ll last a while and I might as well ‘enjoy’ how I’m feeling. I feel like giving up. I’d like to unsubscribe from this forum. I don’t know how.

      • Anomnyous says:

        Im alone 24/7 do the same thimg everyday wait fir next day to doit all over again . I have no car no friends no family. Im 55 the only time i go out is when i have dr.apts . Have no spending money on disability pay rent n phn and im btoke. I csnt do this tje rest of my life thid isnt living its surving. I sleep most of the day . I dont know what im doing here my mom died in 2016 mu life ended that dsy ill never be happy she was my best friend in the world. What im to do the rest of my life do this nithing nothing just be alone till i die..i cry ask god what is his plan for me to reveal what im to do in my scared to live to be old be in nursing home till my life ends

        • Stephanie says:

          I also have the same circumstances. I never thought this is where I’d be. Now I don’t have any interest in doing anything. If I could sleep all day, every day, I would.

    • louise says:

      Hi anonymous
      How are you I to iam so lonely have been most of m life I was born with a disability which has gone worse over the years and I have home help now. I don’t drive and cant walk far need help even to get out side which I Hate but that’s how my life goes I can write to you if you like.

  55. Cath says:

    I’m wondering if it’s time to put my elderly father in a nursing home. His mind has begun to go. The sad thing is, he has been accusing me of little things which are made up and totally false. I’m wondering if I should get far away to protect myself. I’m starting to think that he’s beginning the ‘dying’ process. It seems like he has gotten meaner every year.

    • H. says:

      The false accusations, suspicions, suddenly becoming mean, etc. are a very common symptom of incipient dementia/Alzheimer’s. Don’t take it personally – the poor man is losing himself and feels helpless about it.

      • Cath says:

        Actually I’ve been dealing with this for the last several years and it has never been harder on me before. I’ve had to seek out support because I just feel very much alone. I don’t go out or visit much. I can’t just get away no matter how much I wish I could.

  56. Cath says:

    Only in the last month have I been able to get out a bit more. Well, the weather got better. Thank God it quit raining here for once since it’s April now. Yesterday the weather was so wonderful. I was thankful I was able to get out of the house. I had to get away. I’m with my elderly father whose mind is beginning to deteriorate. The sad thing is, he has started to accuse me of little things. I’m wondering if I should get away and protect myself. Should I? I should leave him probably. When is it time to put a person in a nursing home?

    • H. says:

      Would he have left you if or when you were vulnerable and unable to fend for yourself?
      It’s your life, obviously; but I think it is a thought worth considering.

      • Cath says:

        No, I don’t think so if it had been years ago but now he has dementia. I think that maybe I was acting out of fear.

  57. Cath says:

    it might help for instance if you can go to your local church or a women’s shelter or maybe a restraining order if there’s evidence. Also, it might take courage to leave him but you might try it. besides, maybe it would be better if you went away and he has no way of finding you. Maybe it’ll teach him he can’t control another person. Also, if you have a way of borrowing money maybe that would help too. If you have a friend, Tiffany, It might help to live with one of your friends if one will take you in or a women’s shelter if it’s bad enough. I know exactly what it is to be in a toxic relationship. Escape is sometimes the best thing to do. I’m sorry to say it might be hard to think of having to leave the home you lived in all those years especially if it’s a very nice one. It might help to provide evidence through a hidden camera recordings. Pictures might be too dangerous cause then it could escalate. God does love you and it can sure help to pray to God and ask him what you should do in your case. I have done that a lot over the years. Reading the Bible can help. I hope you have one. I would do both of these things and take action now to get away if you can. Please know that God will get you through all this. I know he can do that for you if he did that for me.

  58. Tiffany says:

    Everything you have written is exactly my experience. This is my life within a 25 year, bad marriage. The relationship has been nonexistent for at least 12 years and I feel paralyzed to move forward and get out. I know it would be best but the depression has me petrified. He is passive aggressive, controlling and I am also afraid of what he might do. I can’t even rescue myself. What would I do? Where would I go? How would I be able to work to take care of myself?

  59. Cath says:

    Elijah, it sounds like maybe we both need prayer. I do admit it has been hard for me too even though I pray to God and read the Bible. I’m just persevering. I have had an obsession with end time prophetic dreams and a few people who have had dreams of Jesus coming back in 2020. This year 2019 has been tough on me so far but I have told myself to persevere to 2020. That has helped a bit with my discouragement. I thought I would put this out there. Your situation seems quite sad. I found out that depression in a situation like this can be debilitating. Friendship can be tough to find especially after high school. Having a plan for life can help. Otherwise life can seem fairly meaningless without some kind of plan especially without a friend to talk to. Hobbies are important. Cannabis can really worsen depression if you stop it abruptly. Too much of it can get you a trip to the ER not mentioning the expense of an ER visit. Not being able to go anywhere can be pretty tough on a grown person who may or may not have a driver’s license. Are you able to go anywhere much with young people? It is important. I have seen how important it is to be with people your age besides your parents. It seems like you can’t have much fun by yourself unless you’re able to book a cruise or plan a vacation far away like Hawaii. Btw, I’m not able to do that. I wish I could sometimes. I’d love to say that God is love and I hope you really do find God. God doesn’t think you’re a throwaway. He thinks you’re wonderful. In the Bible it says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It can be hard to feel God loves you when you don’t have a person to talk to. I hope to pray for you and I hope you find the peace of God for yourself.

  60. Cath says:

    I just feel dead inside like it wouldn’t matter if I got good news or bad news. I’ve gotten to the point that if I get anything good in life, it must have been a stroke of good luck, not because God helped me. It’s gotten to the point that my desire for companionship has kind of died.

    • Elijah says:

      Hello, Cath. I hope that things are looking a little better for you now. A DuckDuckGo search for “no friends” brought me here–and that’s quite out of the ordinary for me. I’ve been stuck with this annoying prick that’s been living inside of my head since I was something like 14 and began to see the real world. Referring to myself here in jest, I don’t hear voices. I’m twenty-three now; I have no friends, and no contact with any family members aside from my parents. This last comment you made, I read the others, too, stood out to me. It wasn’t until late last year when I began vaporizing cannabis (California resident) that I could even begin to fathom the depths of my depression. Like you, I had become desensitized to reality… thoroughly dead inside… but presumably for very different reasons. Having temporarily lost access to cannabis, I again am struck with pangs of depression.

      After having seen what you wrote, I felt an, albeit small, connection with you. I think it’s a real shame that out of all the comments I have read so far that you and others have left, not one person has offered even anonymized contact details to initiate a potential friendship. I guess that’s understandable, given where we are. I assume many of us outcasts have trust issues, trouble comprehending the actions and intentions of others, and etc.. I, for one, struggle with all of that and more. [ … ]. You, or anyone else who reads this that needs someone to talk to, can contact me at throwaway52242 [at] gmail [dot] com.

      [ … ] The despair, the endless chasm that is loneliness, the joylessness, and losing your sense of humor… I’ve felt it all–and I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try to put this phase of my life behind me for good.

  61. Cath says:

    Thanks Asher, for praying for me. I hope I do find my purpose for being here, but I’m getting the feeling I’ll have to wait a while still. Sometimes I feel like my suffering is wasted. Here I planned something nice for my dad but unfortunately, he has had a cold and lucky to be getting over it. The sad thing is, he is really miserable on top of it and taking it out on me and I had to walk away. I really feel alone and I feel maybe if I wait for summer, then my outlook would be better. I wish so badly I could leave the place and not come back.

  62. Cath says:

    I’m finding my loneliness hard to bear. The trouble is I’m constantly having to experience something new to feel good about life. The trouble is the more alone you are, the more you have to vary your activities. Feeling worthless has become normal to me. I’ve tried praying and reading the Bible. It doesn’t always seem to help. Why? Because well you still need people. I felt in the last month that I was told by God that my outlook on life would improve come spring and summer. I haven’t been able to get out much with all the rather unsafe winter weather. I wish I could just laugh. It seems like a lot of my laughter and joy has dissipated. I’ve had bad days and it seems like they color my existence. The bad days seem to prove that I’m destined for a life of being alone.

    • Eviee says:

      I feel the way you do, to the point of just giving up on what’s left with my existence. I am 61 years old, no friends or family per say.

  63. Anonymous says:

    I’ve tried praying to God and reading the Bible concerning the excruciating loneliness I often feel and it seems like that my despair will never lift no matter how hard I try.

  64. Cath says:

    It seems like I’ll always be alone. never mattering much to anyone but me. It doesn’t seem to matter how much I pray, it’s always the same and I’ve kind of resigned to that fact that there isn’t much hope. It seems I’ll never have someone to pick me up when I’m down. If I do, it’d be a stroke of good luck showing up. I have battled feelings of worthlessness and it seems they’ll stick around for a while. unless I happen to have some. It has seemed normal for some time and no signs of letting up.

  65. Cath says:

    I still don’t have friends to spend time with. I spend most of the time hardly interacting. My outlook seems terrible right now. I get tired of feeling hurt. I’m lucky if I smile or laugh. Lately it seems I’ve had more bad days than good days. It seems like I have spent more time fighting and keeping the peace than having a good time. I wish so much I was having a good time. I wish I could see myself a better person but part of me doubts I’ll see it soon.

    • Serena says:

      To be honest…maybe you could try to get some help from a counsellor? or someone to advise you on how to take care of your dad because it seems like you are under a lot of stress…I hope things get better for you soon

  66. ca says:

    My life story deals with a form depression where as I suffer all alone.. I write this not being sure if this is the proper forum…I am depressed and have zero friends so I guess I can write about it here. Sometimes not knowing is better…

    I am a 43 year old engineer who was brought up in an orphanage.. That wasn’t terrible. We had food..decent cloths and medical care and lots of good people to help us along.. I’m fine with that. When I finished college I got into my career and have done better then well.

    In my late 20’s I had money to burn so I set out to find my birth mother.. It took a while but I found her.. My normal life ended upon meeting her. She was more the willing to see me.. She was a beautiful lady..Very kind.. and honest..

    She had been brutally raped in a shopping center parking lot one evening. The thug was never caught. I’m the product of that encounter. She had the news paper clippings.. The adoption records. Shock doesn’t even begin to describe what I felt.

    My heart so ached for her. I apologized for putting her through this.. She felt worse for me.. “You were a child that did nothing wrong” All she requested was for me to never come back to her as she was married and had children. They knew nothing about me…I have lived up to that and so understand.

    My social life ended that day. I quit my job.. I never even called my girl friend.. I just left…Sold my house and moved across country.. I wanted to die..I still want to die.. My family tree was grown out of violence.. I have hidden from the world ever since. I once dreamed as a teenager that one day I’d be married. My wife and I would raise our children..

    My mind has never been the same.. I feel dirty..I feel like scum.. Where as I once had all sorts of friends..I now live shut away from the world.. I go to work.I do a good job.. I live in fear someone will discover the truth about me…. I don’t the strength to end my life… I should have left it alone..

    I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror…

    • Lucy says:

      To the poster who is the product of rape,
      I read your words with pain in my soul. You were the victim in this circumstance. A victim by definition has no control over the events that transpire during a heinous crime. Please do not despair, and do NOT feel shame for circumstances beyond your control!!! You ARE worthy of love. You deserve to be looked upon not a product of a crime but as the beauty that has risen above it. Your life is beautiful because you live. You are successful and well written. I pray these words do not fall on deaf ears or that you rebuff them. Decide for yourself that you are worthy of love. It will come to you. No one deserves to be alone.

    • ASP says:

      I realize that it’s so much easier said than done, but sometimes in situations such as yours, maybe you were put here to be a testament to others who may be going through or (have gone through) what you have.
      You may not always feel the strength to support others, but your story, your empathy, your listening ear may be all it takes to pay it forward or help an individual in his/her struggles. You may also find that with investing your compassion towards others, you find healing of your own.

    • Ann Onymous says:

      I don’t normally reply to other people’s problems because I have no right to advise anyone about their issues and I’m not experienced and qualified enough to do that, but was so touched by your story I had to respond from my heart. Only you can come to terms with your feelings and understand you have nothing, absolutely nothing to reproach yourself with and you need to accept that. Don’t let what happened to your mother destroy your life all over again because your mother hasn’t allowed what happened to her to destroy her life and she’s more thinking about herself than you. She doesn’t deserve a brilliant son like you. As for being a product of violence no you are not. You’re more than a product and you’re more than a consequence. None of this is your fault.

  67. Cath says:

    I’ve been so depressed lately that I can’t seem to laugh at all. it’s like I’ve lost my sense of laughter and my sense of hope. But God and angels if I happen to see them, I’m so ecstatic. They’re my friends.

  68. Cath says:

    All I can do day by day is just do what I have to and not expect much. People have their own lives. I depend on guardian angels to protect me. It is fairly normal for me to be depressed. In my mind, if people happen to have happiness luck must have visited them. I’m lucky if I come out of it. I’ve gotten fairly good at blocking anything out I don’t want to remember. If I see God and angels it’s such a wonderful thing.

  69. John Doe says:

    Being single and all alone without a love life is the worst of all.

    • Robin says:

      I agree. This is my date forever and just knowing that destroys my hope for a happy, fulfilling life.

      • Anonymous says:

        I used think this. Then I married and had a child with an abusive woman with a very evil or mentally ill (depending upon how charitably one wishes to view the situation) character of Machiavellian proportions.

        Now I am sundered from the few friends I had, homeless, working a terrible job for a big paycheck that all goes to her, never see our son, and constantly threatened and kicked around by the “legal system.”

        I am not dismissive of the plight of the lonely craving comoanionship; I was there! But I mean it when I say be careful what you wish for. Some happy few mY find the love of a lifetime, hero and friend. But as many or more wind up like me, and – this is important! – there is aboslutelu no way to know which you are getting yourself into beforehand.

        Being alone is much, much safer. Take comfort and solace in that.

  70. Tyler says:

    I hope that you all have a great Thanksgiving! Depression, isolation, shame, regret, aimlessness, burnout, helplessness and hopelessness can shut you down. I’m up reading this article at 2:13 AM. Hang in there. And trust in The Most High. He can get you through this. You may not feel like you matter. You may feel worthless. But there may be several people that you didn’t even know you made a difference in the lives of in your life.

  71. Cath says:

    It’s been a while since I’ve been here. By the way, I still feel as if I have no friends. It’s no fun when you’re around an old person who seems to resent you having any fun. It is one of those days when it is cutting a bit deep.

  72. Jay says:

    Hi to all who, like me, are beyond depressed and lonely. The train wreck that is my life began its fated voyage when I was 3….I was sexually abused…raped…by my teenaged male sitter. The traumatic experience hit me first at age 13, when I realized what had happened….the full impact of it. It has continued to wreak my existence. Now at 58 I find myself alone after my wife of 30 years asked me to do the Conscious Uncoupling divorce….

    I have reached a point where I have learned to live under the spell of depression and isolation….I am an expert at analyzing myself….lol and getting myself uplifted to ride the next wave. I am unemployed, but do have enough funds to live for another 10 years or so. I do have a son who I love and who does care for me, although he is 3 thousand miles away.

    I feel alone even though I have friends and family who do care for me….my loneliness and depression comes from having lost my childhood at such an early age….my innocence was stolen from me and I became sick…with a distorted imprinted view of sexuality I haven’t been able to erase from my memory.

    I am alone and comfortably depressed, going about these last years of my life without purpose, expectations, desires, hopes. I pay bills, cook my meals, do what I see fit, help those who ask for my help and accept the help of those who extend a hand. I don’t take any psychosomatic drug, they don’t help erase my memories of the past.

    As I read entries, such as those from folks who were mercilessly abused, sexually, physically or verbally, it angers me, because I understand their suffering….I know that we can’t erase our horrible childhood experiences, we can only cope with them and try to function as best as humanely possible, sometimes it hurt a lot….and sometimes the memories hurt less….

  73. Jacob W says:

    All my friends are gone. I hate myself for what I’ve done to other people. I don’t talk to my family. My wife is the only person who keeps me going. I am scared I will lose her too. The person I became is not the person I am today, 30 years of fragmented life summed to a new beginning of dealing with the shadow of years creating strife. Guilt overtakes my thoughts on a regular basis, I drift just waiting to die. I miss those who I grew up with, but with them now I would never have grown up. The growing pains are strong, at 33. All the drinking and the smoking and the using; the lying; the fighting; the giving up, it all situated itself at the center of my depression and causes much heartache. I cannot go back and change the things I’ve done, and finding the strength to go about a noble existence is what pains me. My purpose continues to elude me as it’s worldly existence taunts me with redemption. I know there isn’t redemption ahead, only life. Life doesn’t care if I succeed, I can’t figure out if I care either. I feel dead inside at times, sad, angry, a victim, a bad person, or hateful. There are many who I have hurt that would agree I am a bad person. I am guilty of all the bad I have committed in my life. Where is the good? It is so hard to find the good. I’m sorry I abandoned my friends and family. I am sorry to those I betrayed. I am sorry to those I have hurt. I am sad to see those who abandoned me go, but I understand. I am sad to have seen my life wasted so many years, but I know how and why it was wasted. Words show what is inside me. Actions show what I am willing to do about it. If I do nothing, I will continue to fall until I die. I need to find purpose in the least vain ways and atone for my low and despicable existence. I will never get back what I lost. I will, if I do will it, create a new life upon the one that has sprouted.

    • Kit says:

      You could be describing my own life as well as yours. The difference is that I am 62 and now live alone. My second wife divorced me four years ago – I can hardly blame her because I was hell to live with. I lost everything I had worked for, including the things I loved the most, which were my dogs and cats. These creatures were my soul companions in this trial of a life and the pain I felt was almost unbearable when my ex took them from me, in addition to my house and property. At the same time my divorce was occurring I learned that my mother was in terminal decline and I had to make many trips to the U.K. for extended periods to care for her until she eventually passed away. I too am wracked with guilt and remorse for past actions. Sometimes the burden is almost unbearable, but all I can do now is try to soldier on and do better, as marginal as that effort is. Going through the fire is what tempers us and if we work at it a tougher metal is made. If we give in to our misery we just melt. I attempted suicide a couple of years ago, but was found just before expiring and was revived. The utter misery of that awakening in hospital I cannot describe. I have come to the conclusion, however, that I would rather spit in the face of tribulation than let it defeat me. Society and all the shitty things it does to try and break us can just go to hell. I will determine when I have had enough and I will go out on my own terms. Where I come from there is an old saying: “Don’t let the bastards grind you down”. Just know that you or anyone who is feeling pain and anguish are not alone. We are the legion of the lost and we are the tough ones.

      • H. says:

        Kit –

        I say this as a true friend from afar (to you and to everyone here suffering):
        surviving on sheer “grit” eventually can make it tougher to you.
        Perhaps giving your LOVE would help you? Maybe there is some shelter near you where you could go and visit animals who have nobody to pet them, to love them?
        JOY is what gives us strength.

        Be well, my friend.

  74. Mee says:

    I don’t have friends, I haven’t had a call or text in months. I don’t even know why I pay for a phone. I don’t have a family either. I feel like of I died, no one would notice so that makes my decision easier.

    • Natalie says:

      Mee – you really do matter. Everybody is precious and has a purpose, whether you feel it or not. You have a divine and unique gift that only you bring to this world. God sent his one and only Son for YOU – and if it was only for you, it was worth it to him – we are all equal and precious in his sight. I pray you find wholeness, love and peace in the knowledge of your loving creator and that you are never alone. Blessings to you xxxxxx

    • Anonymous says:

      lived best part of my life alone now senior citizen,always lived as though I was different from others and big family don’t speak of emotions /ie depression anxiety except 1 sister however sad to say she spent most of her life institutionalised,whereas my make-up though similar decided to branch out and live independently;but neverdid find my passion (still looking

  75. Fahmida says:


    • Holly says:

      Hi Fahmida, I read your sad, angry and hurt post here today and felt I had to reach out. I am so sorry that your family is so dismissive of you and your real needs. It sounds like you need to take things into your own hands and find your own therapist, maybe even move out of home, etc. I hope you are doing ok as it has been nearly 6 months since you wrote this. My warmest wishes.

  76. Patricia says:

    I’ve been depressed all my life I want allowed to have friends as a child or growing up I’m isolated all the time now that both my parents are deceased I’m still lonely I have nobody in my life no family no nothing I feel others who I thought were friends and family cared but I see they never did and even if I wanted to have anybody in my life I dont know how to do it being isolated all my life I cry all the time I do have a dog and keeps me going but as I get older I get more depressed I do wish I had someone in my life even as a friend please does anybody know how I can get back life that I’ve missed for so long

    • Don’t think negatively says:

      I can’t possibly grasp what your life has been like. Being a truthful and out going person, not someone that likes to stay in but instead someone who goes out often. That is truly a way of meeting people. You may think that no one likes you but you need to meet the right type of people, people that truly like you for you.

      • Cath says:

        I haven’t been able to meet the right people. I sincerely believe there aren’t many people like me. I think I’m right. I don’t have much money and plus I take care of my elderly parents. I can’t really count on them for support a lot of the time. I did have someone come up to me in a store and give me a Jesus tract and she said that God loves me. It consoles me to be able to distract myself today and just be able to reach out. I notice when life doesn’t treat me very nice, that it seems worse than ever. I went out to dinner the other day and got carsick and threw up when I got home and I got a nasty remark from my father when that happened. It hurt so bad that I didn’t even care to wake up at all this morning. I was just hurt. I have to distract myself a lot so I don’t notice I’m alone. I really am. Here my brother’s kids came over and I thought they wanted to dance to a video or play the keyboard with me. They don’t do that stuff. Not everybody does. I was so blanking crazy to think that would happen! I don’t feel I’ll ever meet the right people. I feel like going back to bed.

        • Ann says:

          I feel the same I just wish I had someone to talk to,go for a walk with or movie shopping. I have one friend we get together on birthdays and talk once or twice a year. Life is so hard sometimes I wonder God why am I here, what’s my purpose to get up and do the same thing day after day. I know we have to make decisions in life to make life worth living it’s hard when you feel like a outcast and you don’t fit in. I wish there was a group for the friendless hearts club. Your not alone I feel your pain as others on here do also.

    • Hope ForUs says:

      Hi as I was reading through the comments I couldn’t help but notice that I’m not alone. So many of us are going through the same things. So I’ve decided to create a Facebook page just for us. A page where we can support, lift up and hopefully help each other out of depression.

      Meet me here👇🏼 search “Hope ForUs”

      I’m copy and pasting this to every comment, so if you’ve commented more than once you will receive this more than once. Sorry for the repetition.

    • Anonymous says:

      My mum has passed away 3years ago of bowl cancer I feel so alone I have no friends or family I’m so depressed I don’t go out now Christmas is coming up and I don’t know what to do,I’m a failure my life is a joke I never knew my dad he died wen I was 4 ,you should be straight with them hun its your life I’m here for you maybe we can support each other

  77. Cath says:

    Still an adult living at home. Well it hasn’t always gone so smoothly. I felt torn down by my own father the other day and then I felt like I needed to talk to someone else. Then I went to mother and I felt worse after talking to her. I felt treated like I was impractical and not worth listening to. By the way, I have hardly anyone or any friends I can talk to and plus I have almost no social life now. They’re old and I take care of them now. Now as a result I still feel rather sad this morning. I’ve had to distract myself so I don’t quite as much how lonely I seem to be. I really am alone. I have felt rather like a waste of space and a burden and it’s like according to her it’s like no one would like me for the selfish person that I seem. It was the most hurtful thing I’ve ever felt! At least I have some hope. She is thinking of getting me an apartment so that I can get away from being with dad cause being with him has proven to be a bit of a downer. He doesn’t pick me up very much. I don’t have someone to cheer me up. I have a brother who I can email but he’s so busy with kids I hate to bother him too much. It seems I’m fine as long as I don’t NEED to talk to someone.

  78. Invisible me says:

    I’m blown away by reading the comments. How is it that so many of us are struggling with this and no cure has been found. I claim to have the depression Gene. I tried committing suicide at 17. My life isn’t that bad, but it feels like it. I only took an anti-depressant for five years. It did nothing. I’m looking for natural cures, supplements. I have found that a full spectrum amino acid and very high doses of vitamin D make a huge huge huge difference. I take 50,000 units of vitamin D3 once a week. I also eat very good, organic and non-GMO. I truly believe that the pharmaceutical industry does not want us better. Think about it. If we get better we don’t continue on their drugs. They don’t create cures, they create patients. They don’t care about our well-being they only care about their pocketbook.
    I tell myself all the time “ Lord take my life or make it better, one or the other.” I find having purpose, true purpose not just a job makes a big difference for me. It’s on days that I don’t have to work and don’t have anything significant to do that the depression sets in. When I run out of D3 and amino acids my life is unbearable and I’m suicidal.
    I’m breathing, but I’m not living. Please give the supplement to try, I hope you will find that they take the edge off as they do for me. Hope has to be out there somewhere

    • Axel says:

      Unbelievable, that there is somebody who feels exactly the same stuff. Also, when I run out of Vitamin D and/or protein my life becomes unbearable. Siucidal within hours. Cannot stand cold temperatures anymore, cannot stand a night without sleep, cannot stand all those people outside talking bullshit. Became homophob, isolated, lost connection to everything and everyone. Sometimes I believe that kind of loneliness is able to murder. But what I keep asking myself is…why do I feel lonely when everybody around me IS me? I guess, this loneliness is the basic feeling of creation itsself. I believe because of that feeling of being completely alone (because you are the only one and thing that exists) the universe created itsself out of its longing for itsself. That is it.

  79. Girllost says:

    I suffer from loneliness, depression, sadness, anxiety, anger,heartbreak, and list goes on. I’m honestly just lost and I cant find my way back. The worst part of it is that I suffer in silence. Im completely and utterly ALONE. I have family, my brothers and sisters but we’re all emotionaly distant from each other due to the fact that our mother passed away last June. It’s extremely hard for us to be around each other, I don’t know why but I know my mom is turning in her grave because of it. My mama was my best friend and now that’s she gone I feel I have no one. I’m 31 years old and I have no friends, not a one. I really feel like there’s something wrong with me. I don’t think people like me too much. It’s seems like everyone I come in contact with, when I do leave my apartment has a problem with me, maybe it’s in my head but it feel real. It’s so frustrating because i try to be friendly and smile at people but I’m lucky if I’m able to get one person to smile back. I’m really at my wits end. I barely leave my apt unlesss I’m going to work or to get food. Food, now that’s my best friend and worst enemy. I try to eat my feelings away and if course it never works I just end up feeling worse about all the damn food I just consumed. My life is a never ending battle and I’m losing big time.

    • Cheri says:

      Thinking of you. Prayers for healing….everything will work out. life is ever changing. Keep going….

    • Suz says:

      I’m so sorry to hear that friend. I feel the same way too. I always felt like people had a problem with me too. I tried being friendly and sweet with people but that never worked so now I don’t even try anymore. Nowadays I don’t make much of an effort to talk to anyone because I can’t take anymore rejection. It’s a never ending cycle of loneliness for me and I need to find a way to stop it.

      You’re always more than welcome to talk to me. I don’t know if you have a tumblr account but you can always message me there if you have one.

    • Suz says:

      Wow, my story is pretty much identical to yours, only difference is that I’m 25 but I have this huge fear that I’ll end up alone when I’m old. I’m also an only child so once my parents are gone I’ll be completely alone. Everyone around me seems to have a happy life with friends to see, a significant other, and they all get to travel a lot while I have none of these things. And it doesn’t help that these people rub it in my face by posting about it on social media. I’m currently in pharmacy school now and I’m doing terribly, so I can’t support myself yet. Plus

      • Nicolas says:

        I am on a similar boat to others here. Too shy and lonely! 38 years about to turn 39 soon and it’s been over 12 years since my last relationship back in the day when it seamed I was more sociable! I have a few close friends but slowly but surely most of my friends and I seem to slowly fade away! It sucks! I have a good job, own my car and condo but my social awkwardness kills it all. Everyone at work thinks I’m very outgoing and very nice person, but the other side of me is that I suffer from social anxiety! It’s very frustrating to live a lonely life and seeing the people around you have mates and kids while my life just passes by!

    • Jon says:

      I feel very much the way that you do a lot of the time. I have suffered with depression since I was a child and one thing that definitely works for me is physical exercise. Don’t get me wrong – it’s no silver bullet but it most definitely helps. I think distraction is another way of coping – distract your brain so it doesn’t have time to think negative thoughts. I saw my Doctor yesterday and he told me that in his opinion (as someone who had been depressed himself previously) books were one of the best ways to combat depression. He believes that (unlike TV or computers) when you read a good book your brain focuses entirely on that action and disconnects from any negative thinking. I really hope these tips might help you in your challenging situation – I feel for you, I really do and wish you all the best for the future.

    • Ann Onymous says:

      Don’t feel bad for having no friend. I’m more than double your age and lived with my mother my whole life and have no friend or family. Mine were just dysfunctional and not worth knowing. My beloved mother died very recently without warning and very sudden and she was my best friend and confident too. She was too much of a mother, friend and human being to lose. You have to fight it, you have to try to be strong and remind yourself what your mother would want for you and what she would want you to do. You’re not losing the battle because you’re still here. You just need a push in the right direction and genuine support from those who understand and know exactly what you’re going through.

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and thank you for your encouraging word they truly mean a lot.

  80. Shelby says:

    I am so tired of faking it and pretending everything is ok. When in reality I can barley get myself out of bed everyday let alone, shower. Like all of u my life has been a roller coaster and I have finally reached the point of being burnt out. I am so exhausted of the highs and lows and fighting to get back on track. At age 42, I think to myself what is the point now. At the same time I lay in bed kicking myself with what I am missing in life. Of course social media doesn’t make it any better.
    I know I need to get my ass back on track or else I will end up moving back home and living in my parents basement. Mind u I have already done that twice since college and I honesty cannot dig myself out of that
    again. I just feel lost at my age and disappointment in myself and how I turned out. 42, never been married and no kids. It never bothered me until the last few years. Now people learn that u are single and no kids and they start to look for the reason why, which doesn’t help with my high level of anxiety. I cannot be honest with anyone and share my depression, anxiety and issues with prescription medication addiction. I am too afraid of the rejection so I just continue to bottle it inside and isolate myself further.

    • Mel says:

      I feel like your speaking my mind! I’m 29 and also suffer with prescription med addiction.

      • Anonymous says:

        It’s a battle and one in which I fight every day to stay in recovery. I hope u can over come it and not waste your 30s fighting it, like I did. I wish u the best!:)

  81. I am very creative person and its how I pay my bills. Need a graphics designer or a motion graphics expert? I’m the one to call. Even though having these skills ensured that I had all I needed, I’m a very lonely man. At times being alone helps me to be more creative because I am always in my head trying to think of more creative ideas, yet it is no way to live as it has cost me a lot.

    Even though I grew up in a tightly knitted family, having most of my friends and family stay around me, I don’t see any of them since I became fed up with socializing. The ones that tried to keep in touch, I sort of pushed them away and they stopped when they had enough of my indifferent attitude. My luck changed from someone who used to have a lot of families and friends around to mingle with, to someone who couldn’t even see a missed call on his phone for two days.

  82. Rainbow fish says:

    Life has always been a rollercoaster.. Moving back and forth to my dads house and mums house from aged 11-22 my dad passed just over a year ago now he was my bestfriend as well as my dad. He was quite ill and i was his carer. (Not being paid carer. Just he needed help and i was there of course) felt like ive only really had one true friend but shes only wants me when shes get no body else. And it would be nice to actually make some new friends start living my life

  83. Emma says:

    Reading this post and all the replies makes me realise just how many of us are going through the same things.
    I’ve just turned 32, have no friends, no boyfriend or husband, have been out of work for a year and still live with my parents.
    Some days I don’t even get out of bed, except to use the bathroom or get food when I get really hungry. I cry a lot and sometimes I don’t even know what brought it on. But the majority of the time I just feel numb and am just going through each day surviving, not living.
    The Dr took blood tests told me I was very low on Sulfur, gave me some pills and told me to change my diet. After talking to me she said she thinks I’m fine and that I just need to get a job to help give me a reason to get out of bed every morning. But I felt like this when I used to have a job. Sure I made work friends but nothing more and they are all getting in with their own lives now. Sometimes I think it’d be nice just to have someone to go to the cinema with or just hang out with. I know I need to get out in order to meet people but I feel so shit about myself that I can’t see anyone wanting to be friends with me anyway. I use Twitter a lot but have just deactivated my acct. cause it was making me feel like shit, when people didn’t like or reply.
    Most of the woman my age I knew growing up are settled down with kids. I’m lucky I have an older sister who has made my parents happy by providing them with a grandson. Tbh I don’t even know if I ever want kids. But I guess it would be nice to not be alone all the time.
    It’s currently 2:30pm and I’m still in bed and having eaten anything yet today. I foresee another day spent in my bedroom sleeping and watching YouTube.
    If I knew this is where my life would be ten years ago I would’ve told myself to change everything, every decision I’ve made has led me here and now I don’t want to be here anymore.
    Sorry for rambling.
    There is more I could say, but I’m gonna leave it there for now.
    Take care. X

    • Tammy says:

      I can relate to your story. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this because I know the pain it causes and only people that go through such a debilitating disease will ever understand why we just can’t hop out of bed and be happy and run I’ll day and smile all day and enjoyed living. I live in Tampa Florida. I’ve been depressed and generalized anxiety for over 20 years and it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older as I am 46 almost now. Thanks took a turn for the worst when my father killed him self or year and a half ago and it ripped my heart out. My son is a wonderful and amazing young man who just graduated high school and is off to FSU and I am so proud but most of all that he enjoys to live but he doesn’t understand what I’m going through and why I cry and I’m why I can’t hold a job and I don’t want to go out but you know how all this says. So basically I just want to let you know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or email me maybe it would be a start to lift each other‘s hopes and it wouldn’t hurt to make a new friend. I look forward to hearing from you and I hope you are doing as well as can be expected

      • Emma says:

        Thank you for your reply Tammy.
        I’m so sorry to hear about your father I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
        I sometimes feel like I don’t even have a right to be depressed, you know like so many people have it worse than I do and I feel like people are just like “get over it.” But you and I both know it’s not that easy. As I said I don’t really have anyone to talk to so if you want to e-mail me and talk I’d be more than happy to do that too. I dunno how you can securely view/send details on here though, but thank you once again for your kindness. X

        • Mili says:

          Emma, I feel the same. I feel like I’ve already been very privileged and I feel ashamed that I pity myself. People that have a lot lesser than I do are happier. There’s still a lot that I don’t know, but I don’t have ANY friends. The ones that I had left me. Now, as I’m scrolling the comments section here, I’ve realised that are a lot of people that feel the same way. We should all be friends and help each other out! And I’m free pretty much all the time, so you can talk to be too! It would be great to have someone to talk to…

          • Shelby says:

            U are not alone. I can relate to most of everything that has been discussed. The only light in my life, now, is my dog. Besides that it is a struggle just to get out of bed. I have had my times of struggles, but this time I feel like I have just taken too many of life hits. I don’t have the drive anymore to get back up and keep moving on. I am just drained and burnt out.

      • Sarah says:

        Is this it never ever pictured my life to be this way at 55 . I married a looser severe mental issues he hid it very well for two years said he was a pastor I thought how could I go wrong with this man of God he knew the Bible very well he would go up yo podium at read scriptures. Cone to find out he knew the Bible from being in prison after I said I do the abuse started he would chase me with knives I had my mom living with us she had cancer for three years I cared for her till she passed it was her and I the husband was in and out of jail for domestic voilence on household member that was me.i my life has no purpose I live on disability I live alone I sleep all day up all night I can’t understand why my life turned out this way . the emberssment of marring a phsyco .everyone was so happy I had found a good man he had people thinking he was holy n loved me .the holidays are around the corner the dread I have of ,3rd year alone my phone never rings . No one cones to visit me I’m alone day in day out . I don’t know if I can make it another holiday alone. They say God has a plan for us what is his plan for next I feel I’m wroughting away no purpose so why I’m I still here. I’ve cried I have prayed I’m so emty it’s in real.

  84. jt says:

    The real me: not smart, not athletically coordinated, not handsome, painfully shy, tall and skinny boy I am….crooked teeth. I have a lisp. I come from a background where we didn’t have much.
    I’ve only been out of high school a year now . When you have the issues I described above…life is lonely. I understand and just tried to do the best I could. Being bullied from the 6th grade to the 12th was just awful.

    People who should no better said stuff to me I can’t even repeat. It all bounced off of me as I had a wall around me. But one thing said changed my life….Being told the world would better off if I was dead was the most hurtful thing. That day they managed to break me. I had never cried ..I dealt with it all. Thinking about that day my junior year still puts tears in my eyes.

    I remember looking at this guy.. the two girls standing there snickering…the other boys egging it on. I was devastated that someone could even say things like that. I walked Away and just found a place to sit down and cried I did. I asked God for help.. Please give me a sign..any sign. Someone else walked by and called me a pathetic loser. Guess it feels good to just keep kicking someone when their down…

    I’ve felt so empty since then. I’ve been pushed down the stairs. Had a baseball thrown at me hitting me in the head,,, punched and kicked.. Those few words just glare at me continually. I was just a skinny 17 year old boy and they wished me dead.

    I have what I call a curse..I think about things continually. I wonder what they would have said If I had died? It breaks my heart to think they’d laugh and cheer if that happened.

    I wish I was a different person. I only know loneliness. I go to my job doing what people like me do.. The best they can.. I don’t make enough money to own a car. I live in a bad side of town in a run down apartment.

    I’m sure all the mean people got accepted to college. They’ll probably go on to become decent people. I lay awake at night and wonder that when they are in the 40’s or 50’s or whenever…..

    will they remember that terrible thing they said to me “the world would be better of if you were dead”
    I pray that any children they may have NEVER gets treated that way.. I’m still young…I dream of a day when I have a true friend…to have a normal Thanksgiving..A Merry Christmas..not asking to much..


    • DS says:

      this, made me cry so much fully reading it all. I’m just a freshman in high school with many similar things you’ve gone through. I don’t have any friends or anyone, depression and anxiety weighs me down so much I skip so much classes. I’d wish to say you’re not alone either, that I would’ve been a friend there beside you. I hope everything does seem brighter for you now.. or at least things will change for that outcome.

      • Lm says:

        Wish there was a place where we lonely hearts could go.

      • jt says:


        I wrote the story you replied to. I’m just a few years older than you. I truly believe in karma. I think people like you and me will see things change for the better as we move along… I’ve lived my short life having never done drugs. I don’t drink…I’ve never stolen anything..I’ve never wronged anyone. I don’t even curse.. If having to do those things opens doors for me then I’ll stay the same..

        I pushed an alligator snapping turtle off the road as I walked down a sidewalk late yesterday so he wouldn’t get run over.! Sounds silly but that’s me. Those things matter.

        My bottom of the rung job took a turn for the better this past weekend. I may not be the smartest person in the world but I show up early..I’m enthusiastic..Do more then required..Someone up high noticed..

        Got a raise and promotion.. The encouraging words took my breath away… I decided last night I’m not going to be that despised boy any longer .

        Working hard is my way out..With the extra income I think in a year or less I’ll have saved enough to buy a car.. A goal for sure. Our company insurance will help me get braces on my teeth.. I have a long way to go but I’m trying..

        .I truly wish the best for you. You have something to offer this world. I know that terrible feeling of being picked on.. My heart aches for you…. I know its hard to get a job when your young but as soon as you can get a typical part time job us kids get. Get one! It gets you in front of different people. You can re-invent your self… For few hours each week I didn’t think of of what went on at school.. I hope you see this message..

        I wish I was around you also! I’d be your friend…

        Wishing you the most happiness you can get..and deserve!


        • Nina says:

          Dear JT,

          I hope life finds you well today. I, like you, am that person who stops in the middle of the road to make sure the badger gets safely to the grass. True story. I once accidentally hit an Opossum on a country road. I drove less than a mile before the thoughts of him suffering made me turn around and go back. All the while thinking what would I do when I found him? How could I end his pain? I couldn’t risk picking it up and waiting overnight for a vet to open…. anyway, God showed mercy on us both. He was gone when I got there. Now, switch to humans, I am equally as quick to help anyone at anytime. I just can’t be friends or converse with them. I am an odd Thomas. Ppl don’t like me. If I try to talk to them they can’t seem to get away fast enough. I don’t try anymore. I don’t talk to my parents, my children or anyone. They make me feel like they’re doing me a favor. A big one. So I avoid them most of the time. I didn’t used to be this sad, empty, lonely and a generally useless human. I do t work anymore. I don’t want to go out. I stay in bed as much as life with pets (who may actually like me) will allow. There’s really no point to my rant except to say I wish you much happiness in the future! I am already the past. I never would have believed this is who I would become and I do not wish it for you.

        • Vaishali says:

          I wish you all hapiness, success.. Just fight it out you r not alone.. There r so many people like us.. ..

      • ma says:

        this upset me also. Its wasn’t that long ago that everything was ok. i had as many friends as a person would have by one they quit hanging out with the boy who started this thread..people can be so mean.. I just started my junior year in high school and I was hoping the hatefull attitude i get from everybody would not be the same.its worse now ..its just terrible.. My dad is a Marine. Highly I know I’m not the son he had hoped for. I can see it in his eyes..I’m a coward..I scared to defend myself..once kids figure out your that way then its just a bad dream that never ends. My mom knows who rules the roost and she never defends me. I cant help it that im not very smart. the school year just started. Sleeping is getting harder and harder as I know what the morning brings….no one has said they wish I was dead but if i were it wouldnt matter to them. I don’t know how this will end..I’m just so tired. tired of it all…

        • H. says:

          @ma –

          sweetheart, I am thinking of you, wherever you are, and wishing you all the best.
          Yes, you’re tired – and no wonder. And you’re sensitive – not a coward.
          Please try and find counselling, so you’ll be able to cope better with these difficult years and realise your own value, the treasure that you are. Life WILL get better, and all those qualities that are making you feel like an outcast will be vindicated.

    • Diana says:

      I am so very sorry to hear about the way you were treated. The very best place you can go to and find people who really care about you is church….God’s house. Please find a Bible based church and you will find that the Lord cares soooo much about you!! He loves you like no one else can and wants you to believe in Jesus Christ, your Savior, so that one day you will have an amazing, wonderful life in heaven!! This world will be nothing compared to that….

      I am not sure where you live but we have a small church family in rural southern Wisconsin and we would LOVE to have you join us!! If not…please join a Bible based church near you and go regularly. You will find friends who love and care about you and then one day we will all meet up together in heaven!!


    • Mili says:

      I am so sorry for you. Something similar has happened to me too, last year in 9th grade, and I went through a horrible bout of depression and insecurity. I kept crying all the time. Like you said, I hope no one ever gets treated this way…to be wished dead. Be strong! I wish I could befriend EVERYONE in this comment section, I can relate so much to their stories, as well as yours. Everything will get better…

      • Jt says:

        Wishing you happiness and good things! Such a nice thing to say about being pals with everyone on here! As to the power of words.. Yours are so kind but the people I speak of… I think I’d rather get punched in the face then have people say terrible hurtful things to me… Words hurt worse I think..
        You take care…

    • DB says:


      This touched me more than words can say. I am a 44-year-old man in the south who has always had things good, so I thought. I was a fat kid, bullied, etc. However, I cannot imagine what it must be like to have gone through what you have. I had it good; I was semi-popular, made good grades, went to a top-25 college (top-25 in the USA), law school, have a job at an oil company making $90k/year in an area where folks don’t have it that good. But I am alone, an only child, just my parents and me. I live with them most of the time even though I own a home that is paid off because I fear I would kill myself if I stayed alone. Please know that you don’t have to feel down all the time and that you can talk to me if you feel bad. I will listen. I need friends; good ones. I might be a lawyer, but I am depressed and sad most of the time. I feel like I will kill myself when I lose my parents. But I know that there are lots of folks out there who have it bad and worse than me. I am a VERY empathetic person, and your words touched me. I wish I could go and beat down those bullies who have harmed you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and you can turn your life around if you accept help from people like me. It would make me feel better about myself if you accept my help; even if its just listening. I hope I hear from you.

    • Jasmine says:

      You are the sweetest person I’ve ever heard of, just want to cuddle you and make you feel loved again. I’m 33, been diagnosed with BPD and have had depression all my life the self harm the suicide attempts. I’m a single mum and that’s tough, I can’t hold down a normal job I did modelling for a few years but I was always so insecure with myself and never felt good enough and was taken advantage of by many of the model agents. It’s a corrupt industry. I wanted to be a nurse but I dropped out 8 weeks before graduating as I had a massive attack of anxiety and depression, at the same time my friends all deserted me because I wasn’t strong enough to celebrate their hen parties, and my boyfriend at the time cheated on me countlessly, beat me up he told me to take some pills and kill myself as well. I think that was my lowest time. I decided not to be in any relationships from then on, which was 2 years ago. Im just finding every day a struggle I love my daughter with every fibre of my being but sometimes I can’t parent, she has everything she needs but I just can’t emotionally cope, please think twice if youre depressed and want kids, because having a kid and depression makes you more lonely, it isolates you and puts so much expectations on you that can be so hard to handle. She is perfect and deserves a better mother than me, she even cuddles me and gives me love when I’m sad and I feel I don’t deserve her. My family is not a normal one, I’ve been homeless before and neither of my parents cared for me or even their grandchild I had to go and live with my abusive boyfriend because nobody would have me in their home, so I know I’m really alone. The only close friend I had 5 months ago cut me off completely unprovoked – I didn’t like that her boyfriend was treating her bad and this was enough to completely block me and throw me away after I’d been such a loving friend to her. Are we all too sensitive for this earth? I read a story once about a little boy who’s mum cut herself, and someone told him it’s because she’s an angel and she’s too sensitive for the earth, she just wants to go back to heaven where she can be away from the pain she feels from being on the earth, maybe we’re all too sensitive maybe we’re all special people not like others here- trapped in minds which are too fragile and sensitive – and wish for the world we knew before we were bought to this earth. Please the only thing that’s ever helped me is talking to angels. We all have them, just reach out to them. Love Blessings and prayers x

  85. Gill says:

    I don’t reach out to anyone …my brother and sister are close but I got the raw end of the deal being the youngest … I guess I’ve never felt good enough for them my dad doesn’t really acknowledge me …my marriage is a bit of a joke husband messages other woman … my best friend just stopped talking to me no reason nothing ..I’ve always tried to take care of my self never relying on anyone’s support just feel stuck and incredibly low .

  86. Ken says:

    WOW, what an awlful life. I never thought i be in this situation. My entire life was crappy and boring but i never experienced the feelings i do today. I dont have anyone in my life as of this moment. I never really had friends. I have no kids but was married for 15 years. My wife and i liked the way we lived. We made it the way it is today. The only problem is we never considered one of us dying at an early age. Of course that being my wife. I lost her 1 year ago March 23rd. She died from breast cancer. Ever since her passing it has been tough. Getting through the loss is still a struggle but the lonliness and depression is tearing me apart. I have no one to seek out on my side or her side of family. Her side are rude and high class and my side just dont give a crap. I sit here everyday and wonder how i can fix this but it always ends the same. I cant seem to break the routine i put my self in and its driving me insane. I tell myself im getting out and doing something for once. So far i must of said that 3or 4 times a week for the past 3 months . I have yet to do so. Every time i do get my foot out the door i get butter flies in my stomach. Not the good ones. I came close once and i always ask my self if i would of contined would it be different today. I decided to go have a drink thinking it might help but everytime i got to were i wanted i got scared. I was afraid to walk in because i thought everyone would start stareing at me because they never seen me there before. I must of went to 8 places never making it to the door. I never thought i be in a spot were i be afraid to go have a drink but some reason thats the biggest issue. I feel as this is it. I try to make the best of it but i feel this emptiness inside all day. Regardless if i make my self busy or not the feeling is always there. It causes me to get angry and feeling a lot of hate torwards myself. I lost all intrest and responsibility in life. I got my self in a mess and i always wonder if this is just the way 42 year old men feel like. I assume it comes with age. Maybe not the lonliness but everything else.

    • Bella says:

      Its not age. Its a lot of other extremely difficult life experiences and outcomes due to those experiences. First be kind and easy on yourself. So its been 3 months, you’ve been through a tremendous loss and the results of this loss are ongoing. Three months, 3 years…its not measured in a linear way using time. Emotions, habits, routines, thoughts, physical changes….not linear, all are in a whirling, twirling, spectrum. We try to control it with ideas like time and days. Its ok, you’re probably thinking, doing, feeling what most of us would be in this situation. Don’t be hard on yourself, be kind to yourself. If a very close friend were going through your loss and current feeling of darkness, surely you would reach out loving arms, kind and gentle words and a constant presence. So give that support to yourself. I think the constant presence is what you may be missing. Like that familiar old mailbox when you pull up to your house, or the same cashier at the local store. Only a good reliable presence at this time would best be served by a local support group. Pick a grief support group or a depression support group. You don’t have to belong to a church or other to participate in these groups.. Google and find a local meet-up with people who share loss and grief. They’re structured with support as the main framework. If nothing comes up ask around. When I lost my daughter, I turned into an ostrich (head in sand), and a clam, (closed-off), it was at about 3 months that I took the plunge and started seeking. I’m not there yet, (wherever “there” is), but I’m functional and good n bad days are 50/50 mostly. Its been 2 yrs and 2 months since the call she died in car accident. Everything changes…not better, not worse, just different and, very important, STAY in the MOMENT. That’s all we have. Books about it by Eckhart Tolle.

    • Kath says:

      Hi Ken . Do you have bereavement counselling groups in your country? We have them in UK and I feel you are grieving as you , should but could get help in a group of people in similar situations.
      You could try your nearest Baptist Church who I am sure will help.
      Thinking of you and may God Bless you in your situation.
      Uk Lady

  87. Louise says:

    I’m 56 and have baaad bipolar. I have alienated almost everyone close owing to being manic and according to them, abusive. I feel so utterly lonely now. I found much to relate to in all of your comments. I find it very hard to talk even to my own mother. I have a very problematic son who lives with her. He can’t stand me and blames and resents me for his problems. There isn’t anyone else he can really blame as his sperm donor was absent from conception onward and I never planned to have a child. I am so desperate and crave company but when I have it I can’t even talk. Thank all of you for sharing, I have read through the entire blog and comments. I feel worthless, and have been with worthless horrible men. I’m in bipolar depression at the moment.

    • Bella says:

      You’re not alone and remember this cycle will pass. Have you heard of SAMHSA? They help! Its substance abuse and mental health services administration. GOOGLE samhsa and put in your zip code for a local group. Plug in where people understand and have resources to help. I’m Praying for all with these struggles. Also, if we learn to quiet our minds and stay in the very present moment, we can overcome.

  88. jheylyn says:

    I’m a woman in my late 40s no husband, no kids, my mother died years ago and my father recently passed I have a sibling who’s very narcissistic and only cares about themselves and I have really no friends at all. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and major depressive disorder; I had no friends growing up through elementary or middle school some friends in high school, that ended after High School. I had a few so-called friends during and after college but I only ended up really being the tag along. I really had a hard time trying to make friends, I was never really a good judge of character. I usually ended up being either the tag along or people would just use me for whatever and then walk away. I’m seeing a therapist who tells me to join activities try new things but I still end up coming home to an empty house… feeling lonely all the time because I have no one to talk to… no one calls me or just hangs out. Growing up I was verbally and emotionally abused made to feel worthless and a failure and a loser. I’ve been working really hard to get over those feelings but it’s been hard made even harder when I have no one to talk to about it. Because of my depression and anxiety I’ve always had problems making connections with people I keep thinking it might get better but it never does; it is nice to know there are others that feel the same way and there’s somewhere that I can express my sadness. I hope one day things will change but right now just doesn’t feel like it will.

    • Cindy says:

      Jheylyn, I wrote a message on this board about a week ago. I’m revisiting this board because someone replied to my comment. I can’t believe how many of us that are in this same boat. I wish we could start some in person support group. Would be neat if we all lived in the same area. We could go out for coffee, plan outings, etc, to give us a reason to get out of this dark hole we are all in and get out tbere and just enjoy life with new-found friends. I hope you find some happiness, even if it’s just for today. ????

    • Debbie says:

      I feel the same. Another almost identical situation, here. I agree with Cindy. If only we could all connect!

    • Flair says:


    • Debbie says:

      I’m revisiting this message board because I am so tired of being without someone to talk to. I’m in my 40s, also, unmarried, straight, childless and I have so much in common with your story, more than any other post, here. I can be reached at InspireHope (at) mail (dot com)…but if you aren’t interested in corresponding, I open that invitation to anyone whose story is close to yours, along the same line. Take care and hugs to everyone.

    • Bella says:

      Many of us relate to the social anxieties of pre-adulthood. It doesn’t help that our peer groups were also pre-adult and didn’t possess the mature compassion and sensitivities that we needed to flourish. Now, into adulthood, we can take charge of those old hurts by closing a hard page on the painful chapters of childhood and early adulthood and move into a balanced, mature territory. There are many opportunities for connection with mature, caring, interesting people. May I suggest classes through your library, a book club, an art class at hobby lobby, meet-up groups with people who share your interests. The door is right in front of us to step through into new possibilities. The past is a noose that will drag us under with its weight. Cut loose from the past, behave your way to the person you envision! You’ve got this!!

    • Katie says:

      This is me exactly, but it is getting worse lately. I am married, but my husband and I barely get along. I have kids, but they have their own lives. I only speak to one sister, but sporadically. My mother has dementia. I had a similar upbringing, which I think damaged me and made it impossible for me to make friends. I think I live in an unfriendly part of the country and sometimes think I need to move away and start all over again.

    • Sheryl says:

      Reading your story, I swear, could have been written by me. I can’t believe It. Everything u wrote is the same thing I could of written. I hope u find the support u need and want.

    • Suz says:

      Wow, my story is pretty much identical to yours, only difference is that I’m 25 but I have this huge fear that I’ll end up alone when I’m old. I’m also an only child so once my parents are gone I’ll be completely alone. Everyone around me seems to have a happy life with friends to see, a significant other, and they all get to travel a lot while I have none of these things. And it doesn’t help that these people rub it in my face by posting about it on social media. I’m currently in pharmacy school now and I’m doing terribly, so I can’t support myself yet. Plus my family is financially struggling, so we don’t have any time for leisure or trips. My life has just been so sad and meaningless so far. My parents never really got along, my dad is distant with me while my mom is overbearing and verbally abusive. I’ve also been bullied pretty badly as a child so now I have self esteem issues. I always had trouble making friends and learning and social life has never come easy to me because of my attention problems. I’m so shy I create a distance with others to protect myself, which means I don’t have friends. To top that all off I’m failing in pharmacy school and live with my parents. I feel like a failure in every aspect of life, I can’t take this life anymore.

      I agree with all the other people who said that we should meet up and talk about this. I think it would bring us a lot of emotional healing. Do any of you guys wanna get on skype or something?

    • Ann Onymous says:

      jheylyn, you are not alone. I have had a life exactly like yours and many other ways a lot worse and here I m in my 60’s with no friends and no family and you know what I’m glad they’re not my friends and family when they don’t care a toss about me. I don’t look for friendship, I never did and I still don’t. I tell myself one day, one day, one day, but that day still eludes me. I’ll make someone a good friend. I’m honest, caring, compassionate and all the other qualities you look for in friendship and yes I may have set my sights high, but look what I got for setting the so low. jheylvn, you’ll meet your friend one day and she’ll be everything you deserve. Once day things will change if you take your time to change them and not be so trusting. Anyone would be glad for a friend like you. I know I would so hang in there.

    • Melanie says:

      I am similar to your post. Even though it’s been a while since you posted, I would be happy to message you. Hope all is well since your post.

  89. Tia says:

    I am a woman, in my mid-forties with treatment resistant depression/anxiety. I have nothing — no husband, no children, no friends, no career, very little unsupportive family, no money, no house. I have a car– and that is all I have.

    My ex-husband cheating on me throughout our marriage. He cheated again about 5 years ago and left me for the other woman after 20 plus years together. Which was just as well obviously. He didn’t care, let alone love me anyways. He was always just trying to find someone to replace me with so he didn’t have to be alone. The last person he cheated with — he is still with her and have had 2 children in that short time. They are getting married soon, and he seems happy.

    I am always alone. I haven’t dated– I never leave my house. I rely on my ex supporting me, which will run out in a couple years. I am in a downward spiral of severe depression and anxiety so crippling that I lie in my closet and cry. I have had depression/anxiety all my life. So I know I will never have another partner, let alone that anyone would love me.

    My life started out like a horror show. I was sexually and physically abused growing up by my bio father(who later committed suicide). My older brother sexually abused me as well. Today, I have nothing to do with my older brother or his family. All I have are my mom and stepfather, who are embarrassed that I cannot seem to be able to support myself and make a life. They have very little empathy and don’t understand Severe Mental Illness.

    Between my sexual abuse, lack of family, no friends, husband leaving me, I can say I have nothing — no one. There is so much more, but I will leave it at that.

    I don’t expect to live much longer. I will never be able to support myself. I don’t understand this world and I don’t get society and cannot function within it. I wish I could meet someone similar to myself, but never do. I am lost and I cannot and will not find my way again. I have no motivation and to be honest, I am just sick of life and living. I have had enough. Enough is enough. No more abuse, no more crying, no more fear, no more depression and anxiety. I don’t want to wake up in a panic of a new day. I only want peace. I don’t want to struggle to support myself and just get by living in worse poverty than I currently live in. I want peace to be with my best friend, my cat that died a few years ago. He was my soul mate in this life. I still cry for him holding his urn, and soon we will be together… in peace. No more struggle. I always knew I would die alone and unloved.

    • Cindy says:

      I’m feeling the same way right now. I Google “alone, lonely, no friends, depressed, suicide” a lot lately. I can’t stop crying or talking out loud as if some miraculous thing is going to happen to give me a “sign”. I just lie in bed bored and thinking I’m just a waste of space. I yell out loud while sobbing “I JUST WANT TO DIE” I have 2 adult kids that have taken advantage of me and could care less about me. I have a father (only person that I feel ever cared or loved me) who is sliding into dementia and an unemotional mean mother. I literally have nothing left to live for.

      • Debbie says:

        Hi, Cindy. My name is Debbie. Your story exactly mirrors mine (except I could never have children). I hope you revisit this message board because I am in almost the exact same boat. Same situation with my mom and dad, also.

        • Cindy says:

          I’m sorry Debbie. Wish you lived nearby so we could meet up for coffee and talk. I know some people don’t like to be around depressed individuals (even if they’re depressed themselves). At least I read a comment on this board regarding that. But I think it would help to lift each other up. I’m in AZ BTW.

          • Debbie says:

            Hi, again, Cindy. I’m in Missouri, unfortunately, but my narcissistic mother (who raised my sister to be a mini-me of her) treats me like I might as well live a thousand miles away, anyway. I can relate to you and other women on here, as well, and I wish there was a way to form a support group and all of what you suggested, to where we all can support each other, yet lift each other up and out of this.

      • Jessica says:

        Don’t give up sweetie

    • Joe says:

      Tia I don’t no what to say . I’m 52 but I do know how you feel because I too feel the same way . I’ve lost just about everything all I know is fear anxiety depression and loneliness. I too feel as if it’s just time to throw in the towel. But I keep hoping for tomorrow. The moment I open my eyes in the morning I amidiately know today will be no better. Father’s dead . only one that had any idea of what I’m going through. Everyone else has just given up on me . Pray constantly to my only friend, God. Who never answers back.the best would be for us to sit hold hands and just sit or talk. But that will never happen. There was a time were i felt I totally lost my mind and would never recover but I did. And now couple years later I’m back in hell. I pray for you.

    • Bella says:

      It helps me to “Get Out Of My Head”! We often go round and round with ourselves, our thoughts. All the negativity, pains, hurts, sadness and lonliness playing over and over truly destroying our esteem, our spirit. Picture it like a round running track and every step we take there’s a billboard with a sign naming our feelings and thoughts….loser, weak, afraid, don’t trust, give up, no one cares….etc etc… Well good news!! We can get off that endless, self-destructive track. Just walk off, stop the madness, stop the negative self-talk…get in the moment. This very moment that you have because truly, its all there “IS”. So, talk yourself through the moment and keep doing it until all the other chaotic thoughts fade…yes fade away! Like this: I’m going to make coffee now, going to get coffee off the shelf and put into the filter. I’m going to pour in some fresh cool water and set it to ON. I’m going to get my cup ready, open a sugar packet and sit quietly waiting for the pot to fill, while thinking about how completely blessed I am and how good the coffee smells.
      Ok…see it takes you away…you’ve walked off the chaos track. Eventually staying in the moment is “automatic” and it will just “be”. I pray this helps, I realize everyone situation varies but take from here what you can use and believe in yourself. I’ve been identically where you’re describing. The conscious act of staying in the moment is freedom from much suffering!

    • Linda says:

      I am so very sorry for your pain. Our lives sound very similiar and please know that you are not alone. I had a horrific childhood as well and am disabled, and the only positive light in my entire life has been animals whom I have always loved and sensed that they have such loving and pure hearts,unlike so many humans. I wish we could have a cup of tea and be friends, bc you sound like a very strong and good hearted person who , like myself, has been though a terribly unfair and challenging life. I admire you for your intelligence and ability to give love to another living being despite being treated so badly and surviving so much. so know that you are worthy and worth admiration for who you are and what you have survived, and for the love you are still able to show despite all of it. I also understand yearning for peace beyond the cruelty and harshness of this world. I send you and wish you comfort. <3

    • doug says:

      I am 44 and have lost everything and now I’ve been severely depressed the past few years. I lost a 20 Year trucking career with type 1 diabetes. now separated from wife of 18 years. she doesn’t believe in depression. I have no friends. my dad passed 2years ago. I haven’t been able to find a job with no experience. I live with my brother now and am totally isolated. I am paralyzed with depression and anxiety. I wake up and drink a glass of vodka. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore.

  90. Ash says:

    What did you do to finally
    Feel better?

  91. Tina says:

    Hii everyone I am depressed because I am lonely l have everyone around me but no one really cares about my problem they feel if you have a home you have clothes to wear and food to eat you don’t need anything else. But I want someone to understand me . I always listens to everyone’s problem and try to find solutions but when its my turn everyone just turns their back at me I am 28 yrs old woman and it feels like I have nothing in my life . I wasn’t like this before . I used to be a happy confident girl but now I am just blank most of the time I feel like I am a burden on others and I just want to go in some place where there is happiness there is peace and someone who will truely understand me. The most painful part is whom I love the most never understands me . They are just finding excuses to leave me. Well now I am not afraid of anything I don’t trust anyone I don’t expect anything from anyone its just I am doing formality with others as they are doing with me . I am all alone in this whole world no one loves me though I love them and doing things to make them happy I always put a fake smile on my face so that they stay happy .I have many names idiot looser donkey bitch etc but still I love them sometime even my own parents ask me to die and so as my love of life at least my friends don’t ask me to die . For the outside world I am a happy girl but from the inside I died just living a life with no one around . I wish if I could find an escape from this whole mess. At least you people will understand me I am fighting alone and believe me it’s very difficult to smile outside when you are crying inside .

    • dennis says:

      Tia ,i’d love to be able to communicate with you..I am i think beginning to go down that same path but not as far yet, and feel like maybe if we can share with each other that we can help each other ..

    • Daa says:

      I understand how you feel exactly I have a family and they are crap my real friends are dead or else this wouldn’t happen I got divorced 10 years ago which I could care less about because my ex is a cold-hearted person except she works in the court and manage to take my son after nine and a half years he is now 12 without him I look forward to nothing and I have no pleasure I own my own home my bills are paid I’m a handsome and shape gentleman used to travel with a world famous rock band my bills are paid and after having a million dollars in gold coin stolen by my mother I trust nobody the only thing I love is my son who’s all drugged up and my dog died it sounds like a country music song except every morning I wonder if I’m going to live another day I was a world-class athlete and I helped everybody I have no family I have no friends left and I have no love not one person that I can think of is alive that loves me I used to be so happy everyday was happiness now everyday is unbearable pain and a Loveless life

      • Helpless says:

        I feel exactly the same. I am attractive and very loving to all around me. I was born into the wrong family as a child completely abused /neglected and nobody helped me. I ended up getting married at 19 years old. My husband abused me and then my children began to abuse me as well. I didn’t finish school because I had to take a job at 15 in order to eat and get an apartment. Nobody helped me not even the school nor Dcfs came. I tried committing suicide and even the hospital dodmysend dcfs. I do not understand why my life is so bad.

  92. JB says:

    Hello lonely people,

    I was driven to this site and page like many others, because I myself am feeling lonely+depressed.

    Someone with whom I’m acquainted said, “I’m lonely. I work at night and none of my friends wants to hang out with me when I get off work.” I felt like telling her, “Ha! At least you have friends. The only thing you’d need to do to hang out with them is take a night off from work. Try walking a mile in MY shoes! Nobody, not even you, knows my name or anything about me, and nobody, ESPECIALLY you, cares about me!” Maybe this thought is familiar to you.

    Someone else with whom I’m acquainted said, “Connections are what keep people afloat.” And I concur. I believe that without any connections, without some form of love and warmth in your life, your life becomes meaningless. Because what’s the point of achieving any kind of success in a world full of strangers? Nobody to cheer for you, nobody with whom to share the spoils.

    I looked online, asked the internet god named Google what I should do about my predicament. I did this out of desperation, but depression robs you of drive, and drive is necessary to solve problems. It also makes well-meant suggestions smack of so much ignorance. “Learn to enjoy being alone? Go f*** yourself! That isn’t helpful! That doesn’t make me feel better! How dare you call that ‘advice’?”

    Then I come here, and I see a bunch of lonely people telling their stories. Now let me be honest: I don’t really want to be friends with people that are depressed and lonely. Some of you are inviting others to contact you and I don’t want to take you up on it because I think I stand a better chance at finding happiness by avoiding people that are miserable. And you’re all just as miserable as me, maybe even more so.

    I see a lot of people lamenting their own circumstances. Self-pity can only possibly invite commiseration, at best. I only know one person who really knows me and what I’m personally going through, and reading all your comments made me understand just how much of a black hole I am and why she, despite her deep (but not superhuman) level of love and patience, is now distancing herself from me. You can dump all the light and patience you have into a person that is a black hole and it will count for nothing. You tell them there is hope, and they don’t believe you. You spend time with them, and they bring you down. There’s no upside for anyone and faith is ultimately destroyed by despair.

    When a black hole invites you in, you say “NO WAY, NO THANKS!”. And then that person resents you for not being there for them, at the same time that they say, “I couldn’t blame them, as I wouldn’t want to be around me, either.”

    The lonely+depressed are short on compassion because their capacity for compassion is already spent in a cycle of self-pity. If one is lucky, they have things/people/experiences for which they can be grateful, and gratitude combats self-pity. If one’s vision is askew, gratitude becomes difficult. Fighting self-pity and depression while in the midst of loneliness and isolation is an uphill battle, to say the least. Asking someone who is fighting this battle for themselves to help you fight yours, I think, is ill-advised.

    So here’s what I’ve realized, and I hope it helps someone. The way you are right now, you’re definitely going to die alone. You’re going to die, because depression kills, very slowly. It takes everything from you, most importantly the will to live on. And you’re going to be alone when it happens, because you’re toxic and nobody wants to breathe in your poison, so they will stay a safe distance away. So if you’re going to die, if your life is going to end, along with all your miserable painful circumstances, why not choose to end your life on your terms? NO, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT SUICIDE. I am talking about discarding almost all the elements of your life and beginning anew. Are you addicted to drugs, or a crappy relationship, or a limiting belief? Die unto those things, and do something different. If you’re at a low enough point that you don’t care what happens next, try to use that to your advantage rather than walking out in front of traffic. Go be uncomfortable in an environment that is new, and that offers new opportunities or experiences. Go suffer without old trappings and see what comes of it. Quit smoking or drinking and get the shakes, and love it. Wear your pain like a badge of courage, because dying in this way, without any promise of sweet repose, takes some real f**king courage.

    Take a serious detour in that dark tunnel. There hasn’t been any light at the end of it for so long, can’t you believe there won’t be any light if you keep stumbling in the same direction? Your sweetheart doesn’t matter. Your crappy selfish kids don’t matter. Your job doesn’t matter. Your life doesn’t matter. Because your life sucks. So die unto it, burn your bridges, and go looking for light in a different direction. Don’t look for it inside yourself, or your own life. You already know that’s empty. Look for it in the lives and hopes of others. Find a class to join, or a project to work on, a soup kitchen to volunteer in, or anything else with an endeavor made by others in a group, but not for the sake of any one individual in that group. There’s a reason to live, somewhere in there.

    That’s my unsolicited, unprofessional advice. It is starting to work for me. Maybe it will for you, as well.

    Good luck, stranger.

    • Brit says:

      Thank you for your post. The honesty was something I couldn’t have come across anywhere else. The truth hurts sometimes and hopefully I can apply it to my sh**ty little pity party. Best of luck.

    • Flair says:


    • Flair says:


    • Bella says:

      Love it!

    • Digusted says:

      Really ? you want nothing to do with anyone on this board because they are too miserable ???? Well that s a huge contributing factor as to WHY this suffering continues. We are not all toxic. In fact I can be quite a lot of fu . I don’t dump on people but my life is a big black hole. Texting as a way of communicating has done a huge amount of harm in society in my opinion.

      I hope you find some people you feel are worthy of you and not a bunch of losers . Saying the shit you said for the most part is what keeps us hiding and actually being respectful to people we know because we do not want to keep weighing them down.

      I get what you’re saying about dying to this and that and changing your life BUT if we were capable of doing that wouldn’t we have already done it ?!?!


    • Anonymous says:

      I’ll have to agree with you. I have been alone my whole life and know I will continue to be alone. I had a very uncaring family and have no friends. I have been a free spirit all my life and did amazing hobbies and profession until I was 55. Kept busy, got multiple degrees, raced my horse in endurance rides for 12 years and martial arts for 6. Now on disability from falling apArt, I have moved out in the country and have my horse, a goat whose life I saved, chickens, a cat and dog. I have done the max to escape depression and anxiety- antidepressants, counseling, gave myself to God. It really helps me, and I still go through depression but not for long. I save animals and take them if they need homes, I volunteered at a free medical clinic. All this gives me a purpose and living out in the country has gotten me away from toxic people. (Aren’t most people???!!). I don’t rely on people for anything and have decided that the only pure love I can count on is from animals And God! It really helps to just have acceptance.

  93. Nobody says:

    I’m 28 yr old woman. I have never been good at or interested in making friends, … I was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder years ago and just never believed it. As a consequence I don’t have any friends and haven’t “hung out” with anyone in a few years. I have lived a nomadic life having moved over 30 times, and I assume that just adds to the lack of interest in socialisation because everything is so temporary.
    I have two chronic pain illnesses that keep me from working or socialising. I’m not attractive, I recently became overweight because of a new medication, and I’m running out of my savings and will soon be homeless.
    I have a boyfriend of a year, who does not have any sexual desire for me. He keeps me around I think because he does not want to be alone.
    The only thing keeping me from killing myself is my mother who lives far away. She loves me but also is socially distant with people (I inherited the type/life from her). She had a hard life and my brother is a difficult and narcissistic person who I don’t think would take care of her. I really want to end my life though. The constant physical and emotional pain just isn’t worth it. If my sweet mother was to die tomorrow I would find a way to die the very next day.

    • Hi. I am alone, at home ALL the time. I was reading your post and wanted to reach out to you. Let me tell you this…you are a child of God. You ARE someone special. I am 46yo and have been a widow since I was 36yo. My husband was killed in the line of duty and I was left with 3 beautiful girls to raise. Well…I didn’t do so well with the death. I became severely depressed , multiple hospitalizations for depression, malnutrition and later developed substance abuse. I struggle so damn hard and cannot see a way out. It sucks. You are not alone.

    • Hopeithelps says:

      If you’re reading this, just know that your life has worth no matter how crappy it may be right now. Everyone’s life has worth because I know you weren’t put on this Earth to go out like that: alone and depressed. Just think about the odds of you even existing right now. Probably every single event in history had to have happened, in the exact way without compromise, for you to be here right now. You’re a miracle. We all are, and this means that you matter. Always persevere, go out of your comfort zone, try something new, but never forget how special you are. You want something in life? Take it. The only thing that’s stopping you is yourself, and even though I might not know any of you, I know that if you want it bad enough, you can do it. I know how corny that sounds, but it’s true.

      I hope this helps you.

  94. dennis says:

    I’m also very depresse5:05 PM 1/11/2018
    I realized a long time ago that people don’t have the desire to meet people or to make new friends..I hung out on a regular every night basis at many places including coffee shops and various other places for the past several years..i realized aftera short while that people just don’t go out to make friends.They instead ,go out WITH their friends but don’t have any interest in meeting others. I searched my personality online and found that i’m an ultrasensitive or hypersensitive person..and as a straight guy that isn’t to my advantage when trying to make friends or meet people in general. most people are extroverts and not in the least bit shy or inactive. i’m more comfortable sitting at home watching music videos or watching an 80’s movie than out at the club drinking. my idea of hanging out is sitting at Denny’s with my coffee and laptop or sitting and relaxing staring out the window at the freeway.I’m an all night person and i sleep days..disabled from employment by anxieties and a sleep disorder(delayed sleep phase disorder) i enjoy the A.M. side of life,between 5pm and 9am..As you can imagine,it’s more than impossible to find a friend to hang with those hours. I found that being awake part of the day doesn’t find me any friends any moreso than being awake all night and sleeping days..people work in the days.the only time they’re sipping coffee in public is during their lunch break..and they certainly aren’t looking to meet people on their should be easier at night because that’s when the lonely people and strange-oids come out to roost and just about every coffee shop gets a percentage of that..But the only lonely people i’ve met in the wee hours fall in to one of these categories.. 1.Gay or 2.Drug addict or 3.Person that probably just robbed Walmart or 4.dysfunctional person that has more baggage than i do on my worst day that needs nonstop 24/7 psychiatric therapy beginning immediately. or 5.The normal person just getting off work or on their way to work but definitely not interested in meeting anyone to make a friend of.

    part of my being supersensitive is i enjoy the night,the sky the stars and am of the nature that i love to discuss life in that manner..Discussing the feelings on the inside of the person as opposed to superficial topics of someone’s job or kids,etc..i’m obsessed by the Christmas season,the 80’s and music videos of the 80’s and 90’s,CB radios,the bible,daily life and emotions of the 2010’s compared to the 1980’s.. and just hanging out..not many people even care about those things as i do.i like to discuss the things that most people don’t think about or think about.guys would cal some of my discussions gay cause they’re personal and sensitive..Unusual for a guy to talk about.I had a best (male) friend for over 20 years and he and i would hang out every night discussing deep stuff about life and feelings and people..that friend isn’t around anymore,as an unfortunate accident occured.and no we’re not gay.just not macho and arrogant ..Unfortunately most men these days are quite macho and aggressive.i haven’t met anyone since him that i can call a best friend.i spend my time when at home watching a lot of tv as i have a Roku i watch shows like Sliders,Once Upon A Time,Blindspot,The Good Place,Agents of Shield and even old stuff like the the Rifleman and The Rockford Files and Home Improvement(Tim Allen)..My biggest obsession is 80’s music videos then the Christmas season,in that order.I love the cold’s romantic.I suppose lonliness accounts for my rambling on here about my interests.I guess i’m hoping somebody identifies.Anyway,my email address is djteel and i use so put the two together and that’s my addy djteel at mail dot com..don’t know if i type it normally that it’ll be accepted here.well,i’m alone again tonight..lonely..sitting here watching tv by important thing i learned about people.they don’t make friends if they know or think you aren’t employed.anyway..i have a lonely night ahead as me if you want.i’d appreciate it actually. d and have no friends.

  95. Star says:

    I don’t have any friends to reach out to.

    • Sara says:

      Hi I’m 44 and so isolated from the world due to depression and anxiety . I have no friends.two children who lead their own lives and a partner who doesn’t care.

      • Anthony says:

        My mom was depressed really bad!. To the point where it made her want to die for years and years, after we found her almost dead once she turned her life around and loved it too the fullest. But it was also a deep regret she was burdened with! She accepted it and moved on in big ways…. Point being Sarah til we do everything in our power to accept things for what they are, and strive to empty all the pockets to pull out every trick in order to say ” I’ve done everything I can do” ( be it body image, attitude, faith, etc.) After you do it all you can finally say I give up this is out of my control. It helps to have people who are positive though!

      • Luke says:

        Dude…im 47 ..a male…i have 4 kids 2 of which I haven’t seen in ten years..the other two don’t see me much..i also am in a relationship.with a woman who doesn’t care about me on a level she should..i just stay in the relationship and accept blame for everything..because I would have absolutely nobody if she was broke and unemployed except for side jobs here and there..i don’t own anything not even a car or bank account don’t even have any identification..horrible credit…in one he’ll of a midlife crisis depression..been depressed all my life…been in trouble with the law since I was 13…ive been an alcoholic since 13 drug addict since the same time..i have no hope for the future..i know life has nothing to offer me now but sadness and misery..and I’ve known since I was a child I will die buried in a pulpers grave..nobody will come to my funeral or even care or probably even notice I’m gone..ive always tried to be a good person…i do not lie…cheat…or steal…i have high morals compared to what I see in other people..but somewhere along the line I failed miserably at everything …i don’t even have a single friend that I can say is an actual caring friend..i do have a few fair weather friends I guess u could say..but the relationship ends when there is no gain involved for either side…only called upon when one or the other serves a purpose…i do not believe in a god because I struggled a long time confused over that one and at this point in my life have found the truth and don’t have time to put faith into make believe…or wishing upon an invisible man in the sky..when I have the daily fight for survival…to eat…find a way to supply my cigarette habit ..and whatever else I need to barely make it thru the day..i live on about $15=20 a day..i honestly don’t know how or why I’m still alive..i don’t really want to die..but do feel my life is over..and it’s just a matter of waiting for death to come..i don’t have any teeth left all are rotted and broken and I’m in misery daily trying to eat ..and end up in the emergency room at least four or five times a year with dental abcesses..for antibiotics..i cannot afford a Dentist or doctor and if somehow I could I couldn’t afford a prescription to get help with my teeth or depression..ive approached many people…professional or private…begging for help..not a handout..and I found there is no help…my life is miserable…and sad…i think back to when i was a child so hopeful…and positive minded…and still am for the most part all things considered…i will do anything for anybody…i will give the shirt off my back if someone needed it….i have zero hope…and zero answers my friend….i can’t remember a time when I was actually happy….or proud….or felt a feeling of accomplishment….but somehow I still manage to go on another day …and manage to keep the shotgun barrel out my mouth just for today….and don’t know why….just thought I’d share….to let you know your not alone my friend…i feel your pain..and wish you the best…and hope your life can somehow turn out amazing….but I’m sure if your like me….you sure don’t expect it too…good luck…

        • H. says:

          @Luke, friend – thank you for writing down your story. The part about ‘being so hopeful as a child’ broke my heart.
          If things are so hopeless – why not leave everything, go and start anew? There are shelters and people who could help you start afresh. It’s not too late; better now than 10 or 20 years from now.
          I am thinking of you and wishing you all the best whetever you are.

    • Connie says:

      Hi Sara-my name is Connie. I am 56 years old. I just went through my second divorce which I didn’t want. I have a 27 year old son struggles with anxiety panic attacks and agoraphobia Etc who lives with me and the stress a living with an older stepson is primarily what drove my husband away. My daughter has put me in Exile for the past 2 years for reasons I don’t understand. She has not let me see my young grandsons who were the light of my life. I just had to move out of my home of 10 years and into to a much smaller house using all of my 401k. This divorce has devastated me financially and emotionally. All my friends are married and have their own lives. I’m attending a new church but have not met any single people yet. And everyone seems to have loving sons and daughters that take care of them. My son is very negative and has an anger problem so I have no way to get away from it as he still lives with me. I’m sitting here alone in my bedroom. I cry almost every night and every morning. I have absolutely no emotional support from anywhere. I have a dog and a cat. I just had to put down one of my dogs and one of my cats died shortly after I moved. Truly wish I did not have to go on living. People don’t understand what real loneliness is and how depressing it is. Together they are paralyzing. I wish we could help each other. I don’t know how much longer I can cope with this. My son and I spent Christmas and New Year’s alone. The only thing that has kept me going this long is trying to have faith in God’s word. I hope that both our situations improve. I’m here if you would like to talk.

    • Ann Onymous says:

      Star, you do have friends to reach out to and all of them at here. Right now for you. Remember that.

  96. Maria says:

    I’m in a similar boat. I’m 50, have health issues that make it difficult to work, be active and participate in many things. I don’t have a car, no matter New (husband has us in serious debt) no friends, no family (other than teen child and husband). My parents died young, Not one person to talk too. I spend most days curled up in a chair crying. My marriage isn’t good. My husband is selfish and knows my doctor has the told me to do certain things to try and bring my problems in check, but I can’t do it alone. He doesn’t care. I really don’t have any purpose to wake up other to care for my teen. I don’t know what to do.

  97. Declan says:

    No matter what I do I’m unhappy. I do things to please others against my better judgment for fear of what they might think. Even though “they” the people I consider apart from my immediate family do nothing for me. I have one good friend that lives an hour away from me but even still we never really see each other. I try to get involved in things but I’m always overlooked no matter how I try. I make effort, make contact with “friends” and try to get a relationship going but nothing happens unless I make it happen, nobody ever reaches out to me first and says “hey you wanna hang out?” Or wanna come with me/us to do this etc… I stayed in college doing a degree I didn’t even want to do to lead to a career it turns out I’m not interested in and now I’m thousands of miles away from home on a graduate visa paying rent, paying for flights, applying for jobs I don’t even want because of that same reason of what people might think and because I’m paralyzed in the moment to go and do what I want to do because I’m too afraid. I get anxiety attacks, I can’t bring myself to leave the room I’m renting, I’m bored, I’m alone, I can’t put myself in situations to meet new people I can’t even walk up to a girl without being drunk because I have zero self confidence anymore and if it weren’t for how I care for how it would devastate my parents, I like the idea of not being around anymore in this prison of my own skin.

    • C says:


      You are not alone in your predicament, although knowing this doesn’t really give much relief. I am going through something similar. Not in the thousands of miles from home, but the rest, yep, that’s my prison as well. It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Just can’t seem to convince myself to love myself, or even like myself. If we can’t accept ourselves for who we are and truly be proud of who we are, how can we excpect that from anyone else. We won’t believe anything they say unless it matches our own skewed image of ourselves. I believe other than support from those who can truly empathize, therapy, hell maybe even hypnosis, there’s not much we can do to change our thoughts. We require validation, and without someone to talk to, that can offer kind words and maybe some advice, we have to rely on our faulty minds. It’s not you physically that has the issue with the world, it’s your mind lying to you, telling you to be afraid. We may be total strangers but we are all in this together and should try to help each other any way we can.

  98. Raina5 says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel sad often because I feel so alone in this life, and feel like I have no friends. I have been divorced for 13 years, and spent many of those years raising my children. My oldest is 26 now and he is disabled. I care for him and work freelance from home. I have two lifelong friends who both live across the country, and I am very close with my sister who lives very far from me too. I am close with my children, and I have a few very surface connections locally. Nothing ever seems to progress beyond a casual superficial aquaintance-ship. I am in my 50s. A lot of things in life bring me a lot of joy and I feel gratitude for many things too, but there is a deep dark gnawing of loneliness that lives inside me and follows me everywhere I go. When I read this, “One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt. It’s so strange to imagine that this could have been such a common occurrence, but it was. I stopped myself from reaching out because I “knew” these friends wanted to have nothing to do with me.” that you wrote above, it hit such a strong chord of recognition for me. I thought, “That is it!”. And despite living a fairly isolated life, with caring for my son and working from home, I know that the other big reason for my alone-ness is this very pervasive feeling and belief that nobody would want to be my friend anyway. That makes me really sad. But it is what I believe. Reading this article makes me wonder if I am, in fact, depressed. I never thought of myself that way, and maybe I’m not in a clinical sense, but more in a situational sense. I have recently tried to focus more on my blessings, and on being a blessing to others, and that helps me stay on track mentally, and not focus so much on the connections I crave, but lack. Thanks for listening, and may grace light our footsteps in this sometimes dark world.

  99. Sergey says:

    I hope people find ways to support each other and make meaningful connections based on common grounds like hobbies, views of the world, personalities, life lessons. In fact – this is what my website is about – is for discovering real friend. I hope you’ll like it and become a happy person by befriending like-minded participant.

  100. Ashleigh says:

    Help please someone tell me it gets better… I’m 31 I have no life, no friends, not ones that are around anywhere. My only serious relationship was over two years ago and was abusive in every way. I’m on the waiting list for help from the NHS but I don’t trust it’s ever going to get better for me, I’ve felt like this, lonely empty and hopeless for over a decade, I really have nothing left, no coping skills left, please someone tell me it will get better soon

    • V says:

      It WILL be better soon.

    • B says:

      Ashleigh, people tell me the exact same thing, “it will get better soon”. And I respond just how you have, “I wish I could believe that”. Because so many of us have gotten to the point where we have lost hope. Because we don’t see much of a way out and probably go through these horrible cycles where we try very hard, don’t seem to get anywhere, and overall we feel like we just don’t fit in with society and all of its demands and expectations. I became divorced 2 years ago, lost all 3 of my children and am lucky to see them once a year. Over 40, no friends, pay a ton in child support and stuck living in parents basement; I have thought of suicide many many times. Because I feel empty, withdrawn and don’t even have a clue about how to start over again. I can see people don’t like me much, even if I try my hardest to not be self absorbed in my own issues. I seem to be trapped in this cycle, where depression and years of social isolation and lack of social skills prevents me from making any friends. Almost everyone I know at my age has a wife, kids, family and so many things going for them. All I do is work and I have no hope that I will ever have a better life again like I once had. The society we live in has become ultra-judgmental and has no tolerance for those of us who struggle with depression and have little friends/not much of a life. There seems to be no place for us here, so we are left not even wanting to try at all anymore.

      • Patricia says:

        What helps me when i feel as you do?
        Most importantly, make an appointment with a mental health service. I have found that I can’t “think myself out of depression.” I fought medication at first, now I am prescribed meds from a reputable Psychiatrist. With my medication I have the ability to do things that are valuable to me. Activities that make my life interesting. There are various mental health groups through churches and libraries, book clubs, etc. I simply look for things that may interest me. I swim at the YMCA where I meet lots of happy people. I have a therapy dog who visits sick people in hospitals and nursing homes. Children read to “Mary Min Pin” at libraries. Many things to do and thereby I meet nice people yet I wouldn’t be capable of anything if my depression was not managed properly. I hope this helps. I’m not always jumping for joy, that’s why I’m on this site today. But the feeling of sadness passes especially if I move a muscle, change a thought. Holidays are not the greatest for me, yet they pass, too. I try to do for others this season which helps to get me out of my head! My gratitude list is due now, helps me start the day! Hope you have some fun & happiness in your life today!????and now for some coffee to go with that list!

        • Ashleigh says:

          Thank you Patricia, I’m trying every day to believe that I will have the life I’ve dreamed of. Was doing OK last week and this week, however today feeling a little frustrated with how damn slow it all is. Still waiting for therapy, waiting lists are fatally slow here, and have been ill this week so not surprising I’m a little low and unmotivated. But what’s the alternative?
          B, I’m so sorry you are having to go through this right now, and I wish I had the insight to tell you it gets better. It has to right? The only thing I know is that nothing good just comes to you, you have to force yourself to go out and find it, no matter how damn hard it is, how much I feel it doesn’t exist, or that I don’t believe it myself…but even if it is just a simple hobby or sports group to get started, to get the best out of life you need to be the best version of yourself, and for no one but yourself. Thats my motivation, no matter how hard it is to do. X

  101. molly says:

    I’m amazed I’m not the only person who feels this way. I have been depressed my entire life. I grew up being bullied and beaten up. This was the beginning of when it started in elementary. I told my parents and they didn’t do anything except say if I lost some weight people would like me more. I realized their materialistic and narcissistic. I had a half brother and a half sister. Neither of them were close to me because I wasn’t good enough to be able to have a relationship with. My brother attempted to kill himself and eventually I did as well. Recently my dad passed away and I was a daddy’s girl. After this happened I decided to move in with my mom to help her out, I have a daughter now and I am a single mom. My mom is completely unstable and can’t handle being alone. I tried to help her through this hard time but it got to the point where it was extremely toxic. I’ve always been told I’m the problem so I’m on antidepressants and I’ve gone to counseling. It got to the point where I had to move out and I moved in with the one person who I could rely on. After awhile I moved put got my own place landed a great job but I’ve completely lost all touch with my family because I couldn’t live with my mom anymore. I was my dad’s only real child. It took my mom two months to move on to her new boyfriend who is a price of shit and it’s still seen as my fault. I’ve been depressed for a long time and I have no friends. Even the cousin I thought I could rely on no longer wants to talk to me because I’m so negative all the time. I hate my life and if I wasn’t a mom I wouldn’t be here. My family sucks and I hate this time of year. Ive decided I’m going to stay home alone and let my daughter go to her dad’s family this year because I don’t want to put people through the huge conflict of being in the same room as me. I just wish there was a way to get out of this spot I feel like nobody cares. I talk with then when they have problems but no one can talk me through mine Thanks for reading if you did and sorry to complain so much I just really don’t know what to do anymore

    • Ashleigh says:

      Hey Molly, I can relate, I’ve never been truly happy, and that saddens me even more so to my core. My life wasn’t great due to mental health issues from the age of 21ish. Long story short I met the person I thought was it for the rest of my life at 26,…turned out he was the most abusive, cruel, twisted soul destroying man I’ve ever met, he was physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive in every way. I managed to leave after three years of him two years ago, and I’m still terrorized by it now. I haven’t been able to have a relationship since, I feel totally broken and worry I’ll never be able to again. That’s such a lonely thought, I wish I could offer you some proof that things get better x I’m 31, alone, lonely, broken, no children and don’t really see the point to life. It’s too cruel

  102. Gloria says:

    i used to hear a saying “the nature of life is loneliness”. I have been in loneliness for very long time. i have family and some so-called friends, but i can never tell them what i really feel and what i went through in life. As for my family, my parents are only there to blame me and judge me. Especially my mum, when i sometimes told her little about some problems of mine, she burst out and the conversation ended with her shouting and blaming. i regret of talking to her after that. My dad is also a similar story, so i can never share my true feeling with my family.

    As for so-called friends, they don’t really care about what happened in your life unless your story gives them some entertainment. They might pretend to listen but within their heart, they are laughing at me and maybe secretly saying “oh, I’m much better than her, and she is so stupid and dumb.”

    I don’t trust the people surrounding me. Why should I tell my privacy to someone who doesn’t care? That’s why everyday I put on the mask and live in the fake way. I pretend I’m alright coz I don’t want them to feel I’m weak or stupid. I feel shamed if they know my life problem. So, day by day, I just pretend and wear mask… I feel terribly lonely from within. I cry alone and keep all my feelings within myself, and that sometimes gives me heart ache and abnormal heart beat. Sometimes, I wonder why such a big world but not a single person we can talk to. Maybe that’s why they say the nature of life is loneliness…

  103. Chris says:

    Ive always had friends, but am as alone when Im with them as I am whem Im not. I looked at the call history of my cell phone last night and since feburary, only one person has called me, besides customers and the occasional scammer. I quit social media in feburary and it’s like I deleted myself as well. No one contacts me unless I make the first move. I have no family, I’m 45 and have never been married. My depression has destroyed my life past the point of no return.

    It dawned on me last night that I could hang myself out in the woods and none of my friends would know until they saw it on the news, which could be weeks, or months later.
    I’m tired of always hurting and having no one care, unless THEY suddenly need someone to talk to. Then I’m ‘Fantastic’ and ‘Amazing’ and as soon as they start feeling better then the response times between texts gets longer and suddenly we can never seem to be able to meet up anymore.

    I’m just don’t want to hurt anymore. No matter what I do, I always end up being the anonymous zero with anyone in my life. I’ve never been good enough to keep any Woman interested in me putting a ring on her finger.

    Now I’m 45 and I have no chance at meeting someone and having kids, and careerwise, I’m so far behind my peers, their adult kids are even ahead of me.

    It’s the same story no matter what I do. If I’m fat or thin. Wealthy or poor. The problem is me. All I have to offer is me and it’s never been good enough for anyone.

    I just want someone to care about me enough to show me how to fix myself instead seeing what a failure I am and pretend I don’t exist.

    But all I can see is the rope hanging on the branch offering to take me to where I won’t hurt anymore.

    • Cat says:

      You sound very much like me, all my friends are gone and I don’t know why. No one ever calls me unless I call them. Please don’t do anything stupid, it isn’t something you can ever take back, and even though it may not feel like it, I’m sure you would leave a hole in someone’s heart

    • Faith says:

      I hope and pray that you are still on this earth…. Everyone gets depressed some more severe than others but there is help out there but to want to end your life is not cool. God will take you when its your time. Hell I’m depressed I feel like my life is heading no where, I’ve lost the love of my life and I have lost so much more. I’ve totally screwed up my life but only I can fix it and that is exactly what I’m going to do. I don’t have a lot of friends but that’s my choice and my best friend seems to be caught up in other things and really the only time she calls me the majority of the time is because she wants something. My other close friend well she has been there for me and I am thankful. As bad as I feel my life is I don’t want to end it. I have to believe there is a purpose for me. I struggle everyday to stay strong and so many times I want to give up but I can’t and won’t. I hope that you find yourself and I will keep you in my prayers and hope you will do the same.

    • Kate says:

      I’m not entirely sure what kind of depression I have, but I do know that loneliness has been mixed in big time. I’ve been so utterly friendless for so long, that I even ‘enjoyed’ arguing with someone a couple of weeks ago, because it made me feel something towards another person. I even laughed about it actually, and oddly enough I think I felt happy for a day or so afterward.

      Although this story is kinda sad… it’s also given me hope. It made me realise that just being alive – to experience anything and everything – is worth it. The only reason why we feel sad is because of our limited perspective. We can’t always remember that we’re lucky to just be witness to all this *waves hands around*. Human connection is something most of us need and crave, and of course it’s going to hurt when we don’t get it… but I would rather experience that pain than not be here at all.

    • Mar says:

      So many of us have such similar stories.

  104. A lowlife person says:

    God and Jesus abandoned me, he abandoned animals in the slaughter and people who are bullied. Nothing changed nothing happened. Life is almost over, nothing is happening.

  105. Anna Marie says:

    i have to say I’m so grateful for this thread…to realize it isn’t just I am this one solitary dot on the outside of the circle of rest of world just a abberation biological mistake floating alone in the universe is comforting and has helped me feel not as ashamed and abnormal…that is a blessing a glimmer of hope? maybe? it doesn’t solve my issue but at least I am not as full of self hatred and shame….anyone in Maine or anyone who’d like to email please do contact me! thank you all for sharing and putting into words all the things I alone was a freak for thinking it’s a human condition it’s horrible and so lonely isolated I feel connected to something now because of this thread all of you. below is what I posted couple months ago and still stuck more tragic life events occurred but I am still here struggling

    omg I am in same situation 45 divorced 17 years in successful career now on disability, moved out of apartment and city after 16years same place back to hometown losing all social connections now isolated never leave apartment no friends no family support it feels like there is nothing to look forward to that I lived my life already no dreams to hope for, not in situation to meet guys I fear I’m destined to be alone rest of my life that love is out of reach the idea of being alone without love in my life just makes life seem pointless and truly alone and lonely it makes me feel like a failure and ashamed that this is where I am after all the possibilities and potential I ended up a failure. I feel so isolated and frustrated and hopeless I look in the mirror and I’m ashamed I feel so ugly who’d want a middle aged failure you used to be…now you’re not … itemized list if loss . i don’t know how or where to begin or have even motivation I don’t see possibilities so can’t strive with no goal . Financially in debt after divorce, on disability so quality of living is bare minimum no frills no extra and have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder PTSD from traumatic childhood not a forefront issue but shaped who I became I am so depressed and hopeless life feels like burden not blessing . I live in a small town no transportation in rural community so making friends is difficult meeting a guy near impossible I just live thru TV shows and cigarettes watching other people live lives on tv and going to drugstore convenience store basically is my community /interaction and thankfully two cats are at least some source of affection and comfort . I want a life love friends motivation and inspiration a goal or dream to pursue and acheive feel successful and satisfied intellectually and spiritually to feel confident feel attractive have good self esteem which I have none right now . not where I thought I’d be at 45. I would love any advice or help I need a miracle . If anyone can offer help any advice anything I would be so grateful I live in Maine in case someone is in my neck of woods though originally from Louisiana thanks

  106. ChiiSoku says:

    I’m a 33 year old female and I have no friends and it has been that way for a long time. I opened a facebook account with hopes of keeping up with old friends and family and a month went by and the only notifications I got were from facebook so I deleted it. I have tried dating sites for years with hopes of meeting someone even a friend and I’ll find someone and then shortly they just stop talking to me. At this point I had to stop and take a look at myself and I have came to the conclusion that I’m meant to be alone. Everyone has a place in this world and sometimes your place in life is to be alone. So what I have done to help with my depression and loneliness is I educate myself. I read and learn about things that I know nothing about. I’m currently going to college to be a nurse ( late bloomer) so this really helps me get my education fix. I have suffered from depression and have ADHD and OCD for as long as I could remember and I have spent days lying in bed or staying home and not doing anything. Don’t wait for someone to pull you out of your slump because that person may never come around. You have to help yourself. You have to learn to do things by yourself and once you accomplish that, life just seems so much easier.

  107. A lowlife person says:

    I have no friends, I am socially akward my parents don’t get me and I am depressed, I am behind school and it is hard to catch up. I am sick of hearing be patient or never give up hope. I have heard it all. Not many people know I am depressed. My parents took away what kept me happy, horse back riding and my horses and my pets and animals. I have been crying myself to sleep and have been cutting myself. idk what to do anymore. I am only 13

    • Megan says:

      Hi. My name is Megan, and I wanted to reach out to you because I suffer from somewhat the same as you. I just turned 25 August 27th. And I am socially awkward as well, very much anti-social. I have no friends. I push them all away because all they do is use me. And just aren’t the right people I should be around due to their maturity levels. My mother and father are divorced and I don’t speak to my dad. My mom is there, but I tend to push her away. Lately I have been avoiding everything and everyone. I’ve lost my jobs. And just stay home all the time. It drives me insane, but I’m use to it now. I just want to let you know to stay strong. You aren’t alone when it comes to feeling this way, I physically hurt myself as well. I punch walls, throw things end up breaking stuff, and hurt myself. It’s my coping mechanism when things get really out of hand for me, I get so angry because I’m hurting inside and no one seems to understand. I just wanted to reach out and let you know that maybe we should become friends and help each other through this. We could be pen pals. I can leave my e-mail for you and maybe you wouldn’t mind replying. Xoxo, take care. Feel better. Remember you’re not alone. And they always say things do get better. ♡
      Megan M.

      • Anthony says:

        I would hope they get better. Breaking stuff is not good. I’m going to be a millionaire in the next few years. Then at least I can afford to break stuff everyday. It won’t mean anything other than I got money to be messed up with. That’s the root of this evil I worked so hard for I get to be messed up forever!

      • A lowlife person says:


      • Janel says:

        Hi, I just want to say I also feel your pain. I turned 28 years old this past September and it’s been the worst yet of my life. It started out on a high point where I thought all my dreams were going to come true. I had a good paying job, was paying off my student loans, my boyfriend of 8yrs alluded to the fact that we were getting married that year, and I could finally see myself accomplishing my goals. A month later I lost all my friends. They just ghosted me and whenever I try to talk to them they seem annoyed. Whenever I make plans they disappear but when they make plans I’m expected to show up, or I don’t get invited at all.

        I’m also tired of fake people. My mom has made it clear she wants nothing to do with me unless I’m successful and make her look good, and my dad is on and off with attention he shows me and listens to whatever my mom says. My boyfriend couldn’t commit even though he constantly made promises and excuses. My quality of life went downhill, my job was a huge source of stress. I had panic attacks and wanted to commit suicide. I told my boyfriend this, he said to do what makes me happy. I quit and immediately felt better, but then my family and boyfriend started to distance themselves. I could tell they weren’t the same to me. I felt like no one loved me anymore and I couldn’t trust anyone. My worth was only in how much money I made and what I did, so I went and got a job so I could get out of the house but it was only part time.

        People were only there for me when they can get something out of it. When I really needed someone to lean on they all disappeared and couldn’t be bothered. The one person I thought was my best friend, my partner in life, my home, deserted me and treated me like dirt, but still used me for sex, which made me more depressed because I still loved him.

        Now after months of crying and despair, pleading to be understood, I am engaged to my bf but I am the loneliest I have ever felt in my life. He says he loves me and wants to do everything to make me happy, but I can see the resentment in his eyes and angry tone of voice since I don’t make the same money I used to and he feels burdened to get a 2nd job. We’re supposed to get married and move in together this year, but I feel so trapped and lost. I don’t want to stay with my parents, but I don’t want to just move to the same situation that makes me even more depressed. I don’t know what to do…

        I need someone to talk to…

        • Liz says:

          I am 28 with some very similar issues— especially the friends “ghosting” you part. I turned 28 on top of the world but have lost 8 friends in the past year so I have a couple coworkers I talk to and my boyfriend. I don’t live near my family and they don’t care much about my life either. I feel trapped in my situation too and just want someone to talk to other than my boyfriend but somehow I’ve destroyed any relationship I’ve built. Anyway this is my first time on this forum but if you want to email me I’d love that. I think writing can be very therapeutic and it would be nice to get a friend out of it 🙂 ebonfanti30 at gmail dot com

  108. Avery says:

    What if there is a reason that no one wants to be your friend that you can’t change? I’m 27. I have autism that went undiagnosed until I was in my teens, as I am so “high-functioning” (read: can do most things a person is “supposed” to do) that nobody caught it. As a kid I was bullied and socially isolated by both other kids and adults, but never knew why. The autism diagnosis explained everything. NOBODY wants to deal with some autistic freak who only kind of knows how to be a person. There is a reason “autistic” is an insult in many online communities. We are just born unpleasant to be around. Sure, we can learn to act like normal people and maybe be accepted, but none of our friendships will be real as it won’t be “us” people are interacting with, just the fake neurotypical version.

    What do I do? Autism isn’t curable and I am way past the age for any of the usual therapies. I’ve tried support groups for autistic adults, but never made friends as I had nothing in common with the others besides being autistic.

    • Chimchim says:

      I need everyone’ Help… I think my boyfriend is feeling depressed because he has no friends and now I think he’s forgotten that he still have me… how can i help him? Please help me help him ????

    • kirk says:


      i am exactly like you… however, i’m 56 and when i was a kid, and into my teens, autism was an unknown thing. i was very high-functioning but my social skills were a total mystery and anything i tried to learn and adopt was clumsily forced and unsuccessful. by my late teens, most of the neighborhood guys i grew up with wanted nothing more to do with me. as i got into my working life, not only could i not make friends but found every new place i worked, people seemed to not like me, or even hated me. i had grown into a liar out of desperation to impress people, not realizing the extra damage i did to how i was perceived. i had odd behaviors i was never aware of at the moment; years later i have some ability to see my oddities through other people’s eyes and i feel sooo mortally embarrassed and ashamed. how could i have done this… or said that… or missed doing this… or not that??? over the decades as an adult, i stopped blaming ‘everyone else’ and finally accepted it was me. i have no inner dialogue that most people do, until it’s too late, and then i clearly see after analyzing the cause and effects of myself. now, i self-isolate just to prevent people just from hating me. i would now say the prospect of having a friend terrifies me- despite my painful loneliness- and the last thing i could bare is befriending someone only to have them recognize my flaws as a person and ditch me. i have no choice but to choose loneliness and have to be satisfied just being around people and pretending, for their and my own sake, that i’m normal but standoffish.


      • kirk says:

        almost forgot: the ONLY thing that gives me comfort, minimizes my self-loathing, is when i’d accepted jesus as my lord and savior. it helps so much.

        • Janel says:

          I’m trying hard to get closer to Jesus to remind myself that he loves everyone and that we’re all his precious children, but I feel it just makes me feel more despair because people in the church look down on mental illness and other things that I’m going through. I end up feeling even more isolated that I’m not Christian enough and this is why these things happened to me. I don’t know if I have autism, but I have never been able to connect with people at a deep level, or have meaningful relationships.

        • Christy says:

          Kirk-YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And my daughter has suffered terribly for years from Aspbergers….
          I’m so happy you found God… you brought light briefly to my dark world… she just moved to her fathers, and I’m devastated and completely alone (after my mom just died and I adopted a troubled teenager, so she BRAVELY LEFT) Both girls are gone, but know there’s hope through Christ…and LOL possibly medication and counseling Is hope! May your world be blessed with His Grace, I pray for you!!! (All of you…and me-when I can!)

    • Christy says:

      YOURE MORE WONDERFUL THAN YOU EVER KNEW AND PLEASE DONT GIVE UP! My own daughter with high functioning autism just left after 18 years, to move 2 hours away to be with her father, and I’m devastated… I know your pain, and I pray your parents HELP EVERYWAY THEY POSSIBLY CAN!!
      You can’t help your brain is different.. and our cruel world should bend more to people like you that need “MORE”!!
      I pray to God, you’re doing better, that you have been blessed in someway so you know there’s HOPE!!
      I’m sorry this is happened! And I’ll pray every day for you, and my daughter!
      Please take care

  109. ellena says:

    im a trans girl, 19 yrs old and i feel so lonely and depressed everyone is avoiding me and im so sad. my boyfriend abandoned me and my friends starts to avoid me. i dont have anyone literally. please help. i dont know what to do. im in pain 🙁

    • Anonymous says:

      Don’t give up hope. Try your best to find the strength from within to get to know yourself and be happy with her. You ARE worthy of love… no better person to love yourself than you. As soon as you do that others will notice and be attracted to THAT love. All will be well ????

  110. Rowan Rocha says:

    but what was the film called??????

  111. John says:

    I can very much relate to your many astute points. To deal with the same sentiments, I have determined to myself that it is all part of the constantly changing landscape characterizing the isolated existence that really is the life of each and every one of us, whether aware or not. Gladly, sadly, or indifferently, one is compelled to accept that we each are born alone, live alone in spite of the number of our relations, interactions, or associations, that we are never truly known, nor have we, do we, or will we ever KNOW anyone else, and that we each will die alone. Find solace in your solitude. While it is not comforting, it is a hard truth that accompanies us all.

  112. Dorota says:

    I came to this website because it drives me crazy when I search for answers what to do when I’m depressed and I always find the answer: talk to friends or somebody close. I don’t have anybody close. And I would be afraid to tell anything to people that are in my life for fearnof scaring them even further away from me. I lost all joy in my life. I just feel so down. I can barely relate to anything or anyone anymore.

    • Hatty says:

      I can totally relate to your post, Dorota. Have been reading books about depression. While they comfort me a bit, whenever they get to the bit about confiding in friends, I feel more sad and desperate as I’m confronted with the fact that I’m lacking any camaraderie or friendship in my life.

      I’m currently reading Lonely by Emily White and it’s helping me better understand my loneliness and withdrawal rather than constantly berate and blame myself for making crap choices and losing friends I did have through neglect. I’m really struggling, however, with the constant feeling that I’ve built myself a giant trap of unemployment, depression, anxiety and loneliness, from which I have no idea how to escape.

      • Jeanne says:

        I truly understandI’ m right there.

      • Jeanne says:

        I truly understandI’ m right there. Email me anytime I live in Vacaville Calif. Need a friend

      • Anna Marie says:

        omg I am in same situation 45 divorced 17 years in successful career now on disability, moved out of apartment and city after 16years same place back to hometown losing all social connections now isolated never leave apartment no friends no family support it feels like there is nothing to look forward to that I lived my life already no dreams to hope for, not in situation to meet guys I fear I’m destined to be alone rest of my life that love is out of reach the idea of being alone without love in my life just makes life seem pointless and truly alone and lonely it makes me feel like a failure and ashamed that this is where I am after all the possibilities and potential I ended up a failure. I feel so isolated and frustrated and hopeless I look in the mirror and I’m ashamed I feel so ugly who’d want a middle aged failure you used to be…now you’re not … itemized list if loss . i don’t know how or where to begin or have even motivation I don’t see possibilities so can’t strive with no goal . Financially in debt after divorce, on disability so quality of living is bare minimum no frills no extra and have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder PTSD from traumatic childhood not a forefront issue but shaped who I became I am so depressed and hopeless life feels like burden not blessing . I live in a small town no transportation in rural community so making friends is difficult meeting a guy near impossible I just live thru TV shows and cigarettes watching other people live lives on tv and going to drugstore convenience store basically is my community /interaction and thankfully two cats are at least some source of affection and comfort . I want a life love friends motivation and inspiration a goal or dream to pursue and acheive feel successful and satisfied intellectually and spiritually to feel confident feel attractive have good self esteem which I have none right now . not where I thought I’d be at 45. I would love any advice or help I need a miracle . If anyone can offer help any advice anything I would be so grateful I live in Maine in case someone is in my neck of woods though originally from Louisiana thanks

    • TM says:

      I completely understand Dorota. Here I am doing the exact same thing searching for answers. The only thing that keeps me going is the closeness of my family, my mom, my job and my mini chiwawa. I base my life around those because I have been heartbroken too many times. The last relationship ended badly, the guy will not even acknowledge that I exist even though I have let my hard feelings towards him go, I was able to forgive but yet he has big issues of self pride and forgiveness. I am a child of God because I surrendered when God came into my life after my daddy’s death a year later.
      My daddy died 3 years ago at the age of 84 and yes I was a daddy’s girl and when he died a part of me died and I became very sad, alone and in a really dark place which I did not know how I would ever get myself back. But eventually I had to come to terms with his death and accept it because I still had my mother and she became my best friend. So do not give up, do not let go, everyone who has posted here has taken a 1st step in admitting that we are starving ourselves with happiness me included. So here is to all let us start taking little steps to get that joy we all once had back in our lives again. I thank everyone for their posts it has already made me want to try and get my joy back. We got this????❤

    • Janel says:

      Last night I was feeling the same way. Out of desperation I texted my roommate from College out of the blue I hadn’t spoken to in over a year. Surprisingly she answered and asked if I wanted to talk on the phone. There was so much I wanted to pour out to her but didn’t make sense because it would be too much and too awkward. I still feel very lonely and depressed, but in that moment she spoke to me like a close friend she had seen yesterday and that made me feel so much better when I was in a low point. Maybe there is even one person you can talk to who you might never consider. Some people are just kind and pleasant and love others.

  113. Kezzer says:

    Hey im sat here reading all your stories feeling the sadness and pain you all describe. I read your stories wishing I could give a hug and tell you that you have to keep fighting. I sit here with two battered and bloody fists where I literally just kept punching the wall today because the pain I felt in my head and heart became unbearable. I feel like at the age of 32 I am a complete waste of space a crap parent, partner and excuse for a human being. You see I had it all the career the horse a little family and piece by piece it all slipped through my fingers. My sons father cheated and left I couldn’t hold my job down because of the absolute heart ache this caused I had no money and lost all my possessions and my lifeline my horse. I’m totally broken I don’t know how to fix this. I miss my life, my friends my happiness but most of all I don’t want my son to grow up resenting me for not being the mum I wish I could xx

  114. shirley says:

    I am just so angry. Due to poor financial choices i made when i was younger , i am old and broke barely surviving on ss. I have pushed majority of my friends away because i just got tired of pretending to be christian, and when i came out, many just dropped me. Have two male friend and my brother just got married to a christian i really like her ,but i have to be measured in what i say to her. All my life i have been a loner so being alone never bothered me, but it does now because due to severe car accident, i no longer have a car, so i am mainly housebound by force, which has a different feel to it. I lose my bother to aids 12 yrs ago, just lost another to alcoholism, and another dying fr aids, I just feel so helpless. Have been on antidepressants in the past, but i gained so much weight that i ended up with hypertension, and elevated cholesterol. Use to be a nurse but because I didn’t pay my taxes, so state of md took my license, so now i have no credentials to do anything. How in the heck did i get to this place. I used to date but now since i have no money for dating clothes, and am very self conscious about all of the scars on my leg due to multiple surgeries fr car accident, that is out of the question, and to make matters worse, if possible, i can’t afford medicare premium cuz my rent is so high so i can’t get the surgery i need, and am in constant pain. Thing is, if u told people who know me that this is how i am feeling they would be shocked. Went to see my doc yest, and just broke down about my brothers, my life ,and since i refuse antidepressants, she recommended i see therapist. fat chance when after paying my bills i have 20. left over.

  115. Jb says:

    Thanks for your post. I too can relate. Weekends spent alone, no one to call to meet for coffee or talk. I have family but they live in another state. Every time I do something like Meetup I end up feeling lonely because I don’t relate to anyone in the groups. This world is definitely crafted for extroverts. I am an introvert and it seems like those of us who are shy or don’t like to speak up always get left in the dust. Still searching for the right way to connect with people.

    • Janel says:

      Yea I often wonder why have diversity if people don’t appreciate differences. Everyone makes me feel like I don’t belong in this world because I’m highly introverted. I spent years since childhood wondering why I was born this way. My brother and sister are extroverted and everyone loves them. I was always encouraged to not be like myself. I pretended for years to be someone else. But I stopped caring and now no one wants to be around me, not even my family or church.

  116. H says:

    I am 42, and don’t think I have ever had a friend. People only use me when it benefits them. I am home alone every day after work. I do not get invites. I do not have a boyfriend. I think my kids are the only people who chose me. My crippling anxiety and depression keep me from being outgoing. I try, but only end up hurt and eventually ignored. I just don’t understand. My youngest will be going to high school this year. Four more years, and he will leave me like his brother. Then…

    • Renee says:

      in the same boat. My daughter will be graduating soon and I am dreading life once she leaves for college. I have no one to talk to – no close friends, have conflict with family members, and a boyfriend who is self absorbed. I spend my non work time exercising or working on projects around my home. I’m torn between wanting to go places alone (anxiety at odds with exploring new things) and staying at home with my pets (known comfort). Usually stay home and get even more depressed. Just a vicious cycle. Have to figure something out soon…

      • H says:

        I started a new job this summer – same place, just different position. I think it has only made things worse. I feel even more isolated. My college kid is home for a while, which actually makes me feel like a loser. How could he not be successful at school – I feel like I messed up. I am just tired of being tired and ignored. I am tired of trying and getting shut out.

  117. Jonathan says:

    I know firsthand how isolating depression can be; how it slowly deteriorates your relationship with yourself and the ones you care about. I went through a very dark, lonely period after losing a dear friend to cancer. Still not sure if I’m out of the darkness, but I’m just trying to move forward and connect with people a little more, hard as it may be sometimes.

  118. Losr says:

    No one left- talking to me when I’m actually up to taking to people is just an emotional drain. My own mother said she wouldnt be in my life if I were anyone other than her daughter. I left the only person who loved me and treated me like gold, every one thinks Im a fool. I dont care to try anymore, my outside appearance isnt as nice as it use to be, no growing old gracefully for me and i have nothing on the outside. If i could crawl under a rock I would.

  119. Ripple effekt says:

    It’s all very frustrating. I used to have lots of great friends and they were genuine friends. I got stuck in my own head and convinced myself they no longer wanted to be friends and not even realising I am suffering from depression. I just thought my new career was mentally demanding. Bit by bit my friends dropped from my radar and I thought that was because we moved on with life and began to have a family. We now have 2 kids and both my wife and I are deeply disconnected from the world and as we try and help each other to push through and get back to our happy excited about life selves, it has become this illusive beast that is unobtainable. Feeling we aren’t living where we should be, but no idea where the right place is. Struggling to make new long lasting connections with amazing people… or even where to find them. What it means to be happy. What happiness looks like. The more we search for ways to help, the further we get lost.
    We really need a guide. Someone who can give us a clear step by step process to get us up and out of the funk.. But these are not a one size fits all kind of programs. I am an opened minded, conscious being that craves genuine connections that are deeper than the superficial layered relationships and the dialogue that comes with that.
    Even re-reading what I have written makes the confusion worse.
    How do people have full lives and have greats friends. So many people seem to just have a plan and execute it with superior precision and purpose. Or is that just a front and I percieve that in them and they too are as lost as we are?
    Is wanting to achieve great things in life so our children don’t have the same struggles as we do compounding our issues further?
    We were both poorly guided by our parents and the similarities between the 2 families is spot on, introverted home bodies that from all appearances seemed content and that was enough out of life. Not driving or inspiring us to be great, only to achieve just enough to get by. Boredom appears to bring more of these things to front. We have achieved great things, but there is always some more we can be achieving. Maybe not celebrating the accomplishments lowers the impression it should be making.
    Lastly comes the feeling of failure as parents, even though both our kids are amazing, but some days it doesn’t seem I spend all that much time with them, though that guilt could also be the depression.
    That lightened the load a little. Gives me no answers that I can see to get out, but nice to say it in an unfiltered context. There is no one I know that would sit there and let me unload like that unless it was a paid service. I guess that is something you covered in many of your points above around talking and only seeming self interested.
    I just want to live an interesting life that makes my kids happy, my wife happy and myself happy. Something that other people might like to ask questions about and share a common interest. My interests over the past 5 years are very niche. Not many people restore vintage bikes, renovate houses, invest in property or the stock market, build quadcopters, go fishing, tinker with technology. When I mention some of things I do, i see the eyes glass over because it is either boring or they just have no idea about what I am talking about. Though this could be fear, anxiety and depression controlling these thoughts as I don’t think where I am in life is good enough and it could always be better.
    Thanks for giving me a safe place to write as so many others have. It is important for us to talk about this as mental health is at pandemic proportions and too many are struggling with it.

    • mary says:

      sounds tO me like ypu got it made!like i would say wot is yer secret! you are only bored bevause you guys have actually achieved what most of the world wants to do! Get yer family around and get some gallons of root beer and ice an outdoor movie and celobrate! you are what most of america is tryna get to! rejoice!Thank God and coach others at church or somewhere how to get where you are! God bless and mightily help ya amen

    • Cynthia says:

      Hi Ripple effect,

      I sense that you’re putting yourself under a lot of pressure to be or achieve something extraordinary, and there’s a competitive element to it. I’m not judging you, because I can relate to that. We’re inundated with images from the movies and advertisement about how cool a lot of people are. My advice: stay away from that. Dare to embrace your more vulnerable side. I’ve recently made the experience that my time spent in a group therapy session is much more meaningful than any effort I make to go to some event and appear glamorous and successful, which usually leaves me exhausted. … I mean, keep pursuing your interests by all means – but do it because you want to and not because you think we must all be so special. Also, don’t misunderstand me, competition and wanting a thrill are all good things. But be mindful about why and how you’re guided by that. Hope that helps!

  120. alonecanadian says:

    no one really cares until it’s too late…. actions speak louder than words; and most of the time the actions are to ignore me or simply walk away. i’ve been told i’m worthless; i’ve been shown i’m worthless… what is the point anymore? i know what i want; i don’t know how to get it and no one will help me. i’m told to get professional help; but i can’t open up to strangers face to face… and i’m not broken; i’m lost… and i hate and loathe all the happy social interactions i see others have; while i spend another day just sitting alone in silence. fuck it. one day i’ll snap and people will notice me…. everyone will know who i am when i break.

    • Rich says:

      I completely understand what you are going through about being lost and alone, even when there are hundreds of people around.

      I wish all of us on this thread could live in the same town…then we would all be friends and we would never feel alone…. a Meetup group for depressed people. 🙂

      Hang in there my friend… all i can hope for is that you manage your pain and loneliness enough where you dont hurt yourself or others. Please take care.

      • Abel says:

        Yes, I bet I get it too… a look around doesn’t really give you an impression there are other people who are going through the same stuff you are going through. It feels people with alike situations would give each other a great company ever, full of hope, peace, comfort and happiness. God should help us

  121. Jackson says:

    I’ve been struggling and it seems to just keep getting worse. A while ago i was involved in a fight against two dudes where i ended up getting stabbed. As traumatic as that factor is itself, court and all the lies and character assassination from people not owning up to the truth put my minor depression from before into something more serious. My friends all think its funny to make fun of each other which is funny sometimes but I’m the one person that gets made fun of and told cruel things for others amusement almost everyday sometimes all day. From heart break, the stabbing, lies and rumors and people being just pure cruel to me verbally I have realized i don’t have any true, real friends i can count on. I can’t seem to get out of this depression and therapy hasn’t helped. My “friend” also totaled my car a hand full of months ago so i’ve been stuck at my house basically broke without motivation because nothing seems too be helping. I try to help people and be generous but people take it for granite or use me.

  122. Alex says:

    Hello to whoever may be reading this. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe it just makes me feel like I’m actually communicating with someone. Depression has haunted me my entire life. After overdosing on pills when I was 15 , a psychiatrist told me if I didn’t check int a mental hospital I’d be dead by 35. We’ll, 53 and still here, but it’s been rough. I’ve never had any real friends growing up and to this day I have zero friends. I have no family other than a wife who is very sweet but we have absolutely nothing in conmon. In fact she is very social and extremely close to her family. Her family does not care for me at all and our communication is very limited over the last 20 years. My 18 year old daughter is going off to college soon and it will be just me and my wife. My depression and insecurity is so bad that when her family used to come over ( they don’t anymore because of me) I would disappear for hours at a time until they left. My daughter who has been my life for the last 18 years even made a comment last week that nobody likes me. Truth is, she has no idea. I never want to burden her with my insecurities and have always tried to be the big sting dad on the outside. I know however that the older she gets the she’ll notice the struggles I’ve had to get through each day. I’ve turned to God and Jesus, self hep books and blogs like this. Can’t say I’ve never been suicdle because I have. The main reason I probably haven’t is fear and the fact that my daughter would have to live her life knowing her dad outed himself. I just couldn’t do that to her. She has a good social life with friends and lots of goals planned out. I don’t want to delay that because of my sickness. My wife I think is clueless about me and has no idea what’s going on when I just shut her out. She chalks it up to one of my moods. I’m exhausted! 53, I have a mountain of debt and feel like the walls are closing in. I see homeless people all day long and think one day I’m just going to park my car , not go in to work and start walking down the street and never coming back. I break down when it’s just to much to take. A grown man breaking down. I beg God to fix me because I’m broken. My daughter and her friends think I’m mean, but that’s because I just don’t know how to communicate. Even if I wanted to try therapy I can’t because I’m so broke and saddled with debt. To some degree this feels therapeutic because I feel like I’m communicating with someone. There’s always hope. Right?

    • Dan says:

      Yes there’s hope. I relate I withdraw from people all the time. My wife is the social one not me. I turn 40 this week and I thought all of the feelings of loneliness and never having any friends would go away but reading your story I see they don’t. It sounds like you you raised a good kid, and you still have a wife congrats…it not all horrible…right? Keep fighting. The answers are out there I’m sure of it

    • Dave says:

      Alex, I have some similarities with you. I’m an introvert I lack social skills I tend to avoid public settings with lots of people. Recently I realized that all of this stemmed from a long term abusive marriage where my wife would be verbally abusive to the point of breaking me down but then she will say something small positive to keep her in my good graces but all the while separating me from the rest of the world. Influence is a powerful thing. I’m not even officially divorced yet and I can tell you just from having told her I’m done being treated this way I feel a sense of freedom and liberation I feel that there can be a purpose and happiness to my life. My therapist has also helped me more than I probably know yet, find one you can talk to and let you walk away from with a sense of renewed Worth! Best of luck to you

    • Crystal says:

      I hear you Alex, you are communicating with someone

    • Ann says:

      I could replace my name with yours. Everything is the same age and all. My 18 yr old left for summer classes last week and now i really dont know how to cope. Id love to go out to a concert or just out for a night but i have nobody to go with. Im literally stuck in the house. My husband works in the evening so i dont even have him to talk to. Ive been crying all week and cant see anything for me in the future. Wont do anything to end my life cause shell be known as the kid whose mother killed herself. Cant do that to her. I need help but not sure where to turn.

    • MsBrazil says:

      I feel the same way
      I got 27k followers on IG so many like but I’m truly alone it’s just a whole big cover up as to how I really feel
      No family no real friends the first guy o ever had since junior high
      We broke up use to hurt me now I’m with someone else he does the same so I gave up and allow it
      It’s had to be my fault if everyone guy that’s been around me feels like doing me like that
      But I won’t be killing myself don’t have the strength or the backbone to do so
      Even for that I’m shit

    • Losr says:

      Im a female going through what you say. Struggled my whole life but kept it together for my children. I felt the overwhelming void when my children became teens and i was no longer needed and just the odd awkward parent. I have no desire to go to counseling or try anymore. One thing to be thankful for is you mention your wife is sweet. My ex husband was sweet, giving, and loving and I pushed and pushed him away. When actuality was that my depression wouldnt allow me to be happy. Now after all my mistakes and the fact i became ugly at 40 has caused me severe anxiety. I sometimes thinks I deserved to become ugly. When you have chronic depression since childhood I sometimes think you grasp and grasp for happy and what others have and never appreciate what you actually have already.

  123. Jeff says:

    I’ve lived a life of mental trauma. Depression, loneliness and all that. As a child I was always alone, could never make friends and eventually my school life was mostly isolation and ridicule. I have been verbally and physically abused by teachers, students etc… My own family treated me like garbage up till this point The only reason my family doesn’t really do this anymore is because I really don’t HAVE family. Last year my abusive grandmother passed away, since then the little family left has each gone their own way. I have my mother and brother sure but my mother has too many issues that I don’t like her around much, and my brother is far too busy. I really don’t have friends either, with the exception of 2 people I almost don’t even want to all friends really. They are a married couple, and while one is blind the other is alot like my grandma so I hesitate being around her. On top of all of that neither call me or message me (you would think the guy who is blind would message. And yes he knows how to text and all that), but if I want to talk I have to be the one to call them and I hate it. Especially because my depression is so heavy and debilitating I have no desire to do anything or go anywhere, with the exception that if I had a girlfriend I’d be more inclined to do things (when I was with my ex I was 1000x better and I wish I could have that again). I don’t work due to my horrible mental issues, ADHD and my depression mixed with severe anxiety make doing anything a nasty uphill battle.

    What makes things even worse is that the area I live in has absolutely nothing to do, all shopping malls and eateries. I don’t even like going out unless I absolutely have to and even then I don’t want to because I hate being alone. I can’t do a whole lot with my brother because he’s always busy with his job and his own personal responsbilities. I just sit here wondering if anything will change, of course I know they won’t and I will probably spend the rest of my life like this makes it even worse. These days I just count the days till I die and hope that it’s quick and soon. I’m not suicidal by any means I just hate sitting here. You know the funny thing is, if I wasn’t so sad and lonely and could stomach being alone and accept it I wouldn’t have a problem. The fact I want to cry right now because I’m sitting here alone and have no one to share any small personal victories with or just be my quirky weird self and have someone laugh… I swear to God if my ex hadn’t treated me like garbage I would have settled for her because she was alot like me and I was content with everything. But NOPE she had to abuse my kindness (nice guys finish last it would seem…) and ruin it for BOTh of us.

    I mean I sit here and read some of these stories from these women and it’s like I would go out of my way to date them, be with them and do everything I could to make them comfortable or at the very least content. Why can’t there be anyone like that in my area? This is so excrutiating I just dont know what to do anymore… I want to cry so bad right now but I don’t have the energy or the drive to even do that *sigh*.

    • mary says:

      My remedy is get out thwre and VOlUNTEER!You dont know it now but somwbody out there needs you. Volunteering in an emergency room is very good or a food bank is VERY good. go in the back of a Catholic Church one sunday am and get the paper bulketin for that Sunday.they always have pantries and stuff where you can volunteer.its fun and you meet people andyou forget yerself and all of a sudden you r laughing and giving somebody else a hand.been there done that and getting ready to do it again.It ALWAYS Works!Good luck my friend i’ll be rooting for you!

      • Jeff says:

        While I understand that may work, for me that poses a number of huge issues that I can’t resolve.

        1. I don’t like volunteering because I do not get paid. I know this sounds extremely selfish but in all fairness and honesty I need money right now.

        2. I have a ridiculous time getting myself out of bed. Lets face reality I have no push or drive to do simple things anymore and at this point in my life I really don’t even care to be perfectly honest. I have given up trying to “better” myself.

        3. My extreme intolerance. I have ADHD, and anxiety. Those 2 coupled together are THE single most hardest thing anyone could ever possibly deal with. When you can’t sit still AT ALL and every little thing hurts, annoys, irritates you what do you do? The most at ease I feel is sadly and ironically when I’m sitting in front of my computer playing my video games, or watching anime. But even then I can’t sit still. I am jiggling my legs all the time I’m sitting here. But it’s way worse when I don’t have my mind focused like I do when gaming. So for example this last 4th of July I went out with my brother simply to eat at a local festival. I was irritated the whole time. Not only was I sad and depressed I didn’t have a girlfriend, but everything irritated me to no end. I felt every bug, or what I think were bugs at this point I don’t even know anymore, bump and bite me. I had to stay in constant motion or go out of my mind. But it wasn’t fun at all. It was a horrible chore. We ended up getting giant bbq turkey legs, it wasn’t fun. I didn’t enjoy it as much as I was anticipating at all because of how many bones and whatever they were. Every bite I was puttling long thin bones out. We didn’t have enough napkins so I ended up getting sticky and I hated it. We almost couldn’t find water to wash our hands and faces because the portable water units they had were out. LUCKILY they had hoses hooked up to I guess fire hydrants or something so we managed to clean up. At this point I asked if we should head home it was late anyway so we left. Thats just 1 of hundreds of instances what happens to me when I remove myself out of my element.

        I tried volunteering years ago and the same exact thing happened. I was a paper deliverer, or some such, in a hospital and after 2 weeks I left and never volunteered again. Unless I take medication for my ADHD and god knows how many other medications I can’t deal with this intolerance issue of mine. So thats about a huge portion of my issues right there. I honestly don’t know how or if I’ll ever manage to deal with this issue but unless I get it under control I don’t know if I can work or enjoy things outside of sitting in front of my computer. I do know though that if I did have someone I would be way more inclined to go out and do things but it still would be hard on me because of this ADHD/anxiety/super sensitivity issue I have to live with.

        • mary says:

          i bet there is an adhd club and i bet theyre online.i bet you could have fun with other guys who have that.i think theyre mostly could also try to find like a local chapter of mensa and see if they have info and or meetings.You know how much fun seagulls have when they are all tpgether!You just need to rsearch on tbat computer and start yer own flock!brst of luck and you will do it!

          • Jeff says:

            I have already given up on life to be honest. I really don’t care that much anymore what becomes of me. I’ve always been miserable I will always be miserable.

            I don’t want to be around people. I only want 2 people in my life my brother and a girlfriend/wife. I don’t care about males, I don’t care about groups of people, I do NOT like being out and in large groups of people, nor am I comfortable with small groups of people. I am done. I thank you for the advice but I’m not going to bother anymore.

        • mary says:

          my ĺast thought. git you a gal with adhd an zone in front of the tv each with yer own games and please i pray live happy ever after!God bless!

    • Anjlee says:

      Aww you seem to be such a sweet and kind person, I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I can relate somwhat. I have anxiety related to ocd and my family don’t understand and they blame me for being this way. I have always been alone too. I can’t keep a friend because I find it exhausting and I just seem to be lost in my own hell. I too crave for that one person who I could trust and allow into my bubble.

      I hope you are doing better these days. If you ever want to talk or exchange messeges, let me know 🙂

      • Jeff says:

        sadly It’s getting far worse for me. I have just given up on everything at this point. I want to stop existing but I can’t. How do we exchange messages anyway?

  124. Richard says:

    Thank you all who have shared your stories. After reading this article and comments, I can finally articulate what my depression is like. I am a 46 year old gay male. I have very few friends because my self esteem is in the toilet and I have so much pain and despair that it makes me silent. The pain and the despair does not allow me to communicate with others socially as I would like to for fear of rejection and embarrassment. I cannot make small talk and I never have anything to talk about with anyone that I think they would find interesting.

    I have been depressed for over 25 years. The depression is part of who I am, and is part of my soul and it is part of my skin. I was a sexually abused child and a bullied and ridiculed teenager. My mother was an alcoholic and my father was fairly absent. I tried to commit suicide twice in my twenties — and was unsuccessful. I have been to therapists and been on various depression medications — and nothing helps. I wake up every day wishing I was dead — but I would never try to commit suicide again. I feel that even through the pain and despair, the light of the life wins out.

    I have become extremely good about masking my pain and my despair — it is like I wear a mask when I am out in public. Even with my depression, I am fairly successful and I can communicate at my job fairly well. However it does become difficult with someone who I find attractive.

    To keep from going completely mad, I force myself to go out into social situations even though I am socially awkward. For the most part I think I like to punish myself. Sitting home alone in a room is too easy, I guess. I go out a lot with the one “friend” I have. He is very popular and he has a lot of friends. He says they are my friends as well. They really aren’t because no one knows me. I mostly keep to myself because I cannot talk to anyone. I end up getting nervous and tongue tied and start sounding like am a retard. The only problem is what I really end up doing is drinking. When I drink, the barriers I have built around myself start crumbling and the emotions come out. It is a pretty sad sight to see. But no one notices — because I am invisible to most people around me. So I could basically die right where I am standing and no one would ever notice. I sometimes like it that way. Otherwise I would have to try to talk to people and then I would need to deal with the pain and the despair. It is so much easier for me to have it buried and hidden and stay silent. I would have made a perfect monk.

    When I drink, I sometimes act out — blaming others for my pain. Other times I become very sarcastic and cynical. My friend doesn’t like it when I say I have no friends — especially in front of a group of people, who he says, are my friends. So most times I just keep to myself and pray that I can get through the evening. I like to count how many people walk past me without noticing me. I once reached 150 and I thought that was a pretty good record.

    The only thing I have ever wanted in life is to have someone who loves me. I try really hard to bury my pain and despair and be a normal person. I cannot accept that I am damaged goods and therefore unlovable.

    Because of this, I am a very jaded and cynical person. I cannot be happy for others when I see them happy with friends or lovers because I know I don’t have that and it makes me jealous and angry – -and therefore more depressed.

    As I get older, it gets worse. I hope I can make it through the next 30 or 40 years .

    • AC says:

      Hi. Having read your post I can totally understand your feelings. On the most part, they mirror mine. I am a 37 year old gay male and find it so hard to make friends and feel any self worth for myself. I have been close to relationships but my neediness and anxiety always ends up pushing guys away. The worst thing is that I feel like I’m staring into the abyss and cannot see it changing. I know I need to get out and join some clubs, go to the gym and try and raise my self esteem but it’s so hard when you feel like this. I have just been prescribed antidepressants but feel they won’t help as the loneliness I feel will still be the empty pit of darkness in my heart. Hopefully things will change…

      • Rich says:

        Hello my friend. I am sorry you are going through similar things. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. If you need someone to talk to or vent to who understands feel free to reach out to me privately.

    • Ken says:

      I see myself when you say you “cannot be happy for others when I see them happy with friends or lovers”. I also only have that one “friend”, yet I never had the courage to tell them about my loneliness and depression. I care about him a lot, would like to offer any help I’m capable of, but couldn’t stop my jealousy at the fact that I’m just one of his hundreds of acquiantances.

      • Rich says:

        Its very hard to express this to people, without them believing you are jaded or cynical. My best friend doesnt understand what depression means..its hard for some people to comprehend and understand.

        However, you owe it to yourself to try. If your friend is observant, he may already know or he may understand. At least give it a shot.

    • Jeremy says:

      I feel just at a lost and so lonely all the time, I was in a 5 year long relationship that was very toxic and went down hill so I ended the relationship. Even though it was toxic she was all I knew. Throughout the relationship all my friends cut me off or just fell out of touch, I don’t get it I’m such a nice person, I treat everyone with respect but I remain only with one friend who I share nothing in common with anymore. My own sister won’t even hang out with me u less there is money involved or a free meal I’m just at a loss these days and the only thing keeping me a float is my sons otherwise I don’t know

  125. Trudy says:

    My life’s very similar. I’m now in my early 30s but all my life was never happy or well adjusted. Had a troubled childhood and just couldn’t move on. I lost many friends and family over the years. Jumped from job to job and college to college never finishing my degree and considering myself an intelligent underachiever. Finally found a job I feel is a good match for me but I don’t trust myself to try school again as I feel I’ll only quit after a while. A life coach advised me to move out of state to somewhere I’d enjoy living with beautiful scenery. I wanted to move but couldn’t go through with it as I worried that I knew no one in the new state, had no job there, and no place set up to live. Still in my city/state of origin but determined to build my spirits up and have a decent life. I wish everyone good luck and better days.

  126. Marci says:

    Wow! I feel for everyone after reading each individual’s experiences. While I feel for all of you, as “they” say, finding out that I’m not the only one in the boat experiencing such deep sadness, depression, and loneliness. I am coming out of an 11 year abusive relationship…8 years living together and 3 years married. The abuse was slow, deliberate, calculated, and cruel. The abusive was multi faceted and escalated with time. I left for the 4th and final time. (This is in addition to the multiple times I was kicked out for short periods of time. Looking back, I have been somewhat able to see what happened. It started with making sure I was stripped of my friends, my money. Then, over time I was abused emotionally, mentally, verbally and spiritually. And finally, physically. Twelve years ago, I would never imagine that I would tolerate this from anyone. In addition to the hopelessness, loneliness, depression, anxiety and the feeling of being “frozen,” unable to make a plan and follow thru, unable to get back into living life. What I don’t understand is, why, after 3 months since splitting up, am I not bouncing back? I’m not getting why I am not moving forward with a smile on my face, looking forward to another chance at being happy and content? After all, isn’t this what I needed? And I am no longer walking on eggshells, waiting to see who is on board that day…Dr. Jeckyl or Mr. Hyde? In closing, I should mention that while spending countless hours trying to figure who and what I was living with, it was when I came across “passive-agressive personality disorder with narcisstic tendancies” that I knew exactly the type of person I have been living with. It is a 100% match! In general, the advice of experts and other victims was, “Run away, don’t walk away from this relationship.” Thanks for letting me share. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

    • Ang says:

      I just read your story and it was like reading mine. Wow

    • Dave says:

      Dear god! You’ve just written a current passage from my own life. Every detail! The difference is I have three children with this monster. I’ve been scared to leave the marriage because I worry about what it will do to the children. And honestly I have no self esteem or self worth now. I wonder if I divorce if I will crumble. I wonder if I’ll ever have another friend and if I’ll live a lonely meaningless life. But your experience from them stripping you of friends money self respect hits home hard. I really felt I could have wrote this.

      • Marci says:

        Marci here. I’m in no way in a place to give advice to anyone’s personal situation. I can speak from my own experience. Therapy…and specifically, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is definitely helping me. I have learned that I am a codependent. This is a person that wants to help others, will give the shirt off their back, a person that can easily lose their independence, self esteem, the activities they once found not in, their friends and so on ALL the while taking on their spouses…as in my case….LIFE, THEIR FRIENDS, THEIR HOBBIES, etc. I refuse to be a victim ever again. With regard to your children…and I have 2 daughters from my first marriage…I had to finally get help and come to the realization that my children want their parents to be happy and vice versa. It is a tough decision, but my experience has been that in the end, everyone is better off and our children are stronger today than I ever thought possible. In addition, I found out my ex and I were not pulling the wool over their eyes. They knew!! Take good care.

        • Dave says:

          Hi Marci, thank you for your words. I feel I am most certainly also a codependent person. In my marriage of 13 years I completely lost all of my own friends most of my own hobbies and certainly who I am. I met with a counselor yesterday for the first time on my own ever. In short he told me that both of us are to blame for this failure. My wife very well may be a narcissistic person with personality disorder however I greatly fed and to this without realizing. I bent to her will and gave in even when I disagreed every time. Now that I’m no longer doing that it is nothing more than a power struggle for her. I left the counselors office yesterday without a shred of doubt in my mind that I must divorce if I ever want to be happy again in this life. However today as I came home from work she was in a different mood, had cleaned the house. Things that she had been neglecting for a long time. For some reason this puts doubt in my mind as to my decision and I instantly go back to remembering the good times if you will and wondering if I making the wrong decision. But this is a perpetual cycle for me it is happened to many times. I made an appointment with the divorce attorney for next week hopefully I will be able to stick through it. Part of me thinks she has no idea what she’s doing and that she’s trying. The other part of me believes that she is manipulative and very crafty with how she bends me to her will.

          • Michele says:

            This is a reply to an old post but still I have to do it. This is classic manic/bipolar mixed with narcissistic behavior. I spent 14 years in that cycle. It’s as if they feel you taking back your energy the moment you make the decision to seek outside help or leaving. In the end, in my personal story, my mate was cheating through the relationship which included my one and only friend and neighbor. He also admitted to staying in the relationship because of his fear of being alone. He tried to kill himself three times in 2008 which made me feel like a prisoner to his own depression and continued death threats, which was how he kept me in the relationship so damn long. That alone is enough to really screw a person up but he also waited until I was completely and utterly dependent on him to survive before he decided to stop hiding his indiscretions. He admitted that he consciously chose that as well. Not the destitution but the evidence of his cheating. He always was a weak person by nature. Externally he was the image of physical strength which I believe was his own personal shield. Internally, he had no balls basically, and I had balls in abundance (figuratively speaking)! He liked having a strong person to take care of everything. He liked that until the last couple years, I had always been financially independent but when I wasn’t anymore, around year 11, he really went off the deep end. You also don’t really realize how they slowly and deliberately begin isolating you. Making you think it’s just a natural process of life and age and being in a relationship. Then one day you wake up and there is no one. He was quite the isolation ninja. I have known other narcs that do not cover up there isolation techniques but use gaslighting to do it.He did A LOT of that as well only it wasn’t in his isolation agenda but rather his bend to my will agenda. SMH
            Anyway, I have novels worth of stories and a lifetime of crap I could bitch about but it doesn’t matter. What matters is I stayed too long and he destroyed the life I worked so hard to help build leaving me in a house with him and his new replacement chick for almost two years before I left for an even uglier place, but that too is a long story I won’t share here. That was in 2012. Tomorrow I turn 51 and I have been alone on every holiday since. That is how I got here today.
            My loneliness has finally hit me at soul level. I am an introvert so I enjoy my aloofness most of the time but living for nothing more than survival holds no value. I am weird. I am most likely HF Autistic like my son (who I haven’t seen in 4 years). I think with wisdom and logic and people just can’t deal with it or me. They want the illusions of the current world. They claim to want valuable and deep relations but they have no true concept of them. They literally are repelled by strength and weakness both being represented in me. I am damned for one or the other. Period.
            Again, I get off track. I am sorry for that. My point? GTFON. Get the f#ck out now. DO NOT THINK YOU CAN CHANGE THEM. They are doing exactly as they please and you are a tool for them to survive their own weaknesses. When they find a replacement, and they will, you will just fade into oblivion to them. You however, will be stuck in a nightmare world (inescapable alternate universe) feeling untethered, destitute, untrusting, hell I have PTSD from my experience. If you are like me with zero family to lean on financially or emotionally, you too will be clawing to survive on every level and I am a witness to how impossible it is to climb back up. I am still without a means except state aids, no friends, no family, no future. I breathe… and I fight and breathe again, but I was ready to go ages ago.
            When you were born to survive though, the finality of death is your kryptonite. Subconsciously, I am at war with a soul level will to live and a mental state of wanting to die. It’s crap. It sucks. I’m and INFJ Empath to boot so I basically am at war internally and externally. A walking contradiction if you will. DO NOT BECOME ME. I beg you. If you are still in the relationship PLEASE consider my words.
            And on that note… if anyone is in the LA Orange County areas of California and might want to chat send me a reply or something. Now I am going to try to prepare for my Friday the 13th 51st birthday by finding some Kdramas, Japanese horror movies and the such to occupy my A.D.D. brain and depression for the next 48 hours or so… PEACE MY TRIBE

  127. Angy says:

    At a young age, it was all about what i wanted,and everything my mother provided. I didn’t know it was that hard for her since she is a single mother. I was 13 when she lost her job yet she struggled to put me to school and that was when it started. Depression. Schizoid Personality Disorder. Chronic insomnia.
    My elder sister just got out of an abusive marriage with three children all who, are now living with my mum in thee suburb.
    its 2017 and I am 22 years old, worked my way to university in China leaving them in Ghana and i just can not take it anymore. I wanted to get a job and make things better for them back home but its like my feet are sinking on a desert full of dreams and hopes. Reading a course i do not love and just trying to survive the day. I go days without eating and my nights to sleep with tears.
    The funny thing is, its not me i am worried about, June 8 will be my mother’s 54th birthday and our story hasn’t changed. I hear the pain in her voice when we talk, i fell her guilt of putting a young girl who is supposed to be getting drunk at school parties and having a relationship in and that is what is killing me. I barely have any friends, i spend more times looking for articles to read than i do want to talk. It is as though i live in my head.
    When i break down in tears i imagine my mother crying too and how incapacitated i feel, i am just tired. I want to disappear but i think of mother and what it will do to her, i am tired

    • Cheryl says:

      I’m the reverse being a 62 year old who wants to disappear but fear how it would make my 20 year old and her older sister feel. I’m tired of struggling to survive and hiding how much I struggle for fear of making them feel guilty. Whoever said money doesn’t make you happy was so very wrong. I hope things get better for you, you’re young, take care of you. We want our children to be be happy, and that helps us too.

      • Angy says:

        Keep on keeping strong, Dont give up on your children as i wouldnt give up on my mum. It gets hard, i know. I know.

  128. william says:

    I used to have a great life I wish it was this time last year things were going so well for me I slept 8 hours a day I have respect of my co-workers and my family now I can’t get things done I lay in bed all day and wish that I was out there doing something I can’t even get my grass cut what a miserable way to live when I ran into this ooldgirlfriend of mine she started putting something in my drink and I didn’t know it and that’s why I am the way I am today sorry I ever answered her letter

  129. Lisa Sc says:

    This is me, no friends and no life. And almost no family. My life has gotten more depressing and isolating throughout the years. I’m very unmotivated – I couldn’t get myself to even walk around the block. If my son is sleeping; I won’t leave the house. I feel almost totally mentally miserable. I can’t get myself involved with anything. To add to my misery I found out the man, I thought was a good family man whom I gave my 3 out of 4 cats to (1 cat full pregnant); well, I found out he’s a psychopath and he tortures and murders cats for his hobby and has been doing this for many years. And he got off scott free – the police and the animal control in the little country town of New Albany, IN did nothing or next to nothing.

  130. Lily says:

    I felt so alone before reading all the messages here. You are all describing my life. I was an abandoned lonely little girl being raised by two exhausted grandparents who made me feel like a burden. School was hell – 12 years of being bullied and ridiculed. I escaped into my own head, creating an elaborate fantasy life so I could escape being me. I am in my late 40’s now, and I am still escaping so it makes getting friends even harder. I am constantly fantasizing about being the character in a TV show, who is beautiful and exciting and loved. All the things I’m not. In the meantime I work a low-wage job, I don’t socialize (25+ years since I’ve had a date) and I’ve just let everything go. My body, my finances, my education – everything is a mess. I look at my life and see this sad, pathetic train wreck, and I’m so angry at myself and everyone else. My depression has become this bitter, angry, sarcastic thing that wells up inside me. I’m afraid one day I’ll hurt someone or hurt myself. I don’t want to. I just want to be a normal human being.

  131. Barbara says:

    Depression is part of the fabric of who I am. I’ve experienced it for so long, starting in my early childhood, that I never learned how to make – or be – a friend. For so many years I felt strangled by my own sense of inadequacy and shame. I could barely make eye contact, much less a conversation. Now I am in my 50’s, and while I have learned to speak to people, even engage with them, the deep friendships that so many other people enjoy still allude me. From the outside I look polished, professional and in control. On the inside I am a yawning chasm of emptiness, and so lonely I ache. Nobody knows me, the real me, the little girl who just needs a hug me. And I’m afraid I’ll never be known. I reach out, I ask people to go places and do things, I try to take an interest in others and be interesting myself, but there is never a connection there. Nobody calls me to make plans, I’m always the one who has to initiate. It’s like some part of me was so damaged in my early years that it can never be put back together. I find myself wondering if its worth it to keep living like this.

    • Julia says:


      You could be me. I turned 51 yesterday, and this has caused me to reflect on my life, perhaps too much. But this sentence made my eyes tear up: “From the outside I look polished, professional and in control. On the inside I am a yawning chasm of emptiness, and so lonely I ache.”

      I’m not sure if you’ll feel any better realizing that others are in the same boat, but I’m right there sitting next to you.

    • Rich says:

      Barbara. Thank you for your story. Your story sounds similar to mine except I don’t reach out to anyone. I can’t for fear of rejection…my pain despair and embarrassment would be too much to bear if rejected.

      All I can say is keep trying…if you keep trying there is still a chance of success.

      Hang in there and best wishes from someone who understands your pain.

    • Jaye says:


      I am a 59yr old female and so much of what you’ve said here I could have written. One difference is that I was very social and had friends when I was young and in college. That’s why this life I have now is so difficult. I never married, have no children, and have very little family left, all of whom don’t live anywhere near. I have a job that I love and I have what I call work acquaintances that I get along with very well. BUT, they all have their own friends and family. If I initiate a happy hour or something I might get a couple people to go, but I never get invited to anything in return. One friend I talk to a lot at work, I realized if I don’t go into her office to talk she doesn’t say anything to me all day! So then I feel like I’m forcing her to talk to me. So many times I just wish I had someone to call. My phone never rings. I know people say, “you’re never going to meet people sitting at home” which I know is true, but I don’t enjoy going places by myself. Going to the art fair or to a play or even out to eat just isn’t enjoyable for me by myself. It just makes me more sad. I’ve never struggled with depression and don’t feel that I’m “clinically” depressed now, just sad that I don’t have any friends! One thing I know is that it’s tough being a single person in a world that seems made for couples! I also feel certain that people I know at work would be surprised to know how alone I feel……I think I come across as social, confident,etc.

    • Cynthia says:

      Hi Barbara,
      I hear you! I turned 50 last year and moved to another country. It’s hard to make friends, and none of the friends I had before are keeping in touch. It’s always me who has to initiate. I have a bunch of “friends” who think “catching up” on the phone every four months is what friendship is about, when I call them. Several days ago I resolved to stop calling them friends, in my mind, and to just let them go. I owned up to the fact that I am alone. I’m saying it out loud. I am alone. And actually I feel much better this way, although it stings. So, what now? It’s inspiring, or alleviating, to read that I’m not that alone, that there are other people out there feeling alone. … To you, personally, I would also like to say that you have depth, and that you can write. I like the “yawning spasm of emptiness”. Keep exploring and expressing yourself! All the best.

  132. Ricky says:

    I thought I was the only one dealing with lonliness and depression as everyone around me is happy. I am so lonely. I hate my life. I am 20.

    • Jak says:

      Same ex cheated on me with a few people and.i split up with her,she was my first love and that was 3 years so messed up in my head because i just dont no what i done wrong,i didnt cheat or treat her horrible at all and she just completely took all my covidense away i cant even look at someone in the face or make a conversation with them i feel like no wants the talk to me of befriend me,i only have two close friends and they dont visit for getting a new relationship i just cant talk to a women because my ex has made think i not worth shit and i just.dont think i can take another heartbreaking moment like that again.i dont go out because i think everyones talking about me.i feel alien and ugly and like im not suppost to even be here its got to a point where iv looked into countrys where it legal to die because.i just feel like there nothink for me no future no family kids nothink,that is what my ex made me feel like and as a male i thought i was the only person this was happening to.

    • Fan says:

      I am a 20 year old female. I think that i have friends that dont care about me though i think that some of them used me and just hang out with their other friends and they all have their own circle of friends and i am just me being completely left out and awkward. I felt like i have no one to confide in. I never had a boyfriend since birth and it makes me think that no one really wants someone like me whether it is to become their friends or someone more than that. My highschool friends have their own circle of friends and i am not and it makes me think that there have to be something wrong with me. I felt that i am not wanted in any groups of friends amd that thought make me feel like a loser, depressed. I wonder if i could survive in university being like this. I really want to have some friends, is that really is a big thing to ask for?

  133. Jim says:

    My regrets are born upon me like the turning of the day unceasing unrelenting a constant restraint to joy and peace and as such envelope me within their stark embrace.
    No amount of supplication or reflection will remove their voice from within my mind.
    The efficacy with which they engage their craft is as admirable as it chilling…
    Their intentions never to be deterred only the sweet invitation of sleep and the pharmacists trade can supplant their affliction from my soul.

  134. Laura says:

    Hi…I am Laura a 54 year young female. I just lost my mother of whom I Cared for 10 devoted years. I have been lonely and depressed for many years and don’t no how to sever the feeling. I moved to a new state 11 years ago and I devoted my time to her. I still miss and cry for her daily. I was unable to have children and don’t have family or friends other than my brother which I care for. Help…I am lost and ask myself what am I here for? I feel I am fairly intelligent and I am complimented on often. However, I feel my personal situation doesn’t allow me to offer anyone myself. I am afraid and leery of everyone…meaning trust. I am very bubbly and kind socially to the outside world because it is a temporary interaction. I feel so sad and lonely. I talk to my cat as though he is human. I don’t go out to clubs or social events because I am alone and don’t no how to converse when entering a well as safety. I have a tendency to intimidate people. I was told due to a person being rejected and no one likes that feeling. So I sit alone. If anyone has any suggestions…please email. I put it in Gods hands and ask please please don’t let me die alone! Signed…destined.

    • sam says:

      “Whatever the cause of loneliness, for the Christian the cure is always the same—the comforting fellowship of Christ. That loving relationship with our Master has reassured and encouraged countless thousands who languished in prisons and even went to their deaths for His sake. He is the friend who “sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24), who lays down His life for His friends (John 15:13-15), and who has promised never to leave us or forsake us but to be with us until the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). We can take comfort in the words of the old hymn that says it best: “Friends may fail me, foes assail me, He is with me to the end. Hallelujah, what a Savior!”

      Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

    • Barbara says:

      Laura, I can definitely sympathize with you. I also took care of my elderly parents until they passed away. My mom died 5 years ago, she was my best – and only – friend for many years, and I still miss her. More than that, I miss the structure and sense of purpose that came with caring for her. I don’t have the answers, as I’m also struggling with being unable to make friends, but please know that somebody understands what you’re going through and cares.

  135. Sandy says:

    Hi, I am a 45 year old female who wants to just die. I had a boyfriend, alot of new friends, and a small family. I have no other relatives that I am really close with. I.have never been married and no children. And everyone says I am pretty, smart and fun to be around but yet I am alone most of the time. Last year I lost my job and then my relationship fell apart. To this day i try and save my relationship but I guess alot of my insecurities ruined it. I feel I have no reason to go on. I

    actually just got a new job and start in a few days but don’t feel like it will make a difference. I am so in love with this man and always thought we would build a life together and have a family. Has been 4 years. I just want to give up. I am in
    therapy but still feel what is the point. If it is just me most of the time what is the point. I force myself to socialize but feel empty. Friends are friends but how will I get that family at this age? I I have never felt so bad in my life. I feel I have nothing to offer anyone. I sit and hope someone will call and I know they care but they are busy with their lives. So sad. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    • Yvette says:

      I lord I feel the same way. I have no family except my parents. I am terrified when they die, I will not have anyone. I have always put others before myself. I am an only child. I have no children. I feel hopeless, useless, used by people. I am so good hearted people have always took advantage of me. I went to therapy once and when the counselor asked me what the happiest moment of my life was I couldn’t think of one time I was happy. I will be 50 in Sept. I worry I will just end it one day. My grandfather and his brother killed themselves. I worry for myself. I sit and cry all the time. I am crying as I type this. How are you?

      • Angy says:

        hold on tight, don’t kill yourself. We all are suffering something. My mother is going through and reading this made me feel what if this is what she is thinking too? You might never know the pain you leave the few who genuinely and secretly adore you.

        • Carol says:

          I know the pain left behind by my 1st husband. He killed himself on my birthday 40 years ago! I went through guilt (What more could I have done for him?) , anger, hate (thought he was selfish to leave me in a lurch with a big mortgage, thought he was a coward and questioned his love for me). Because I couldn’t function anymore, I had to quit work and go through 2 years of intense therapy. I truly believe what my psychiatrist told me “They always leave a victim!” I was his victim and I didn’t deserve this! As a child, he had been in 37 foster homes and at an early age began drinking. Hence, he became a very depressed alcoholic. He was intelligent, loved children and very talented in different areas. But nothing could make him happy in this life! What a wasted life and what a great loss!

          And this birthday past, I remembered…………

    • Jaye says:


      I hope your new job is going well, and that you’re meeting new people. I am 59, female, also no family to speak of. I’ve never been married and have no children. I often wonder why God put me here, if just to be alone my whole life, that seems cruel. I have a job where I help college students, that helps me when I see that I’ve made a difference in someone’s life. I’m grateful for what I do have and that maybe the fun times I had in college and growing up are what I get in this life. It does seem like I’m supposed to be alone because everyone that is brought into my life that I get along with really well, etc. leaves, for one reason or another.

  136. Tya says:

    Hi..I’m facing my worst days right now…Having done a stupid blunder, I lost my friends who were once my backbone support…I really miss them these days and since I pursue my Post Graduation, I could not spend time without bumping into them..I feel so isolated and even after me realizing the mistake and taking initiatives in talking with them..they pay no heed to those. The way they look even kills me and the way how others talk among themselves feels painful..Many nights for the past 3 months have been spent crying..Right now I’m frustrated, depressed and isolated..Wishing upon a happy change that all come back to the good old joyful days..This is not ME for sure..I always be with friends and a happy-go-lucky girl..But all turned out to be dark..Let the happiness sunshine…But in deep sorrow I’m sharing this here..At least I feel a bit consoled.

    • Liz says:

      Me too- I lost any friends I had. I blame some of it on my mental health and some of it as them just being petty bitches. I,too, showered them with apologies and the chance to talk. I have no idea why people are so cruel and hurtful. I am definitely not the same girl either. I lost my self esteem when 8 people cut me out of their lives in the span of a year. Waiting for things to turn around-/ pray for a friend every single night. Anyway, if you ever want to talk, let me know!

  137. Megan says:

    I’m 28 and it’s a struggle to have any kind of life being different is a blessing and at the same time a curse….

  138. TheGhostofBelleStarr says:

    I’m 58, in the past 4 years my best friend was killed in a car accident, my only sibling a sister died of a very aggressive cancer and my husband who I had been with since I was 16 died of pneumonia. Both parents are dead so now I have living family. My husband and I were homebodies and introverts so our social circle was not broad.

    I have a couple friends. But I want to be more involved in life. Being an introvert and having always suffered from depression my whole life it is going to be very difficult for me to make a new life. Like many here I suffer with those same dogged thoughts of rejection, I’m not good enough, something is wrong with me, no one likes me.

    Unfortunately I can see myself alone and lonely for the rest of my days. I feel I do not have much if a personality so who would what to be friends with me.. I’m not good at small talk or bs.
    I can only hope I do not live too long I suppose so I can join all my loved ones.

    I am going to try and force myself to join Widows and social groups.

  139. Oliver says:

    A pseudo poem about my depression

    the twilight of my happiness broke
    and I started to brake with it
    I can’t do this again
    never knowing who is on my side
    who cares about me loves me
    or who see’s the truth
    that I am a miserable little creep
    a nothing with no wisdom to offer
    no interesting anecdotes
    who do I have left to save me
    who do I deserve
    who will leave when I share this burden
    who will never see me in the same light again
    I don’t want to do this anymore
    I want to end the whole thing
    but I wont and cant
    I don’t have the courage
    I hope happiness dawns again soon

    • Tya says:

      This is the reality which anyone who feels lonely seek for…

      • dan says:

        11 years ago I had a wonderful marriage a good business money everything is falling apart I own my house nothing brings me pleasure I exist waiting to die I never hear from my kid that we were inseparable they have turned him against me the cord has lied the school has lied and beside my dog I have nothing to live for I won’t kill myself I’ll just die from not taking care of myself my family is the worst in the world I am well liked but I have no good friends left that were like brothers nothing brings me pleasure I can’t leave the house I don’t belong in a psych ward I’ve articulate I know what’s going on I am solo I see no way out and not one person gives a fuck about me and it’s worse than death or torture and I live Watch Me Whip all life of shit I exist I once wanted to live till 200 now I just wait to die in my house and no one even calls or knows I was a famous sports participant athlete now I’m nothing I care about nothing but my dog and my son who doesn’t care about me because he was taken by an unjust corupt Court I am going to die a very sad life my son is all fucked up from drugs and his mother puts them on my dog is 17 when he goes who knows I won’t commit suicide but I will die of natural causes soon

  140. L. says:

    It is intriguing to see so many different perspectives on loneliness and depression. I was an only child, mostly homeschooled. There were a few painfully awkward attempts at normal socialization. My parents suffered ADD,bipolar disorder and had themselves endured abusive childhoods so it should not be surprising that they struggled not only to relate to each other but to the world in general. We were isolated as a family and we inflicted a great deal of pain on each other in our mutual state of depression, blaming one another and punishing one another for a mental torment we couldn’t quite understand. I think the isolation must have caused the depression for me at least. I never really caught on to socialization. I always had a very deeply buried resentment for people who weren’t as miserable as me and a fear of those who were. I think every one else could sense it I remember other children asking each other “what’s wrong with her?” They seemed disgusted as if I were a rotting corpse they’d stumbled upon. I don’t blame them. It’s like I was toxic. But when I was teen I met my husband who was so full of energy and warmth he wasn’t afraid of the dark clouds around me he thought I was beautiful because I was different, and he wasn’t afraid of all the years of pain lurking in my subconscious because he’d battled his own. It was like all the light I’d been denied suddenly exploded down on me at once and I was so glad I’d never ended my life and he was glad he’d never ended his.
    It should have been happily ever after right? Of course we still had to grow up. But we eloped as soon as I was old enough. We’ll be celebrating our 10th anniversary soon. I came out of my shell a bit thanks to his support but soon got pregnant. We had no money for child care and I have to stay home to raise children while he works long hours to support us. Latley I feel all the progress I made is lost. He does back breaking work and I can’t help him. He’s too tired to spend time with me. I feel so useless. Like I’m just wasting oxygen. My children are young but I’m afraid they’ll see me crying and start to wonder what’s wrong with me. I want to inspire them and shower them with positive energy so they never feel this but I’m failing more every day. I sort of blank out and wander to my bed curl up in the fetal position and cry and I can’t remember what it’s even about sometimes but sometimes it’s because I want to go back to when I first fell in love. And sometimes it’s because I’m afraid my life is so meaningless and my contribution to humanity so worthless that God would rather me dead . I think I should look for friends but I don’t know how. Usually when I talk people look at me funny like I’m crazy and then avoid me. I don’t have money or a car. I should be thankful my husband loves me. Sometimes he just ignores me. He’s always stressed and tired and has to self medicate just to keep working going weeks without a day off. And I’m here safe and sound where he left me like a pet cat. I should feel happy right? But I feel alone and meaningless. I feel guilty for being so sad when he works so hard. I can’t really find good reason for it but it won’t go away. The more I try to hide it the worse it gets. I could never afford therapy or real medication. I tried drugs but felt they made things worse. He says I should exercise and I want to but I can’t stay focused long enough to finish. I’ll start and then my focus fades and I wander away. I’m overwhelmed by house work. I can’t think we’re to put things or remember what task I’m supposed to be accomplishing. I can’t even remember to drink. I stare at the walls mostly. I’m always sleepy. I don’t know what to do. My life will never be better than this, if I can’t be happy and friendly now how can i ever be?

    • Maria says:

      L. I wish I had magical words to heal you. I wish I had money to help you. I wish I had wings to save you. But I don’t have any of those things. Just a sad story of my own. Hang in there friend, maybe some day the light will come back to us.


    • Kate says:

      Maybe you could look into your local community and see if they have any support groups available, or speak to your doctor and tell them how you are suffering. Maybe start off small with taking the kids for a walk with you, that might motivate you more and they might ask you too. You could always ask your husband if there is anything he needs or what you could do to help. It might make you feel less useless if you show him you’re making a change by going for walks or is there a course you could study or a hobby you could find and get interested in. The more you sit around isolated and thinking the worse you will get you have to find the strength within yourself to start making small changes, one step at a time. Have you heard of meetup . com it’s a website for people who want to meet up and make new friends..Stop over thinking so much and stop assuming what people think of you, just because you think that way, doesn’t make it true.

    • Anonymously says:

      Take your kids out and play, if you can find a group activity in your area with other parents and children try that out. Keep your kids too busy to see the depression or become depressed themselves, maybe after time you will be to busy with intrests to be depressed yourself. Your children are the ultimate contribution to humanity, focus on creating a positive role model and experience for them.

    • Anonymous says:

      Wish there was a way to communicate outside of this forum. I can connect with you on a few different levels. I too come from a family that did not socialize, I also have a loving husband and three children but no friends due to my social anxiety and weirdness. My husband works 12 hour days and we spend only an hour together at night before he’s exhausted and wants to sleep. It would be nice to share a kinship with you. Hope you find the strength to try some of the suggestions offered here…I will try to too.

    • Sandy says:

      Hi, it is amazing how depression effects everyone differently. I say this because instead your story and I would so love to have children who need me and a husband who loves me. I know you are it differently but I am 45 yrs old and never been married and no children, was just dumped by the man of my dreams and now losing some mutual friends because they have known him longer than me so I am starting over. I really have no one for support. I have some good friends and a brother and his family but everyone is busy. Both my parents are gone. I do understand you feel bad but you have children and that is a blessing. They need you, want you and will always be there for you I feel I will grow old by myself and if I ended my life today it would take a week or so for anyone to figure it out..I don’t mean to sound more depressing than you may feel but my therapist told me to be grateful for the things we do have. You have a family and to me that is what counts

      • Thea says:

        I agree Sandy. I am crying while I read all the sadness and despair on here. Like many others, Im a middle aged women who is quiet, socially isolated, with no friends or family other than my very elderly parents who I care for. WhIle they are emotionally abusive, when they go I will have no one at all, no purpose or reason to go on and no financial means of survival. Studies have shown that it is family that helps people endure during the most difficult times, sadly its not faith or anything else. No one can understand that sense of utter hopeless depression and loneliness unless they are faced with such all consuming overwhelming loss, luckily few are. The reality is, when it comes to the crunch, family is often the difference between life and death.

  141. Shirley says:

    I am 57 woman who has no friends just lost job I loved and by looks of it not going to be able to get another one brought up 8 children who don’t bother with us unless they need something did take numbers of people worked with with promised we would met up and keep in touch but just things said but really meant husband no good with dealing with my emotions really trying to stay positive no people much worse off then me

  142. Mimi says:

    I am too going through depression and decided to seek therapy.
    I still feel lonely and depressed but im trying to stay positive and hope it will pass soon because everything passes.

    I want to say that to you but also to myself:
    You are all beautiful people and this is only a phase.
    We will get through this shitty situation and will show everybody who doubted us how strong we are.
    There’s a plan for us all !

    I love you guys !

  143. Nerdy Anarchist says:

    This might be an old post, but I need somewhere to vent, and tell my story.. I’m a 30yo Male, and I’ve isolated myself for over 8 years now. It of course became worse over time, to where I began refusing to even leave my house, except for the need of purchasing the essentials to survive(I rarely ever eat, I eat to live, not live to eat, human gluttony disgusts me). Needless to say, my friends became very annoyed with my extreme reclusiveness, and eventually, as I expected would happen, they all gave up. Now no one comes around, which oddly doesn’t phase me. No need for pointless human interactions I suppose.. I tell myself my Social Isolations, was a choice of mine. After so long it really began to seem that way, but of course that’s not the case. I have other psychological disorders that are considered severe by any psychiatrist. It’s been more then 3 years since I’ve admitted myself willingly in any kind of institute. I’ve completely stopped going to all doctors. So no, I have not been taking any prescribed medications, despite the warnings from psychiatrists if I did so. I’ve written myself a reminder to make an appointment, but its nothing but BS that wont happen. The problem is, my depression keeps me from even bothering with help, although I know my life is wasting away. I suffer from BPD as well, which decides the outcome of my day. Even if I wanted to go to some social watering hole, I can’t make or even keep plans. I never know how i’ll feel on that particular day. The last time I hung with friends, I became extremely overwhelmed from all the people crowding me(even though they really weren’t), and I deffinitely can not handle the loud persistent chattering and laughing. All this causes bad Anxiety which eventually turns into anger and anxiety. when I become annoyed or angry I have to leave before my attitude gets the better of me, and causes harm to myself or others. Due to this, I can’t go to any department store, social gatherings, or any crowded places. This has all effected my life way more then just socially, I have COPD, so I cannot work, even if I find a job, my shitty attitude always gets me fired. This all adds to my Apathy. I personally don’t want to hate being around people. Nowadays, I don’t care about much of anything, such as, money, marriage, having children, or any kind of relationship either sexual or friendly. People I know personally, friend and family alike, all either ignorantly or refuse to understands what I go through daily, despite my best efforts to explain my bizarre actions. I feel as if I’m a lost cause, always thought I’d die young anyways. I’m a good example of what happens when Social Isolation is left untreated, along with other Disorders. I of course want to change my life for the better, I live with a lot regret. Even so, years from now, I’ll most likely be in the same troubling predicament i am now. I’m sure just like every other person(s) whose also commented on this topic, told their story in hopes of maybe helping someone, by pointing out the effects of Social Isolation, and the causes and effects when someone’s Social Isolation becomes Extreme. So much life passes you by. Eventually you’ll have nothing but anger and regrets.

    • Anon says:

      You sound a lot like my ex, she suffers from anxiety, depression, and she believes BPD but none of it has been diagnosed as she needs to keep her job. She has MS which preys on her physically but more than it affects her mentally.

      We were in a very happy relationship or so I believed from, we had so much in common, had wonderful holidays to places like mexico (we live in europe so bit of s big deal here), we were talking about the future, marriage, kids etc, then one day in October she messages me from work saying she wants to be in her own.

      i talked to her and she broke down crying saying she isn’t capable of being in a relationship, that we want different things and we’re different people, all of which is complete rubbish as she is wrong but that’s how she feels in her head, then she told me she thinks she’s got BPD, and depression and anxiety is caused by her MS.

      I tried again to talk to her multiple times, I tried to empathise with her, but she is dead set and now really apathetic, saying I don’t understand what she is going through. She absolutely broke my heart, but I still love her but more than that I feel sorry for her and worry so much about her.

      She hides everything from her friends and family i’m the only person who saw her at her lowest but now she won’t even speak to me, I have been completely frozen out, but from work colleagues of ours she “is fine”.

      I know she isn’t fine and she is suffering in silence when she doesn’t need to, I told her my door is always open. I fear one day she may do something really silly as quite a few of the people do in my profession as they can’t get the help they need or they will lose their job. I also know I can’t keep trying to contact her as it would constitute harassment.

      I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, do I risk trying to contact her for her to possibly get annoyed and say something that will make me lose my job, do I say nothing and watch this once wonderful person destroy themselves, do I speak to someone in my job and have them removed but get them the help they need alternatively this could “push” them over.

      All this is making me depressed, I never have had a large social network and I put everything into this relationship before we broke up, now I sit and worry by myself with no one to talk to.

      Mental health is a bitch, it affects more than just the individual, it affects people that love them as well, it’s kinda contagious in a way.

      Guess what i’m trying to say is you think people are being ignorant or can’t understand but they probably do understand, of course they don’t know how you think but I guarantee they care.

      The mind of someone in their lowest depression is very irrational, a person who isn’t suffering from depression will never know how that feels but at the same time those suffering need to understand their mind is not behaving as it would normally and not to give up on people simply because their mind thinks they have given up on them, this is way too easy to say and very difficult to put into practice without professional support and possibly medication.

      Your brain can develop problems like any other part of your body, if you suffered from a broken arm would you not get it set in a cast?

      You recognise your brain has an issue why shouldn’t you have it looked into, so what if you you need therapy, you would need physical therapy for physical injury, so what if you need medication, develop a dodgy ticker and you take meds every day for the rest of your life.

      The stigma of support for mental health lays at the feet of both those suffering and those that don’t suffer, both groups need to accept the brain can break like the kidneys, the arm, the leg, the liver, or any other part of your fleshy meat bag you call a body and do what you need to (and deep down if you thought about it rationally want to) do.

      This may sound like i’m preaching, or ranting, and I am in a way, I wish I could say this to my ex because I don’t think as long as I live i’ll ever love anyone as much as I do her but I feel I have lost her forever to mental health stigma, get the support, the help, the medication, whatever you need, I don’t care what it is, just do what’s right for yourself and those that love you because people do love you.

      • Robert says:

        I can relate to bits and pieces of everyone’s stories! Only child, KIND OF A LONER and as a result invested everything in romantic relationships. Attracted many women with lots of baggage, and spent almost my whole young years trying to “fix” and rescue” I suppose at some deeper level it was a way to barter for Love and loyalty.
        At 55, I find myself alone and fractured memories of failed relationships. Hardly anyone alive from family and No male friends. Most of my so called male friends were really just allies on a barter system that was skewed, i.e. Do for me as much as possible but don’t ever ask for much in return and we can stay friends…..

        A few years ago I ended my last dysfunctional female relationship when I concluded that I was in my 50’s, with little savings and no family or friends heading down the path of complete RUIN!
        Completely focused on generating a cushion of financial security, today I am worth about $175K.
        Still in the same social situation as before however, at the least, I feel some safety and somewhat insulated from the disasters of being all alone and without anyone to help me if I fall…..

  144. Sarah says:

    I’m 60 and have felt lonely all my life. But in the past 10 years I lost everything- home, family, friends, career, either to death, suicide or people wanting nothing to do with me after I was hospitalized for treatment resistant depression. Everyone abandoned me. I was so sick with depression and still am that I don’t know how to reach out, koi with people who might be a friend, I just don’t even get out of bed. I live alone, no one calls or visits. I was fired from the last jobs I managed to get for “being mentally ill”. I want a friend so much but have lost hope that anyone would want to hear about the real me though I’d listen to them. I talk to my cats and go no where. I live on a litt disability. I’ll never have a life and hope I die young.

    • Michael says:


      I feel as you do. I know the pain of enduring day after day in despair. Please know that there are others like us who do go on. I often think that I want to leave this world and the misery that I feel. The reason I press on is that I have a 15 yr old son who is my life. I understand you have lost many close to you but realize there are those who love you and people like me who would gladly be your friend. I pray for God to comfort you.

      Your friend Mike

    • Mimi says:

      Hey Sarah,
      I am going through depression too!
      And I want u to know that you are not alone !!
      I’m working on my depression with my therephist and hoping for better days to come as hard as i can because I don’t want to waste my life. I think u should go to therapy, it might not solve it immodestly but it will help a little and make u feel like u have somebody to talk to.

      You’re not alone!
      And from one human to another -you are loved !


    • christina says:

      I understand-I grew up with a mother who just couldn’t seem to, “attach” to me, she’s just never loved me-I’ve walked around with a big empty space inside.She would give a bit of affection then just as quickly withdraw it. My father was always working, he had big dreams for himself and became successful but it was a very lonely childhood. If your own mother doesn’t care for you, like you or love you then how can someone else?
      I’ve always found it very difficult to make friends-truthfully, I don’t try as hard as I should, I’ve been rejected so many times that I’m weary. I feel like I don’t fit in. I don’t know what it is exactly-I wish I knew so I could try to change it. I had a drinking problem in my twenties but I’ve been sober in AA for over 24 years – even in AA I can’t make friends. 24 years and I have no long term friends-this is considered incredibly strange in AA-it’s been pointed out to me, so I pretend I know more people than I do. I’m always pretending..I look good on the outside, I look nice, nice clothes, car, house but it’s an act and I feel like a fraud. I know people have no idea how incredibly lonely I am.
      . My husband of 18 years, suddenly decided Sept 2016 he didn’t want to be married. It came as a total shock to me and my 12 year old son. We were both traumatized -my son & I returned from holiday, my husband pulled me in a room, and told me everything that was wrong with me, everything I had done wrong for the 19 years we’d been together. He really can hold a resentment and lacks any grace to forgive mistakes from years ago. I’m devastated. I don’t have anybody I can talk to besides my therapist. I read a lot-I’ve discovered Buddhism since he left, which has helped. My son will be gone in a few years and then I will be totally alone. I try to not to think about it – Fear is a horrible emotion. It’s so crippling. I’m 53, a nice looking woman but I have a lot of emotional scars-I can’t imagine who will want me-what man will want a woman without friends, I still have several old scars on my wrists, a long ago suicide attempt, another really horrible scar on my arm. I sit and cry every day.
      The ironic thing is in the last two years I had really pushed myself and my life had gotten better, I felt emotionally healthy, I was getting out of the house, making superficial friends but it was a start –I felt like I was finally starting to get some place-I was opening up and sharing in AA meetings, helping newcomers but the better I felt, the more the my husband pulled away from me. I thought he’d be so happy to see me happy and doing well but it was exactly the opposite. He’s moved on so quickly-he hasn’t been kind-I’d hoped we could at least be cooperative, kind and respectful to each other but he needs to be angry to assuage the guilt of leaving. I believe we can find meaning in this suffering but it’s a painful road. The loneliness is the hardest part.

    • Marci says:

      Hi Sarah. Although my story is not exactly the same, we have several feelings, emotions, and traits in common. During my marriage….separated and heading toward divorce now, I also lost things. I feel guilty, ashamed, and angry for allowing myself to be a victim at the hands of another human being. I used to be a strong, confident woman. I am completely guilty and angry at myself for allowing my husband to slowly and deliberately strip me of my home, my friends, my money, my confidence, self esteem, and more. Over time, I became a shell of my former self. After spending 23 years climbing corporate ladders , meeting and exceeding my goals, and finding success as a woman in a man’s world, I wanted to do something different. My daughters (from my first marriage) were both grown and living their own lives. So when I did meet a new man…we lived together 8 years and married 2…asked me to work with him, I said yes. And now, I am living day to day, depressed, lonely, scared, and so on. I have about 3 friends that have hung in there with me. I lost faith and trust in people. I found out that their are a lot of unkind people, people that thrive on untrue gossip, people that manipulate, have hidden agendas, etc…people that I thought were my friends. Now I am talking to myself, talking to my cats and my plants. I have no ambition, happiness or hope. And more recently have been having those thoughts of just ending this misery once and for all. I know this is a dangerous space for me and others to be in. Please keep trying different things…get outside yourself…help someone, join a support group and maybe a group or club that you think would interest you. I am going to. I promise! Life has wonderful experiences to offer. Please give it a try and those thoughts of wanting to die young in an imaginary box, lock the box, and throw that key away! Write your commitments…steps you WILL take, to make a better path for yourself. I will too. Now…let’s do it! Best wishes…

  145. Candy says:

    Hi my name candy.iv never bin lucky finding frends .I tried so much .it’s always me that runs after friendships. I’m 43 now bin on me own 4 9yrs now.mum well she 8ts me coz my brother raped me .it stop came out 6yrs ago.i got married at 19 to a man that beat me wasn’t alourd to have frends or look at a man .after 14yrs I left him.still on me own ad 3 kids bye him but after they was out of 2ndy school he toke my son he was 11.dint c him 4 4yrs .then he toke my 2 girls age 9.and 12 .9 yrs now ant sin them .I ad little brake down.i started to have pains in my head.6yrs now.i fault I was gonna die .have in no frends our family eat me up .I cleaned 5house a day 21 in a wek my own private jobs.but pains was so bad.then a wonderfully man who I married loves me .but I still cry over not seeing my kids .I never done enythibg only leave him.i never get over it .mum lives not door.she wood burning nice to strangers to make her self look good she left me dad 4 nover man and he comes 1st .she loves her son and if the rape come out she wood my sisters mum .left me 4 dead. It’s brought on .burning braine it’s like hot boiling water running down side yr head .it never go .it’s sad I no .but have in my husband is everything.but I’m still lonley .just want to make frends meet up have chat coffee or wat ever.b nice if a couple as I got husband .b4 he got wiv me he meet up down pub wiv he mates but then he’s marriag slit up she went of wiv summone so he lost he’s mates coz he lived wiv dose get lonely but we try make the most of wat we got.i got so much more to say .but u got to move 4wood. Coz my braine will burn .so it be nice to she a chat make new frends av a laugh a fank candy

  146. Katie says:

    I have never heard any one else describe the conflict I feel between lonliness and depression as well as you did. I’m honestly not even sure I had realized that that was a huge conflict in my life until I read this! I feel like I am in a constant battle between being so lonely I coud die and being so depressed that I want nothing to do with anyone. A few months after graduating college my mom became ill and I became her caregiver for the next 5 years until she passed away two years ago. I am having such a difficult time dealing with not only losing my mom, but she was my best friend in the world. We had such a crazy special relationship and I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore without her. I’m not sure I can handle the level of pain that I feel on a daily basis and I find myself functioning less and less. I have lost several family members in the past several years and after my mom died my brother and dad basically turned against me and I am finding myself utterly alone for the first time in my life. I have tried to reach out to old friends but it seems like every one is in their own world. I’m at the end of my rope- I’m trying so hard to stay positive and do what I need to do to get out of this hole but I’m waking up everyday feeling worse and worse. Anyway, I’m glad I ran into this page as it gave me some clarity about my situation and how my lonliness and depression are at odds with each other.

    • Anonymously says:

      Hang in there, I am about to graduate and feel like a similar situation may happen to me, but with no job and after leaving a life that now doesn’t seem so bad, to go back to school for a better life, which seems impossible now. I hope things get better for you.

  147. Ryan says:

    I’m 22, basically have a handful of friends that have all moved off to university to make a life for themselves and I’m stuck in this dead-end town in a pretty demanding job that feels like its crushing me.

    Sometimes it can be the smallest of things that can set my depression off, really stupid things. I’m then left in this horrible state where I’m scared of the world around me. I’ve been dealing with this for well over a year but now I feel so crippled by it all, I spend most nights lying in bed wishing I just had someone to listen to me. I talk to those friends I mentioned before through facebook daily but I can never bring myself to tell them how I’m truly feeling, what I have left of my pride just doesn’t allow it.

    Honestly I feel so pathetic.

    • tigerlily says:

      Your high school friends are no more accessible, they are off finding new directions and life like you are. Don’t follow them so closely, they are now your old friends, but you may go back to them later in life. You are young and need to get more outgoing even if it is difficult. Take a course, go to the gym, learn a sport, go dancing, start a weekend volleyball team, find a second job . I found more friends thru my jobs always had two at your age. Be positive.

      I am very shy and insecure, but, I am also wise and have a good sense of humor – my few friends see this as positive…I have several dear friends now by finding one good overly extroverted outgoing friend, then met all her friends. I have a best cousin and a best friend from high school (reconnected) and my good friend from my 30’s ( and her bfriend) and old boss who is a good friend. I am not a jealous friend, , I try to find good qualities in everyone. Also , Quality over quantity when it comes to friends…

      You are not pathetic, you have a job and free will, you are a step ahead compared to other places. Accept your self or change or move or just decide to wake up happy, you are in control.

      Celebrate each day, you are young and in good health. I am old with many problems and some health issues so I can say that you should try to make these years best times of you life.

      Take care ,

  148. Ann Marie says:

    I cope with depression, anxiety, fear and anger daily by walking with God,do spiritual reading,pray,,work Emotions Anonomous,12 steps,slogans,replace drug,drink with people,feelings and Recovery Inc. based on Mental Health through Will Training book by Dr. Abraham Low. Attend support group online on Sundays 8-9:30. Cost $30/yr membership. Great program.

    Typical meeting donation is a buck a meeting or $4 a month or $48 a year so less than typical. There are quotes in book can cling to when in symptoms such as if down, ‘move a muscle, change a thought’. If nervous, ‘just the outpouring of a nervous imbalance’, fear,’are a capable lot but paralyze ourselves with fear’,anger, ‘temper begets temper’ ‘is a luxuury can’t afford’ Basis of mental illness is anger and fear.

    Judge,don’t accept, compare self to others. Project negative feelings onto others so think out to get us and feel as we do about selves when often people into selves,thinking how they are coming across and wondering what others think of them! Paranoid. Some degree normal. When to extreme that effects functioning and one avoids people, going outside,places, oversensitivity to criticism, misinterpreting what people say and right away think is a criticism or take each affront alleged as personally!, is a problem.

    Avoid the labels of mental illness and diagnoses. Are for insurance purposes only. Chip away daily at the thoughts,feelings and changing self defeating behavior to have a more enjoyable life and self concept. Keep busy too, preferably doing what enjoy. Appliles to work and when not working. Watch what think and say. Be positive,feel and behave better. Take meds as prescribed if recommended.

    Exercise,eat well,get fresh air,light,volunteer to get out of head and self, not all about us all the time. We are just not that important. Not movie,rock stars,etc. just people. Strive to be average. Is our fear that we want to be be perfect but fear we are less than average. Many of us are well-educated,smart but..self-absorbed to the point of being bores.

    Develop good social skills and a caring attitude of service and generosity and you will find slowly that things will improve and turn around for you. If people dislike you, keep it moving. Even jesus dusted his feet off when talking to a wall and went on to next! We are not Jesus. Helped,cured and still was killed.

    Many people are mean,ignorant. Just the way it is but not all. Strive for the good and to see the good in people and drop the judgement. Many of us were judged harshly so do the same. Seek out people who can be honest with us in a nice way so can grow as human beings. See what may be doing wrong so can change. Ex. gossip. Here’s to your health!

    “as a man thinketh is he’

    ‘Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent’ -Eleanor Roosevelt

    • Thea says:

      I agree with what you say Ann and for many years I did many of the things you mentioned. It helped with depression and they are all great coping mechanisms. It is about working on and changing oneself, so that if and when opportunities arise we are able to make the most of them and hopefully grow in Christ. Yet depression is a combination of both personal and external influences, so it is only addressing part of the problem. The reality is that opportunities required to change oppressive citcumstances do not always come by us, especially as we get older and or our circumstances isolate us from others. Opportunites are always greater for the young, outgoing, attractive or talented ones. We may not even have the money or time to attend courses and work so diligently on ourselves. If our circumstances remain the same and are negative, oppressive and unsupportive of all the internal growth and effort we put in, then all the works of faith will simply not sustain us. Though I still try to retain a mustard seed of faith for God’s mercy and intervention in my life before it is too late, sadly I have found Christians to be most judgemental and critical, emphasising ones ability to change through faith and work, while denying the reality that we do not act alone in the world and showing love and compassion for those less fortunate.

  149. jinu says:

    hi i am housewife got two kids. ever since i moved with my husband i am haunted with depression because the way i looked at fiends was totally different from the way my husband had. i dont want to call a person friend if that person is not sincere. so i hardly got any friends but husband got lot, so everyone find me alien in the group. i tried to speak about with my husband but he said i need to find my own to get out of depression and sadness. it been 6 yrs now still i find hard because i feel even my husband is keeping friends to those people i hate. is it because i think negative about everything this happening or is it because i need one shoulder i could cry and they could say ITS OK I WITH You

    • female says:

      I feel the same way. Im devorced. Meet a new guy i have two children and am very isolated. He socializes with any walk of life. And because I dont I dont have a socail circle.

    • Paula says:

      Hi, I can really relate to what you are saying. I too do not want to have friends if they aren’t sincere. I feel sometimes like I’m too hard on what friends I do have and struggle understanding if it’s me or just my situation. I suffer from chronic low grade depression and have all my adult life. I am also naturally introverted and feel exhausted and uncomfortable in situations with more than one or two people. I’ve recently decided to give up on a “friend” after constantly being stood up for coffee dates . I’ve talked to my sister and husband who both feel like it’s the best move on my part. Unfortunately since then I’ve been experiencing a spiralling downward. Last year I had to make a similar decision which another friend who had blatantly used me and who’s husband I suspected of inappropriateness with my disabled son. Unfortunately she was the only one who understood me cause she herself struggled with depression. I long to reach out to her but can’t due to the danger it puts my son in.
      I’m such a giving person to friends that I end up with people who abuse it. I won’t let myself be walked over anymore. I wonder sometimes if it’s karma coming to haunt me. I’m so confused about how to maintain friends that I’m frozen in place. I don’t trust myself at all. I see people who have friends for years that are basically like family and I long for it. I feel so angry at these people for letting me down and using me and yet I’m angry at myself for no being able to understand how to navigate this thing called friendship. And I’m angry yet when the advice I get is to not be the person I am in order to have friends. I simply don’t get it. It’s like this weird labyrinth I can not solve. I’m so tired of trying to solve this and yet no way for me to leave it alone.

      • Liz says:

        You and me both girl. I want real genuine people for friends so I have the same issue with not being walked over. I feel like that strong personality trait drives people away when really it’s just there to protect you. I have been burned by so many girlfriends, some I’ve know for nearly a decade. But people change and I hope the new chapter of my life gets here soon!

  150. No name says:

    I am …..grateful but lost my attitude for gratitude. I feel down and last night felt like if God took me now then I was ok with that as I have done all I can do. I am not and never was suicidal I’m stuck and realise I am lonely and in a fog of depression.

    Basically What has caused this was recently working as an office manager 5.5yrs and made redundant without warning and given 1 hour to leave and say goodbye to an empty office was an adjustment I had to make – new management saw no value in me.
    Luckily my son had finished private school that year and We worked so hard to give him the best education and I was unhappy with the new boss and work ethics and how my employer treated people. It was not how I wanted to be treated. So I took this change as a blessing in disguise.

    My husband resigned that year too from poor management in his job and started his own business and I adopted or fell into the role as manager for our home business.

    Our business is expanding but I am only starting to learn a new role. New software and no office yet to call my own. My husband works 15 hours a day! He took his laptop to our once a year holiday to work on and off for the 9 days break. It is taking its toll

    My social and work ‘outside’ life has ceased. I get outside my front door once a week. Usually to attend church.

    I used to speak publicly as an advocate for depression and anxiety but have put that on hold. I was helping so many by my talks of hope and well being in recovery. . ATM I feel i would be talking empty words.

    My husband thinks I should feel great and free and keep the house clean and tidy and not he’s not stopping me from going for a walk. But I don’t have the want to walk I don’t have my freedom. I have lost my independence. I talk and hesitate when in public when we are together waiting for him to correct my speech. He loves me and would give me so much but I feel frozen and stuck!

    I wrote a book and it was published in 2014 and in the very early stages of working with a producer and small team who are exploring my story making it onto a film.

    My older siblings show hatred toward me and the closer siblings are supportive, including my parents. But the ones against my story are cruel and bullying and the Christmas Joy attempts were made to spoil that.
    I told my life story and instead of them pleased of my survival and recovery I am looked down upon as shameful to express how I felt and the stigma they have because of a sister with a mental issues.

    I survived a breakdown at 16 and relapses for 15 years and later post natal depression with my only son. I NEVER gave up but lady night I felt weak and tired. Tired of the bullshit

    Depression and anxiety is real and when we feel thrown on the scrap heap there is a reason why we feel that way.

    I am writing to this website totally out of the blue because I read comments today that I resonate with and although not a professional to give advice or take my own, it’s ok not to feel ok. If we see it then we can act on it.

    I’m looking for life choices and ATM the major one is to not isolate and be hidden behind my front door. I think I will try water aerobic classes for excercise. Cost effective. And to meet people outside my walls of isolation that I need to break through.

    My husband is at golf and he said I could walk holes with him and as nice as that was I need something for me. So thanks for this chance to vent as anonymous.

  151. Noname says:

    I see people post about feeling lonely but they have husbands or wives or family or friends. They say they still feel lonely because those people don’t want to listen to them or whatever.

    But what about about people who have none of those….who would love to even have little but? That person in the room with them at least. A person to even bounce small talk off of.

    What do people who don’t even have that little bit do? Those who are totally alone.

    • Noname says:

      I meant. … Would love to even have that little bit.

    • Michael says:

      I just wanted to say that you are not alone it’s amazing I feel exactly the same way I’m not trying mirror you to make a friend from despair
      I’ve had cancer and I have anxiety loneliness depression the same definition I feel less lonely that I was able to read there are people that feel very similar and I’m looking forward for more blogs like this
      Struggles are physical memory issues arthritis pain fibromyalgia brain fog feeling not worthy not working no social life I’m very fortunate I have a family I have a roof over my head I am trying to get mindfulness approach though it’s very challenging to apply because that negative mental chatter hard to block I believe in therapies actually that you confront your here around shoes when we leave you can relieve your Mysteries and hurts and pains anyway I have a tendency to put myself down as well and I don’t know why I do it you know when you go to cancer if you times and then a stem cell transplant you know you can look good and you look like you’re a real together person but there’s issues that goes on for some people . And yes when people ask me how am I doing they mean it and rhetoric so I say very very well and they’re shocked as I used to not say that and that even makes more people abandon you it’s so weird when you get in your abandoned by all the people you thought you were close to except your immediate family . Oh by the way instead of you about myself but you know what I think you know what I’m saying and I’ve known people that went back to work and they’re doing extremely well and good productive life I I’m tired of sitting and moaning about my condition so I’m going out of the shell in trying to meet people I have found myself very socially awkward for being such a Hermit I might have been out of practice for 7 years and you know everybody’s different we’re all different individuals and damn I like to be positive as I can by hanging around a good environment like the YMCA like you mention it that’s a really good thing and I go there but I don’t feel as lonely and I go to the pool and the hot tub and I do the nustep and recumbent bike so keep it up when I can exercise and feel more alive worst thing is to hang around the house and mope and feel sorry for myself there’s a lot to be grateful for

      • Noname says:

        I think your reply was supposed to go to
        “No Name” I am “Noname”. I wish someone would have responded to mine though.

        • So alone says:

          I absolutely agree with what u mentioned noname and I totally got what u were saying and being alone and totally alone means u have no one people having a wife a husband family or friends that’s not being alone I have no one I have opened up to people to let them know I’m dealing with alot and i’m alone and what happened I got no support and to me I feel they don’t care so no heartfelt for me it’s truly sad how people treat and act towards others when u let them know u need them that’s why I opened to them now I sit in my rm so alone I have said to myself who wants to live like this not me I wish I had someone to talk to and feel really care about and as u said noname who would love to have a little that’s I want

    • Nearly a ghost says:

      You ask what do people who have nobody. I can only speak for myself.
      Early mornings when despite tablets ( which have my head all messed up) I lie with that awful depression and hopeless thoughts. Memories of another rejection, when I have confided in a ‘friend’ inappropriately, one of the problems of being completely alone is a tendency to elevate friends, people who only want social company, into people who are very important. Add this to a fear of being rejected and it is self-full filling.
      I find I am such a sad person these days that I even envy people who have no family as it seems better than having family who either don’t like you or don’t want to bother. I have had to distance myself from my ‘family’ as they only hurt me.
      Where it is lovely to have a social life, to me nothing beats having that one special person who is there with you, on your side.
      I go to groups when the depression allows, I have made ‘friends’ but unfortunately sometimes when completely alone you can attract the wrong friends and I have just added more fodder to the low self-esteem pile.
      Now I think others must have been correct, the fault is with me, certainly now, as I have become dysfunctional with others and find it stressful, yet I know I need people.
      I have thought of suicide so often but for one reason or another did not do it, but I think when I do it will be sudden and impulsive as the blueprint is in my mind.
      I am old now but may have another 20 years, do not want to go on as I think I never learnt, except in shorts bursts, how to manage life. If you have a bad childhood, unless you happen to be lucky to meet a great partner, life is very hard.
      My marriage was a disaster which I stayed in too long, trying to ‘fix it’ or accept it. No children.
      Now, all completely alone.
      Please, nobody reply with platitudes.
      Dogs are the only friends worth having.

    • Sandy says:

      I agree, I hear people complain about people in their life, spouse not the best, kids acting up, parents are calling and nagging. Wow, I wish I hhad those problems because living alone and no one there is the worst feeling ever…i feel I just take up space…

  152. Trista says:

    I am excited to have found this site. I am 55 and have a caring husband & kids. I have struggled with depression all of my life & have been on many different medications over the years & also, a lot of therapy sessions. The depression has intensified since I started going through Menopause. Today, it is all I can do to be up & out of bed. I have lost friends & feel very lonely & isolated most of the time. Because of my faith & loving family, I wouldn’t commit suicide, but if God wanted to take me soon – that would be fine. I would have loved to be involved in a support group with other people dealing with depression, but that is non-existent in my area. I could really use a friend to talk to who understands.
    Thank you for listening. It helps to be able to talk about it.

    • Frances says:

      I don’t know how much I could help you because I am going through depression too, however knowing there is someone out there going through it helps not feeling alone, you can talk to me anytime, I will help as much as I can and maybe you can also help me. I will keep you in my prayers.

  153. Julie says:

    Hi had “2” friends who i thought supported me. Even thought my husband does. However one of them has distanced herself entirely from me and i think the other one is too. My husband doesn’t understand the self loathing which intensfies when something “little” to everyone else really upsets me. This situation with the two friends is all i think about. I am trying to get better. But i feel that they won’t be around to see the REALme.

  154. Nik says:

    This article completely spoke to me. I am 34 I have been fired and the only reason I can think of is that I had no desire to be there. Basically I live at home, I have maybe one good friend and I have no job. Recently I have been seeking some help, but I am afraid to try to make friends because it usually ends the same. Is there anyone out there around my age that has risen above and beat depression in their 30’s?

    • MikeyB says:

      31/single/male Unmarried Millenial w/o Kids:
      I’d like to think I’m in a similar boat as you, otherwise I wouldn’t be here the day before Christmas Eve literallt alone in my apt playing this unending relay out over and over in my head as to the multiple reasons why I am alone, lonely, in debt, heartbroken, depressed, addicted, confused, angry, envious, lethargic, distracted, and damn near me…you are not alone.
      It’s not natural for man to be alone; nor is it conducive to compliment solidarity with continuous nihilistic choices.

      Feel free to hit me up. I’d benefit from chopping it up with people who are going thru similar battles

      • Cynthia says:

        I’m in the same situation that you are in and I don’t know how to get out of it I’m 56 years old I want out and I don’t know what to do or how to do it I can’t sleep get up worried I don’t know what to do please reply back to me right now I need you to talk to me I am a female thank you sincerely Cynthia

        • kathy says:

          I am a 59 year old divorced female. I was fired from my last job. I have no friends and manage
          barely to keep a roof over my head and car payments etc. You are the first person who is near
          my age. I know what its like to be alone. I need someone to talk to also.

          • Sue says:

            Dear Kathy and Cynthia,
            I am a single 61 year old female. I have a grown son who has his own life. I don’t have any friends and have just been laid off from another crappy job. This has not always been the case, I was moderately successful until four years ago then it all went south. I now live in a dump, have no job and no prospects. I always assumed that by this stage in my life I would be looking forward to retirement. But I continue to struggle just like you Kathy to keep a roof over my head. I worry about becoming homeless. After I lost my job and had to sell my home last year it seems my son is disgusted with me. My family is dysfunctional and just doesn’t care, especially now. I want to change my life but its just been one thing after another and I don’t know how to overcome it all anymore. I don’t know how to make things better. I am losing the battle of trying to remain hopeful or positive and have become very negative and withdrawn. I have attended a local church and want to become social, make friends, create a better life but something holds me back and at the end of service I rush to my vehicle and feel relieved as the door closes and I am safe inside. What the heck has happened, what is wrong with me? I want to change but I am so afraid and so angry. Any suggestions?

      • Hannah says:

        I am 48. Widowed as of three months ago. My husband commit suicide. I am in a town where I don’t know anyone. I have no family for 2000 miles. No friends.
        I have chronic pain, PTSD. Fibromyalgia. Cfs. Severe depression all before he died.
        Now I’m wondering why am I here.
        I have a dog and three cats. I wake up for them.
        But it’s not enough anymore. I have nobody here to care. Trying to move back to where I was before we moved here. But if I can’t sell the house. I’m stuck.
        House isn’t selling.
        I can’t work. So I don’t even have a social life at a job
        I go to my drs spots a couple days a week. I come home and take pain medication and antidepressants to keep myself from dying.
        Now I wonder if any of its worth it. I have no motivation. No future. No goals. Nobody loves me. Nobody to love. I’m isolated and hanging by a thread.

        • tigerlily says:

          Oh No!! 48 you are too young, you have a 2nd chance to change your life. You are in the midst of grief, give your self time. Take walks, join gym, reach back to something that made you feel happy, art class, anything. My heart goes out to you.

        • Stacey says:

          Hi hannah, my name is stacey and my husband also comitted suicide 5 years ago.. he left behind 3 children.. our then 12 year old, and 1 year old twins.. its been a struggle to maintain friendships.. nobody seems to get what i go through.. i struggle with depression and anxiety.. sometimes i feel better.. most of the time.. i do not.. dealing with losing a person from suicide is a very unique situation.. ( i also lost my dad to suicide when i was 17) im almost 40 and still trying to figure out how to deal with the loss of my partner of almost 20 years.. i feel awful when i hear somebody else is struggling with the suicide of a loved one.. i know how it feels and even tho i dont personally know you, i can completely relate.. i will check this forum to see if you reply back..(i know its been sev months since u posted on here by the date) i just found this site tonite.. i will have you all in thoughts and prayers… stAcey

    • Anonymously says:

      36 male, as far as I can figure out, if you have a job you must get along with someone or else they would not have hired you. When you do find someone to be a friend or significant other you must never tell them you struggles, nobody but a therapist will listen or stick around to listen. If you do get a therapist be careful to not to talk to others like you would your therapist. I think single men in their 30s-50s are thought of as tools for business, breeding and bringing happiness to others, nobody wants to hear how they feel especially possible mates, they will leave when they find someone who seems to have no problems, unless they are good problems, such as too much work that makes money, or not enough time because of successful business persutes.

  155. Tina says:

    I am 14 and a freshman in high school. I am extremely depressed, even my doctor knows that. I took a test, and was afraid i would get to a hospital if i put down my honest answers so i sugarcoated on it. She said i was on the borderline of depression, so I know i am. And it feels like it gets worse every day. I have MAJOR self esteem issues, autistic (but i grew out of it mostly), and i have a very complicated family (extremely long story) and it stresses me out. I moved about a year ago, and I became extremely shy and… wasnt myself anymore. I felt it later on that i changed. I have one friend at school, and I cant talk to literally ANYBODY. Nobody even knows who I am, I’m that shy! I grew apart from my best friend ive had for a couple years now and nobody notices how im feeling. Nobody, not even my mom. I feel like im a bad person, and I cant handle it anymore. How do i not be so shy, and closed-off to everybody? Especially with being depressed and having self-esteem issues?

  156. Kruti says:

    I’m 22, and I feel like I cannot connect with anyone my age. Sure, my family loves me but they got their own stuff going on and people they can relate to. My boyfriend is always there for me but hes got a life of his own too and his own circle of friends to hang out with. All my life, I haven’t been the centre or even in the periphery of anything. I’ve lost touch with friends from school, and the “friends” from college, I don’t feel like it makes a difference to them whether I’m there or not. None of them make a big deal of my birthday or try to ask if I’m okay or not, or try to consider my schedule when planning anything. It’s hard meeting new people who want to be friends with you because probably they have already got their own friend circle and you would be in the same position as before in the edges and not in the loop. It’s not that I want to be around people all the time, it would be nice to know someones around for you and genuinely want to hang out with you. I don’t think I’m a bad friend but apparently I’m not a fun enough person to hang out with or talk to. Tired of trying hard to be a good friend when you are just a fall back option for someone else. I don’t think it matters whether I’m there or not anymore because nobody would notice

    • Julie says:

      I am 46 and you sound like me. I am tired of trying to make people like or rebuff when i try.

    • Ellie says:

      Hi, I’m seventeen and am going to graduate high school this June. I live a relatively okay life, my family is middle class and we have a nice house, my parents are okay compared to the parents of other people I know, they have stable jobs and aren’t drug addicts or anything. However, my mom has expected too much from me my entire life. She would check the school website where parents can see your current grades and we would have screaming matches whenever I had a bad grade aka bs or cs. Even when I was in elementary school. Last year I tried to take a highest level class and I really struggled with it, so the fighting got so bad and I was constantly filled with anxiety wondering if she was going to check the site and see the test I failed that day. I also have no friends to talk to about my problems. I have like two that I talk to in school, but that’s it. The one I’m closer to talks about her problems all the time, but if I try to talk about something that’s bothering me, she doesnt care and just changes the subject. So I don’t even try to tell her that I despise my mom. I scribble all of my feelings into a journal, which helps, but it’s not the same as having an actual human being to confide in. And On top of high school, I’m taking courses at the local college so I can graduate from college faster at my moms request and it stresses me out SO MUCH. Every time I think about working on those classes I want to die. They’re so time consuming and I feel like I’m wasting my teen years doing homework, I never have time for any actual fun things!!! Well if I had friends, I could hang out with them on the weekends, but since I don’t have friends, I just hang out with my MOM because I’m lame af. I’m young and boring. I wanted to go to prom, but I don’t talk to any guys so no ones going to ask me, and it’s not like I have any single friends to go with. I was also kind of looking forward to going to college, but now I’m worried that NOTHING will change even then. I’ll still have no friends. I got a job, and haven’t made any friends. One girl I work with a lot told my “friend” who also works there (the one I mentioned earlier who only talks about herself) that she doesn’t like working with me, which pretty much means she doesn’t like me. Because I’m boring. Understandable, I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either. Anyways, I always feel so down, at school, home, wherever. Sometimes the fog lifts and I can go shopping or I’ll bring my sibling to the movies. But most of the time I just feel bitter towards everyone, towards my family, my so called friends, the other kids at school. Myself. Idk but somewhere along the way I lost some key quality people use to make friends. Whatever. I just need to survive these next few months, and then I can spend this summer, alone, in my room.

      • Kay says:

        Baby, I am so sorry you’re feeling like this. I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t have the pressure from parents that you have, but I got all the rest. I was called boring, and I felt boring. I didn’t have any close friends, and I spent high school feeling alone. College was full of loneliness too because I always felt less than.

        All I can tell you is take care of yourself. Put yourself and YOUR needs first. If you need medication and therapy, do those things. Get those feelings out with people who are available to listen. Do not let yourself stay in a place where you feel uncomfortable…and give yourself the break that no one else is giving you. You are so deserving of giving yourself a chance and a break, just because you’re you. Take it from another struggling from depression.

        Just give yourself a chance, keep telling yourself you matter (especially when you don’t feel like it), and build up your self-esteem.

  157. sarah m says:

    so right now im going through depression . The reason for this is because when i turned 15 years old i had left my father and step family that i knew almost my whole life and lived with them for 4 years . As i got older i started realizing more things and started making mistakes so instead.of talking to my dad or step mom i randomly left and moved back with my mom who is also bipolar , depressed and schitzophrenic. I am now 20 years old and havnt seen my dad in a couple years and i feel like im left with mobody because nobody really cares to listen or just wont understand and i dont know how to explain it but it hurta and i dont know what to say to him or my stwp family to make them understand . I was blind to what i did and my biggest regret in life was leaving him . What and how do i do what i need to do . Everytime i try reaching out i jist give up again because i feel like its too late .

    • Carstice says:

      Sometimes parents can be difficult because they only see you as who you were and not Who you’ve becomenow. Do what you can to succeed and grow and your dad will see the progress in your life and welcome you back in his. My son, I love dearly but I am tired of his problems. Telling him doesn’t work and he continues to get into trouble. I still talk to him and let him know I love him, but I can’t keep tyring to fight his battles when he doesn’t want to get better. All we ask, as parents if you fall get up. If you screw up, fix it, and if you can’t fix it do what you can and move on. He will notice that you have matured and your dad will welcome that.

      • Tina says:

        I have THE SAME EXACT problem as sarah m has. But what if nobody listens? what if nobody realizes, and all you do is wonder what you could have done differently?

  158. N J says:

    Your article pinpointed exactly how I feel. Loneliness is so hard. I’m not even sure if my friends have abandoned me or if I pushed them away, but either way I’ve drifted apart from everyone over the past 2 years – family and friends. I feel like I am wasting ‘the best years of my life’ (I just turned 24) alone in bed. I desperately want to talk to people and connect, but I also don’t want to selfishly burden people with my depressing thoughts all the time – I don’t want to bring people down, and acting ‘normal’ takes so much energy, it feels safer to retreat. How did anyone get over the situation in the article? At the moment, I’ve been feeling pretty suicidal for a while and I feel like if I went, no-one would know or care. I want to reach out but I don’t know how. I want to go back to being the old me – I feel like I’ve lost the ability to communicate or express myself properly. How can I be less wrapped up in myself? How can I stop myself from irrationally thinking everyone dislikes me?

    • Kruti says:

      I feel exactly the same, and I wish someone told me what to do. But your post made me feel like I wasn’t alone, so thank you for that

    • Krista says:

      You know, I have never felt depressed, but it strikes me that sports might help. I like swimming at the YMCA because you have people around you, but no one talks, since they are all going in and out of the water. I like coffee shops, and also libraries, for similar reasons of being with others, but not having to base it on talking. I go alone. Best wishes.

    • Julie says:

      I feel the same. I would live to hear some tipsx

  159. Josuke says:

    You have a wife, that’s more than 99% of us. Never found love, barely even held someone’s hand. Crippling loneliness and feelings of exile for 10 years now. No point trying anymore.

    • MB says:

      Sorry to hear that, Josuke. I will say, however, that being married or being in a relationship is no guarantee against loneliness.
      I am married and although I love my husband, I’m often painfully lonely.

  160. Janco3 says:

    I’m a 51 year old man and my life is over. The few “friends” I do have and family can only deal with me in very small doses because of my severe depression. They keep our conversations quick and superficial. My days and nights are completely filled with overwhelming feelings of anxiety, dread and doom. My ability to make reasonable decisions is long gone. I’m losing my will.

  161. StupidAssName says:

    I am going through the worst time in my life. I am divorced from my wife after 12 years and having a very difficult time holding it together. I am still in love with her and she could care less about me. We haven’t spoke in so long I just want to kiss her and tell her I love her. But there is no chance I will ever have that again. There is no one for me to lean on to distract me from my new shitty life. I have no friends, no fun. It’s been about nine months since we split up and I can’t seem to move on. I know she is out with her friends and meeting other people, probably fucking other people by now. She wanted this. Sulking and thinking about myself is all I do. I don’t go out because I’m too insecure in every part of myself. I dropped out of my university to go be with her while she continued her career only to be thrown back out on my own. Now I deliver pizzas and go to school online and I’m embarrassed to tell people about it. I’m embarrassed that I’m in my 20s and already divorced. I’m embarrassed that sex was so bad between us that the next woman I meet I will disappoint. I just want someone to go smoke and drink with me but I can’t muster the courage to ask anyone. I’m afraid of what I’ll say, how I will act in public. I am afraid of rejection. I’m terrified of meeting a new girl because my wife was my only lover since high school. I didn’t want this life but I am being forced to live it. I feel my life is meaningless. I think about death and suicide every night. I feel older everyday and that every moment that was gifted to me is being squandered. So many “I’s” in this post. My depression is almost a reverse narcissism where I can only focus on my woes and nothing else matters. I feel so selfish and lost I don’t know if I’ll ever turn it around. I forgot how to love people and myself. I can’t be open with others, or share my thoughts. When I want to speak, I run over the scenario so many unneeded times in my mind, my heart starts pounding and then I just don’t say anything at all. I don’t expect anyone here to be able to help. In fact I know what I have to
    Do to feel better I just can’t bring myself to do it. I just needed to get this out in the air. Thanks for reading.

    • Xäþríð says:

      Hey man. Its places like this where you meet new friends.

      I’m currently very depressed as well. I’ll admit, my life is going alot better than yours. But I still feel the pain of nihilism and existentialist nightmares as well as the loss of all my friends.

      I just want to say, I feel for you.

      I feel terrible about the loss of your wife. I wish I could talk to her for you and resolve you guys’ problems. I know what it feels like to lose the one you love.

      Just keep these goals in mind and you will feel better about yourself to a point that makes living bearable:

      1) find a hobby of some sort. Its tough and I still trying to find something I enjoy (I dont enjoy anything anymore). But it will give you a reason to live.

      2) learn about philosophy, Rhetoric, Arts, and Sciences. Become the smartest you can be. Its pointless to be irrational while being depressed. It makes life worse. You have to be tough and use the one thing that will keep you company no matter what you do… Use your brain. The worst case scenario is you find yourself realizing most people are idiots who dont deserve your time. This leads into the 3rd point.

      3)Find people who also are invested in content based topics. Trust me. You dont want to be friends with basic people who only talk about trivial bullshit. They’re the fake ones. They’re the ones who will leave you on a whim because you’re not feeding them false happiness through imagery of a positive outgoing social butterfly. That’s what they want. All these mindless fools want to be herded like sheep by the alpha.
      The intellectuals will come back again and again with a give and take mentality because part of what they want is to teach you what they enjoy.

      Honestly I would love to be your friend if I got to know you. It just depends on what you’re into. You’ll find alot of people who would like to be friends with you but it depends on your interests. Find a group. Become part of a culture. For me, I enjoy Metal. That is my life. I go to all the concerts in the area. Great places to make friends.

      Good luck man

  162. sincitylife says:

    Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. This year is the same as last. I’m depressed & alone. No friends nor family invitations in the rural town I live in. Ughh!!! I just needed to vent. I feel better now. Cheers.

  163. Chris says:

    Thank you so much for writing this John Folk-Williams . You have clarified a lot for me and I feel relieved knowing that someone else understands and can explain it.
    You helped make my life better and a little less lonely ????

  164. Stacey says:

    I’ve messed up ….I got drunk at the weekend and ended up getting in a state I’ve now lost my best friend…I suffer with depression and know I shouldn’t drink but I did now I hate myself all over again …..I’m lonely I’m depressed and I hate myself I feel like giving up as that’s the easy option I don’t know what to do anymore or to make this feeling go away …I have now 1 friend left who I see now and again but I just destroy anything good in my life

    • Chris says:

      Hi Stacey, I hope you’re feeling better now. When I read your comment I wanted to give you a hug and the reassurance you need because I know that feeling too well, I’m still cringing at what I’ve done under the influence of alcohol years ago and still trying to avoid drinking. Lost so many friends.
      It’s definitely not a good idea to get wasted if you have depression, alcohol is like a magnifying glass albeit a twisted one!
      Whatever happened that night might feel way worse to you than it really is, if you want to get it off your chest write it down here where no one knows you and I’m sure there’ll be many who can say it’s not so bad or that they, myself included, have done worse.
      If you didn’t do anything bad apart from being a messy drunk then don’t worry about that because it happens to most people and your best friend shouldn’t abandon you because of that, if she did she’s too strict and critical. She should talk to you about it.

      The main thing to learn from this experience is that alcohol is not your friend, it makes us behave badly and causes pain and self-loathing so make a decision to abstain from alcohol. Unless you can keep yourself to one or two drinks max but then stop so you don’t drown in it.
      The next main thing is that you need to love yourself dear, so start by giving yourself a hug and telling yourself that you love you 😀
      Go on it’s not crazy! What is crazy is to listen to the jerk in your consciousness that’s telling you to hate yourself! Who is that jerk anyway? Kick ’em out 😉
      Every time you catch yourself hating on yourself stop and address the situation immediately, it helps to be light-hearted about it and tell that voice “Hey who let you back in? Get outta here you’re stinkin’ up the place!”
      Look for the love, the humour, the silliness and joy in everything because the sad stuff will always be there like weeds in the garden of your mind.
      Learn about meditation it really helps to know your inner demons and to stop being afraid of them.
      Train your mind not to go down the dark road and to stop yourself once you find you are going there.
      Try to make yourself laugh and don’t give a ???? what anyone thinks about that!
      Love yourself Stacey you are your own best friend first.
      Infinite love ❤️

      • Lynda says:

        I spend a lot of time reading people’s comments, and yours… Was just what I needed to see today!???? The best advice I’ve seen in some time and in fact while my mind was wandering down a dark road hating on myself.. Something in me said STOP, and then I read your words saying the same thing!! It’s a hard skill to master! Thankyou for being the kind of person you are if no one has told you that recently!! Brings a smile to this sad face!????❤️

  165. Naomi says:

    Thank you for this article it helped put things into perspective for me.

  166. Tammy says:

    Hi. I wrote “very depressed,lonely,no friends. Is there any help out there?” And this came up for me to read. Thank you to all of you who have written. I read what you say and wish I had you here as a friend. I have been trying to deal with depression for about 40 years. I am 57 but don’t really feel ancient. I don’t have a job,live in a small rural town. I don’t know! Seems overwhelming to even write anything. I have 2 sisters and 2 grown kids here that I don’t see much unless I go to them. And, of course, all they want to do is text a couple sentences, not a conversation on the phone..

  167. Garett says:

    Hey, I’m Garett. I’m 16 and that’s about it. Nothing else. I’m a nobody. This downward spiral of an insignificant life has just been shit and put a strain on me and my girlfriends relationship in my opinion with the fact that I’ve been depressed since before I met her at camp about 3+ months ago (probably more now) it’s shitty and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know, I have no friends, I’ve distanced myself from my previous friends because they bullied me to the point of being socially awkward with everyone around me basically preventing me from making friends. I just don’t care about all this bull shit I get. I come home from school and all I do is sit and wait for it all to end but it doesn’t. I have nothing to do, my friends don’t call me and my brother doesn’t even want to hang out with me because they too, bully me about me having “no friends”. I can only talk with my girlfriend about anything. But I feel bad because I think I just talk too much. She’s the only thing I look forward too this year since because it’s a long distance relationship by only a province over and that’s what I’m anticipating, seeing my only friend. I just don’t know who to relate to. She’s been through some of the same shit as me and that helps bet she doesn’t know how bad it is. I just feel like dying because I can’t stand all of this bullshit. Thanks for hearing me out or whatever. Bye…

    • a friend on the net says:

      okay Garret let me stop you there you are 16 and have a whole lifetime infront of you , i was bullied badly i was beaten i was this and i was that but so have alot of people in the world and we all just dont see that we all have a fighting battle at home at work at school wherever but if we all just gave up and locked ourselves away the world would be a dark place and it isnt it still has light in it we have to look after ourselves and others as we expect them to look after us hold yourself higher than bullies because when they grow up they will regret it because we grow older have children and BAM!! you regret everything bad you ever did but theres nothing you can do but chanve the future and be happy because your still here you are most probably a lovely person kind and if i can be 1 out of billions of people to just get through the bullshit to get where i want to be then why cant you be another and more will be just keep your head held high keep focused on working hard and do right and trust me you will be the last one laughing i hope i helped make you realise peoe out there that dont even know you care

    • Krista says:

      Sounds as though you may be ahead of many men your age, if you have a girlfriend. It is fine to place some of your trust in her, if things are going well between you. High school can be awkward, but after graduation, you really will have a lot more choices and can probably then relocate, join the military, marry, seek higher education, seek employment, start a business, or volunteer. If any of these appeal to you, you could begin planning in advance what your future will be like. After age 18, it is mostly up to you how you live.

  168. Alex says:

    Hi I am 26 years old with very few if any true friends, for the past 5 years I have been wallowing in a terrible depression. I did alright in school had some friends, went to Uni met some cool people. However I lost my motivation. I bombed out of my degree on my third year I guess because I knew I had fked up several modules at this point and a good result was out the window.. I had to delete facebook as all my past friends having such great lives and my profile is just bare. I deleted it because I was ashamed of how sucky my life was, Birthdays especially became very awkward. The depression started midway through university. I lived in a shared house with some stoners. I enjoyed getting high and playing games. (as they did too) However eventually I was sort of ostracized from them especially through my activities or doing nothing but play games and get high I could sense their problems with me. ( a lot of them not even legitimate or me not being able to defend myself most of the time my thought process was fuck them) so I withdrew and isolated myself even more, just letting their complaints wash over me. Before they left the house I overheard one of them say that I wasn’t even human. Which did hurt as it came from one of them I thought I got on with alright.

    I couldn’t get a job at the time as I had no references. (did try) Also my best friend who I knew from college and I went to the same Uni with kinda dropped me. I connected with him and believed we were good friends. However he enabled my bad behavior and enjoyed my self destructing, I allowed myself to be manipulated even though I did know it was in his nature. I decided to finish my degree via open university. Which I completed decently. During this time I got on job seekers benefits as it was next to impossible to get a job I applied to a care worker job. And they actually got back to me. I thought getting a job would be good. However I quickly realized im very awkward and shy. Im also second guessing everything I say. Often resulting in saying nothing. Also some of the other support workers are getting on that I have no friends due to quietness. One in particular who im starting not to like said he noticed im never on my phone and asked do I even have a phone. This was in front of other support workers and made me feel like such a loser. I don’t even want to go to work anymore as I think they are all going to be judging me. The only person I hang out with atm is a painter and decorator that did up our house. Hes like 46 or something. My parents I can’t really complain about we’ve always been financially secure and they always did the best for me.

    Whats worse is I have the pressure of my future career, as my parents always get on at me. First it was to get a job which I did get.. Now they getting on at me for a career. It hurts me that im such a disappointment to them. Even from an early age in nursery I suffered from lack of motivation. So much so my parents took me to psychiatrists and pediatricians to see if there was anything wrong, but I was healthy and intelligent (apparently). Just feel like im in limbo now. I still get enjoyment from games but it feels empty. I get so involved in the games most of the time I don’t even complete them because I don’t subconsciously want it to end. So i’ll drop it and move onto another game. The same happens with books. My father has suffered from depression too. However he was a very successful doctor. He commonly says at my age he was a practicing doctor. I guess the weed smoking is filling an emptiness in me.. I smoke like half an ounce a week. My parents I think know or suspect. Just used to the routine of watching tv series, playing games or reading the news/watching youtube. I often look back and wish I did more and valued friendships more and worked harder for them.

    • Joanne says:

      Are you taking anti-depressant meds from your doctor that can help control your anxieties in social environments? it seems your down own yourself and you have very low self esteem. Most parents nag their children mine were the same until i decided to move out and be independent standing on my own two feet, yep it was hard at first because i no longer wanted to accept their help and soon learned to get by on my own money and i have never looked back!!

      • Beverley says:

        I took a long needed vacation …..while Gome I stopped my mess. .
        I felt just great I was bust making new friend out every day. …back to the happy me ..I returned to the states three weeks back and depression is creeping I’m
        I not going back on the meds as its not medical it’s situational. People here do notsocialize they sit in boxes on social media. .it sucks .I am trying to learn how to make active frieships and it’s not easy .
        .so we have to stop thinking pills will make us happy .

    • pri says:

      Hi alex….
      mine is almost same story as urs…i can relate myself to urs ….but i am 25 and from last 4 years i am literally doing nothing ….almost everything same situation as u faced ..friends, family,games can be replaced with my thinking too much and internet…. and worst is career as urs..i don’t even know what to do with my life…i used to happy, energetic, funny, had friends…but now no contacts, nothing.. i don’t even know whats wrong with me i think laziness … i am trying to come out of situation but i can’t really…
      So, how u doing now..any change ? hope u get interesting job and be success full n happy ( its weird i am writing comment)

    • Chris says:

      This post really sticks out to me, especially because you posted it on my birthday. I just turned 27 and am failing out of college. I was doing really well when I started at the community college last year. I even was awarded a small scholarship for getting excellent grades in mathematics. Over the last 5 or 6 years or so I have been combating depression and low self esteem. A lot of what you mention in the post fits what I am experiencing in many ways. You are not alone.

      Let me know if you find any good guidance on this. Thanks.

    • Harry says:

      Hey Alex ,

      Very similar experience but mines possibly even worse considering money is an issue , don’t know how to get over my self destructive nature I’m be 26 in a few months going through an MBA i see people two years younger to me motivated and doing better and have acquired jobs already whereas I was supposed to be the experienced one but am still to get a job , wanting a specific job ( a personal career goal path ) knowing that I’m capable of getting the skillset knowledge required but am just wasting away my talent being lazy and depressed all day , now I think back to the moment I decided to do an MBA I knew I would have had to interact with alot of people and be positive that was the biggest thing for me as I was a very closed person with cynical views trying not to be socially awkward , dint really have a stable upbringing with my parents always fighting and finally seperated a year ago ( I love with my mom now ) I tried to this course with all the positivity but now I have to sacrifice the career path I wanted to walk on and take up any job offering that comes by the college , feeling so down now whether I’m capable of getting a job or not ( dint get selected for a job in which I had prior experience but others younger to me with no experience did ) this has broken me and even if I land a job now ( not the one I want ) I know I’ll be an empty shell disappointed in myself I dint do better )

      • tigerlily says:

        Stop comparing yourself to others. If you are smart, kind, degreed, and working towards goals you are doing fantastic…Everyone has a different path, long , short, effed up or otherwise. Keep applying for jobs it only takes one. Remember all jobs have are valuable and add to you your experience and skills. My husband interviewed for almost 20 jobs while in college, it took while but landed a good one that led him to a great one.

  169. Nicole says:

    Hi everyone. So, I am a mother of 4 in my thirties. I recently found out my husband had been shooting up and smoking crack. Shortly after, my daughter came to me and told me my husband had molested her. The police took him out of my home and away from his biological children. I had become extremely depressed, I had to have someone stay with me to take care of my children. My husband was our only income and when he had to leave we lost everything. After all this happened my daughter came to me and told me my husband never touched her. She thought by saying that, that the police would make him go to rehab. He’s still not allowed in my home. I am struggling every day. I am so stressed and lonely. I have no friends and no family close by. I feel like a failure everyday. It takes everything I have just to get out of bed. How do you put yourself back together after something like this? My life has been ripped apart! I am already bi-polar, and I struggle to keep myself together. All of these added issues have really gotten to me. It’s a struggle when you have noone to talk or anyone who understands. Thanks for letting me get this out.

    • MILTON says:

      Thank you for sharing Nicole.
      Even though we’re only distant and digital, people here are human and do read your post and empathize. I expect you never imagined life would turn out this way.

      In case it helps, go to enter your city then enter words like: depressed
      There maybe a group nearby you can force yourself to go to if only not t be alone.
      Or a ALANON meeting nearby.

    • Naomi says:

      Nicole, your story sounds very similar to what I have endured in my own life. After going through such experiences it is very easy to isolate and in many ways move away from people because you find yourself not knowing who to trust. I often fought this and would get myself out there only to hide again from the world when someone would break my trust. I have learmed to just kerp moving and remeber who is important like my kids. It doesnt entirely help but it does keep me moving at least. I am truly sorry you and your children had to endure these things

    • Ann says:

      Hi Nicole,
      I am so sorry you went through all this.
      How are you feeling now?.
      My kids are raised and gone.
      I thought I had a best friend but she robbed me.
      That is my 2nd robbery of a friend in this life.
      I don’t have any family left close by.
      My parents just passed.
      My husband passed 5yrs ago. We were best friends.
      I was married early in life for 7 yrs but I found out he was doing cocaine.
      I wondered where all the money went.
      I was a R.N. and had a separate account after he drained our checking account a few times.
      I guess I could go on about my health but it doesn’t matter.
      I feel lonely almost daily.
      I try to do outside activities but I’m too depressed to get dressed some days.

      Email me back if you want. I just wanted to say hi and there are ppl who feel sad and scared of what’s next.
      Maybe I can help you or ech other.
      God bless you.????

  170. Eron says:

    Hello. I’m 16 but in actuality I feel like I’m in my late twenties. I have a smattering of mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, or PTSD. My mother was clinically insane when I was growing up and my father was in constant denial and eventually succumbed to madness as well. So after years of physical and mental abuse, I finally made it out while I was in sophomore year. I currently live with my older sister, who works 3 jobs just to pay the rent in the apartment we live in. You can practically guess how dire our financial situation is just from the debt we’ve gained. Unfortunately, all I can do is work as well, and somehow keep me from killing myself. I’ve never had any real friends, due to the interference my parents had inflicted upon me, and even if I tried now, nobody wants to listen to my problems. I’ve learned too much from the past 10 years of my insignificant life that healthy people do not want to be with absolute downers. I’ve lost many so-called “friends” from just confessing that I had a shitty life. Right now, I just don’t know if I can hang on anymore. I’m very unrelatable. Asian, Genderqueer, Pansexual, mentally ill, with particularly nasty experiences.

    • Charlene says:

      Erin, I feel your pain from your post. I can’t say life will be easy, but you have to fight for yourself to get yourself out of your current life situation. I really need to take my own advice on that one. My Mom says I call just to “dump on her” and that she hates it. I am an adult but I have never felt like I had anyone I could talk to. I still feel like a burden to anyone that I tell my problems to. So I keep them to myself and suffer with them. We probably both could use some help. I know sometimes psychology books about depression or other problems have gave me some understanding but I am still working on making friends. It is hard to be the only person like you. I recommend volunteering. You will meet people with big hearts like you there.

    • Maxx says:

      Hey Eron. I can relate to you. I have PTSD having suffered from trauma early on in my life. I have anxiety and depression and although many acquatinences and people I see often no friends who really know me and not anyone I know extrmemely well and safe around. I feel like I am too fucked up to be friends with anyone on my college campus and who wants to be friends with someone who dosent even know themselves? Who isnt even very nice to them? I try to be nice and kind but I have nothing to say, I cant relate. Im trans female to male which is making things so much more difficult and making me very uncomfortbale in my skin. Im also pan and well yea..mentally ill. oh man..its a tough road..thank god for the internet.

  171. Matt says:

    Hi i’m only 14 years old going to be 15 in october, and theses past few years hae been really rough for me and i just need someone to let it all out on…. About 4 years ago my father that I had not seen since I was 3 years old tried to come back into my life. And at the time I had many friends at age 11, but anyways he tried to be my father again but I wouldnt let him for the first year and finally talked to him and now i see him on weekends. And about a year later I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and when I went back to school everyone started thinking I was dumb, and that I couldnt do anything they could and they all just started to ignore me and not want to hang out anymore. So lately I have been sitting alone at lunch and spending summers in my house not interacting with “friends”. So my life has been hard these past few years. so there is my story.

  172. JC says:

    I was an only child. I learned that school was not a place for only children. It was a place where one got bullied. If you did fight back it usually hurt. I thus decided from about the age of 5 to avoid people at all times since most were only interested in either bullying you or trying to get others to bully you. Or they just wanted to get their own way. As I moved school often I was forced to be the new kid. This meant I had to learn how to fight. I soon learned that it was always the best thing to attack the chief bully, and that way victorious or inconclusive, respect was earned and people naturally stayed away from the ‘new kid’. I learned that making friends was a bad idea, as they would turn on you sooner or later. Thus I grew up totally alone. I played alone. I sat alone. I learned alone. I got very good at school, college and university. But all these things I did totally alone despite being surrounded by people (who were generally I believed potential, if not hostiles). When I went to work I was the scientist, the specialist and I learned it was better to work alone as no-one understood my work, could critique it, and the outcomes were only for the most senior people, who never argued with their expert (me). I learned that if you kept you head down, worked hard, and didn’t socialise with anyone that was a good idea, since you were never at the heart of gossip, and thus remained aloof. I didn’t ever try to get a girlfriend though was was always attracted to nice women. I didn’t try because no-one ever bothered approaching me, as I am not that attractive, though I have a smart appearance. Girls seemed to ignore me. Women continued to ignore me. I decided that they were like all other people: potentially hostile, and thus best avoided. I avoided everyone in my life. I like to avoid other people. I now work totally alone, sell my services to random people whom I will never meet, over vast oceans and that’s best for me. I don’t have depression as such, but I do have something much better: I know that when I die no-one will cry over my death. No-one will mourn me. No one will even notice. That’s a nice thought as that means I have at least given many people the avoidance of suffering. That is the greatest gift one can ever give.

  173. Alice says:

    I relate to this article. I am middle aged and a victim of domestic violence, betrayal and lost my home and all my possessions (almost). I found during my divorce and even now 3 years later people don’t want to be around me anymore. I am filled with problems in my life with having 2 teens – one with mental illness and my ex also has a personality disorder and will try to fill my life with chaos. So my life is nothing but ongoing problems due to be surrounded by mental illness. I now have low self esteem after being cheated on for years and being told I’m worthless by my ex repeatedly. Anyhow, people just don’t want me around I’ve noticed. During the separation when I finally told my two closest friends about the domestic violence, they started excluding me from activities and eventually dropped me as a friend. Other people acted like they cared, but they only wanted the dirt on my life. After they heard my story – they basically moved on. I had opened up to others with hopes of them becoming my friend and helping me through a tough time in my life. I am now alone most of my time. I don’t date because I’m done with men. I am to the point where I realize people don’t want to hear your problems. I don’t want friends anymore – because I find most people are very superficial anyhow. If people only want to be around me when I’m happy and productive and looking great – where is the depth of that relationship anyhow? I read, watch netflix, you tube videos, garden, etc. I go to church and help people when I can – but beyond that – no close relationships. Have one sister I talk to sometimes – she too doesn’t want to hear my problems all the time – she says its draining. It makes me sad – sure. But I keep praying to God and reading my bible and I know with time things will work out.

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Alice, your story sounds very much like mine. My husband was abusive and I actually never told anyone, when I eventually told a friend who I’d know for years she straight away stopped calling and including me in anything. This was years ago but now I just think well that’s really not a good friend.

      People have invited me places but right now I feel so down and to be honest it’s such a drain talking to people and trying not to look so sad that someone comments on it, so I have my dog and cat and stay home a lot. I do want a life and know only I can work on this, I’m so sad, lonely but I have a hard time trusting anyone because of everything that’s happened so it’s a circle and time is marching by.

      You know you’re not worthless, sorry you were told this and it does affect you that’s for sure. I’d like a good healthy relationship but am scared, my husband was so mentally abusive and I had severe depression, it was torture.

      Sometimes I think okay, I’ll be fine with just me and my animals, just go for hikes etc then I think I want a life!!

      One thing I have learned is not to trust someone too soon, that takes time, also not to talk about my personal stuff as so many just want to know everything then they move on to the next person.

      I love to hike and my daughter keeps trying to get me to join a hiking club but I am master of procrastination!! again though only I can do it.

      You have a lot going and you must take good care of yourself because you are worth it!

  174. allegra says:

    Hello to each of you who find yourself hete tonight..because your not out enjoying life this summer evening. Insteqd your inside reading a depression log about our friendless existence. At least we are not incarvinated…except in our own, my oen…sick mind. I’M HOPING FOR A BETTER LIFE SOMEDAY? BUT SINCE HALF OF MINE IS OVER! And I seen to have pushed most people away, I dont feel too hopeful of reestablishing an entire change of being as I would first need to bh trust in myself and others and…give a shit…lately all of that seems like a tall order. I have a great therapist..i just need him more like 8 hrs/wk versus 1hr/wk. If you can identify, and find some humor in life as i love humor..or you can contribute, or enhance my current mindset…go for it plz!!”

  175. Alllegra says:

    Hello to all of you on here tonight. I can identify with many of the posts here. I haved been depressed on and off since I was a child. Sometimes I still feel like a child trapped in this adult body with adult responsibilities. I have depression and social anxiety and have pushed most of my friends away. It happens if I feel I may be hurt, I get out first. I’m a very young in heart, soul, and body 56 yr old. I am very much alone, except for my 2 cats who put up with me. I have had some bad relationships which have caused me to have trust issues with men. In patticular..but if I am lied .to, which is difficult for me…i wont trust..I’m more apt to leave a relationship I have tried to build. I seem to have walked away from my family, at a young age, and from a divorce, another family. It becomes harder to build new relationships as one gets older..even if Im very active, like to camp,dance, swim, etc. Depression doesnt help that. I feel like the men my age on here who have stated that its easier being around younger people than those my age as many of my friends were, are in their30’s. I hope to get to know others here for support, friends as well.

    • Christina says:

      Hi Alllegra,

      I feel like I could just copy/paste all of your words, and that would be my story almost exactly. From what you wrote, I have everything in common with you except for being divorced. I’ve never been married. I’m currently in a relationship with a man, but we live together as only friends because I don’t trust him. I also had a bunch of bad relationships with men and no longer trust men in general.

      I’m sorry, this can’t be helpful to you. I saw that no one has replied to you and I just want to let you know that you aren’t completely alone. I hope that helps a little. It helped me to read your story.

      I also get along better with younger people, so there must be something to that. I also feel like I’m still a child inside, but living an adult’s life. Were you abused a lot as a child? I had an older sister who hit me in some way or just thoroughly beat me and tortured me for hours every day of my life. My parents were divorced and we lived with our mother who worked full-time to support us. At the end of her work day, she was too stressed to deal with my sister for abusing me. So the cycle went on and on. Ironically, this sister has pushed me away completely in life rather than vice versa. And yet I still strive to be allowed into her life!

      There was all kinds of other abuse in my childhood too. Maybe this is why we continue to feel like children. Maybe we are stuck back there because it was just so traumatizing.

      Are you on Facebook? I ask this because I find it very painful to see how happy other people appear to be with their family, friends, and lives in general.

      I am 47 years old, so maybe I’m young enough to be someone you may relate to better or more easily!?! 🙂 I hope that made you laugh or at least smile.


      • allegra says:

        Hello Christina, and thx for your reply. I did find it helpful snd comforting. It’s not always easy for me to find my way, exactly back to this section of this website to reply as I’ve found myself reading alot all over this site. I use a computer all day at work and sometimes not so intetested in phone or computer in eves. Also, I have a fb act, but not a fb petson. I’M PRIV , and can only use fb to sm. Degrees. Stay in touch…I need some connection w. Others as i navigate the next steps out of my current shitty mindset.

      • L says:

        I can relate. I am am almost 40 and in the past few years I’ve watched my life take a nosedive (not that it was so great to begin with). I suffer from years of mental abuse from my Asian mother. I had an absentee father and a rather large extended family who chose to believe I do not exist. I’m often referred to the black sheep of the family so I decided long ago that it was best to remain elusive. I won’t lie, the impromptu ‘reunions’ and family gatherings that I don’t get invited to sting a little, so I avoid social media these days because it’s too painful to endure the photos of everyone having these seemingly wonderful lives that I tell myself I’m not good enough of a person for. To boot, my marriage has started to crumble. A few years ago I gave up my career to help grow his business that he now claims he built from scratch when in actuality it was on the brink of folding until I came in, revamped the business model, increased clientele and secured enough contract work to keep it running successfully for years. I’m never treated with any respect at the office. He yells at me all the time and treats me like I’m a complete idiot. All the while his best friend’s wife is waiting in the wings to replace me (her husband is our only other employee). Of course I didn’t have the sense to put my damn name on the business liscense which means I don’t have rights to anything. I cashed out my lucrative stocks to get it going and buy necessary supplies. I worked so hard that I lost all of my friends in the process. I used to work in fashion and travel a lot. Since giving that up people, friends seem less interested in me. Every night my husband retreats into his ‘man cave’ and usually doesn’t return unless he needs a cold beer or had to use the restroom. When I tried to tell him how lonely I feel he says ‘ [we] spend all day together.’ When in actuality we are in separate rooms in the same building and when he is around me he’s yelling or belittling me. I used to be tough. I used to fight back, but now that I’m isolated and alone, have no career or source of income on my own I feel trapped. We also share a 5 year old son. Despite financially supporting both him and my husband for years I don’t have the means to do son now. I honestly did a Google search that simply read, ‘I’m ready to die.’ I love my son so much I hate that I even feel this way. I think about when he grows up and leaves me I will be completely alone and I don’t understand why. I guess I’m just sharing this to let all those things I jeep bottled up inside out. Even if no one is there to listen. It feels cathartic.

    • Veno says:

      I can totally relate to your experience. Its a battle with death daily trying to cope with anxiety and depression on top of it having no family and friends. The only thing that keeps my life going is having faith that one day it will get better. At 45 divorced and have no support structure apart from my 19 year old daughter whom im trying to get through college. Irs still a lonesome life . No one to talk to and share your daily experiences with. On top of it i force myself and deag myself out of bed to get to work not for my pleasure but to live. At times i wish we all had someone to be there for us. Waddling in tears daily late at night doenst help either . I pray Fod hwars and sees and answers all those who need his help.

      • allegra says:

        hello Veno, and thanks for your message. I get lost on this site and cant always get back easily to these posts. I also use compputer, phone all day at work and some eves dont want to do eithet…most nights ! But, with my current mindset I need connection here with others and all replies are much appreciated.
        I so identify with your situation, as it seems, to some degree, we all feel some lonliness to connect, and all have some depression here…or we wouldnt be here. PLZ stay in touch so we can keep each other afloat as we navigate steps moving forward? I hope!!?
        PS I like your name Veno

        • Veno says:

          Thanks Allegra. Much appreciated. We should get a network support group formed in Cape Town. Im sure everyones experiences can help each other. You can mail me on email and lets see maybe we can help each other out. Veno1971 [at] gmail [dot] com. Take care and hope to connect with you.

    • Mark says:

      You are the same as me. I have struggled through life for 49 years. I’m exhausted by my depression, and tired of fighting it. Recently my anxiety has increased substantially I am particularly finding it hard to hold on. Work is the biggest problem, all I want to do is lie in bed and forget and avoid.

      • H says:

        This is where I am at. What’s the point? My older son is in college and the youngest isn’t far behind. I have been alone and single for over 10 years trying to focus on being a mom. No what? I have no friends and no partner. I don’t have a dramatic back story. I am plain. My family is far away. I just want to go to sleep.

  176. Melissa says:

    Wow….In my intelligence, I do so realize there are so many others like me out there. We all reach out in different ways, but being that I have isolated myself as much as any person could, I am now trying to figure a way out of my own trappings.
    I moved away at 18; I am now 58. Made my way in a new state and found friends. Mainly through my work places, but being that I spent 99% of my time at one place of business, it was easy to have others to connect with. I spent 30 years away. I let myself down by hitting a bottom I never thought I would and ended up moving back to my hometown that I never liked even as a kid. I am still here and it feels as though I have been dropped into the Twilight Zone. Most people are ultra conservative (I lived in the Northeast before…much more suited for me) and I know that my lifestyle is not one of their favorites. Needless to say, I leaned on my mother for these last 12 years and felt somewhat safe. Well, I lost her a little over a year ago and have found myself really seeing what I have allowed to happen to me. I have closed myself off so much that there is not one person I can even call to talk to. I have a sister (here) and one back where I lived, my father and that is it. I don’t have anything in common with either sister b/c their lives are set up in relationships/marriage and they have their own friends/lives. I am the middle child. My mother always had extra time for me b/c, even as a kid, she knew I was quiet and more introverted.
    I did have one very close friend that I met up in CT that we have known one another since 1983. When I left there, she left 1 month prior to me and ever since we have separated, her life has taken its’ own direction (she still works, has a g/f, etc.) and my life went into a huge black hole. We don’t talk much at all now. A text here and there and no real conversations. I get a blip once in a while on FB…whoopie.
    So, here I am…I exist..I do not live my life..I exist within the confines of it that I know I have set. It has become so draining to even try anymore. No, I don’t want to off myself..just am so tired of the silence..It has become a chore to keep trying to do things just to keep busy…What do i do? Any thoughts?

    • Allegra says:

      Melissa….I too…..survive, but don’t really live or feel genuine joy or happiness. Your post sounds alot to me like my life today.

      • Melissa says:

        So what do you do? I mean you….I have wondered how to be comfortable around myself anymore. I try, every minute of every day, not to focus on how silent things are or how I don’t even need a damn phone (as it rarely rings). I have to talk to myself [out loud or silently] to keep me from dropping into despair. It is a fight every single day, but I keep trying. I know there are things I could try, but b/c of where I am, I really want little connection with the people here as explained with their narrow minded thinking. There are a few good people here, but still, they exist in the programmed mentality that affects everyone else, so I keep my thoughts to myself…
        I did have a friend here who ended up moving to Columbus(Ohio) that i have recently shared my exhaustiveness with and he told me that he came to the conclusion that the people who have spent their entire lives here and those who just seem to fit here, they have their own people…He said, “Those are not my people”..I agreed completely. He is gay and he completely understands my struggles here and why I have gone inward. He did the same. He was harassed and many times, threatened b/c of who he is…That is yet one more reason why I keep myself hidden. Very sad state of affairs. So, I exist…I try, each day, to manage through another one. I stay here ONLY for my aging father and when (and I know this sounds bad) he is gone, so am I. I will sell my home for whatever i can get and leave immediately. Not sure where to, but to be somewhere where i can be me and have outlets that i can try for and be part of, that is my plan. For now though, I wait and hope this place doesn’t poison what is left of me…

        • Allegra says:

          Hi there Melissa.Thanks so much for your reply
          I’m a pediatric RN…I’m working parttime in a super busy clinic position I’m struggling to maintain. I lost my parents in 08, 09 and my son lost his first love in 2010, then he became addicted to heroin. I have been out of an abusive relationship for one yr. I feel alot like you in that I’m safer today not speaking my truths as I’m so depressed much of the time I really feel safer on my own, at home but lead a meaningless existence with no love except from my cats. At work its difficult for me to listen to others laughing as I feel overworked and constantly worried, waiting for the next bit of shitty news I have to work through. My resilience isn’t what it used to be, and I have lost my zest for life. Sometimes I think I’d like to quit work, pack my shit, and go on a trip somewhere I’ve never been, and never come back. Im great at feeding my cats, paying bills, being responsible but I feel like happiness, joy is for others and when im around those who seem to have some, im jealous instead of happy for them. I hate my life these days. Normally im not such a whiner but lately i even hate being around myself…im in therapy and my therapust lets me direct my care which seems kinda fruitless at this pt. As im so depressed by his tidbits of wisdom for me that death seems favorable to life. I do feel like im walking dead now as inside im very sad, lonely and alone. I have always been the ultrasensitive type which seems to have made me vulnerable to much abuse. So, now at 56 im dealing with that trauma for the first time which seems about 25 yrs too late. Im sorry that im venting here, rathet than asking about you. I apologize for my rudeness in that. Do you work or are your a caregiver to your parent? Do you have kids? Plz tell me more about yourself. My parents met at Ohio State. My mon was from Uniontown, my dad was from Cleveland. I hope your doing ok tonight.

          • Melissa says:

            Hello again! It sounds like parts of your life mirror mine. I think I have explained my consternation of my living situation (IE. my location) but I am grateful for some of it b/c I did get to spend the last 12 years of my mother’s life with her. We got to be very close and I learned more about her than I ever had. She truly was the very best friend I could have ever asked for. I miss her every single day. My father is still alive at 86. He lives in the same house we all grew up in here. I live about 4 blocks away from him now. I do, along with my younger sister, take care of his needs. He is still driving and able to go out for his weekly breakfasts (which he finally asked me along for right after my mom died) and even do a once a week golf excursion and that is fine. He has all of his faculties and seems to be able to manage (for now). If he needs anything, I am there. My younger sister works at her own business and lives about 25 minutes away, so it is up to me to do what is needed if the need arises.
            Anyway, I find my life as only as existing now. It is hard, at times, to find my way. I find myself trying to busy myself with whatever I can do, but what hurts the most in me is knowing there’s really not one person I can call my friend and say “Hey, let’s go do something” or “How about a movie?” That makes me feel very empty and sad. I used to have people around me when I lived in CT. and still do, once in a while, talk to my friend in Maryland. She and I met in CT. back in 1983 (I think I mentioned that before) and I miss having our weekend time together. She made a new life for herself there and seems to be doing great. I should be happy for her, but find myself feeling jealous and wondering what she has that I don’t. That has bothered me for a long time now. We both left CT. in 2002. Needless to say, she had a g/f for over 10 years that she has since left, but, after 9+ years of being “friends” on FB with her ex from before I knew her, she and her have found their way back to one another and seem, very strong. That would be great news for someone in a better frame of mind. Again, I am jealous. I have an ex that I never got past that we broke up under very odd circumstances that I have reconnected with, but she is married (to a woman of course) and even though we have talked, it just doesn’t have the same fire as my friend’s seems to have taken on. Of course, thinking about my ex, it makes me feel more empty inside b/c I know that is going backwards. Why would I want that for myself? Oh well.
            So, as you can see, I find myself feeling jealous instead of happy for others happiness. It is not a good feeling and I do question myself in my head, as to why I do that. I guess it all boils down to not having anyone to share anything with. I have cats as well. I had always been a dog person, but I rescued my two from the shelter and now have a 3rd b/c she showed up on my doorstep. She doesn’t spend much time inside like my others (who are always inside), but I make sure she is fed and cared for.
            You mentioned hating to be around yourself. I completely understand that one all too well. I want to escape my own trappings of me and my mind, but we all know that isn’t possible. Well, we can, however, try to make the changes needed to ease that one up, but it is very difficult. I have done that before and was doing great (when I was working) but it has become a chore to retrain my brain again to like me and help myself. I do not think of giving up at all, but it is just a chore, every single day, to try to maintain that positive attitude that my mother always encouraged me to do. I want to be happy, but am lost as to how to move in the right direction.
            Ultrasensitive. What a great defining word we both share. I am ultrasensitive as well. I guess it all comes with the territory that we are both finding ourselves in. Change is so hard, but I think we both need it, right?
            I keep telling myself that it will be better once I leave this town. I don’t think that is true though. I know it will take ME to make the changes I need to be happy anywhere. I could be on the best beach in the world and still feel alone, sad and depressed. So, recognizing that, I know I need help. I do not go to any therapist. I did years ago for many years. I got lots of help and have kept many things from those sessions inside to use if need be. I need to refer back to many now I guess.
            So, let me end this book and explain my personal info a little.
            I have never been married. I am gay. No kids (however much it upset my mom that I am who I am and not being the happy straight girl) nor did I ever want any. I do not work anymore, but I did for 3)+ years (and still do contract work for my brother-in-law)…I am a Mechanical Designer by trade…Anyway, I am on disability right now (which lends to more depression) b/c of having two very messed up knees that I am slowly getting corrected. I am 58 years old. My family is from Ohio. I was born in Ohio, but grew up in WV. My parents met in Ohio. They grew up 15 minutes apart. I do wish my mom had done more homework on my father as he ended up being quite the unhappy individual, but no matter what, she always remained happy. True angel.
            Okay, your turn now…Hoping you are as well as can be to

        • allegra says:

          Hello there Melissa..sorry this reply has taken so long…loved your long message and appreciate it greatly.. your sitch, life, sensitivities are so like my own.
          It feels like I had some form of anxiety, depression right out of the womb as as long as I can recall I felt different, experienced life differently than my othet 4 sibs, and I cried tons more than any of them. I have one sis whom it seems was more jealous of me than loving and our experiences in life seem as though we were raised in different homes , in different families but according to 23and me we are blood sisters..hehe. shesvalways been a huge bitch…theres no other way to express her, and she was never able to love me in ways that I longed for her to do so. She also was spared the sexual abuse that thevremaining 4 sibs entailed. Today, a couple of my brothers and I do have fairly good conversations, and care for each othet but we live in several , opposite ends of the US so dont have close bonds, we do have love. I like that you identify with alot of my story.Its helpful to find that as even if its only here..its a beginning.. my mom was fron Uniontown and in
          Columbus..My dad from Cleveland. Basically, my family , wasvraised in upstate the only Jews in a tiny town of mainly Irish catholics…mostly related. So we stuck out you might say!! I see myself as somewhat of a sapio these days..I fall in love with stimulating minds..but see myself as hetero…Today, I see myself as a lonely, loner with 2 cats and a grown sonwith a herion addiction that I see only seldom.
          Stay in touch..keep em coming sista..hehe

          • Melissa says:

            Hello again!
            Depression is inherited…I think they proved that anyway, but I have the same issue. My mother had it, but always kept her mind positive and dealt with it without being medicated at any time. I had seen therapists for years (as I said) and they did help. The last woman I saw was someone me and my ex saw. I didn’t know this at the time of first seeing her, but, of course, found out later when my ex and I met up in one of her group meetings. Needless to say, she was very helpful. She helped me through (as much as she could) my breakup as well. It was weird knowing we both went there afterwards, but we both quit as well. Odd.
            I think depression can lay dormant for so long and can be triggered when something stressful or whatever happens, out it comes and off we go…I try to keep mine at bay as much as possible, but sometimes I think it may be better to allow myself the time to just feel bad…Not sure…
            I am glad you have some contact with your siblings. It’s important to be able to have that. My two sisters (I think I told you I’m the middle child) and I do talk. I have more regular conversations with my older sister. My younger one has lived here her entire life and we have very little in common. She is as conservative and “red-neck” type. I am as opposite as I can be of that kind of life. I only see her when she drops off her dog each Wednesday and then when we spend time at my father’s house. She cleans for him every other week and then we go the other Wednesday to just help and visit. I think he enjoys that company. Needless to say, I do not have a lot of contact with anyone on a regular basis, so it makes it tough. I find it hard sometimes, to watch others around me seemingly having a decent life with someone. I have eliminated that part of my here. Maybe if I get away and get my life back on track, who knows?
            A Sapio? I looked that up (sorry for my lack of knowledge on that one) …It defines that as being someone who is attracted to intelligent men? Urban dictionary says that anyway.
            Well, do they have a gay version of that? Ha Ha
            Well, I have to ready myself for my Sunday breakfast with my dad and his friends.
            I would love to delve deeper into our chat here. I do feel that we have some commonalities that, at the very least, let us discuss.
            Oh, and by the way, my entire family is German I have the light hair and blue eyes to match. Well, my hair is platinum blonde now since I am older, but I did have very light hair. (BTW, I do not use any process for my hair as I wanted to be natural). My 2 sisters, on the other hand, do hair coloring…I find it a bit vain, but hey, who am I to say?
            Well, I better go and get ready….
            I hope your day is great and please write back….Enjoying the conversation.

          • Melissa says:

            Where did you go? Hoping you are okay and things are manageable for you…

  177. Sarah says:

    I dont know. I really dont know anything. Met the family on my fathers side for the first time in my adulthood and nothing is as expected. I dont have friends after school at home (ones whom I could actually go out and do something with). But I could always use the internet as my buffer and when that didnt work my family. Here I have no internet and I have family that I have known for less than 2 months in my entire life. My parents were worried about me going crazy and partying and drinking due to different age restrictions here, but i have never been like that previously so why now? I share a bedroom with my cousin and thought that it would be really awesome like having a sister your own age but so far it has been me faking that I have friends as she texts on her phone to 1001 people. I was asked last week to go with my aunts and cousins out somewhere and I had fun and thought that they did as well. How would I really know though? My father warned me about when the asked me to go to the club with them to keep my head on straight. I said to him that I didnt think that they would invite me. I was lying. I wished and really thought they were. I walked into my room right now with my cousin dressing up fancily, no communication given to me whatsoever. I assume she is either going on a date or to a club. She’ll ask me to go with her. She doesnt. She asks me to zip her up and leaves. I learn later that she went with my other female cousin somewhere (Im of age wherever they went I could have as well). I guess they didnt like hanging out with me as much as I did with them. It is during that moment that I find I was right all along, I have no friends or people who want to hang out with me unless they have to. What can I do? Nothing. Ive tried, talked to strangers to friends asking them for some social time. Any time, to make me feel better and make my parents think that I am not such a loser. Anyway, any advice that could be offered would be helpful. Thank you for reading this and understanding the some of the hardest moments in my life to deal with.

  178. Dennis says:

    i want to make this as brief as possible but as detailed as i possibally can..i’m 61 years old. i have always looked younger than my real age.when in my mid 30’s i began to hang out with people as much as 10 to 12 years younger than me. I easily passed for mid and early 20’s when i was in my 30’s and i was even hannging out with people as young as 18 and 19 at one a person that would be considered a 70’s raised person,i became attached to the 80’s and especially MTV ,music videos and the current pop and rock music in general of that era..when my appearance began to show a more 40-ish year old side(by then i was in my late 50’s and almost 60) younger people in their 20’s weren’t so desirous to hang out with interests in music and movies didn’t stagnate as i got older//i enjoyed much of the current music and music videos of the 90’s and 2000’s and now the 2010’s..much UNLIKE others my own age.I never as of yet have felt the sluggishness of getting older.i feel as healthy and AM as healthy,according to the doctor,as any very healthy 35 year old.again i say UNLIKE others my own age..i’m still attracted to hanging out with younger people and often they seem to be attracted to converse with me ,as in restaurants at night and in public generally (Until i mention my age,so i don’t anymore..ever).So here’s my problem..People my own age have nowhere near the same interests i have as i’m obsessed with music–ALL KINDS except rap and hip hop..especially 80’s an 90’s and basically the music videos not so much the audio cd’s..i don’t think of myself as 61 because i don’t look it and i don’t feel it!! How am i supposed to believe i’m 61 when my normal walking speed is so fast that often times if i were walking any faster,i’d be running..and i have no body physical limitations..i’m so limber i wrestle under the bed with my dog as well as drop and roll off the bed to the floor when we play really rough..many of my neighbors in the 55plus complex i live in still believe i’m too young to qualify to live here and don’t understand why the management has let me stay(that’s actually funny,but flattering).So here i am a 61 year old man,will be 62 in September (2016) i feel much younger,interests are younger ,health is that of a younger person,i enjoy movies most my age do not(i love horror and i like a lot of current stuff too as well s 80’s and 90’s but older than 80’s) while,people my age seem to be in to john wayne movies and such i do not at ALL get into them..i do not enjoy ,as so many my age do ,channels like the history channel or the classic this and that channels that offer old black an white movies..i have no interest in movies of the 1950’s for example..So many my age go on and on about all that stuff i don’t enjoy and have NO interest in anything i DO enjoy..As a 61 year old man i am totally lonely..nobody my age has any interest in my interests and younger people are ok to hang with but i can’t rely on them for super close best friend ,emotionally connected relationships..I wish i could but reality bites!.I don’t often listen to 70’s music as it’s just not my preference and i also list that decade as the most disinteresting,useless decades of all..Of course people my age would disagree..I’m an 80’s fan after all! 10 years ahead of myself somehow..well..wait..i’m not done yet..i’m also disabled and unemployed..i have a sleep disorder and years ago made the decision to sleep days and stay awake nights.can’t meet people in the days cause they’re at work or otherwise but not out hanging at diners trying to meet people..On the other hand NOBODY seems to be hanging out trying to meet people anymore,as it seems like everyone has their own group of friends and nobody outside the group enters because nobody in the group is looking to let new people,people who have friends aren’t out there trying to make NEW friends.Society has changed a whole whole lot.The internet is the new meeting place which is a disadvantage to people like me!! People decide right away online whether thy like me (or anyone else for that matter) and want to become friends or not. people can google a personality trait and pick who their friends are just like you check and pick out tomatos in the use in geting to know anyone when you an find them like magic by typing in google “i love porn, watermelon and pork rhines” know what i mean…people don’t care to meet face to face and decide if thy like ya’s too risky or too difficult or just plain takes too much time to get to know someone if you can just type it out in a text field .//well..i’m lonely and you know why now..put it all together ..i’m not desired as a hang outtable friend by either young people or my own age –i’m stuck inbetween somehow ..young people don’t like my age..people my age don’t like my more youthful thinking and interests..and one more thing–i’ma christian,,nota legalist .i don’t believe it’s R movies or listening to Aerosmith that damages the spirit ..But still..ya add up all of what i said here and i don’t know that i’ll ever meet anyone that has my interests because they’re too diverse and on a younger level than the interests of people my own age –I can’t become un-obsessed because those interests are my interests..period.. and likewise ,i can’t become interested in things i’m just not interested in(which has been suggested to me by some-ie, “find new interests”) that doesn’t help because i want friends who have my major interests and that’s normal!! and here’s another fact about me.i prefer having one best friend over having a group of just ‘good’ hypersensitive people and that explains me.or ultrasensitive people.If anyone is in the same boat i’m in will ya let me know? i’ve searched the internet high and low for others like me but i have absolutely not found one person..and out of millions of people on the internet you’d think i’d find at least one right? but nope!!

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Dennis,

      While I was reading your post I was thinking YES!! that’s me!! So…there are others like us!

      I just turned 56 and have always felt younger, honestly I feel 35! I love being active, I love to hike trails and in the wilderness, run with my dog, just have to move, that’s what makes me happy.

      I also walk fast! People tell me I was so fast, slow down but I’m passing much younger people in Walmart!!

      I find a lot of people my age are stuck in their ways, so when I ask them to go hiking their look is one of horror! Let’s go, let’s go for a run, a day trip, somewhere! nope, they just want to sit inside watching TV. Even a lot of 40 year olds are old before their time, it amazes me.

      I have been looking online for a hiking group near me, one I found had pictures of people in their twenties! I also feel stuck in between age groups, I really feel it.

      Jusr want you to know I am the same way! sometimes when I’ve met people and they find out my age their faces drop, then I feel old! 56 sounds old to them even though I don’t feel it, it’s so hard.

    • Em says:

      Hi…guess what, I am exactly your age, even same month. Although I don’t necessarily feel the same way you do because I like old movies and 70s music and I don’t walk fast and am not that limber…But I do feel younger than my actual age. Staying up all night is a different way to live for any age, I think. I’d say give people your age a chance, not everyone is stodgy and set in their ways, and even if they may look or seem older then you, they may have a young outlook. My friend who is in her 80’s has one of the most energetic and loving outlook of anyone I know of any age. Good luck to you!!

  179. Lonely mama says:

    Hey friendless people out there, I posted an add on Craigslist for friends with mutual interests. It’s free and you can leave the post up for a very long time. I met a couple of friends, and remember friendship takes time and patience and careful not to scare people away because you’ve made a new friend. It’s kind of like dating-play it cool and calm until you can trust them and then you can be more excited and hang out way more often. Everyone is going through a different level of pain or difficulty in life every day so hang in there-this too shall pass, keep looking:) also check the friends only posts on Craigslist and you may find some that have potential. I am 29 and new to the area with kids so I have little time and completely alone-I am motivated to find my people and establish good friendships that happen organically. Don’t ever let anyone bully or disrespect you at any cost. Good luck in your search!!

  180. Philz says:

    “The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends.”

    Does anyone know what this film or movie is ?

    • John Folk-Williams says:

      As I recall, it’s Truffaut’s Stolen Kisses, one of the films with the character Antoine Doinel.


  181. CJ says:

    I’ve grown up my entire life without havin’ friends. Throughout Elementary and Middle school the only friend I had was my cousin, and my other girl friend who was and still is a boy crazy nut-job and who is impossible to talk too because it’s always about her next best “boyfriend” or “everyone’s looking at me because they want to date me but I already have a boyfriend!” Most days at school I would eat alone because my friend would have her table overfilled with boys and not a space left for me. I’d tried making friends but nobody reached out to me. I wasn’t anyone’s partner choice in a group project and by nineth grade, I’d dropped out and started homeschool. I’ll be 18 by September and I’m feelin’ more lonely then ever before. I’ve considered just friending people on Facebook who go to my old school and striking up conversation but all of them are friends with one of my bullies and my anxiety/depression of being rejected stops me from trying to speak to them, rather it’s online, or face-to-face. I fear the rejection and therfor avoid the situation altogether. I want friends, but I just don’t know where to start…

    • Logan says:

      Hey CJ, I’m in somewhat of a similar situation as you. Read my long message and you’ll understand my problem. I to am very lonely, depressed and have intense anxiety. But I think people with anxiety are just people who care more than others. I may not be the best person to help because my life right now is being drowned by depression, anxiety, paranoia, and other bad things (you’ll know what the other bad things are if you read my message). But I hate the fact that people have to go through this stuff for no apparent reason. You don’t need to feel intimidated or anything by me because trust me I only want the best for you and myself. They say two nagatives make a positive, maybe we should talk and turn the two nagatives that are us into positives. Do you got a PS4 or PS3? We could play online just tell me your username. I hope the best for you and I hope I can get my fucked up problems fixed somehow as well. Good luck.

      • CJ says:

        Hi, Logan. I do not have a PS4 or a PS3. I’m not really much of a gamer. I just read your comment and I feel your situation in some aspects. I’m not depressed to the point of wanting to die but I am struggling understand my point in this universe when I do nothing but sit and watch it all go by…I have an E-mail, if you’d like to talk to me personally on a different site;
        thefriendlesschick (at) yahoo (dot) com

    • Heather says:

      Hi CJ, Have you tried volunteering or a group ? The hardest part is actually going. You might not make a best friend but you may! I need to get out too. I get lazy and shy to go out. Try a new thing maybe. You will make friends someday soon. Highschool sucks the worst it will get better. Also do you work? Most people make friends at work.

  182. Logan says:

    PLEAS HEAR ME OUT!! IF YOU CAN PLEASE HELP ME!! I’m very depressed and it keeps getter worse. I’m extremely lonely and just want someone I can relate to and have stuff in common with. I’ve got depression, anxiety, and paranoia. I wish I could just find what I need, whatever that may be. I’m 15 soon to be 16 in a couple of weeks. I’ve determined that I was a more sad than happy person when I was 13 and just kind of tried my hardest to ignore it back then. It wasn’t easy but I managed to just walk through the pain. When I was 14 it got a little worse but not to much had really changed, I had the odd happy moment but for the most part was sad. When I turned 15 (which is what i am now, soon turning 16) it got intensely worse. School was never my strong suit (nor is anything really I guess but my point is I’m not good at school) I was failing classes and had no friends(nor have I ever had any real friends). It’s not that people were mean to me it’s that I live in a very small community so there is not a lot of people around to make friends with. I like video games, heavy metal, rock n roll, comic books and other stuff similar to those. There’s nobody around where I live who is interested in that kind of stuff. I’m the black sheep and it fucking sucks. So I couldn’t even say I was failing because I was hanging out with friends to much I was just doing nothing at home and failing. I did however end up just barely passing grade 10 but towards the end of the year it got pretty bad for me. I was so scared and nervous about thinking I was going to fail and what people and my family would think of me and just tired of being so lonely and sad and even tired of being tired all the time if anyone can understand that. I started to have thoughts on ending it all (if you know what I mean) and started taking random pills before I would go to sleep with thoughts of not waking up the next day but it never worked. In the middle of the year if I was just having a plane bad day I would get high off pills before heading to school to get me through the day but that was only an every now and again thing until the end of the year when it was basically an almost every day thing (if your wondering were I got the pills from I just got them from the medicine cabinet at my house when no one is around or looking, I don’t bum them off the street or anything). I hated it when I was in class and the teacher would let us move are desks around and everybody would go into groups with there friends and I was always that awkward quite guy with no friends who sat alone. Or if we did work with partners and I would always be that one person who would either work alone or be forced with someone who didn’t want to be with me and get them mad at me for being there partner. My anxiety never handled that stuff very well. I have anxiety attacks about almost everything, I even sometimes wake up in middle of the night so hot and sweaty and panicky feeling for no reason and just sit there sad, sweaty, and lonely. And that’s if I can fall asleep at night before 6:00am. I blame waking up at night on my crazy anxiety. I thought that after school was over if I passed it would be very good to lift my spirits up. But it didn’t. My spirits stayed deep in the ground. I was relieved that I hadn’t failed but extremely sad about having no friends. I honestly started using more pills after school was out just cause I’m so depressed and lonely. Earlier today I snorted some crushed up pills to get high and try to get my mind off the world. I’m not high at the moment, the high affect wore off a while ago. I don’t know what kind of pills they were or what was in them but ther in me now. I can’t tell my family or anybody because I don’t want them to judge me or be sad or disappointed at me. I just don’t want anyone to think badly of me, I really don’t. My parents separated when I was a baby. I have a mom, step dad, and dad but no step mom. My dad used to be suicidal when around my age for a while but not anymore. He doesn’t know about my depression nor does any of my other family members. I really like my dad but since I don’t live with him I don’t often see him (I haven’t seen him in the past 10.5 months) I’m very good at hiding my sadness (of course one of the only things I’m good at is something that harms me, just my shitty luck). When talking to my mom or step dad I act like a happy person but when I go into my room that’s when I just breakdown and pace in circles and lay in my bed worried about what they or even anybody thinks of me and think about how much of a piece of shit idiotic moron I am while having stressfull anxiety attacks and just crying to myself because I’m fed up and feel like there may be no more happiness in me. I sometimes think that I’m just a spoiled little bitch because I’m not poor (not rich either I’d call my house middle class) and I still hate myself. It’s funny because when I was younger around the age of 10 or so I always thought why people would want to kill themselves because that ment absolutely giving up and I couldn’t see why someone would ever do that back then. I actually used to be a somewhat of a happy person. Not anymore sadly. I now see why people would do that stuff because I do it. Popping pills and snorting pills cause I’m so depressed and feel both anxious and paranoid about the littlest things. I just really need someone to help me through this hell because it’s getting to the point were I’ve felt so sad in the past instead of getting used to it I just feel worse when more pain hits me. I can’t take anymore. I’m scared that I’m gonna take the wrong pills (not that any of them are ever the right ones) and actually end it. I feel so sad, lonely, confused, anxious, scared and tired all the time. I fear failure but just don’t have the urge to be productive and do things. I want friends or even just a friend. I want to be alone at times but I hate being lonely (if you can understand that). I just want to be happy. I don’t want to have to ask for your pity I’m just all out options and pretty soon this lonely guy may very well just end it all. Please don’t think badly of me I just want someone to be there. I just want see the happiness in the world to get me to want to live.
    Please someone help me!!!!
    I’m just some 15 soon to be 16 year old guy who has depression, anxiety, paranoia and is very very lonely and needs help to live a happy life.

    • Logan says:

      If anyone is curious I also don’t have any siblings, any close cousins or people like that to try and make me feel better so don’t suggest that if you were going to. Please help. me I’m turning 16 September 2 and already have anxiety about driving (along with everything else). Please help me.

      • Mack says:

        Im 15 I struggle with depression. The last couple years I’ve had a very hard time making friends. At school I sit alone at a lunch table no one try’s to make sure I’m okay or even makes the effort to talk to me. Sometimes during school I go in the bathroom and cry because no one cares about me. I used to have close friend but she found better friends and ditched me. I honestly hate my life so much I want to find someone who actually can relate to me.


        • Logan says:

          I think I can relate to you. I to want friends by can’t get any. Maybe we could be friends, we could play playstation or talk on email. If you want just give me your playstation username and or email. I would really like to talk to you, I just feel so lonely I kinda crave interaction right now. I really hope you do have an email or playstation account we can talk on I would really like to stop being lonely, plus were the same age. We can really relate.


        • Krista says:

          It is actually pretty hard at any age, even for adults, to make friends if there is no shared activity. This is one reason that gyms and churches are full of adults. Are there any clubs or teams in your school that might interest you? Joining one gives you something to do that other people are doing and plenty to talk about with them that is fun or interesting. Music, sports, and clubs are traditional ways of meeting people and developing personal skills in high school. A part-time job after school is another possibility, with the added advantage that you would increase your financial assets by having a regular paycheck. Best wishes.

    • al says:

      Hello Logan,
      I know you can’t understand what a prize this is, but your youth is a fabulous benefit. You have the time to work things out. You will appreciate that more later. It sounds as though you need a bigger circle of people to pick friends from. Is there any way to find more people? What kinds of hobbies do you have?

      Stop taking pills. It will only make your problems worse to make yourself sick. Stop that now. It is dangerous, and you really don’t truly want to hurt yourself. Don’t blame yourself for your feelings. People here don’t. Realize that you are miserable because you do care about yourself. Since this is true, it means you can at some point take care of yourself and do the practical things that will put you in contact with people to help you chip away at your loneliness.

      Back to the subject of pills. It sounds as though you are in dire need of a psychiatrist who can prescribe anti-depressants. They will take the edge off your misery so you won’t feel the extreme sadness that causes you to write capital letters and exclamation points. Once the edge is off, you will feel less urgent.

      I have been there many times. Take care of yourself. It does get better. It really, really does.

      • Logan says:

        Thanks. Seriously though thanks for trying to make it better. But it’s harder than you think. I feel like I’m waiting for a perfect ending that will never come. I think people with anxiety are just people who care a lot more than others. I’m trying to play my cards right, it would be a lot easier if I had a better hand but I’ll have to make do with the hand I’m given, I’m really trying. I can’t tell anybody because I well just can’t, anxiety would destroy me if I did. Thanks again for even bothering to reply what you thought. I hope more people who are similar to me tell me there thoughts and try to help me. Thank you.

        • Krista says:

          My mom had crippling anxiety and depression. I saw how afraid she was. Being a toddler, I did not understand what was happening, but now I do. A few things were overlooked that would have helped her. She tried religion, but it might have increased the guilt and frustration, being so theoretical. Fresh air and exercise might have been better. If anyone takes a daily walk in a safe location, they do feel better. It is unavoidable to benefit physically and mentally from outdoor exercise. Indoor exercise is nearly as helpful. So, walking briskly outdoors or in a mall in snowy weather can help. So can bicycling. The motion, change of scenery, and new faces around you all make a dufference, as does fresh air. You also sleep better and wake up feeling good if you walk or cycle daily. Four times a week with three days off is a good start if daily is too much. A man I knew was so discouraged that he checked into a hospital. After taking up bicycling, he later told a girlfriend that exercise had become the most important part of his life. Running is another possibility. Competitive sports are not as helpful because you do meet a lot of competitive people who tend to put you down. It is individual exercise that helps the most. Best regards.

    • Dennis says:

      wow,you sound like me but i’m 61 ..funny..backwards that’s 16, like metal you said.. i collect music videos and just thought you might like this >>
      it’s nightwish ..i left a comment on this page also..i know that 61 sounds ancient but read my comment that i typed here about my lonliness..please don’t seriously think about ending it all because ending it all is something you can’t take back later..and dude,you don’t know just where ending it might take you..maybe to a place that’s even more lonely and painful really don’t want that ya know?if you want to email me let me know..i guarantee i’m not the type to preach down to you like a grandpa or dad because as i say in my comment here,i don’t feel older or the sluggishness of age ,so i don’t think of myself in that manner.and btw…Do you lay in bed when trying to sleep and move or ‘kick’ your legs(what’s called kicking in bed) because of tension??..just curious..I’ve been diagnosed as being bipolar by one dr and as just having severe stress by another..but my sleep dis order was diagnosed by both.. i’m also middle class even though i receive child benefits from my dad passing away in november of last year..i don’t lack for much..not rich by any means.i was raised in a middle cas home so those ‘traits’ and middle class notions and behavior stuck with me..thank god for that ya know?I’d be happy to talk to you any time Logan.Take peace in knowing somebody does understand where your coming from.

    • Melanie says:

      Dennis and Other Bloggers,
      I found your comments similar to my experiences and beliefs. I have been so depressed lately, and the world is getting more complex and difficult than it needs to be. I question my existence I know it’s been a few days since you posted, but I’d like to communicate with you and some of the other members. Let me know if you want to chat and compare notes.

    • Ashley says:

      Hey Logan. I feel in the same boat as you..I’m a 17 year old girl and I’ve always felt like I could never relate to other girls my age who’re just obsessed with magazines, reality TV, pop music. I like more of the stuff you said you were into which aren’t really common with anyone here so I’ve never had many friends, and even the ones that I have had- I feel like they all hated me. If you ever need someone to talk to you can email or Kik or even talk to me on Facebook because I feel alone as hell as well and just want someone to be able to relate to sometimes about our shitty, stressful, depressing lives, and be able to help each other. Please don’t end your life or do anything to hurt yourself.

  183. Marissa says:

    Hey everyone, I’m 26. As the days go by I feel like my past haunts me everyday. It fustrates me because I wish I can move on from all the messed up things my parents did to me. I dealt with physical abuse with one parent and when the other one leaves I deal with pure mental abuse. Nothing can ever satisfy my father. This man will talk about things I have done in high school and I am 26 now. He makes me feel like a failure in life because I didn’t finish college. I tried. My problem was this idiot kept playing in the back of my head over and over about my past. Today was my boiling point. I lost the diamond to my promise ring and he just kept talking about all the crap I use to do in the past all because he is mad because I couldn’t see him today. He doesn’t respect my relationship as a lesbian. All he does is complain. Sometimes I wish I can cut him off for good but it’s hurts me inside because he is the only parent I have. I’m tired of feeling like nothing and being compared to other people. Some mornings I wish I can drown myself in a tub of water. What’s messed up is I told him how I felt but he doesn’t care. I’m tired of battling this depression alone….

  184. Nigeria says:

    I’m only 19 years old and I hate my life. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember and as each year passes it gets worse. Lately I’ve been feeling very lonely, I have no boyfriend and I feel like I’m starting to lose friends. I hate how when people need someone to talk to I’m right there, but when I need support there’s no one around. I had to listen to one of my friends complain about her exes almost everyday on the phone, but when it’s my turn and I want to spend time with her she rejects it because she doesn’t want her partner to get mad and now we barely talk anymore because of her gf. I’m tired of this. having very low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and loneliness all combined is the worst and I would never wish it on anyone. The only thing good about my life is my family, I love them alot. But on the days when I actually leave my house, I wish a car would drive on the sidewalk and kill me.

    • David says:

      I am in a very similar situation. I’m 19 as well and everyone that was important to me (besides my family) abandoned me. Not a day goes by that I don’t want to kill myself. But I feel you and I hope things can get better. Just know that you’re not alone in this.

    • Krista says:

      I had a friend like that. I spent five years hearing her phone calls to me about her divorce. Then her new boyfriend and his ex wife told her that they do not like me. I never see her anymore. She has dozens of new friends, now that she has broken up with both her former husband and her new boyfriend (with his ex and their kids). I have a lot of new friends … who broke up with their gourmet husband a year or two ago. Probably what happened with your friend is nothing personal. Romantic breakups definitely cause the person who broke up to seek new friends … and often to dump the old ones. I had to get used to it. My town is full of breakups. These days I do not spend as much time hearing the details. They all find someone new in the end. That person wants them to have different friends. These people are in their fifties, too, not in their teens. So you might as well look for new friends yourself … preferably at least six or seven, in case someone loses touch with you because of their personal life or a breakup with their romantic partners. Breakups can cause a person to get rid of every friend who knew their ex. I have seen it happen many times. Good luck.

  185. Ramey says: