Depressed: No Friends, No Life


Lately, I’ve come across a number of questions online by plainly anguished people, asking: Why do I have no friends, no life? The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends. Isn’t it obvious? But I knew so well how much the question implied. Lonely and depressed, I had often asked that same question, or at least felt the need to ask it.

I wrote an earlier post about the difference  I experience between loneliness and depression. Loneliness is a sadness at the loss of close relationships. It drives me to reach out to people. Depression pushes me away from them. When I feel these two at the same time – as I can if the depression is not too severe – the tension of these opposing forces makes it all the harder to find the help I need.

Thinking back over many years of living with depression, I can quickly find many reasons why I had such trouble finding a friend to talk to when I most needed one. (I’ll set aside the much worse problem of not talking to my wife. I’ve said a lot about the reasons behind that, especially in this post.) Here are some of the problems from my experience. I can’t say how true they might be for others.

  1. Sometimes it wasn’t I who had an issue with reaching out but friends who had trouble opening themselves to listen. Many people refuse to talk about depression or other serious illnesses. I first found that out when I had cancer. It was stunning to me that a few people I had known quite well simply disappeared from my life. Though I never heard any explanation from them, my wife and I believed they couldn’t face the risk of emotional involvement and possible loss.

    Depression adds another dimension. Many may feel helpless in the face of a friend’s pain and despairing mood. When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings. That’s a language they haven’t learned and never want to know.

  2. One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt. It’s so strange to imagine that this could have been such a common occurrence, but it was. I stopped myself from reaching out because I “knew” these friends wanted to have nothing to do with me.

  3. Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone – too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. I ruled out the possibility that anyone could break through the wall I’d put up around me. The result was that I went more deeply into despair. Eventually, the crisis passed, but it wasn’t the isolation that had helped me survive. That only increased the likelihood that I might push myself over the edge.

  4. When feeling more numb than despairing, I could often get out and talk to people, even at social gatherings. But I became very nervous at what I might say. It wasn’t uncommon for me to make an attempt at getting to know someone or to get into a personal issue with a friend. But the words I found myself speaking were not at all what I intended. They had an edge to them, putting a jab into each pleasantry, souring a compliment with a sarcastic tone, or pouring out so much so fast that I sounded impossibly egocentric and uninterested in anyone but myself. I acted like someone I would never want to know. Of course, people could tell at once that I had “issues” and walked the other way.

  5. So often, I had to mix with people when I wanted only to hide. I made it hard for anyone to find me, no matter how many people might be in the room or how prominent my role was supposed to be. Emotionally, I lost connection with what was happening and just watched it go by. I felt so small and tried to be invisible. If anyone asked me a question, I’d become tongue-tied, or, if I tried to say much, the words and thoughts came with painful slowness. It was impossible for anyone to talk to me.

  6. At other times, anxiety and fear could hold me back from talking freely. Taking part in conversation was hard because I had to double-think everything I wanted to say. There was a danger in the simple spontaneity of conversation among friends – a danger for me of any uncontrolled talking. I had to reflect to get the words just so, and then would miss the right moment as talk flowed on to something different. It’s hard to imagine now, but talking freely felt risky, as if an inner violence might escape my control.

  7. Apart from all this, there was the natural reaction anyone might have at suddenly hearing from me when I was in need of someone to talk to. Wrapped up in myself and in depression, as I was, my reaching out was an attempt to meet my own need in a one-sided way. Not only that, but my friends would not find me at all even if they wanted to listen and offer support. I wasn’t the same person because I was driven by the strange, isolating rules of depression. Even if I didn’t want to be hidden, I was nowhere to be found.

All this added up to a comprehensive strategy for remaining friendless. And that’s what it was – a series of my own actions to keep me isolated from the help that friends might offer and pull me out of the life I’d had with them. This hit me one day when I was the one who was asked to listen to a friend in the midst of a terrible depression.

I met him at a restaurant for lunch one day, and I could tell at once that he had changed in a way that made him hard to recognize. Of course, he looked and sounded the same, but there was nothing in his words or reactions that was like my friend. He was lost, partly in rage, partly in despair.

When I tried to tell him the deep sympathy I felt for what he was going through, that only made him angry. More than that, I felt a deep rage boiling inside him as his eyes stared through me with steel intensity.

It was especially hard to see him this way since I knew I was looking at myself.

What has your experience been in trying to reach out to friends when deeply troubled?

Image: Some Rights Reserved by Ashley_Rose at Flickr

542 Responses to “Depressed: No Friends, No Life”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Megan says:

    I’m 28 and it’s a struggle to have any kind of life being different is a blessing and at the same time a curse….

  2. TheGhostofBelleStarr says:

    I’m 58, in the past 4 years my best friend was killed in a car accident, my only sibling a sister died of a very aggressive cancer and my husband who I had been with since I was 16 died of pneumonia. Both parents are dead so now I have living family. My husband and I were homebodies and introverts so our social circle was not broad.

    I have a couple friends. But I want to be more involved in life. Being an introvert and having always suffered from depression my whole life it is going to be very difficult for me to make a new life. Like many here I suffer with those same dogged thoughts of rejection, I’m not good enough, something is wrong with me, no one likes me.

    Unfortunately I can see myself alone and lonely for the rest of my days. I feel I do not have much if a personality so who would what to be friends with me.. I’m not good at small talk or bs.
    I can only hope I do not live too long I suppose so I can join all my loved ones.

    I am going to try and force myself to join Widows and social groups.

  3. Oliver says:

    A pseudo poem about my depression

    the twilight of my happiness broke
    and I started to brake with it
    I can’t do this again
    never knowing who is on my side
    who cares about me loves me
    or who see’s the truth
    that I am a miserable little creep
    a nothing with no wisdom to offer
    no interesting anecdotes
    who do I have left to save me
    who do I deserve
    who will leave when I share this burden
    who will never see me in the same light again
    I don’t want to do this anymore
    I want to end the whole thing
    but I wont and cant
    I don’t have the courage
    I hope happiness dawns again soon

  4. L. says:

    It is intriguing to see so many different perspectives on loneliness and depression. I was an only child, mostly homeschooled. There were a few painfully awkward attempts at normal socialization. My parents suffered ADD,bipolar disorder and had themselves endured abusive childhoods so it should not be surprising that they struggled not only to relate to each other but to the world in general. We were isolated as a family and we inflicted a great deal of pain on each other in our mutual state of depression, blaming one another and punishing one another for a mental torment we couldn’t quite understand. I think the isolation must have caused the depression for me at least. I never really caught on to socialization. I always had a very deeply buried resentment for people who weren’t as miserable as me and a fear of those who were. I think every one else could sense it I remember other children asking each other “what’s wrong with her?” They seemed disgusted as if I were a rotting corpse they’d stumbled upon. I don’t blame them. It’s like I was toxic. But when I was teen I met my husband who was so full of energy and warmth he wasn’t afraid of the dark clouds around me he thought I was beautiful because I was different, and he wasn’t afraid of all the years of pain lurking in my subconscious because he’d battled his own. It was like all the light I’d been denied suddenly exploded down on me at once and I was so glad I’d never ended my life and he was glad he’d never ended his.
    It should have been happily ever after right? Of course we still had to grow up. But we eloped as soon as I was old enough. We’ll be celebrating our 10th anniversary soon. I came out of my shell a bit thanks to his support but soon got pregnant. We had no money for child care and I have to stay home to raise children while he works long hours to support us. Latley I feel all the progress I made is lost. He does back breaking work and I can’t help him. He’s too tired to spend time with me. I feel so useless. Like I’m just wasting oxygen. My children are young but I’m afraid they’ll see me crying and start to wonder what’s wrong with me. I want to inspire them and shower them with positive energy so they never feel this but I’m failing more every day. I sort of blank out and wander to my bed curl up in the fetal position and cry and I can’t remember what it’s even about sometimes but sometimes it’s because I want to go back to when I first fell in love. And sometimes it’s because I’m afraid my life is so meaningless and my contribution to humanity so worthless that God would rather me dead . I think I should look for friends but I don’t know how. Usually when I talk people look at me funny like I’m crazy and then avoid me. I don’t have money or a car. I should be thankful my husband loves me. Sometimes he just ignores me. He’s always stressed and tired and has to self medicate just to keep working going weeks without a day off. And I’m here safe and sound where he left me like a pet cat. I should feel happy right? But I feel alone and meaningless. I feel guilty for being so sad when he works so hard. I can’t really find good reason for it but it won’t go away. The more I try to hide it the worse it gets. I could never afford therapy or real medication. I tried drugs but felt they made things worse. He says I should exercise and I want to but I can’t stay focused long enough to finish. I’ll start and then my focus fades and I wander away. I’m overwhelmed by house work. I can’t think we’re to put things or remember what task I’m supposed to be accomplishing. I can’t even remember to drink. I stare at the walls mostly. I’m always sleepy. I don’t know what to do. My life will never be better than this, if I can’t be happy and friendly now how can i ever be?

    • Maria says:

      L. I wish I had magical words to heal you. I wish I had money to help you. I wish I had wings to save you. But I don’t have any of those things. Just a sad story of my own. Hang in there friend, maybe some day the light will come back to us.


    • Kate says:

      Maybe you could look into your local community and see if they have any support groups available, or speak to your doctor and tell them how you are suffering. Maybe start off small with taking the kids for a walk with you, that might motivate you more and they might ask you too. You could always ask your husband if there is anything he needs or what you could do to help. It might make you feel less useless if you show him you’re making a change by going for walks or is there a course you could study or a hobby you could find and get interested in. The more you sit around isolated and thinking the worse you will get you have to find the strength within yourself to start making small changes, one step at a time. Have you heard of meetup . com it’s a website for people who want to meet up and make new friends..Stop over thinking so much and stop assuming what people think of you, just because you think that way, doesn’t make it true.

    • Anonymously says:

      Take your kids out and play, if you can find a group activity in your area with other parents and children try that out. Keep your kids too busy to see the depression or become depressed themselves, maybe after time you will be to busy with intrests to be depressed yourself. Your children are the ultimate contribution to humanity, focus on creating a positive role model and experience for them.

    • Anonymous says:

      Wish there was a way to communicate outside of this forum. I can connect with you on a few different levels. I too come from a family that did not socialize, I also have a loving husband and three children but no friends due to my social anxiety and weirdness. My husband works 12 hour days and we spend only an hour together at night before he’s exhausted and wants to sleep. It would be nice to share a kinship with you. Hope you find the strength to try some of the suggestions offered here…I will try to too.

  5. Shirley says:

    I am 57 woman who has no friends just lost job I loved and by looks of it not going to be able to get another one brought up 8 children who don’t bother with us unless they need something did take numbers of people worked with with promised we would met up and keep in touch but just things said but really meant husband no good with dealing with my emotions really trying to stay positive no people much worse off then me

  6. Mimi says:

    I am too going through depression and decided to seek therapy.
    I still feel lonely and depressed but im trying to stay positive and hope it will pass soon because everything passes.

    I want to say that to you but also to myself:
    You are all beautiful people and this is only a phase.
    We will get through this shitty situation and will show everybody who doubted us how strong we are.
    There’s a plan for us all !

    I love you guys !

  7. Nerdy Anarchist says:

    This might be an old post, but I need somewhere to vent, and tell my story.. I’m a 30yo Male, and I’ve isolated myself for over 8 years now. It of course became worse over time, to where I began refusing to even leave my house, except for the need of purchasing the essentials to survive(I rarely ever eat, I eat to live, not live to eat, human gluttony disgusts me). Needless to say, my friends became very annoyed with my extreme reclusiveness, and eventually, as I expected would happen, they all gave up. Now no one comes around, which oddly doesn’t phase me. No need for pointless human interactions I suppose.. I tell myself my Social Isolations, was a choice of mine. After so long it really began to seem that way, but of course that’s not the case. I have other psychological disorders that are considered severe by any psychiatrist. It’s been more then 3 years since I’ve admitted myself willingly in any kind of institute. I’ve completely stopped going to all doctors. So no, I have not been taking any prescribed medications, despite the warnings from psychiatrists if I did so. I’ve written myself a reminder to make an appointment, but its nothing but BS that wont happen. The problem is, my depression keeps me from even bothering with help, although I know my life is wasting away. I suffer from BPD as well, which decides the outcome of my day. Even if I wanted to go to some social watering hole, I can’t make or even keep plans. I never know how i’ll feel on that particular day. The last time I hung with friends, I became extremely overwhelmed from all the people crowding me(even though they really weren’t), and I deffinitely can not handle the loud persistent chattering and laughing. All this causes bad Anxiety which eventually turns into anger and anxiety. when I become annoyed or angry I have to leave before my attitude gets the better of me, and causes harm to myself or others. Due to this, I can’t go to any department store, social gatherings, or any crowded places. This has all effected my life way more then just socially, I have COPD, so I cannot work, even if I find a job, my shitty attitude always gets me fired. This all adds to my Apathy. I personally don’t want to hate being around people. Nowadays, I don’t care about much of anything, such as, money, marriage, having children, or any kind of relationship either sexual or friendly. People I know personally, friend and family alike, all either ignorantly or refuse to understands what I go through daily, despite my best efforts to explain my bizarre actions. I feel as if I’m a lost cause, always thought I’d die young anyways. I’m a good example of what happens when Social Isolation is left untreated, along with other Disorders. I of course want to change my life for the better, I live with a lot regret. Even so, years from now, I’ll most likely be in the same troubling predicament i am now. I’m sure just like every other person(s) whose also commented on this topic, told their story in hopes of maybe helping someone, by pointing out the effects of Social Isolation, and the causes and effects when someone’s Social Isolation becomes Extreme. So much life passes you by. Eventually you’ll have nothing but anger and regrets.

    • Anon says:

      You sound a lot like my ex, she suffers from anxiety, depression, and she believes BPD but none of it has been diagnosed as she needs to keep her job. She has MS which preys on her physically but more than it affects her mentally.

      We were in a very happy relationship or so I believed from, we had so much in common, had wonderful holidays to places like mexico (we live in europe so bit of s big deal here), we were talking about the future, marriage, kids etc, then one day in October she messages me from work saying she wants to be in her own.

      i talked to her and she broke down crying saying she isn’t capable of being in a relationship, that we want different things and we’re different people, all of which is complete rubbish as she is wrong but that’s how she feels in her head, then she told me she thinks she’s got BPD, and depression and anxiety is caused by her MS.

      I tried again to talk to her multiple times, I tried to empathise with her, but she is dead set and now really apathetic, saying I don’t understand what she is going through. She absolutely broke my heart, but I still love her but more than that I feel sorry for her and worry so much about her.

      She hides everything from her friends and family i’m the only person who saw her at her lowest but now she won’t even speak to me, I have been completely frozen out, but from work colleagues of ours she “is fine”.

      I know she isn’t fine and she is suffering in silence when she doesn’t need to, I told her my door is always open. I fear one day she may do something really silly as quite a few of the people do in my profession as they can’t get the help they need or they will lose their job. I also know I can’t keep trying to contact her as it would constitute harassment.

      I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, do I risk trying to contact her for her to possibly get annoyed and say something that will make me lose my job, do I say nothing and watch this once wonderful person destroy themselves, do I speak to someone in my job and have them removed but get them the help they need alternatively this could “push” them over.

      All this is making me depressed, I never have had a large social network and I put everything into this relationship before we broke up, now I sit and worry by myself with no one to talk to.

      Mental health is a bitch, it affects more than just the individual, it affects people that love them as well, it’s kinda contagious in a way.

      Guess what i’m trying to say is you think people are being ignorant or can’t understand but they probably do understand, of course they don’t know how you think but I guarantee they care.

      The mind of someone in their lowest depression is very irrational, a person who isn’t suffering from depression will never know how that feels but at the same time those suffering need to understand their mind is not behaving as it would normally and not to give up on people simply because their mind thinks they have given up on them, this is way too easy to say and very difficult to put into practice without professional support and possibly medication.

      Your brain can develop problems like any other part of your body, if you suffered from a broken arm would you not get it set in a cast?

      You recognise your brain has an issue why shouldn’t you have it looked into, so what if you you need therapy, you would need physical therapy for physical injury, so what if you need medication, develop a dodgy ticker and you take meds every day for the rest of your life.

      The stigma of support for mental health lays at the feet of both those suffering and those that don’t suffer, both groups need to accept the brain can break like the kidneys, the arm, the leg, the liver, or any other part of your fleshy meat bag you call a body and do what you need to (and deep down if you thought about it rationally want to) do.

      This may sound like i’m preaching, or ranting, and I am in a way, I wish I could say this to my ex because I don’t think as long as I live i’ll ever love anyone as much as I do her but I feel I have lost her forever to mental health stigma, get the support, the help, the medication, whatever you need, I don’t care what it is, just do what’s right for yourself and those that love you because people do love you.

      • Robert says:

        I can relate to bits and pieces of everyone’s stories! Only child, KIND OF A LONER and as a result invested everything in romantic relationships. Attracted many women with lots of baggage, and spent almost my whole young years trying to “fix” and rescue” I suppose at some deeper level it was a way to barter for Love and loyalty.
        At 55, I find myself alone and fractured memories of failed relationships. Hardly anyone alive from family and No male friends. Most of my so called male friends were really just allies on a barter system that was skewed, i.e. Do for me as much as possible but don’t ever ask for much in return and we can stay friends…..

        A few years ago I ended my last dysfunctional female relationship when I concluded that I was in my 50’s, with little savings and no family or friends heading down the path of complete RUIN!
        Completely focused on generating a cushion of financial security, today I am worth about $175K.
        Still in the same social situation as before however, at the least, I feel some safety and somewhat insulated from the disasters of being all alone and without anyone to help me if I fall…..

  8. Sarah says:

    I’m 60 and have felt lonely all my life. But in the past 10 years I lost everything- home, family, friends, career, either to death, suicide or people wanting nothing to do with me after I was hospitalized for treatment resistant depression. Everyone abandoned me. I was so sick with depression and still am that I don’t know how to reach out, koi with people who might be a friend, I just don’t even get out of bed. I live alone, no one calls or visits. I was fired from the last jobs I managed to get for “being mentally ill”. I want a friend so much but have lost hope that anyone would want to hear about the real me though I’d listen to them. I talk to my cats and go no where. I live on a litt disability. I’ll never have a life and hope I die young.

    • Michael says:


      I feel as you do. I know the pain of enduring day after day in despair. Please know that there are others like us who do go on. I often think that I want to leave this world and the misery that I feel. The reason I press on is that I have a 15 yr old son who is my life. I understand you have lost many close to you but realize there are those who love you and people like me who would gladly be your friend. I pray for God to comfort you.

      Your friend Mike

    • Mimi says:

      Hey Sarah,
      I am going through depression too!
      And I want u to know that you are not alone !!
      I’m working on my depression with my therephist and hoping for better days to come as hard as i can because I don’t want to waste my life. I think u should go to therapy, it might not solve it immodestly but it will help a little and make u feel like u have somebody to talk to.

      You’re not alone!
      And from one human to another -you are loved !


  9. Candy says:

    Hi my name candy.iv never bin lucky finding frends .I tried so much .it’s always me that runs after friendships. I’m 43 now bin on me own 4 9yrs now.mum well she 8ts me coz my brother raped me .it stop came out 6yrs ago.i got married at 19 to a man that beat me wasn’t alourd to have frends or look at a man .after 14yrs I left him.still on me own ad 3 kids bye him but after they was out of 2ndy school he toke my son he was 11.dint c him 4 4yrs .then he toke my 2 girls age 9.and 12 .9 yrs now ant sin them .I ad little brake down.i started to have pains in my head.6yrs now.i fault I was gonna die .have in no frends our family eat me up .I cleaned 5house a day 21 in a wek my own private jobs.but pains was so bad.then a wonderfully man who I married loves me .but I still cry over not seeing my kids .I never done enythibg only leave him.i never get over it .mum lives not door.she wood burning nice to strangers to make her self look good she left me dad 4 nover man and he comes 1st .she loves her son and if the rape come out she wood my sisters mum .left me 4 dead. It’s brought on .burning braine it’s like hot boiling water running down side yr head .it never go .it’s sad I no .but have in my husband is everything.but I’m still lonley .just want to make frends meet up have chat coffee or wat ever.b nice if a couple as I got husband .b4 he got wiv me he meet up down pub wiv he mates but then he’s marriag slit up she went of wiv summone so he lost he’s mates coz he lived wiv dose get lonely but we try make the most of wat we got.i got so much more to say .but u got to move 4wood. Coz my braine will burn .so it be nice to she a chat make new frends av a laugh a fank candy

  10. Katie says:

    I have never heard any one else describe the conflict I feel between lonliness and depression as well as you did. I’m honestly not even sure I had realized that that was a huge conflict in my life until I read this! I feel like I am in a constant battle between being so lonely I coud die and being so depressed that I want nothing to do with anyone. A few months after graduating college my mom became ill and I became her caregiver for the next 5 years until she passed away two years ago. I am having such a difficult time dealing with not only losing my mom, but she was my best friend in the world. We had such a crazy special relationship and I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore without her. I’m not sure I can handle the level of pain that I feel on a daily basis and I find myself functioning less and less. I have lost several family members in the past several years and after my mom died my brother and dad basically turned against me and I am finding myself utterly alone for the first time in my life. I have tried to reach out to old friends but it seems like every one is in their own world. I’m at the end of my rope- I’m trying so hard to stay positive and do what I need to do to get out of this hole but I’m waking up everyday feeling worse and worse. Anyway, I’m glad I ran into this page as it gave me some clarity about my situation and how my lonliness and depression are at odds with each other.

    • Anonymously says:

      Hang in there, I am about to graduate and feel like a similar situation may happen to me, but with no job and after leaving a life that now doesn’t seem so bad, to go back to school for a better life, which seems impossible now. I hope things get better for you.

  11. Ryan says:

    I’m 22, basically have a handful of friends that have all moved off to university to make a life for themselves and I’m stuck in this dead-end town in a pretty demanding job that feels like its crushing me.

    Sometimes it can be the smallest of things that can set my depression off, really stupid things. I’m then left in this horrible state where I’m scared of the world around me. I’ve been dealing with this for well over a year but now I feel so crippled by it all, I spend most nights lying in bed wishing I just had someone to listen to me. I talk to those friends I mentioned before through facebook daily but I can never bring myself to tell them how I’m truly feeling, what I have left of my pride just doesn’t allow it.

    Honestly I feel so pathetic.

    • tigerlily says:

      Your high school friends are no more accessible, they are off finding new directions and life like you are. Don’t follow them so closely, they are now your old friends, but you may go back to them later in life. You are young and need to get more outgoing even if it is difficult. Take a course, go to the gym, learn a sport, go dancing, start a weekend volleyball team, find a second job . I found more friends thru my jobs always had two at your age. Be positive.

      I am very shy and insecure, but, I am also wise and have a good sense of humor – my few friends see this as positive…I have several dear friends now by finding one good overly extroverted outgoing friend, then met all her friends. I have a best cousin and a best friend from high school (reconnected) and my good friend from my 30’s ( and her bfriend) and old boss who is a good friend. I am not a jealous friend, , I try to find good qualities in everyone. Also , Quality over quantity when it comes to friends…

      You are not pathetic, you have a job and free will, you are a step ahead compared to other places. Accept your self or change or move or just decide to wake up happy, you are in control.

      Celebrate each day, you are young and in good health. I am old with many problems and some health issues so I can say that you should try to make these years best times of you life.

      Take care ,

  12. Ann Marie says:

    I cope with depression, anxiety, fear and anger daily by walking with God,do spiritual reading,pray,,work Emotions Anonomous,12 steps,slogans,replace drug,drink with people,feelings and Recovery Inc. based on Mental Health through Will Training book by Dr. Abraham Low. Attend support group online on Sundays 8-9:30. Cost $30/yr membership. Great program.

    Typical meeting donation is a buck a meeting or $4 a month or $48 a year so less than typical. There are quotes in book can cling to when in symptoms such as if down, ‘move a muscle, change a thought’. If nervous, ‘just the outpouring of a nervous imbalance’, fear,’are a capable lot but paralyze ourselves with fear’,anger, ‘temper begets temper’ ‘is a luxuury can’t afford’ Basis of mental illness is anger and fear.

    Judge,don’t accept, compare self to others. Project negative feelings onto others so think out to get us and feel as we do about selves when often people into selves,thinking how they are coming across and wondering what others think of them! Paranoid. Some degree normal. When to extreme that effects functioning and one avoids people, going outside,places, oversensitivity to criticism, misinterpreting what people say and right away think is a criticism or take each affront alleged as personally!, is a problem.

    Avoid the labels of mental illness and diagnoses. Are for insurance purposes only. Chip away daily at the thoughts,feelings and changing self defeating behavior to have a more enjoyable life and self concept. Keep busy too, preferably doing what enjoy. Appliles to work and when not working. Watch what think and say. Be positive,feel and behave better. Take meds as prescribed if recommended.

    Exercise,eat well,get fresh air,light,volunteer to get out of head and self, not all about us all the time. We are just not that important. Not movie,rock stars,etc. just people. Strive to be average. Is our fear that we want to be be perfect but fear we are less than average. Many of us are well-educated,smart but..self-absorbed to the point of being bores.

    Develop good social skills and a caring attitude of service and generosity and you will find slowly that things will improve and turn around for you. If people dislike you, keep it moving. Even jesus dusted his feet off when talking to a wall and went on to next! We are not Jesus. Helped,cured and still was killed.

    Many people are mean,ignorant. Just the way it is but not all. Strive for the good and to see the good in people and drop the judgement. Many of us were judged harshly so do the same. Seek out people who can be honest with us in a nice way so can grow as human beings. See what may be doing wrong so can change. Ex. gossip. Here’s to your health!

    “as a man thinketh is he’

    ‘Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent’ -Eleanor Roosevelt

  13. jinu says:

    hi i am housewife got two kids. ever since i moved with my husband i am haunted with depression because the way i looked at fiends was totally different from the way my husband had. i dont want to call a person friend if that person is not sincere. so i hardly got any friends but husband got lot, so everyone find me alien in the group. i tried to speak about with my husband but he said i need to find my own to get out of depression and sadness. it been 6 yrs now still i find hard because i feel even my husband is keeping friends to those people i hate. is it because i think negative about everything this happening or is it because i need one shoulder i could cry and they could say ITS OK I WITH You

    • female says:

      I feel the same way. Im devorced. Meet a new guy i have two children and am very isolated. He socializes with any walk of life. And because I dont I dont have a socail circle.

    • Paula says:

      Hi, I can really relate to what you are saying. I too do not want to have friends if they aren’t sincere. I feel sometimes like I’m too hard on what friends I do have and struggle understanding if it’s me or just my situation. I suffer from chronic low grade depression and have all my adult life. I am also naturally introverted and feel exhausted and uncomfortable in situations with more than one or two people. I’ve recently decided to give up on a “friend” after constantly being stood up for coffee dates . I’ve talked to my sister and husband who both feel like it’s the best move on my part. Unfortunately since then I’ve been experiencing a spiralling downward. Last year I had to make a similar decision which another friend who had blatantly used me and who’s husband I suspected of inappropriateness with my disabled son. Unfortunately she was the only one who understood me cause she herself struggled with depression. I long to reach out to her but can’t due to the danger it puts my son in.
      I’m such a giving person to friends that I end up with people who abuse it. I won’t let myself be walked over anymore. I wonder sometimes if it’s karma coming to haunt me. I’m so confused about how to maintain friends that I’m frozen in place. I don’t trust myself at all. I see people who have friends for years that are basically like family and I long for it. I feel so angry at these people for letting me down and using me and yet I’m angry at myself for no being able to understand how to navigate this thing called friendship. And I’m angry yet when the advice I get is to not be the person I am in order to have friends. I simply don’t get it. It’s like this weird labyrinth I can not solve. I’m so tired of trying to solve this and yet no way for me to leave it alone.

  14. No name says:

    I am …..grateful but lost my attitude for gratitude. I feel down and last night felt like if God took me now then I was ok with that as I have done all I can do. I am not and never was suicidal I’m stuck and realise I am lonely and in a fog of depression.

    Basically What has caused this was recently working as an office manager 5.5yrs and made redundant without warning and given 1 hour to leave and say goodbye to an empty office was an adjustment I had to make – new management saw no value in me.
    Luckily my son had finished private school that year and We worked so hard to give him the best education and I was unhappy with the new boss and work ethics and how my employer treated people. It was not how I wanted to be treated. So I took this change as a blessing in disguise.

    My husband resigned that year too from poor management in his job and started his own business and I adopted or fell into the role as manager for our home business.

    Our business is expanding but I am only starting to learn a new role. New software and no office yet to call my own. My husband works 15 hours a day! He took his laptop to our once a year holiday to work on and off for the 9 days break. It is taking its toll

    My social and work ‘outside’ life has ceased. I get outside my front door once a week. Usually to attend church.

    I used to speak publicly as an advocate for depression and anxiety but have put that on hold. I was helping so many by my talks of hope and well being in recovery. . ATM I feel i would be talking empty words.

    My husband thinks I should feel great and free and keep the house clean and tidy and not he’s not stopping me from going for a walk. But I don’t have the want to walk I don’t have my freedom. I have lost my independence. I talk and hesitate when in public when we are together waiting for him to correct my speech. He loves me and would give me so much but I feel frozen and stuck!

    I wrote a book and it was published in 2014 and in the very early stages of working with a producer and small team who are exploring my story making it onto a film.

    My older siblings show hatred toward me and the closer siblings are supportive, including my parents. But the ones against my story are cruel and bullying and the Christmas Joy attempts were made to spoil that.
    I told my life story and instead of them pleased of my survival and recovery I am looked down upon as shameful to express how I felt and the stigma they have because of a sister with a mental issues.

    I survived a breakdown at 16 and relapses for 15 years and later post natal depression with my only son. I NEVER gave up but lady night I felt weak and tired. Tired of the bullshit

    Depression and anxiety is real and when we feel thrown on the scrap heap there is a reason why we feel that way.

    I am writing to this website totally out of the blue because I read comments today that I resonate with and although not a professional to give advice or take my own, it’s ok not to feel ok. If we see it then we can act on it.

    I’m looking for life choices and ATM the major one is to not isolate and be hidden behind my front door. I think I will try water aerobic classes for excercise. Cost effective. And to meet people outside my walls of isolation that I need to break through.

    My husband is at golf and he said I could walk holes with him and as nice as that was I need something for me. So thanks for this chance to vent as anonymous.

  15. Noname says:

    I see people post about feeling lonely but they have husbands or wives or family or friends. They say they still feel lonely because those people don’t want to listen to them or whatever.

    But what about about people who have none of those….who would love to even have little but? That person in the room with them at least. A person to even bounce small talk off of.

    What do people who don’t even have that little bit do? Those who are totally alone.

    • Noname says:

      I meant. … Would love to even have that little bit.

    • Michael says:

      I just wanted to say that you are not alone it’s amazing I feel exactly the same way I’m not trying mirror you to make a friend from despair
      I’ve had cancer and I have anxiety loneliness depression the same definition I feel less lonely that I was able to read there are people that feel very similar and I’m looking forward for more blogs like this
      Struggles are physical memory issues arthritis pain fibromyalgia brain fog feeling not worthy not working no social life I’m very fortunate I have a family I have a roof over my head I am trying to get mindfulness approach though it’s very challenging to apply because that negative mental chatter hard to block I believe in therapies actually that you confront your here around shoes when we leave you can relieve your Mysteries and hurts and pains anyway I have a tendency to put myself down as well and I don’t know why I do it you know when you go to cancer if you times and then a stem cell transplant you know you can look good and you look like you’re a real together person but there’s issues that goes on for some people . And yes when people ask me how am I doing they mean it and rhetoric so I say very very well and they’re shocked as I used to not say that and that even makes more people abandon you it’s so weird when you get in your abandoned by all the people you thought you were close to except your immediate family . Oh by the way instead of you about myself but you know what I think you know what I’m saying and I’ve known people that went back to work and they’re doing extremely well and good productive life I I’m tired of sitting and moaning about my condition so I’m going out of the shell in trying to meet people I have found myself very socially awkward for being such a Hermit I might have been out of practice for 7 years and you know everybody’s different we’re all different individuals and damn I like to be positive as I can by hanging around a good environment like the YMCA like you mention it that’s a really good thing and I go there but I don’t feel as lonely and I go to the pool and the hot tub and I do the nustep and recumbent bike so keep it up when I can exercise and feel more alive worst thing is to hang around the house and mope and feel sorry for myself there’s a lot to be grateful for

      • Noname says:

        I think your reply was supposed to go to
        “No Name” I am “Noname”. I wish someone would have responded to mine though.

        • So alone says:

          I absolutely agree with what u mentioned noname and I totally got what u were saying and being alone and totally alone means u have no one people having a wife a husband family or friends that’s not being alone I have no one I have opened up to people to let them know I’m dealing with alot and i’m alone and what happened I got no support and to me I feel they don’t care so no heartfelt for me it’s truly sad how people treat and act towards others when u let them know u need them that’s why I opened to them now I sit in my rm so alone I have said to myself who wants to live like this not me I wish I had someone to talk to and feel really care about and as u said noname who would love to have a little that’s I want

    • Nearly a ghost says:

      You ask what do people who have nobody. I can only speak for myself.
      Early mornings when despite tablets ( which have my head all messed up) I lie with that awful depression and hopeless thoughts. Memories of another rejection, when I have confided in a ‘friend’ inappropriately, one of the problems of being completely alone is a tendency to elevate friends, people who only want social company, into people who are very important. Add this to a fear of being rejected and it is self-full filling.
      I find I am such a sad person these days that I even envy people who have no family as it seems better than having family who either don’t like you or don’t want to bother. I have had to distance myself from my ‘family’ as they only hurt me.
      Where it is lovely to have a social life, to me nothing beats having that one special person who is there with you, on your side.
      I go to groups when the depression allows, I have made ‘friends’ but unfortunately sometimes when completely alone you can attract the wrong friends and I have just added more fodder to the low self-esteem pile.
      Now I think others must have been correct, the fault is with me, certainly now, as I have become dysfunctional with others and find it stressful, yet I know I need people.
      I have thought of suicide so often but for one reason or another did not do it, but I think when I do it will be sudden and impulsive as the blueprint is in my mind.
      I am old now but may have another 20 years, do not want to go on as I think I never learnt, except in shorts bursts, how to manage life. If you have a bad childhood, unless you happen to be lucky to meet a great partner, life is very hard.
      My marriage was a disaster which I stayed in too long, trying to ‘fix it’ or accept it. No children.
      Now, all completely alone.
      Please, nobody reply with platitudes.
      Dogs are the only friends worth having.

  16. Trista says:

    I am excited to have found this site. I am 55 and have a caring husband & kids. I have struggled with depression all of my life & have been on many different medications over the years & also, a lot of therapy sessions. The depression has intensified since I started going through Menopause. Today, it is all I can do to be up & out of bed. I have lost friends & feel very lonely & isolated most of the time. Because of my faith & loving family, I wouldn’t commit suicide, but if God wanted to take me soon – that would be fine. I would have loved to be involved in a support group with other people dealing with depression, but that is non-existent in my area. I could really use a friend to talk to who understands.
    Thank you for listening. It helps to be able to talk about it.

    • Frances says:

      I don’t know how much I could help you because I am going through depression too, however knowing there is someone out there going through it helps not feeling alone, you can talk to me anytime, I will help as much as I can and maybe you can also help me. I will keep you in my prayers.

  17. Julie says:

    Hi had “2” friends who i thought supported me. Even thought my husband does. However one of them has distanced herself entirely from me and i think the other one is too. My husband doesn’t understand the self loathing which intensfies when something “little” to everyone else really upsets me. This situation with the two friends is all i think about. I am trying to get better. But i feel that they won’t be around to see the REALme.

  18. Nik says:

    This article completely spoke to me. I am 34 I have been fired and the only reason I can think of is that I had no desire to be there. Basically I live at home, I have maybe one good friend and I have no job. Recently I have been seeking some help, but I am afraid to try to make friends because it usually ends the same. Is there anyone out there around my age that has risen above and beat depression in their 30’s?

    • MikeyB says:

      31/single/male Unmarried Millenial w/o Kids:
      I’d like to think I’m in a similar boat as you, otherwise I wouldn’t be here the day before Christmas Eve literallt alone in my apt playing this unending relay out over and over in my head as to the multiple reasons why I am alone, lonely, in debt, heartbroken, depressed, addicted, confused, angry, envious, lethargic, distracted, and damn near me…you are not alone.
      It’s not natural for man to be alone; nor is it conducive to compliment solidarity with continuous nihilistic choices.

      Feel free to hit me up. I’d benefit from chopping it up with people who are going thru similar battles

      • Cynthia says:

        I’m in the same situation that you are in and I don’t know how to get out of it I’m 56 years old I want out and I don’t know what to do or how to do it I can’t sleep get up worried I don’t know what to do please reply back to me right now I need you to talk to me I am a female thank you sincerely Cynthia

        • kathy says:

          I am a 59 year old divorced female. I was fired from my last job. I have no friends and manage
          barely to keep a roof over my head and car payments etc. You are the first person who is near
          my age. I know what its like to be alone. I need someone to talk to also.

          • Sue says:

            Dear Kathy and Cynthia,
            I am a single 61 year old female. I have a grown son who has his own life. I don’t have any friends and have just been laid off from another crappy job. This has not always been the case, I was moderately successful until four years ago then it all went south. I now live in a dump, have no job and no prospects. I always assumed that by this stage in my life I would be looking forward to retirement. But I continue to struggle just like you Kathy to keep a roof over my head. I worry about becoming homeless. After I lost my job and had to sell my home last year it seems my son is disgusted with me. My family is dysfunctional and just doesn’t care, especially now. I want to change my life but its just been one thing after another and I don’t know how to overcome it all anymore. I don’t know how to make things better. I am losing the battle of trying to remain hopeful or positive and have become very negative and withdrawn. I have attended a local church and want to become social, make friends, create a better life but something holds me back and at the end of service I rush to my vehicle and feel relieved as the door closes and I am safe inside. What the heck has happened, what is wrong with me? I want to change but I am so afraid and so angry. Any suggestions?

      • Hannah says:

        I am 48. Widowed as of three months ago. My husband commit suicide. I am in a town where I don’t know anyone. I have no family for 2000 miles. No friends.
        I have chronic pain, PTSD. Fibromyalgia. Cfs. Severe depression all before he died.
        Now I’m wondering why am I here.
        I have a dog and three cats. I wake up for them.
        But it’s not enough anymore. I have nobody here to care. Trying to move back to where I was before we moved here. But if I can’t sell the house. I’m stuck.
        House isn’t selling.
        I can’t work. So I don’t even have a social life at a job
        I go to my drs spots a couple days a week. I come home and take pain medication and antidepressants to keep myself from dying.
        Now I wonder if any of its worth it. I have no motivation. No future. No goals. Nobody loves me. Nobody to love. I’m isolated and hanging by a thread.

        • tigerlily says:

          Oh No!! 48 you are too young, you have a 2nd chance to change your life. You are in the midst of grief, give your self time. Take walks, join gym, reach back to something that made you feel happy, art class, anything. My heart goes out to you.

        • Stacey says:

          Hi hannah, my name is stacey and my husband also comitted suicide 5 years ago.. he left behind 3 children.. our then 12 year old, and 1 year old twins.. its been a struggle to maintain friendships.. nobody seems to get what i go through.. i struggle with depression and anxiety.. sometimes i feel better.. most of the time.. i do not.. dealing with losing a person from suicide is a very unique situation.. ( i also lost my dad to suicide when i was 17) im almost 40 and still trying to figure out how to deal with the loss of my partner of almost 20 years.. i feel awful when i hear somebody else is struggling with the suicide of a loved one.. i know how it feels and even tho i dont personally know you, i can completely relate.. i will check this forum to see if you reply back..(i know its been sev months since u posted on here by the date) i just found this site tonite.. i will have you all in thoughts and prayers… stAcey

    • Anonymously says:

      36 male, as far as I can figure out, if you have a job you must get along with someone or else they would not have hired you. When you do find someone to be a friend or significant other you must never tell them you struggles, nobody but a therapist will listen or stick around to listen. If you do get a therapist be careful to not to talk to others like you would your therapist. I think single men in their 30s-50s are thought of as tools for business, breeding and bringing happiness to others, nobody wants to hear how they feel especially possible mates, they will leave when they find someone who seems to have no problems, unless they are good problems, such as too much work that makes money, or not enough time because of successful business persutes.

  19. Tina says:

    I am 14 and a freshman in high school. I am extremely depressed, even my doctor knows that. I took a test, and was afraid i would get to a hospital if i put down my honest answers so i sugarcoated on it. She said i was on the borderline of depression, so I know i am. And it feels like it gets worse every day. I have MAJOR self esteem issues, autistic (but i grew out of it mostly), and i have a very complicated family (extremely long story) and it stresses me out. I moved about a year ago, and I became extremely shy and… wasnt myself anymore. I felt it later on that i changed. I have one friend at school, and I cant talk to literally ANYBODY. Nobody even knows who I am, I’m that shy! I grew apart from my best friend ive had for a couple years now and nobody notices how im feeling. Nobody, not even my mom. I feel like im a bad person, and I cant handle it anymore. How do i not be so shy, and closed-off to everybody? Especially with being depressed and having self-esteem issues?

  20. Kruti says:

    I’m 22, and I feel like I cannot connect with anyone my age. Sure, my family loves me but they got their own stuff going on and people they can relate to. My boyfriend is always there for me but hes got a life of his own too and his own circle of friends to hang out with. All my life, I haven’t been the centre or even in the periphery of anything. I’ve lost touch with friends from school, and the “friends” from college, I don’t feel like it makes a difference to them whether I’m there or not. None of them make a big deal of my birthday or try to ask if I’m okay or not, or try to consider my schedule when planning anything. It’s hard meeting new people who want to be friends with you because probably they have already got their own friend circle and you would be in the same position as before in the edges and not in the loop. It’s not that I want to be around people all the time, it would be nice to know someones around for you and genuinely want to hang out with you. I don’t think I’m a bad friend but apparently I’m not a fun enough person to hang out with or talk to. Tired of trying hard to be a good friend when you are just a fall back option for someone else. I don’t think it matters whether I’m there or not anymore because nobody would notice

    • Julie says:

      I am 46 and you sound like me. I am tired of trying to make people like or rebuff when i try.

    • Ellie says:

      Hi, I’m seventeen and am going to graduate high school this June. I live a relatively okay life, my family is middle class and we have a nice house, my parents are okay compared to the parents of other people I know, they have stable jobs and aren’t drug addicts or anything. However, my mom has expected too much from me my entire life. She would check the school website where parents can see your current grades and we would have screaming matches whenever I had a bad grade aka bs or cs. Even when I was in elementary school. Last year I tried to take a highest level class and I really struggled with it, so the fighting got so bad and I was constantly filled with anxiety wondering if she was going to check the site and see the test I failed that day. I also have no friends to talk to about my problems. I have like two that I talk to in school, but that’s it. The one I’m closer to talks about her problems all the time, but if I try to talk about something that’s bothering me, she doesnt care and just changes the subject. So I don’t even try to tell her that I despise my mom. I scribble all of my feelings into a journal, which helps, but it’s not the same as having an actual human being to confide in. And On top of high school, I’m taking courses at the local college so I can graduate from college faster at my moms request and it stresses me out SO MUCH. Every time I think about working on those classes I want to die. They’re so time consuming and I feel like I’m wasting my teen years doing homework, I never have time for any actual fun things!!! Well if I had friends, I could hang out with them on the weekends, but since I don’t have friends, I just hang out with my MOM because I’m lame af. I’m young and boring. I wanted to go to prom, but I don’t talk to any guys so no ones going to ask me, and it’s not like I have any single friends to go with. I was also kind of looking forward to going to college, but now I’m worried that NOTHING will change even then. I’ll still have no friends. I got a job, and haven’t made any friends. One girl I work with a lot told my “friend” who also works there (the one I mentioned earlier who only talks about herself) that she doesn’t like working with me, which pretty much means she doesn’t like me. Because I’m boring. Understandable, I wouldn’t want to be friends with me either. Anyways, I always feel so down, at school, home, wherever. Sometimes the fog lifts and I can go shopping or I’ll bring my sibling to the movies. But most of the time I just feel bitter towards everyone, towards my family, my so called friends, the other kids at school. Myself. Idk but somewhere along the way I lost some key quality people use to make friends. Whatever. I just need to survive these next few months, and then I can spend this summer, alone, in my room.

      • Kay says:

        Baby, I am so sorry you’re feeling like this. I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t have the pressure from parents that you have, but I got all the rest. I was called boring, and I felt boring. I didn’t have any close friends, and I spent high school feeling alone. College was full of loneliness too because I always felt less than.

        All I can tell you is take care of yourself. Put yourself and YOUR needs first. If you need medication and therapy, do those things. Get those feelings out with people who are available to listen. Do not let yourself stay in a place where you feel uncomfortable…and give yourself the break that no one else is giving you. You are so deserving of giving yourself a chance and a break, just because you’re you. Take it from another struggling from depression.

        Just give yourself a chance, keep telling yourself you matter (especially when you don’t feel like it), and build up your self-esteem.

  21. sarah m says:

    so right now im going through depression . The reason for this is because when i turned 15 years old i had left my father and step family that i knew almost my whole life and lived with them for 4 years . As i got older i started realizing more things and started making mistakes so instead.of talking to my dad or step mom i randomly left and moved back with my mom who is also bipolar , depressed and schitzophrenic. I am now 20 years old and havnt seen my dad in a couple years and i feel like im left with mobody because nobody really cares to listen or just wont understand and i dont know how to explain it but it hurta and i dont know what to say to him or my stwp family to make them understand . I was blind to what i did and my biggest regret in life was leaving him . What and how do i do what i need to do . Everytime i try reaching out i jist give up again because i feel like its too late .

    • Carstice says:

      Sometimes parents can be difficult because they only see you as who you were and not Who you’ve becomenow. Do what you can to succeed and grow and your dad will see the progress in your life and welcome you back in his. My son, I love dearly but I am tired of his problems. Telling him doesn’t work and he continues to get into trouble. I still talk to him and let him know I love him, but I can’t keep tyring to fight his battles when he doesn’t want to get better. All we ask, as parents if you fall get up. If you screw up, fix it, and if you can’t fix it do what you can and move on. He will notice that you have matured and your dad will welcome that.

      • Tina says:

        I have THE SAME EXACT problem as sarah m has. But what if nobody listens? what if nobody realizes, and all you do is wonder what you could have done differently?

  22. N J says:

    Your article pinpointed exactly how I feel. Loneliness is so hard. I’m not even sure if my friends have abandoned me or if I pushed them away, but either way I’ve drifted apart from everyone over the past 2 years – family and friends. I feel like I am wasting ‘the best years of my life’ (I just turned 24) alone in bed. I desperately want to talk to people and connect, but I also don’t want to selfishly burden people with my depressing thoughts all the time – I don’t want to bring people down, and acting ‘normal’ takes so much energy, it feels safer to retreat. How did anyone get over the situation in the article? At the moment, I’ve been feeling pretty suicidal for a while and I feel like if I went, no-one would know or care. I want to reach out but I don’t know how. I want to go back to being the old me – I feel like I’ve lost the ability to communicate or express myself properly. How can I be less wrapped up in myself? How can I stop myself from irrationally thinking everyone dislikes me?

    • Kruti says:

      I feel exactly the same, and I wish someone told me what to do. But your post made me feel like I wasn’t alone, so thank you for that

    • Krista says:

      You know, I have never felt depressed, but it strikes me that sports might help. I like swimming at the YMCA because you have people around you, but no one talks, since they are all going in and out of the water. I like coffee shops, and also libraries, for similar reasons of being with others, but not having to base it on talking. I go alone. Best wishes.

    • Julie says:

      I feel the same. I would live to hear some tipsx

  23. Josuke says:

    You have a wife, that’s more than 99% of us. Never found love, barely even held someone’s hand. Crippling loneliness and feelings of exile for 10 years now. No point trying anymore.

    • MB says:

      Sorry to hear that, Josuke. I will say, however, that being married or being in a relationship is no guarantee against loneliness.
      I am married and although I love my husband, I’m often painfully lonely.

  24. Janco3 says:

    I’m a 51 year old man and my life is over. The few “friends” I do have and family can only deal with me in very small doses because of my severe depression. They keep our conversations quick and superficial. My days and nights are completely filled with overwhelming feelings of anxiety, dread and doom. My ability to make reasonable decisions is long gone. I’m losing my will.

  25. StupidAssName says:

    I am going through the worst time in my life. I am divorced from my wife after 12 years and having a very difficult time holding it together. I am still in love with her and she could care less about me. We haven’t spoke in so long I just want to kiss her and tell her I love her. But there is no chance I will ever have that again. There is no one for me to lean on to distract me from my new shitty life. I have no friends, no fun. It’s been about nine months since we split up and I can’t seem to move on. I know she is out with her friends and meeting other people, probably fucking other people by now. She wanted this. Sulking and thinking about myself is all I do. I don’t go out because I’m too insecure in every part of myself. I dropped out of my university to go be with her while she continued her career only to be thrown back out on my own. Now I deliver pizzas and go to school online and I’m embarrassed to tell people about it. I’m embarrassed that I’m in my 20s and already divorced. I’m embarrassed that sex was so bad between us that the next woman I meet I will disappoint. I just want someone to go smoke and drink with me but I can’t muster the courage to ask anyone. I’m afraid of what I’ll say, how I will act in public. I am afraid of rejection. I’m terrified of meeting a new girl because my wife was my only lover since high school. I didn’t want this life but I am being forced to live it. I feel my life is meaningless. I think about death and suicide every night. I feel older everyday and that every moment that was gifted to me is being squandered. So many “I’s” in this post. My depression is almost a reverse narcissism where I can only focus on my woes and nothing else matters. I feel so selfish and lost I don’t know if I’ll ever turn it around. I forgot how to love people and myself. I can’t be open with others, or share my thoughts. When I want to speak, I run over the scenario so many unneeded times in my mind, my heart starts pounding and then I just don’t say anything at all. I don’t expect anyone here to be able to help. In fact I know what I have to
    Do to feel better I just can’t bring myself to do it. I just needed to get this out in the air. Thanks for reading.

    • Xäþríð says:

      Hey man. Its places like this where you meet new friends.

      I’m currently very depressed as well. I’ll admit, my life is going alot better than yours. But I still feel the pain of nihilism and existentialist nightmares as well as the loss of all my friends.

      I just want to say, I feel for you.

      I feel terrible about the loss of your wife. I wish I could talk to her for you and resolve you guys’ problems. I know what it feels like to lose the one you love.

      Just keep these goals in mind and you will feel better about yourself to a point that makes living bearable:

      1) find a hobby of some sort. Its tough and I still trying to find something I enjoy (I dont enjoy anything anymore). But it will give you a reason to live.

      2) learn about philosophy, Rhetoric, Arts, and Sciences. Become the smartest you can be. Its pointless to be irrational while being depressed. It makes life worse. You have to be tough and use the one thing that will keep you company no matter what you do… Use your brain. The worst case scenario is you find yourself realizing most people are idiots who dont deserve your time. This leads into the 3rd point.

      3)Find people who also are invested in content based topics. Trust me. You dont want to be friends with basic people who only talk about trivial bullshit. They’re the fake ones. They’re the ones who will leave you on a whim because you’re not feeding them false happiness through imagery of a positive outgoing social butterfly. That’s what they want. All these mindless fools want to be herded like sheep by the alpha.
      The intellectuals will come back again and again with a give and take mentality because part of what they want is to teach you what they enjoy.

      Honestly I would love to be your friend if I got to know you. It just depends on what you’re into. You’ll find alot of people who would like to be friends with you but it depends on your interests. Find a group. Become part of a culture. For me, I enjoy Metal. That is my life. I go to all the concerts in the area. Great places to make friends.

      Good luck man

  26. sincitylife says:

    Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. This year is the same as last. I’m depressed & alone. No friends nor family invitations in the rural town I live in. Ughh!!! I just needed to vent. I feel better now. Cheers.

  27. Chris says:

    Thank you so much for writing this John Folk-Williams . You have clarified a lot for me and I feel relieved knowing that someone else understands and can explain it.
    You helped make my life better and a little less lonely 😊

  28. Stacey says:

    I’ve messed up ….I got drunk at the weekend and ended up getting in a state I’ve now lost my best friend…I suffer with depression and know I shouldn’t drink but I did now I hate myself all over again …..I’m lonely I’m depressed and I hate myself I feel like giving up as that’s the easy option I don’t know what to do anymore or to make this feeling go away …I have now 1 friend left who I see now and again but I just destroy anything good in my life

    • Chris says:

      Hi Stacey, I hope you’re feeling better now. When I read your comment I wanted to give you a hug and the reassurance you need because I know that feeling too well, I’m still cringing at what I’ve done under the influence of alcohol years ago and still trying to avoid drinking. Lost so many friends.
      It’s definitely not a good idea to get wasted if you have depression, alcohol is like a magnifying glass albeit a twisted one!
      Whatever happened that night might feel way worse to you than it really is, if you want to get it off your chest write it down here where no one knows you and I’m sure there’ll be many who can say it’s not so bad or that they, myself included, have done worse.
      If you didn’t do anything bad apart from being a messy drunk then don’t worry about that because it happens to most people and your best friend shouldn’t abandon you because of that, if she did she’s too strict and critical. She should talk to you about it.

      The main thing to learn from this experience is that alcohol is not your friend, it makes us behave badly and causes pain and self-loathing so make a decision to abstain from alcohol. Unless you can keep yourself to one or two drinks max but then stop so you don’t drown in it.
      The next main thing is that you need to love yourself dear, so start by giving yourself a hug and telling yourself that you love you 😀
      Go on it’s not crazy! What is crazy is to listen to the jerk in your consciousness that’s telling you to hate yourself! Who is that jerk anyway? Kick ’em out 😉
      Every time you catch yourself hating on yourself stop and address the situation immediately, it helps to be light-hearted about it and tell that voice “Hey who let you back in? Get outta here you’re stinkin’ up the place!”
      Look for the love, the humour, the silliness and joy in everything because the sad stuff will always be there like weeds in the garden of your mind.
      Learn about meditation it really helps to know your inner demons and to stop being afraid of them.
      Train your mind not to go down the dark road and to stop yourself once you find you are going there.
      Try to make yourself laugh and don’t give a 💩 what anyone thinks about that!
      Love yourself Stacey you are your own best friend first.
      Infinite love ❤️

      • Lynda says:

        I spend a lot of time reading people’s comments, and yours… Was just what I needed to see today!😊 The best advice I’ve seen in some time and in fact while my mind was wandering down a dark road hating on myself.. Something in me said STOP, and then I read your words saying the same thing!! It’s a hard skill to master! Thankyou for being the kind of person you are if no one has told you that recently!! Brings a smile to this sad face!😊❤️

  29. Naomi says:

    Thank you for this article it helped put things into perspective for me.

  30. Tammy says:

    Hi. I wrote “very depressed,lonely,no friends. Is there any help out there?” And this came up for me to read. Thank you to all of you who have written. I read what you say and wish I had you here as a friend. I have been trying to deal with depression for about 40 years. I am 57 but don’t really feel ancient. I don’t have a job,live in a small rural town. I don’t know! Seems overwhelming to even write anything. I have 2 sisters and 2 grown kids here that I don’t see much unless I go to them. And, of course, all they want to do is text a couple sentences, not a conversation on the phone..

  31. Garett says:

    Hey, I’m Garett. I’m 16 and that’s about it. Nothing else. I’m a nobody. This downward spiral of an insignificant life has just been shit and put a strain on me and my girlfriends relationship in my opinion with the fact that I’ve been depressed since before I met her at camp about 3+ months ago (probably more now) it’s shitty and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know, I have no friends, I’ve distanced myself from my previous friends because they bullied me to the point of being socially awkward with everyone around me basically preventing me from making friends. I just don’t care about all this bull shit I get. I come home from school and all I do is sit and wait for it all to end but it doesn’t. I have nothing to do, my friends don’t call me and my brother doesn’t even want to hang out with me because they too, bully me about me having “no friends”. I can only talk with my girlfriend about anything. But I feel bad because I think I just talk too much. She’s the only thing I look forward too this year since because it’s a long distance relationship by only a province over and that’s what I’m anticipating, seeing my only friend. I just don’t know who to relate to. She’s been through some of the same shit as me and that helps bet she doesn’t know how bad it is. I just feel like dying because I can’t stand all of this bullshit. Thanks for hearing me out or whatever. Bye…

    • a friend on the net says:

      okay Garret let me stop you there you are 16 and have a whole lifetime infront of you , i was bullied badly i was beaten i was this and i was that but so have alot of people in the world and we all just dont see that we all have a fighting battle at home at work at school wherever but if we all just gave up and locked ourselves away the world would be a dark place and it isnt it still has light in it we have to look after ourselves and others as we expect them to look after us hold yourself higher than bullies because when they grow up they will regret it because we grow older have children and BAM!! you regret everything bad you ever did but theres nothing you can do but chanve the future and be happy because your still here you are most probably a lovely person kind and if i can be 1 out of billions of people to just get through the bullshit to get where i want to be then why cant you be another and more will be just keep your head held high keep focused on working hard and do right and trust me you will be the last one laughing i hope i helped make you realise peoe out there that dont even know you care

    • Krista says:

      Sounds as though you may be ahead of many men your age, if you have a girlfriend. It is fine to place some of your trust in her, if things are going well between you. High school can be awkward, but after graduation, you really will have a lot more choices and can probably then relocate, join the military, marry, seek higher education, seek employment, start a business, or volunteer. If any of these appeal to you, you could begin planning in advance what your future will be like. After age 18, it is mostly up to you how you live.

  32. Alex says:

    Hi I am 26 years old with very few if any true friends, for the past 5 years I have been wallowing in a terrible depression. I did alright in school had some friends, went to Uni met some cool people. However I lost my motivation. I bombed out of my degree on my third year I guess because I knew I had fked up several modules at this point and a good result was out the window.. I had to delete facebook as all my past friends having such great lives and my profile is just bare. I deleted it because I was ashamed of how sucky my life was, Birthdays especially became very awkward. The depression started midway through university. I lived in a shared house with some stoners. I enjoyed getting high and playing games. (as they did too) However eventually I was sort of ostracized from them especially through my activities or doing nothing but play games and get high I could sense their problems with me. ( a lot of them not even legitimate or me not being able to defend myself most of the time my thought process was fuck them) so I withdrew and isolated myself even more, just letting their complaints wash over me. Before they left the house I overheard one of them say that I wasn’t even human. Which did hurt as it came from one of them I thought I got on with alright.

    I couldn’t get a job at the time as I had no references. (did try) Also my best friend who I knew from college and I went to the same Uni with kinda dropped me. I connected with him and believed we were good friends. However he enabled my bad behavior and enjoyed my self destructing, I allowed myself to be manipulated even though I did know it was in his nature. I decided to finish my degree via open university. Which I completed decently. During this time I got on job seekers benefits as it was next to impossible to get a job I applied to a care worker job. And they actually got back to me. I thought getting a job would be good. However I quickly realized im very awkward and shy. Im also second guessing everything I say. Often resulting in saying nothing. Also some of the other support workers are getting on that I have no friends due to quietness. One in particular who im starting not to like said he noticed im never on my phone and asked do I even have a phone. This was in front of other support workers and made me feel like such a loser. I don’t even want to go to work anymore as I think they are all going to be judging me. The only person I hang out with atm is a painter and decorator that did up our house. Hes like 46 or something. My parents I can’t really complain about we’ve always been financially secure and they always did the best for me.

    Whats worse is I have the pressure of my future career, as my parents always get on at me. First it was to get a job which I did get.. Now they getting on at me for a career. It hurts me that im such a disappointment to them. Even from an early age in nursery I suffered from lack of motivation. So much so my parents took me to psychiatrists and pediatricians to see if there was anything wrong, but I was healthy and intelligent (apparently). Just feel like im in limbo now. I still get enjoyment from games but it feels empty. I get so involved in the games most of the time I don’t even complete them because I don’t subconsciously want it to end. So i’ll drop it and move onto another game. The same happens with books. My father has suffered from depression too. However he was a very successful doctor. He commonly says at my age he was a practicing doctor. I guess the weed smoking is filling an emptiness in me.. I smoke like half an ounce a week. My parents I think know or suspect. Just used to the routine of watching tv series, playing games or reading the news/watching youtube. I often look back and wish I did more and valued friendships more and worked harder for them.

    • Joanne says:

      Are you taking anti-depressant meds from your doctor that can help control your anxieties in social environments? it seems your down own yourself and you have very low self esteem. Most parents nag their children mine were the same until i decided to move out and be independent standing on my own two feet, yep it was hard at first because i no longer wanted to accept their help and soon learned to get by on my own money and i have never looked back!!

      • Beverley says:

        I took a long needed vacation …..while Gome I stopped my mess. .
        I felt just great I was bust making new friend out every day. …back to the happy me ..I returned to the states three weeks back and depression is creeping I’m
        I not going back on the meds as its not medical it’s situational. People here do notsocialize they sit in boxes on social media. .it sucks .I am trying to learn how to make active frieships and it’s not easy .
        .so we have to stop thinking pills will make us happy .

    • pri says:

      Hi alex….
      mine is almost same story as urs…i can relate myself to urs ….but i am 25 and from last 4 years i am literally doing nothing ….almost everything same situation as u faced ..friends, family,games can be replaced with my thinking too much and internet…. and worst is career as urs..i don’t even know what to do with my life…i used to happy, energetic, funny, had friends…but now no contacts, nothing.. i don’t even know whats wrong with me i think laziness … i am trying to come out of situation but i can’t really…
      So, how u doing now..any change ? hope u get interesting job and be success full n happy ( its weird i am writing comment)

    • Chris says:

      This post really sticks out to me, especially because you posted it on my birthday. I just turned 27 and am failing out of college. I was doing really well when I started at the community college last year. I even was awarded a small scholarship for getting excellent grades in mathematics. Over the last 5 or 6 years or so I have been combating depression and low self esteem. A lot of what you mention in the post fits what I am experiencing in many ways. You are not alone.

      Let me know if you find any good guidance on this. Thanks.

    • Harry says:

      Hey Alex ,

      Very similar experience but mines possibly even worse considering money is an issue , don’t know how to get over my self destructive nature I’m be 26 in a few months going through an MBA i see people two years younger to me motivated and doing better and have acquired jobs already whereas I was supposed to be the experienced one but am still to get a job , wanting a specific job ( a personal career goal path ) knowing that I’m capable of getting the skillset knowledge required but am just wasting away my talent being lazy and depressed all day , now I think back to the moment I decided to do an MBA I knew I would have had to interact with alot of people and be positive that was the biggest thing for me as I was a very closed person with cynical views trying not to be socially awkward , dint really have a stable upbringing with my parents always fighting and finally seperated a year ago ( I love with my mom now ) I tried to this course with all the positivity but now I have to sacrifice the career path I wanted to walk on and take up any job offering that comes by the college , feeling so down now whether I’m capable of getting a job or not ( dint get selected for a job in which I had prior experience but others younger to me with no experience did ) this has broken me and even if I land a job now ( not the one I want ) I know I’ll be an empty shell disappointed in myself I dint do better )

      • tigerlily says:

        Stop comparing yourself to others. If you are smart, kind, degreed, and working towards goals you are doing fantastic…Everyone has a different path, long , short, effed up or otherwise. Keep applying for jobs it only takes one. Remember all jobs have are valuable and add to you your experience and skills. My husband interviewed for almost 20 jobs while in college, it took while but landed a good one that led him to a great one.

  33. Nicole says:

    Hi everyone. So, I am a mother of 4 in my thirties. I recently found out my husband had been shooting up and smoking crack. Shortly after, my daughter came to me and told me my husband had molested her. The police took him out of my home and away from his biological children. I had become extremely depressed, I had to have someone stay with me to take care of my children. My husband was our only income and when he had to leave we lost everything. After all this happened my daughter came to me and told me my husband never touched her. She thought by saying that, that the police would make him go to rehab. He’s still not allowed in my home. I am struggling every day. I am so stressed and lonely. I have no friends and no family close by. I feel like a failure everyday. It takes everything I have just to get out of bed. How do you put yourself back together after something like this? My life has been ripped apart! I am already bi-polar, and I struggle to keep myself together. All of these added issues have really gotten to me. It’s a struggle when you have noone to talk or anyone who understands. Thanks for letting me get this out.

    • MILTON says:

      Thank you for sharing Nicole.
      Even though we’re only distant and digital, people here are human and do read your post and empathize. I expect you never imagined life would turn out this way.

      In case it helps, go to enter your city then enter words like: depressed
      There maybe a group nearby you can force yourself to go to if only not t be alone.
      Or a ALANON meeting nearby.

    • Naomi says:

      Nicole, your story sounds very similar to what I have endured in my own life. After going through such experiences it is very easy to isolate and in many ways move away from people because you find yourself not knowing who to trust. I often fought this and would get myself out there only to hide again from the world when someone would break my trust. I have learmed to just kerp moving and remeber who is important like my kids. It doesnt entirely help but it does keep me moving at least. I am truly sorry you and your children had to endure these things

    • Ann says:

      Hi Nicole,
      I am so sorry you went through all this.
      How are you feeling now?.
      My kids are raised and gone.
      I thought I had a best friend but she robbed me.
      That is my 2nd robbery of a friend in this life.
      I don’t have any family left close by.
      My parents just passed.
      My husband passed 5yrs ago. We were best friends.
      I was married early in life for 7 yrs but I found out he was doing cocaine.
      I wondered where all the money went.
      I was a R.N. and had a separate account after he drained our checking account a few times.
      I guess I could go on about my health but it doesn’t matter.
      I feel lonely almost daily.
      I try to do outside activities but I’m too depressed to get dressed some days.

      Email me back if you want. I just wanted to say hi and there are ppl who feel sad and scared of what’s next.
      Maybe I can help you or ech other.
      God bless you.💝

  34. Eron says:

    Hello. I’m 16 but in actuality I feel like I’m in my late twenties. I have a smattering of mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety, or PTSD. My mother was clinically insane when I was growing up and my father was in constant denial and eventually succumbed to madness as well. So after years of physical and mental abuse, I finally made it out while I was in sophomore year. I currently live with my older sister, who works 3 jobs just to pay the rent in the apartment we live in. You can practically guess how dire our financial situation is just from the debt we’ve gained. Unfortunately, all I can do is work as well, and somehow keep me from killing myself. I’ve never had any real friends, due to the interference my parents had inflicted upon me, and even if I tried now, nobody wants to listen to my problems. I’ve learned too much from the past 10 years of my insignificant life that healthy people do not want to be with absolute downers. I’ve lost many so-called “friends” from just confessing that I had a shitty life. Right now, I just don’t know if I can hang on anymore. I’m very unrelatable. Asian, Genderqueer, Pansexual, mentally ill, with particularly nasty experiences.

    • Charlene says:

      Erin, I feel your pain from your post. I can’t say life will be easy, but you have to fight for yourself to get yourself out of your current life situation. I really need to take my own advice on that one. My Mom says I call just to “dump on her” and that she hates it. I am an adult but I have never felt like I had anyone I could talk to. I still feel like a burden to anyone that I tell my problems to. So I keep them to myself and suffer with them. We probably both could use some help. I know sometimes psychology books about depression or other problems have gave me some understanding but I am still working on making friends. It is hard to be the only person like you. I recommend volunteering. You will meet people with big hearts like you there.

    • Maxx says:

      Hey Eron. I can relate to you. I have PTSD having suffered from trauma early on in my life. I have anxiety and depression and although many acquatinences and people I see often no friends who really know me and not anyone I know extrmemely well and safe around. I feel like I am too fucked up to be friends with anyone on my college campus and who wants to be friends with someone who dosent even know themselves? Who isnt even very nice to them? I try to be nice and kind but I have nothing to say, I cant relate. Im trans female to male which is making things so much more difficult and making me very uncomfortbale in my skin. Im also pan and well yea..mentally ill. oh man..its a tough road..thank god for the internet.

  35. Matt says:

    Hi i’m only 14 years old going to be 15 in october, and theses past few years hae been really rough for me and i just need someone to let it all out on…. About 4 years ago my father that I had not seen since I was 3 years old tried to come back into my life. And at the time I had many friends at age 11, but anyways he tried to be my father again but I wouldnt let him for the first year and finally talked to him and now i see him on weekends. And about a year later I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and when I went back to school everyone started thinking I was dumb, and that I couldnt do anything they could and they all just started to ignore me and not want to hang out anymore. So lately I have been sitting alone at lunch and spending summers in my house not interacting with “friends”. So my life has been hard these past few years. so there is my story.

  36. JC says:

    I was an only child. I learned that school was not a place for only children. It was a place where one got bullied. If you did fight back it usually hurt. I thus decided from about the age of 5 to avoid people at all times since most were only interested in either bullying you or trying to get others to bully you. Or they just wanted to get their own way. As I moved school often I was forced to be the new kid. This meant I had to learn how to fight. I soon learned that it was always the best thing to attack the chief bully, and that way victorious or inconclusive, respect was earned and people naturally stayed away from the ‘new kid’. I learned that making friends was a bad idea, as they would turn on you sooner or later. Thus I grew up totally alone. I played alone. I sat alone. I learned alone. I got very good at school, college and university. But all these things I did totally alone despite being surrounded by people (who were generally I believed potential, if not hostiles). When I went to work I was the scientist, the specialist and I learned it was better to work alone as no-one understood my work, could critique it, and the outcomes were only for the most senior people, who never argued with their expert (me). I learned that if you kept you head down, worked hard, and didn’t socialise with anyone that was a good idea, since you were never at the heart of gossip, and thus remained aloof. I didn’t ever try to get a girlfriend though was was always attracted to nice women. I didn’t try because no-one ever bothered approaching me, as I am not that attractive, though I have a smart appearance. Girls seemed to ignore me. Women continued to ignore me. I decided that they were like all other people: potentially hostile, and thus best avoided. I avoided everyone in my life. I like to avoid other people. I now work totally alone, sell my services to random people whom I will never meet, over vast oceans and that’s best for me. I don’t have depression as such, but I do have something much better: I know that when I die no-one will cry over my death. No-one will mourn me. No one will even notice. That’s a nice thought as that means I have at least given many people the avoidance of suffering. That is the greatest gift one can ever give.

  37. Alice says:

    I relate to this article. I am middle aged and a victim of domestic violence, betrayal and lost my home and all my possessions (almost). I found during my divorce and even now 3 years later people don’t want to be around me anymore. I am filled with problems in my life with having 2 teens – one with mental illness and my ex also has a personality disorder and will try to fill my life with chaos. So my life is nothing but ongoing problems due to be surrounded by mental illness. I now have low self esteem after being cheated on for years and being told I’m worthless by my ex repeatedly. Anyhow, people just don’t want me around I’ve noticed. During the separation when I finally told my two closest friends about the domestic violence, they started excluding me from activities and eventually dropped me as a friend. Other people acted like they cared, but they only wanted the dirt on my life. After they heard my story – they basically moved on. I had opened up to others with hopes of them becoming my friend and helping me through a tough time in my life. I am now alone most of my time. I don’t date because I’m done with men. I am to the point where I realize people don’t want to hear your problems. I don’t want friends anymore – because I find most people are very superficial anyhow. If people only want to be around me when I’m happy and productive and looking great – where is the depth of that relationship anyhow? I read, watch netflix, you tube videos, garden, etc. I go to church and help people when I can – but beyond that – no close relationships. Have one sister I talk to sometimes – she too doesn’t want to hear my problems all the time – she says its draining. It makes me sad – sure. But I keep praying to God and reading my bible and I know with time things will work out.

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Alice, your story sounds very much like mine. My husband was abusive and I actually never told anyone, when I eventually told a friend who I’d know for years she straight away stopped calling and including me in anything. This was years ago but now I just think well that’s really not a good friend.

      People have invited me places but right now I feel so down and to be honest it’s such a drain talking to people and trying not to look so sad that someone comments on it, so I have my dog and cat and stay home a lot. I do want a life and know only I can work on this, I’m so sad, lonely but I have a hard time trusting anyone because of everything that’s happened so it’s a circle and time is marching by.

      You know you’re not worthless, sorry you were told this and it does affect you that’s for sure. I’d like a good healthy relationship but am scared, my husband was so mentally abusive and I had severe depression, it was torture.

      Sometimes I think okay, I’ll be fine with just me and my animals, just go for hikes etc then I think I want a life!!

      One thing I have learned is not to trust someone too soon, that takes time, also not to talk about my personal stuff as so many just want to know everything then they move on to the next person.

      I love to hike and my daughter keeps trying to get me to join a hiking club but I am master of procrastination!! again though only I can do it.

      You have a lot going and you must take good care of yourself because you are worth it!

  38. allegra says:

    Hello to each of you who find yourself hete tonight..because your not out enjoying life this summer evening. Insteqd your inside reading a depression log about our friendless existence. At least we are not incarvinated…except in our own, my oen…sick mind. I’M HOPING FOR A BETTER LIFE SOMEDAY? BUT SINCE HALF OF MINE IS OVER! And I seen to have pushed most people away, I dont feel too hopeful of reestablishing an entire change of being as I would first need to bh trust in myself and others and…give a shit…lately all of that seems like a tall order. I have a great therapist..i just need him more like 8 hrs/wk versus 1hr/wk. If you can identify, and find some humor in life as i love humor..or you can contribute, or enhance my current mindset…go for it plz!!”

  39. Alllegra says:

    Hello to all of you on here tonight. I can identify with many of the posts here. I haved been depressed on and off since I was a child. Sometimes I still feel like a child trapped in this adult body with adult responsibilities. I have depression and social anxiety and have pushed most of my friends away. It happens if I feel I may be hurt, I get out first. I’m a very young in heart, soul, and body 56 yr old. I am very much alone, except for my 2 cats who put up with me. I have had some bad relationships which have caused me to have trust issues with men. In patticular..but if I am lied .to, which is difficult for me…i wont trust..I’m more apt to leave a relationship I have tried to build. I seem to have walked away from my family, at a young age, and from a divorce, another family. It becomes harder to build new relationships as one gets older..even if Im very active, like to camp,dance, swim, etc. Depression doesnt help that. I feel like the men my age on here who have stated that its easier being around younger people than those my age as many of my friends were, are in their30’s. I hope to get to know others here for support, friends as well.

    • Christina says:

      Hi Alllegra,

      I feel like I could just copy/paste all of your words, and that would be my story almost exactly. From what you wrote, I have everything in common with you except for being divorced. I’ve never been married. I’m currently in a relationship with a man, but we live together as only friends because I don’t trust him. I also had a bunch of bad relationships with men and no longer trust men in general.

      I’m sorry, this can’t be helpful to you. I saw that no one has replied to you and I just want to let you know that you aren’t completely alone. I hope that helps a little. It helped me to read your story.

      I also get along better with younger people, so there must be something to that. I also feel like I’m still a child inside, but living an adult’s life. Were you abused a lot as a child? I had an older sister who hit me in some way or just thoroughly beat me and tortured me for hours every day of my life. My parents were divorced and we lived with our mother who worked full-time to support us. At the end of her work day, she was too stressed to deal with my sister for abusing me. So the cycle went on and on. Ironically, this sister has pushed me away completely in life rather than vice versa. And yet I still strive to be allowed into her life!

      There was all kinds of other abuse in my childhood too. Maybe this is why we continue to feel like children. Maybe we are stuck back there because it was just so traumatizing.

      Are you on Facebook? I ask this because I find it very painful to see how happy other people appear to be with their family, friends, and lives in general.

      I am 47 years old, so maybe I’m young enough to be someone you may relate to better or more easily!?! 🙂 I hope that made you laugh or at least smile.


      • allegra says:

        Hello Christina, and thx for your reply. I did find it helpful snd comforting. It’s not always easy for me to find my way, exactly back to this section of this website to reply as I’ve found myself reading alot all over this site. I use a computer all day at work and sometimes not so intetested in phone or computer in eves. Also, I have a fb act, but not a fb petson. I’M PRIV , and can only use fb to sm. Degrees. Stay in touch…I need some connection w. Others as i navigate the next steps out of my current shitty mindset.

      • L says:

        I can relate. I am am almost 40 and in the past few years I’ve watched my life take a nosedive (not that it was so great to begin with). I suffer from years of mental abuse from my Asian mother. I had an absentee father and a rather large extended family who chose to believe I do not exist. I’m often referred to the black sheep of the family so I decided long ago that it was best to remain elusive. I won’t lie, the impromptu ‘reunions’ and family gatherings that I don’t get invited to sting a little, so I avoid social media these days because it’s too painful to endure the photos of everyone having these seemingly wonderful lives that I tell myself I’m not good enough of a person for. To boot, my marriage has started to crumble. A few years ago I gave up my career to help grow his business that he now claims he built from scratch when in actuality it was on the brink of folding until I came in, revamped the business model, increased clientele and secured enough contract work to keep it running successfully for years. I’m never treated with any respect at the office. He yells at me all the time and treats me like I’m a complete idiot. All the while his best friend’s wife is waiting in the wings to replace me (her husband is our only other employee). Of course I didn’t have the sense to put my damn name on the business liscense which means I don’t have rights to anything. I cashed out my lucrative stocks to get it going and buy necessary supplies. I worked so hard that I lost all of my friends in the process. I used to work in fashion and travel a lot. Since giving that up people, friends seem less interested in me. Every night my husband retreats into his ‘man cave’ and usually doesn’t return unless he needs a cold beer or had to use the restroom. When I tried to tell him how lonely I feel he says ‘ [we] spend all day together.’ When in actuality we are in separate rooms in the same building and when he is around me he’s yelling or belittling me. I used to be tough. I used to fight back, but now that I’m isolated and alone, have no career or source of income on my own I feel trapped. We also share a 5 year old son. Despite financially supporting both him and my husband for years I don’t have the means to do son now. I honestly did a Google search that simply read, ‘I’m ready to die.’ I love my son so much I hate that I even feel this way. I think about when he grows up and leaves me I will be completely alone and I don’t understand why. I guess I’m just sharing this to let all those things I jeep bottled up inside out. Even if no one is there to listen. It feels cathartic.

    • Veno says:

      I can totally relate to your experience. Its a battle with death daily trying to cope with anxiety and depression on top of it having no family and friends. The only thing that keeps my life going is having faith that one day it will get better. At 45 divorced and have no support structure apart from my 19 year old daughter whom im trying to get through college. Irs still a lonesome life . No one to talk to and share your daily experiences with. On top of it i force myself and deag myself out of bed to get to work not for my pleasure but to live. At times i wish we all had someone to be there for us. Waddling in tears daily late at night doenst help either . I pray Fod hwars and sees and answers all those who need his help.

      • allegra says:

        hello Veno, and thanks for your message. I get lost on this site and cant always get back easily to these posts. I also use compputer, phone all day at work and some eves dont want to do eithet…most nights ! But, with my current mindset I need connection here with others and all replies are much appreciated.
        I so identify with your situation, as it seems, to some degree, we all feel some lonliness to connect, and all have some depression here…or we wouldnt be here. PLZ stay in touch so we can keep each other afloat as we navigate steps moving forward? I hope!!?
        PS I like your name Veno

        • Veno says:

          Thanks Allegra. Much appreciated. We should get a network support group formed in Cape Town. Im sure everyones experiences can help each other. You can mail me on email and lets see maybe we can help each other out. Veno1971 [at] gmail [dot] com. Take care and hope to connect with you.

    • Mark says:

      You are the same as me. I have struggled through life for 49 years. I’m exhausted by my depression, and tired of fighting it. Recently my anxiety has increased substantially I am particularly finding it hard to hold on. Work is the biggest problem, all I want to do is lie in bed and forget and avoid.

      • H says:

        This is where I am at. What’s the point? My older son is in college and the youngest isn’t far behind. I have been alone and single for over 10 years trying to focus on being a mom. No what? I have no friends and no partner. I don’t have a dramatic back story. I am plain. My family is far away. I just want to go to sleep.

  40. Melissa says:

    Wow….In my intelligence, I do so realize there are so many others like me out there. We all reach out in different ways, but being that I have isolated myself as much as any person could, I am now trying to figure a way out of my own trappings.
    I moved away at 18; I am now 58. Made my way in a new state and found friends. Mainly through my work places, but being that I spent 99% of my time at one place of business, it was easy to have others to connect with. I spent 30 years away. I let myself down by hitting a bottom I never thought I would and ended up moving back to my hometown that I never liked even as a kid. I am still here and it feels as though I have been dropped into the Twilight Zone. Most people are ultra conservative (I lived in the Northeast before…much more suited for me) and I know that my lifestyle is not one of their favorites. Needless to say, I leaned on my mother for these last 12 years and felt somewhat safe. Well, I lost her a little over a year ago and have found myself really seeing what I have allowed to happen to me. I have closed myself off so much that there is not one person I can even call to talk to. I have a sister (here) and one back where I lived, my father and that is it. I don’t have anything in common with either sister b/c their lives are set up in relationships/marriage and they have their own friends/lives. I am the middle child. My mother always had extra time for me b/c, even as a kid, she knew I was quiet and more introverted.
    I did have one very close friend that I met up in CT that we have known one another since 1983. When I left there, she left 1 month prior to me and ever since we have separated, her life has taken its’ own direction (she still works, has a g/f, etc.) and my life went into a huge black hole. We don’t talk much at all now. A text here and there and no real conversations. I get a blip once in a while on FB…whoopie.
    So, here I am…I exist..I do not live my life..I exist within the confines of it that I know I have set. It has become so draining to even try anymore. No, I don’t want to off myself..just am so tired of the silence..It has become a chore to keep trying to do things just to keep busy…What do i do? Any thoughts?

    • Allegra says:

      Melissa….I too…..survive, but don’t really live or feel genuine joy or happiness. Your post sounds alot to me like my life today.

      • Melissa says:

        So what do you do? I mean you….I have wondered how to be comfortable around myself anymore. I try, every minute of every day, not to focus on how silent things are or how I don’t even need a damn phone (as it rarely rings). I have to talk to myself [out loud or silently] to keep me from dropping into despair. It is a fight every single day, but I keep trying. I know there are things I could try, but b/c of where I am, I really want little connection with the people here as explained with their narrow minded thinking. There are a few good people here, but still, they exist in the programmed mentality that affects everyone else, so I keep my thoughts to myself…
        I did have a friend here who ended up moving to Columbus(Ohio) that i have recently shared my exhaustiveness with and he told me that he came to the conclusion that the people who have spent their entire lives here and those who just seem to fit here, they have their own people…He said, “Those are not my people”..I agreed completely. He is gay and he completely understands my struggles here and why I have gone inward. He did the same. He was harassed and many times, threatened b/c of who he is…That is yet one more reason why I keep myself hidden. Very sad state of affairs. So, I exist…I try, each day, to manage through another one. I stay here ONLY for my aging father and when (and I know this sounds bad) he is gone, so am I. I will sell my home for whatever i can get and leave immediately. Not sure where to, but to be somewhere where i can be me and have outlets that i can try for and be part of, that is my plan. For now though, I wait and hope this place doesn’t poison what is left of me…

        • Allegra says:

          Hi there Melissa.Thanks so much for your reply
          I’m a pediatric RN…I’m working parttime in a super busy clinic position I’m struggling to maintain. I lost my parents in 08, 09 and my son lost his first love in 2010, then he became addicted to heroin. I have been out of an abusive relationship for one yr. I feel alot like you in that I’m safer today not speaking my truths as I’m so depressed much of the time I really feel safer on my own, at home but lead a meaningless existence with no love except from my cats. At work its difficult for me to listen to others laughing as I feel overworked and constantly worried, waiting for the next bit of shitty news I have to work through. My resilience isn’t what it used to be, and I have lost my zest for life. Sometimes I think I’d like to quit work, pack my shit, and go on a trip somewhere I’ve never been, and never come back. Im great at feeding my cats, paying bills, being responsible but I feel like happiness, joy is for others and when im around those who seem to have some, im jealous instead of happy for them. I hate my life these days. Normally im not such a whiner but lately i even hate being around myself…im in therapy and my therapust lets me direct my care which seems kinda fruitless at this pt. As im so depressed by his tidbits of wisdom for me that death seems favorable to life. I do feel like im walking dead now as inside im very sad, lonely and alone. I have always been the ultrasensitive type which seems to have made me vulnerable to much abuse. So, now at 56 im dealing with that trauma for the first time which seems about 25 yrs too late. Im sorry that im venting here, rathet than asking about you. I apologize for my rudeness in that. Do you work or are your a caregiver to your parent? Do you have kids? Plz tell me more about yourself. My parents met at Ohio State. My mon was from Uniontown, my dad was from Cleveland. I hope your doing ok tonight.

          • Melissa says:

            Hello again! It sounds like parts of your life mirror mine. I think I have explained my consternation of my living situation (IE. my location) but I am grateful for some of it b/c I did get to spend the last 12 years of my mother’s life with her. We got to be very close and I learned more about her than I ever had. She truly was the very best friend I could have ever asked for. I miss her every single day. My father is still alive at 86. He lives in the same house we all grew up in here. I live about 4 blocks away from him now. I do, along with my younger sister, take care of his needs. He is still driving and able to go out for his weekly breakfasts (which he finally asked me along for right after my mom died) and even do a once a week golf excursion and that is fine. He has all of his faculties and seems to be able to manage (for now). If he needs anything, I am there. My younger sister works at her own business and lives about 25 minutes away, so it is up to me to do what is needed if the need arises.
            Anyway, I find my life as only as existing now. It is hard, at times, to find my way. I find myself trying to busy myself with whatever I can do, but what hurts the most in me is knowing there’s really not one person I can call my friend and say “Hey, let’s go do something” or “How about a movie?” That makes me feel very empty and sad. I used to have people around me when I lived in CT. and still do, once in a while, talk to my friend in Maryland. She and I met in CT. back in 1983 (I think I mentioned that before) and I miss having our weekend time together. She made a new life for herself there and seems to be doing great. I should be happy for her, but find myself feeling jealous and wondering what she has that I don’t. That has bothered me for a long time now. We both left CT. in 2002. Needless to say, she had a g/f for over 10 years that she has since left, but, after 9+ years of being “friends” on FB with her ex from before I knew her, she and her have found their way back to one another and seem, very strong. That would be great news for someone in a better frame of mind. Again, I am jealous. I have an ex that I never got past that we broke up under very odd circumstances that I have reconnected with, but she is married (to a woman of course) and even though we have talked, it just doesn’t have the same fire as my friend’s seems to have taken on. Of course, thinking about my ex, it makes me feel more empty inside b/c I know that is going backwards. Why would I want that for myself? Oh well.
            So, as you can see, I find myself feeling jealous instead of happy for others happiness. It is not a good feeling and I do question myself in my head, as to why I do that. I guess it all boils down to not having anyone to share anything with. I have cats as well. I had always been a dog person, but I rescued my two from the shelter and now have a 3rd b/c she showed up on my doorstep. She doesn’t spend much time inside like my others (who are always inside), but I make sure she is fed and cared for.
            You mentioned hating to be around yourself. I completely understand that one all too well. I want to escape my own trappings of me and my mind, but we all know that isn’t possible. Well, we can, however, try to make the changes needed to ease that one up, but it is very difficult. I have done that before and was doing great (when I was working) but it has become a chore to retrain my brain again to like me and help myself. I do not think of giving up at all, but it is just a chore, every single day, to try to maintain that positive attitude that my mother always encouraged me to do. I want to be happy, but am lost as to how to move in the right direction.
            Ultrasensitive. What a great defining word we both share. I am ultrasensitive as well. I guess it all comes with the territory that we are both finding ourselves in. Change is so hard, but I think we both need it, right?
            I keep telling myself that it will be better once I leave this town. I don’t think that is true though. I know it will take ME to make the changes I need to be happy anywhere. I could be on the best beach in the world and still feel alone, sad and depressed. So, recognizing that, I know I need help. I do not go to any therapist. I did years ago for many years. I got lots of help and have kept many things from those sessions inside to use if need be. I need to refer back to many now I guess.
            So, let me end this book and explain my personal info a little.
            I have never been married. I am gay. No kids (however much it upset my mom that I am who I am and not being the happy straight girl) nor did I ever want any. I do not work anymore, but I did for 3)+ years (and still do contract work for my brother-in-law)…I am a Mechanical Designer by trade…Anyway, I am on disability right now (which lends to more depression) b/c of having two very messed up knees that I am slowly getting corrected. I am 58 years old. My family is from Ohio. I was born in Ohio, but grew up in WV. My parents met in Ohio. They grew up 15 minutes apart. I do wish my mom had done more homework on my father as he ended up being quite the unhappy individual, but no matter what, she always remained happy. True angel.
            Okay, your turn now…Hoping you are as well as can be to

        • allegra says:

          Hello there Melissa..sorry this reply has taken so long…loved your long message and appreciate it greatly.. your sitch, life, sensitivities are so like my own.
          It feels like I had some form of anxiety, depression right out of the womb as as long as I can recall I felt different, experienced life differently than my othet 4 sibs, and I cried tons more than any of them. I have one sis whom it seems was more jealous of me than loving and our experiences in life seem as though we were raised in different homes , in different families but according to 23and me we are blood sisters..hehe. shesvalways been a huge bitch…theres no other way to express her, and she was never able to love me in ways that I longed for her to do so. She also was spared the sexual abuse that thevremaining 4 sibs entailed. Today, a couple of my brothers and I do have fairly good conversations, and care for each othet but we live in several , opposite ends of the US so dont have close bonds, we do have love. I like that you identify with alot of my story.Its helpful to find that as even if its only here..its a beginning.. my mom was fron Uniontown and in
          Columbus..My dad from Cleveland. Basically, my family , wasvraised in upstate the only Jews in a tiny town of mainly Irish catholics…mostly related. So we stuck out you might say!! I see myself as somewhat of a sapio these days..I fall in love with stimulating minds..but see myself as hetero…Today, I see myself as a lonely, loner with 2 cats and a grown sonwith a herion addiction that I see only seldom.
          Stay in touch..keep em coming sista..hehe

          • Melissa says:

            Hello again!
            Depression is inherited…I think they proved that anyway, but I have the same issue. My mother had it, but always kept her mind positive and dealt with it without being medicated at any time. I had seen therapists for years (as I said) and they did help. The last woman I saw was someone me and my ex saw. I didn’t know this at the time of first seeing her, but, of course, found out later when my ex and I met up in one of her group meetings. Needless to say, she was very helpful. She helped me through (as much as she could) my breakup as well. It was weird knowing we both went there afterwards, but we both quit as well. Odd.
            I think depression can lay dormant for so long and can be triggered when something stressful or whatever happens, out it comes and off we go…I try to keep mine at bay as much as possible, but sometimes I think it may be better to allow myself the time to just feel bad…Not sure…
            I am glad you have some contact with your siblings. It’s important to be able to have that. My two sisters (I think I told you I’m the middle child) and I do talk. I have more regular conversations with my older sister. My younger one has lived here her entire life and we have very little in common. She is as conservative and “red-neck” type. I am as opposite as I can be of that kind of life. I only see her when she drops off her dog each Wednesday and then when we spend time at my father’s house. She cleans for him every other week and then we go the other Wednesday to just help and visit. I think he enjoys that company. Needless to say, I do not have a lot of contact with anyone on a regular basis, so it makes it tough. I find it hard sometimes, to watch others around me seemingly having a decent life with someone. I have eliminated that part of my here. Maybe if I get away and get my life back on track, who knows?
            A Sapio? I looked that up (sorry for my lack of knowledge on that one) …It defines that as being someone who is attracted to intelligent men? Urban dictionary says that anyway.
            Well, do they have a gay version of that? Ha Ha
            Well, I have to ready myself for my Sunday breakfast with my dad and his friends.
            I would love to delve deeper into our chat here. I do feel that we have some commonalities that, at the very least, let us discuss.
            Oh, and by the way, my entire family is German I have the light hair and blue eyes to match. Well, my hair is platinum blonde now since I am older, but I did have very light hair. (BTW, I do not use any process for my hair as I wanted to be natural). My 2 sisters, on the other hand, do hair coloring…I find it a bit vain, but hey, who am I to say?
            Well, I better go and get ready….
            I hope your day is great and please write back….Enjoying the conversation.

          • Melissa says:

            Where did you go? Hoping you are okay and things are manageable for you…

  41. Sarah says:

    I dont know. I really dont know anything. Met the family on my fathers side for the first time in my adulthood and nothing is as expected. I dont have friends after school at home (ones whom I could actually go out and do something with). But I could always use the internet as my buffer and when that didnt work my family. Here I have no internet and I have family that I have known for less than 2 months in my entire life. My parents were worried about me going crazy and partying and drinking due to different age restrictions here, but i have never been like that previously so why now? I share a bedroom with my cousin and thought that it would be really awesome like having a sister your own age but so far it has been me faking that I have friends as she texts on her phone to 1001 people. I was asked last week to go with my aunts and cousins out somewhere and I had fun and thought that they did as well. How would I really know though? My father warned me about when the asked me to go to the club with them to keep my head on straight. I said to him that I didnt think that they would invite me. I was lying. I wished and really thought they were. I walked into my room right now with my cousin dressing up fancily, no communication given to me whatsoever. I assume she is either going on a date or to a club. She’ll ask me to go with her. She doesnt. She asks me to zip her up and leaves. I learn later that she went with my other female cousin somewhere (Im of age wherever they went I could have as well). I guess they didnt like hanging out with me as much as I did with them. It is during that moment that I find I was right all along, I have no friends or people who want to hang out with me unless they have to. What can I do? Nothing. Ive tried, talked to strangers to friends asking them for some social time. Any time, to make me feel better and make my parents think that I am not such a loser. Anyway, any advice that could be offered would be helpful. Thank you for reading this and understanding the some of the hardest moments in my life to deal with.

  42. Dennis says:

    i want to make this as brief as possible but as detailed as i possibally can..i’m 61 years old. i have always looked younger than my real age.when in my mid 30’s i began to hang out with people as much as 10 to 12 years younger than me. I easily passed for mid and early 20’s when i was in my 30’s and i was even hannging out with people as young as 18 and 19 at one a person that would be considered a 70’s raised person,i became attached to the 80’s and especially MTV ,music videos and the current pop and rock music in general of that era..when my appearance began to show a more 40-ish year old side(by then i was in my late 50’s and almost 60) younger people in their 20’s weren’t so desirous to hang out with interests in music and movies didn’t stagnate as i got older//i enjoyed much of the current music and music videos of the 90’s and 2000’s and now the 2010’s..much UNLIKE others my own age.I never as of yet have felt the sluggishness of getting older.i feel as healthy and AM as healthy,according to the doctor,as any very healthy 35 year old.again i say UNLIKE others my own age..i’m still attracted to hanging out with younger people and often they seem to be attracted to converse with me ,as in restaurants at night and in public generally (Until i mention my age,so i don’t anymore..ever).So here’s my problem..People my own age have nowhere near the same interests i have as i’m obsessed with music–ALL KINDS except rap and hip hop..especially 80’s an 90’s and basically the music videos not so much the audio cd’s..i don’t think of myself as 61 because i don’t look it and i don’t feel it!! How am i supposed to believe i’m 61 when my normal walking speed is so fast that often times if i were walking any faster,i’d be running..and i have no body physical limitations..i’m so limber i wrestle under the bed with my dog as well as drop and roll off the bed to the floor when we play really rough..many of my neighbors in the 55plus complex i live in still believe i’m too young to qualify to live here and don’t understand why the management has let me stay(that’s actually funny,but flattering).So here i am a 61 year old man,will be 62 in September (2016) i feel much younger,interests are younger ,health is that of a younger person,i enjoy movies most my age do not(i love horror and i like a lot of current stuff too as well s 80’s and 90’s but older than 80’s) while,people my age seem to be in to john wayne movies and such i do not at ALL get into them..i do not enjoy ,as so many my age do ,channels like the history channel or the classic this and that channels that offer old black an white movies..i have no interest in movies of the 1950’s for example..So many my age go on and on about all that stuff i don’t enjoy and have NO interest in anything i DO enjoy..As a 61 year old man i am totally lonely..nobody my age has any interest in my interests and younger people are ok to hang with but i can’t rely on them for super close best friend ,emotionally connected relationships..I wish i could but reality bites!.I don’t often listen to 70’s music as it’s just not my preference and i also list that decade as the most disinteresting,useless decades of all..Of course people my age would disagree..I’m an 80’s fan after all! 10 years ahead of myself somehow..well..wait..i’m not done yet..i’m also disabled and unemployed..i have a sleep disorder and years ago made the decision to sleep days and stay awake nights.can’t meet people in the days cause they’re at work or otherwise but not out hanging at diners trying to meet people..On the other hand NOBODY seems to be hanging out trying to meet people anymore,as it seems like everyone has their own group of friends and nobody outside the group enters because nobody in the group is looking to let new people,people who have friends aren’t out there trying to make NEW friends.Society has changed a whole whole lot.The internet is the new meeting place which is a disadvantage to people like me!! People decide right away online whether thy like me (or anyone else for that matter) and want to become friends or not. people can google a personality trait and pick who their friends are just like you check and pick out tomatos in the use in geting to know anyone when you an find them like magic by typing in google “i love porn, watermelon and pork rhines” know what i mean…people don’t care to meet face to face and decide if thy like ya’s too risky or too difficult or just plain takes too much time to get to know someone if you can just type it out in a text field .//well..i’m lonely and you know why now..put it all together ..i’m not desired as a hang outtable friend by either young people or my own age –i’m stuck inbetween somehow ..young people don’t like my age..people my age don’t like my more youthful thinking and interests..and one more thing–i’ma christian,,nota legalist .i don’t believe it’s R movies or listening to Aerosmith that damages the spirit ..But still..ya add up all of what i said here and i don’t know that i’ll ever meet anyone that has my interests because they’re too diverse and on a younger level than the interests of people my own age –I can’t become un-obsessed because those interests are my interests..period.. and likewise ,i can’t become interested in things i’m just not interested in(which has been suggested to me by some-ie, “find new interests”) that doesn’t help because i want friends who have my major interests and that’s normal!! and here’s another fact about me.i prefer having one best friend over having a group of just ‘good’ hypersensitive people and that explains me.or ultrasensitive people.If anyone is in the same boat i’m in will ya let me know? i’ve searched the internet high and low for others like me but i have absolutely not found one person..and out of millions of people on the internet you’d think i’d find at least one right? but nope!!

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Dennis,

      While I was reading your post I was thinking YES!! that’s me!! So…there are others like us!

      I just turned 56 and have always felt younger, honestly I feel 35! I love being active, I love to hike trails and in the wilderness, run with my dog, just have to move, that’s what makes me happy.

      I also walk fast! People tell me I was so fast, slow down but I’m passing much younger people in Walmart!!

      I find a lot of people my age are stuck in their ways, so when I ask them to go hiking their look is one of horror! Let’s go, let’s go for a run, a day trip, somewhere! nope, they just want to sit inside watching TV. Even a lot of 40 year olds are old before their time, it amazes me.

      I have been looking online for a hiking group near me, one I found had pictures of people in their twenties! I also feel stuck in between age groups, I really feel it.

      Jusr want you to know I am the same way! sometimes when I’ve met people and they find out my age their faces drop, then I feel old! 56 sounds old to them even though I don’t feel it, it’s so hard.

    • Em says:

      Hi…guess what, I am exactly your age, even same month. Although I don’t necessarily feel the same way you do because I like old movies and 70s music and I don’t walk fast and am not that limber…But I do feel younger than my actual age. Staying up all night is a different way to live for any age, I think. I’d say give people your age a chance, not everyone is stodgy and set in their ways, and even if they may look or seem older then you, they may have a young outlook. My friend who is in her 80’s has one of the most energetic and loving outlook of anyone I know of any age. Good luck to you!!

  43. Lonely mama says:

    Hey friendless people out there, I posted an add on Craigslist for friends with mutual interests. It’s free and you can leave the post up for a very long time. I met a couple of friends, and remember friendship takes time and patience and careful not to scare people away because you’ve made a new friend. It’s kind of like dating-play it cool and calm until you can trust them and then you can be more excited and hang out way more often. Everyone is going through a different level of pain or difficulty in life every day so hang in there-this too shall pass, keep looking:) also check the friends only posts on Craigslist and you may find some that have potential. I am 29 and new to the area with kids so I have little time and completely alone-I am motivated to find my people and establish good friendships that happen organically. Don’t ever let anyone bully or disrespect you at any cost. Good luck in your search!!

  44. Philz says:

    “The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends.”

    Does anyone know what this film or movie is ?

    • John Folk-Williams says:

      As I recall, it’s Truffaut’s Stolen Kisses, one of the films with the character Antoine Doinel.


  45. CJ says:

    I’ve grown up my entire life without havin’ friends. Throughout Elementary and Middle school the only friend I had was my cousin, and my other girl friend who was and still is a boy crazy nut-job and who is impossible to talk too because it’s always about her next best “boyfriend” or “everyone’s looking at me because they want to date me but I already have a boyfriend!” Most days at school I would eat alone because my friend would have her table overfilled with boys and not a space left for me. I’d tried making friends but nobody reached out to me. I wasn’t anyone’s partner choice in a group project and by nineth grade, I’d dropped out and started homeschool. I’ll be 18 by September and I’m feelin’ more lonely then ever before. I’ve considered just friending people on Facebook who go to my old school and striking up conversation but all of them are friends with one of my bullies and my anxiety/depression of being rejected stops me from trying to speak to them, rather it’s online, or face-to-face. I fear the rejection and therfor avoid the situation altogether. I want friends, but I just don’t know where to start…

    • Logan says:

      Hey CJ, I’m in somewhat of a similar situation as you. Read my long message and you’ll understand my problem. I to am very lonely, depressed and have intense anxiety. But I think people with anxiety are just people who care more than others. I may not be the best person to help because my life right now is being drowned by depression, anxiety, paranoia, and other bad things (you’ll know what the other bad things are if you read my message). But I hate the fact that people have to go through this stuff for no apparent reason. You don’t need to feel intimidated or anything by me because trust me I only want the best for you and myself. They say two nagatives make a positive, maybe we should talk and turn the two nagatives that are us into positives. Do you got a PS4 or PS3? We could play online just tell me your username. I hope the best for you and I hope I can get my fucked up problems fixed somehow as well. Good luck.

      • CJ says:

        Hi, Logan. I do not have a PS4 or a PS3. I’m not really much of a gamer. I just read your comment and I feel your situation in some aspects. I’m not depressed to the point of wanting to die but I am struggling understand my point in this universe when I do nothing but sit and watch it all go by…I have an E-mail, if you’d like to talk to me personally on a different site;
        thefriendlesschick (at) yahoo (dot) com

    • Heather says:

      Hi CJ, Have you tried volunteering or a group ? The hardest part is actually going. You might not make a best friend but you may! I need to get out too. I get lazy and shy to go out. Try a new thing maybe. You will make friends someday soon. Highschool sucks the worst it will get better. Also do you work? Most people make friends at work.

  46. Logan says:

    PLEAS HEAR ME OUT!! IF YOU CAN PLEASE HELP ME!! I’m very depressed and it keeps getter worse. I’m extremely lonely and just want someone I can relate to and have stuff in common with. I’ve got depression, anxiety, and paranoia. I wish I could just find what I need, whatever that may be. I’m 15 soon to be 16 in a couple of weeks. I’ve determined that I was a more sad than happy person when I was 13 and just kind of tried my hardest to ignore it back then. It wasn’t easy but I managed to just walk through the pain. When I was 14 it got a little worse but not to much had really changed, I had the odd happy moment but for the most part was sad. When I turned 15 (which is what i am now, soon turning 16) it got intensely worse. School was never my strong suit (nor is anything really I guess but my point is I’m not good at school) I was failing classes and had no friends(nor have I ever had any real friends). It’s not that people were mean to me it’s that I live in a very small community so there is not a lot of people around to make friends with. I like video games, heavy metal, rock n roll, comic books and other stuff similar to those. There’s nobody around where I live who is interested in that kind of stuff. I’m the black sheep and it fucking sucks. So I couldn’t even say I was failing because I was hanging out with friends to much I was just doing nothing at home and failing. I did however end up just barely passing grade 10 but towards the end of the year it got pretty bad for me. I was so scared and nervous about thinking I was going to fail and what people and my family would think of me and just tired of being so lonely and sad and even tired of being tired all the time if anyone can understand that. I started to have thoughts on ending it all (if you know what I mean) and started taking random pills before I would go to sleep with thoughts of not waking up the next day but it never worked. In the middle of the year if I was just having a plane bad day I would get high off pills before heading to school to get me through the day but that was only an every now and again thing until the end of the year when it was basically an almost every day thing (if your wondering were I got the pills from I just got them from the medicine cabinet at my house when no one is around or looking, I don’t bum them off the street or anything). I hated it when I was in class and the teacher would let us move are desks around and everybody would go into groups with there friends and I was always that awkward quite guy with no friends who sat alone. Or if we did work with partners and I would always be that one person who would either work alone or be forced with someone who didn’t want to be with me and get them mad at me for being there partner. My anxiety never handled that stuff very well. I have anxiety attacks about almost everything, I even sometimes wake up in middle of the night so hot and sweaty and panicky feeling for no reason and just sit there sad, sweaty, and lonely. And that’s if I can fall asleep at night before 6:00am. I blame waking up at night on my crazy anxiety. I thought that after school was over if I passed it would be very good to lift my spirits up. But it didn’t. My spirits stayed deep in the ground. I was relieved that I hadn’t failed but extremely sad about having no friends. I honestly started using more pills after school was out just cause I’m so depressed and lonely. Earlier today I snorted some crushed up pills to get high and try to get my mind off the world. I’m not high at the moment, the high affect wore off a while ago. I don’t know what kind of pills they were or what was in them but ther in me now. I can’t tell my family or anybody because I don’t want them to judge me or be sad or disappointed at me. I just don’t want anyone to think badly of me, I really don’t. My parents separated when I was a baby. I have a mom, step dad, and dad but no step mom. My dad used to be suicidal when around my age for a while but not anymore. He doesn’t know about my depression nor does any of my other family members. I really like my dad but since I don’t live with him I don’t often see him (I haven’t seen him in the past 10.5 months) I’m very good at hiding my sadness (of course one of the only things I’m good at is something that harms me, just my shitty luck). When talking to my mom or step dad I act like a happy person but when I go into my room that’s when I just breakdown and pace in circles and lay in my bed worried about what they or even anybody thinks of me and think about how much of a piece of shit idiotic moron I am while having stressfull anxiety attacks and just crying to myself because I’m fed up and feel like there may be no more happiness in me. I sometimes think that I’m just a spoiled little bitch because I’m not poor (not rich either I’d call my house middle class) and I still hate myself. It’s funny because when I was younger around the age of 10 or so I always thought why people would want to kill themselves because that ment absolutely giving up and I couldn’t see why someone would ever do that back then. I actually used to be a somewhat of a happy person. Not anymore sadly. I now see why people would do that stuff because I do it. Popping pills and snorting pills cause I’m so depressed and feel both anxious and paranoid about the littlest things. I just really need someone to help me through this hell because it’s getting to the point were I’ve felt so sad in the past instead of getting used to it I just feel worse when more pain hits me. I can’t take anymore. I’m scared that I’m gonna take the wrong pills (not that any of them are ever the right ones) and actually end it. I feel so sad, lonely, confused, anxious, scared and tired all the time. I fear failure but just don’t have the urge to be productive and do things. I want friends or even just a friend. I want to be alone at times but I hate being lonely (if you can understand that). I just want to be happy. I don’t want to have to ask for your pity I’m just all out options and pretty soon this lonely guy may very well just end it all. Please don’t think badly of me I just want someone to be there. I just want see the happiness in the world to get me to want to live.
    Please someone help me!!!!
    I’m just some 15 soon to be 16 year old guy who has depression, anxiety, paranoia and is very very lonely and needs help to live a happy life.

    • Logan says:

      If anyone is curious I also don’t have any siblings, any close cousins or people like that to try and make me feel better so don’t suggest that if you were going to. Please help. me I’m turning 16 September 2 and already have anxiety about driving (along with everything else). Please help me.

      • Mack says:

        Im 15 I struggle with depression. The last couple years I’ve had a very hard time making friends. At school I sit alone at a lunch table no one try’s to make sure I’m okay or even makes the effort to talk to me. Sometimes during school I go in the bathroom and cry because no one cares about me. I used to have close friend but she found better friends and ditched me. I honestly hate my life so much I want to find someone who actually can relate to me.


        • Logan says:

          I think I can relate to you. I to want friends by can’t get any. Maybe we could be friends, we could play playstation or talk on email. If you want just give me your playstation username and or email. I would really like to talk to you, I just feel so lonely I kinda crave interaction right now. I really hope you do have an email or playstation account we can talk on I would really like to stop being lonely, plus were the same age. We can really relate.


        • Krista says:

          It is actually pretty hard at any age, even for adults, to make friends if there is no shared activity. This is one reason that gyms and churches are full of adults. Are there any clubs or teams in your school that might interest you? Joining one gives you something to do that other people are doing and plenty to talk about with them that is fun or interesting. Music, sports, and clubs are traditional ways of meeting people and developing personal skills in high school. A part-time job after school is another possibility, with the added advantage that you would increase your financial assets by having a regular paycheck. Best wishes.

    • al says:

      Hello Logan,
      I know you can’t understand what a prize this is, but your youth is a fabulous benefit. You have the time to work things out. You will appreciate that more later. It sounds as though you need a bigger circle of people to pick friends from. Is there any way to find more people? What kinds of hobbies do you have?

      Stop taking pills. It will only make your problems worse to make yourself sick. Stop that now. It is dangerous, and you really don’t truly want to hurt yourself. Don’t blame yourself for your feelings. People here don’t. Realize that you are miserable because you do care about yourself. Since this is true, it means you can at some point take care of yourself and do the practical things that will put you in contact with people to help you chip away at your loneliness.

      Back to the subject of pills. It sounds as though you are in dire need of a psychiatrist who can prescribe anti-depressants. They will take the edge off your misery so you won’t feel the extreme sadness that causes you to write capital letters and exclamation points. Once the edge is off, you will feel less urgent.

      I have been there many times. Take care of yourself. It does get better. It really, really does.

      • Logan says:

        Thanks. Seriously though thanks for trying to make it better. But it’s harder than you think. I feel like I’m waiting for a perfect ending that will never come. I think people with anxiety are just people who care a lot more than others. I’m trying to play my cards right, it would be a lot easier if I had a better hand but I’ll have to make do with the hand I’m given, I’m really trying. I can’t tell anybody because I well just can’t, anxiety would destroy me if I did. Thanks again for even bothering to reply what you thought. I hope more people who are similar to me tell me there thoughts and try to help me. Thank you.

        • Krista says:

          My mom had crippling anxiety and depression. I saw how afraid she was. Being a toddler, I did not understand what was happening, but now I do. A few things were overlooked that would have helped her. She tried religion, but it might have increased the guilt and frustration, being so theoretical. Fresh air and exercise might have been better. If anyone takes a daily walk in a safe location, they do feel better. It is unavoidable to benefit physically and mentally from outdoor exercise. Indoor exercise is nearly as helpful. So, walking briskly outdoors or in a mall in snowy weather can help. So can bicycling. The motion, change of scenery, and new faces around you all make a dufference, as does fresh air. You also sleep better and wake up feeling good if you walk or cycle daily. Four times a week with three days off is a good start if daily is too much. A man I knew was so discouraged that he checked into a hospital. After taking up bicycling, he later told a girlfriend that exercise had become the most important part of his life. Running is another possibility. Competitive sports are not as helpful because you do meet a lot of competitive people who tend to put you down. It is individual exercise that helps the most. Best regards.

    • Dennis says:

      wow,you sound like me but i’m 61 ..funny..backwards that’s 16, like metal you said.. i collect music videos and just thought you might like this >>
      it’s nightwish ..i left a comment on this page also..i know that 61 sounds ancient but read my comment that i typed here about my lonliness..please don’t seriously think about ending it all because ending it all is something you can’t take back later..and dude,you don’t know just where ending it might take you..maybe to a place that’s even more lonely and painful really don’t want that ya know?if you want to email me let me know..i guarantee i’m not the type to preach down to you like a grandpa or dad because as i say in my comment here,i don’t feel older or the sluggishness of age ,so i don’t think of myself in that manner.and btw…Do you lay in bed when trying to sleep and move or ‘kick’ your legs(what’s called kicking in bed) because of tension??..just curious..I’ve been diagnosed as being bipolar by one dr and as just having severe stress by another..but my sleep dis order was diagnosed by both.. i’m also middle class even though i receive child benefits from my dad passing away in november of last year..i don’t lack for much..not rich by any means.i was raised in a middle cas home so those ‘traits’ and middle class notions and behavior stuck with me..thank god for that ya know?I’d be happy to talk to you any time Logan.Take peace in knowing somebody does understand where your coming from.

    • Melanie says:

      Dennis and Other Bloggers,
      I found your comments similar to my experiences and beliefs. I have been so depressed lately, and the world is getting more complex and difficult than it needs to be. I question my existence I know it’s been a few days since you posted, but I’d like to communicate with you and some of the other members. Let me know if you want to chat and compare notes.

    • Ashley says:

      Hey Logan. I feel in the same boat as you..I’m a 17 year old girl and I’ve always felt like I could never relate to other girls my age who’re just obsessed with magazines, reality TV, pop music. I like more of the stuff you said you were into which aren’t really common with anyone here so I’ve never had many friends, and even the ones that I have had- I feel like they all hated me. If you ever need someone to talk to you can email or Kik or even talk to me on Facebook because I feel alone as hell as well and just want someone to be able to relate to sometimes about our shitty, stressful, depressing lives, and be able to help each other. Please don’t end your life or do anything to hurt yourself.

  47. Marissa says:

    Hey everyone, I’m 26. As the days go by I feel like my past haunts me everyday. It fustrates me because I wish I can move on from all the messed up things my parents did to me. I dealt with physical abuse with one parent and when the other one leaves I deal with pure mental abuse. Nothing can ever satisfy my father. This man will talk about things I have done in high school and I am 26 now. He makes me feel like a failure in life because I didn’t finish college. I tried. My problem was this idiot kept playing in the back of my head over and over about my past. Today was my boiling point. I lost the diamond to my promise ring and he just kept talking about all the crap I use to do in the past all because he is mad because I couldn’t see him today. He doesn’t respect my relationship as a lesbian. All he does is complain. Sometimes I wish I can cut him off for good but it’s hurts me inside because he is the only parent I have. I’m tired of feeling like nothing and being compared to other people. Some mornings I wish I can drown myself in a tub of water. What’s messed up is I told him how I felt but he doesn’t care. I’m tired of battling this depression alone….

  48. Nigeria says:

    I’m only 19 years old and I hate my life. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember and as each year passes it gets worse. Lately I’ve been feeling very lonely, I have no boyfriend and I feel like I’m starting to lose friends. I hate how when people need someone to talk to I’m right there, but when I need support there’s no one around. I had to listen to one of my friends complain about her exes almost everyday on the phone, but when it’s my turn and I want to spend time with her she rejects it because she doesn’t want her partner to get mad and now we barely talk anymore because of her gf. I’m tired of this. having very low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and loneliness all combined is the worst and I would never wish it on anyone. The only thing good about my life is my family, I love them alot. But on the days when I actually leave my house, I wish a car would drive on the sidewalk and kill me.

    • David says:

      I am in a very similar situation. I’m 19 as well and everyone that was important to me (besides my family) abandoned me. Not a day goes by that I don’t want to kill myself. But I feel you and I hope things can get better. Just know that you’re not alone in this.

    • Krista says:

      I had a friend like that. I spent five years hearing her phone calls to me about her divorce. Then her new boyfriend and his ex wife told her that they do not like me. I never see her anymore. She has dozens of new friends, now that she has broken up with both her former husband and her new boyfriend (with his ex and their kids). I have a lot of new friends … who broke up with their gourmet husband a year or two ago. Probably what happened with your friend is nothing personal. Romantic breakups definitely cause the person who broke up to seek new friends … and often to dump the old ones. I had to get used to it. My town is full of breakups. These days I do not spend as much time hearing the details. They all find someone new in the end. That person wants them to have different friends. These people are in their fifties, too, not in their teens. So you might as well look for new friends yourself … preferably at least six or seven, in case someone loses touch with you because of their personal life or a breakup with their romantic partners. Breakups can cause a person to get rid of every friend who knew their ex. I have seen it happen many times. Good luck.

  49. Ramey says:

    I am dealing with this but dealing with it alone. I hurt so bad, so deeply and i tried to reach out to people and they turned their backs on me.I can barely leave the house to go to work. and i mostly sit at my desk on the verge of tears. I hate this. i hate going out alone it didnt used to bother me but now it makes me ill to think about it. i was supposed to see cabaret tonight and I could not do it. I always feel so ashamed. This is not what I thought my life would end up like. I didnt think I would end up a recluse afraid to leave the house or talk to people. who is so desperate for contact that they post on some random blog. I keep thinking I must be a terrible person but i just dont see it. The bad guy rarely thinks he is the bad guy , right? there are so many times i have been tempted to just down all my klonopin and retreat into the nothingness of death. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life like this.

    • Desi says:

      I’m feeling the exact I mean exact same way and have the same meds I take to drown my sorrows

      • Tyrone says:

        Hi I’m 21 and I have no friends, and haven’t had friends for years. I have had a lot of socialising problems and i can’t seem to form a strong bond with anyone. I had friends in secondary school but as i went up in years they all stopped being my friend, and then i was by myself all the time at break and launch time and i felt so embarrassed down and depressed.

        I was bullied sometimes in primary and secondary school and i was a coward, not willing to stand up for my self, though this happened more in secondary. It seemed people could see a weakness in me and played on it.

        When i finished secondary school it felt like such a relief! and i didn’t go to all of the last days of secondary school. When i applied for collage i thought i could start a fresh, but collage wasn’t much different apart from being there for only a year. I got so nervous all the time and started to sweat a lot which caused odour which made me more awkward to be around with, and my class mates picked up on it and made a few comments about it, one person even insulted me when i touched his scissors by mistake which really hurt at the time. I hated collage just like secondary school, by myself couldn’t be bothered to do work and depressed and lonely.

        I have a big family of bothers and sisters and even though they are there for me now, i still feel lonely. However i know that i am also to blame because after collage their was a time where someone wanted to be my friend but i pushed him away, even when playing games where i made friends online i would get jealous and rude and push them away too.

        I don’t really get this now though i don’t have any friends but when i did get close to someone i would get this uneasy, uncomfortable warm feeling in my heart and i hated it. So to get rid of that feeling i would push whoever is causing it away. I do have autism so that also causes problems may be partly for the way i am.

        However i have changed since then and i am quite different now, i am more confident now though still much more room for improvement, and things are going better. I have got money, got a new job i’m starting soon and hopefully going back on a course to right my wrongs and i have been subscripted a DEODORANT that helps with my sweating problem because i worried about it a lot. I’m trying to believe in my self more since i have a low self-esteem and struggle to love my self.

        But i still have no friends and even though i’m happier now i still feel down a lot because of it and i know i shouldn’t but its hard not too. I like animals, games, manga and anime. I also draw too and getting better at it. Anyone want to talk?

    • Liz says:

      Where are you? I’m in a very similar situation, I’m lonely, but angry, I’m afraid that this is how my life has turned out. Maybe we can talk?

      • Harrison says:

        Me too. Exact. Same. Way. All four of us I guess. Wow. I actually have k-pin too and just want a solution to the problem I’ve been in for over a year – no life at 31 and everyone around me is married and living a great life and having fun. I’m somehow stuck with my parents. This has to stop. I’m in Washington state in the Northwest area. Lonely and depressed are the worst. I agree with Liz, I’m extremely afraid this the way my life is going to turn out. Permanently. We can’t let that happen. When there is no hope, the only thing left is faith and others (we have each other). I’d post my phone number but I don’t want it out there. E-mail me at: harrisonrutledge5 AT – let’s help each other. There is support in others and I would be a listening ear to anyone having the same issue as Ramey, Desi, and Liz. –Harrison

        • Mari says:

          Add another lonely soul to the club, I guess. I have family, but feel sooo LONELY all the time. I’m on the verge of tears or trying to hide them constantly at work. Nobody there talks to me, but they all have a great time with each other–on each others’ facebook (nobody has asked for mine) meeting for get-togethers that I don’t hear about. So, I get even more quiet and grudge-filled, which makes me more depressed. I have to find a way to break this before my husband leaves me. I’m also in the Northwest. I feel for you all and the very real pain you feel

    • Krista says:

      It doesn’t need to be for the rest of your life. Sometimes there just isn’t anyone around to talk to. Technology can help. Radio, books, and television can all put you in touch with new people, in a gentle way, without the fatigue and expense of going out. If you can avoid dramas and crime shows, TV can get you thinking about chefs, homebuilders, and many other creative professionals who have interesting shows. Radio can increase your knowledge about and enjoyment of music. Newspapers and magazines are full of stories about people you cannot easily meet, because they reside far away from you. Some of the people you can learn about this way can really inspire you, even change your future. A radio show about a courageous man in the Navy changed my life forever. I was so inspired that I changed a lot of things, after hearing a story about his bravery. Best wishes.

  50. Michelle says:

    I am 54 and just got left by the love of my life after a 15 yr relationship. He wouldn’t talk to to me or listen to anything I had to say. I tried putting my arms around him, he pushed me away. He packed up his stuff and drove away without so much as a “goodbye”. He changed his phone number, got a new email, no forwarding address, and has his FB set to private. He was my support system and my best friend. We were team truck drivers delivering all over the country so not only did I lose him I lost my job.
    I am in so much emotional pain. I cry off and on everyday. My depression has gotten so bad, I can’t even go back to work. Even when I do, I will probably never drive a truck again. It was something we shared, and I will always associate it with him. I also am suffering with social anxiety. I rarely leave the house because I usually fall apart before I even get back home.
    I have no real friends. I have a few people on Facebook, but they are just there to comment occassionally or like something I posted. My family is no real help either.
    I am not taking this loss well at all. I’m just so lonely.
    It seems people are just so shallow anymore. It’s all about looks and body size. Even in the friends forums, most the women are looking for men and the men only want female friends who are attractive and height and weight proportinate. Why does a person’s looks or body shape determine whether they are friendship worthy??? I’ve had people tell me over and over that I’ve got a good heart and I’m a caring person, yet where has that gotten me? Alone, lonely, and no one to call a friend. Don’t get me wrong. I love my ex and I miss him every day. Having a friend or friends won’t change that, but it would help occupy my time and give me something to do to take the edge off all this heartbreak.
    I try to keep busy, but my house is no longer a home with him gone. The silence just overwhelms me and except for the hurt, I’m just empty inside.
    How does a mid 50’s, overweight, woman who has always been unattractive, even when she was younger and skinny, find and make friends? I have my phone with me all the time, and yet it only rings like once or twice a week. I would be over the moon just to get a text message every once in awhile.
    I have reached out to a couple of guys, one who was my old trainer at a company I drove for and another who claimed he was a “good hearted Christian”. The guy who was my trainer has called me on 2 different occassions, he was drunk both times, and made it clear he wouldn’t mind us “hooking up”. He has never called me in the light of day when he was sober and suggested it. I wouldn’t either way, but just the fact that the only way he could be attracted to me was when he was drunk made me feel even worse about myself. Then the so called good hearted Christian guy came by one day to look at an old car I have. He was nice enough, we talked for awhile, then he left. I was looking through a personals site seeing if my ex was posting and came across this same guy. He was wanting a lady for a long term relationship, but he was also willing to just have female friends to chat with or go grab a cup of coffee. I emailed him, told him I know I’m not what he was looking for in a relationship, but we shared a few of the same interests, and I wouldn’t mind being friends. He emailed me back with what I believe was total sarcasm saying “Sure, we can be friends” then had a laughing smiley at the end like, “yeah right”. I haven’t heard from him since. After that rejection, I was just too defeated and crawled back into the despair of my lonliness. I suffer from low self esteem anyway, so these losses have me feeling unwanted and unloved.
    I just don’t know where to turn anymore.

    • Michael says:

      Hi Michelle:

      I read your posting and can relate to what you’re going thru. We’re good hearted, down-to-earth individuals who are trying to survive in a world of superficiality and push button technology. It can be very daunting and frustrating to try and relate to others, especially with our old school mentalities. If you would like a friend to talk to, please email me at letsgomets123 at live dot com.

      • Michelle says:

        Thank you Michael. I may take you up on that offer of email sometime.
        I found a couple of people looking for friends just to email or chat online. Once they found out I was heavy, poof, they’re gone.
        I guess I’m never going to hear from my ex again. He’s just done.
        The only thing worse than being hated by an ex is being forgotten and that hurts badly.

        • Michael says:

          Hi Michelle:

          I see you got spurned by others for offers of friendship thru email. I wouldn’t take that personally and here’s why: although you didn’t mention it, I’m going to presume that those individuals were males, and the reason they turned you down is because they’re looking for a fantasy relationship with a slim, gorgeous figured woman whom society deems as attractive and a trophy prize – something which can make them feel good about themselves without them ever having to put forth a real life commitment to a real life woman in the flesh & blood. They (the men) can bask in the benefits of having a societal approved attractive female without having to deal with the struggles, challenges and everyday issues of being in a full scale physical relationship. So please, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their limited mindset and shallow viewpoints of living life.

          As far as dealing with the breakup by your ex, that’s something that millions of people have gone thru in the course of their lifetimes, and something that you will eventually get over with the passage of time, just like everybody else. Do you have any other interests or hobbies that you can pre-occupy yourself with in the meantime? Things that can help you take your mind off focusing on your sorrow while you go thru the healing process; and remember, he is the one who made the decision to break up with you and abruptly take off without properly explaining his reasons for doing so. He is the one who has to live with that choice that he made, not you. So be proud of yourself that you were willing to stick it out no matter what. That you’re a good person who deserves to have somebody else come along in the future and love you for exactly who you are.

          • Michelle says:

            Thank you for a male perspective Michael. Yes, the people I tried to start a friendship with are males. As far as my ex’s leaving being his choice, you are right, but he has no problem “living with it”, that’s what he wanted so it hasn’t caused him an ounce of heartache. Me, on the other hand, also has to live with the choice he made, and the pain it caused when he left me and our relationship behind. He got what he wanted, his freedom, while I’m the one dealing with the fallout.
            I know it sounds like I’m wallowing in self pity and to a point you would be right. However, this sorrow is not something I can just will away. I don’t know if you suffer from depression, but what I’m dealing with is a very deep depression and some social anxiety. I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but it’s like when he left it created a vacuum that just sucked all the joy out of my life. There are days when I do good to get out of bed. Some days are okay, and some, the memories and loss just overwhelm me to the point that all I can do is cry.
            As far as hobbies, once again, the depression has taken it’s toll. I’ve lived in my house 25 years and accumulated a lot over those years. This breakup has changed me. I am in the process of cleaning out my house. I’m either trashing, selling, or donating the majority of my things. Pictures are coming off the walls, what nots sold off, furniture gone, bare necessities, that’s it. All this stuff I used to enjoy and surround myself with has no meaning anymore. It’s just “stuff”. It doesn’t love you back and you can’t take it with you when you’re gone, so why keep it? I used to love flower gardening and my yard art. I could care less about it now and am in the process of taking out flower beds, getting rid of my wind chimes, etc. I just don’t want to fool with any of it anymore. So hobbies or interests? I don’t get any enjoyment out of anything anymore.
            I have even thought about just taking off and disappearing. I figured it’s working for my ex well enough, so why not? If he can run from his problems instead of dealing with them, then why can’t I?
            As far as being a good person, there seems to be a lot of us on here who are good people, yet all that got us was used and then discarded when we were no longer useful. Makes me wonder if we would be better off if we were more like our exes? Then maybe we could get past all this hurt and just move on…?
            I hope you have a good day. I’m trying, which is better than not trying.

    • Karen says:

      Michelle, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hurt for you. You have lost so much. Is there someone like a therapist you could talk to? I know journaling is supposed to help. Just writing what you are feeling helps. I don’t know if you are religious, but talking to God helps me. If you need to talk any more, you can email me.

      • Michelle says:

        Hi Karen,

        As far as therspist go, that is an expense I can’t handle right now. I’m trying desperately to get unrmployment, but my last company is fighting me over it. I guess they think a severely depressed person, who is getting minimal sleep, and can’t keep her mind on things, is a safe prospect behind the wheel of a truck?
        I don’t follow organized religion as far as belonging to a church, but I am spiritual and do believe in God. When this first happened, I was angry at Him and came close to losing my Faith. I know God gives us free will though, and it wasn’t Him who made my husband leave. I am trying to be a better person and be deserving of God’s love and strength. I do talk to Him, a lot, but I also struggle with a lot of self doubt, so my Faith wavers continuously. I just keep trying, that’s all I can do.
        I have a journal and I really need to use it more. It just seems like sometimes, the stuff in my head just goes round and round. I find myself repeating a lot of the same thoughts and feelings.
        Anyway, thank you for replying. I do appreciate it. Take care

        • Karen says:

          Hi Michelle,
          Since you are so depressed you may need antidepressants. I know I wouldn’t be able to function if I wasn’t taking them. I believe God accepts us just the way we are right now; that we don’t have to do anything to deserve his love. He loves us no matter what we’ve done. I will be praying for you and feel free to contact me any time.

          • Michelle says:

            Thank you for the words of encouragement.
            I’ve considered anti deppresants. The side effects are just so bad. I can’t chance anymore weight gain, I’m too heavy now and most of them mess with your sleep too. I’m getting less than 4 hours a sleep a day. I will check into it though.
            I just can’t get past the thought that I’m never going to see my ex again. He just cut me completely out of his life like I was less than nothing. That is what hurts the most.
            I do hope everyone has a nice weekend. My Dad has passed so it will be more sadness on this end.

          • Karen says:

            Hi Michelle,
            I’ve been taking antidepressants for 20 plus years and one thing I’ve learned is if one antidepressant doesn’t work, you have to keep trying until you find the right one. You can’t give up . I am taking Seroquel at night and it helps me sleep. You really need to go to a Psychiatrist. A GP doesn’t have the knowledge that a Psychiatrist does.
            Hang in there. Give yourself time to heal. Just don’t make any major decisions until you are better.

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Michelle,

      I don’t know if I can add anything to the already great advice below but Michael is right, concerning your ex, in time you will be okay. Hurts to the core right now but it will pass, just a human thing we have to go through.

      Concerning the Anti-depressant’s mentioned below, I’m on Wellbutrin which is one of the few AD’s that usually doesn’t cause weight gain.

      I understand everything you are saying, I’m in my mid fifties, so scared, feel so alone. A lot of people are shallow about looks etc, some aren’t though, I don’t care what someone looks like, what they weigh, wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone like that anyway.

      If the people you’ve been writing to drop you because you are heavy, they aren’t looking for a friend, they’re looking for something else so I would not want to know them.

      I have been so hurt by family, friends etc I retreated in to a shell and don’t want to be around a lot of people for fear of getting hurt, but I do want friends, I really do, people do invite me and I make a excuse up and stay home with my dog.

      If you need a friend to talk, to vent to etc you can also contact me, wary of putting an email up here though so how do we do it.

    • Krista says:

      It isn’t everything to have a partner. I have one … a long-term marriage that we both like. You still need various other people to talk to. Instead of looking for a partner first and then looking for friends, what if you looked for friends first, and then looked for a partner later? If the partner didn’t last, you would still have the friends. New friends are often easier than old friends, since new friends see you as you are today, not as the person you were years ago (in different circumstances). Best wishes.

  51. Joseph says:

    Thank you John, your experiences and thoughts have opened my eyes to my own depression and anti-social behavior and I know myself better now after reading your post
    It’s crazy cuz I related to Section 1 and 2 so much and it’s good to know I’m not the only one who goes through these exact things

  52. Vicki says:

    I no longer have the energy, self confidence it takes to get up and try anything. To be honest I don’t fit with most people I meet.
    I find many to be loud, ignorant, self absorbed and spend most of their time chasing other activities or conversations on their cell phones. The world is not a pretty place any longer. I long to go fishing, attend summer festivals, see fireworks with friends etc… No one to do those things with.
    I lay in my bed… barely make it to work and garden when I can drag myself to be vertical.
    I am losing my mind from having no one to talk to most of the time.
    Once a week therapy is not the soloution.
    I need more and someone who cares not gets paid a ridiculous amount of $$$ to say very little that actually helps.
    I was not meant to be loved and with my personality that isn’t going to work very much longer. I had all peace robbed from me most of my life since childhood, I was the good girl and helped and hung in to the bitter end now when I need someone and help there’s no one

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Vicki,

      I cold have written your post word for word.

      I am the same way, since childhood I was the good girl too and helped everyone, I desperately need someone, I hurt so much inside.

      I too try to pull myself up but I’m so tired of actually trying if that makes any sense. I don’t “fit in” and I don’t want to, I don’t want to gossip and hurt someone’s feelings and then think it’s funny, I don’t want to be around bragging people who only care what car you are driving, on and on…so superficial, cannot stand it but so many people are this way.

      It’s a battle to get around the grocery store without someone getting angry or nasty, or hitting you with their cart…so ridiculous, so many are angry.

      So, I retreat again inside and walk my dog in the wilderness where I am happy.

      I know therapy can help but only so far, I hardly have the energy to do anything about this. it seems to be able to survive you have to be ruthless for the most part but that’s just not me.

  53. Kev says:

    Judging by some of my friends who have suffered from depression you need some sort of medication to stop the self fulfilling cycle long enough so that you can socialize without all this pressure bearing down on you. Secondly don’t focus on the past, what you did has been lived and there are those who came from much worse that managed to turn their life around. Although i’m a guy you’re really close to my age so to give some advice on making friends i recommend going on the internet to find groups and clubs(the type where people do fun activities, not just party) in your area and find out your passions and share those interests with people. If you want(what has helped me) is try to rekindle old friendships that you thought were long gone but can easily restart.

    People are naturally drawn to those who are active, upbeat, sociable, and inclusive. again medication and therapy are an important first step as they will stop the cycle of depression long enough for you to find your own interests, aspirations, and true happy self which depression and anxiety saps away.

    from then just be active, if you want to go see a movie or stop by a coffee shop but a new acquaintance turns you down, go anyway. It might sound strange but that’s how you lead and create your entertainment/happiness without being in the shadow of others relying on them to be everything for you.

  54. CHRISTINE S. says:

    I’ve suffered from loneliness and rejection and depression most of my life. On and off. But mostly on. I am almost 51. I am Post menapausal. I have, a,13 year old, son with, odd and adhd and he poops his pants. I’m full of rage and anger. I am extremely bitter at how hollow my life 8s. My son antagonizes and provokes, me to be even more angry. I have only one friend. He is a pathological liar. I only tolerate him out of sheer lonliness. He is not my type of person. Our relationship is platonic. He is ignorant and uneducated. He has, no ability to comfort the hurting. He kicks me when I’m down. I want to get in my car and drive out of, state and never come back, to this house. To this neighborhood , which is vad. To this child who displeased me so much. To this friend who is such a dishonest with snake like qualities.i call children and youth to talk and vent. Today they hung up on me 4 tines. 5th time they connected me with the sheriff’s office without my knowledge or consent. I have been seeing my physical doctor about this problem for over a year. He put me on xanax but it isn’t working good enough. I am still in despair and have frequent freak outs and hysteria. Same as before. Uncontrollable rage. Hate. It feels terrible. I don’t want to be here in this place but can find no help nor relief nor healing. I call prayer lines for prayer. I pray, everyday. I connected with counseling center for my son and me. Not, working yet. I also see, another counselor just for me. Not working yet. I cry out to God day and night of my miseries. I am, so unsatisfied. So unfulfilled. So full of regrets. So desiring to escape parenthood. And the crummy friend.who betrayed me twice majorly. Jesus, please help me. It hurts so profoundly inside me.

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Christine, Kev has good advice above.

      I so hear you, I am in my mid fifties and Post Menopausal too, I want to run out this door all the time and never come back I hurt so much all the time. Suffered from depression since late teens and am on an AD which is helping but I am so lonely it hurts.

      I have no friends, my choice really as everyone had always hurt me so I basically retreated from life.
      I feel sad, and angry, angry at myself, the time has gone by and I definitely think once we get to a certain age things really hit home.
      I sometimes sob so much I cannot breathe.

      I have looked on the internet for groups to join and know I am the only one who can change things, I want a life, I do, yet I get excited about maybe joining a group then feel down and scared as I might get hurt again, it’s a circle.

      I have been in therapy which does help and I need to go back!

      The “friend” you have is no friend and I think is only making thing worse for you, I’ve had people around me like that and it’s a horrible feeling. I’d rather be by myself with my dog!! Someone like your friend is dragging you even further down.

      My advice is to first get in to some kind of therapy, so you can talk to someone and get everything out, about your son too, you need someone to listen. They can really, really help, then go forward from there, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other….. you are not alone, I want you to know that.

      Hang in there.

  55. Wanda says:

    Hi I know how everyone feels. I have had difficulties making friends since childhood. My mother had been my friend until she died in 2010 and I took care of her during her illness of COPD and Asthma. I still stay at home and take care of my father who is 82 years old and is very emotional abusive.
    After my mother died I didn’t have anyone to talk to no family or friends. I went to a counselor and she got me to volunteer at the hospital to try to make some friends, Did not work. Then she thought I should go to college to get an education toward a job. I completed a Medical Coding program in 2014 and I haven’t got hired yet. I thought I would make some friends at college and nothing. I am 51 years old.

    • elia says:

      I feel like my life got completely destroyed when i started high school ( 2 years ago) In sixth grade, i had friends, i had actual people who wanted to talk to me, who wanted to team up with me, WHO RESPECTED ME, but now it’s all gone.

  56. saikrish says:

    Nthng left in life, ia m 26, no frnds, no money, no place to stay, family problems, i was nt like this, i am an mba grad wanted to be an entrepreneur, ended up doing nthng.
    No girl, no frnd, no family support, no money, feeling ashamed staying at frnds flat, want to go somewhere, join an NGO, i know to value of human life, i am contolling myself not to think of suicide..
    Please somebody help me…

    • Draknov says:

      My friend, LIFE is like a story we all used to read when we were small kids, remember? Look, everything you see when you wake up does not have a positive or negative vibe by default, it’s simply that us humans give EMOTIONS to everything we see depending how we feel. I will give you a quick example, bring 2 persons and make them sit down right next to each other, now 1 of them is DEPRESSED and the other is HAPPY, now make them both look at just a Tree whose leafs move because of the wind. The tree is just a tree with it’s leafs moving because of the wind, but for the 2 people is different, ask the happy person and he/she will say it’s a tree in a sunny day with the wind moving it’s leafs dancing in a relaxing environment, now ask the depressed person and he/she will be reminded of all the things that make him/her feel so depressed, looking at it will make him/her just feel so down because that simple “wind making the leafs move” will give the feeling of how everything just GOES. My point is that everything you see in your life can be either positive or negative depending how you want to see them, so my advice to you is simple. LISTEN TO YOUR HEART AND DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT, NEVER FORCE YOURSELF TO DO SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH, LIFE IS LIKE A BOOK WHERE EVERYDAY WE WRITE A PAGE, WE GIVE EMOTION/LIFE TO EVERYTHING AROUND US, BUT AT THE END IT ALL DEPENDS WETHER YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR “BOOK” A HAPPY OR A SAD ENDING. I BELIEVE IN YOU, I KNOW I DON’t KNOW YOU PERSONALLY, BUT I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE HOW YOU REALLY WANT IT TO BE, BECAUSE IF YOU BELIEVE, THEN NOTHING OR NOBODY WILL EVER TAKE AWAY THAT BEAUTIFUL DREAM YOU MUST TURN INTO REALITY. NEVER GIVE UP MY FRIEND, DOESN’t MATTER IF YOU TAKE BIG OR SMALL STEPS, AS LONG AS YOU TAKE “THE STEP”, YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO TURNING THAT “BEAUTIFUL” VISION, INTO REALITY.

  57. Vicki says:

    Thank everyone for responding to me.
    I can’t even get someone to talk to me on a site for loneliness. Goodbye

    • saikrish says:

      Hey bro…similar situation here

    • Susan says:

      Hi, Vicki I’m Susan. I had a lonely life. Being lonely isn’t fun at all. So, maybe we can chat sometime.

    • Sophie says:

      Life will always be hard as it throws so many horrible things at us for us to get stronger within time. I know sounds insane right? But I do believe in the light at the end of the tunnel, I am currently still in one and haven’t reached the end. I set myself mini goals but being 20 it is very hard. I have no friends, don’t havr family apart from my mum who I don’t have much contact as. Much anf. Little sister. I have a boyfriend who a rocks but we have ups and downs most days. Life just feel so dull and dark and I haven’t left the room as I am afraid what the day will bring. Please feel free to email me if you do wanna talk to anyone reading this then please get it touch. I am also lonely and want to help others to feel they are worth something. Make me feel better within my self.
      sophief719 (at) gmail

  58. Vick says:

    I understand this subject more than most as I’ve lived with it all of my 52 years.
    My story is too long to post but short version would be nightmare childhood, turned to 20 years dealing with loved ones alcoholism, failed marriage, no children, no family, financial struggles, loss of last 2 friends due to the depression and finally putting my beautiful dog to sleep after 17 years.
    I want only sleep as it is the only time I am truly happy.
    I literally cry when I wake.
    I have tried the therapy thing…and am weaning myself off antidepressants which have been a part of my life for the last 20.
    I cannot think of one thing I care to do or experience any longer even if I had someone to share it with. I am tired now…

    • Marcus says:

      Hi Vick sorry about your life. Maybe we could talk together ?

      • Vicki says:

        Hi Marcus,
        Thank you for taking the time to read and write.
        I have never been on a sight like this one before so not sure how to begin.
        Are you someone in a similar situation
        to these posts?
        You are the only one who responded to mine so thank you for reaching out.

        • Marcus says:

          Hi Vicki sorry I didn’t see the reply as it came through to my spam folder. thanks for replying. I’m sorry to hear about your hardship and what you’ve gone through.

          At the moment I am having counselling and also have issues with what I experienced and was raised seeing. Mine is different t from yours indeed. I was raised without a father who wasn’t bothered and was a drug taken abuser and did some really horrible things to my mum who went through breakdowns and suffered mentally because of it. He never has cared to this day or been in my life.

          Seeing a lot and hearing a lot while growing up with my mum made me grow up at a young age. Different men, the arguing and abuse was horrible to grow up around and what my was involved with. Having social issues and anxiety which I feel is due to me growing up is hard.

          But determined to go head on and make something of myself even with what’s happened. I hope to chat more to you Vicki I have never done or been on this site before either but I came across it.



    • Christi says:


      I am right there with you to a lost of degrees, I am on the tail end of my 2nd divorce, we do have one son who is 7 who is really the only reason I am alive to type this. Financial struggles including foreclosure. Just over and over again it keeps coming and I cannot find my way out. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

      One think I did think of is maybe trying to voluteer a little bit to see if that helps me. I am unable to work for time because of mine but I am completely and utterly alone except for my dad and one friend who both live on opposite ends of the country. It is very very hard to try to fight out of it. I don’t have any idea where to even start.

    • Cindy says:

      I am abused by my stepfather, still live at home 36 years. Never been married. When ever I go out I feel like all the young people are laughing at me. I have no friends, no job. What is the point of living in pain everyday, I just want to die.

      • Draknov says:


  59. Ankit says:

    Tilly….we all live for ourself but we need some one in our life who will encourage us all the time….bt i have no one who will encourage me or support me and to boost me up…that’s the reason i feel low all time…and at the end of the day all i feel is to give up my life….as there is no one who will apreciate me…#worthless life

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Ankit, I hear you, I really do and understand completely.

      Yes, we all need someone, I cry because I want someone to love me, to be there, to tell me everything will be okay you’re not alone, I sob for this as I feel so lonely, so very, very alone.

      I do have a grown daughter who I love so much and she loves me but she also of course has her own life and I know she worries about me so I don’t tell her just how bad it all is.

      Growing up my family was awful. I see other families who love each other, are kind to each other and supportive and it hurts me, I’m so happy for them but I yearn for that.

      I keep telling myself I have to concentrate on what I want to do, just get out and do it but I feel stuck most days, I walk and hike a lot with my dog, just the two of us and that’s when I feel happy, in he wilderness….

      When I’m feeling better I tell myself you can do it, get out and do things you like to do and that’s where I’ll meet others who are like me.

      The alternative is this….nothing and time is going by fast.

      Hang in there, I hope things change for you very soon, there are good people out there and there is someone out there who will encourage and support you. Take good care of yourself and remember you are not alone, peace…..

      • Ankit says:

        Thanks Tilly…you made me feel good…i really loved ur positiveness….Thank you Tilly…Always be positive…

      • Dian says:

        First time I have ever blogged , thanks Tilly , your story resonated with me so much , feeling exactly the same. May we all find our inner strength

  60. mark says:

    I have always felt insecure,from a little boy,now at 49 my life has passed bye,I’m suffering from chronic lung disease,and may have a few years? My chances of having children failed ,one abortion,one miscarriage,and now I wouldn’t have the strength to try even if the possibility came along? I always feel that people are my elders even when there obviously 20yrs younger.. Now my life is coming to an early end? I look back and can’t believe what happened?mark?what a waste,all I can.say is try and make the most of your time, I know its not that simple but wtf is it all about anyway

    • Daniel says:

      These words may feel hollow to you now, but in life there is no easy path.
      All people carry their own burdens, and some people carry a terrible weight that few can understand. You may have a bitter sense of regret, as if life has passed you by, but you have lived all the same. Even if nobody understands your struggles, you did the best job you knew how to do. Nobody gets an instruction manual, you just get thrown in the deep end. Not all people float.

      Sadly, not everyone has a good support network nor do they have good parents or good friends. Some words and actions can cut deep, and leave a lasting poison that can utterly erode parts of you if you’re unfortunate or unable to resist.

      While you may have an exaggerated sense of shame or inferiority, please realise even on some level there is NO shame in hurting, nor being afraid. When in darkness, any plant will reach for the light, and while it may twist you at your roots and leave you frail and bent in the strangest of ways just to survive… you are still you. If you hurt, the pain is REAL. If you are afraid, the fear is REAL.

      If you only grant yourself once mercy in your self-opinion, please, for the love of god, remember that you’re only human, and you’re allowed to be crushed if your burdens become unmanageable, even if others cannot appreciate, understand or empathise.

      You are human.
      No matter how big or small you feel. Still human.
      Breathe deep. Take some time to figure out what makes you happy, and go for it in whatever way you can manage without disturbing what peace of mind you have.

      Perhaps… consider telling your story, if you often hide it from anyone close to you.
      There are more people like you than you seem to realise.
      Though I suppose that’s part of the neurosis, isn’t it? To feel like the one truly defective person in all of adult humanity. That’s just an illusion created by the emotional issues though. Seeing past that chemically created smokescreen is hard as hell, but I hope at least on some level you understand that willpower alone seldom wins out against a life of bad lessons and lacking support.

      Whoever you are, Mark.

      • Tilly says:

        I want to thank you for your post above, it is so well written and so true.

        Your words helped me so much today and I am going to print your post and carry it with me!!

        I hope you are okay today, big hugs to all…

      • mark says:

        As you know action speaks louder than words? But still some words have such truth and can give you strength! Even if my life is being cut short! And I have to put up with pain,the words speak truth! Still none of us knows what happens to us when were gone, so there is always the hope of something magical,as all the time which has passed us, with all the thousands of years before us are magical themselves. So we do have hope? Thanks!

      • Donna says:

        Mark, your post touched me so deeply also.You have a rare insight into the unbearable pain and suffering and shame of so many people. And you use it to help others.If only everyone had your honesty and perspective! Thank you for being an angel of sorts to people who really need one.

  61. Ankit says:

    hlo guy,i m a 17 years boy n i hav no frnds,not even a single frnd,i m alwys surrounded by lonlyness n depression….at last i decided to suicide bt i was failed doing that…..i hav nothing left in my life…why m i so lonely..??….i dont want to be alive any more…Fed up with this boring lyf….i want to die…!!

    • Lu says:

      Please don’t give up. You don’t live for other people; it’s your life. There are many people who feel this way. Pets can help because they are friends you don’t have to converse with. Just don’t end it all. Friends come and go.

      • Ankit says:

        ya I know that we live for ourself not for others but….in life we want someone with whome we can share our feelings…but i have no one in my life with whome i can share my feelings …that’s the reason i dont want to be alive anymore…there is no one who will care for me except my mom…I m living a worthless life…

        • Tilly says:

          Hi Ankit,

          As Lu says please don’t give up, I know it all hurts, I’ve suffered from major depression since my teens and felt so very alone all the time, so much so I hurt so badly inside.

          This is so easy to say and I need help myself but my advice to you at your age is to try to go forward with what you want to do in life, career etc and work on that, usually when you do that you will make friend’s.

          You know that expression we have to make ourselves happy first? it is true and only we can do it.

          With my depression I do feel useless as I always wanted a career and it hurts I was not able to do that, I know deep down I’m not useless but I’ve spent so many years trying to get the depression under control.

          • Ellie says:

            I am 62 years old, suffering from the empty nest syndrome, my husband of 32 years left 4 months ago to drink himself to death, and I am left alone, depressed, with a feeling I am in a self made jail. I stay in the house most of the day, but I do have a dog and 2 cats. Though this sometimes helps, it can also be a burden, cause I can hardly take care of myself, let alone my animal friends. My life would be emptier without them, and as someone suggested it may be a good idea for you to get an animal friend who does not judge and will love you as long as you are kind to them. It won’t matter what you look like or how depressed you are, and you can say whatever you want to them. I tried to kill myself when I was 24 – been depressed since I was 15 yrs. old, and despite everything I’m glad I didn’t die. I just went flying through the windshield of my car. Luckily to major injuries either. But I still have hope, even after all these years, and am going into rehab in an effort to repair my soul, meet and speak to people, and break the chains. I made this first step, and you can do it too. Try to find a group somewhere of people with similar problems. Ask your doctor if he/she knows of anything. But don’t give up hope. You never know what is around the corner. Have patience, and try watching Ajahn Brahm on Youtube. He has a variety of subjects he covers, and has helped my outlook a lot.

    • Love says:

      Hi Ankit,

      This will pass but it might take some time. It’s so hard for you right now, I hear you. Despite of it all, get out, go to the cinema, park, get busy while you feeling down, fight it and it will go away. Don’t surrender to your emotions/mind. You can make a decision right now, tell black dog to go away. Find a meaning in your life, something you want to do, become. Study or make action towards your dreams and it will go away. Be patient… And if it comes back well then you learn how to deal with it. Don’t be afraid of it, accept it, and it will go right away. Echart Tolle really good at guidance towards acceptance…
      Winter always turn to spring.

      • Ankit says:

        Love…i am waiting for happiness but in never comes to my doorsteps…im am waiting for the winrer to pass quickly but it never passes and i can’t experience the spring….i want some one in my life who can take me out from the dark side of my life and give me some sunshine of happiness…but i know that i can never ever get happiness…my life is full of sorrowness…!!!

  62. Katie says:

    I am 16 year girl and I am feeling alone and lonely all the time. I find myself struggling to talk and pretend myself that I have friends. This loneliness grew more and more as I could not find a friend to talk and discuss my problems. My mom left me and my family when I was 2 months and she doesn’t cares about us anymore. I hate her as she is the only person causing all the problems and loneliness me & my family face in our lives. If she would be there we would be happy but she likes to live alone making my family destroyed and unbound. My father is also depressed because of her that we can’t find anybody when we need it the most. I became a loner and I don’t think I could ever talk to anybody normally as the other me restricts my words, my actions, emotions, and even the way I act. That made me feels as a stranger to everybody. I’ve always been a homesick or house arrested person. I never got the time and confidence to go outside and live a normal life and play, make friends as I feared somebody could bully me criticize me if I ever done something wrong. Even my classmates bully me because I am now having such loneliness that I could never come out, they think I am snobby. There was a time I got good friends but now I have none because I stopped talking with them due to loneliness. Whatever the friends I have got are just like me depressed or insane whom the society never accepts but I want to get out with all of this. Every time I meet somebody I feel to go away but this cannot happen all the time. I know I have to face the world but I can’t as I am very shy, lonely, insane, having big conversation and mind barriers unlike other people, really I just want to die because I can’t fight with the world I guess I have no confidence and courage. I can’t bear all this happenings as it hurts and breaks my dignity in pieces. I can’t run away as I have no money no place to go and no relatives to just help me out move on and biggest is I’ve got no true friends. It was all easy to advice or suggest but now all I could feel is pain and fear I am dying with self loathing about I can’t act normally and be helpless. I am a burden and headache to all people I know they just can’t bear me because of my silence. I don’t know what to speak with them and how to act the best and continue conversation when they ask me something. People just laugh at my back, criticize me, ignore me, show mercy over me or make me feel insane and stupid with their sort of SMART and sucking comments. My mind doesn’t work in conversations and humor has gone out of my life so I deleted Facebook and Instagram. Nothing is good my life sucks. My father is allotting me his all efforts and money to make my life, career and studies good and also giving all his property and earnings to me when I turn adult but I don’t think I could meet his expectations despite his financial efforts I can’t be a person to handle all this. My really bad unlike and awkward situations made me lonely. I even can’t talk all this with anybody I trust because of fear. Help me find what to do.

    • Lucy says:

      Dear Katie, my heart goes out to you. I too suffer from social anxiety, loneliness and find it hard to maintain friends due to my social awkwardness. My heart truly goes out to you, not only for the reasons for which I identify with you, but also because I am a 44-year-old mother of three children two of whom are teenagers. There is nothing more important than for teens to have family support, especially a mother. Please hang in there…life will get better… I know that sounds cliché but I have been socially awkward since I was a teen too and have learned to make adjustments through the years. Hormones also play a huge role in our emotions and as a teenager you are getting a lot of fluctuating ones. When you’re really down, some of the things that I have learned over the years that really help me are to make sure that you go outside and bask in the sunshine, make sure you shower every day: the water is so refreshing and cleansing to the soul, listen to soothing music or music that’ll make you want to get up and dance, and talk to someone close to you, possibly like your Dad. Be thankful that your father is on your side and reach out to him with your troubles, if you can. I know sometimes it’s hard because you feel like you’re bothering somebody but if he loves you like I am sure that he does he will want to know of your personal hardships. I wish you all the luck and pray that you will find the strength and nurturing your beautiful soul needs. Much love.

    • Carrie says:

      Dear Katie
      I am from China, 19 years old, but I really wish you can feel me there and I truly wish my poor English can help you a bit.You are still so young with so many potential and possibility. I went through really tough time and changed a lot. What makes my tough time is my parents. They fight and argue all the time. That feeling of putting myself between their conflict is just like a nightmare haunting around me. However, I can’t help. I was afraid to let others know and regarded myself as inferior to any other human, self-denying and thought any other one are happier than me. There are some tips, I wish they can help you to think more. Firstly, forget about those bad things in you life because everyone encounter more or less of those suck stuff. It is not necessary to compare with others, you are yourself, you are unique. Recept yourself and what you experienced, if you don’t recept yourself, no one is able to recept you because you won’t let them to. Secondly, try to find 3 things happened in your ever lives that whenever you are thinking about them, you feel truly happy, i mean, they can make you truly smiling. Take your time, you can find those 3 things. Find 5 things that you really enjoy doing, reading or watching TV or walking dogs, etc. Do more of those things you enjoy, which can create you happy feelings. Whenever you feel bad again, think about those 3 things, and tell yourself: things aren’t that bad. Thirdly, try to sort out one thing everyday. The feeling of helpless comes from your failure to handle stuff, gradually, you lose faith in yourself. Learn and try to imitate how other people handle stuff. The first one and most important one, I think, you should sort out the relationship with your father first, which can really help you in the future life. From my experience, good relationships between girls and dads are the fundemental part in girls’ life in handling other relationships. Cherish your dad, hug him every night. From the beginning, he might feel weird, but do that every day for at least 2 weeks, both of you will definately feel more relieved in this relationship. There is another thing, I really wish you can insist in doing: Saying: I am the best (every moring in front of your mirrior) Today is a good day ( every night before bed)
      Ultimately, forgive. Your hatred to your mom signigies your hatred to your own. Forgive others, forgive the bad things happened in your life, you will see the world is much brighter. There are many people around you, support you and give their best regard to you.

      • Ellie says:

        Thanks Carrie for your wise reply. I am that 62 yr. old woman who feels like she is in jail. I like your ideas of finding 3 things that make me happy, and 5 things that I like to do, and build from there. These words of wisdom I am going to use in my life.

        • Donna says:

          Hi. Ellie

          I too am. 62 years old and marriedr 40 years. My husband is 75 yrs. old with severe emphysema. I have suffered from depression and sever anxiety since age 15. My parents tried to get help for me but valium and thorazine was all the help i got back then.More recently I have gone to counseling been hospitalized several times. I always sink back into paralyzing depression.I know what you mean by feeling like you’re in jail.I feel the same way!But its a jail where i put myself.I don’t go out in public as I think people are staring at me or making fun of me.I don’t know what to say to people .I’m afraid ill say something stupid so i stay quiet. My daughter spends time with me and tries to help me and my son encourages to go to church.But i feel like a burden fo them and embarrassment to my grandkids.I wish so much i could be happy and normal. i worry constantly about my husband dying and what i will do then.I pray for you all on this post and i know exactly how lonely and sad life is. Love and peace to you all!

    • Jessica says:

      Feeling really alone today and my family has gone out without me as I am not pleasant to be around .I am a mum and gave teenage children.i suffer in silence and find life hard at times even though I have immediate family around but not my mum dad or brother . Reading your story brought me to tears – I suggest that you see a doctor and get a refers to speak to a physiologist – you get ten free visits . I didn’t feel I had anyone to talk to either but it’s great to be able to speak freely to someone who is trained to tune in on what may be your underlying personal issues .i guarantee you will feel better after talking it’s really important .also go outside and be by the ocean – it calms your inner person .depression is hard to acknowledge but many of us suffer in silence as we are not supposed to feel like this — please go and speak to someone .

    • Donna says:

      You sound exactly like me when i was your age.I am 62 Years old now and you are at an age where you can conquer this illness and not let it swallow you up. You sound like a very intelligent and soulful perso. It must be so hard not to have your mother around! My heart goes out to you.I hope that you can find a mental health clinic in your area.They have group therapy where i live where you can talk to people your age who have the same problems as you. At least you would be able to talk to and meet people who go through the same things as you.They operate on a sliding scale where you pay by your income which makes it very affordable. Please look into it.Don’t let this depression steal your life from you like i did.Love and prayers!

  63. Sillyheart says:

    Wow, I thought I was the only one. Since we’re all talking about depression, read the following:

    1. I’m 60 yrs. old and live with my mother.

    2. I’m overweight and trying desperately to lose the weight, but it’s going to take me years because I need to lose 125 lbs. I hardly eat a thing and walk every day. I’m losing about one pound per month. Wonderful.

    3. I don’t have a job and haven’t been able to get a job for over 10 yrs. Why? I guess you’d have to ask the people who didn’t contact me when I applied, or the rare people who did interview me and didn’t call back.

    4. People judge you on the way you look, so … I don’t get a job because (a) I’m 60 yrs. old, and (b) I’m overweight. People don’t say anything outright to your face. They just treat you like crap in an interview, that is, the rare occasion when you actually get an interview.

    5. There are only two people left in my family: my mother and myself.

    6. I was an alcoholic for 18 yrs. and finally stopped on my own. The only trouble is that I was fired from two jobs because of it and walked off of another one because of it. People at my previous jobs think I’m an idiot and I’ve been treated as such. I wish I could move and change my name but, guess what? I don’t have any money!

    7. Besides not having a job, I also don’t have a car, a house, a cell phone, or a computer (I’m typing this at the library).

    8. I injured my left knee years ago and it hasn’t been the same since. The right knee is going now too. My general health isn’t that great.

    9. Because I don’t have a job, I don’t have medical insurance and can’t afford any.

    10. If something happens to my mother, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Live on the street I guess.

    Now all of you know why I’m depressed. Nothing seems to change.

    • Paul says:

      Sillyheart: I think you’ve hit on an important contributor to predicaments such as ours. That contributor is the common attitude of apathy, or even blame, which many folks tend to possess about people in hardship situations. Being older, overweight, or otherwise unattractive somehow makes us more vulnerable to apathy on the part of others.

      Much of the world views each individual as responsible for his or her own life choices and any ensuing consequences. Many folks simply don’t realize that no matter how hard some of us try, we are unable to improve our lives. I think that maintaining such an attitude must make it easier for folks to avoid feelings of obligation or guilt for leading lives that are more desirable than those of the individuals whom they are judging.

      For some reason, people typically avoid granting much weight to paralyzing life circumstances, and instead hold an attitude similar to: “You should have done something about *that* when you had the chance; it’s really your own fault!” The implication, of course, is that the person enveloped in the hardship predicament deserves the hardship they are encountering because of their prior poor choices. Blameful attitudes like this only serve to make things even more painful… empathy can indeed be scarce in our world. I think it’s especially hurtful when folks in desperate situations are accused of “whining” or “feeling sorry for themselves” by those who have not experienced life in their shoes. But it happens all the time. The reality is that many of us in hardship situations would not accept charity or favors from anyone. That doesn’t seem to be a consideration by many who judge us, though.

      Mental disabilities and addictions are very real, sometimes impassable life barriers. In my opinion, those barriers become all the more impossible to overcome when the sufferer has no supportive family members or friends for encouragement and advice. When that’s the case, it’s hard to know where to turn. Sometimes there is virtually nowhere to turn. Attempting to deal with such things alone when one is overwhelmed with a troubled life can be quite a tall order (at best). Life can indeed be torturous for some of us.

      I do empathize with your situation, as well as with the many other true and heartfelt situations expressed on this blog page. I’m hopeful that your life may somehow improve.

    • Donna says:

      Dear Sillyheart
      Your post really hit home with me.I live with my husband who is chronicall ill and my daily biggest fear is what will happen if he dies.I don’t want to be a burden to my children and. I couldn’t afford to live on my own. my extended family has nothing to do with me and they have no compassion for me their sister.I have a phone with internet but that’s it. My husband has bad breathing problems and its really hard to see him suffering .Sometime I stay awake to check on him afraid he will stop breathing. I worry about being homeless and how i would survive. Sometimes I’m angry at God for why i have this illness.Thank you for sharing your story.I pray you will contine to loose weight.its a struggle i know too well but you can do it. God bless you in your life! Donnaa

  64. Paul says:

    Wow, there are sure a lot of us with similar issues. I empathize with each of you! I almost feel guilty expressing my own situation here. The truth is, though, that I have absolutely no friends with whom I can reach out to about my situation and my ensuing despair. And that situation is becoming even more desperate and hopeless, as time passes, in terms of my ability to survive. As if that weren’t terrible enough, I have no family members who are not hostile toward me – with the exception of my elderly mother who suffers from dementia and thus cannot grasp or discuss situations to any extent. I am on my own and I am disabled; I survive on SSD payments. My residence is a small deteriorated and infested manufactured home that is owned by one of my siblings (who can’t stand me). The only reason I am allowed to live here is for the sake of my elderly mother, who is currently 90 years of age. I love her dearly, and I know her remaining days are quite limited. Once she is gone, I will be evicted and homeless. I would normally be able to accept that fact. But I have four dearly cherished pets that mean everything to me who will be heading off of a cliff along with me once my mother is gone. And that’s largely because of the type of animals they happen to be, as well as because I have no friends to turn to as far as keeping them once I no longer can. My pets will not be able to come with me and thus will find themselves in the custody of my hateful and cruel landlord sibling who will probably dispose of them in some convenient manner. All but one of my four pets have special needs issues – which I gladly tend to on a daily basis, but which will most likely result in any subsequent care givers opting to euthanize them. I simply can’t bear the thought of that happening. I consider these pets to be my close family members and they depend upon me to protect them. I should probably also note that a main reason my siblings harbor a deep hatred toward me is because I have confronted them on the serious crimes they have committed against my elderly mother. Over the years they have used tactics of deception to steal the entirely of her valuable assets (real property and personal possessions) for themselves. My mother has been left owning absolutely nothing of monetary value. My siblings have no remorse whatsoever for their actions in this regard and instead somehow feel entitled to what they have gained from my mother. They and their spouses have gainful careers and pensions. They certainly didn’t need to ravage my mother financially. It’s a very disturbing situation for me and I feel so afraid and alone. My only true friends are my pets…and I have no power to save them :'(

  65. Mandy says:

    Ive suffered from extreme depression my whole life , well from early teens on…I’m now 40years old and I’ve let my life pass me by, I’ve done nothing productive except my 2 sons…I’m just surviving, and with my bad anxiety and shyness it seems to be a vicious circle with me … I don’t even know where to start…

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Mandy,
      I understand….I’ve suffered from major depression since my late teens and also feel as though my life has passed by, just yesterday I sobbed and sobbed thinking about what I could have been, what I could have done if I did have this horrible disease, well, I know life would not have been perfect but I always wanted a career and oh God it hurts….tried to fight it my whole life.

      I survive, that’s it, I’m so sick of fighting depression and terrible anxiety, so hard to even go to the store some days, it’s ridiculous.

      I cry then feel stronger ready to fight on but I’m just tired….I’m sorry you are hurting and hope things get better for you.

      • Ellie says:

        Oh, God, I can’t believe there are so many of us. I was sitting here all alone, have been sitting here all alone forever and even if there’s someone like one of my grown up kids around I’m still lonely. It makes me feel somewhat better to know that I’m not the only one with this crippling disease of the mind. I also can’t do things sometimes like go to the store, etc., etc., etc., because I feel paralyzed, my depression is so bad. Most of the time I have to force myself to do whatever. I don’t want to do anything, but neither do I want to sit doing nothing. It’s a hell on earth. This must be hell. I must have done something terrible in some other life, or even this one to deserve this.

  66. Lisa says:

    I have found myself to be extremely lonely for the past few years. I had always had friends until I started having health issues. On the outside, I look healthy. However, I have been going down a spiral of illness for the past eight years. It became one issue after another. The people who I thought were friends started talking behind my back: calling me a drug addict (for taking prescriptions) and a hypochondriac. I became extremely chemically depressed. Antidepressants would work for a short time and then stop working. I have no friends to talk to. I am married, but my husband is so busy working that I have little time with him. I am not bringing in income because of my health conditions, so he has to work hard and even run errands, etc. that I would normally do. It got so bad last year that I could not go anywhere for more that an hour before becoming completely worn out. I didn’t know what was going on. I thought perhaps it was my ovaries creating hormonal fluctuations. My OBGYN ordered an abdominal and pelvic ct. the only abnormality was an extremely large paraesophygeal hiatal hernia. This hernia was lying on my vagus nerve which affects everything in your body. I had the hernia repaired, and I am slowly getting better health wise. I feel so alone, because I have nobody really to talk to ever. How do you find friends? Everyone my age have small children and are so busy with kids that they have no time for me. I have little family. I am an only child, and my father has passed away. My mom, who has always been healthy, was just diagnosed with sever COPD. I am finding myself riddled with panic attacks and I am paralyzed with fear. I can’t lose my mom. I am so sad. I just wish that I had at least one good friend to spend time with. I hope things get better for everyone. Feeling lonely is the worst of all.

  67. Karen says:

    How I identified with your blog! So many of the things you said I have experienced. I’m not alone! That has been truly affirming.

  68. Karen says:

    This website has been such a godsend to me. I have dealt with depression for the last 30 years. I had major depression, but got a handle on it. I have periods of normalcy and then a down period, a roller coaster type of existence. I have been feeling hopeless. I have no friends and feel like a freak sometimes. I wonder what I do to drive them away. I had friends in school and college, but have found it hard to make new friends. After reading other people’s stories, I feel validated. I’m not the only one who is going through this. I have no one to talk to so this has been encouraging. I must say that my faith has helped me survive. I couldn’t have made it through without help from God.

  69. Imogen says:

    I feel crazy for even writing this, but the loneliness I feel every day is killing me. When I was a child, teen, and young adult I had many many friends. Friends that I would stay up late talking to on the phone, went to parties with, sat a lunch with, etc. Back then I had what most people would consider the perfect social life. Girls and guys loved being around me, and I could basically date whoever I wanted without any problems. I also had a great relationship with my brothers, and my entire family really.

    Then, when I was 22, I came down with a terrible mystery illness. I had to quit college, I was in and out of the hospital for years, saw every specialist know to man… yet they could never find anything wrong with me. I spent every day in terrible burning pain, I couldn’t eat or sleep. Eventually, I began turning a weird pale blue/grey color, I weighed 98 lbs, lost a lot of my hair, broke out in rashes, and couldn’t eat anything without feeling like someone was stabbing me. I remember it taking me a hour to get to the bathroom one night. I just lied down in the hallway crying, it was too much pain to handle.

    During this time, I almost everything. My friends all moved on in life without me. We were all in our early to mid-twenties then. I know some of them cared, but what were they really supposed to do to help me? They were busy with college, meeting new people, going to parties, getting jobs, getting married and having kids. They didn’t have time to sit with the old, worn out friend. They didn’t want to see it, to feel it. My family did not handle this well at all. I remember over hearing them talking one night. They were saying that, “it has to psychological. They haven’t found anything wrong with her. I think she might be a hypochondriac.” They all agreed with this statement, and treated me like a joke after that. I was just the “crazy girl”. I never got help from them ever again. They just overlooked all of it after that.

    Around that time I became hateful, spiteful, self loathing, and suicidal. I lost everything that made me, me. I would often think of how great things had been before all of this, and then I would sit in utter hatred. I would think, “I was such a good person before, but this illness, these people have taken that from me.” I felt like an empty shell of nothingness. Eventually, I floated across the planet like a ghost. I could be around anyone, but I was never send or heard. It was like being nonexistent, but being able to freely watch and listen to the world whenever I wanted to. I even bought a charm bracelet with a single ghost charm on it to remind me of what I was now. At that point it didn’t matter if my illness killed me or not, I was already dead.

    After years of this, I found a new doctor that knew what was wrong with me the moment he saw me. He did tests to make sure, of course, but he was right all along. He knew exactly how to fix me and told me, “it’ll be a couple of years, but you will be exactly the way you were before.” And that was half true. Suddenly, I had hope. All that I had gone through, all that I had lost would be but a memory in a couple of years. I was thrilled. I did everything this man told me to do. I slept, ate, and breathed when he told me to. And in a couple of years, as if by some weird magic, at the age of 27 my body was restored.

    My mind, however, was a shredded mess. I would go out into the world expecting that everything would go as it had before “the illness.” But what I found was horrifying. My old friends and my family still treated me like a psycho or an idiot. Even though I had proof that I was not crazy and that I did indeed have a medical condition, they just brushed it aside. Not missing a beat, I decided, “well, I don’t need these jerks. People love me and I’ll just find new friends.” So I went back out into the world and you know what… people don’t love me anymore. They really don’t. And I don’t blame them. Because the truth is, the person that was sick is dead. Dead as dead can be. And now, there’s a new person living in her body. I don’t even know how to describe who she is. But I hate her. She’s selfish and self-righteous, she’s emotionally needy but nastily independent, she’s cynical and negative. Sure she hides under the facade of a nice, normal, happy person. After all, she had a lot of practice being a loveable social butterfly. But this mentally destroyed person comes out eventually. Self important verbal vomit pours from her mouth, her looks are steely and nasty, and her smiles and laughs are sickeningly fake.

    I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be this person! I’m like a terrible emotional vampire and I know why people hate me. But, I can’t fix this. The only time I’m a good person is when I’m alone. I draw and color, I watch funny movies and documentaries, I cook and clean, take care of myself, and I’m positive and happy. I have hobbies, I read (a lot), exercise, and meditate. I am so happy when I’m alone. I’m even secretly a nice person. Every night, before I go to bed, I get out the phone book. I close my eyes, flip through the pages, and put my finger on the page. Whatever address is under my finger I write on an envelope. Then I close my eyes again and think. I think about who this person that lives at that address might be. Then, I just start writing. I write about their life and what they might be going through. I tell them that they are not alone, that someone that has never met them cares, that they’ll be okay. I write other thing too, but only about them, nothing about me. Then I seal it and throw it in the mail box. And every time I do it I say in my heart, “I hope this helps you.” It’s the only time I ever truly feel like myself.

    What is wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal again? I feel damaged beyond repair and feel that I’m only good in the world when I’m writing anonymous letter to strangers. I don’t know how much longer I can be two people living in the same body. No matter what I do, I’m always living a lie. I feel like I’m trapped in my own body, in some never ending crazy nightmare. How can someone be so full or wonder and love, yet be so hateful and disconnected?

    • Imogen says:

      Sorry for all the typos. I should have read it before posting, but I’m on a phone.

    • Jeremy says:

      I live in Australia & my oldest child, who works for a supermarket has a saying of “F^ck ’em”. I think for most people, the process of developing your own identity is probably implicit – it just happens as you follow your interests. But what happens if you have a traumatic experience? This is where you’re forced to change against your will. That leads to a lot cognitive dissonance & not surprisingly thru it, potential depression, anxiety & Bipolar (yep, I’ve seen it all over the last 20 years with both my wife & I). It seems that the harder you try to retain / re-establish your old identity, the worse it gets. That’s why the saying “F*ck ’em” is sometimes so good. The difficult consequence of a traumatic experience is knowing & accepting where it leaves you. You (really me projecting) see a huge barrier between you & your old friends as them being normal & not you. Are you abnormal because of your experiences or normal for someone who has had “abnormal” experiences? By saying you’re abnormal & ostracised, you’re beating yourself up. I used to do this after coming to Australia, finding that I couldn’t get a job in anything related to my qualifications & experience, then having to take a job alongside newly released convicts to get into the job market. My wife developed clinical depression / now bipolar & I had a family to feed. For years, people just told me I was wierd – until I slowly stated to meet people who had exactly the same types of experience. Just this week, an Australian research group made headlines with the finding that discrimination costs the Australian government more than smoking. This won’t make any difference to my life, I’m sure, but it does say “Believe in yourself, eventually you’ll find people who appreciate you. The big thing is to not let the experience embitter you – & that’s quite a feat!

    • Tilly says:

      Imogen, I read your post with tears as oh I hear you so loud and clear. I can feel everything you wrote as I’ve experienced exactly the same things, except a little different with the physical as I have pain from a car accident, so much incredible off the charts pain.

      From all the things that have happened in my life I feel I am so broken beyond repair, I cry and actually tell myself you are broken….that word upsets me so much. Oh boy I try to be positive I really do but feel I’m also trapped, to be honest I sometimes just want to be alone, I go for long hikes in the wilderness and that’s actually where I’m the happiest, I feel I cannot function in life, I don’t feel “normal” and I don’t want to be like a lot of people anyway!! they are not nice!

      I’ve often thought do I just live like a hermit as life hurts me so much I can’t stand it.

      I’ve suffered from depression since about age 19, my family did not understand and I was treated like I was nuts…yet they drank, did drugs…I never said a word but they all hated me.

      I don’t want to be this person, for years I just smiled, said everything was fine, oh boy is that draining!! I’m just done with that!

      I also feel SO disconnected, it frightens me, I want a lively, productive life, but feel it will never happen as something is wrong with me. There’s this overwhelming feeling of I’m not normal.

      Just want to say I totally understand and wish I had advice, I’m told just go out in to the world and it’ll be okay but it’s not, I don’t feel okay.
      Sending you big hugs….

  70. JG says:

    So is it comfort I find that so many other people seem to be in a situation similar to mine? Or is it cynicism from reading so many confirmations that life really is an endlessly deep sh–hole?

    I have come to believe the latter.

    I think most people who are expressing themselves here are reaching out for someone or something to save them. I used to be among that number. However, I realize that there is no such thing as hope. I have learned that it is useless even to try any more.

    I used to dream. Not any more.

    I used to see something for tomorrow. Not any more.

    I used to create. Not any more. Just not worth it. Nobody cares unless they’re going to profit from it in some way.

    So basically I have slipped beyond depression. Beyond self hate. Beyond hopelessness.

    I have finally realized that only bad things happen whenever I am involved. The world is affected in a net negative way because I am in it. And frankly, suicide would result in doing the world a favor. I wouldn’t be using any more oxygen, and at least my ashes might provide something fertile to result perhaps in something good — a tree, or a crop maybe.

    So I have officially slipped beyond worthlessness to believing I have a net negative worth to the world and that offing myself would actually therefore be a positive thing.

    When God stops wanting you, there’s nothing left.

    • jeremy says:

      eeh ug JG

      I know this language & have been thru some of it. Had to keep going in an utterly surreal existence to bring up the kids. Perhaps one thing you can learn from depression is a whole new world view – though it’s a really painful process. Depressed people can be real bastards to themselves (like you’re being above) – when they need to be kinder to themselves. If you’re beyond self hate & hopelessness, you’re in a great place for dumping a lot of unnecessary shoulds & musts. After all, if you have such a negative value, will I ever read of you as some demonic mastermind in the newspaper? I doubt it. The real demons don’t suffer from depression & when they’re knocked down, they bounce right back – apparently a characteristic of psychopaths.

    • Janet says:

      I am truly sorry you feel this way, although I my self knows what it can feel like but sometimes we just have to keep moving. I know right now there doesn’t seem to be hope and everything seems pointless but it will get better, life is not perfect as much as we want to believe but we do have to believe that we are here for a reason and you my friend have value and purpose, you might not know what it is right me but you will, find the courage within yourself to shake off the demons and come back… It’s an awful thing to think that suicide is the answer, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I live with that everyday since my brother made that decision, please don’t! It’s go be to be okay, maybe not today or tomorrow but it will get better! Good luck.

    • C. Marshall says:

      I am atheist so I don’t think God doesn’t want me. I do believe heavily in reincarnation ( long story about my young son who changed my life forever). But everything you said is ME EXACTLY. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. NOT FOR ME, my kids, my family, my husband. I spend most every day in bed. I rarely get dressed or put on makeup ( trust me-that is not the person anyone knew or even I know. I feel useless, worthless, unneeded. Why am I here. My husband cannot understand at all. I am beyon MDD. NOTHING GIVES ME JOY. SADLY NOT EVEN MY 2 children husband, family. Or any hobby or activity I once did. I used to be materialistic, vain about my appearance in public. Now I do not care 1 iota about anything. I don’t clean, cook, take care of the kids a lot, I rarely shower or shave. I just don’t care about me any more. This has been much more than a year. I see a psychiatrist, psychologist( not anymore). Take 2 ant depressants and many anti anxiety pills. Nothing helps. I’ve tried meditation and positive thinking. Nothing. Works. I just don’t think I am needed here anymore. I am more than depressed. I am done. Not suicidal yet. But i give in. Give up. Done.

    • Lucy says:

      Ditto, JG, worded perfectly!! Let me add only one thing, please. I have finally been moved recently by understanding that the the only true reason for our existence is to help others get through. And from that a relationship is formed based on trust and kindness (aka. love) and you find yourself with a friend and then another either by your effort to help another or by the your new friend’s effort and then amazingly you begin a world of people you know (aka. Life) that provides love and care because the relationships were all begun with caring for another. Hug to you

  71. Janet says:

    I have been so depressed for about 4 years now, I’ve lost my mother and my brother a year apart and I felt bad for about 4 years, now I thought I had my life back together but it seems to come back, I feel depressed and lonely and as I can’t find anyone to talk to including my spouse, it seems to bother him when I tell him I feel sad. I have moved so I lost my friends but I can’t seem to make new ones, I know people but I can’t seem to build close relationships with others, that’s where feeling lonely comes in, I know I have issues but I’m genuinely a nice person but it gets me nowhere, I have a husband and a family and everything is great but in my personal life just me, I feel like I can’t go on sometimes how can someone’s life be so depressing, I spend days just sitting here at home and mostly sleeping because u have no one to do anything with and I know that can’t be right but what choice do I have, I believe I’m hitting rock bottom and I can’t go on anymore like this, please help.

    • Jeremy says:


      you may not approve of this idea, but go & see a good psychic. They won’t know you & should be able to tell you odd things about you & your deceased relatives. This is a proof that there is an afterlife & your relatives inevitably will tell you that they are happy there. NB this does not mean you can commit suicide. I’d guess your husband feels confronted by & incapable of confronting your emotions. Depressed people’s emotions are trying & can wear one out emotionally. I find just expressing myself on this site & hopefully helping others meaningful. One thing about this blog is that you’re communicating with others with similar concerns & your experiences are or have been often been their’s. I think when you go looking for friends as an immediate objective, you don’t find them. You have to do it as a happy person would – pursue an interest without worrying about whether you’re good at it & let people come to you. This is easier said than done when the immediate emotion is a huge lump of bile.When you’re depressed, you want everyone to love you first up, but I don’t think that’s the way it works. Two things you haven’t mentioned are whether you’re on anti-depressants or using counselling. They definitely can work, but aren’t magic wands. Next, tho this is probably the last thing you feel like, I’d say you need a reward system to get you to start doing little jobs – to help you get going – perhaps a motivation poster then a list of little jobs that you can tick off. You really need help to do this. At least, until you start on anti-depressants, drink St Johns Wort tea. What you’re expressing is an awareness of the big divide between your head & your heart. What you know on some level you should be doing & what you want to / are doing. A good therapist & medication are probably the best cures.

      • Janet says:

        No, I’m not on anti depressants I stopped taking those years ago as they were not helping me, I don’t think about suicide as much as I used to initially because I know what that can do to a family considering that is how I lost my brother. But, I do thank you for the advice and I will consider medication again since I’ve been feeling this way for a while now and haven’t really done anything about it

        • jeremy says:

          Hi Janet

          my wife has been on anti depressants / anti psychotics / mood stabilizers for 15 years. I don’t want to belittle those who say that these don’t work. My wife’s medications are frequently changed as the psychiatrist tries to find something that leads to “Breakthrough” – if that’s still the goal. If she is off medication or on a bad one, she’s impossible. If the psychiatrist hits it right, she’s great & I become the problem. One has to have emotional defenses when living with a crabby depressant. Then when they’re in a good mood, one’s own conditioning can be all inappropriate. I wonder also to what degree the person on medication is aware of the effects of anti depressants on them. Also, when people say that they don’t work, I wonder whether those people are using a GP or a good psychiatrist ie whether they are using someone who is actively managing their medication in a well considered way. The problems for the depressed person include knowing who is good – they’re all experts (until they stuff up with you – and of course that’s never happened before) & secondly managing the experts takes energy that you may very well feel you do not have. So, my limited experience says medication increases the odds of making you feel better and therapy can also help. – to the point that they take my wife from not functioning (driving us bankrupt) to holding down a job. It’s a big difference!

    • C. Marshall says:

      Janet ,
      You are not alone. I am exactly the same. No pleasures. Not even from my young children. Not even vacations or spas ( which used to be my favorite). Just a sinking depressive darkness. I stay in bed all day. I rarely get dressed and / makeup. It takes ALL MY ENERGY TO DO JUST THAT. I am friendless because I am a shut in. I stopped returning texts and calls years ago. I’m astranged from my side of the family except my younger brother. ( with really good reason … Toxic people)!! I’m afraid I will wither away in my dark cave of a room. My anxiety flies to top notch if I go out and try to socialize with just MY 2 YOUNG BOYS AND HUSBAND. ON klonipin/ Valium alternating because of tolerance. But nothing helps. Feel like I just am an extra piece in this world.

      • Janet says:

        Although you feel this way, I’m sure your family still needs you specially your children, you might not see that now but can you imagine them growing up withouth you, I think about my kids all the time and how they would be affected if I ever gave in, they keep me going

  72. Billy says:

    Every since I was a teenager I only had a few friends. Over the years even those friends drifted away as our lives diverged and we all approached our 30’s. Around the time of me starting to have no friends at all, I started to become very promiscuous. I’d never really been confident around women before, without drugs and alcohol anyway, but suddenly I became very good at it. Obviously, without really thinking about it, losing my few friends forced me to find company in other ways. So this is how I lived my life into my late twenties to mid thirties – women here, there and everywhere. Sounds like fun, right? Really my problems started then. I’d become infatuated easily and desperately wanted to be loved back, even if it was only for a few months, weeks or even one night. There was a lot of ups and downs and emotional turmoil, and a lot of people came into and left my life. My life was like a revolving door. Then I met someone I really loved and who really loved me. We were together for 6 years and I was as happy as it is possible to be but the relationship broke down and she ended things in cruel circumstances and was absolutely rotten to me afterwards, spreading lies about me and taking every opportunity to wound me. I still don’t know why she treated me like that after we had both been so happy for 95% of the last 6 years, I adored her and she was my life. Even after everything that happened I still loved her and still do love her. Really if you asked me if I could have anything in the world, it would be to have her in my arms, even if it was for a one single minute. So now I was in my 40’s, heartbroken and completely alone. For two whole years I sat alone in a room and cried, I had absolutely no one in the world and was utterly distraught. Eventually I started to see other women again but none interested me. I had no feelings for them, not even sexual feelings. They utterly bored me and if anyone seemed to like me, I was rotten to them and hated them for it. I knew I was taking out my anger with my ex partner on them and that it wasn’t fair, also I was scared to be let down again. So I went back to being heart broken, depressed and alone. I’m in my mid 40’s now and I don’t see any hope in the future. I recently lost my job because my depression effected my performance. Now I don’t even have work to take my mind off things, or people to talk to in the office. Every day is so long and so completely silent. Nothing distracts me from my misery for more than a few minutes and I feel as if it is inevitable that I will become homeless or a suicide. I don’t know how my life has turned out this way. I bet people who know me wouldn’t even suspect how it really is and on the one or two occasions when I thought I had made a real new friend, and told them about how I really am, they quickly disappear, they can’t cope with it or just aren’t interested. No one cares and I feel as if I’m too old and exhausted now to every get out of this.

    • Henry says:

      Hey man I would be your friend or at least in here,I am not weird or anything but ruined my last relationship with my depression and my outbursts and inconsideration of one of the best girls I;ve eve met,The first few years was amazing i was truly happy in most ways though no great job,just took what I could to keep afloat.She was great,but became remote due to my selfishness and my musical talent and ego getting in the way. Now she may be dying and wants nothing at all to do with me not even her family or friends

      If you want to get in touch man I wouldn’t mind.
      I ‘ll leave the ball in your court


  73. Thendo Mahafha says:

    I am a 17 year old. I live in south africa, i am doing grade 12 this year. But , my whole teenage years i have being suffering from anxiety and depression . It started when i was in france with my family which was way way worse back then. Since i got back in south africa , it;s a lot better but i am suffering from a severe depression right now. Nobody knows that i am depressed because i keep it to myself . I feel hopless, i cannot do anything , i have no self confidance and when i am out there i pretend i am okay because that’s what everyone does. I cannot leave the house, i overeat in a day and negative thoughts are going through my head all day long. I wish i someone knew how i feel , because i am sick and tired of this illness. I cannot do anything i enjoy , i want to get better but it’s so hard to go out when you are depressed .Everyone around you is so happy, laughing and i feel like nobody cares about me. I know for sure , depression runs in my family ……

    • Karen says:

      Have you talked to someone about how you are feeling…a relative, counselor from your school, someone from a faith community or even a therapist in your city? You need to talk to someone! You can’t keep living like this. Remember you have people here who support you.

  74. Bb says:

    My wife has been having an affair for a few months now. We just had our first first child together less than nine months ago. She since moved out, and and doesnt show any remorse for breaking up our once happy home. I still love and miss her very much. I sit in our marital home now dark, unkempt, and lonely beyond belief. I’ve haven’t any friends and never get to see my baby daughter. Depression has been setting in and I’m scared.

    • Anthony says:

      That’s got to be tough, unbelievably tough. I can’t begin to imagine the things going through your mind. Take your life back though, whatever it takes take it back now! We have to keep moving or we get left behind.

    • Nicole says:

      Prayer helps Bb. Sorry your going through this💜

    • C. Marshall says:

      Dear Bb.
      None of this is your fault. NONE. your wife is a narcissistic person. That is untreatable with meds. But you are not. Get to a psychiatrist and psychologist ASAP!!! Please don’t dismiss me. Get on meds ( psychiatrist). The psychologist is for psychotherapy or just to talk, listen, and give you advice if you ask. Next, which I hope you’ve already done: get the best family/ divorce attorney you can afford. Trust me it’s worth it. Depending on the state you live in depends on custody and alimony and child support. In FL, if you are a fit parent ( father or mother i.e. No drugs alcohol etc…) custody is split 50 50!!!!! And the key years of marriage for any any type of alimony is 11, yes 11 years of marriage. If under that she is shit out of luck. All marital asserts presuming no prenup- are split 50 50 too. So stop the depression. Get your baby back, at least 50%!!! And do NOT TALK TO HER, serving the papers must catch her off guard. Trust me. I am an expert in this field. A depressed person yes😉, but I know exactly what I am talking about. Find out the laws of your state ASAP. WAKE UP SNAP OUT OF IT. WITH A WOMAN LIKE THAT YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS YOU? Understand? I’m sorry I’m being harsh but this is SITUATIONAL DEPRESSION YOU CAN FIX!!! Please let me know😀👍🏻

  75. Jack says:

    I’m 57 years old. I have worked at a job for 30 years. I’ve have not been happy since I was a child. I have no friends. I have no extended family that I know very well (Thousands of miles away.) My wife doesn’t want to hear me talking about my problems so I say, “I’m fine” an awful lot. This is to avoid being criticized for being “so negative all the time.” Sometimes she offers deep, insightful advice like, “Just go meet some people” or “Just get a new job.” This pisses me off to the point I’d like to push her face into a wall. I have no professional network. I have a bullshit degree from a bullshit university. I’ve always taken the easy way out because I’m a lazy useless shithead. Nothing is “fun.” I saw a doctor about this. that was a waste of time because the asshole is using his medical degree to write prescriptions. No talking. No therapy. Just fucking pills and a new prescription every 60 days. I’m angry and alienated and have given up on just about everything except my dogs. Having said that and to answer your final question, I don’t “reach out” because people are untrustworthy assholes that are only concerned with themselves and who will throw your sorry ass under the bus at the first inkling of something that makes them uncomfortable. Or they might do it for their amusement. Who cares? Why should I tell anyone my problems? 95 percent of them don’t give a shit and the other 5 percent are glad it’s you and not them. I hope you all die in a fire, actually.

    • June says:

      What can I say Jack-I have often had the same feelings
      Friends do let you down and I do despair of finding a kindred spirit in life.
      I have a wonderful husband who is my rock
      and I hang on to this throughout all the
      I expect your dogs adore you!
      Thinking of you and sending good wishes

    • Nancy says:

      You know, today I so feel like you do here. I even go to a support group that when you call them if they call you back at all there is no support. I feel as if it the loses club. I try and try and fight alone. No one gets what I’m going through other than other people going through bipolor depression. I feel so alone!

  76. Sad Guy says:

    I’m 23 years old, live with my parents, and I often feel pretty depressed over not having any friends. Since I was young I have struggled with trying to connect with people. I was never that close to anyone in high school and when I started college I never had any friends and barely spoke to people. I would just go to school for classes and then go home. I got poor grades and ended up dropping out but have since re-enrolled.

    I am also a closeted gay person which has made my depression a lot worse since I am not out to anyone in my family and don’t even have any friends that I could hide this from. Recently I got a crush on a guy in college who probably doesn’t even know I exist. It is hard not to think about him and know that once the classes I am taking are done, I will probably never see him again.

    Other than school, I have a part-time retail job though where I have been trying to talk a little more, but I still struggle with this. What makes things worse for me is that I don’t have many interests which makes me pretty boring and awkward to talk too. My humor is also pretty bad in that I don’t really have any at all. If you can’t joke around and are serious all the time, making friends will be just that much harder. I also talk so little that I don’t sound natural when I speak, so people think I can’t speak English even though that is the only language I know…

    My story might not sound all that bad to others, but for me, I am just pretty depressed.

    Sometimes I just wish I was never born.

    • C. Marshall says:

      Never say you wish you had never been born. That in itself is an insult to your parents those who love you and anyone who ha tried to help you along the way. Disrespect is another way to feel self pity. Sorry I am being blunt but I’m just trying to show you the reverse side Sad Guy. I was a teacher for 18 years until my MS ( multiple sclerosis ) got sooo bad I had to quit and get disability (1/10 Th of my pay😢). But life is tough. It is not going to hand you ANYTHING AT ALL. WHATEVER YOU NEED OR WANT YOU YES YOU MUST GO GET OR AT LEAST TRY. From the sound of your issues it reminds me of 3 students I had. Exactly the same symptoms. Aspergers. Yes. It is an EXTREMELY MILD form of autism. Bill Gates has it!!!! You really need screened ASAP. PLEASE. MY husband is also a pediatrition. When young, was is difficult to make friends- or did you just not feel the need? Like 1st , 2nd , 3rd grades or so did you HATE GROUP WORK? Maybe still do? Did you talk to yourself under your breath( optional symptom). Did you play alone, no friends? No idea or even caring about it AT THAT AGE? That is Aspergers symptoms. Were you particularly good at 1 subject only when YOUNG? Now you can’t or have trouble connecting on other’s emotional levels. That is why it is hard and may be impossible to make new friends. Hard to keep jobs- even EYE CONTACT FOR LONG. Sound familiar? As far as you gay friend, so what? I have gay friends, black friends, my best friend is from India! We are all 1. And no, I am not a religious person at all. Quite the opposite actually. I just really think from experience your depression has a lot more to do with your condition than just depression alone. Don’t get me wrong, it does and will cause depression, but you need to like I said see a neurologist ASAP FOR AN EVALUATION – leave out nothing. Be honest for your sake. You are here for a reason. You just have not found it yet! For goodness sakes your 23!!! I’m 42!! I have twice the life experience than you. And also inside knowledge. Knowledge that your parents should have picked up on by the 2nd or 3 rd grade. But like I said it is extremely mild. It is a completely functional form of autism– most experts agree that Einstein had it too. It really affects socially. Which then effects the rest of you like a downward spiral. Please don’t let this go on another day, especially if you have insurance. Also, no promises, but you would qualify for disabled. Which isn’t much, but they still allow you to goto school or work! PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK WITH RESULTS. I AM SOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU I FORGOT HOW DEPRESSED I AM!

  77. Henry says:

    At least you have a devoted wife. I have been cheated on now by 11 different women and though incredibly lonely,I am now scared to death of women. No0one can run into the ‘wrong types of girl’ eleven separate times. I am even more petrified of ending up along as I am now just 53 and feel I want to die in my sleep. Nothing changes and I end up back with my parents every time I break up with a girl and I also end up broke.

    I see no way out of this repeating cycle and nobody cares, I know lots of people but nobody calls to ask how I am.

    This life is sheer hell !

    • Kathy says:

      You sound like me a very lonely person at 56 spend most time with my mother but I miss having a man to enjoy a meal with.i to wish I was never born, my neighbors are just that neighbors no friends no life but work and that’s part time with seniors so no one to connect to

  78. Alisa says:

    Well living back at home with my parents I’m 46 suffer from PTSD, depression. Also just found out I hv stage 4 kidney failure. After being the victim of a crime I had to move back home back to a city that I hate and I’m living with parents that are emotionally abusive, and my doctor has said my environment is not conducive for healing.
    Im receive SSDI and I hv no children. No friends and I’m so confused as where to start, or how to do it. Especially when everyday from the timerror I get up until I go to bed negative and mental abuse from my parents. My mom charges me 500 every month which is why I can’t move out. Just writing this I sound and feel like a loser. I feel it’s too late for me too late for love, anything. I just pray that anyone else that feels like this will overcome the pain.

    • Nicole says:

      Alisa you dont have friends you can confide in? With all you have going on, I see how it can be overwhelming and make you feel stuck… you don’t know how to carry on. But you can! Where are you from? What different community programs do they have out there?

  79. Jared says:

    I’m Jared, 17, and frankly depressed. A few weeks back I lost the girl of my dreams. She was my first real “best friend” and the first person I could really talk to about how I felt. I lost my dad 4 years ago in 2011 right after I “graduated” 6th grade. Up until her I hid in my room, playing computer games, making music, and trying to avoid the pain. I dated her for a year, lost everything across the board to this girl and honestly cared for her more than anything else in the whole world. She was my world and I know that we probably wouldn’t get married (although honestly during the time I wasn’t opposed to it after years of dating and us both getting through college and successfully being together) and I knew we probably would end up breaking up. Unfortunately one day I woke up and she was gone. It’s complicated, and we had our issues but we were always there for each other and now she is gone. Since then she had really opened the gates and gotten me out of my room and into the world and now everything is hitting me at once. At first I didn’t have any friends and I was able to make them back however her friends are my friends and because most of my friends are females they of course pick her side and I end up with no one. My guy friends are few; I go to a k-12 school with 500 kids in all, 125 in the highschool wing, and 50 in my class. Most i’ve known since first grade. My guy friends aren’t very interested in a relationship and just want to fuck or party. I’m a pot head, I smoke daily either weed or a vape pen. The past few weeks I have barely been to school. I sleep most of my days away. I find it hard to look anywhere without remembering my ex, or my father. In a lot away I feel flawed. A few weeks back I took pills to try to end my life. I ended up in the hospital the next day and spent the next 20 hours in a locked room waiting to be talked to and evaluated. Since then pills have basically been locked away from me (for good reason) and some nights I find myself sitting in my closet with a rope around my neck wishing I had the courage to drop or kick a chair out from underneath me. It’s the the solution, and unfortunately it’s what my brain turns to in all situations. My father hung himself and that is always in the back of my mind so whenever anything upsets me goes wrong or I feel like I did something wrong my first thought is to end my life. I’m not a very active person, I broke my arm snowboarding a year ago and just had surgery and finally got the ok to go and be active again but I can’t find the courage to do so. Talking to people at the moment doesn’t feel like an option because I’m a very “locked” away kind of person. Meaning I don’t let someone in unless I trust them and feel they can truly help me. The only person i’ve ever really let in being my ex. Now I’m faced with all these issues and do not know where to turn to. I’m on anti-depressents, just got put on even harder more fast acting one’s for when I go down hill quick and even then those don’t seem to be working. I have people that want to reach out to me and I understand that but it’s not that simple because of who I am. I never really learned to be that type of person I’m used to sitting in my room playing games. Not talking about my feelings or having feelings. Infact up until last year when I met my girlfriend I hadn’t cried in 4 years because of the pure fact that when my dad past I got into a mind set of, it’s done there is nothing I can do.
    Frankly I’m not sure why i’m posting this, maybe because I just want to put it out there. I’m see’ing a therapist, and everyone is aware of my issues but it’s an internal battle that i’m struggling with. I often find myself every other day looking at the best way’s to kill yourself. Infact I could probably give you the quickest ways to kill yourself with the best possible chance of success with the least amount of “lets say wait time” until your death. I’ve tried posting on places like Reddit, unfortunately don’t get any comments. I know people care, and I know I have potential and I realize I need to move through this but without someone there that I can TRULY trust I can’t move forward.

    Thanks for reading, good luck to you all,

    • Anthony says:

      What’s up Jared, man you’ve gone through a lot for a seventeen year old. I hope things get easier for you bud. Please don’t kill yourself. Time heels man.

    • veronica says:


      Im sorry that you are dealing with this. Its taking me so long to figure out what to say because i dont want to say anything that turns your issue into mine. I will just say that you are not alone! I’m glad you are seeing a therapist….I’ve been saying forever that i need to see someone but never actually do it. Please find a way to be happy with yourself because until you do that you will never be happy with anybody. Only you can take control of your life, nobody can do it for you. Maybe if i loved myself i wouldnt be in a relationship of 9 years with someone who is just toxic himself…dont put yourself in my position. Be with someone for love and not to fill the void of loneliness or depression.

      • Jared says:

        I have to say when I was with this girl, I was in love with her and she helped me love myself but because I never did that before her it’s hard to find the path to love myself like I did when I was a little kid.

        Everyone here is very nice and I have no Idea what you are going through Veronica, but be proactive about your own issue’s and take the initiative to moving towards a happier life style.

    • Tracy says:

      I’m in Colorado if you ever need anything. & phone friends can be a step to something right?

    • C. Marshall says:

      Jared ,
      This is — I know you have heard this a million times now —
      Sorry very very very common for teen girls and boys! Your 1 st true love NEVER leaves you. My heart was broken when I was 16. We dated 1 1/2 years. He was my first for everything and viva versa. I didn’t want to breath without him. He was my first call in the morning and last at night ( and I’m older, NO CELL PHONES THEN!!!!). He was a year older than me. He couldn’t afford a car, so when I turned 16 I let him drop me off at school and pick
      Me up so he felt better about himself. I was SELF SACRIFICING. I.E. CODEPENDENT. No of course I did not know that then. One day I went to his house after school and he WAS GONE! His sister said he packed up in the middle of the night, had his 1/2 brother who he never met pick him up and take him to Tennessee. !?!?!?!? This had to have been planned obviously. I thought I was dying. Literally. Couldn’t breath. Heart crazy. Dizzy. Passed out. Couldn’t stop crying or shaking. In utter disbelief he would do this to me. We never even fought! After my mom came, the sister told us her phone was turned off. He left no address no phone number. Nothing. ( single horrible poor& cheap adopted dad). So no way to reach him at ALL😢. I sat crying by my phone 24/7. Didn’t eat or drink for soo many days I was hospitalized. Saw a psychiatrist and psychologist. Got on anti anxiety and anti depressants. Still waited by the phone every day for years. No closure. No goodbye. No explanation ???? I heard he met a red girl got married after4. Yes 4 days. Joined the air force and the 2 of them moved to Alaska!?!?! I had to go back to a counselor after this news. What was wrong with me? Am I unlovable? Soo unimportant unworthy of any bye or reasons? Married after 4 days?!?! Heartbreak can feel like your dying. I never cried so much in 1 year as I did then. But sweetie. I am 42. I met my husband at 18! We have 2 beautiful boys ages 13 and 9. We’ve gone to college. Got careers. Traveled the us and all of the carribean. Bought our dream home, then after 10 years we had kids. Now we have it all. We can afford to give them anything if we wanted or take them anywhere. Next month we are ( alone!) going to Rome and Venice Italy for our anniversary. WHATS MY POINT YOU SAY????? EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. YOU WONT KNOW IT FOR A LONG TIME. BUT ITS TRUE. I SM A LIVING EXAMPLE. IF I WOULD HAVE MARRIED MY “first love”. I’d be living in the sticks of Tennessee in a run down trailer. With 3 kids, while he drank every night. That’s what he does now—- to his 3rd WIFE!!!! Karma. Sweet karma. Always comes. So take antidepressants and anti anxiety pills to get through this. “This is but a moment in your young life”….. So don’t do anything stupid. You might mess with your real future. This girl didn’t deserve you. You’ll see. Yes she brought you out of your shell. But honey there are more girls than guys out there chances are forever in your favor! Good luck. Please don’t have made me write all this in vain! I am disabled (multiple sclerosis – MS) and extremely depressed myself with high anxiety. But your story I lived through. A smart person learns from their own mistakes, BUT AN INTELLIGENT ONE LEARNS FROM OTHERS MISTAKES! Please email me to keep me up to date you have my anxiety through the roof! I wish I was talking to you in person and ACTUALLY GETTING THROUGH TO YOU! Please email me. Or if it’s unavailable text back and I’ll give it. My support and heart to you👍🏻❤️😊 CM

      • Jared says:

        I’m sorry to hear about your what happened to you when you were younger. I can not even imagine how that felt.
        As of right now I’m doing ok. I know each stage in your life is different and I accept that I guess it’s just hard to see the future when you have to live through a present time that you don’t want to live through.

        • C. Marshall says:

          I hope you are really doing alright now. Are you taking medication? Or seeing any sort of therapist? Please highs and lows will come and go What if you are on a high point. You seem smart. Please be aware of your emotions. Never let it get to the point of suicidal thinking. Tell someone immediately if you have any urges. And for your ex. STAY AWAY. NO TALK NO FRIENDSHIP. NO STALKING TRY NOT TO THINK. GIVE ALL AND ANY PICS, NOTES ETC.. To your mom to hide. Or stash them in the attic for when your an adult. Stay in touch. Time is the ONLY. ONLY. thing that can heal you.
          My best thoughts. CM

  80. B says:

    I’m 33 years old.. still living with my mother, and now her husband. I work part time and I’m trying my best to get through college so that.. hopefully, I will be able to find a decent paying job and move out on my own. I have.. literally no friends. I used to count my mother as my friend, but a few months ago she met her old high school sweet heart and they got married. Now he lives here, and I’m the outsider in what, for 11 years, was my home. I do suffer from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I’m not physically fit, and I don’t think I’m really all that pretty aside from that. I can socialize enough to keep a job, but apparently making friends is outside of my abilities. People at work are generally pleasant enough to me, but I’m never asked to go out after work, or to be friends on Facebook, or anything of the sort. I was bullied all through school, and typically only had one or two friends at a time.

    My younger sister is married and has two boys.. she moved out when she was 19. She wasn’t prepared for moving out at all, so mom financially supported her almost completely for years. But she was allowed to get away with it, because she had children. Mom has said many times that she would never do anything to alienate her youngest daughter because she wants to see her grandchildren. Nevermind that I went into debt trying to help her when she was supporting my sister.

    I stayed to help, and I stayed because I was told I should. She always encouraged me to stay, said that it would be silly for us to both live alone. We got along really well, and I felt like I could start getting things back on track. That I could work and pay off my debt, and eventually go to school.

    And then she met this guy again. Suddenly, I’m a burden. She tells me I need to go be put on pills, I need to just do whatever they want so that we can co-exist. We had a fight and they both were yelling all kinds of horrible insults at me. They kicked me out of the house, and then got guilty enough to allow me back. That never would have happened before. Never. I don’t feel like this is my home anymore. I’m an unwelcome pest, and the only reason they don’t kick me out is they would feel guilty when I died on the streets.

    I haven’t had a boyfriend in 10 years. I joke and say I don’t want one if the subject comes up, but it’s not true. I hate being alone. But no one wants to date an overweight woman still living with her mother past age 30. Add to that the fact that I’m asexual, and my chances of finding someone to love are almost none. I’ve basically given up on that dream, but it still really blows to be the only one at gatherings that doesn’t have a plus one.

    Everyone always wants to say, it’ll get better. You’re working on it, it’ll get better. But past experience tells me it probably won’t. At best, it’ll stay relatively the same. Maybe I move out. Maybe I have a better job and a little more money. But I’m still alone.

    • Tcat says:

      Hey, i feel like that’s exactly where my life is going lol. Except I’ve never had a girlfriend. Smh, I feel you though and I got your back. You can do this :c It’s okay to feel alone. You can only be where you are right now.

  81. Diego says:

    I’ve been through all these so called analysis of my way of being. I’m jovial the life of the party people relate to me tell me their problems.Yet, none relates to me.When in groups I’m cut short of conversations no one wants to listen to my opinion about any topic. I know something is wrong about me for I’ve tried in diverse situations and it’s always the same so I live in my world and then I’ve noticed I’m asked a question when I answer short and brief then people listen.My wife rolls her eyes when I speak in public.I myself have treated from the world I am not depressed don’t have PTSD I was in Nam but I’m not agresive nor do I suffer nervousness. I’m a realist and see its better to distance oneself f Tom a world of people that a only think of themselves. Nobody wants to hear your troubles everyone has theirs.My physiologist and therapist I’ve manipulated with lies and have believed my shit.Why? Because I’m tired of me giving the answer to my problems and they say nothing.I know what people like to hear they open up to me.Yet, none really listens so I lie tell them what they like . It’s better to live your own life and reject the world around you.Live your life be one with yourself besides the world cares for itself s no time for superfluous people or gossip.Be like a rock it feels no pain be like and island it never cries.

  82. robin says:

    Reading this website, it is actually reassuring that I am not alone in my personal suffering, but also that my heart goes out to those that are suffering.

    My story is as thus. Up until I was around 11 years old, things were fine and I had a good deal of friends and I was a popular person and then I decided to go to an all boys college. That is when the trouble started.

    Since the first day, I was never accepted as a person and for the next best part of five years, I mingled only with a select group of people and even though they too were guilty of being cruel toward me, I found them to be more tolerable than others who engaged in such a cruel activity.

    I was relieved to go but annoyed I didn’t speak up about the bullying. If I had, who knows if things may have been different, but I tolerated it and I deserved so much more than what I got from college for having to cope with that and the guilty parties aren’t going to look back and have any regret about what they did, more than likely.

    The subsequent college was a little better and I managed to make some friends but again, I never really became part of any close friendships and I moved onto another college.

    I made friends with a really great guy and he too had issues which were very demanding at times but all in all, was definitely my type of person and I am annoyed this friendship came to an end as this could have been fruitful in the future but people go their separate ways after time. However, I do think about him a lot and hope he is okay as I still see him as being one of a kind and my ideal type of friend.

    Then, I took on a role at a local computer company as a student and made a few friends there, some of who I am still friends with to this day but even then (I could be wrong), I feel those friendships are kind of fizzling out but I’m not one to give up easily and try my best to keep them going. I’m not sure about their own social lives friend-wise, but I don’t think its much different to mine and we normally meet up and go to the cinema – we don’t tend to go out any more, like we used to, which is a shame, but the friendship, whilst respectful, is perhaps not quite as strong as it once was but that might be due to me and my issues with depression which have definitely changed me as a person.

    When I got a job, I didn’t really have any issues with bullying until much later on and that became intolerable but it wasn’t just me who was being attacked. It was my colleagues as well and it was a nightmare. Eventually, my line manager, who was a bully, left and two of my colleagues didn’t improve their attitude when I was on sick. I returned to work but their attitude was very poor. All this was also during an investigation where I was falsely accused of doing something I didn’t and even in the end, the deciding panel said that what was done, supposedly on my part, was not a bad thing, which infuriated me even more.

    Nevertheless, its been a rocky ride and I’ve thankfully resigned from my last job and I have no regrets as it was having a negative impact on my mental health but I have found friendships or relationships of any matter hard to come by and I can not hold down a friendship indefinitely and the same would probably be said of a relationship, should I ever get into one, which, truth be told, is unlikely. I have also suffered abuse from the fact I am a virgin and get notable abuse occasionally on public forums where I participate in a game I enjoy and seem to have an unwarranted reputation. All in all, its been pretty horrific and I’ve done nothing to warrant this attitude toward me.

    I’m not ashamed for being a different person and no matter how much it might hurt, I’ve decided that if people can’t accept me for being me, I no longer care because me being me, I know I am a good person with a good heart and nothing else matters. Any other so called failure is irrelevant. I decided you are better than any person who can willingly inflict pain upon you, whatever the reason might be, which is why I can hold my head up high but nevertheless, I do suffer from depression and it kills me to know that my life is currently going through a difficult patch.

    I never told anyone about my suffering as I feel it is something that is personal to me.

    I would appreciate any comments on this to see what your views are and anyone who is in pain right now, my heart goes out to you and if you want to talk any time, just let me know.

  83. Kira says:

    So here’s the thing I’m a 30 year woman for 3 months maybe longer I have been depressed I lost my best friend yesterday…. sucks but anywhos I’m hear to say I can relate to almost every one here. But I refuse to continue down this road so I’m writing this hoping it helps someone. Therapy step one…..
    Affirmations every day, step two
    Yoga just to start you off before doing heavy excersing, step three
    Building your dopamine levels….. dark chocolate, green tea etc……there’s alot of ways, step four
    Go outside at least for 20 mins

    All these things are heard trust me, Im there, I’m not saying this will cure you right away but I am saying it is a great start to not giving up on yourself and knowing that you will find another friend one day, but for now let’s fix you.

    I’m convincing myself of these things because yes it hurt to lose the only friend I had but I have to look forward and so does everyone else here. And last but not least yes I’m going to say it…….Pray every day for strength. Be strong. Love and peace

  84. Nia says:

    I am so happy I found this site. Its good to hear that there are people out there who have the same problems as me. I am 17 years old female and I find it so hard to talk to other people about my problems. I get depressed from not having any friends. my parents don’t even understand how I feel. when I go to school people look at me and laugh. I feel lonely and scared and I always lock myself in my room. Sometimes I miss class for weeks.

    • Samantha says:

      Don’t feel so bad nia…I was bullied and laughed at all the way up to high school to and mostly by boys….had a fight every time said something bad about me and honestly I think they were intimidated by me…but because of this I have grown to have thick skin and take wat they say and turn it to positive 12th grade I became one of the most popular student because I was smart and took no nonsense and even my looks had changed….don’t give up nia there is someone out there just like u that will grow with u and love to be ur friend

  85. April says:

    I am a 49 y/o mom of 2 grown children. I live with my husband who works third shift and I dont work. I have suffered with depression since I was 25 y/o. For the last 9 years my depression has been consistant daily. I have no friends and my kids live far away. Even when they want to talk to me I dont feel like talking due to my depression. How is it that I want friends but I dont want to talk to them. Some times I will go 3 or 4 days without speaking a word out loud bc there is no one to talk to. I havent honestly laughed in many many years but I can fake it when I have to.
    On days when I wake up and have a nice conversation with some one, (Only on the phone) the rest of my day is pretty good but most of the time I have no one to talk to. I feel like I am not good enough to have friends or why would anyone want to be friends with someone like me.
    I have read so many comments that are like me. In a way it feels good to know i am not alone but disheartening to know there is so many of us out there. I feel I will always be a depressed person and an unhappy friendless person

    • Christie says:

      I am 49 too. And people think I live a full and happy life. I am so sad and so alone. My boys are 13 and 14 and are the only people I speak to. And they spend the weekends with their father. I have read books on making friends – and I find that I do everything that the books tell you to do, and still I have no true friends. I miss people. I miss that feeling of laughing with another person – the understanding that they have. Sometimes I think that staying on the earth is just too hard – but then I remember my children and that I must smile and go through it for them. I feel the same. I will never have a friend. A true friend. A person who will laugh with me and who understands me and who I will understand. I am so tired of trying. So tired of putting my best face on. People see what they want to see, and they see a happy, beautiful woman. They do not know that I come home to an empty home with an empty heart. I feel your pain. I understand because reading your comment was like reading my mind.

      • Dana says:

        Hi Christie, I am 51 and a single mother of a 17 yr old boy and 15 yr old girl. I so can relate to your comment….more than ever. Please let me know if you would like to talk. You took the words right out of my mouth.

    • Tina says:

      The world is in love today. I am alone. I am a 53 year old woman. My husband divorced me. He didn’t understand Depression. I have 2 grown children. One won’t speak to me or let me see my grandchildren because I cry too much. My other grown child will engage in “positive” conversations occasionally.
      I have spent my life taking care of everyone else. Now that I am in need, I find that I am not worth their time.
      I am taking medication and seeing a therapist. I wish I had some one to talk to who truly cared. My only conversations are with people being paid to be nice and speak with me.
      My area does not have a support group. I could be a great friend if some one would give me a chance.

      • Anne says:

        Tina, I understand what you have said here, and many of my feelings match up with yours. It’s so hard to find that to your children, you are “not worth their time.” I never expected this.
        Support groups here are rare too. We need to meet with/talk with other depressives regularly! that is what I know. We’re not bad people, with bad characters like some would have us think.
        I spend time during the few conversations with my grown children trying to edit what I express.
        Too upbeat, and hey there’s nothing wrong with you. Too real about the agony, and like one of your children, one of mine wants only positivity or nothing. Clinical depression is the worst thing ever, you can’t win in relationships, most become shallow or disappear, and the loneliness and isolation are crushing. I’m in a humdinger of an episode right now, and even people who care, like people from spiritual communities, don’t really care or want to be bothered or have their own precarious happiness threatened. At age 63, I find many days excruciating in ways that are far worse than the lifetime of depression I have coped with up until now. I wonder how I got to this lonely place, when I used to make friends so easily and feel unconditional love from my kids.
        Well, I don’t wonder: it’s depression worsened by not enough money and the isolation that that fact alone causes. I just found this site today and don’t know how things work, but for now, thanks for sharing, and maybe we can talk some more.

        • Andy says:

          Anne, Tina, Christie and April,

          I’m sorry for what you are going through. I too suffer with depression. I’m a mom and I’m also a daughter who has had a difficult time recently with my own mother. Because of some things my mom has said to me that I’ve found really unfair and hurtful I’ve stopped communicating with her very much lately. I just want to say that what all of you have written about how hard it is to grow older and not connect in certain ways with your children has made me reach out to my mom. Thank you for sharing your stories and your pain because you have helped me to realize that I need to keep reaching out to my mom because it could be that she is suffering from depression too.

          I hope you all find that the clouds part soon and you can feel the warm sun on your face. You all deserve love and friendship and I believe it is out there for you. Maybe try something new; like volunteering for an organization near you (an animal shelter, meals on wheels or a retirement center or daycare.) You have helped me and possibly also my mom and I hope that you will all find help for your own depression very soon. Again, thank you for sharing your stories.

          • Anne says:

            Thanks for the good wishes Andy. I’m working on reaching out more in general, even when I don’t want to. Depression is so tricky and unpredictable, it’s hard to make plans.
            It’s true that others may be suffering too, they just don’t talk about it.

        • Tina says:

          Anne, Thank you for sharing with me. it is comforting to know that some one understands what I am going through. With that understanding sadly, is the reality that you experience the same suffering as well.
          My daughter invited me over to her house. I was able to play with my grandchildren. It felt a little strained, but I am so thankful she changed her mind and reached out to me. I am trying to push myself to do something positive each day. I don’t want to be a burden to anybody. A little compassion goes a long way. I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Take care my friend.

      • Henry says:

        I have been through depression too it ruined my last relationship and I feel awful about it. If you wish to correspond I am willing to listen and see if I can help



        • Anne says:

          Thanks Henry.
          I’m realizing just how many relationships have been ruined over my lifetime.
          Usually, I think I just “ghosted” people, I feel bad about all the people who’s feelings I have hurt by disappearing. It has to do with liking to move around a lot and experience different people and places, but some of it was definitely a kind of trying to keep interested in life and my goals as an artist while in and out of depression and anxiety by a kind of maybe-the-grass-is-greener somewhere else. Hard to explain. Thoughts?

          • Henry A says:

            My first serious ex gf is just the same though she cheated and married a few times, even leaving her kids for others guys until the last 10 years where she seems to be settling down,She has battled cancer a few times and though I never ever wish that on anybody the word ‘Karma’ comes to mind more than once. O hope you find someone decent to settle with,the grass is greener thinking is not always accurate and never lasts .

  86. K says:

    Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all had a bubble over our heads that says “Please be my friend”?

    I’m just so sick of being alone. I’m a 21 year old physically able female who hasn’t left the couch in months. It seems like there are always so many people on the internet in the same situation, but I’ve never seen a person as isolated as me in real life. And trust me, I look for them.

    I’d really like a friend, and I’d like to find someone who would also really like a friend.

    • Bill says:

      I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I’ve been this way since I divorced. It’s been 3 years and I’ve been waiting to snap out of it but I still have no friends and I hardly ever leave home. I’m a 37 yo male and I’m withering away.

    • Rebecca says:

      Hello K

      Feel free to send me an email.

      I’m also 21 and I would be happy to talk to you 🙂

    • kerri says:

      Im a 14 year old girl i get bullied by my friends i have no life i have never been anywhere im looking a dirtbike to have a little fun but apparently i cant have one because my mum dont love me my granda is dying im just soo depressed someone help me all my friends have lived a life and if i ever get a boyfriend im moving to america with him i have tried suicide manys of time but i dont have the balls to do it

      • Eddie says:

        Your too young to feel that way, and I will lie to you if I tell you it will get better cause most cases it doesn’t, but at least being young gives you an advantage to change things in your life and one day grow out of it…

      • Joanne says:

        Kerri, get a Counselor – you need professional help – start by confiding in an adult you can trust – from there, they can help you get the Counseling you need

        While it is true that depression, especially significant depression such as that which you describe, does not typically just disappear on its own, it was remiss of “Eddie” not to suggest finding help

        That being said, it can sometimes be a challenge to find the right fit in a Counselor but it can be done, just believe in yourself, ask lots of questions to make sure you find the right fit (interview your Counselor – they work for you to help you overcome your issues – any good Counselor tell you same in how to find a good fit)

        I have struggled with depression for most of my life – I am now a 40 y/o mom of 7 – whatever path you choose, with adulthood comes responsibilities and with responsibilities comes stress – these things complicate depression – getting help now will get you to a stable, confident place to help you accept the challenge of adulthood

        As a mom of a daughter your age, it breaks my heart to read of your troubles and how you feel – between the rush of hormones and social drama, it’s such a tough age for girls – please get help – you are so worth the effort – please be brave and ask for help – you have no idea of the joys and potential the future can bring if you get help now – you are also too young to realize that what seems like the worst thing ever or the end of the world really isn’t – my grandmother once said “Everything comes in time, everything passes in time” – it’s only now that I understand how true her words are

        Take care, Kerri – I wish you the best of luck in your journey and with your plans to relocate to the US – just know that no matter where you go, your mental health issues won’t go away until you get treatment – that’s why it’s best you get treatment young so you are ready to follow your dreams in a few short years when you reach adulthood


      • robin says:

        This one really hit home with me – suicide quite simply is not an option. It also angers me that people say you need help when you are going through a bad patch yet most of the time, you haven’t done anything wrong. Its other people. You’re all expected to be confident and all the same, well the truth is we’re not all the same and its always the good people who suffer as a result.

        I felt suicidal when I was going through a workplace investigation a while back and I will never forgive the workplace or the complainant for putting me through that and what is more, I did nothing wrong either.

        Nowadays, when I look for someone to be my friend or mingle with others, I just find people can’t stand me or I am the subject of ridicule and I try not to be negative but I find it puts other people off. Now I just think I am going to be who I am. If you don’t like it, to hell with it. You deserve a boyfriend and I hope you have a happy, fulfilling life because you deserve it.

      • Andy says:


        I’m in my 30’s and I can tell you that 14 is a really, really hard age to be a girl. I remember feeling bullied and mocked…even by my friends. I can tell you I went through some tough times. I sometimes still suffer from periods of depression, but it is A LOT better than when I was 14. Please, please know that you are at a really tough age right now and things most likely WILL get better. I completely disagrees with someone who says it won’t get better. At least for me and all most of my friends 14 was the toughest age. It sounds like you are going through some tough things, with your grandma dying, and you really should consider seeing if you can talk to a counselor (maybe at school.) A counselor is not a friend, but it really can help to get you through the tough times. Please don’t give up at 14! I’m so glad I didn’t! Good luck Kerri!

    • Rachel says:

      I am also a friendless 21 year old female, I have 2 daughters and I’m pregnant with my third. Singleof course, but even when I wasn’t single I was still very much alone, abusive relationship it was.
      Id just like someone to talk to, even if it’s not about my thoughts and mental state. Just someone to talk about how my day went, even if all I did was also sit on the lounge all day.
      I found myself looking at a website last night, kinda like a dating site but for people that wanna make friends. Its literally called, I couldn’t do it, it made me feel pathetic. I balled my eyes out, Im 21, what 21 year old doesn’t have friends? Am I really that f*cked up? Am I past the point of no return?…
      After that I googled ‘depressed with no friends’ and found this website… and after reading the whole post I came across your comment and I didn’t feel so alone… (:

      • Eddie says:

        I know how you feel. Not only don’t I have any friends but haven’t talked or seeing any of my family members for over a year. I’m a single father and I look at my 6 year old as my friend at home, but conversations about SpongeBob or the ninja turtles are not helping…

      • Samantha says:

        No ur not messed up..u just lost touch with the people who were ur friends wen u had kids…before my kids also my friends always want me to go out for drinks party and come visit them…as soon as I had kids none of my friends ever come visit me but they want me to come out my way to visit them..its not fair…finds friends who willing to travel to come see u and vice versa and a friend who doesn’t just hit u up to club….I’m 25 I know wat u mean

    • C says:

      Yep, definitely know this feeling.
      I’ve just moved to a new town and recently had a falling out with the only friends I had from back in school.
      So now I’m 21 and alone and looking for friends also. Would love someone to talk to and be there for me.
      I just feel socially retarded and don’t know how to make friends.
      I am looking into getting some counselling and am already on antidepressants.
      Please if anyone wants a friend to talk to I’m willing to make online friends.

    • Liz says:

      I know how u feel….im 20 and going through a lot and also need a friend 🙁

  87. Kevin says:

    I don’t even have any friends to reach out to. Then I need to make friends?? How do I possibly do this with major depression?

    • dx says:

      I do not know why it is so hard for any outpatient mental health facility to have group meetings in the evenings when people can attend to meet other people who are depressed who need a friend and talk about the things they are suffering with, instead you have to meet some flaky psychologist who led a sheltered life who gives out motivational tips who hopefully will not intentionally or inadvertently writes lies about your statements or condition. The mental health system seems to be about documenting and profiling people not helping them overcome mental distress.

    • Tilly says:

      I hear you Kevin. I’d love to have even just one good friend, I have major depressive disorder and PTSD and over the years between silly Dr’s (several who changed AD’s on me every week and I felt insane) and just bad experiences with people, I’m just existing, I stay with my dog.

      I’ve been advised to get out and about and meet people…how? and when you are just so down it hurts, believe me I’ve fought and fought this depression but I just crumble with life. I know I’m strong but then I’m so weak too if that makes any sense.

      Some days I just want to run up to the mountains and live alone for ever then another day I yearn for company.

      Not to go on but I’m so, so deeply hurt by the people who should have been here for me, not talking money wise (one sibling stole money from me) just be there and to feel loved which I don’t.
      It seems I’ve always cared and been there for others but they haven’t for me.

      I’ve had to cut off family as they hurt me, and each other, and I don’t and cannot play games. I’m so alone.

      just want you all to know I totally understand.xx

  88. Mahnoor says:

    Thankyou for sharing your experience in this descriptive article. I can relate alot. I’m an 19 year old girl currently in my senior year of high school. As I say this, the countless remarks ive gotten since the past 5 years keep coming back in my mind. I never really wanted a large social circle but I had one which mostly consisted of people who called me their friend because i helped them out deal with their problems. I love helping people. I love bringing back hope and life into people. But since a few years, ive failed to do that with myself. Since I had a large social group, and was friends with people who were quite well known around the city , a lot of people bullied me and gave me a hard time. Saying I was a really bad influence and theyd actually ask the people i used to call my friends to stay away from me. They’d call me a ‘slut’ (sorry if this word is too inappropriate to use here) just because I talked to alot of guys too, merely because I just wanted to help them out. And while helping out people I lost myself. Nobody, would be there to talk to me when I wanted to talk. Theyd just come to me if they were alone and if theyd see another friend coming in the distance, theyd get up and run to them. It effected me alot and my downfall began. Mentally, I was too distracted and never focused on my studies. Another reason is because whatever I wanted to do in life my parents never supported me. Id say I wanted to be a pro at soccer, theyd say no and wouldnt let me go to practise. Id say I wanted to be a mechanical engineer and work on cars but they said no. I said I wanted to volunteer for social work they told me im being ‘dumb’ and not focusing on reality. Im not going to over exaggerate when I say that everybody around me thinks I’m a very weak person who is too naive and dumb. On top of everything I’ve had a weak immune system since I was born and that just adds up to me being emotionally and physically weak to concentrate on my goals. Everybody asks me why I look so ‘tired’ or ‘depressed’ all the time but they ask it in a way as if theyre annoyed of my getup. As if im staging this whole thing. I want to go out to study in America but since my parents cant afford it and I havent been too good in my studies to get a scholarship, that dream died. Because of all this Ive got this sudden urge since an year to block off every contact with every person i know. I deleted all my social media accounts. I was about to turn off my phone too but since thats important, I have to forcefully keep it on. Despite me being a person who tries to explain myself to another person, like actually try to clear out problems, nobody seems to care and just keep on being whoever they are not effected by my words one bit. And at the end of the day, I know its not anybody elses fault except mine because I let this all happen to me.

    • lowtide says:

      Hello. I just put up a Christmas tree and have no idea why. Don’t know how it turned out pretty since my heart really wasn’t in it. Will anyone even see it? I feel like I can relate to everyone who has posted here in some way. Never been married. Relationships a plenty gone bad. No kids. 46 years old and stuck in a dead end job. My father is deceased. Relationship with my mother is strained. I don’t think I learned good social skills. My mother is bitter and passive aggressive. I have few friends. I am lucky in that I do have a good family though occasionally, I feel like it is a burden for them to have to interact with me. They love me but don’t necessarily enjoy my company. I’m rarely invited to anything. People don’t remember my name or having met me. I’m easily forgettable. Seems a lot of people avoid me because I’m just so dull and boring OR angry OR whatever else it is about me that they don’t like. I work with egomaniacs. If you don’t tell them how great they are, don’t worry, they will tell you. They don’t care to know anything about my life unless there is unfortunate dirt to be had, exa. the cause of the breakup of my last relationship. I cannot brown nose and don’t hide it well when people annoy me. Thus, I am not one of the office favorites. I dread work functions like the upcoming Christmas party and all of the snobbery and boasting I’ll have to endure. I mean, really, its a party people. Let your hair down and leave your friend, Pretentious, at the door. To simply not go is not an option because I am expected to be there as an audience. How anti-social of me if I don’t show up for that purpose. I will sit and listen to how little Biff just graduated from X University, landed an amazing job and is taking a trip to numerous countries. I will listen and be reminded of how I wasn’t privileged and what a broke, undereducated loser I am. Then the name dropping will start and I will sit there bored out of my mind. And then there’s the narcissistic bullying boss who is always screwing me out of money any way possible and taking credit for the work I’ve done and my ideas. She will show up late, make her grand entry and at some point announce that I need to remind her to address such and such tomorrow. The last thing I need right now is to be unemployed. Any resistance to her never ending con game and I could easily be a goner. So I tolerate her to the best of my ability and put on a nice face. Jobs really are not plentiful where I live but I’m applying to the ones that are.

      My life has been a total trainwreck of abuse and mishaps. I was bullied. Had to live in the same house with an aweful step-father. With adulthood came abusive men. I have had too many illnesses, injuries and surgeries to list. All of that has taken a toll. I no longer have any patience. It seems there are no rewards, only further bad luck and monotony. I’m struggling financially. I’ve all but given up hope of ever meeting a stable man and getting married. I just work and come home to more work and that’s about it. Get by, paycheck to paycheck. I realize I’m lucky compared to some who have no job right now. To those of you who don’t, I pray you find something that makes you happy. I’ve been unemployed before and understand that too. Aside from the financial aspect, I don’t have friends who want to just hang out, go walking or anything that doesn’t require money to enjoy. Most women my age are married, have children, etc. They’re busy. Those who are divorced or single are hermits, too busy too, or have gone completely off the deep end, running the bars, trying to look 20 but really looking kind of sad and pathetic. But who am I to say that when I’m sad and pathetic myself. Its as if life has come to a grinding halt. I no longer aspire to anything. I’ve lost interest in hobbies. Things I used to find enjoyable, I no longer do.

      If I were more likeable, but how? I am who I am, right?. I try to be friendly and upbeat (not so much so tonight) and I’m always there to help someone if they need it. Still, I’m left out and on my own. People say I’m a good person. They say they are my friends but they don’t spend time with me. Some look bored when I start to talk. I’m invisible. I’m the strongest person I know but depressed and lonely.

      As I read your comments, I find myself wanting to reach out to you. People who have not been through what many of us have, cannot relate. Some of us have become hardened souls. We are wounded. We are deep. We are uncomfortable to some. And yes, we are depressed. Whoever you are, I am here for you. Reply if you need to talk. Praying for you all.

      • Mike says:

        Thank you for telling your story and taking the time to make people aware that there are people like us that want to listen and help the ones seeking answers. I myself deal with mental Health issues and have told my story to many through out the years trying to educate the ones that take the time to hear our voice.
        Here is my story…A Wishing Well

        It’s been a little over 25 years since Federal politicians vowed to end poverty and it was Ed Broadbent, then leader of the federal New Democratic Party who put forward the motion back in 1989. Today, the 78-year-old says “it’s unlikely he’ll see the end of poverty within his lifetime” and this scares me that perhaps there will be no change to my world.
        “There’s no question we failed”, but I am going to help change that Ideology that we can’t change poverty because I know that we can.
        My story which many of you are aware of knows that my family lives and have lived most of our life in poverty. Sure I once had a little cash here and there to move a little forward in life but life always seems to push me back a step or two.
        A wealthy nation like Canada with abundance natural resources can’t seem to put an end to poverty and we all just continue looking at our phones seeing who is posting silly nonsense stuff on social media. Right now Social media is learning that it’s not just there for just posting pictures of what you had for supper, (guilty for I’ve done this as well )but it’s also a place to voice your discontent with the world and make it a better place. We now shame people for hurting animals and people getting fired like “Justine Sacco”, she’s the public relations executive who tweeted, “Going to Africa” Hope I don’t get AIDS, Just kidding. I’m white!” Thanks to public shaming, she lost her job and was left wandering in the wilderness. Is it justice, no I say but when people act like this our values begin to change and we begin to find a way to help change the way they behave. We now can show the world that we do notice what people are doing online and when I see people joining in to stop the injustice done to some people I start believing that perhaps social media can work to solve the injustice done to some including what happened to my family.

        If we the poor stop feeling ashamed for not accomplishing what you all have done in your life and begin telling you our story on why we haven’t mastered the art of dreaming like you have all done, perhaps change can be in the cards for us poor in the near future.
        You all once dreamed of having a good education, owning a house, a car, vacations, investing in retirement and so on but our dreams have been squashed many years ago. The only reason poverty exists in a rich country like ours is because of GREED. We must use social media to begin the process of changing the way profit is distributed among the people that have so much, it’s not like there isn’t enough to go around.

        Poverty drains billions of dollars from the Canadian economy in lost productivity and costs associated with expanded health care, criminal justice and social services. Women fleeing violence, Immigrants, LGBTQ people and youth face discrimination and barriers to renting and with no affordable housing most people end up with slumlord as landlords. The food banks themselves, are having to cutback due to dwindling donations while food bank increases in numbers every month.
        I am not ashamed anymore since we all know and talk of my situation mostly in silence and I could have written this anonymously, so my Facebook friends and family would never know how miser my life was. But No, I ‘m not ashamed of the truth and I will be talking about it from now on. I even started writing a simple worded book that will be publish online by me on “Get hermit .com” in the distant future.
        So now for my story and what it is like to have lived in poverty all my life and the feeling of giving up on everything as Weird thoughts began entering my mind on occasion.

        Yes I live in poverty, yes I am poor and yes my family is also poor.

        Some People say “, be grateful for what you have” or “how well we do considering you live in poverty” compare to others. Really, I’ve had this old stuff for years and I understand that you are all uncomfortable for my situation as you look for something nice to say about us and I’m not offended and understand your dilemma
        This is why I usually hate talking around family about my poverty because it causes this uncomfortable feeling for them and myself, but every once and awhile it just comes out. I ramble on trying to explain our situation and as I catch myself I then stop, for I see your awkward faces looking back at me. I then later punish myself for divulging such personal information, so forgive me for my weakness for sharing such an earful on such a personal matter that makes us all uneasy. Also please don’t compare a past situation you once had many years ago of that summer you once had to live in poverty as my poverty has been a lifetime which has severe damaging affect to ones soul. Sure I will listen to you because this is who I am, a compassionate loving human being willing to not offend anyone. So with that said I would like you to see “how well we do considering we live in poverty”

        I don’t waste money, no yearly vacations, no savings, basic food, a treat once and awhile at McDonald’s that cost us just a little over $5.00 for 2 Cheese Burgers and a small fry and let’s not forget the water we brought from home.
        Our bed is second hand and our dressers are over 30 years old and received it from someone passing away many years back, God Bless her soul. I don’t own a fridge, stove, washer, dryer and thank god my apartment came with those items. My computer is a pass me down which started from my older brother, then given to my mom then on to me since it sat there for a couple of years not being used. I bought 3 second hand car’s in life, one was $500.00 another was $1000.00 and my recent one that I had to scrap 2 years ago right before Christmas cost me the most $3000.00, but put me in a situation of severe poverty just to own it for 2 years. So it was a blessing in a way for it to have broken down one more time because maintenance was becoming my mortal enemy month after month.

        Sometimes I feel that when I speak of our situation it makes me feel like I’m looking for a handout and that is why I stopped this action of others giving us money and gifts throughout the year. This way I can voice my opinion without me having the guilt of what others may be thinking what my agenda is. I complain to make you all aware of the problem and want help to fight back and solve this generational poverty lifestyle we are stuck in.
        I should not be judged for why I’m poor and online some comments from strangers have had different opinions on why I live in poverty. Things like “I should pray more so god will bless me with a better life” and let’s not forget ” I should have paid more attention in school”, “stop being lazy”,” your worthless and a strain on society”. After awhile we begin to think we are all of this and then my depression starts all over again month after month “I deserve the shame I feel”, I tell myself as tears roll down my cheek as they are doing now.
        How can I allow people to turn me into a person that hates others when I have so much compassion towards the whole world that those comments after awhile starts taking a toll on my values and any hope of change for my family. It’s bad enough I spent a majority of my life thinking I’m a failure without others telling me this everyday online when trying to make my story heard. I’m angry my child is living through this and I’m angry at those politicians do nothing while millions suffer every day. I’m angry at a society that views me as a loser, humanity’s disgrace of a human being. The toll this has on me having to live in poverty just makes my mental health problems so much worse.

        My jealousy for what you all have is a normal thing, and all of society does this no matter how well off some of you are. So please don’t think when I say I’m jealous for what you have is a statement on behalf of me judging you for having some wealth, for that is not my intent.
        Yes I’m jealous, some have a social life and able to meet with friends and have a drink then see a movie, but even if I did have the money to do so I couldn’t for I have a Social Phobia problem that makes me unable to actually even have friends to go out with. So yes I am sort of friendless the last decade or so, I know people that walk by and wave and say a hello but that’s as far I can allow people in my personal life that was ashamed of.
        Yes I’m jealous that you have a car, nice toys, holidays and honeymoon memories since next year will be our 25th anniversary and still hopping to have our first honeymoon that we could not afford back when we first have said our vows. I’m even jealous that gas prices are so low now and perhaps I might be able to afford driving once again but then Insurance sky rocketed to a point that spending almost 100.00 a month became unjustified to my budgetary need to just survive in today’s world.

        I’m am very grateful though for so much in life like having my Wife and child support me all these years, I Thank You. My simple minded parents that raised me and loved me and taught me right from wrong, I Thank You and let’s not forget my brothers and sister for trying their best to understand my pain, I Thank You. I am grateful, for society has taught me that there’s so much hate towards me and the poor that its now became my passion to change this, so thank you to all that tried shaming me online for it made me a stronger person today.

        The one thing I changed recently is I stopped hating people and finally managed to find the true me and begin once again to see the good in people no matter who they are. I now understand that the people trying to hurt us online only hate us because of the pain they must carry in life. I understand your pain and I forgive you and I l want to help you even though you may hate me so much, so Thank you for helping me change and become a better person today.
        Our future is uncertain and I never know what is on the horizon but I will stay strong and live my days fighting and teaching society what a life of poverty does to an understanding, compassionate soul like mine. With all that said I want to remind you all that I‘m not looking for pity or a handout for I’ve come across many sites with similar stories like mine but have added a pay pall account looking for donations.

        A couple of years ago I asked my family and friends to please stop with the gift giving because it just damages my pride and dignity and rips away at my insides, so I refused handouts because I couldn’t participate in the giving. I know it sounds unfair but this is my mental health and this is my way to start healing. I want to keep thinking positive and as long as I keep telling “My Story” I believe that each person like you can grow from the simple words I have expressed to you.
        My point is that everyone has a story to tell and this is mine, so let’s not be silent anymore because I have noticed a lot of compassion from the silenced ones reaching out across the ocean and helping those many in need. Please use that energy now and focus on the problem in your own back yard and listen to what I had to say.

        If you don’t know how help my cause just share this post and make more people aware that change comes from people talking. Changing my life will not happen with your generosity of gifts and cash, perhaps it masks the moment but when tomorrow comes my life is still the same.

        I stopped dreaming long ago and so now I created a wishing well in my head because my life will only change if I wish it hard enough, until the world hears and see’s my family tear’s and pain I will not stop voicing my story. Everyone should tell their personal story and not be ashamed because being silent has not worked for me.

        Ask me how you can help because there is so much I can teach you on how to solve our nation’s number one problem.

        Thank you my lovely wife for just giving me this huge hug after me reading you this story because the tears and pain that just flowed out of me was because I know how much pain you must live in, and you calling me your “Night and Shinning Armor” shows your compassion and love for me, your simple minded man.
        “So Thank You My Love”

        Written by: Michel B. who’s looking out his front window watching life pass him by.

        Please don’t be ashamed for me and share this story to everyone you encounter on your journey through life and post any comments you have because I will always listen to what you have to say, because your special too.

      • Bill says:

        I find myself very hardened with no desires or dreams anymore. and although I crave a kind, loving, happy relationship that will last a lifetime, I’m to hardened to even try to find that person. 12 years of mental abuse during my marriage and 3 years of loneliness after divorce. I feel unattractive, anti social in physical pain from spinal stenosis. Yet I still feel a glimmer of hope from time to time but then I think of how someone would just use me to get what they want and then roll out when I need them most. 37 yo male just withering away

      • denyse says:

        Hello lowtide,
        I came across your comments and wanted to e-mail you. I tried the e-mail above but it is not deliverable. Is it missing a letter. Or do you have another e-mail contact? Thanks!

  89. Elly says:

    Hello Everyone,
    I have no idea where to turn for help…
    I hope I can find the answers here. I’m so way beyond depression. I’m a 55 year old women. I have no family, no children and never was married. I lost my mother 8 yrs ago and my dad 1 yr ago. It was a very tragic, horrific accident which was in the middle of the night. My dad who at age 93 had ventured in the road. There are no lights out here in the country. It was I who hit him…..I froze before I realized a person was standing in the road. I was just getting home from a 16 hr shift. I had no idea my dad was capable of wondering out at night.
    I have to live with this for the rest of my life!
    I miss my folks soooo much! I miss human contact! I have one good friend, she tries to help the best way she can, and that is to read through bible scriptures…….but none of that can ever alleviate the loneliness and pain. Let me tell you if it weren’t for my animals……I would do myself in. I work long hrs as a caregiver. I work crucial days like saturdays, so social life is out. When I’m home, I’m so exhausted mentally and physically. Whoever happens to read this…please, please help me. Ptsd, isolation, lonelines, depression, and suicidal thoughts have taken over my life. If there is a God, why must I go on? If I could only find someone to love my animals and care for them……it would be the end of me.

    • Mahnoor says:

      Hello Mam.
      I know I’m not experienced enough or cant even being to imagine the slightest bit of the situation you are currently going through but if I may say this, that there is always hope. Even if youre a 99 year old person with no teeth or no capability to move. If you honestly really try , which can be hard im very sure, you can taste a bit of happiness and just enough hope to live by. Please please please don’t ever think about ending yourself. You’re going to be your own enemy if you do that. And right now, you need to love yourself.
      Its really amazing to you have the companionship of animals and please don’t feel bad if thats the only companionship you have at the moment because look at how out of all the people, they are there to give you a bit of hope to get through the day.
      Also Mam, what happened to your father is not your fault. It will never be your fault. Please stop blaming yourself and forgive yourself. I’m very sure your father wouldn’t want you resenting yourself because of him right? I cant imagine the huge burden you must feel but what I do know is you can get through it. You are much more stronger than you will ever know unless you actually try.
      Try going to social gatherings in the sense where there are people to talk to. Like maybe some local events where there are people present who are around your age? Initiate a conversation. Its very hard! I can understand but you need to really really try if you want to live life peacefully. Only you can change your situation. A million people can enter your life but you’ll only ever feel happy when you accept yourself.
      I hope what I said made you think and helped you. There are always people who care okay? No matter how distant they might seem to be. I promise you. I’ll pray for you and I hope today proves to be the day you turn your life around. Its never too late!!
      God Bless you

    • SR216 says:

      Godamn that … sucks. I’m really sorry. It’s not your fault at all, you have to know that, but I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m really, really sorry. That really sucks.

      I understand how you feel, if only a little, about the loneliness though. I get down a lot, I think it’s just the way I am, and I know what it’s like to wonder about the other side. But I have a dog who is every bit as neurotic as I am, and not knowing what would happen to her keeps me going. That, and just breathing. It sounds silly, but just taking one breathe, and then the next, and the next after that, while focusing on being fully present in that one moment, helps me. Remembering that this life is finite, and will eventually end whether I’m ready or not, is oddly inspirational. It motivates me to try new things and reach out to others, because acknowledging that life is short and unpredictable is weirdly comforting.

    • Henry says:

      If you wish to correspond I am willing to try my best to listen and help

      Blessings to you


  90. Abhi says:

    I’m way to depressed … All my friend have left .. They meet me but they act different like they were never before , sarcastic all the Time… I tried many time too make it up to them but they never change they call me up to meet me but when I go they try to embarrass me indirectly . first I thought its all in my mind but no I can sense fell the negativity . now I don’t care about them. I want to fix my life . do something with it . make my parents proud because they have always been there no matter what . I want to have that courage , strength , I wanna be determined but when I try i’m just focused for a day but next day i’m not . there is hope in me for sure , but i’m not confident all i’m scared to talk to people . every time scared to take to opportunity. Talking to girls have been difficult . I can’t come up with different topic and soon the conversation seems to be boring. I know this all can be fixed everything can be fixed but I don’t know how to do it. Help me with it please.

    • Anthony says:

      Hi Abhi, first thing I want to point out is that’s great that you recognize your parents love you unconditionally and that’s huge!!!. Now the friends thing, my best advice is to not focus on what you think they think. If they give you direct insults and embarrass you it might be because you are not yourself around them. Or they are just jerks. Either way it’s up to you to find a way to change the situation. You need to remove the things you have no control over. Be polite and distant yourself for time being while you reasses your priorities. Find out what you need from friends and relationships. Take that and figure out what you need to do in return for those relations. Once it makes sense of what your goals are for those people, find a way to propose a “fresh start” for lack of better words. The ones worth trying will understand and it will strengthen the relations.

  91. Anthony says:

    Wow, I came back to this site because of an email, about one of you awesome people commenting… And it took me back to when I originally came to this site looking for kind words and hope. What an amazing few months, I’ve been doing great with my problems. Complete turn around, I’m still at the same job! (I’m thirty one years old and I’ve had 36 jobs). I don’t know a lot of things still, but what I’ve learned I’m holding on to. Thank you everyone for sharing. It truly feels good to know we’re here for each other.

    • e says:

      I suspect that if there was a Guinness Book of World Records category for most time with no human contact but not behind bars then I would win time and time again. I would win every year. My fear and concern that this posting is going to show up when people google my name

      • Anthony says:

        Why would someone Google your name if you don’t have human contact? I’d put money on, someone out there that cares for you!, too bad it’s not yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself a story about you and how good a person you are.

  92. Lucky says:

    Hi,am a 26yr old living with my mom and have never met my father I used to have lots of friends to hang out with partying socially I must say I was the centre of attention once in my life time that was years ago all those people whom I called friends have disappeared me and my mom have a strange connection we hardly talk I always wanna be alone, I have debts that I made while I was working cause I didn’t wanna look like I had no money around the people I hang around with all that is left with me now no friends no job certainly no money nothing but debts, I recently met a friend that understood me and understood the person I am we connected shared stuff we were always together called one another every single day ever since we even got closer emotionally but didn’t go as far as I hoped cause I have developed feels for her through out now we are apart I have relocated and now seems like she has moved on we are not as tight as we used to be I thought she is different from others but now am not so sure she is all I think about she is my number 1 when I talk to her I become relieved in some way my day becomes better I become happy not any more she doesn’t call to check up although she used to do that all the time what I am supposed to do now she is the centre of my attention without in my life am nothing please help me to understand and let go of this cause I can’t live like this I want to be out there living life again have friends that care and call me daily I wanna own my life am always in bed thinking always alone in deep thoughts

    • Anthony says:

      So that’s truly a situation that will only get tougher if you don’t deal with it… I was penniless and homeless for two days before I came back to my family to stay. In two months I had enough money to get a 650$ car. Put insurance and temp tags on it. Then I saved another month and filed chapter seven bankruptcy… No one is going to save you from financial burdens, and I’ll admit they are at times the worst to deal with. Put your emotions and everything on hold and go into autopilot for a while. Two simple goals and keep them. When those goals are met, welcome your problems back, ten fold you’ll have a considerably less. Which in return will open your mind to focus on the most important ones.

  93. kate says:

    I am alone with no friends, and my family is too preoccupied with their own lives to bother with me. I am a woman in my late 40- who cant even get a date. my son told me the other day that I am an embarrassment and I should go and kill myself, he is an adult now, and I am thinking he could be right. my job is hurting me emotionally. I am actually on vacation and two of my bosses called me to yell at me, I am probably going to get fired. my husband began an affair three years ago, and I left him two years ago, however my family blames me, and even my mother says I should get back with him, even though he was both physically and emotionally abusive to me. As she says, this is the best you are going to get.
    I am a great listener to my so-called friends, I always validated what they were feeling, and never judged, but when I am in crisis, they wont return my calls, or texts. I am so alone and unwanted, and I don’t know how to change it

    • A friend says:

      Hey Kate,
      It sounds like you are in a very painful and tough spot. I myself am too.. It hurts my heart to hear hat your son would say something to you that hurtful. Suicide is never the answer even when it seems like the whole world is against you. Take everyday one step at a time. I believe the best thing you can do is to figure out ways to better yourself, by yourself (for now). I would definitely encourage you to start exercising wether it’s walking, yoga, or riding a bike. I know that whenever I am feeling really down exercise helps me deal with my feelings. Another great thing you could do is find classes that allow you to excercise with others. This will be a great way for you to meet friendly people. Excercising puts people into a better mood which will make it easier to connect. Focus on bettering yourself and I think things will begin to turn around slowly for you. Eat, sleep, and excercise can make a world of difference. Once you begin bettering yourself it will also make it easier to work on your relationships with the ones that are close to you. Your life is precious no matter what anyone says. I don’t know if you are religious or not but that could also be a great avenue to feeling better. It is also a great place to meet people that will care about you and your well being. God bless you and I hope things begin to turn around. Love you!

      • A friend says:

        Also seek a therapist. It’s confidential and no one has to know you’re even going to one. It will help out a millions times over! Good luck

    • Tilly says:

      Hi, so sorry this is all happening, indeed it can hurt more than words can say when your son talks to you like that, I know how you feel because my child has talked to me very badly too and apparently I am also an embarrassment sometimes. Yes that hurts so much but you know what I’m still the mother and you don’t have to go anywhere with me….no your son is not right and it’s downright cruel to talk to you in that way, you’re his mom and my advice would be to tell him exactly that and until he can talk to you in a civil way not to contact you, sounds harsh and believe me I’ve tried every which way to deal with that myself and nothing else worked.

      This is the time to take very good care of you, you need to put yourself first and feel better, your son, the rest of your family are not helping you, they are hurting you and you have to feel so confused and down.

      No, your abusive husband is not the best you can get, please never ever think that, I know the feelings of being alone and unwanted, I’m fighting it all myself and it’s tough but I tell you when I try to think positively and take care of myself I feel better. I have good days and of course not so good days but I remind myself I’m a good person and deserve the best.

      This is just me but I don’t think you should even be thinking of dating anyone right now, you need to find peace within yourself then you’ll be ready for a relationship, and only if someone so darn great comes along!!! don’t settle for anything less!! As I mentioned take care of you right now, exercise is great, find something you like to do, even if you start by waking on a trail if you’re near some ir just around the neighborhood, when I started that I felt so depressed I only walked at night but that’s okay….it will get better.

      Try not to take any notice of all the advice you’re getting, don’t see certain people if they are bringing you down, just tell yourself I want to feel better so….I’m going to start by knowing I’m a wonderful person…keep telling yourself that….and I’m going to really take good care of myself. That’s a start, it can only go up from here!!

      I know how hard it is, my mind would go over and over everything, nobody was there for me either even though I was always there for them, it took up so much of my time I eventually thought this is ridiculous and I stopped all that thinking.

      You just don’t know what lies ahead but when we are stuck in a funk/depression we are frozen so to speak.

      Maybe you can start searching for another job, but….I’m parrot saying this but it is SO important in order for you to move on to know you deserve the best life so please start by putting yourself first even if it means being alone right now that’s just fine, with a healthy mind good things can happen, breathe……hope you are okay, hang in there and put your foot down with certain things!!

  94. Amy says:

    Hello. I’m 18 and I have no friends. This started when I was 9. I would have to ask a teacher to help me find someone. I always felt like crying and I didn’t belong on this world; I wanted to die. My mum said that I couldn’t go to a different Primary School, I was so upset. No-one ever came up to me and asked whats wrong or wanna come play with us? When it was High School, still no friends. Some of the people in my Primary School went. I was still alone. I ate alone. I never had a partner for projects. I just gave up. I had no friends and my family were the only ones that cared for me. When High School was over, it was now collage. I saw a girl sitting alone, I asked if she was okay. She had no friends. I asked her if she wanted to be my friend; she said yes. I had a friend! Finally! She soon had to leave the collage. I was alone. Again. In my spare time I play on my laptop and my iPad. Thats the only way I feel happy. I still don’t have hope…

    • Josepha says:

      I am feeling lost too. I am at high school and just lost my best friend. I told her about my depression but she told me she doesn’t feel okay with me… She said, she will be with be no matter what… but i know her well.. she can try… but if I don’t change fast she will leave me alone forever… I lost all of my friends… I am so lonely… I am an Outsider … I need help… no one is net to me except for my family… but they can’t do much… in home yes, but what about my social life… I am watching movies all the time… I am watching like 10 TV shows… and when one is over, i start to watch another one… It makes me feel good. I am away from everything. I am away from my troubles and my life but then BAM, it’s over. And I should go back to the real world. I know a friend from the internet can’t help u… And I know if I tell “Don’t lose hope” u’ll be angry with me, because this is the exact words of people who doesn’t understand us. We need motivation. But we need a friend. We need someone who’s there for us. But we lost it all. we have no friends, no life… We are loners… But it shouldn’t be like that forever… We should fight. I’ll try. I’ll try alone !! ALONE! Because I am Alone…
      I need someone, but there’s nobody, okay… I’ll try Alone.. We both should do that. We are going to fail, but we won’t give up. Right now i am totally giving up… today was too sad… too terrible… But I’ll try to be okay tomorrow … I will…
      ALONE!! Because if there is nobody … nobody who can help me… I’ll try Alone… And I am crying right now, Alone… And u probably do it too… But please, for me, don’t give up… We’ll make small steps… very small… people won’t notice it… but we will. and one day… one day.. we’ll be far, far from where we r now, and will stand there and say : we are here…. No one was there for us when we need it… but we r going to be there for you.. to be there when someone needs it….
      I am just like u Amy… I am dying inside… And i wish there was someone who can help me, but beyond my family there’s no one. Yes, i should be happy that at least my family is with me, but u should know it better than anyone, that no matter how love and understanding they can give us, it’s not enough. Cry today, be strong tomorrow. I’ll try that. Probably it won’t work all the time… but someday it will work all day, everyday .. Good Luck Amy!! Good luck to everyone who’s suffering depression. We don’t need prayers and hope, we need to be strong when we r not. And it’s so hard to do than say, but we should move… our planet is awful place and only if we r lucky we’ll find someone who can be with us through all of this. But the chances r small. We should help to our own self , because no one else can!

    • faith says:

      I feel lost too.. I am also in college living on my own in one bedroom apartment. I made friend but they made more and I just don’t have much now. I get sad because I have no one to talk to anymore i just feel down all the time. Feels like I just sit in my place alone, while everyone else is having fun. I really wish I could be happy again and have just that one friend..but I cant I guess and ill never know why..Just sucks how I can be there for other people, but once I try to talk to them about my problems they run away. I feel lost and hopeless….and alone

  95. Ey says:

    I have lost everything. I am now divorced, single, lonley, and depressed. I have been divorced for about a year. I have lost both of my parents and I don’t really have any family. I havenot friends and I’m not good at making any. My ex was my best friend but I was tie for us to move on. My divorce has been hard, but it’s the bleak unknown that’s slowly killing me. People think I look younger than what I am, but I know the truth. I’m past the “fresh and young” date. I Have realized that my 20s are gone and even though I lost both of my parents at different times during my twenties, I never thought I would be in this situation; older, alone, and deeply heartbroken. I feel like I’ve lost all hope.

    My ex was supposed to pay alimony but he has not!!! I’m on the verge of being flat broke. I’m a full time student and I work as many hours as I can without it affecting my grade, which equals to me not being able to cover all of my bills. I’m savings is almost gone and I don’t know what to do. I feel ashamed at my situation. I question all the stupid choices I made and why I’m still here. People say im pretty all the time, but what does that mean. I’ve given up on “Love,” what a joke. I must just be me because the men I seem to attract are not so good. I Just feel like I’m done. I don’t see the purpose in thei rat race anymore. I’m a 4.0 student, I own my home, I own my vehicle, I have a job, I’m considered attractive, but I have to continue to pay for school, pay my taxes ans other bills with a less than full time job, my new vehicle is a lemon, my job is killing me physically and what good are looks if I’m barren and alone. I really sad and no one knows ore even cares. I’ve had all my losses early. My horid tales of sorrow is a long…most people don’t go through this!!!

  96. Rachael says:

    Hi my name is Rachel. I am currently working two jobs to supposrt my family. My husband who i have been with for 9 years is serving 4 years in prison. We have four kids together and i am alone. I am depressed on a daily basis. I am broke all the time. I also put on a brave face to my jobs and to my family. They know im suffering but dont care to help. I lost all of my relationships from my marriage because none of my friends were good enough. So i am alone. I cant get out there and even find new friends because i have my kids all the time. So i am basically single mom who cant go out and find a relationship because im married. Im stuck in the situation im in. I cant go back to school because i have no evening sitter. My mother in law does help me on the weekeneds when i have to work but im not getting ahead. Me working two jobs is barely making it. I dont get any help from the state at all. He put me in a bad situation and i have been doing this for a year and im getting to my breaking point. When is it enough?

  97. Tom says:

    Hi everyone,

    I’m going to find this extremely awkward writing my story as I have never really opened up to anyone and no one I know really understands what I’m going through.

    My names Tom im 21 and I come from a small town in lancashire
    I grew up in a small council flat with my mum and dad happy enough all my childhood I noticed things weren’t functioning as a ‘normal’ family. I was very distant to my mum and dad as a child and was often confused to why my mum and dad acted strange. Since the age of 10 i knew my mum and dad were drug addicts and it’s only when I became a little older I was then able to work out they were heroin takers. All through my childhood I battled and argued with my parents not for the sake of being grounded or standard things like that but for these weird and twisted situations I was put in such as when my dads fellow heroin addict friend got out of jail I had to share my bedroom with him and share a bunk bed. At the time I didn’t really understand. As I got to the age of 14 my dad was riddled with a decease called COPD I didnt really understand what this was or what it did but my dad was constantly in an out of hospital and often being refered for lung transplants and operations as my dad was stupidly still smoking and doing God knows what at the same time I was very distant from him as he grew into quite a nasty character eventually he was refused all operations and was offered residency at the hospis. At this age I was 18 this inability to function became a burden on my mum who was literally a nurse on 24hr call for my dad she really did keep him alive for as long as he could go. My mum was a very simple easily manipulated women as she had an extremely tough isolated upbringing herself. Just last year my dad sadly passed away whilst I was turning 20 it’s been a year since he’s passed away. I can deal with my fathers passing as i was dreading it through all my teenage years but since then my mum has turned into an alcoholic drug taking mess it’s like I don’t know her. Now at this stage most of you will be saying its your job to look after her well let me tell you this ive been in every situation said every single sentence you can think of trying to help her and she just doesn’t listen she can’t take note she’s even thrown me out before for trying to help she refuses it. It’s to the point where her own family have given up and my nana cannot have contact with her.
    She’s turned that crazy she’s started meeting my dads twin and I’m genuinely thinking she’s convinced herself that it’s him. I have no family at all to gain support from as ive never met most of them and the ones I know live in France and don’t really care to be honest ive tried getting advice before. I’m 21 years old and I feel 60 I honestly have no idea where to turn im quite a strong person and I’m not easily broken down but some days I don’t even think I want to live and I don’t mean this in a stupid 1 hour phase I sometimes think of death and a kind of release from the pain and life. I have literally no one to speak to I don’t have any friends because since leaving school I worked for an independent builder and it was basically just me and an old man I have no idea what to do for a career im unemployed with no qualifications im at a point in life where im wondering what I even enjoy anymore the house has been repossessed and my mum is living in a 1 bedroom flat. I’ve no family no friends no idea of where to go in life or im just spending my time wondering if it’s even worth carrying on ive lost all my confidence and I struggle to even hold a conversation without my voice trembling ive avoided people that long I can’t even handle walking through town. I don’t know who to speak or what to do im worried if I go to the doctors they will just prescribe me some pills and that is that (which I don’t want to happen) im 21 and I’m literally living like a recluse. I’ve so many great qualities but I just feel broken and unsure anymore.This is not a crave for attention as im far past that. It’s just the case I genuinely do not have a clue what to do in my life the worst thing is I could explain a load more other huge crazy things that are happening in my life that would sound unreal and exaggerated. The truth is I couldn’t write a book about it all without it sounding make belief crazy stories.

    If anyone(highly doubtful) has bothered reading this thanks for taking the time and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • Mike says:

      Hey Tom, just read your story. It’s clear from your writing that you are a highly intelligent and empathetic person. You’re so young you basically have your whole life ahead of you and there are many opportunities out there. I sympathise with your story as you haven’t had it easy in life. But it does sound like you got ahead in life, got some work experience and did well given your circumstance. I do admire your strength of personality. Listen, I’m not sure how I could help but if you want to email me, we could at least keep chatting and figure something out. Loss of confidence can happen to anyone for any reason (actually happened to me is why I’ve visited this site) but I’m sure it’s only temporary and things can get better … don’t give up!! cool_dude08080 [at]

    • Shay says:

      Hi Tom, I’m 23 from Manchester. I’m wondering how you’re getting on ? If you would like to email me 😊

    • Trey says:

      Hello everybody, I just want to say i’m so sorry for what your going through and I understand too. I have depression and I never really had many friends. All I have to say is… look to god. Jesus Christ knows perfectly well what your going through. If you’ve never read the Bible I would give it a chance and read just a little. Trust me you do not have to be a preacher or very religious to pray and read the bible. Start with the new testament or old testament doesn’t matter. Everything in that book is TRUE, even if your an atheist give it a chance. Truly pray to god and ask if everything is true. I don’t care what people think about this post, just do it, it will change your life. True happiness has to be earned and fought for. Everything that is happening is being worked out for your good. God works in mysterious ways, he will make your work for your happiness. Life is just a big test, NEVER look back, look forward. God looks at what you could be not what you are. Remember that many people love you but they just might be afraid to show it. Wherever you are in this world what ever situation you are in you are LOVED. YOU yes YOU, are here for a special purpose. Now right this moment pick up that dusty old book and read it. “Its not about what you gained from the bible, its about what you lost, which is the ultimate gain”.

      • Donna says:

        Hi Trey

        I so appreciated your post.Thanks for your heartfelt words of encouragement .I am a believer in Jesus Christ and saved by his grace.But i still suffer from very bad depression and anxiety.Its so paralyzing that at times I can’t even go outside.I don’t feel worthy to try to make friends or talk to people.My children are supportive but my husband doesn’t unnderstand me and hates when i cry or try to tell him how i feel.But he is chronically ill and has that to deal with. so i understand him not wanting to hear more negative stuff. I pray a lot and don’t understand why my life is this way.Please pray for me and I for you all here on this site.

  98. TED says:

    Worked in radio for over 3 decades and was always very careful the people I became friends with. Early in my career I worked the 10pm – 2am shift Monday thru Friday and toward the end of my time there I was given my first “friendly” phone call. It was a guy calling me to say how great I sounded blah blah blah! Especially when you’re are so new to the profession you want everyone to hear it! Deep down I knew that had to be a lie but convinced myself that I was going to change radio with all my “great” ideas, which I realized how stupid they ALL were within 18 months! To get the job I lied and gave him the places I worked at before the job I was interviewing for, again my first. I went across town where they had so much more knowledge, access to information especially if you’re still considered a rookie. The 2 1/2 years at the 2nd job I did was invaluable due to al of the experience in that building. Our GM had been a DJ in Pittsburgh along with a host of other stations. Dave, the GM, was easily the most influential in my career, After 3+ decades I hung up the headphones but this is where the depression, which I’ve battled with most of my adult life, took ahold of me and just won’t let go. We moved back to Florida and I had so many great friends here I was excited to go back! While going thru a deep depression I reached out to a handful of people that were listeners who became very good friends. After I sent digital notes to a handful of the friends I knew it would be a week or two before I would hear back from any of them. After 2 weeks still only 2 replies out of 5 I sent and basically each one said things are “crazy” right now & I’ll wait to hear back from you. Two & a half years later still nothing more then those 3 I mentioned. As the months passed with no more responses my depression started me on a nightmare trip into the “darkness”, the deepest, darkest and scariest areas in my mind. It is still frustrating, angering, hurting, confusing & make me wonder what I did to ALL of these people. I’ve given up on ever finding out but I still find myself in the deep abyss in my brain and all I can figure is that while I thought we were all great friends, having fun and making memories …. but I guess not,

  99. Steve says:

    I can relate very well to this article. I feel very much like the person you describe.

    I am living in what I call “survival mode”. I can function fine at work and put on a brave face when I’m around family etc but then I return home and just seek comfort and relaxation.

    It’s difficult for me to imagine having real friends again. Or even putting in effort to do things I enjoy. My life consists of just doing the minimum to get through, just to survive. I’ve never been outgoing, and I often enjoy being alone, but sometimes it gets lonely and I don’t know how to dig my way out.

    What I really want to know is how you managed to get well again. I assume you’re in a better place now…what did you do to begin recovering??

  100. Ramon says:

    Hi, well I’m 20 years old and I feel lost in life, without anyone. My family isn’t important to me. Currently in college and have a part time job in a call center.
    I’m annoyed and just tired with life. I hate what I do and the way I am.
    I know that I’m the only person who decides to be happy but I just don’t know how. Never had real friends, gay and also hate my physical body. Self harm.
    Most of the times I just feel this way and start crying. I feel so frustrated with myself. I just can’t.

    • Sam says:

      Hey Ramos I can totally relate to you. I’m gay muscular good looking but i still find it hard to make friends, I’m sick of doing NSA’s because nobody sticks around for any kind of relationship its just the melbourne gay culture is very fake and shallow. Weekends are worse. Only thing i can tell you just stick around

  101. Fran says:

    Hi, i´m reading all this comments that are so open and honest, I want to open up as well. I´m a 23 year old guy. Basically, i´ve come to the conclusion throught the last few years that I repress every single aspect in my life, specially my sexuality and, because of that, I bottle myself and rather be alone than with people. Too worried about judgement, and always seeking for acceptance from different groups of people, showing different personalities with each person. I´m questioning if this sort of behaviour is common in society, it must be, to a certain degree.
    I will sum one of my many conflicts in an example. I made a friend a few years ago who is very very charismatic, he has the ability to talk to anyone and start up conversations out of thin air. He´s shameless and very fun to be around.
    Four years ago I enrolled in an Art University (theatre). I remember on the first day on class that I wanted to act like him, to make friends and be shameless. After many failures trying to be someone I am not, I realized that I could only be me. That´s when I realized I have no purpuse in life. I´m on stand by (attached to my laptop almost all day, watching movies, tv shows…) instead of living life. I guess I am not fulfilled with life in general terms. I see people working, traveling, going out, having children. One side of me thinks they are stupid for trying to acomplish the norm of “life”, and the other half wants this. I also find conversations very boring, people talking about the most shallow things. I´m attracted to deep subjects like the human conciousness, fears, understanding why people do or think a certain way or another. I know that is interesting to me because I am having all those things myself.
    I sometimes think this state of “stand by” is positive because it helps me reflect on myself, but on the other hand, I think that this is making me more depressed and alone since people tend to stay away from this kind of people. Note that I say “this kind of people” rather than saying “me”. I guess I can´t take responsability for “me”, since that would make me that “kind of person” I don´t want to be.

    Anyways, that´s my load I wanted to throw. Excuse me if some of the things can not be understood. I tried to put it in words things that i´ve never told anyone before, and also because I´m from Argentina haha. Thanks for letting me express my “true self”, full of anxiety, doubt and fear.

  102. J says:

    Sometimes I wonder if Depression is just the name for realizing you feel you have missed out on what you thought life would be like, & you don’t fit in that life that you see everyone having on Facebook. Facebook is depressing.

    • J says:

      What’s worse? having it all & losing it all? or Never having it all & never knowing the difference?

      • Anthony says:

        Start by throwing all the pills away! Lithium gone, topomax gone, lemectal gone. Go a month or so without it, reassess yourself through deep meditation ( or mushrooms lol ) look in the mirror and go ” do you have one more in you “. Make that moment the first part of the rest of your life… Suck it the heck up and never look back… Complete a personal makeover that you love, create it in mediation, complete it in life.

  103. PJ says:

    I have no friends, my two children have no friends. We all sleep all day an will only go grocery shopping when we wont see anyone late at nite. Life has no purpose anymore. I’m scared when the phone rings although it’s only a telemarketer. We have no one, we are the most hated people around. I don’t know how it came to this. Very lonely existence.

    • Melanie says:

      It’s the guilt. Guilt and shame attract punishment. The fastest way to get rid of it is through hypnosis. Find a qualified hypnotherapist in your area and make an appointment. Trust me, in one session, you could make some serious changes in your life. Good luck.

    • elaine says:

      Hi there PJ,

      Literally my jaw dropped when I read your response. Almost like i wrote that myself. I also have 2 kids and no one in my family likes me they really are dreadful and mean. I was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago and no word of a lie everyone in my family a cousin in particular my one and only sibling treat me so badly that I feel like a walking dead person. I have been told that I do this depression thing on purpose, which hurts me so badly. My kids and I don’t get invited anywhere or they just invite my kids and treat me like I am a 3 headed monster. No matter how I try. I don’t have facebook and my sibling does and all my used to be friends think I am weird and have sided with my sibling. My heart goes out to you the Very lonely existence part is all too familiar. My kids are the only reason I am alive and I feel there pain, and feel so bad that they have a mother who is so depressed all the time. I typed into the internet why do I not have any friends, family, partner, or carrer and here I am ….

      • Anthony says:

        I grew up with depressed parents, one has passed away and the other is a addict I don’t speak with… I love them so much… I hope that you find a way to force yourself and kids to make something more of this life. To learn to enjoy again. You’ll all have to fake it for a while, but eventually things get better, if only one of you gets better it’s worth five in the bush… Think of that, we only get one shot at this life. In the end were all the same, so control the now, forget the things we can not control… It doesn’t matter one bit in the end… Today is the only thing that does. I love you!, I truly do, without us there’s just them… They need us ” Keep that in mind “.

      • C2 says:

        I am I single dad of two wonderful girls. Both mother’s of my daughters couldn’t of been any worse of choices. My oldest mother abandon her when she was 1 My x of my baby who is now 2 is a drug addict, theif,pathological liar and Robbed my mother of all her family herlumns which ruined my family ties, started a fist fight with my moms new bf who blamed me for her actions my Dad lives 6,000 away has a horrible wife who hates kids needless to say I am 100%, alone had to quit my job of 7 years after being stabbed by my baby’s mother and forced to loose my job and take a loa from work from which I got fired
        I am all all alone raising my daughter with no idea where to turn or what to do now

    • terri says:

      PJ….I’m guessing you do have people in your life that care….its just not easy to see that.

      I am the girlfriend of a very depressed guy – 50 years old. He’s not on medication, and hasn’t been formally diagnosed, but admits to be chronically depressed for 20 years. Until 3 months ago he could function. Now he’s in a deep depression – still in denial. I know he feels he’s hated….doesn’t want to be a burden. But he is loved….appreciated…..and I WANT to be around him. I have never suffered depression – only read how hideous it can be. He isolates himself….want to be alone, won’t answer my calls and occasionally will answer my texts.
      My question is….when people say they want to be alone, do they REALLY want to be alone?
      Do my occasional texts stating “I love you”….”call me if you need/want ANYTHING” help, or make things worse for him.

    • lml says:

      Pj, Your story is my story. And it seems like a couple other’s story here too. Because of the stigma attached to depression and the ignorance most people have of it- many suffer extreme discrimination. Unfortunately, friends can discriminate also, thereby isolating you more. I wonder if you are also suffering from social phobia. Waiting utiil night to go get food seems more than even clinical depression. It’s certainly no way for your children to live. Are you seeing a doctor? If anything, do it for your children….I wouldn’t wish my isolation on my children.

  104. Nathalia says:

    I’m 53 years old,nothing was important for me then my family means my mother father sisters and brother, as been a main bread winner just forgotten about my life and was happy that my dear family lived better life through me,when I realized about my self I think I’ts bit too late….but now I never felt so lonely, my sacrifice went in vain. no family want to keep in touch with me, apart from my mum [dad fast away 4 years ago] realy herts ,

    • Tilly says:

      Hi Nathalia, I’m sorry you feel so alone, I’m 55 and about 4 years ago I suddenly felt the worst loneliness ever, deep to the core, I’m in a terrible marriage and trying to get out, so frightened of what’s going to happen to me but I will leave and see what happens as I am so beyond sad.

      For me I know it’s because I’m getting older even though I feel younger! think it just hits us and we realize time goes by so fast. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone, look after yourself.

  105. shelly says:

    Hello, when I was six years old my brother raped me. After that, I couldn’t make friends anymore. My best friend, when I was six , rejected me and was not my friend anymore. I’m 32 now, and that’s how long its been since I had a good, healthy friend. I can honestly say that god almighty himself reached down his hand, and slowly pulled me up through all the pain of everything you go through but don’t feel. And I felt all the sadness that was just sitting there in my heart. I’m quite sure in the next few months I will be ready for a real friend. The holy spirit is called the counselor and I know that’s what he’s been for me. He’s teaching me to look at myself in a better light, and not believe the lies about not being good for anything. I think I’m starting to feel normal, finally. Thanks

  106. Pate says:

    I am 59 years old and have been married for 27 years. We have 3 kids who are in their early 20s. I have worked full-time throughout our marriage because of money issues. I grew up in the northeast where I had a lot of friends and family. I had a very rich social life growing up. But over the years, people in my life have slowly passed away or moved away. A couple of years ago, we moved west due to a job opportunity for my husband. Now I feel really alone. I work full-time at a fairly intense, stressful job. When I get home, I am very tired. Weekends are usually spent catching up around the house. My husband is a couple of years older than me and has some health problems over the last several years. He still works full-time and has a part-time job on the side because of our financial issues. We are still struggling financially because we’ve never made a lot of money and we’ve had a lot of bills. We cannot afford to travel to see old friends and family around the country. My husband’s health issues have slowed him down. He was always on the quiet side but now that’s increased. All he does in his spare time is to sit in his lazy boy chair and watch TV. He’d be happy there day and night. He is not much of a conversationalist. If I want to go out, I have to make the plans. If I want a conversation, I have to start it and carry it on. I feel very alone because he really doesn’t interact much with me or want to go out. I tried to meet people in our new town, but it’s hard when you work full-time at an intense job. I feel like all I do it work and come home to take care of the house. I am really bored. My life is so narrow than it was when I was younger. The last few years, I’ve felt mildly depressed and tired all of the time. I just don’t have the same “joi d’vivre” that I used to have. My father passed away a couple of years ago so my mother sold the family home and moved in with my sister so I can’t “go home” for visit anymore where I grew up. Everything has changed and I don’t like it. I’m really bored, lonely, tired, and mildly depressed. I don’t do much other than work, take care of the house, and watch some TV. Help!!!!!!

  107. Ali says:

    Hi , I read most of the comments. I feel everything your all feeling! My story is no different! Married to a man I love dearly but due to drug addiction (both) he now is in treatment and I’m working on DBT classes. However were separated and don’t live together. I have few friends and don’t want to damper anyone’s day! My career as a stylist is going down the drain and finances owed is too much to bear! I know I have a responsibility to my debit and want to take care of it , but the depression and anxiety I face is got a hold on me where it stops me from working!!!!!!! My husband does not understand, my family doesn’t know the extent of it all ( they’d only want to hear the “good things” ) so there for I feel trapped, lonely, isolated in my own prison! I have felt abandoned and pushed away since I was 6 years old! I was sober for 8.5 years till 9 months into my relationship with the man I married almost 2 years ago, I asked him lets get some powder? That’s where it all started! He wasn’t honest from the beginning and it only got worse. He was frequently visiting strip clubs, spending large amounts of money on strippers, not coming home the lies the shit I found ect………… Now he’s in treatment doing well and I am alone with barely a job, maybe 2 friends maybe……. And debit shame guilt of what I have become and the WHY’S?…… Not to mention all the abuse through the years from men, family, some co-workers. I wKe up being great full for what’s I DO have but fall into this toxic and self destructive behavior cause I feel incredibly unworthy!,,,,,,, I’m looking for advice and I can take constructive advise! Please I’m reaching out. I thank everyone who has the courage to share such emotional pain that were not alone ! I’m hopeful and seeking more☺️ Ali

    • Melanie says:

      Meditation. Through meditation you can get in touch with the pain. You have to FEEL it. To observe it while you feel it. It’s an energy field. Try to locate it in your body. Sooner or later the emotions, the pain will fade away. It’s a process. Self-awareness. Good luck!.-

  108. B says:

    I’m 34 married, house wife, two kids both are home schooled, a husband who works long hours, no friends, no life, unhappy, lonely, and depressed.

    I often cry my self to sleep at night. This is not how I pictured my life. I went to school to be an RN. I wanted to travel, but my dreams came to an end shortly after I married. I married at the age of 22 and had my first child 9 months after being married.

    The same week we had our daughter my husband got a job traveling for months on end. Which meant I was home alone with a child and no help from anyone. It seemed like my life went down hill from there. 6 miscarriages and one son later I still find myself unhappy, lonely, depressed, no life and no friends. To top it off I found out I have cancer as well. Needless to say I’m ready to find a tall building to jump off of.

    Everyone tells me to pray, have faith, fight for my kids, be strong ect.. I’ve been alone all my life. I grew up with 3 brothers who hates me and parents who had drug addictions. A step father who raped me and a mother who told me that it was “normal”.

    I can see why I had issues making friends. I met my husband shortly after moving from one state to other. When we first met he is the biggest jerk. It wasn’t until I was in college that we started dating. He was my knight who help me get out my step dad’s house. So needless to say we fell in “love”.

    Now I still find it hard to make friends because I feel like I’m being judged before anyone has the time to get to know me. My past does effect my “ssocial” skills because I come off mean and my husband’s friends are scared of me. I also have a caring side I do show. I find myself helping people hoping that it will make me friends. I end up being used.

    I’m at a loss and have given up on everything. My husband has no time for me, my kids fight all the time, my love life is gone, my cancer is getting worse because of stress, I’m to tired to fight, and have no one to talk too. Lonely doesn’t even come close to what I feel. I find myself praying that my cancer would just take me already.

    • Antonio says:

      Hello I’m gonna start off by saying God loves you and he wants nothing more then you to be happy I know having a husband who travels a lot for work is hard and very lonely but he does so in order to give you and your a kids a good life though I’m not gonna pretend like I know how you feel but I can relate sharing the same feelings of loneliness and sadness and I’m only 21! Yet I’m in a similar emotional position as you all I can say is keep looking forward take your mind off everything else and try to focus your energy on something else, maybe taking your kids out to the park daily going on long bike rides or running if anything I’d be happy to do anything I can to help! I am probably no where near you but if you need someone to talk to I’d be happy to listen after all I could use a friend too!

  109. Teresa says:

    I had devoted my life to my family and work, now I am retired, have no friends or rather real friends, my 2 girls are drug addicts and all they ever want is money or to rescue them from abusive me, I have had enough. I have run all my friends off because of the fact that I worry worry and help my girls out. Yes I have been an enableler for years, I quit being an enabler about a year ago, the girls still hound me to death. I have run all my friends off by standing by my girls. Now I am reitired, no friends and my girls continually need money for rent, cigs and whatever. I would like to find some friends in the Magnolia , Tx area, when I am around folks at least I feel good for a little while. I am married, but my hubby doesn’t seem to feel the way I do. HEL{

  110. Tilly says:

    Yesterday had to pull the car over as I was sobbing so much, things are getting worse and worse and I feel so trapped, so alone, I’ve felt this overwhelming loneliness for the last 6 years, in a terrible marriage, husband who has mood swings, one minute nice the next bad mouthing me to everyone including strangers, over and over and I cannot stand any of this.

    Have had depressive episodes since late teens, tried so many anti-depressant’s with all the side effects and felt so tortured trying to get well.

    I have no self-confidence, no self-esteem, I hate myself for not leaving marriage sooner, I know it’s only me that can do anything about all this and I do try to think positive but you can only take so much, so many things are going on, too much to describe here but this is so bad, I’m in my mid-50’s and do feel younger, like to hike etc but the pain of everything holds me back and I freeze with fear, am I going to end up under a bridge, what job will I do when I leave???

    I am not trained to do anything, I am SO frightened, I stepped back from friend’s years ago as it was too hard to go out or be happy. I sob every day, in the car, have to run out the of the store because I’m going to cry….I try so hard every single day to tell myself everything will be okay but I don’t know that it will be, I end up shaking and breaking down.

    How do you be strong to get out of a situation like this???? have read, just do it…but I’m in such a mess I don’t know what to do first, I am so sad, so unhappy, PLEASE if anyone has suggestions and I wish I could help others. Saw a therapist at my Dr’s who was very nice and I know I have to do something to get out of this misery but where on earth do you find the strength?

    Had an abusive alcoholic father, all that is coming up in my mind, one day I feel so un loveable like I’ve always been told since I was little, I know this is not true but it hurts so badly.

    • Heather says:

      I know it doesn’t count for much, but I know exactly how you feel. I am so alone in most aspects of my life. I literally go 21 hours a day without speaking to anyone outloud. (Except for my cat) my fiancé leaves for work early and when he gets home its dinner and shower then a bit of tv before bed. I live in a rural area so things are a bit remote.
      I don’t have family to rely on. My parents live in upstate NY and dont much bother with me. I get a Facebook message once in awhile but thats it.
      its been so long without any real connection to another human that I have become fearful of other people and experience extreme social anxiety. Its a never ending circle. I don’t know how to stop it or attempt to fix it. Its pretty much the end result of someone who has been let down, ignored, abused and thrown away by every person who should have or supposed to have cared. After so much of that you expect it. If someone said they loved you and/or that they would always be there for you tossed you out, then what is stranger or passing acquaintances capable of? Its easier to hide. But then you dwell on the fact that you are alone.
      I am sorry you hurt and your sad. im sending a hug and happy thoughts.

      • Tilly says:

        Hi Heather and thank you for your reply, hope you are feeling better today.

        I know exactly what you mean, it is never ending circle, it is easier to hide, I try to think positive and some days are better than others.

        My best friend is my dog 🙂 I keep thinking I’ve got to try and get out and meet people but then I don’t even want to, I’ve always thought there was something really wrong with me as I’d rather be alone and not have the pain of people hurting me over and over.

        Hope you’re feeling ok today and know that you are not alone, hugs back to you…

        • Antonio says:

          Both of you ladies, Tilly and Heather, are already on the road to happiness! You are both in a similar situation share similar experiences, thoughts, and emotions and therefore are able to understand each other. The both of you have a hard time making friends yet here you are chatting away like long time buddies. I’d say you have both found a friend in each other, keep in touch with each other because, in my eyes, you are each other’s prayers incarnate. Who knows you two might just become best friends!

      • Joanie says:

        Heather, your post really got to me. I so wish I could drop in, visit, make you a cup of tea… or more realistically, I guess, call and chat and listen.

        I think we should start an email list, or something! It would be of some value just to have others to check in with, perhaps.

        I’m here because I’m suffering too. Isolated, under a black cloud. Friends have drifted, it seems. They were all long distance friends, anyway. I’ve done a lot of moving, as an adult (I’m 42) and as an introverted person with a bit of social anxiety, it’s tough to make new friends in a new place when you don’t work, or have children, and all those things most people regard as common ground markers. I’m also coping with infertility, and trying to come to terms with the reality that I won’t have a child, and figure out what the shape of my life will be, without this major part of it that I’d planned…expected. What now for the future? My partner doesn’t grieve over this as I do. He has a job and a reason to go out of the house, everyday.

        I sleep a lot. During the day. In the hours I am awake, I try to interest myself in learning new things, language, cooking, whatever. I read a lot and play with the dogs and watch a lot of soap opera. Distractions only take you so far. Caring for other people might help, and provide some purpose, but I don’t quite know how to find volunteer opportunities. I’m blind, and people can’t think beyond that, and therefore don’t see me as capable, or of any use.

        I loathe indulging in self-pity, but this is just statement of the nature of things.

        I’m not sure what the point of writing this is… I could just do with a friend. I’d maybe start a blog, if I had the energy.

        • heather says:

          Tea would be wonderful. I adore tea. Thank you everyone for the replies. I didn’t know there was any till I got an email. They made me smile.
          Tilly, dogs are awesome. They have an ability to understand and show compassion far above what most humans are capable of. I am always surprised at the silly and sweet lengths they go to to make us smile and their ability to always be happy to see us and how easily they forgive us misguided bipeds when we have a bad day. My cat is the same way. (His name is mouse so that says it all regarding his mental state, or lack thereof)
          your post got to me as well. I definitely think tea is in order..I can’t imagine all of that going on at once. Its more difficult than most would admit. My fiancé is the same way. He is lucky to work with his best friend so every day is an adventure and playtime for them. Yes its work but they work for themselves and love what they do. Sometimes when he came home he wouldn’t understand why I was so quiet. It took a bit to transition from all day of no talking to instantly having bubbly conversation. Sometimes it was overwhelming.
          I find the nights to be the hardest. At least during the day you could go outside and hear the birds and have some semblance of being grounded or connected to something. At night, its quite. Nothing is open, everyone is sleeping and its a void. Time passes so slow. I have a insomnia so sleep is not a stable thing. 3 hours a day is usually the average, and thats between 4am to 7. It sucks. I can imagine its worse for you with being blind. Your sleep cycles are bound to be off.
          I don’t think blindness should be a put off for anyone or a reason to be seen differently. Maby im different as I have a sister in law thats blind as well as a niece who is a whisker over a year old. Im an advid mountain biker and there is a man who I admire and respect a ton who became a professional downhill mountain bike racer and he is 100% blind and started riding after he lost his sight. Of course hes lucky to have a close relationship with his guode that rides in front of him to call out the trail to him. (To be a downhill racer is insane. Usually involving bombing down the side of the mountain at about 30+mph off off cliffs and drops that could go to 10+feet) not right in the head. I wouldn’t do it. I watch it and it makes me cringe. My broken bones remind me of the pain of past riding mistakes. So if anyone looks at you differently for that then it only shows their insecurity. You may not be able to see like they do but they sure as heck cant hear or smell and feel like you do so who really is the 1 lacking there? My money is on them. You have far more abilities than you give yourself credit for.
          I think an email group is a great idea or even a blog. Im not much up on all the technical stuff. Im 35 and just recently started using Facebook.
          I hope to hear from both of again. It really was super nice to know there is a connection with someone who knows what that lonely path is like. Im sending hugs to you and that nice cozy cup of tea

    • P; ; ; ; ; ; says:


      I had the same problem and I searched for a long long time for answers. Tried different tricks and joined a few web self help groups that tried to teach you tricks non of them worked for me, in fact they seemed to make me more frustrated.
      Then I cam a cross a book called the Spirit Junkie well my world just open up.
      Its all about you and how to love your self first.
      If you are at one with your self then all will be at one with you.
      Try it out you will not regret it.

      P; ; ; ; ; ;

  111. priya says:

    i can relate to everyone….situation might be different but feelings are same…i used to question everyday WHY ME???..the cloud of depression would never evade and darkness kept growing stronger…and suddenly i find a place to voice it out…and have people to hear me…

  112. priya says:

    hi everyone..i stay in a different subcontinent but have the same feeling of depression…no friends…no life….and if i try to come out of such feelings and lonliness,it takes me nowhere…although i am seeing a counseller as well as psychiatrist…it’s been six months now but the situation remains the same…but hearing from all of you has given me the strength to fight it back…thank you John for sharing the method in detail

  113. greatfriend says:

    where is everyone located? i would like to be included in your group.

    • david says:

      hi there its boring without no friends no one to talk to lack of low self esteem and on the social isolation net work as well one with asberges syndrome and social in traction as i have had it for about 18 yrs and one the dateing agents that you join for abit of company tyou have to pay loads off money down but dont find you mrs operfect match as their is not one at al;l and ihad been in all sorts off dateing agencys buty mnot evewr had along term relatiomn ship with any off them noew too as well ,lonlynress their is nop cure for it ihave had that disavantage for years as well and always been single as well and itys very hard to form a` proper on as well now too and ` its`hard andv yours friends are4 not salways be reliablre now too they come tomyounwhen they have got no whgre else to go as well as its`happenred to me in my teens now in my twentys and now the present but they are freiends if they use yolu when they feel like from dave

      • david says:

        hi there name is dave owens and i get ueted by people when i have got money and when i have not got any no ones wants to know at all youve got loads mates when youve got money but when yopu have not got any money they dont want to know and youre friends drop yopu as well one as my depression as gone worse as well and social interaction as well and veey low self esterrm shown in it now too and relation ships are very hard to come by now as the benefits are changeing welfare reforming tax the canccalor george osborne is cutting the benefit down as well and dontn know what people are going ton live on

  114. Someone says:

    I feel all of you since I was born I was lonely. my mother who ruined me and she admits it now after she got some help. My father great man but I rarely saw him why I was young age of 4-8 he worked about 13h a day. Anyway I turned out to be a compulsive lair been that way till. Well til now try to stop. Though lieing has lost me every one that I cared about they all just hate me, I don’t blame them I deserved it. Till this day I am 18 years old btw, I have no friends no relationship no one to talk to maybe I got used to it because I been this way since I was born. But some times I can’t handle it sometimes my dad tells me my eyes are tearing I didn’t even know. I get rage moments were I just don’t know what to do anymore. I though or think of committing suicide many many times. Today is one of them. Though I fear that I shouldn’t do that as long as my dad lives he may need me and I must be there for him, it the only thing that’s stops me. I am a good looking guy, funny, interesting. But lieing turned me to a thing that every one ignores, I just don’t know what to do any more. I just wanna talk to someone. Anyone.

    • Someone says:

      Thus could be the first time I told the whole truth in my life and I wish I would never lie again. But maybe it’s too late, some habits are for life.

      • Lucy says:

        I want to respond to you because my husband tends toward lying. He has been this way for years yet I still love him. It has almost torn us apart at times, but I believe I’m a unique partner for him because my mother is a social worker and taught me growing up about the inner workings of emotions. Anyway, he will take a perfectly good happenstance just the way it is, and add unbelievable fabrications to it. When he tells the stories in the beginning you can see the listener is interested… but then their faces fall when the lies come in. He craves acceptance to the point where I believe he thinks if the story is good they will except me… if it’s exceptional they will except me even more. He doesn’t realize that he’s perfect just the way he is… the moral of my story is that so are you. If you are real with people they will see and embrace the commonalities between you and you will be excepted for who you are. No lie.

        • Someone/shams says:

          Hey Lucy,
          I really do appreciate your comment, I hope it was that easy. But lieing to me has become somthing of a second nature I might lie about eating eggs for breakfast for no reason what so ever some time I ask my self why did I say that but that’s when it’s too late. I try to think alot befor I speak now making sure nothing that come out of my mouth is a lie. It helps and you are right again most of my friends when they find out I am lieing they tell me they would have liked me for who I am not all the inserting stories I told about my self. Sometime I hope for a second chance. I just need to travel somewhere new and start over sadly it’s not as easy as it sounds.

        • Tilly says:

          My husband lies all the time about everything, it’s amazing, he tells lies about me all the time to anyone he talks to, at work, the neighbors, strangers, then when they see him for what he is he just say they are the crazy ones and moves on to the next person.

          It hurts so much that he lies about me and people have treated me badly because of his lies, tells me I’m hallucinating, says he doesn’t lie….it has driven me insane.

          I also know it’s because he has no confidence in himself and thinks if he tells stories he is interesting but I can’t tolerate it 🙁

    • fish sticks says:

      Awww i understand u sound like ur going through alot if u need anything just email me

  115. lexis says:

    I can related to all of you too..I also suffer depression since i was teen now i am 30 I used to have alot of friends when i was younger but since half of them moved away or got married we draft apart

    I would accept everyone who want to be friends and share same common and interest

    • Ana says:

      I completely relate to you. I would like to be your friend as well. I am also accepting others who are alone. It would be nice if all the lonely people could get together and start a meet up. We will be our own friends. Just a thought. Even though I am going through this depression, I want to help others overcome it as well, but I don’t want them to do it alone. I am here for u if u r here for me. ☺

      • Beena says:

        Yes Anna that wd b great.

        • Melissa says:

          Hello, this article really made me see that I am really no fun and my depression and lonliness probably scream this out loud to anyone I have tried to latch on to. I would like as well to be someone’s friend, thank you. 🙂

  116. TheWyoming333 says:

    I was once the “heart throb” of our class. Starting from first year to third year high school. I remember when our teacher would roll call us, I don’t need to answer “present” because one of the girls will answer for me. Girls that sees me walking in the streets would shout “cutie” and they would wave on me. I get sex everyday if I wanted to. Until that cursed day… An accident happened to me, I’m not gonna tell you what exactly happened, it changed my life. The girls that once liked me now dislikes me. Whenever we cross paths they avoid eye to eye contact, as if they don’t know me at all. Even my younger sisters who looked up to me now throws painful words at me. My older brother too. There’s this time when one of them said “You should’ve just died”. Now I’m always alone. When walking on the streets some group of people would say some hurtful words, they laugh at me. All my dreams are gone, I wanted to be a model, or even enter show business, but hopeless now. So many times I tried to kill myself, but whenever I think about what my siblings said, that they want me dead, I stop. Why would I kill myself while they are so happy about it? What happened to me thought me that physical appearance is a big impact on how people will treat you. And that one of the most painful things that could happen to you is when you are once “at the top” and you fall down to nothing. If only I can go back in time. If only you can quit on a problem like what you do in videogames…

    • Bonnie says:

      This must be so hard, I can kind of relate as without being big headed I’m told and admired as a beautiful woman but because of my personality Insecurity and problems I have people don’t hang around me as I have no confidence and let’s face it thats unattractive, so really my point is if I have the “looks” but have no friends due to hang ups, surely if you can have confidence people will draw close to you no matter what u look like as I’m sure ur a lovely person. I know it sounds cheesy but looks have got me nowhere, so it can not be all about that, chin up petal x

  117. Lynn says:

    Hi guys, don’t really know where to begin, I guess I pretty much sounded just like the rest of you guys though…I’m 38 years old, live at home, no friends,I am bipolar, drive a 1998 car and my life sucks! I am on disability from a stroke I had when I was 19 & I’ve already tried killing myself twice, that was a real treat becuz it only landed me in the Looney bin for a stay- hey at least I had friends in that place! Or people to talk to and interact with! That’s all for now…

    • Able says:

      Im 38 and and everything you just post describes my life. Im not motivated to make new friends, and all the friends i had in the past are now married with kids. Fuck Facebook seeing your old friends with wife and kids doesnt help.

  118. Kat says:

    As I write this I dont even have the energy to go into my whole reasoning for being here. Im emotionally exhausted today and it all has to do with so much of what all these posts already state, wearing on me and wearing me out. I can relate. I wish I could reach out and hug everyone because I know I could use that myself sometimes. Sophie for starters- Im right there with you- Im 36/single/cant believe Im not even close to being married. Just keep ending up in the wring relationships. As an adult its harder to make friends. Acquaintences arent the same & theyre never around when you need them most.. I just lost the most amazing love of my life on top of having no friends to help get me through it. No phone calls asking caring to check up on me, ask how I am, share in activities with, etc… You all know how it is.. The tv stays on constantly just for the sound of people around or distraction from the lonliness. The most interaction I get from people is at work. I wont even start on that, like I said- Im too tired… Meetups seem to lead to dead ends… I was listening to something earlier that said “there are a lot of lonely people out there; if youre lonely find someone who’s lonely too and befriend them. Being there for someone else helps takes some of the focus off of yourself and in turn you may make a friend”. Another forum I was reading had some amazing responses to one poster, people in the same boat, offering to be her friend. (She lived across the country from me tho) I would be happy to be a friend to someone here. Only thing is how careful you have to be with info online. For now I guess, venting here is better than nothing at all. God Bless all of you. {{hugs}}

    • Alicia says:

      I understand you so much. I feel EXACTLY the same way.

    • mefrog says:

      i feel exactly like this.

      in a country i wasnt born, noone here i know. my day consist of work, sleep, work sleep. compounded with a hearing disability, makes making friends doubly hard.

      in so much pain, am so tired i just want to be happy

    • Michalene says:

      As I read your post,I can’t help but wonder if we”suffer”from the same type of depression!My entire day, min.,sounds Exactly like your,yours description of the time as it goes slowly by In your day!I Honestly haven’t Ever felt this down before!I’m not sure how to get out of this.It’s Absolutely Terrible!I take med.for depression,but it doesn’t seem to be doing me much good.I thought maybe I was having a midlife crisis of sorts,but I think it’s something else,because I still feel like a complete failure!I’m going through my2nd divorce,I have the Worlds Best Children!

      • Ms.Cosmo says:

        Even though I’ve got the Worlds Best Children,The Only great part about their father,is them.He is & has always been a great financial supporter,other than that,he is a bipolar,alcoholic&refuses to medicate.We fought consistantly throughout our relationship,then it got to an abusive state,this was the1st marriage & the 2nd wasn’t much better,in fact it was worse because we planned to have a child only to find out he was infertile!So basically I I wasted a whole lot of my fertile years!I know that if i had a child to care for it would definetly help me to feel like I had a purpose in my life, until i get past this depression&try to get my depression under control!I Just need thehelp & the time to geT Through it!

      • Tilly says:

        I hear you, have had depression since late teens, am in the midst of leaving husband and feel so alone, such a failure, filled with terrible anxiety I shake and just want to hide in my bed but know I have to do something about all this as no one else can, but…I feel I just can’t do it, I feel like I am just “done” I’m not strong, try positive thinking but the next day right back to square one and so sad and can’t do anything.

        I am so tired mentally, physically and have such a feeling of loneliness it hurts.

    • Beena says:

      My 14 year old daughter is suffering from depression because her friends r turning against her. All of a sudden they find that she’s immature short tempered n rude… she cries for hours has lost her self esteem n feeling v lonely. She hates going to school. She doesn’t hv siblings ..finds herself to b lonely. I tried to intervene but made matters worse.
      I am a housewife n hv been v close to her. She does confide in me sometimes just having emotional outbursts. As a result now I too have become depressed. My husband doesn’t do anything other than blame me. This has had a severe effect on me..I too am in depression. .have nobody to confide in..I spend hours crying. My friends have isolated me..just ignore my ms gs.
      The other kids kids in my outside family r doing v well. She feels inferior to them n doesn’t confide in anyone.
      Can somebody help…It could b even a few words of encouragement or advice.

      • B says:

        I was severely bullied when I was in high school, starting around the age of 13/14. It was like all the girls I had known my entire life woke up one day and hated me. I sympathize with your daughter because at this age your friends are your world. I ended up changing high schools and that worked very well for me. Now, at 29, I’ve realized that I have carried that skepticism for any relationships with girls into my adulthood. I’m married, went to college, got a masters degree, but was and I think still remain severely jaded against having meaningful girl friends. I always think back to the beginning of high school and how I was left so high and dry by myself without a clue what to do. I don’t know if I am at a place where I can offer any advice, except to say that high school passes. Try to encourage your daughter to look outside the clique she was hanging with and don’t let her continue this mindset into her later life. That makes for a very lonely adulthood. She has time to fix things and thrive. Maybe I will let you know when I have figured out how to move past this myself. Until then being alone without close friendships can be debilitating, at least reassure her that she is definitely not alone.

      • Tilly says:

        My daughter is older now but I remember around your daughter’s age the kids can just turn mean and extradite one person from their crowd, it happens of course at other ages but I clearly remember 14/15. Mine would get off the bus crying, this kind of thing happens a lot unfortunately.

        Soon though mine found other friends and it passed but I know as a mom you are hurting because your daughter is and your husband’s attitude isn’t helping, I say that as my husband was the same way, I’d try to talk to him and he’d walk off saying it was my fault which made no sense.

        What is great for your daughter is that you are there for her, this is huge, it will pass for her I’m sure, life goes on and she will find other friend’s even though it feels like the end of the world right now.

        I agree with “B” below, try to encourage your daughter to look outside these other girls and that she will feel better, wish I had better advice, I know its so hard, kids can be so cruel and she is definitely not alone, this type of thing foes on a lot, let he know that and it’s not her, there are nicer friends out there for her and to hold her head up high, big hugs….

  119. Mandy says:

    I can relate to a lot of you feeling depressed. I was sitting here at my computer trying to get some work done, when I had this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. My jobs are pending as we speak, but I felt compelled to write. I am a single mom of 1, 36 years old with no life, and not a single friend to call. My son’s father hates me for no real reason and tries to torment me and make me feel like less of a human being for a lack of social skills. We haven’t been together since my son was 3 and he decided the single life and being a player was what he preferred. Whenever I try to reach out to old girlfriends I went to school with, they don’t seem to want to reply back or I get the occasional, ” I will give you a call, but nothing ever transpires.” I hate myself. I am depressed. I feel alone. I have no one to reach out to and i’m tired of trying to make connections, and no one seems to want to develop a friendship. I have tried the route of reaching out and being a good friend, listening etc., but no one is receptive to it. I’m very worried about what type of example I am setting for my son by being a loner and having no friends at all.

    • Kat says:

      I feel for you. Except for the husband part I can understand how you feel. Actually, the husband/ex part too, to a degree. People can really suck. Its so incredibly hurtful. Hang in there.

    • blkblairwaldorf says:

      Hi if u ever need to talk or have fb I’m here I’m going thru a lot as well and we seem to be very close in age as I am 40 years old with 2 sons, I hope you get this message (God bless) my stories coming soon on here…….

  120. Kristin says:

    My husband and I moved out of state in 2003 after he had to go out on Disability. He was 46, I was 37. Our first year in the new state and area was aflutter with meeting our neighbors, checking out our new town and for that year and a half all seemed to be a new life for us. We took the plunge and left everything behind after we could not afford to live in our home state.

    I have been clinically Bipolar since the age of 22 also with PTSD and OCD. I did volunteer work for animal shelters for 20 years hands on and for awhile there I did think we had a pretty good life despite being on a fixed income at a younger age and my getting turned down for SSDI three times.

    The past eight years have been the worst in my life. My stepfather passed away from cancer in 2006 and since then it has been downhill. Sickness, death, the shelter closing and our own health issues hit us one right after another like a domino effect.

    I now am seriously physically disabled as well as suffering the worst isolation and loneliness I have ever felt in my life. Back in our home state we had so many friends, all the amenities and so much to do. Even though my husband worked 2nd shift for the first 13 years of our marriage, I managed to keep myself busy and do things on the side to fill a void for his absence.

    Now, twelve (12) years later we are at a dead end with no friends, no social life, no family and I am the saddest I have ever been. Despair doesn’t even come close to the way I feel waking up every day with chronic pain, other disabilities and dealing with depression and the Bipolar.

    The feeling is so lonely -like I am in a bubble and the rest of the world is going on around me. I can’t seem to get back to where I was. I was also clinically diagnosed with adrenal burnout from care taking all these years and my Mother is now in skilled nursing. I find I have no hope and no light at the end of the tunnel.

    My husband and I are now constantly at each others’ throats and although I have been to counseling and see my psychiatrist – he procrastinates and sits alone having a pity party. I have never felt sorry for myself and still don’t, but I don’t know what to do anymore. Like the original article mentioned, I want to get back to having a life and yet I isolate and push it away. I don’t return phone calls, turn my chat off on FB and sometimes hide away for a week or two at a time.

    My home which used to serve as my refuge has now become like a prison. I hate looking at it everyday and told my husband I want to get out of here and move to a place where we are around people in a 55 plus community with activities. He gets angry and is reluctant to move even though he knows that things probably won’t get any better. He worked all his life and loves this house, although to me I’d chuck it all in a minute to be happy – to have something to get up for. I can’t work, can’t collect SSDI and I feel like I am just existing. I can literally know what every day is going to be like.

    There are some groups here -very few and due to the pain and upcoming procedure for my neck I really did want to go and see if I could meet people who understood what I’m going through – I know there are many – and many lonely people who have it worse than I do. I see them all the time on Facebook and many have told me that social media has replaced “face to face” friendships. I like my friends on Facebook, but they are all out of state and the chance of our getting together to meet is slim to none. I miss the interaction and even to have someone over for coffee or to watch a movie.

    I’m not a materialistic person and even sitting on a park bench or in the yard would be okay for me as long as it lifted me out of the doldrums and I could get out from under this horrible black cloud that seems like it will never go away. I have thought about suicide, never planned it or attempted it, but I can see how people do. Never in my life have I felt so hopeless, so full of despair and beaten down to the point of where I can’t seem to pick up the pieces anymore.

    Does anyone have any suggestions or resources? Any feedback I would truly be grateful for, because to think of living the rest of my life this way is almost more than I can handle.

    Prayers and all good wishes, healing and light to everyone going through the same or worse…my heart is with all of you…

    • Teapot says:

      I understand how you feel. Neck pain is the absolute worst thing a person could ever deal with. I’m not sure if things will get better as I am in a similar situation in regards to the depression and neck pain, but the brighter side is that at least you have someone there. I am all alone with no one to turn to. I’ve never had friends and my pain has exasperated my depression so I would kill to just have a body there. I hope I don’t make you feel guilt. I hope this gives you a little light and gives you a little bit of solace to know you have your husband.

      • blkblairwaldorf says:

        As I was telling the other lady its people out here going thru the same thing and plp don’t understand…..(lovelightandblessings) #samesituation

    • Tilly says:

      Hi, hope you are okay, I totally understand everything you’re saying, yes neck pain is beyond terrible, I had a car accident and live with chronic pain which does not help the loneliness, sadness etc. I also have depression, PTSD etc. I tremble and shake inside and get flashbacks.

      I’m trying to leave an awful husband and fight everyday to feel better, some days are so bad and all I do is hide in this house and sob.

      You are not alone, hugs…

  121. pooja says:

    Iv read some of the above posts and i think i can really relate to them .Im 19 years old and iv been diagnosoed with MDD .Iv been like thins for as long as i can remember . When i was in school my best friend turned into my worst enemy .I know i made some mistakes and i wasnt the most fun person to hang out with.I remember i wouldnever be able to laugh at things other people thought were really funny.I just wasnt in a state where i could just let go and laugh.I became increasingly more and more quiet.I made another friend who was considered the most quiet kid in my grade .She had her own situation to deal wih but i think our personalities are a little too different to ever actually be best of friends.I was a target for bullies in high school .During my 11th and 12th grade i can honestly say that i dint have a single friend. i ate lunch alone .It was a really bad time.I think ii was at my worse then . I messed up big time and dint get into the college of my choice.There was a lot of pressure and workload and i just couldnt dealwith it. During my first year in college i just wanted to work hard and get good marks and surprising i did actually do it. But things changed this year ,i made two friends during my first year(lets call them M and P) the rest of my class thought and some still think im a looser and a geek. This year things started changing M wanted to become popular and she started desperately trying to hang out with the cool kids and P also found certain things in common with them.The situation was really complicated and i tried hard and finally became friends with those kids as well .P started looking at me like i was the looser who hung on to yhem so i did the only thing i could think of i started hanging out with others from the gang ,i think our relationship is very strained right now .we are civil to each other and pretend like there is no problem between us but i know there is a lot of enmity .M started to recently make fun of me and is mean to me.So bacically im back to where i started from i dont really have any friend at all iv lost the ones i had.I just wish ii was more stable and not depressed all the time and i wish the people around me werenot so bitchy and i wish i could have normal conversations without getting awkward ,I really wish my situation was a different.Even my scores are really low this time and i have my finals this month I dont know shit if my scores are low again Im not sure I could get into a good college for my masters .I wonder how some people seem to have it all ,How are they able to manage people aound them so well?? i dont know what to do i think im going to just keep myself apart for some time give them some space and just home i can make things better again.I dont kow what else to do

  122. Tim says:

    iv’e had depression and social anxiety for as long as i can remember. i’m 31 now, and the older i get the more desperate i am feeling to sort this out, but it feels like i have left it for so long to get out and meet people, that my social skills are undeveloped compared to other people around me of all ages.

    I used to live a life of low level street crime and hung around with unsavoury characters since i left school. they were the only ‘friends’ i had that i could feel comfortable with. friends like that stab you in the back. you find out eventually that when push comes to shove, every man is for himself.

    my exit out of that lifestyle happened when i met my ex girlfriend. my first real long term girlfriend. i was about 22 at the time. she had issues of her own, and a drink problem. it was an on and off relationship over about 8 years. by the time i finally walked out on her for the last time, i had no friends left. and i had to move back into my parents….

    i never thought i’d feel so old and lonely and without a pot to p*ss in at this age (31)
    i see young couples around me starting families and buying houses with their qualifications and well paid jobs etc, their faces fresh and optimistic and i feel its all too late for me. i took time and opportunity for granted.
    too awkward now to meet girls or make friends.

    i know i can improve my situation if i really put the effort in. iv’e survived so many things. but socializing/dating is the scariest thing of all to me.
    its no problem when im at work, because i’m playing a role like all the other ants. but outside of work i feel like i’m lacking an identity.

    i’d like to blame my parents for not kicking my ass enough, and my dad for being partly disabled. he doesnt act like a real man about it. just a pussy who makes excuses. no inspiration or strong father figure in my family. he never taught me to get off my ass and go talk to girls, or to get my homework done, or go to college etc. maybe i’m the one making excuses? i just feel i could have done with more guidance, rather than unconditional love from them. i was always ashamed and embarassed of my parents, who were both older than the average parents for my age, and was reluctant to take friends home when i was younger, and i still feel a bit of that embarrassment to this day! not due to age, just the way they are. talk about issues… but i do love them still.

    anyway. that’s my depressing life story i had to share. as with anyone’s story there is so much more, but there’s no need for me to put others through it. if anyone could relate it would be nice, but definitely not expected!

    thank you and best wishes.

    • Jess says:

      Your not alone, i feel so much the same way in a lot of what you’ve said. Even tho our life stories are very different, we all walk a different walks in life, and I’m learning to not worry so much of what happend in the past but try and make today and the next better because life really is too short for regrets!

  123. Leon says:

    Reading all of these stories make me feel a little relieved, but this is only because i know I’m not alone in this mess of a life i have. Hey, I’m Leon and I’m 18 years old. I just started college this past fall hoping i could start from scratch from the horrible end i had to high school. I’d say its been about 9 months now since i actually had a “real friend” or something of that sort. Since then I’ve been cooped up in my room pretty much everyday. I only exit my room to go to classes or to go to the gym really. I’m not sure how to break my everyday cycle at this point. I’m not antisocial or anything like that I’ve just not been able to make a friend or anything farther than that of an acquaintance in a really long time. I just don’t know how to anymore. The worst part is most of the time i don’t feel sad about it like i should. I don’t really feel much of anything anymore these days. But sometimes i just get these spurts of overwhelming despair that bring me to tears and i keep telling myself that that will be the last time but its not and i don’t think it will be for a long time, a very long time. I usually don’t post things like this on any type of forum because the usual response is “Oh, but you’re so young you’ll be fine.” The thing is that’s an absolute lie. I won’t be fine. I’m not fine. I’m terrible and I’m only getting worse. I feel as if I’m wasting my youth away in my room while everyone else lives their lives and have all the fun in the world as they should and it kills me. It feels as if I am wasting a perfectly good life someone else would’ve had in my place. It’s not that i hate myself in fact i like everything about me except the fact that i live such a useless, dull, and disgraceful existence. I don’t really have anybody at all. Of course I’ve never really been that important to anyone all my life. I’ve always been the extra and i don’t think that will change no matter what i do. I can’t say I’m not to blame though either. I’m positive the depression pushes me away from people and i just assume there’s no point. I do try, but it seems as though no one is even remotely interested. I don’t know what i did to get my life to this low point, but i don’t see myself being happy. I just can’t. I think if anyone came up to me and asked to be my friend i would freeze and not know how to react. At this point I think I’m destined for loneliness and depression. I guess I’m just one of the unlucky ones ya’know? That what i’d like to think anyway. I just hope it ends soon, somehow.

    • unknown says:

      Don’t worry. I am in the same situation. Well I am 17, a senior in high school, but I totally get what you are saying. It frikken sucks!! Like I am constantly wondering to myself like why, I have such a useless life and dont do anything.

      Different from you, I was diagnosed with a TBI in 2012, so as a 14 year old. I try my hardest to blend in with everyone, so you can’t notice tht I am diagnosed. And damm can I say I think I do a good job at it. ITs just socially challenging now. Like you said, both of us have a daily routine and it really gets boring now days, and we both want to change it. But how?!?!?!

      Like same with me, if someone came up to me and asked to be my friend IDK what I would do. I think that I would just freeze. Like I will try to be there friend I think, but I dont want to fall in the wrong group of ppl especially.

      Theres the geeks and the cool people. But then with the geeks there is a really good successful education and life, but the with the cool people there is drugs and consequences. (I mean that as examples, not all geeks and cool people are like tht).

      But I know one thing that has caused my depression/looniness is I will admit that I have a trusting issue, Like who can I trust with all of this and what not.

      Also I dont post stuff normally like you, but your comment was really touching and I so related to it. I just really hope life gets better as you grow up.

      (: DUCES \m/ from Hawaii ALOHA

      • Leon says:

        Wow. To start i should say i apologize for being to late in responding to your reply it was put in my spam folder :/. Aside from that though thank you for taking the time to respond. Since i posted this I’ve slightly improved my situation though not by much. Even though its a month later this makes me kind of happy to know there are others with graver situations than i who are able to stay so strong. If you’re strong enough to keep going then i feel i can be as well. Again thanks for replying i really appreciate it :-D.

    • christy says:

      im 19 and i literally feel the EXACT same as you. only probably even worser off because im not attending college right now, and i feel like i barely know how to talk to people anymore. i just feel like a waste of space. its been about 9 months of this for me too actually, but now its really started to hit me, i just feel depressed like every smile is fake, and i did have friends, but ive been so ashamed of myself for the state im in, ive just blocked off contact to friends cuz i dont want judgment of people saying im lazy, and a waste of talent and such. im not lazy im just so driven by fear and i dont even know why. and i have one friend (weve been friends for 15 years) that was in the same situation as me, but she got a job recently and has been climbing her way out of the hole, and just seems like shed rather hangout with her other friend who has big groups of friends who can further help her out of the hole, rather waste time with someone like me whos depressed and still trapped. which i can understand, but it still hurts…but i know that its always darkest before the dawn, i know that things will get better somehow. so all i can say, in this time we’re in, is never lose hope, things will turn around, just keep fighting through. way i see it, even if you may see these times (or maybe even yourself altogether) as useless and a waste, its really not true, because you need to go through pain and hard times to be able to grow stronger and deeper, and more understanding of what others go through, so that once you get out of it, you can be the light that gives others hope in their times of darkness. everybody has their own demons; goes through there own struggles, its just a part of being alive, so just keep pushing forward.

      • Leon says:

        Hey Christy, i’m sorry I’m late on replying i had not looked at my spam folder in a while and that is where the replies were. You have no idea how much these responses mean to me. They honestly lifted me up a bit. I’ve tried to change a few things and im trying to catch up with some old friends. Hopefully that gets me out of the rut. The weather is also getting really nice so some time outside will clear my head a bit. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I can’t say i understand it cause I’ve never had a friend for as long as you have. I do wish you the best of luck and i really hope thing’s go well for you. It’s pretty insane how the nicest of people end up in the worst of situation, eh? But If you’re going to continue fighting, then so am i! Hopefully there are only great things to come in our futures. Thanks again for taking your time to do this and tell me your story. Idk if it means much but you’ve definitely lifted my spirits! :]

  124. no one says:

    I have no one. When I met my ex I was a student. but recession happened and I lost everything, can’t find another job and I can’t continue school.
    He left me too, and people told me to get a job, I applied only rejections made me more deeper into depression. How ironic.
    I don’t have any friends! none. And the so called friends I have in high school don’t like me because I’m too negative, going to school was the reason for me to have a life, to make me feel free and happy and when I cannot continue anymore and no one will hire me I just felt that they are all against me and I should just end my life.

    It sucks so much, I’m struggling to meet new people in town because I’m afraid they’ll see how badly I look and they will get repugnant of my views of life.
    The truth, I’m broken and I don’t want people to see me like this, but when I’m alone doing my own thing, having a wonderful time by myself I don’t really care what people think. But sometimes I just wish I have a best friend that will stay by my side even if she see how sad my eyes are.
    No one likes to be around sad person like me.
    That’s why I’m a recluse loner with depression.

    I hate this.

    • mortalstrike says:

      It’s a vicious cycle, trying to make friends only to be so concerned about what they might think about you, which is usually a result of not having friends to begin with. Just remember this truth; nobody will know you as you know you. Unless there’s somebody in your life you can trust without question, you must be your own best friend. Ask yourself, what advice would you give yourself if you weren’t you? Like you I had to drop out of school, couldn’t find a job, I resorted to selling weed because I thought it would be a good way to meet people and provide some income at the same time. My best friend of 10 years got me arrested/ratted me out. You never know when you’re going to be abandoned/backstabbed by somebody, and it’s worst when you think you can trust them completely. If you don’t let anyone get close to you, they can’t hurt you. Don’t give up. Don’t focus on things you have no power to change. Just be yourself, and hey, sometimes 2 broken souls can come together and make something beautiful. The world is a beautiful place, it’s just the people who live on it who suck.

  125. Alex says:

    It is so disheartening to read these stories, but at the same time I see that I am not the only one who feels like this. I too am alone. I think at this stage I have given up on people. I am tired of trying to make friends. There are times in which I think I have overcome loneliness, but after a while it comes back and I feel so sad about it. I don’t know why but all my friendships have been temporary, all have disappeared with time. I do have one good friend, but she lives in another country, last year I only got to see her for one day. We keep in touch regularly, but you can only do so much when you live in separate continents thousands of miles away from each other. I hate my job. At the same time I feel so down and depressed that I am unable to look for another job. I work in a low paid hospitality job that pushes me down more into my depression as time progresses. However I cannot quit it. Without money I would not be able to pay rent. I cannot afford a place for myself so I have to share an apartment. My housemates are good people, but not friend material. Our relationship is cordial, but we are just housemates, nothing else. I would say work is what affects me the most. I have stopped talking to people I knew because I do not want them to know about my job. I wonder what went wrong, where I screwed up, why a guy with an academic education, a degree and skills cannot get a decent paid job like anyone else his age. I am about to turn 34 and I am so lost. Sometimes I feel like giving up and just wait. I haven’t looked for a job for so long, but then when I do it really is disheartening to read all those rejections, requirements, it makes me feel worthless. Then people with fewer skills than me get better-paid jobs; have friends, girlfriends, etc.
    I do go out sometimes (rarely though), with people from work, they are all younger than me, they are all doing that job while they go through uni so that they don’t have to do that in the future, like me. I am not sure what they think of me. I do a good job of hiding all this.
    I do have some ‘friends’, people I see once in a while for a drink or a chat, but nothing else comes out of that. They are all busy or doing things on the weekend with other people more important than me I guess, and when they give me the chance of meeting with them I never mention depression or problems, we talk about other things. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone else who is depressed, who can understand me. Like I have said previously, all of my friendships have expired after a few years, generally no more than three. Either they move or they don’t answer my messages anymore. I moved to this country about 10 years ago. I already had depression from my home country, but I needed to escape from life and an abusive father (with whom I have patched things up since although since he is so far away he is of no help to me and is unaware of my situation, I am too embarrassed to tell him the truth). I have a few remaining friends from back then, but I barely keep in touch with them, also embarrassed of telling them the truth about my situation. Living on the other side of the world affects friendships. My mother lives in the same city I do, however I tend not to see her, she’s selfish, has an acid tongue and has done me a lot of harm. Other than her I have no other relatives in this country or any brothers or sisters.
    On weekends I feel so tired I’ll just be in bed and I’ll only get up to use the toilet or to munch on something to get rid of the hunger because I feel even unable to cook something. In the meanwhile I am putting on weight and getting unfit. I used to go to the gym but I stopped because it all became too much, I had no energy left. Weekends are depressing, I will just stay in bed with the computer, I avoid going out because seeing the streets full of people being happy inside the cafes and the restaurants depresses me even more. Apart from that I have no one to go anywhere with. The only good thing about the weekend is that I am not at work. I don’t know what to do, I know that I hate the place where I am working, but I feel unable to look for another job. The worst thing is that as I get older and time passes it will be even more difficult to get a decent job. I never thought my life was going to be like this. If only I had a job that I could barely enjoy and paid me more so that I could get my own place. I am not even asking for friends. I just want to be alone so that I can ‘enjoy’ loneliness if that is possible. I know I sound contradictory, but in my current situation privacy is a luxury. Whether at home or at work people constantly surround me. It is ironic that I am so alone yet always surrounded by people. I think I would definitely cope better with my situation if I could just live by myself, but I can’t even get that. That is my story. At least I am glad some people will understand how I feel. I have seen three psychologists over the last years, I have also tried medication, three different types. It always ends up being me the one who has to do things, the one who has to change. I feel powerless and fatigued, as if everything seemed a big effort. I don’t know where my life is going and everyday feels as if I could not stand it any longer, yet I keep doing the same thing day after day. Thanks for giving me the chance to tell me story.

  126. Aaron says:

    I too have had it tough, and i am feeling more empty i was always keen on finding a girlfriend from a young age 17 i got depressed after walk out of a job, wasnt till i was 22 that i came out of it but still STRESS i found a job cleaning toilets, part time minimum wage, i did until it 24 even though i am out of the depression i am 25 now still no friends or girlfriend never achieved anything in school and i jst feel like i am getting older and i hope i can be happy never once did i get help and when i was depressed you gotta remember all the other problems life throws at you, deaths bearvements poverty, now i work full time cleaning its i was a boxer when i was young lad and my depression kicked all the confidence and go out of me i gain weight and lost my hair, sat around the house for years life is too short and not very exciting, the good thing is i have no fear of dying but i hate my personalilty and who i am.

  127. Grey says:

    Myself here been very very depressed , im looking for way out…. Out from this madness , all its symptoms been through it before , betrayal, loss, lonely , feeling no purpose and even suicide
    The only thing we have in common is one word “friend”
    The thing that i never understand how it works..
    Ive tried many things to get it and still nothing works… I know it must be me whose wrong because community been that way since long time , me who cant adapt to something that made them away from me
    I just want to be accepted but it seems very hard
    But that difference makes me thinking different than them , i feel like i understand better than they are idk if it true or just an ego but it does help me through life
    What im trying to say is we may not have friends or social like them but we may have something invaluable to fill gap and make it worth while

  128. Peter says:

    Same here. 29 and have seen so many funerals. Not wedding even once. Before 2006 we had 5 graves to tend to. After 2013 I alone have 10 graves. Cancers, strokes, pneumonias. No family, no wife, no gf, no life. Dead end job with 400 euros a month. Attending university while living in dorm. Un homme qui dort.

  129. Aby says:


    I am 27 years old and already feeling like cancelling this post because i dont know exactly which part of my life made me this way. Was it being raised in partriarchal society with me being the only daughter or losing both my parents by 20 to cancer one after the other without much time to even wrap my head around. Moving around all my life and living in different places, forced to take up a career that conflicted with my personality. At this stage married with 3 degrees but depression has taken the better of me’ im constantly tired get loads of health problems which are all too confusing or maybe all inter related. Used anti depressants for 3 years only to make me a zombie and then having to deal with all thte horrendous withdrawal symptoms. I feel as if i have literally slipped out of life’ or atleast life that keeps you in the cycle where if people
    Arent happy theyre atleast busy enough not to notice. I am a sociable person but do tend to not make an effort for meaningless relationships. I may or may not get bored. But i always feel deeply sad and almost like i donot fit into the model of the world that we do have now.

    • Ahmed says:

      Its so encouraging to know that i am not the only one feeling this way. Although i have quite a bit in life i still get suicidal thoughts and have severe lack of motivation. Depression has really taken grip of me. One possible way of overcoming it is by moving to a new place. i have travelled to more than 40 countries and i am still 27. But right now i feel like life is going on a downward spiral and I have to do something to pull myself out of this rut or else it wont be long before i think of suicide on a serious note. Aby I would like to make friends with you and lets see if we can comfort each other by sharing our stories.

  130. Katherine says:

    All your stories sound very much like mine. I’ve had ADHD \OCD since I was a kid. I just lost my mom in Jan. I’ve seen a lot of sickness and death since I was 9 and I’ll be 25 in July. It seems like everyone has just up and left me.

  131. Gigi says:

    I think friendship is over rated. Society makes us believe we need friends or there is something wrong with us if we have no friends. I personally choose not to have friends because of how many of my past frendships turned out to betray and be disloyal to me. I always made friends easily and had many, times have changed though. In the past having friends may have been desirable, but in todays narcississtic society of selfies and trying to become an over night celebrity on YouTube I don’t find myself having much desire to allow strangers into my private life anymore – just watch Dateline, 20/20 and the many other shows that tell the stories of so many people who become the victims of so-called “friends” and new acquaintences they allowed into their lives. Juzt seems safer today to keep my circle small.

  132. Sophie says:

    It sounds like most people (and yourself, John) have/had friends but somehow lost them because of the depression while I never really had friends in my life to even push away in the first place. A big reason why I’m so depressed is because of not having friends which translates into loneliness. Alone almost all the time with the exception of some time spent with family but even that’s rare since they are busy with their own individual families.

    Another reason is that I don’t have the benefit of the support of a spouse. I am not married, despite deeply wishing I were. But I feel the reality of that coming true slipping away as I get older, at almost 39 now and my biological clock ticking. Not having friends is an awful thing but when you have a spouse, you have someone to lean on somewhat, in your depression. In the absence of both for someone like me, struggling to get through each day feels like such a battle.

    • g says:

      I so glad I found thus site my crisis has been on going for the last 5 years, and now at its worst I decided that I cannot see future so this is it at the place where I am I settle everything up & go. The pain the PAIN all my life has come in one huge dump of so much loss it does not balance out I have given up trying to push through

  133. Oscar says:

    I have read through a lot on this page and can somewhat relate to all of it, long story short, had friends lost them from self isolation, no job no energy, sleep more hours of the day/night than I do awake sometimes 2-3days asleep at a time usually only wake up because my body is aching only source of food is fast food – quick and inconvenient…. msg old friends on facebook, don’t get replies after they have seen the inbox’ get tagged in irrelevant meme photos quoting my name and a laugh with no acknowledgement of my comments sounds like I am venting but I am really just explaining the struggle in which ive grown numb to, best friend is an ipad family is to busy been like this since 20-21 y/o am now 28 I use to be a clean freak, OCD etc…now all efforts for personal hygiene are quite disturbing went from addicted gym addict with motivated lifestyle to a complete keg that gets heart palpitations performing simple tasks recent tests from an echocardiogram display the ugly truth I try talk to people but obviously sound like more of a liability than interesting – can honestly say with the health problems I have developed over the past few years from this dark illness that its all I really look forward to I know it sounds selfish but all I can really say in my defence is that it is a selfish illness – if anyone has a cure for this curse please feel free to share – sorry for wasting everyones time

    • Alex says:

      It was not a waste of time. You (and me, and everyone who can relate to all of this) just need to find what it is that make sense to us. I have found myself isolating from my friends and family…it is not a good thing…maybe, if you are like me, we cannot talk to all of them to explain, but maybe we can find one person to be totally open to, and who listens to us and maybe give us some advice… I’m here if you ever need to vent. Have a nice day.

      • pauline says:

        Hi Alex I’m at my witts end with my partner I feel I’m on a roller coaster one day he fine the next I don’t no what he feels for me if anything partner has bad depression he don’t go out the house for days don’t speak to anyone ..we have long distance relationship and we speak every night sometimes he can’t be bothered and says he going cause he has nothing to say ..sometimes when I say I’m going to come spend time with him he seems to not really want me too I don’t no what to make of our relationship as I don’t no what he wants from me I tread on egg shells most of time for fear of giving him the hump this is making me sad ..he lost his wife 4 years ago and he sits and gets depressed about it all he also hasn’t got the relationship he would like with his daughter she don’t see him or replays to his calls etc ..I’m always there for him and he knows I love him but I feel sometimes he likes being in this depressed state that he feels guilty to be happy ..he sits in chair all day listening to the radio with his thoughts which brings him down and down I think he needs help I don’t understand how to help him ..its very hard loving someone that makes you feel that they don’t even care about you and your feelings ..I don’t want to give up on him as when I’m there with him he can be so different but sometimes he makes e feel he just wants me to go home ..this is affecting me I’m getting sad and feeling low I really don’t no what to do

  134. Cassie says:

    Hi all..
    I’m a fifty year old women suffering PTSD severe depression and anxiety, when I was 2 my father started sexually abusing me it didn’t stop till I was 16. Twice he made me pregnant and twice my mother “dealt”with it, I was 11 the first time and 13 the second. When I was 9 he used to invite his mates over and they would pay my father to spend time with me. This continued till I left home at 16. This all hit me 4 years ago and I became a useless member of society. I had never told anyone but my husband what had happened to me and I liked it that way, I was safe. Then he met my parents…2 years later we were divorced. I have two wonderful adult children with him which he only made contact with when they reached 18 and 20.
    I am now having to move as my son is building a house with his girlfriend and apparently there is no room for me!
    I have never been alone and I am completely terrified of being so.
    Yes I have had therapy numerous times but they all say my PTSD will never go away, so what is the point??!!!! I have no friends no job and the one thing I would dearly wish to have is the feeling of being truly loved. I have been betrayed by my so called parents and I feel empty and defunct.
    I know what you are all going through within your lives and I truly wish it wasn’t so, my love to you all and I really mean these words.
    Please don’t become the empty shell of a person that I have sadly become.

    • R says:

      Dear Cassie,
      I have been moved to tears and stopped in my tracks by the extent of the trauma and suffering you have endured.You must be an incredibly strong person to have survived although you probably don’t feel that way right now.My sister was also abused by our father over the same age period you describe although she thankfully escaped pregnancy.
      It upsets me that you have been told by ‘therapists’ that your very understandable PTSD will never go away as it implies that you will be unable to heal and no doubt induces feelings of hopelessness on your part.I believe that healing is possible and perhaps your current circumstances are providing you with the perfect opportunity to do that now, indeed it sounds as though you are almost being forced to do so which in the long run is a good thing.
      I wouldn’t see the move as a loss but rather as an opportunity to give yourself and your life the attention and love that you so need.I wonder if the therapy that you received was from a centre or person that deals specifically with sexual abuse? I don’t know where you are in the world but i was able to locate a centre in my sisters city in the UK that provides free counselling sessions face-to-face or over the phone just for the survivors of sexual abuse.Also I would look into support groups either online or in person where you could share your story with sympathetic others and perhaps make some friends in the process.The other thing that comes to mind is that someone with your experience and clear compassion could really help others to heal and help to heal yourself in the process, have you considered training to become a counsellor yourself?
      All is not lost for you Cassie and this is Your time to heal and develop a loving relationship with yourself first and foremost and start to fill the emptiness that you feel inside.
      I know you didn’t ask for advice and i hope its been ok to say all this but i feel so moved by your story.I am thinking of you and sending you love.
      p.s. I have also suffered with severe depression and anxiety for most of the last 20 years and recently started ‘The Artists Way’ by Julia Cameron which helps to uncover and heal your True self through creativity.It has been helping.X.

      • Cassie says:

        Hello R,
        Thank you for your kind words and advice.
        I am in Australia melbourne actually and I have been to 4 psychologists and 2 psychiatrists in the space of the 4 years, all of them say the same thing about never recovering and having to live with what happened to me the best I can.
        I have a never ending empathy for anyone in the same position as myself and yes I have tried to obtain a bachelor of social sciences(counselling) but during the latter part of the year suffered a breakdown and the college felt it was best to cease study. I was devastated and the loss of my dream coming true made it clear to me that I was indeed useless. I should try again maybe by studying online, but am scared that I will fail yet again.
        I want to thank you”R” for taking the time to write a reply to me. So take care of you and please continue on your road to healing as I shall also try.

        • R says:

          Dear Cassie,
          Its funny that you should be in Australia because my name is Roo! You made my day by responding because i had been worrying that maybe i had sounded condescending.
          I also feel like a complete failure.I had used school as an escape from the horrors at home and managed to get a place to study law at a top university,then my parents went to prison,ironically,and i had to stay home to look after my 3 younger siblings.I deferred my place but found out later that it had been cancelled instead.
          Since then it has been a slippery slope downwards and i have never been able to get it together again.I also tried to return to college last year but had to drop-out and i agree that this is devastating when your self-esteem is already so fragile.It brought a stark realisation though that i definitely am not ready and whether i want to or not I’m going to have to face the inner pain and old trauma and try to heal it somehow.
          I also haven’t had much help through counselling and so it would seem that somehow we have to do it ourselves.There is that flicker of hope though that life can change suddenly and unexpectedly and we don’t know whats round the corner.So don’t give up!
          Much love,RooX

          • Cassie says:

            Hello Roo!..
            You sound like you have had it tough for a long time! You also should be very proud of yourself as stepping into the role of a parent to your siblings must have been difficult, but you have taken strength from within and have become someone they will look up to.
            After reading your reply to me I took the bull by the horns and enrolled in an online Diploma of Counselling! You gave me a lot to think about in your reply, if I can help one person from suffering the ugliness and darkness of depression, anxiety or just feeling down then it will be so worthwhile.
            I’m scared that I will fail again but I must try!! If I don’t try again and again I may as well just be in the ground.
            As you say there is a flicker of hope that things can change suddenly and unexpectedly, and I dearly want this to be true for us both!!
            Roo just keep bounding along and don’t give up ever, keep strong. Keep fighting!
            Love Cassie xx

          • R says:

            Dear Cassie,
            Wow! thats such Brilliant news,I feel so proud of you! You made me cry again but this time from joy which is a very good feeling and i feel good about me too for actually being able to help in some way.
            As my grandmother used to say, we have to ‘turn our shit into manure’ and helping others through our empathy and experiences is a good way to do that.
            It wouldn’t let me post this under your reply so i hope you still get to read it.I would love to stay in touch as i feel some kind of bond with you and you have made a friend here {on the ‘no friends’ stream!} so if you would too my email is But either way I wish you all the best on your journey and will be thinking of you.
            Much love, Roo and Well Done You! X

      • Cassie says:

        Hi roo
        Have tried to email you however they keep bouncing back to me

        • R says:

          Hi Cassie,
          Sorry to hear that and not sure why thats happening,the address is correct.Maybe there was a glitch so can you retry? Or alternatively if you post your email i will contact you {hopefully!}.I look forward to hearing from you,good luck! X {} btw it is zero 6 not letter o6

    • Lisa says:

      Hi Cassie,
      I’m very sorry to hear the horrors that you endured during your childhood. I cannot relate to being molested, but will say that I know for certain I would have been if my mother had stayed with my father after I was born. The first time I ever met my dad, when I was about 10 years old, it was revealed to me that he was molesting a young girl that worked on his ranch, and she was only two years older than I. Just learning of that was traumatic for me, so I thank God every day that my dad was not in my life.

      I would imagine that what your dad was doing to you created some issues with you and your mother as well. It sounds like your mom was very much in denial in many, many ways, not wanting to acknowledge the terrible things that were being inflicted onto you. I’m so sorry for this. Sexual sins are the worst, especially when young children are involved.

      Your ptsd is quite normal I think for what you have been through, but it is also a sign that your instincts are on high alert and super sensitive. Try to see this as a protective measure, because ptsd can help its sufferers avoid further traumas. You’re probably quite good at reading the signs by now I would think.

      My mom had five marriages, but I was only present for three of them. There was one in there that was very bad, and he used to try to watch me in the shower when I was younger. Shortly thereafter, he molested my younger half-sister when she was only about two years old, which was his full biological daughter. My mother got the courage and strength to leave him after that, but unfortunately, later went back to him years later. It was all very damaging to my family. The trauma bonds that sick men create can be very difficult to break, but it is those trauma bonds that create ptsd in their victims. And so the generational curse can unfortunately repeat itself.

      I’m not sure what your spiritual beliefs are, but I do have faith in God and Jesus Christ. The Bible is full of terrible things that happened to both men and women and innocent children, including incest. God hates those things, but He promises His people redemption and eternal life. Someday the order of things will be reversed for His people, and the wrongs that have been inflicted for sexual sins will be reconciled. Just because you feel weak and useless now does not mean you will always feel that way. God knows what is happening here, and He will make things right eventually, in His timing.

      My ptsd is likely not on the same level as yours, but the only sanctuary I have found for dealing with it and minimizing it is by trying to stay close to the Christian church (not just any church). God is the only remedy I have found for my ptsd.

      Also, a Christian woman I know that is highly esteemed in the community told me that her church had a former woman that was a member of a satanic occult. This woman had been molested by satanic occult members ever since she was just a young child, so her affiliation with this occult was not voluntary, but forced upon her by her parents. She ended up developing psychosis in her later years due to all of the traumas she endured. The good news is that this woman is apparently now living a completely fulfilling and much better life since she was healed by God several years ago. She even married a Christian man, and apparently wrote a book about it all. So please keep in mind that you are not alone, and my prayers are with you Cassie. God Bless.

  135. rachel says:

    Hi, I do not suffer with depression, once when I broke up with my child hood sweetheart, but my heart mended, so I have some knowledge of depression but not to the depths of which depression can lead to. My dearest, eldest friend suffers with Bipolar and over the last few years with a Border Line Personality disorder. On many occasions I have to step back as I simply cannot always cope with her expectations of me as her best friend. My dear friend has once again had her heart broken due to a failed relationship, we are now in our mid 40s so they have been a few heartaches and severe depression lows we have gone through. We meet up every Monday, usually at the gym for a workout & catch up, occasionally we socialise together but we put an end to that as non of my regular friends would put up with what appears to the outside world a very sour, bitter & miserable women, not exactly great company for a fun night out, as she would burden anyone who will listen to all her woes and who is currently making her feel bad. I am her only friend & it sometimes scares the hell out of me. Over the Christmas period, I failed to involve her with any of my plans, her Mum & son were with her & we dont normally get involved with each other families during the holiday season anyway, however, she is very upset and annoyed i have ‘abandoned’ her and I’m now dreading this evening catch up as she has alread;y warned me she needs to discuss my actions and how I have hurt her. I am tired of feeling guilty of as she puts it, always lucky in life and she always so unlucky. I’m scared that as the last man standing I feel like finally throwing the towel in after 30 years of this emotional rollercoaster. Please help. xx

    • anon says:

      Hi, your post sounds very similar to how I feel about my friend that I feel is so called “abandoning” me, yet we haven’t been on an emotional rollercoaster, as you put it, for the past 30 years. I wish my friend had a little bit of help in knowing what to do when it comes to these bipolar episodes that I occasionally have (failed relationships being a trigger for me as well) and sometimes it might be a good idea to have the input of someone who is going through said episode. I know that sometimes as a very depressed and emotional person that there is always one person in my life that I can count to and go to for everything, and that’s the same for loads of people. And to me it sounds like that best friend is you. I know that sometimes I feel annoying and maybe I feel like i’m pushing her away with all of my sadness, but at the same time all I’m asking for is someone to listen, to love me, not to fix me, but love me while I’m fixing myself. If that makes any sense. I do know that sometimes people feel overburdened because they don’t know how to fix it, or maybe they’ve never dealt with severe depression like your friend has. I would just like to say that you should definitely talk to her and urge her about getting professional help. Find a therapist that she can really connect with. She’s not going to like every therapist that she talks to. Also, don’t exclude her from outings. That’s possibly the worst thing you can do as it sets in those feelings of abandonment and worthlessness, especially after a breakup and especially when it’s your best friend that’s excluding her. As for the miserable company and you being her only friend, what does she like to do? Tell her to get involved in clubs, sign up for a class, whatever she likes to do get her to do something that involves other people where she can socialize and make friends. Most of the time people just need a kick in the pants by someone they care about to tell them to pull themselves together and really get out there. Don’t stop going to the gym with her, exercise is a wonderful depression relief. She’ll get the most out of it having you there. Overall, just be there. When you feel you have to step back, don’t. I know it’s overwhelming, but just take her to ice cream, to the beach, coffee, a phone call would even suffice, keep it short when you’re overwhelmed, but just let her know that you are there, even if you don’t necessarily want to be. 30 years is a long time to just throw in the towel, I’d be crushed if my best friend did that. Just stay strong, she won’t feel like this forever. All she really needs is a friend. Things will get better, okay? 🙂

      p.s. Sorry this is so long, and I hope it’s not too late of a reply.

  136. dp says:

    I am 28 yrs old girl and m feeling very lonely.. M the only child .. My mom expired 3 yrs before in a car accident my dad always busy in their in his life mostly on tour… Last 3 years m living with my servant..after my mom I worked in a bank my senior proposed me for marriage and I agreed but dad don’t like him coz he is near about my mom’s age but I convinced my dad and he said ok but when his parents come and discuss about our marriage date his parents start demanding dowry I was shocked because I really love him.. And didn’t stop his parents…and after that I cancel my marriage…. I really loved him… But now m so lonely,no job, no relatives come to my house no friends no one even not God is with me…. I don’t want to live…all doors are closed

  137. Jaclyn says:

    I’m Jaclyn. I’m 26 years old and I’m horribly depressed…I have been for ten years. I was bullied since I was 9 years old…kids calling me fat, ugly, worthless….and no one ever wanted to talk to me. I didn’t have any “real” friends…just people who would hang out with me to make fun of me. At 16 I was in an organization and was being verbally abused by two adults so I quit…afterwards a group of kids I was in the organization with made a website about me called, “The Jaclyn Sucks” website. There were about 10-15 subscribers…the person who made it wrote these lengthy paragraphs each day telling me how fat, ugly, and stupid they thought I was and told me to kill myself…the other subscribers gave me ideas and put them on the site each day…they told me to hang myself, shoot myself, and breathe deep in a plastic bag…they said if they ever saw me at school they would kill me themselves. I made a pathetic attempt to choke myself…but it was stupid… the police I think or my brother got the site shut down. I started purging and skipping meals to try and lose weight…especially cause my twin brother kept calling me a fatfuck everyday…and my parents just turned the other way… but I ended up gaining weight from anti-psychotics and was bullied even more…all anyone has ever called me is fat and ugly. I somehow made it through college with no friends and dropping to 100 pounds from running 5 miles everyday…I had roommates but the situations were so terrible my dad had to call the school and get me moved three different times…one roommate called me a “nasty white bitch” and the other threatened to kill me. I never did anything to anyone. I became completely suicidal and these girls in my education classes made fun of me…they said I was gross, weird, and smelled. I gained about 50 pounds in 2013 from being in a mental hospital when they put me on an anti-psychotic. I got rid of everything in my room and was planning to commit suicide…I was there for a week. I’ve also been to an eating disorder recovery center…but got kicked out in ten days cause of insurance. Now, I have a job and I’ve lost 20 pounds from running, but I am so miserable. I live at home with my parents…I starve myself, and over exercise. No one will talk to me…no one ever calls or texts me. I absolutely hate myself…when I look in the mirror I am disgusted. I’m very ashamed and embarrassed constantly and I hate being out in public. I’ve seen more than a dozen therapists, been to outpatients and have been on every single pill you can think of and just stopped seeing a psychiatrist who called me fat. I know I’m not good enough for anyone…I don’t even deserve friends because I am a complete loser. To distract my pain I exercise, watch movies, and listen to music…I’m so lucky I have my parents…but I am worried…if I lose them I have no one at all and it scares me. Work is a good distraction…I work with special needs children and I feel slightly less worthless when I am there…I just hope the staff doesn’t see my pain. I put on a smile to hide it. I just wish there was some way I could make my life better…I don’t see myself living to be 35 or 40…not in this much pain. Thank you for listening…sorry it is a very depressing read.

    • Juggernaut says:

      Jaclyn.. Oh my.. I’m 29 years of age man. I have suffered for many years in isolation. I am not close to anyone on earth. No one should feel like you do EVER. Your post made me sad. For the length of your post I had forgotten the anguish I feel.

      I am horribly lonely. My issues are plentiful and go back to when I was a boy. I don’t want you to go one more day feeling like you aren’t a wonderful worthy woman.

      • Jaclyn says:


        Thank you very much for your reply. You are a kind, caring individual and I am grateful for your response. I am sorry you have also suffered many years in isolation…it’s so hard when people say “you’re not alone, there’s tons of others like you out there” because I will never meet those people considering I have a hard time getting out of my room. It seems as though I live in a world where no one understands…people have told me, “you’re selfish…you have a good life” “you can’t deal with anything” “life’s not fair” “you want people to feel sorry for you” and “if you were a stronger Christian you wouldn’t be depressed.” All these kinds of statements have pushed me further away from society. Depression is a deep pain that comes from within and it’s so hard to relate to unless you suffer as well…and I am often angry because I don’t understand why I am always sad and most others aren’t. As much pain as i’m in I do have some positive things that happen…I just discount them. I like to go to Starbucks, and go shopping, and to the movies and stuff…it helps alleviate the pain for a few hours but then I usually go back to feeling really bad again…at least it helps for a few hours.

        I’m sorry that you had a lot of issues when you were younger as well…it’s such a shame…a child should never feel so horribly bad and lonely. I felt trapped most of the time.

        Thank you for your kind words…they truly mean a lot.

  138. shawn says:

    I’m Shawn have battled depression and anxiety since the age of 23 I’m 55 now live in California anyone needs someone to talk to I’m here please reach out now days I live a pretty normal life but still it haunts me from time to time please e mail me and then we can exchange numbers God Bless

  139. angel says:

    I grew up in a home with 4 brothers & parents who, since I can recall were constantly bickering and fighting . As I can remember, most of the arguments were because of me. I was the only daughter, so my dad protected like I was a diamond. My father spoiled me so much while my mom seemed as though she wished she never had me. Growing up with four older brothers I was constantly picked on and made fun of. If anything ever happened in my house my mom would say I caused/ provoked it to happen while my dad would defend me & punish my siblings. So yes my parents fought a lot over me, they didn’t know how to raise a female. It was new to them. But all I saw as a child was that there were five people in my house who didn’t like me and only one person who was happy to have me around. I became this kid that was so vulnerable, self conscious, and depressed. All my life everyone in my house told me to shut up! Or get out of here! Or go do this! Do that! And the only person in my corner was my father. I would cry my eyes out in his arms wondering why nobody else liked me, why I was treated differently, why I was so lonely. I grew up so alone, I didn’t have any girls cousins around, no aunts, no other female around but my mom . so she was the only example I had as to how to be a girl. Finally when one of my girl cousins came around and to stay, I was happy as can be. But in time I started resenting her because all my brothers and my mom seemed to love her. If they made jokes about her, they immediately followed it by “u know I’m just playing , u know we love u” things that were NEVER said to me. In my 21 years of life I have heard 3 of my 4 brothers tell me they love me about 3x … Whenever they joked about me they laughed & laughed & moved on to the next joke about me. Never did they say hey I’m kidding, hey you know we just mess with because that’s what brothers do…never… & that is why I have such low self esteem today … Everything they onced joked about stuck to my head & I believed that I was all those things. The one brother that would always reassure me that he loved me was never really around, he was the “black sheep” of the family so he didn’t receive much love either but to him it didn’t matter. But what he did see was my pain, he knew what it was like to be in that home. he was that brother that was I wished they all were. He passed away and everyday I wish he hadn’t , as terrible as it may sound I wished it would have been one of the others… Anyway one day when I was 13 yrs old my dad couldn’t take more of my mother , (she was a very damaged woman herself and that is why I think she didn’t know how to raise me), so he left.. He didn’t just leave the city or state..he left the country . I was so devastated, I began to throw my life away in many ways. My Brothers & mom saw this as me being rebellious but this was really me letting out my pain & screaming for help and love. I looked forward to the day when my mom would come to my rescue but she was the first to turn her back on me & then so did everyone else.I was in the streets for 3 years and no one stopped me to tell me what I needed to hear… My father from another country tried to reach me but a part of me was resentful because he wasn’t here to stop me, my only brother who showed me love, from a prison tried to talk sense into me but didn’t .. I was angry that the only 2 people who cared were too far away to help me or stop me. In those 3 years I lost all my “friends” I was completely lonely in the streets.. I honestly didn’t care for my life. I went through so much but yet my family was nowhere to be found, instead all my relatives were sitting around a table gossiping about how terrible I turned out to be & how awesome my other female cousin was compared to me. At age 16 I finally hit rock bottom & just as you guessed, no one was there to help me up. I became even more bitter and isolated. I shamed myself just as everyone else did . but then I met my angel. No lie I love this guy, from the moment I met him he was there for me. Knowing all I had done, knowing how weird I was, knowing that at that point everyone I knew didn’t like me. He stood by me through it all & til this day I always wonder why he did… As I said growing up in my house love wasn’t something my family showed … Even less to me! So its been hard for me to understand why he loves me. I know I am not outgowing, really im an introvert, I’m self conscious , I’ve got a bad temper, I cry toooo much I’m very sensitive!! I really hae how all my childhood has affected my adult life. I rather be alone than with a group of people, I rather be home than a party… I still don’t understand how I found a wonderful man, maybe its God’s way of saying I need to stop dwelling and be happy, maybe this is him saying I know all you have suffered now its time to be happy… But its so hard for me to be a happy normal person… I have 2 kids now and all I want is to be the beat mother to them but all I know is what my mom showed me, which is anger, sadness, hatred, favoring a son, killing a daughters self esteem, seeing all the negative… I’ve been trying so hard to change because I do not want to be that mother but how can I make my husband understand that if I am this way its not because I want to be, but because regardless of how much I try, this is all I know…??? I know I mixed up everything in here I’m just pouring my feelings for the first time. I don’t know if anyone relates but it did feel good to let some of it out. Deep down somewhere I know I love my family I just don’t think I’ll ever genuinely feel it in my heart to say I love u to any one of them… Whenever I get sad over the most little thing , my mind always drifts back to my childhood memories and how miserable I was.. I don’t know why I do that to myself its just something that has happened since an early age… I hope u all can find the happiness and self love that you need just as I am looking for mine.

    • Lucy says:

      Beautifully written and a heart touching story! I can definitely relate as I was the youngest girl of six boy siblings. One real brother and five stepbrothers, two of whom abused me sexually, not to mention a mentally I’ll step mother amongst other family issues on my mothers side. Anyway, I too go through life without believing I am worthy of real love and friendship. Even though I know I deserve it, my subconscious reacts negatively at good and positive things that happen as if I’m telling myself “you don’t deserve that, shun that” Gahhh! Oh how I wish I could truly believe the opposite for myself! But, I’m telling YOU the opposite, “You are worthy, you are an amazingly inspirational person to have gone through all you did and come through well educated and philosophical…and you do deserve the man you spoke of!” Now, if I could only take my own advice all would be well. Be happy friend 🙂

  140. Victoria says:

    I have read all the posts and it makes me mortified that there are so many people like me. And while some are still looking for hope and a change, i have given up. I have decided that my life is only going to get worse and i worry about my older years. I am 43 years and the only thing i actually look forward to in my life is to sleep it away and one day die.

    I can’t help but feel jealousy at the happy people. Happiness was not something i knew until i had my kids and i love them. But i can’t help feel that i am destroying their lives in some ways. I will not leave my home unless i absolutely have to.

    I’ve shut myself off from the world. I will never ever feel love through a relationship of a normal couple. I have given up and everyday i only want to die.

    I am afraid of people judging me, don’t pick up on social cues and couldn’t tell if someone flirts with me to save my life. My self loathing is so much that i no longer feel feminine or cute or witty. I’ve lost the little bit i had socialized into myself.

    I am just wasting away. And want no pep talks or telling me to wait that better times are coming. I’ve waited so long and it’s never happened. I give up.

    • nancys says:

      Hello Victoria. I am replying to you because I can relate to much of your post. I am about to turn 43, however have also reached a point of hopelessness and like you I look forward to sleep more than anything, and also to death. I also used to be able to put on a vivacious front, was always considered attractive. It might have something to do with our age because I have completely lost my sense of femininity and belief that I will attract a partner. However, something you wrote shows the vast differences in how our lives panned out. You said you never felt happiness until you had your kids, whom you love. I wanted children very much, I feel having them would have saved my life. Now it’s too late for me, and comments like yours just remind me again of how pointless my life has been and is. I am at the end of my life, I don’t have hope anymore, but if I had children I would hang on for dear life. Without them depending on me, seems I have no reason to hang on to life.

      • Lisa says:

        Hi Nancy,
        I am 53 year old woman attractive or at least I use to be I also could not have children my depression has been with me since age fifteen and has taken all my friends and most of my family except my sister who lives out of state I feel so alone and the stigma that comes from this illness is awful as I feel I am damned if I talk about it and damned if I don’t. Sleep is my escape and my two cats have saved my life more than I can count.
        I wish all of these people on here lived close by so we could perhaps go walking together and talk walking helps me as I am allergic to antidepressants but reading what people are saying here helps me to know I’m not alone.

    • Ali says:

      Victoria – I’m a little older than you but I know just how you feel – I’m there myself.

    • Relle says:

      Hi Victoria, you sound exactly like me. I am 44, fat and friendless. Where are you? I’m in Qld, Australia.

    • JJ says:

      You wrote my story. I have suffered depression for many years … MDD and no treatment help. Last 3 years, I am far worse, and feel as you do … finally lost all family and all friends … don’t know how much longer I can hang in there. Until 3 years ago, I had MDD and it was tough, but I had periods of remission and even days that we better than others. Functioned, but never able to really work outside of home.
      What hurts is that I gave so much of myself to so many (family and friends) and when I could no longer function and became homebound and severely depressed and with thoughts that are unmentionable, I then lost them all. Never expected them to bail on me (especially the closest of them) but they all did.
      I feel like the only person in the world like this. I cannot find one single site on the internet where people share about this in any forum. Most people can be treated successfully most of the time with drugs.
      I want it all to end and truly … no one would care … they have shown me that. I feel so very hurt and even angry which is a new one for me as I never was like that before.
      Does anyone want to to email. I know if I post it here, this will not be printed so is there any way to make contact? Does anyone know of a website or have a blog or is anyone even interested? Maybe the support and knowing we are not alone would help?

      I would be willing to leave a throwaway email such as hushmail as you cannot trace whre the person is writing from. Very easy to make one up … one minute … and is free. I will check back to see if anyone is interested.


      • Anthony says:

        Hey there JJ,

        I have been dealing with my own struggles for years and while I am still fighting to overcome what ails me, I am beginning to find incredible hope through quality professional help, support from interpersonal relationships, and a significantly improved perspective on life and towards myself. I am ultimately at the beginning of the healing process, but I’m doing pretty darn well considering where I was emotionally and functionally in the more distant and even recent past. For the longest time it seemed hopeless. If I could tell the earlier version of myself that I’d be where I am today, that past ‘me’ would laugh at me in total disbelief!

        I think it’s mature and makes a lot of sense to want to reach out. I feel that if people hit rock bottom, and are lonely, and are willing to share their personal experiences here it would only be rational to want to connect. Lonely individuals all isolated from one another makes no sense to me. Thus the beauty of the internet if you know how to be safe. While most posters may not feel up to hitting the town or joining clubs and organizations and volunteering and getting out there to confidently introduce themselves to strangers, I feel this may be something a few DO feel up to, and an easier way for those who are depressed to reach out. I believe the risk is small and that emails are allowed to be provided here.

        Also IF ANYONE READING THIS WANTS A FRIEND FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME!! =) I’m pretty down to earth and enjoy connecting with and giving and receiving support with those who can understand and empathize a bit.


        • Anthony says:

          It may help to include my email wouldn’t it? Haha.
          It is

          • robin says:

            I’m the same 57 single and no friends or family that i can count on. perhaps i get a phone call every 3 weeks . Unless i go to the gym or a coffee shop, i can go weeks without speaking to anyone, i’m thinking that as i get older life just isn’t enjoyable and seriously thinking its not really worth carrying on

    • Olivia says:

      I can commiserate with you all. I’m 28 years old and dealing with depression/loneliness. Last year, I moved to the other side of the country away from family. I have no friends here and am now unemployed. Old college friends drifted because we’re in different stages of life and I’m very far away. Most of my friends have families now. I feel worthless and pathetic, but I continue to try to get my life on track and find a job. I’ve been trying to be positive, but due to recent events, I’ve been feeling at my worst. My old college “friends” planned several get-togethers and did not think of inviting me. I’ve been the one trying to keep in touch, text, etc, since I moved, but they don’t really reciprocate. They claim they forgot to invite me since I’m not in town. It makes me really sad seeing photos of them all and even angry because I brought a couple of them into our group. It sucks feeling forgotten, being left out and knowing that none of them care. The one girl who was supposed to be my best friend told me that I am ridiculous and dramatic after telling her how I felt. I decided to go under the radar for a while. Hopefully, it’s not too late to get new friends and improve my current status.

  141. jen says:

    I have bipolar disorder and no friend right now. I used to have friends, but then after I tried living with my true self (the depressed troubled type instead of the usually smiling and agreeable type) they drifted away. They don’t understand my problem and I don’t think they are really my true friends. So here I am, 25 years old and feeling totally alone. I wish I could find someone to marry and start a family. I tried meeting people, but it’s so pathetic to admit that i have no friends.

    • angel says:

      Sorry I don’t mean to post on urs… I was trying to share my story for the first time and got mixed up… I hope u r doing ok though. Don’t be to hard on yourself, most people don’t get to see how thoughtful we really are and how much we desire to help.. We are just a little different . and its not our fault. I am 21 with no friends either so I know what you mean. Pray to God and I swear you feel better…. I hope I helped in some way… Take care.

    • Mari says:

      Hi Jen. I’m 25 too, also bipolar and also friendless. Email me if you’d like to share stories and maybe be there for each other 🙂

  142. Zac says:

    Really good article I am in the same debacle myself. got myself isolated through relationship mistakes in the process of figuring out myself…My problem was when I was little I never learned to interact with people well or normal atleast I was never the one who was able to enjoy things with my hopeful group of friends who all partied together regularly. I was there on occasion but I never really spoke ..thus I was a nuisance and by association with one friend in the group was the only thing keeping my social ties with the rest. Since 11 or 12 porn became a big influence in my life without my knowledge of its impact whatsoever. until my 3rd year in college I didnt really understand how that ruined every relationship I wanted to engender (even a relationship with a woman at age 14 – 15) . Today i am still struggling with the addiction although managed to make big break throughs in the past 2 years (my final years in college) with 3 month 4 month and 5 month sexual abstinence . it keeps coming back without me being able to find a real mate for myself…I self medicate which is not good but its Kratom so not too unsafe but still I wish I could be happier and be with friends I dont understand how I have gotten where I am today. Porn was the main culprit though…
    Thanks for the article is was really well written,

  143. Sal says:

    I’m feeling so low right now and glad I found this website. I am such an insecure needy person and I feel I push people away by being this way. I can’t remember a time I have been happy for more than a few weeks. Two years ago I met a wonderful man who I grew in love with but now Sod’s law (because I can never just be settled and happy) I’m feeling as though I fell out of love with him which is not what I want cause he is my best friend. My other “friends” use me, make excuses not to see me, never there for me and/or make me fe worse. I thought he was my answer he loves the bones of me and I was very attracted to him and it’s now with a heavy heart I feel I don’t feel the same . But I can’t leave because I would be miserable and lost like I was before him. I just want to die.

  144. joanne says:

    For 20+ years I had a best friend. I was always there for her. I put myself a side and gave gave and gave. Well a few years ago I became depressed. I’ve been on different types of meds. I’ve felt better and then I’ve felt worse. Throughout it all I’ve been diagnosed with various deficiencies that have made me tired. It takes all I can do to make it through the work week and then crash over the weekend. I’ve been so tired. All of the meds including high blood pressure meds just drained me. My anti-depressant name brand is now off patent and has become generic. The generic doesn’t work for me so now I’m trying to discover what will. But through my ups and downs my best friend just doesn’t understand me. Now that I have been unable to be there for her she puts up walls and shuts me out. When I’m feeling like my self I participate in activities but I don’t feel welcome. In fact I feel like I am being punished by her putting up these walls. I used to think that this was all in my mind that I am the cause of the rift in our friendship but I now realize that it isnt. I think it is sad that people judge you differently when your have mental challenges than if you have a physical disease. And when you are already struggling it’s sad that this is when you find what true friendship isn’t.

  145. Lani says:

    I find that number 1 is what I experience the most. and number 2 following close behind. I try to reach out. I KNOW that I need to interact with others, to vent and get things clear in my head in order to move past the depression… but there’s no one there. Not even in my own home. I feel myself shriveling up a little more every day and wonder when it’s all just going to snap.

  146. jared says:

    well im sad, depressed, foreveralone- I can not have friends a gf, or let alone get married cause im well different. I hate my life, take that back as I do not have one. \
    I stopped seeing my psychiatrist because she/he only suggested do not give up on my goal to find a gf, bull s***. for the past two years ive tried numerous online dating sites including,, even tried signing up for life mates, I never f***in heard from em,
    what im most sad about is that I found someone when I was still in school over 5 years ago, she was the one, but I just had to blow it, i now believe it was because im autistic and was not supposed to have found love, letalone know what it is. well i have decided to give up completely on finding love, not happy one bit about it.
    well ive been searching to find som kind of help on and this frickin article was all i could find.
    i really doubt this will do anything for me, get my hopes up only to crash back down, dragging my mood down as well.
    wont be the first time, doubt the last time i falsely got hopes up to crash to rock bottom
    im asking my self why im even writing this thing, only doin more harm i guess by falsely gatin hopes up to crash back down o well so be it,
    well now time for other internet users to criticize me, cant wait

    • Anthony says:

      Well Jared, I’m not here to criticize you, ha. I totally feel you, and you can have one friend now if you like. =) Like so many other commenters here, I’m amazed at how much I can totally relate to all these posts, (read through most of them) like different versions of my story with similar pain and frustration, just different circumstances. Yours really resonated with me though, because as much as the other posts really spoke to me and helped me to put things into perspective when I no longer thought that was possible, and as much respect as I have for these strangers, well.. I’m simply just not 30+ with kids and a spouse or marriage history. No. I’m 23, no friends, never married, no significant other, and have finally stopped denying how lonely I’ve become. Reading through novel-length forum posts instead of talking to a real person gets old. But hey, if you want a friend, shoot me an email!

    • robin says:

      Man this makes me sad and angry to read this. I feel for you because you just get treated so badly and you don’t deserve to be. I do agree that finding a woman nowadays or vice versa is incredibly tough. I’ve tried dating, too, through online sites, but did me no good. You won’t get any abuse from me for your situation. In fact, I think you’re very brave.
      I was bullied for five rotten years at college and it wore me down so badly. Even the teachers got in on the act and it was horrid. I had to try and get through each day as sanely as possible, yet completely messed up my social circle. Now I find I enjoy my own company even more.
      Tbh, I find it very hard to trust people because of my experiences …
      However, that doesn’t mean as an individual you are worthless because of this. If a woman or man cannot see the good in you and what you have to offer, it is their loss. You are a good person. Don’t lose too much sleep over this. You need to find something you enjoy and build on it. I mean, I am a puzzle fan and found a group of lovely individuals who I talk to regularly and it’s made me feel valued. It’s helped me to some degree put the difficult past behind me but I must openly admit that I harbour resentment at times for it, but knowing its unhealthy for me only strives me to concentrate on the here and now rather than then.
      In short, don’t ever say you don’t have a life. You DO! If a potential interest in the romantic sense, or even the platonic cannot see through you and see what a good person you are and what you have to offer, they aren’t worth knowing. Sometimes I worry because I am 32 and I am still a virgin and people tell me I am a failure. Now I just say bull and live my life in a way which makes me happy. Sex, for example, will not dictate whether or not I have had a fulfilling life from my p.o.v., rather than what other people think. I may be on my own, but I have learnt to accept the hand I have been dealt and make the most of opportunities that come my way. Just remember life is one big game. You play it at its own and you will win if you don’t allow life to get the better of you.
      Don’t so anything desperate because you are worth much more than that and if you ever need to talk and that would go for anyone, I am always here to listen. My best wishes to you. Regards, Robin.

    • Lucy says:

      My names lucy I’ve read all of these comments it’s hard going through depression. I’ve been through depression and it haunts me now I’ve been sexually abused by my biological father and I became a alcoholic because of it I’m only 25 I was rushed to intensive care as my livers failed and after was sent to a mental hos as I couldn’t cope I because better and found a bf and a job it was nice at the start of my relationship now my partner thinks he owns me and is very possessed over me and I don’t know how to cope without him he has been there since I have for better but I can’t cope with him being mean he tells me to go and fuck my father what shall I do

  147. Kortni says:

    Up until the moment I read this the things you stated hadn’t crossed my mind. Thank you for that. Tremendously. You have no idea how much reading this has helped me.

  148. Jenn says:

    I’m a single 42 attractive woman that has absolutely no friends. I have been immediately dropped, suddenly accused and blamed for untruths or misunderstanding of my intentions whenever I’ve become close with someone. I certainly apologize for making mistakes yet I remain hated. I used to be extremely social but have done at least 1 thing to most acquaintances that was judged harshly that they no onger speak to me. The loneliness is nearly unbearable and when I do attempt to get to know someone, I invite myself by asking if I can join and keep in contact all while feeling extreme insecurity and stupidity. I am not good at socializing anymore and it seems to be getting worse. I cry ever single day. My life changed drastically due to an emergency back surgery in 2010. Over the past 4 years and now needing yet another level 5 back surgery, I have lost everything and I’m currently at a poverty level I never imagined. This increases my depression, anxiety, insecurity and greatly limits what I can afford to do, not to mention my physical inabilities which greatly impact walking and standing. I feel like I’m sinking deeper & don’t know where to find friends that will accept me as I am.

    • annemarie says:

      Hello Jenn,

      I just wanted to respond so you knew someone was out here reading/listening to you and that you are not alone! I can totally relate to loneliness being unbearable. I feel the same way. I am lucky to have a few friends to talk to, but it is difficult when so much of your life is in turmoil and you don’t want conversations to focus too much on your own problems. Three years ago my husband of over 20 years filed for divorce unexpectedly, moved out within a couple of weeks, and we had to short sell our house as I couldn’t assume the mortgage on my own, so I lost a home I had been paying on for over 2o years. Nothing to show for it and had to walk away. 3 months later, my company downsized, and everyone in my dept was laid off. After 21 years, I was unemployed for the first time ever. I’m now 55, renting, and just lost the second of 2 jobs I’ve had since the big layoff. I was ‘ fired ‘ from both due to performance issues/ low numbers ( I’m in outside sales ) and am now struggling to job hunt once again with very low self esteem and fighting depression. Anyway, I know our situations are not the same, but wanted to let you know once again, please don’t feel totally alone. Your story touched me and I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you!

    • kay says:

      email me anytime you need a friend :-))

    • Sarah says:

      Hi Jenn, it sounds like it maybe the type of person you are attracting as ‘friends’ and then making it your fault when it goes wrong (because that’s what they (narcissists) want you to think. Let me know if this ebook helps (helped me no end – light bulbs going on all over the place). Sarah (we can be friends if you like 😉 )

    • jill says:

      Hey I need a me.I’m 50 never married.never really been able to make friends and sometimes I feel so lonely.someone up for a chat would be great

      • julie says:

        Hi Jill, i am also in my 50s like family. I have no friends and life is hard sometimes to even open the front door and go out. I would love to have a good friend just to go shopping with. If you would or anyone would like to chat send me an email.

    • Good Listener 2015 says:

      Lack of means totally exacerbates a depressive state. I can certainly sympathize with your situation. If you just want someone to vent to, feel free to email me

  149. Aurora says:

    I am 20 years old, and have been 3000 miles away from my family and friends for a year now. I work full time, 8-12 hour days Monday through Friday, I’m up at 5:30 every morning and in bed by 9. I have no friends here, just friendly co workers who never invite me anywhere. Why didn’t I just stay home and go to school. Now I feel like I’m never going to do anything in life except work to barely make it by. I live with my boyfriend but he doesn’t understand. He is lucky and just a happy person. Life is getting me down.

    • Carly says:

      Hi Aurora,

      I have been in a similar situation to yourself when living in New York away from my family in Australia. All I can say is, I was like this for four years before I made changes and went back home to study. I regret not moving back earlier. If I had just been able to be honest with myself about how unhappy I really was, I would have made changes earlier. It’s not too late – I wish you the courage to make the decisions you need to make to be happier and healthier in your life.

      • Carly says:

        Oh and just to let you know I have been struggling with depression for about 7 years. My darkest days were in New York when I was away from my family though – I was suicidal there and not in a good place. Moving back improved this immensely as did getting doctor’s and counselor’s help.

  150. Dell says:

    I am a 40 year old single lesbian, I do not have kids and I don’t have any deep friendships. Even my relationship with my family is shallow. I work, come home, waste time and go to bed. I am back in school so that’s giving me something to do. I’m sad and lonely. I’m attractive and lots of women try to get with me but it’s never the women that I want. It’s not like anything is wrong with them I just don’t connect. I feel I don’t connect with anyone. People are always talking to me at work but they have lives after work. People like me on facebook and my posts get lots of likes but I never connect with these people outside of facebook. I feel like something is wrong with me because I don’t know how to connect with people. I try doing things like working out or going places but I start feelings pathetic and desperate. I don’t know what is wrong with and ask people to tell me what it is and they just say nothing is wrong, you’re nice and cool. And I’m thinking well why don’t you like me, call me or invite me anywhere.

    • Carly says:

      Hi Dell,

      I think it takes courage to reach out to others and say, hey, why don’t we get together for coffee sometime? Chances are, people are thinking the same thing but are too shy to ask. Also, you are a unique person and worth getting to know. Be yourself – but you have to reach out to others – they are just waiting to connect too. I would strongly suggest taking up a hobby or volunteering, or taking a class of interest. I met lots of people through school, volunteering, and art group, even though I’m mature age. Just find something that interests you as a hobby, cause you’re passionate about to volunteer for, or something new to learn and people will be there too! You can connect over common interests. Don’t give up and don’t settle for having no friends, I’m sure there are people out there who also are waiting to make a friend, I know many people who have room for more friends as they are quite shy too.

      • Carly says:

        Also, people probably don’t not like you, it’s definitely negative self perception creeping in there. You have no real way of knowing what’s going on in another person’s head until you ask.

  151. Arne says:

    I didn’t see the word ‘bullying’ anywhere in the article or the posts. I’ve been bullied, ridiculed, and socially rejected or ignored most of the time for the length of my life that I can remember. As a guy, I was told or expected to ‘fight back’ if I was being bullied or ridiculed. Unfortunately, that was bad advice for me; it’s always made a bad situation worse.

    I lived with few or no friends throughout childhood, declining eventually to zero in young adulthood. The result is that I’m introverted, lonely, anxious, and depressed. To me, this all seems like a natural process that I didn’t have any control over. I find it best now to ‘play defense’ at all times and do whatever I can to avoid situations that I can anticipate will cause me any more mental and emotional pain.

    Bullying probably seems to many of my age that it’s overhyped in the media as a social problem in schools; it seems like one of the signs that America’s ‘gone too soft’. After all, aside from the added bad influence of social media, bullying and social rejection/isolation aren’t new; when I grew up, nobody would’ve even thought about bringing up the subject. It was just part of life.

    I doubt I’m the only person with this type of life story. The only way to feel better is not to beat myself up over it. No one asks to be born.

    • Sierra Lynn says:

      Hey Arne,
      I am 20 years old and I am going through the same. Being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder seemed to be the start to a solution, but it only became a title, a word. I was bullied, tormented, used and abused by people in my school years and by my alcoholic/drug addict mom. What she did and said was the worse. I literally fear going anywhere and fear having a conversation with anyone (even virtually/text based) because the expectation of them losing interest and the fear of rejection because of the years I spent being told, programmed into what I am…I understand what you are saying. I do.

      • Anthony says:

        Hey there Sierra,
        So I’ve now officially read through all the posts and comment threads here and pretty much clicked with Arne’s above more than most, as surprisingly inspirational as they all have been. That is until I read your reply. That is totally me, specifically the last sentence, like BIG time! I’m 23 btw. I think there are both direct and indirect forms of bullying. I’ve experienced lots of both. So sorry to hear what you’ve been through. And I totally feel you on the concept of diagnoses being just titles and words. I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The fear that others will reject me or lose interest has become worse because of all the rejection and pain I’ve actually been through regarding that. Idky they had to be that way. It leaves an emotional scar. I’m trying to work through that with the hopes that at least a few people out there are chill and will get it and who feel the same way. If you’d like to chat, hit me up. =) We can mutually “deprogram” ourselves, ha.
        Arne, you can totally hit me up too if you like! It was your post that really first caught my eye.

    • ricky says:

      Arne,if you’re still keeping track of this comment please email me..I know exactly where you’re coming from..i was bullied all through school and into adulthood visiting Therapists all the while.I had one best friend in my life,he was just like me,same interests and all,and also like me, was bullied and harassed his entire life. He eventually became entrapped in relationships with women that wound up verbally abusing him and one in particular set him up for a long Prison stay wherein he’s stuck til he’s 6o..He’s 39 presently.Since i lost him as a best friend,i have no friends at all now.Nobody has the same interests so when i engage in doing anything i like, i’m alone doing those things..I’m bullied all the time still(verbally mostly) because I’m pretty obsessed with watching movies and collecting and listening to music and watching music videos and nobody i know is into those things much..People are wrapped up in family,kids and living the life of ‘maturity’..and most people that are old enough to marry and have kids,consider being obsessed with tv movies and music a kid or teenage thing.. and they consider people who still are into those things as ‘immature’ or not ‘grown up’ yet. I was bullied and physically hit not just in middle school but also was verbally intimidated all through high school..My parents always told me it’s best to tell on somebody and get them in trouble as opposed to defending myself as that would just cause more ‘trouble’..i was always taught to never hit back or defend myself..I’m now unemployed due to a sleep disorder (delayed sleep phase disorder) and hang out all hours of the night in a local diner while sipping on coffee and have absolutely no friends..People view receiving disability payments for a disabilkity that can’t be seen as being unjustly on welfare..i don’t make much money but have a lot of possessions ,from having one family member that gives generously on birthdays and Christmases.Life is hard because people that i meet eventually find that i don’t work and of course women don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy that isn’t going to be employed and working for a living.doesn’t matter what the reason is, because they want someone who will be able to support them and take them out more often than what i’d be able to do..I know where your coming from from for sure..All that bullying has caused me a life of unemployment and lonliness..i was really young and it continued through my adult life with what one would call being rednecked on.

  152. Todd says:

    I am 45, at this time in my life I am unemployed, financially almost destitute. Do have a brother and sister , who I never hear from.
    Early when I was younger it was tough for me to feel hurtful , negative things that were directed right at me. And would end up not wanting to be around others that did that, because I did not want to feel it again. Kids can be cruel, and I got alot of that while at school.
    Have I given people forgiveness, yes. Things are still hard to forget.
    I believe I hate myself for what I have become, and never felt like I was any good, since I was younger.
    Another thing that happened was while younger i starting to have Epilepsy, a neurological condition, which i still have to this day.

    Other things that were obvious at times, was my Mother who was constantly screaming at times. She had bad depression and still does do this day. Somewhere I feel, I was telling myself I was to blame for how she was feeling. She also had Epilepsy while younger. And from what I heard, dealt with parents that were always fighting.

    I may not be one that is open to listening from people. That might be because of how i closed people out and never gave some a chance and thought there was never any love to receive.

    I am passive aggresive as my Dad is, he would never interject anything. Don’t recall ever doing anything with him much. DAD/SON stuff.
    My Mother was leechy, and could not let go of my Dad and always needed to be nearby to him.

    Other times while living with them, I would constantly hear complaining from her. I don’t know what should be right or wrong, but any two that are married, I had thought it would be best leaving quarrels in the bedroom, but that didn’t happen in our family.
    all of us heard anytime when she is upset. And it never fealt good.

    I became very needy younger, with my Epilepsy I didn’t not have luxuries like others(driving). And anytime that would be asked to some to help me, all thought it was intrusive of their space and wanted me to leave them alone. Anyone, friends, siblings. sometimes harshness sounded from my parents.

    Most recently I had lost two jobs. No one to really console with, parents live nearby but never ask anything really. They don’t want to know, or they are scared to even ask.
    I can get defensive,when being told what to do. but when it is said this is how it should be done, rather than in a suggested way it feels like that way or the highway.

    I did find it was very good to have a dog for comfort whne troubling times would be. But that ended up being stopped. My Mother , as I recall, told me let me have your dog. It is best we take care of him in case anything bad happens. I didn’t have options like driving it to the vet if needed, i guess. But they didn’t want to even get to that point to see if there would be a problem.. Which didn’t give me any self confidence at all. So mostly I would not tell them about anything I did. Because of how I didn’t want to hear accusations that what i was doing was wrong.

    So I am at a stopping point now, not sure what to do. I am looking for groups to discuss things and be with. Depression, anxiety areas. But with my limited transportation. I sometimes don’t even want to look to see if there might be anything.
    I don’t give other people a chance. And have major trust issues from early on in life. I think alot of this is obvious and some just don’t want to ask because they know of how bad stuff might be.

    There is alot more, but at this time I am needing to find a way to get out of my depression state, but unsure to fully disclose this to my folks because of ramifications that may come up if they might not be understanding or not.

  153. Lucy says:

    I am 42 years old. I have no meaningful friends and rely on my husband and children for companionship. I have had a trying life: divorced parents at two years old, addicted step parent, clinically depressed other step parent, sexually abused as a child by more than one person, cheated on repeatedly etc, etc. …since my practical existence I have avoided close relationships because I am afraid of being hurt physically or emotionally, yet at the same time my soul yearns for just that: a meaningful relationship with a friend who wants nothing of me but to give and receive friendship. But because of my childhood upbringing, I find myself literally unable to be comfortable in a potential friend’s presence. In my own minds eye it’s because I am so starved for companionship that I try to make myself too perfect and end up sabotaging my efforts. The person likely see through me into the depressed soul that I am or is scared off by my awkwardness, because no matter how amiable I am, rarely a friendship develops. In addition, I am a stay at home mom and work from home, but the business I’m in does not alot for real interaction with people, my husband works six days a week, my teens are involved in extracurricular activities and friends, and though I connect with my toddler, I cannot expect the nurturing and support I need from a child. I’m supposed to be that for her, and I am. I’m a lonely stay at home mom who longs to connect with someone who can relate. My husband is great around others but prefers to stay home most of the time, however in the event that one of his co workers invites us over I feel excited and anxious all at once. In social situations I look forward to going but find once there I feel awkward and nothing comes to mind to say, especially to strangers. On top of that it makes me feel more of an outcast because generally everyone knows everyone, except for me and I find it extremely difficult if not impossible to insert myself into conversation. Small talk comes very difficult to me and it shows, my therapist says it’s because I’ve learned through experience to be so guarded my brain freezes when it comes to natural conversation. As Mo said, I censor myself. I’m always two steps in my head analyzing, when I should just be enjoying the moment. Easier said than done! I end up being perceived as stuck up, when I am anything but. I even find it difficult to open up on here, like I shouldn’t be bothering you good people.

    • Erin says:

      Oh my gosh i cant believe you are telling my story! I’m also a SAHM of 3 and have woken up to realize i have no friends…i have spent all these years dedicating my life and energy to my sweet kids who are so much fun but are growing up and will be moving on soon. I will be left with nothing but incredible memories because while i was completely loving being a mom, i forgot how important it was to build relationships… The anxiety that came from all that just made me want to shut down. And I’m a nice looking, normal-seeming girl.. I have no idea how people see me but i find i am never really sought after, when it comes down to other women and friendships. I just shut down and enjoyed the love from my family…and loved my family bunches!

      But to wake up and realize how i havent built any kind of sweet, caring network of friends that i could share all the fun times with…its so painful and shameful. I have no one to share this with.

      I’d love to talk, to hear how we are in many ways so much alike in our pain is really surprising, because i feel so alone in this.

      • Ma says:

        I recommend brene brown to you both. She’s taught me how to live wholeheartedly. Please try her. It changed my life and relationships.

        • Dimitris says:

          Don’t give up and don’t feel you are over. These things happen to everyone. These things don’t discriminate against age or sex. Think of it. I’m a 25 years old man who has no one because do you know something? People make me mad. I can’t stand people and their strange weather attitude I just can’t. I’m very conscious about my choices and I found my inner truth. No friends in my life and that’s ok. Everyone that passed from my life was just too shallow. No meaningful connection, even my 17 years best friend ended up to wanting me as company only when her best friend was absent or when she was bored. NO. That’s a no no. Either good friends that love you every time of the day or no friends at all. The ones that need you when they are bored or want something can go right down to hell for me. Only few people worth for me. My future cat my sister and my mother. Love from Greece and don’t make negative thoughts. Life is wonderful for all and happiness is moments

      • RG says:

        I am sitting here crying reading yours and Lucy’s words. I feel the exact same way. I am so despaired I don’t know how to even function anymore. I have made my kids my life and now all of them have grown up and have to move on with their own lives. I feel like I am friendly and try to make friends, but every time I make a friend and it seems like we are going to be good friends something happens and I either lose them all together or we drift apart. I am at a point now to where I feel like I have no one to talk to and nobody reaches out to me. I really am not sure what it is about me that turns people off. I try to be friendly and nice. I am not overly funny though and I guess I can be a bit boring.

      • Lucy says:

        I am so sorry that I am replying a couple of weeks after you posted your reply. I was away with my family. I am excited to hear that someone else shares my experience! It helps me feel connected to life to know that others are going through the same thing…and that’s a positive thing! I would love to talk too. I’m new to this website and not sure how connecting outside of it works.

    • Grace says:

      I also could have written the above post. I have 2 tweens and a toddler. My husband works a lot and despite trying and trying – room mom, PTA mom…volunteer, volunteer…smile…etc, I have no friends. I drive my kids to activities and playdates but have never received an invitation for a cup of coffee. I’ve pretty given up. I am not very pushy. My kids school year just ended and all the moms who said they would email me to let me know what camps their kids were in, well they didn’t.

      I sent out 3 emails. One emailed back and she actually emailed me a few times as I was getting more details on what her daughter was doing. The other 2 never contacted me. I am trying though as I used to just not bother if they never contacted me. I realize the road goes both way but it does make me sad that, if I didn’t really work at it, they would never bother.

      One of the camps, 4 classmates of my daughter’s, are in. They probably contacted each other.

      I really don’t get it. I did sign up my daughter for camps based on this one mother who contacted me. The other thing is, I will probably bring my daughter to these camps and see that the other moms are all carpooling. This has happened before.

      I am trying to be upbeat about this. I mean I don’t want to think/assume it’s me.

      I am going to double up my efforts but I realize I need to also try to branch out.

      There are moms who regularly pick up each other’s kids and go out for coffee, I know because I see it. I often see moms going for walks together and taking gym classes together. I always go to the gym alone and for walks alone.

      I get that cliques were formed and they don’t want anyone new or they just don’t want me but I hope there are other moms who feel the same as me and maybe I can find them.

      I try to say the right things, don’t brag about my kids, ask them about their kids…but nada.

      You do ask yourself maybe it’s me, maybe there is something wrong with me. It’s hard because then I will go through a period where I just avoid people.

      I sustained a brain injury when I was 15 and was recently diagnosed with post-traumatic inattentive ADHD as a result of that injury. The doctor put me on meds about one month ago and now I see I really couldn’t focus on people, on anything.

      So now I am trying to pick up the pieces but part of me fears I am too late. I mean I notice I make eye contact now and answer people faster than I used to. Social situations don’t fill with with fear.

      The good thing that comes from being a social outcast is I have had time to focus on my kids. They have benefited. Some moms have said to me “how do yu do it?” because my kids really excel. I can’t tell them that it’s probably because I am there, all the time, because I have nothing else to do.

      My worry now, as my kids are becoming teens, is will they realize I have no friends? that mom’s a loser?

      I had lots of friends in high school, but that was before my accident and brain injury. So they were my friends after until I moved away to go to college.

      I realize how much, well it’s really frontal lobe damage which is what they say causes ADHD, affected my life for years. Never had many close friends after high school.

      The meds have helped me realize why I don’t have much of a social life. They’ve also made me see things more clearer and I feel I can sense people’s rejection more strongly now although the difference is, it doesn’t bother me as much.

      Maybe that’s key, they want it to bother you. I used to shuffle out of school events quickly because I felt so much rejection. On these meds, I stay and I really don’t care. In fact, the last school event, I never acknowledged the moms who tried to give me that non-accepting look.

      You are not alone in your feelings. I wish you luck.

      • erin says:

        Grace, RG, Lucy…reading your posts makes me alternately have hope and despair more. I have hope because I see I am not alone. Others are telling my story. But then you are all inaccessible. It feels bittersweet to then only be able to chat on a public forum instead of be able to ring up and say, “hey girl, I know what you are going through, how’s your day going? Hey! LETS DO COFFEE!” 🙂

        I have Brene Brown’s book, will actually pull it out and re-read it…its true about being vulnerable. its just so hard when everyone else seems to be functioning so “normally”…I want to find a place where my “peeps” are, “peeps” who share from their heart like you all have.

        Thank you. For being real. Stay in touch!

        • Lucy says:

          Erin, Grace and RG,
          Reading your responses has given me hope that there are good, honest and giving people out there. And I would invite any of you for a cup of coffee right now if you were living in my vicinity. Just knowing that there is acceptance and non judgement here on this site has lightened my heart. I agree with Erin, let’s stay in touch!

    • Todd says:

      Hi Lucy,
      I can totally relate to some things mentioned. I also do try to perfect in everything I do. That is my way to make sure everything will be alright, so I don’t end up hearing things from others when they get pissed off or angry at me.

      In this politically correct world we may be in. The media and other things always frown upon things when people do things wrong, or at least show how that was wrong, or why did somebody do that. And it is what we see mostly being talked about.
      In a way, the world is not accepting anything wrong or anybody making mistakes either.

  154. melany says:

    I have so many issues within myself that I struggle with everyday I’m so lonely and depressed I feel like nobody gets me just judge me me and my mother don’t get along at all she tells me I had depression once and I got myself out I have years of depression and I tried doing it a alone but I can’t I just can’t I don’t know who I am I can’t find myself I lie to myself I do things without thinking I’m just a mess sometimes I wish I was sleeping And that I dont wake up but then I think of my kids and it changes my mind but it’s a struggle I’m fighting for my sanity for my kids how can I do it when sometimes I just can’t get myself up off the bed I push people away but it’s not like they care anyways I wish I had a different life I wish I was a different person I have no friends basically no family my mom and sisters don’t get me I’ve always been an outcast abandoned by my father it sucks having a step father who treats you different I’m alone in the world.

  155. J says:

    Im currently 23… i just read what ive been unable to write myself or explain to anyone else.
    I shut myself off from the world, afraid of the inevitable hurt.
    Lets see, I dont quite remember when the depression started or when i realized that was what i was experiencing, I wouldnt say i had a rough life exactly, i do live in a privileged country, always had food on the table, and enough people around to give me love, so my stories always feel so over worked and unrealistic. My dad always had alot of anger issues and abuse issues and im sure not having it easy himself as a child played a part in how he raised me, he was mean, unkind, abusive physically and mentally and manipulative.. you name it and he was that nightmare for me and my mother and some of my other siblings. We all put up with it, home business stayed at home and wasnt mean to be talked about with anyone else, it was the rule, or else i would get taken away so things always progressed, nothing got better… luckily i had a few family members who gave me love unconditonally, and cherished me always. but still that abuse towards everyone in the family progressed, than when i was roughly 12, both my parents started to use hard drugs, became addicted, watched my family crumble due to crack addiction, seen alot of crap, had alot of hatred, at 15 dad uses me to sleep with my childhood best friend behind my back (they turned me into an alcoholic so i would pass out and let them be together) and they start dating, i find out by catching them in the act sexually….i have to tell my pregnant mother that my father and friend are having an affair… they didnt last long once my so called bestie got what she wanted from him.
    ill never forgive myself for that one.
    parents quit drugs 5 years ago, mom changes back into my best friend, dad still a fat loser crackhead with anger and abuse issues, i blame him for everything wrong in my life… if only i had been shown how to be properly loved and how to give love.
    soo the family that was there for me, through thick and thin… sadly all passed away in the last 5 years, first my great uncle, than great grandma, than my uncle wayne, than my great aunt (her husband, her mother, her son, lost her leg ) just wanted to die, than she passed away, than my grandma (who lost her leg when i was 12) lost her other leg and her mother and sister and nephew and she was the last one left and she sadly contracted a virus from the hospital and her leg wouldnt heal and got infected and she also passed away, so i lost everything i knew and i even lost my religon… i gave up on any idea of heaven or god or the bible… i just became a closed off agnostic.
    anyways im 23 and i enjoy being inside, im afraid of people i dont know or large crowds, ive been in a serious relationship for 5 years with a great person, who sadly i dont treat correctly.. 🙁 im bringing him down, im bringing me down… i have no friends at all, not even 1… i live across country from any family, in a province where i dont speak the language. so much more stuff but i cant even figure out where i would start. thanks for being descriptive and making me feel like im not the only person who feels like this.

    • melany says:

      I feel just like you I feel like I just don’t belong most pol judge me they just hate me I even hate myself I’m 25 I have kids they are all I have I don’t have a big family only my mom and 2 sisters I’m married even tho my husband abandoned us he plays with my emotions because he can’t fix himself my mom and me can’t get along for the life of God I feel lost like I just don’t know myself can’t find myself my father abandoned me I’m a mess it’s a long story behind all I feel but your not alone I know it’s hard but don’t push that one person you have by your side unlike me you have a great person me I have my kids and they are too little to understand I feel alone. Try and be happy. Your partner is hope.

    • lou says:

      I came across this discussion after yet again Googling ‘depression’. Why I do this I have no idea, as if I expect the answer & cure to be amongst the search results…alas, it never is ofc. I’m sure the real answer would be found in a therapist or having a talk with those that have hurt me, but that’s on the same scale as walking into a fire – I would never ever do it. So here I am, locked in my depression. I thought I had everything, an ambition & career in mind & a partner who loves the bones of me. But it’s nothing, it all means nothing when you have a mental illness (albeit self-diagnosed) cause the depression stops you from doing everything & I mean everything. My only friend is my boyfriend & even that is starting to feel like a nightmare, we don’t have sex anymore & I feel like my days are filled with him trying to discuss this with me. It’s driving me crackers. His reply all the time; ‘go see someone, go see a Doctor’ sounds so so easy doesn’t it, little does he know just how thick the wall is I’ve built around myself.

      • Mari says:

        I also find myself eventually resorting to googling “depression”, “how to be happy”, “how to change my life”. Haven’t had any luck with the search results yet though. But reading through this forum has been nice.

        Like you, my only friend is also my boyfriend. And you are so right. It doesn’t matter what you have or how seemingly good your life may be if you’re psychologically depressed beneath it all. I had it all as well. Lost it all now, but the funny thing is, even when my life was near perfect, I was still unhappy, the void was still there.

        What does one do? Any luck? Friends would help I think. I don’t think a therapist/doctor is the answer. Maybe it would help but what could they really say that we couldn’t conjure up ourselves?

  156. Tonya says:

    I am almost 39 yrs old. I have suffered with the depression for as long as I can remember.At 14 and puberty I was tested for a heart condition bc I was having repeat episodes of chest pain and racing heart. It was anxiety. My home life had been pretty bad with my parents splitting apart when I was 2 and moving to a whole other State was hard on my mother to be a single Mom raising to children. We were poor and all my Mom could do was try to put a father in our lives. Rhat led to man hunting. Alchoholic abusive men with lots of baggage and emotional problems. I was born over 2 months early so I was already the girl that got labeled slow learner,stupid and retard. Sorry, to use those words. That is just how it was. I had a few friends through church. I would intercept the New kids at school that stood alone bc I mostly knew that feeling. They would friend me for awhile until someone better came along.
    I grew up with feelings of inadequacy. Nothing was ever going to be good enough for everyone else around me. So, why should it be for me attitude. And so, that set the mood to how the rest of my life would be. I let a few wounded people in close enough to see and understand my darkness but they always betrayed me. Either by socially humiliating me by telling my secrets and laughing about them behind my back.. Or just plain hanging around to take my boyfriend or later husband for themselves. I have felt a sence of distrust in women that makes it awkward for me to fit in.
    I am also a quarter Native American. People can be very judgemental about race too. I found that out. I am a beautiful lady though. That has never been an issue but with all of the abuse in my life, mental, physical,emotional, molested at 10 by an Uncle, raped when I was 19. Institutionalized a couple of times. Once for trying to commit suicide, drug abuse when I was 18-20, alchohol abuse from then until about 6 yrs ago. I know I have isolated myself from fear of hurt to my children from others, fear of rejection, fear of being laughed at ans judged by my mental diagnosis, by my past with drugs and alchohol. I am so lonely but I keep myself alone. I am myself’s worst caretaker living with no friends. A wife that’s husband travels so, I stay home to manage the home alone. I wish the best for everyone on here wirt these same struggles. I hope you find inside what you are looking for. Just pray that I do as well..

    • woman says:

      I feel the same way. Women gossip a lot and It hurts me when people bring up my past and try to bring me back down when I’m trying to move on to a better place in my life. The worst is when they do it at work, I feel like I have no choice but to be an outcast.

  157. KG says:

    This phenomenon of depressed people losing all their friends reminds me of a story my depressed (maybe ex-) girlfriend told me. When she was 30, she blew out her knee when in a sporting accident, and wound up in the hospital for a week. During that time, she says, she had a total of two (unwanted) visitors, both of whom (she says) were there for romantic reasons (married guy who was interested, gay woman who was interested). Her family (who lived in the area) didn’t show up. No other friends.

    I thought that was a very sad story, and kind of hard to fathom. I know her family, and they are good, caring, people. She’d been a popular girl in her youth. She seemed warm and wonderful to me. How did she wind up in the hospital alone? Well, knowing now (though I didn’t then) that she’s a depressive (who has now cut me ceremoniously out of her life) I can see how she might have found herself in that situation.

    She claims that at that point, she looked at her life and realized that things weren’t what she wanted, and she needed a change. And she soon changed her career dramatically. But I don’t believe she saw that hospital stay as the culmination of depression. She’s probably pushed everyone who tried to care away, just as I’ve seen her do with me.

    Very sad.

  158. Ken says:

    I’ve always been introverted (except for a few years in college and then only when I was under the influence 🙂 and have never had more than a handful of friends. When I was in high school, there was only one friend I hung out with outside of school. I work at home (and have for about 20 years) so I don’t even have the forced socialization of an office milieu. So depression hasn’t really changed that aspect of my life very much but it has amplified it. When I do go out socially, I usually hang back. My wife is extremely gregarious and is well-known in town so she sees people she knows everywhere we go. I usually try to stay out of site while she makes the rounds in order to avoid as many introductions as possible. I can sometimes manage to get involved in conversations and there are some topics that automatically draw me in. And in those times I can forget about my depression for a bit and feel almost normal. But then I’ll remember and start to withdraw and want out. I realize that being around people is good for me but when I’m home I don’t want to be around people. When I’m getting ready to go out it’s always so much trouble to get ready. I can’t find clothes to wear and I feel unattractive and I just want to get back in bed. I know that socialization helps my mood (most of the time) and yet it’s extremely difficult to muster the energy to actually do it. I never talk to anyone (except my therapist) about my depression — I don’t have that kind of relationship with anyone. It’s very isolating. Most of the time I don’t realize how isolating that really is. I’m trying to go online more to find kindred souls I feel like no one wants to hear my sad story and I shouldn’t be whining so much. I’m also trying to blog about my depression but, again, I feel like a whiner when I really talk about it. Anyway, I totally understand the feeling of no friends and no life.

    • Lili says:

      Hi Ken,

      Please do not feel like you are a whiner, ofcause you cant help it, but really you are going through an illness that you have no control of. It is ok to talk about your pain just like every other illnesses. Also ofcause there’s that stigma about men dont want to talk about their feelings as it’s percieved as a weakness. My partner never talk about his feelings, untill the day he couldnt contain his depression anymore, then it came flooding out like a broken dam. I was comepletely in shock and over whelmed by the things he said (and the nonsense blames). If only he talked, and shared with me what was really going on in his head all those month….
      He also have no friends, hates going out, but this only contributed to his depression. He feel more alone than ever. Ken i sincerely hope you open up people around you. It will let you see who are the ‘real’ friends, that’s willing to stick by you, or the ones who flee at the mere mentioning of a mental/mood disorder. Having friends dosnt mean you need to be the talk of the town, it just means you should have a couple of really close, honest mates that can be there to support you without any judgements.
      Online is a good way to start, as its less confrontational, you can atleast build up your confidence and become comfortable at sharing about depression or just problems in life in general. Because you can never be sure what can trigger an episode of depression.
      Best of luck to you Ken!

  159. gandox says:

    All my friends are gone. Have been for many years. I have tried making new ones but I always perceive them to slight me,so I reject their intentions and ideas and further Isolate myself. I do this and look back at it and say to myself “did I do that on purpose or am I just that bad of a human being? ” That only furthers the cycle. When someone gets too close to me I will self destruct the encounter and force them away.

    I wasn’t always like this. Once I was happily married and raising 2 children. I had a few friends,more along the lines of acquaintances. Then about 12 years ago we bought a house with a basement. That is now where I most days with the door closed and only the computer and xbox to keep me company. My wife brings me food and we communicate but I push her away to. I can tell her anything but I am so negative that a meaningful conversation is not really possible.

    I do get up everyday and go to work and interact with the people at work but that too is strained. If not for my skills I would be let go for being a D-bag (yes,I am THAT guy). Although I do try so hard to restrain myself from spewing my pain and anguish upon them but unfortunately some of it slips out.

    I do return home and settle into my basement world and beat myself up for the way I acted and for the person I am then,I play on the xbox and because the anonymous nature of the interwebs I spew my negativity further alienating myself online. I could easily cut that part of my life out but it is almost like I need to do it.then I beat myself up for doing it…then I do it again.

    I do pay the bills and I do fix the house when it needs it and I tend to the vehicles. When those minor interruptions to my insanity happen I pat myself on the back and tell myself “see, that’s normal you’r not really that bad” but as soon as I am not needed I return to my the world I have created in my mind and beat myself up.

    I know exactly the reasons for my isolation but fail to stop it I am not suicidal although, laying down and dying wouldn’t bother me. I am a Barker not a Biter which means I talk tough but not really ever hurt anyone physically,definitely verbally though.

    I hurt inside and outside. I push everyone away. How do I stop ? I so want to get back to “normalcy” I want too feel good again. I reject most new ideas so how do I know which one to accept ? How do know whom to accept? Maybe I am that one person there is no hope for.

    Look how I am rambling and have devolved into into my “woe is me” vitriol.
    Bah, useless, but I throw it out there and maybe someone else has the same life.I don’t want pity I really just want to know if I am alone or not. Today I was in the mood to vent. I’ll check back and vomit more rantings and self loathing another day.

    • invisibleplease says:

      You sound like you could be my father. He has lived in his “room” since I was a young teenager. He hated my choice of a spouse and did not walk me down the aisle nor even attend my wedding. He still dislikes my husband and never comes to my house, nor my husband to his home. I hardly ever see my father even though he lives 30 miles away. He seems to be nice to my children when they visit overnight. I feel like he cares only about himself. But it is from him that I have inherited my own bouts of depression. I don’t want to be like him. It is sad to realize that he might be lonely with no way out of his darkness.

      I have been studying the health deficiencies possibly associated with depression. Right now I am trying a natural product to help the adrenal system. This product has taken the heavy feeling of hopelessness away. I am happy most of the day and I am nice to those around me. Since using this dietary supplement, I have been able to step back and realize that I am a good person with a disease that can be healed.

    • Mac says:

      What you wrote here is almost identical to my life..

      You definitely are not alone.

  160. invisibleplease says:

    I related to your article. I have never had more than one friend at a time. I currently have zero friends. I close out my spouse because I feel guilty for feeling depressed. We argue a lot when I’m depressed. I’m scared I’ll be viewed as pathetic if my spouse knew about my depression (taking it personal that he is the reason when that’s not true, he deserves better than me). I’ve tried to let my spouse know a few times that I need help, but nothing happens. I’m really scared my children will not have friends because of me. Some days I crave friends, other days I am happy that I don’t have the pressure of being perfect in their eyes. I talk so, so much when I meet new people or meet up with people I know. I am so embarrassed afterward and get really upset with myself for being this way. My dad and older brother were depressed… to the point of suicide, but I have always viewed myself as better than that and in control of my life. I really have a great life and maybe it’s not depression but I’m rather a lazy, pathetic person.

  161. Cathi says:

    This is my first visit to your site, found through a search for ‘accepting depression’. Wow! What a similar set of thoughts run through my mind almost daily.
    Yesterday walking home from the commute bus stop my thoughts and feelings rang a familiar theme and reached a new level of almost apathy.
    Feeling invisible, not sensing anyone with whom I can share the real feelings and thoughts I live with – rather needing to be the one who listens and helps others solve their issues both at home and at work.
    Accepting (sadly ) that there most likely won’t ever be anyone there for me, and at the same time beginning to realize that approaching life this way must create barriers between myself and others that prevents relationships from beginning or continuing. After all, who wants to be real about the loneliness, depression and isolation?
    Not sure what to do about it, feeling a growing sense of anxiety about the outcome. About this time my guilt kicks in as a single mother of an almost 21 yr old who also suffers from anxiety and depression. Did she learn it by living with me? What can I do to help her move through and past it?
    I’ve been noticing the commonality of my relationships with most of those in my life, the shallowness and limited exchange of real life. I’m not sure if my sense that the common factor and therefore, cause is me is true or not. How do you verify that with others?
    Add to this my continued dis-ease and unhappiness with my immediate and extended family. I made the conscious choice to live next door to our mother to help with her care in her later years (she’s 85), while my brother lives a few hours away and is clearly her favorite and chosen one to go to for assistance. My role seems to be to wait in the wings until asked, don’t be proactive when I notice areas she needs help with, and accept not being included in discussions. Ugh – not sure what the point of being here is.
    John’s thoughts about being in relationships and the interaction of depression, anxiety and relationships ring a familiar tune with my experiences.

  162. Alex Kamonohash says:

    I’ve had great difficulty making friends (or finding satisfying romantic relationships) all my life. I’ve pretty much lived my entire life, since early childhood, without friends, or with just one, until they moved away. (I currently have one very good friend who lives in another part of the country.) I definitely lacked social skills in my youth and was very shy. That is not at all the case now. I have well-developed social skills. I’m a very pleasant person— kind, friendly, interesting, and a good listener. It’s not at all difficult for me to find people who are happy to be my friend (or girlfriend). Rather, the problem is that I almost never find the relationship satisfying.

    What’s almost always missing is CHEMISTRY. Do a Google search for “chemistry” and “love” and you’ll get thousands of hits, but zero for “chemistry” and “friendship.” Yet chemistry is as essential for friendship as for love. I’m different from other people in profound ways— so different that they can usually only see a small part of who and what I am. I find myself feeling deeply, profoundly lonely when I’m out with a group of people and realize that I have nothing in common with any them, and that they don’t even know who I am. Again and again throughout my life I’ve ended up choosing to be alone because, ironically, that feels significantly less painful and lonely.

  163. Maria says:

    Thank everyone for sharing their emotions & stories .I have been dealing with depression for over 8 years. all my friends have gone away, they want nothing to do with me anymore.I kept myself distance locked up in my house waiting on the phone call from a friend yet also fearing the call would would come which it would ,then fear of rejection. I was unable to explain to my friends what was going on. My friends would just think I didn’t care about them .I always wanted to join in with my friends however when it came time to get ready to go meet them .I would freeze. I recently turned 40 , my thirties were very hard. I though the worse was behind me. Now turning 40…I am alone with no friends and my mother & father are no help. I was raised with no encouragement, I was always told I was a loser. I am still single with no children.Where do I start ? I believe it is very important to have friends .I have tried to make amends with past friend however they see me for my past when all I want to do is show them a different me. I’ll pretend to be happy and that all is going good. I was always the friend who listened and did everything for my friends. I was always there for them all.Back then I didn’t take of my feeling or my depression I would just listen to all of their issues in their lives.I did pull back on going out but that it. Was that so bad to justify for these friend to no longer take my calls and no longer want my friendship? I’ve been ostracized, I become the outcast. So in that said my depression as worsen. What’s next? If anyone had some words of encouragement I will be so grateful

    • John W says:

      If your friends won’t listen to you then they weren’t your friends to begin with. Keep your chin up. Join a civic group? What do you like to do outside of work? Can that activity be shared outside in a group? My trouble growing up was I was so centered on myself; I have a tough time keeping a conversation going. I realized people like to talk about themselves. So I learned to have people open up. You already have the hard part down. **Listening**. Someone told me once, “You have 2 ears and 1 mouth. Use them proportionately. “

      I know what is like to believe that you’re a loser after being told many years that comment. I got mad. That originally gave me the strength to do something. Unfortunately that validated that comment and I became resentful. The best thing is to not accept the comment and feel sorry for the person who is saying those mean comments. Most people say those comments because they are inadequate themselves. So keep your chin up. Don’t listen to any of those horrible comments. You’re worth finding good friends. If you feel down, well I think it is time to learn how to stand up. What do you think? I’ll stand with you, okay? 🙂

      • Maria says:

        Thank you John for your words of encouragement & for taking your time to respond. I recently lost my job .Also yesterday who I thought was my best friend told me that her husband brought it to her attention that what other single friends of her hangs out like I would. Honestly I would see her maybe once ever other week on a Friday night. For a friendship that was over 15 years and after 5 of those years she was cheating on her husband with several men. I was the one who encourage her to stay with her husband , I never judged her ever. SO to now be told that her & her husband feel that I was getting my happiness threw their family and she is now happy with her husband after he purchased a new home , and new horses and many other things for her. I was shocked. Once again another friendship gone. I have enjoyed so much being outside riding horses, just being out East on the property & being on a boat fishing…..I keep reading what you typed” Its time to learn how to stand up” I hear it & know it. What did I do in my life that it has come to this?

        • John W says:

          I don’t believe in fate. I was partly responsible for the condition I am in. I have to take my life into my own hands and make it better. Many people find the forum helpful as many of us visit it daily. Maybe you can come and see yourself. Maybe there is a way here for you to stand up on your own without help?

        • Susan says:

          Darling Maria,

          I, too, can’t believe how poorly some of my friends have treated me. I’ve come to wonder if perhaps I give up on friendships (and jobs, hair products, and knitting projects) too easily. I have nothing left to lose so I am going to bully my way through this wall. My goal is to contact one person a day that I don’t see regularly. Anyone with whom I’ve ever had fun is fair game – all the way back to the womb or first grade. Whether we ended through a fight or just drifted apart, I’m going to call them or e-mail them. I won’t talk about the bad, just listen to them. I dread what may happen, but I’m going to do it anyway.

          I challenge you to join me. What’s the worst that happen? We are already friendless and hate ourselves. We are already working souless jobs. Next year I may be living in a cardboard box and shouting obscenities to passerbyers. Today I can live without fear of rejection because it just doesn’t matter anymore.

  164. Mandy says:

    Depressed: No Friends, No Life
    I am now in the recovery process of depression. Now that I’m “waking up” I look around and find that not many of my friends have stayed around, which makes me down, causing a cycle of depressed moods. I lost a really good friend partly because of depression, and another friend either has excesses not to hang out with me or says very little to me. It sucks! I have tried to reach out to one of them with no luck, and when it comes to Christmas parties at their house I wanted to be invisible; even at work I feel that depression has hurt the relationships I have there. its a cycle that is hard to stop. I try to get out and reinvent myself but when I do people just look at me and see the depressed me. I try to fight it off and some days I’m good but other days its much much harder, starting the cycle again. Keeping strong in the recovery process is hard but the more I practice being strong, the easier it is to be strong!

    • Lisa says:

      Hello Mandy – You sound just like me. It gives me encouragement that you feel you are getting stronger. I’m trying too. I lost my job in March and I am also menopausal which causes more depressed episodes. I just got a new job as a contractor but I’m getting depressed again. Stress brings it on and I just want to die all the time. I want to give away everything I used to love but I have my animals and they are keeping me alive.

      • Mandy says:

        Lisa; Keep your head up. What I have been doing lately is making myself do something everyday. It may be small or big depending where I am at. some days all I can do is go for a 5 min walk, or if Im up I will go for a walk and do what I love (bake)! If its a struggle to do that one thing then I done let myself get down and when I catch myself then I don’t get mad, its just a day. I give myself a reward after doing what I don’t want to do (usually laying on the sofa without guilt). I tried something amazing yesterday and even though I was sceptical I think it will work. I joined a meditation class. It doesn’t hurt to go just once to try something and when you are in that moment you feel pretty great. Keep working hard and take it day by day, hour by hour, or minute by minute. Depression sucks but don’t let it get you down fight it. I’s fighting the good fight:)

  165. John W says:

    Thank you for keeping this blog up. I have been dealing with some form of depression over that last 25 years of my life. Only within the last 6 months did I recognize my illness, and asked for help. I was literally in such a depressed state that everything bothered me including waking up. I got help from
    1. Primary Physician
    2. Therapist
    3. Psychiatrist
    4. Writing
    My primary physician made sure my body was at the optimal working condition. She had found my Vitamin d levels were so low that it was almost non-existent. I met up with several therapists, and I found one that suited my needs. My psychiatrist helped maintain my medications regarding my depression. I originally started writing to let some of my uncensored feelings out. I have trouble expressing myself in ties of duress or stress. Writing helped me gain some perspective, but my depression will need all four components working together in tandem for me to be a functioning person.
    I finally have a job that I like, and am trying to stay positive. There have been times where waves of sadness will sweep over me. It is quite a scary feeling. I think it has only happened once at work for 5 minutes, but I was crying profusely because of this sadness. Today I deal with depression, but each day that I work on this, is one step closer to me feeling independent and happy.
    I want to share with everyone at how my depression has shaped who I am today. I think much of depression stems from the combination of my upbringing and my environmental circumstances. My parents emigrated from another country fleeing from war. They always mentioned their strife in achieving in this country. This in combination with some momentary physical abuse from my dad I think sparked the initial depression. My depression fully blossomed in high school. I had really low self esteem and felt socially awkward.
    I hit rock bottom a year ago. I was 40 and I had lost my job 8 months ago. I was on the verge on going past due on my payments, and finally had to stand up for myself. My wife had seen the proverbial ‘emotional dive off the cliff’ and all I wanted to do was sleep and cry quietly. I knew this wasn’t the normal “me,” so I sought professional help against my normal instinct.
    Since then, I have been able to get a job I like, improve my situation one day at a time. I think the most profound change in my life was to create my own happiness. I think through my parent’s upbringing, I learned that my happiness was going to be defined by my pains in life. While I know it is not realistic to go through life without pain or sadness, I was looking for more pain and suffering to help define my happiness. I don’t know if that makes any sense. I would seek out difficult situations, and in some cases, unreasonable situations to experience more discomfort. I found sadness, anger and pain more familiar than happiness. If found after time, that I forgot what being happy was like. I never realized I shut everything that was enjoyable in life. I hope this choppy post helps someone. Depression is an everyday fight for me. I am glad to experience happiness once again. Stay true to yourself.

    • Lisa says:

      Thank you for posting this, I found it to be very helpful. I too have a difficult time allowing myself to be happy and instead of finding things that make me laugh I unintentionally seek things that cause misery. I am still working on it but it’s really hard. Today I woke up and talked to God and asked Him to just take my life. I told Him I never ask Him for anything, I don’t ask for a husband (because nobody would want me), I told Him I don’t ask anymore to be cured because if He wanted to He would have since I have been suffering from depression since kindergarden. I am now 46 and things have never gotten better no matter how hard I try (meds, doctors, exercise, diet, friends, job, etc.,) I want to give up but have a little dog and 4 cats and they are keeping me here. I really hate living, I want to give away all the things that used to bring some joy to me but I still feel empty inside. Your post gave me some inspiration and encouragement. I believe I need to start focusing on the things that have the potential to make me happy instead of looking for things that are a comfort zone of bewilderment and disappointment leading to depression. Thank you!!

      • John W says:


        I’m glad you found my post helpful. below are some tips which I found helpful in getting myself out of the mental fog of depression.

        I have 3 people working on this for me.:

        1. Primary care physician:

        a. He has made sure that my overall health is in good condition.

        b. He is helping me lose some of the weight I had gained (50lbs gained= 3.57 stone)

        i. Right now I have lost 30lbs =2.14stone; 3 inches off my waist = 7.62cm

        c. My vitamin D levels were nearly nonexistent. This is a contributing factor in my depression and had to be monitored to ensure proper energy levels

        d. Thyroid is in good working condition .

        2. Qualified Therapist

        a. She has allowed me to work through some of my emotional issues

        i. Emotional baggage from childhood

        ii. How to effectively engage the world

        iii. What are my emotional triggers and what I can do to control them

        iv. How to move forward and be aware of consequences of each action

        v. How to move past ‘Analysis Paralysis’ (I love to figure things out and how they work. Unfortunately it prevents me from solving problems efficiently.)

        b. Allow me to choose the direction of therapy. I n the beginning I had to choose another therapist because I was not comfortable with her. After 4 session with my current therapist I did not Feel any better. I challenged her on this by asking what direction she was planning on this therapy, because I did not feel any better. She took notes of my comments. At my workplace, I use a coaching to behavior method style of management. In the beginning I was being coached to my feelings. I found it most annoying, and I told her to stop coaching me to my feelings. She stopped and asked which method to use. I didn’t know that there were different methods. I told her to choose something else. She has changed since then , and has set emotional goals for me with estmated time frames. If your therapist cannot give you a time frame or goals, find another one!

        3. World renown Psychiatrist ( my wife thinks he’s an idiot)

        a. He monitors my medication.

        b. That’s why I keep a journal. 1st three months I was still in a deep mental fog. The danger of not keeping a log is as follows: Example

        i. You feel crappy 29 out of 35 days

        ii. On the day you see the doctor about your medication; and you have a “Good” day

        1. He asks you, “How are you feeling?”

        2. You answer “ I feel fine.”

        iii. In reality you feel crappy 29 out of 35 days.

        iv. Medication can take up to 6 weeks to take effect.

        v. Mood and behavior diagnosis is incorrect, and time is wasted


        c. 1st 3 months of log record mood and feeling 3 times a day. Morning, mid day, dinner time. Please note any significant event that may trigger mood or feeling. (if someone died, then no amount of medication except zombification will stop the pain)

        d. Beginning month 4 record mood and feelings once a day.

        Now you have

        · an accurate log of your mood, feelings with times and dates

        · a plan to stay healthy so your body is not inhibiting your recovery

        · A therapist who can give you mental tools to handle and face life situations as they arise

        Can you tell I like having a plan? A failure to plan is a plan to fail.

      • John W says:

        Sorry Lisa, I read the post below and I thought your name was Laura. Please forgive me.

        I also found a website of people who either suffer from depression or people affected by ones who are depressed. I think they’ve given more advice and therapy on a daily basis.

  166. Laura says:

    Hi, John
    Thank you for your reply. You’re absolutely right, but, unfortunately, I didn’t find a therapist or a counselor, because in my country they are rare, expensive( I suppose there are many sessions) and it is quite hard to find a good therapist, because I’d rather somebody recommended me one.
    From now on, I will try to have a positive characterization of my self work because I can no longer continue with this stupid depression. It is an awful feeling, it basically destroys my ‘self’, my inner beauty and my way of being. I am not going to allow the negative thoughts/feelings to hug me to their heart. I will live the present moment, I will try to feel good in my inner self and stop being so hard on me. I’ll just make them my principles.
    Nevertheless, there will be moments when I will feel down and everything will seem to turn upside down. I am conscious of that. And in those very moments it will be quite difficult to me to keep my balance . Those moments are very critical for me and nothing seems to take me out of that dark mood.
    Thank you very much for your pieces of advice. I am very grateful to you. It is curious that whenever I feel down, I need to talk to someone so much and let loose my feelings. After that I feel better as I am now.
    I will keep you in touch with the progress I am making and its faults.

    Thank you.


  167. laura says:

    I think I have come across my real problems due to Storied Mind. Thank you.
    I do not have close friends at all and I tend not to socialize with people. I have prejudices. I have read a lot of books which changed my way of thinking. Definetely that is not good. I have realised that, but I never thought it would affect my way of being so much, but it does, it really does. I have created my own world which tends to destroy me.
    I have never tried to discuss this problem with anyone. Not even to my boyfriend for fear he would disconsider me.I leave the people I meet the impression that I am normal, but inside me there is a hunting stormwind which makes me feel inferior in front of them, sometimes I can hardly find my words when I try to express myself. Apart from all these, I also tend “to project my own shame into people’s minds”. That’s horrible because people do not take any personal interest in me. But I give myself away in front of them.
    It might sound weird but I do not suffer, I do not cry, I am not consumed by all these, but still I’m conscious that I don’t have any close friends. I am still going to school but it seems that i ”suceed” in keeping the others away from me.
    I want to improve my confidence but I do not know how…

    • John Folk-Williams says:

      Hi, Laura –

      I can relate so well to your description of a stormwind inside that makes you feel inferior – that’s such a common part of depression. I was wondering if you had tried talking to a counselor or therapist. That’s what I had to do to deal with feeling so badly about myself and driving others away. You mentioned being in school – can they help you find a good counselor?


      • Laura says:

        Hi, John
        Thank you for your reply.
        No, I haven’t tried to find a counselor or a therapist. I always thought that I could recover myself, but things got worse although I couldn’t realise that. I have moments when I feel okay, living my life to the full, but then I come back to the same problems over and over again. I am really convinced that it is I who has the power to reckon with depression, but sometimes I fail. At the moment I am practicing self-suggestion and yoga, but I can’t realise whether I am making progress or not. There is always something in the things I do which reminds me that I lack confidence, memory, or guts, and things seem to start again. That is the moment when I feel awful.
        My problem is ambivalent and quite ambiguous. I hope you can understand it.
        I am looking forward to your opinion.
        Thank very much.

        • John Folk-Williams says:

          Hi, Laura –

          (I thought I would reply to your last few comments here since you have subscribed to responses for this post.) I have found it hard to make progress without the help of a therapist or counselor. My mind has too many ways of trapping me in loops that keep taking me back to the starting point. You mention feeling a lack of confidence or guts, and that is one of the big traps. The negative characterization of your self-work is one of the most difficult depression symptoms to get around. I have found that a therapist is helpful primarily as a teacher of effective methods I can use on my own and as a guide or coach who can help me spot when I’m fooling myself and going round in circles.

          I am glad you find the writing here helpful, and I hope it does encourage you to write more. Your comment about almost making a mistake with your boyfriend is movingly written and also a perfect example of how depression wraps you up in ideas and perceptions that screen out the full reality of how people are behaving. I have that same tendency to keep everything inside and agonize over something that usually isn’t true. I wrote one post about an incident with my colleagues at work years ago when I was convinced they had betrayed me. I confronted them only to find that I had fabricated the whole thing on the basis of a few inaccurate perceptions of mine at a meeting. Depression has often led me into paranoid thinking of that sort. That’s why one of the basic skills that has been so helpful in recovery has been the ability to observe my own negative thinking without believing it. You mention yoga, and that is a good practice for making you observant of your body, as meditation and cognitive therapy can help you observe thoughts and feelings. Depression keeps fighting you by turning on self-criticism for not doing these practices “right” – but that’s only more symptomatic depressive thinking.

          Thanks so much for commenting.


  168. Cat says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your wonderful writing. As someone who is in the midst of a spiritual awakening, but also living with depression (there goes the law of attraction some days for me!) I totally related to this. I am sure no one cares about me, thinks I am a big dud, etc. etc. And that is not always the case. Not at all. Most of the time, I have had to shuck off people who have tried to take advantage of me or didn’t actually like it when I started getting better in spite of the depression. They suddenly went away. They liked me sick and down so I could be their project! But as well, I also know that I have probably burned people out with talk of depression and I am working on that. I feel so much shame over it though.

    As I go through this awakening process while fighting my mood swings, I also feel a need to step back from most relationships. I have been burned too many times and no one there for me when I needed them to go do something fun with. It’s been very heartbreaking and I’m having to change my whole life and the people I associate with. But first I am working on me. It hard to be your own friend at times under the weight of depression. I cry a lot and hang out with my dog and wait for something intuitive to comfort me and guide me on. Thank you.

  169. Shel says:

    “Depressed: No Friends, No Life” is probably a bit extreme for me right now, today…but I’ve definitely felt the depth of that statement at different points in my life.

    In the past I simply didn’t reach out: I kept it hidden. Even my husband didn’t know the depths of despair that I often felt. When I started therapy, I was told that I push people away…build walls around myself and keep people at arm’s length. That I don’t allow others to help me. That I don’t accept the help others are willing to give. When I finally accepted that, yes, I did suffer from chronic depression, and that my life would only get better if I worked on it actively, I chose a couple of friends to open up to. I explained some of my situation, and asked for their help, in very specific ways (which as you probably know is extremely difficult to do…opening yourself up like that…allowing yourself to be so vulnerable). I wish that I could say that this has been a good thing…but unfortunately it hasn’t really worked the way I had hoped. Maybe my expectations were too high. I’m trying to stay positive, but am perplexed that I can be such a poor judge of character in others…repeatedly. I have to keep reminding myself to fight the negative self-talk, but it’s really hard when you face disappointment nearly every time to put yourself out there with other people. It’s far easier to stay within myself.

    All of your points are spot on with me. If I felt up to risking it, I would forward your blog to a couple of people just so that they might understand all of this better.

    • John Folk-Williams says:

      Hi, Shel –

      It may not be that you’re a poor judge of character (though depression makes clear judgment harder), it could just be that people don’t want to hear about a chronic problem like depression. So many people simply won’t go into their vulnerabilities. As you share yours, they may well fear getting too close to their own. I made several mistakes like that of talking to the wrong person. Suddenly, they aren’t really there for you anymore. When a couple of friends heard I had cancer about 20 years ago, that was it. They were gone. It’s a rare friend who can handle such things and remain helpfully responsive. On the other hand, I found it essential to open up to my wife and later to my grown children – the honesty has only drawn us closer together.


  170. Kirsten says:

    What I just read that was so beautifully written sounds exactly like me. I was wondering if you could email me. I have been diagnosed bipolar/depression. I have a king story. I am a female, only 21 and just got out of the Marine Corps and am happily married- but who I am has been suffering since I was 16.

  171. mark says:

    just be comfortable with yourself and who you are in the end of the day. Then you don’t have to seek anything from anyone becasue you’ll know who you are. I think a lot of people think if they don’t have friends or money that their life is a failure. But what are friends only aquaintences who really lets be honest won’t be around when times get tough for you. Money is the same. A materialistic trap that many people have fallen into and wasted the great gift of life in spending their days trying to acquire. So really in the end have you lost out on something or have you gained something. Trust me it all comes from how you percieve yourself.

    If you see it as a bad thing then guess what it’ll be a bad thing.

    This thing also of bringing people out that the other poster mentioned doesn’t really work. Ive had people do that and all that happens is they drag you into their happy little world trying to make you happy and you may not really be comfortable with it in the first place.

    I guess in summary the truth is once your comfortable with yourself who you are everything falls into place.

  172. Tom says:

    My friends and I have come up with a strategy that has been useful when any of us gets stuck in a rut: we more or less, literally, pull the down and out person out of the their house and take them out for some fun. It sounds and sometimes can be pretty hard but in the end, it always expedites the healing process.

    Is this a good tactic? Or should this type of depression-kicking strategy only be used by very close friends/relatives?

    • john says:

      Hi Tom –

      If it works, that’s great! I’m not sure, though, what you mean by “stuck in a rut.” That sounds more like a normal down period that everyone has from time to time rather than the chronic depression I write about here. Depression as a disorder as opposed to the “blues” would last quite a while and be pretty stubborn. Working on the symptom can certainly help – I do similar things to get myself out in the sunshine when I’m down – but that wouldn’t keep it from coming back. If it seems more persistent and really is depression, the illness, you would know that. Consulting a counselor would also be a way of checking out what was happening. But, as I say, if it works to pull a friend out of the house and improves outlook and mood, that’s a good thing. Everyone has their own methods to deal with the immediate feelings.


  173. John,
    I’m stunned again at hearing all my own experiences spoken with such clarity and such understanding.
    I wish I could tell you what it’s like to have all these words in me, jumbled and split, but in me nonetheless; and then to see them all put together, in the right order, to tell some of my own story… It is so strange and again, highlights the commonalities of depression.
    For an illness that is so profoundly isolating, there is a hell of a lot of shared experience involved…

    When I’m really bad, I can’t face being near anyone because it feels so overwhelmingly pointless.
    I guess tht in a way, I’m still very much at the mercy of all this and although not terribly depressed at this very second, or even on this day, I feel as though it is almost a part of me nowadays.

    I identify with what you you write about people not really being able to handle despair in others. I think it has to be one of the hardest things… to be exposed to absolute bottomless despair in another… maybe even harder than being faced with your own.
    I also find / have found that not too many people really ‘get it’ and so find it pretty fruitless to evn attempt to explain.
    I do just the opposite really.
    Hardly anyone, bar my therapist and 2 good friends, would ever even guess that I suffer from it. For the most part I am incredibly upbeat and positive.
    I struggle with this bcause I find that the act exhausts me. At the same time, I cling to it because it keeps me alive.
    I would be far too afraid to show people the darkness and the lack of hope that is like a shadow across my lungs and gut. I would be ashamed.

    Thank you for such a thought provoking, well articulated post. Again.

    Much love

  174. Andy K says:

    very articulate, thank you!

  175. Evan says:

    Reaching out can be tricky. Normally my friends know that I am willing and able to listen. Sometimes it’s just sitting with them.

    It can be pretty awful being with the distress.

    • john says:

      Hello, Evan –

      They must trust you to be with them in a supportive, non-judgmental way. You project that deep humanity through your writing as well. I hope you have someone to turn to for your own need.

      My best, as always –


  176. Wendy Love says:

    As always, it amazes me how many words you can find to describe some of these feelings and experiences. I am a bottom line kind of person, summing up without giving all the details of what leads to my conclusions. But you ask a good question which I will try to answer. When I reach a really dark place I email (don’t phone) a few choice friends, tell them I am in trouble once again and ask them to pray. They are only too happy to do that for me as I am happy to do that for them as well. I choose carefully, only those that understand depression and will not be overwhelmed with my request. They all know I don’t want visitors, just prayer. It has taken me a long time to get to this place. But actually reaching out is not my style when depressed. I hide, which is my form of rest, and stay hidden until my symptoms improve and I am able, once again, to face people. Then I report to my prayer team, who are encouraged by my progress. When I am feeling quite good though I try to connect with a friend. It seems then to be wonderful medicine for me and they are happy to see me since they don’t see me very often. If I am not doing well, but not down so badly that I have to hide in bed, I will sometimes visit a specially chosen friend, who I am comfortable with. I don’t necessarily tell them I am down. I just try to enjoy the visit and often find it lifts my spirits at least for awhile. This is probably easier for women than for men since we relate to each other so naturally and manage to share from our hearts without much effort. I guess that it would probably be more difficult for a man to find a man friend to relate with. Therefore the topic of friends for depressed men becomes even more depressing! But for anyone reading this, if you don’t have an appropriate friend, pray and ask God to send you one. He will!

    • john says:

      Hi, Wendy –

      It’s wonderful that you’ve found a way to deal with this and have the heartfelt support of friends. I think you’re right about men trying to relate to other men. In fact, I had a section on that in this post but cut it out since it’s such a general problem. I shouldn’t have. The close relationships many men have with other men tend to go back to early years, growing up together, in school or very early in their work lives. After that there’s enough competitiveness that it can be hard to admit to problems. Then also men are raised to keep their feelings to themselves or even suppress them. That’s communicated by all sorts of cues, not just strict parents. So, yes, that’s hard. I’ve always found it much easier to talk to women friends about these things.

      Thank you for letting us know about how you deal with this.


  177. Mo says:

    I too have felt the same way, very recently. I “censor” myself, according to my therapist, but I think he’s only got it half right. I’m not trying to censor myself. Rather, I’m desperately trying to speak, but no words will come out. My mind, in social situations, can become a complete blank. The other day I was out with a group from work, one of whom I really wanted to befriend, but I could not say anything of value. I can write it down, I can say it to my wife (with great difficulty), but I cannot reach out when I’m depressed and anxious.

    • john says:

      Hi, Mo –

      I’ve felt that same way, and it is quite different from censorship. Talking to others, even people I know well, can be impossible – my mind blanks out, and I just feel stupid. Or I speak so slowly that people start filling in sentences for me. I started telling people I wasn’t well or else avoided even trying to talk to anyone when in that condition. I sympathize. It is a big step to see this as a symptom – I hope your therapist can listed to everything you say. Sometimes, they can jump to conclusions.

      My best to you –


  178. Shadow Girl says:

    Hi. I’m 26 years old, going on 27 this year. I never thought I would still be this way. I’ve been reading everyone’s comments just crying my eyes out. There’s so much pain and I wish I could take it away from everyone and myself. I haven’t really allowed myself to truly cry in a long time. I got used to numbing myself and slowly destroying my soul and personality, year after year of isolation. I’ve never been the type to seek out friends and I never learned to change it. I remember in middle school my group of “friends” would laugh and call me shadow(when they did acknowledge me) because I just silently followed them around and would only speak when spoken to. I felt I didn’t deserve anything from anyone. My mom was always very dramatic, inconsistent and critical when I was growing up so maybe that made me who I am. She had her own reasons to be depressed. My dad was never around because he spent time working and traveling. I don’t know. I don’t want to blame anyone for who I am today… The past can’t change. Anyways, I would always wait for people to approach me first. Maybe I have always felt unworthy of anyone’s time or attention. Eventually, people stopped trying to talk to me when I was so closed off even after repeated times of the same person coming up and trying to talk to me. Any normal person would give up. But the rejection is so hard… and I hate myself for not being able to open up before they go away. Now I have become so good at isolating that most people tend to leave me alone or they get the hint after one interaction with me. There’s relief in that I don’t have to face rejection but then I start feeling like I don’t exist. And I just desperately wish someone would want to talk to me. I want to be treated like a person and be seen. I wish someone could enjoy my presence and I could enjoy theirs. It just reinforces my feelings that I’m not worth being friends with. I’m unlikable and any healthy person can see that and stays away. I feel like everyone is better off without me. I would just bring them down or they could turn into someone like me. I have nothing good to offer anyone. I feel like the past several years I’ve been nonexistent. A ghost, just watching everyone around me smile, laugh and live their lives while I’m safe and miserable behind my walls. I think I died a long time ago. And that’s why I was also crying so much after reading all the posts. I realized how dead I am and how much I’ve missed out on. I finally let myself feel the pain and cry. I’ve worked 3 full-time jobs since I graduated college in 2012. Somehow I’ve made it in that aspect and I live independently but I still never let anyone in the ENTIRE time. It’s like when I’m around people I take on this fake personality. I become so agreeable and submissive just to please anyone around me. But it kills me. It’s not me! It’s who everyone thinks I am, and when the real me slips up on rare occasions– when I say something assertively in a playful manner, when I tease people back in good humor– people don’t realize I’m just being playful… And that really hurts because I would never do anything or say anything to purposefully hurt anyone. And it hurts even more because they are rejecting the real me. They’re so used to the super polite, sweet girl with the stoic expression that they can’t understand or accept the real me. The real me that likes to be playful with others and be carefree. I’ve conditioned them to not accept me because the fake me is usually so consistent and different from my real self. I haven’t had a close female friend since the end of high school when my best friend showed her true colors and continued to show in different ways she didn’t care about me at all. I assumed because I cared about her well-being as my best friend that she felt the same way. But she didn’t… After that I went to college and my first boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me and so I was then left isolated at this college in a different city. All my college years went by in isolation. I went to class and came home. I thought of suicide several times and overdosed on pills a few times to experiment with it but no one knew. I had been cutting myself since middle school and started doing that again. I got into a couple long distance relationships with guys I met online, whoever made me feel comfortable to be myself. My last serious relationship was another guy I met online, moved in with me, and he eventually became emotionally and physically abusive, starting fights every day accusing me of things, cheating on me, molested me on camera while I was passed out after he gave me drink after drink(only for me to find out it happened 6 months later when I was using his laptop), then when I was in the process of breaking up with him he replaced me within a couple days of finding that stuff on his laptop, and had the new girl move in. He used me and threw me away. I developed panic attacks and nightmares for several months after it all. On top of that, one of my friend’s who I made through volunteering with hospice died and I hated myself even more for isolating myself from her when I was still with my ex. I decided my ex was the last person I was stupid enough to put all of my trust into. Before I met him I felt more comfortable around guys than women but now I’m equally or more uncomfortable around men. I’m scared of them targeting me, manipulating me, then ruining my life for awhile and breaking me again like he did. So now I equally push men and women away. I’m sorry for the melodramatic novel =/ I’ve been alone for so long it’s easy for me to just put the focus on me and feel sorry for myself. I even work for a crisis hotline yet here I am with my own issues. It somewhat helps to take the focus off my self and help other people by empathizing with their pain, but at this point even that doesn’t help take the focus off me very long. There’s nothing else to do or think about other than my own thoughts because I have no life. I can’t bring myself to do hobbies or feel any kind of pleasure from anything. I’ve taken various prescriptions and herbal supplements for my depression but so far no luck… I have ADD too so I’ve always felt like a failure and that I can’t measure up to anyone else. I feel like I’ve done it all at this point other than face my fear and approach people repeatedly and risk the rejection and pain. Each day that goes by is a reminder of my wasted life and how if I continue going this way it will never change. I can’t stand that reality but I don’t want to face my fears and really prove to myself that I really am that piece of shit to everyone. I can’t stand myself and I’m not surprised if any of you can’t stand me either. I just wish, so fucking bad, I could connect with people and build memories and share things together like normal people do. I want to have a female friend and be a normal girl. I want to find the love of my life and show how loving I can really be. I want to meet people and hear their stories and learn from them. I want to grow and live to my potential. Live the life that is real or me. This isn’t it… I have had dreams of another version of myself coming to me and holding me, hugging me, and I wake up feeling so happy and relieved. Just that feeling of being completely loved, accepted and whole. But it’s just a dream… I know the key is to learn to love myself and that’s how I can save myself from this nightmare. But I don’t understand how to change how I feel. I’ve tried… How can I socialize with other people when this feeling of hatred and shame is always there? Maybe I just need to face it and if I get positive reactions I’ll learn that I can be liked and valued. I hope at least one of us here can find a way out of this misery. Thank you for listening. I love you all.

By clicking