Storied Mind has changed a lot. Whether you’re new to the site or a long-time visitor, you might need some orientation. To begin with, the Recover Life from Depression site has been folded into this one. You can now find all the posts, comments and links from both sites in one place.
To make it easier to find what you’re looking for, we’ve added several permanent sections to the regular flow of posts on the blog. Each section features one of the major topics and the latest posts on each.
A Story of Depression and Recovery
While putting this new format together, I realized that the site is organized a little bit like a story. It’s a very long story about finding a way to live well with depression. There are four basic phases, and each has its own section on the site.
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Living Depressed: Becoming aware of depression and how it’s crippling your life
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Choices in Healing: Finding the most effective therapies and actively applying them in you life.
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Relationships: Trying to hold onto close relationships while working to get better.
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Living Well: Adapting to depression over the long-term and learning to live as well as possible
Core Posts
To help you get an overview of what Storied Mind covers, I’ve organized some of the key posts here under popular topics. These posts are a good starting place since they go to the core purpose of Storied Mind – to help you find your own way to deal with depression.
Recovery
Men & Depression
Marriage, Relationships & Depression
- The Longing to Leave – 2
- How to Work Together to Save Your Relationship from Depression
- Talking to Depression – 1
Work & Depression
- Depression at Work-3: Should You Change Your Job or Your Life?
- Work and Depression
- Work, Identity and Recovery – 1
Depression Symptoms
Depression & Children
Depression Treatments
Thank you first of all. John, sounds like me and your living with depression story. 1982 is when it started for me and I heard same things, if you just exercise, if you “any number” of suggestions…They don’t help.
I beat myself up after making errors at work, then get dumped on by coworker for same mistake. No end to the negative thoughts, it only makes me feel worse than I already do. I wake up, drag myself out of bed, down my 5 second walk of hallway to work from home.. rinse and repeat almost 5 days a week. I have been fighting it everyday, can’t “just snap out of it” to some people’s requests. Doesn’t work that way.
I need some advice. That I am sure I know the answer to but I don’t want to face it because one I’m afraid maybe I am making the wrong choice and 2 I have a son who I don’t want to hate me. I’ve been with this guy for over 14 yrs we have an 12 yr old son who is my life. When I first met his father my fiance I thought I was the luckiest person to have met such a great guy I mean he treated me like a princess there were no issued with affection, no.sexual issues he was just amazing and when I became pregnant with our son he did everything from rub my feet anything for me to.show.me.he loved me was very romantic I could go on. After our son was born he still helped he changed diapers he worked.we.were a team like it should be. We then had some issues I don’t know if I was going thru post partom depression but he slept on the couch for sometime and my son slept in the bed. All in all things changed sex was not an interest as it wAs just things I.guess.u go thru. We stayed together and I had told him that we needed to work on things between us I missed the person.I fell in love with and I’m sure likewise for him. I’ve put forth.effort in to reconnect in every way possible. And things would be fine but then not. Then he started doing things as the relationship progressed he would get nasty.if.I woke him.up in the morning he sleeps.til all hours of the dAy most of the time he has no longer been able to.hold a.job sex is almost never maybe once every 2.months if that.and that’s on him. I feel as I have to sort of always be the one to.go.up and show affection I’m feeling like I’m begging for.attention. I mean sleeping in the same bed is just sleeping I have to roll over and put my arm around him to cuddle I would fall over if i.ever woke up and it was him holding me. He is just a miserable person and takes no responsibility for any of his actions I don’t know how I let this happen. It’s making me so miserable that I’m finding myself sleeping until ,,mid.afternoon. I know life is not a movie and everything is not perfect but I just want happiness for.me.snd.my son and and a partner/ best friend that I can laugh with feel secure with and have goals with someone who is in it together. And I don’t feel that and I.dont feel.its ever going to change. He is.a.38.,,yr old and is like a child he walks around when.he does wake up with a phone or iPad in.his hand.most.of.thr day playing games or.online. When I say I am going to.leave.he makes me.the bad guy and I know.that is a narcissist behavior by him and turns me into.the bad guy with my son. I do love him.with all my heart and I want the person back who was the amazing person I fell in love with back but I’ve tried And tried Nd I cannot go.on feeling like this not wanted sexually Having all the financial burden on me feeling I am begging for his affection . I should not have to I am worth more than that and I know that . I told him to.go.get help if he is.depressed and I would.stick by his side to help him with whatever he needs but.he then says he had no problem and acts.like.I am the crazy one. I don’t want my son to think this is an acceptable way of living and him treating someone.he loves like this. Please any advice would be appreciated.
Hi, I have been in a similar situation after 25 years of good marriage . My husband suddenly left me and now I know he has been having affair for nearly a year . My only regret is in letting him slip through without realising how bad the situation was for him.
You need to work together with his behaviour, be the better person and help him get through his difficult period together.
Hello everyone my name’s Michael I’m in Arizona
Lonely 52 year old male.
Well the holidays are just around the corner I dread it.
My ex and I separated 4 years ago she lives now in P.A
my father past away in 2009 and when I met my ex now was in 2000. I explained at the time I met her that when my dad died or my mother that the servivor would be Comming to live with me I promised both I would be there for them. At the time she didn’t mind that I had made those commiments, but when I came that time she turned into a whole different person. After my dad died I had to go take care of getting my mother life combined with mine. Well as the years went by she resented me with each passing year as if I was cheating her out of some time spent with her. Well my mother passed away last year in October. I had prepared myself and could feel it Comming . I’m the type of nurturing kind of man. I’m not happy unless all are happy. I’m 5″7 very stocky 200 lb I have worked hard my intire life. I have a homestead with two homes on 3 1/2 Acer’s . I graduated from college in 1996 . I have one son that I’m not close to we don’t talk and that’s really not me he was raised with his mother telling him she didn’t want him in my life because we seperated. And because she was to jellouse to share him. So here I set my familys all gone it’s just me and my dog I raised from a pup bottle feeding him his mother didn’t produce milk. So he was Fed by hand. I’m not a drinking type I never aquierd the taste for it. And I don’t care for bars. I see myself as a very educated type of man. I can repair anything. I have a very quite mind with no triggers that set me off because I worked thru my childhood tramas . I’m goal oriented setting my goals each day. There’s just no where to meet a woman I have tried the date sites. They don’t work for me. I think it’s because I was never the type of man to keep hitting on a woman. I have always felt that when it was right she would show up and let me know shes interested. I’m a good looking guy. I just don’t put myself out there. I guess I don’t like rejection. So the holidays are around the corner and I get real down. You know for myself the woman in my life always was my reason to get up everyday . I injoy being in a relationship it compleats me as a person. My only problem is I spoil them. My relationships that I have had all were long ones and after 10 years people start growing apart. And I feel like I have never had the opportunity to meet the right one. I know if I could just find the right one I would compleat her life as much as she mine. I don’t think date sites are good for people to meet. Any way I will welcome any input from anyone Thank you for your time. Sincerely Michael
I’m alone too but in georiya
Hi Michael, I hear you on dating , I’m afraid to trust anyone. I dint give mo one a chance, because when I left being with a NARC, for 10 years, took alot away from me. My Independency. Self esteem, confidence, socialization, etc. I live in an RV now with my 2 dogs, because I was kicked out on the street by him, I’m glad that i know how to finance my money because i would be living in the street still. It’s hard for me to get a job, because i feel like i cant do it, I’m not worthy and it’s so hard to start all over after you wasted 10 years of your life being put down and being in isolation. I’m 50 and peole say i look 30, (thank God for good genes).
All I ever wanted on my life is to be happy and to make someone happy, I’m more of person who has morales and respects, I’m more of an old fashioned person, i love animals and have a big heart…well i just thought i reply to you and say that i hear what you are talking about. I also have a son, but he dont visit me, he lives in the same town as i do, but it seems like he hates me for some reason, so it’s hard being alone, sad and not having anyone there. I know it’s been a little past a year since you made a comment on this site, and I hope your life is alot better than it was before. Thanks for taking the time on reading my comment, I wish you well.
Yvonne ❤
Hi all.
I am so glad to have found this page as i was starting to think i was going mad. I’ve been with my husband for the last 18 years with 2 children. My husband lost his mum just over 17 years ago but i don’t think he ever grieved properly. About 5 years ago he had a complete breakdown. He eventually was put on medication and went to counselling. He is very reluctant to open up to anyone. I asked him when he is going back now that some things are returning to normal and he said he doesnt think he is. I think he is trying to pretend its not happening and i am getting so angry with him and on a emotional rollercoster. I’ve tried my very best trying to discuss help even . A life couch, PT just to motivate him and everything is no. Now i know hes ill but when you are trying to keep everything going for the sake of the kids and are emotionally and physically drained is ot normal to feel anger, and to start asking is my marriage over as what do you do if he just wont reach out and get help and you dont feel gulity but dont want to be living like this forever and feel like you have just had enough..
I met who I believe is the love of my life 2 years ago online (I’ll call her M). At that time, I was recently married and going through a depression. I decided to separate from my wife, focus on getting better, and maintaining relationship with M. She knew I was married, she never insisted on me leaving her, and up until I left my wife, she didn’t really believe in our relationship. Basically, I gave up my current life so that I could have a chance with M. In the following year and half, I visited her three times, grew fond of each other, and talk about being a proper couple in the future and loving one another. We spoke very often, even at mornings before leaving for work, made time for each other. The last time I visited her she introduced me to her family. She had partner before for 5 years, and she never introduced him. This was a major milestone, and I knew I was important to her. She’ve told me secrets and traumas she had not shared with anybody before. I know I meant a lot to her and she wanted to do things the right way, and I respected that. She comes from a less financially well status, but she has always manage. About a month and half ago she disappeared and I was unable to reach her. I knew she was struggling, and when she needed me the most she didn’t want me to help her. When she reappeared she told me via text she had several problems and that she felt she needed to get away from her world and forget about everyone, and that she traveled somewhere (she haven’t traveled anywhere since she was 13 and is now 25). I told her I didn’t understand why she also had to forget about me. She told me she does not want to, but needs time to be alone and figure herself out and there is no need for me to worry. Despite that, a week has passed and she still hasn’t called me or told me the whole story nor she seems interested in calling me. I don’t understand why. A month before, she wanted to be with me, she called me all the time, and now its like I don’t matter anymore. She comes from a broken family, her father is an alcoholic, she’s the whole provider for her house, she left a well paying job for a less stable, and has been struggling with money for a year. She had plans to move out and live on her on, she had even bought furniture and appliances and had to sell them. Her twin tried to commit suicide and that twin has always used M into taking care of her niece. I know M is a person that almost all of the time took care of everyone else without asking for anything back, or a just a little. I know that it got to a point where all of this was too much and broke her. But in that time, why didn’t she need my help? I’ve always been there for her, always supported her and help her. There was even a natural disaster where she lives and I went to see if I could be of any help to her or her family. And all of this is even harder because it’s all online, when she wants to disappear, she’s is completely off the grid. I want to be supportive of her and she told me not to worry. I think that she still cares about me, and thinks about me for the future, but I went through a depression (but with less stressful and scaring traumas) and ended up leaving my wife for someone I met online. Though, M is if the first woman in my life I’ve felt like I can be my true self, and I feel more comfortable with her than I ever felt with my wife. She wants to move to the US where I live, and she said we will be probably be close, but I’m worried she’ll end up wanting to forget about me and start new. I want to be supportive of her, but it doesn’t seem she needs me or wants my help. And I want to tell her how she hurt me, but I don’t want to push her away. Sometimes I think this is karma, and that what I did to my wife is coming for me, though I never had any bad intentions and I married her for the right reasons. I believe God or something put M in my life for a reason. I don’t know what to do. Any insights or advice would be appreciated.
Hi,
I’m 40, as is my husband. We have been together 22 years and married for 7. The last 25 months have been awful, he had an online affair that ended last August, a lie I told many years ago came rushing out as he hadn’t dealt with, we lost our first baby and had a funeral etc for her, his business partner became toxic, and he’s lost his business, he has been suicidal, we also lost a second pregnancy, he turned to sex outside the marriage as a response to the affair ending. I can see the depression and have got him to take omega 3, zinc and vitamin D. He won’t go to the GP. I’ve just read about Safron being as good as Prozac, so will get him some of that.
Anyway we were ticking along fine then he had a massive collapse mid January and announced he wants to separate for awhile as the pain is too much it never goes. I’m devastated and at a loss. I know the pain won’t go when he leaves. He’s still not left as he has no fixed income (another of his issues), I have to release equity from our home so he can go rent somewhere c he has a fantasy life planned ( I don’t mean that rudely, but it sounds like it), his self worth is at rock bottom description of himself include he’s a gargoyle meaning he’s ugly inside and out.
I listen and rarely argue back with him. I validate and acknowledge his feelings.
What am I meant to do? Just let him go? He had no idea how long or if he’ll want to come back. He says he loves me, fancies me, isn’t bored but is in pain.
Please help I’m lost
He may very well be telling the truth; he probably is in a lot of pain, but you have to take care of yourself too. You can’t have a guy stringing you along like that saying, “Oh I would be attracted to you but I’m in too much pain!” I mean, really? You do what you want, but if you want to be with someone who wants you for you, I’m sure you can find that person (again, if that’s what you want). And you can always help this guy from afar. Sounds like he just needs some help from a professional, and unless you’re trained, that’s not really your job frankly. One thing would be that he really wants to be with you and is apologetic for his depression and wants your help. Another is, “I’m so depressed I have to fuck other women!” I mean, sorry to put it so bluntly but as a guy who has been depressed for a long time I can’t see how these two things are related. I mean, I sorta can see, but as I said your first priority is to YOU and YOUR health. He needs to help himself.
Yes”” I have had enough tried every antidepressant.they have thrown at me.
.also .got hooked on diazipan & zapain as well….along the way…i can’t remember what’s normal
or who I was before all this..maryann
I’m a 56 year old female, with borderline personality disorder, acute anxiety, clinical depression. I’m unemployed past 5 years; I had a stroke last year, & lost my mother 4 months ago. I have no friends, I’m afraid of everything. I feel guilty about my mom’s passing, am constantly crying, miserable, & physically hurt myself when hysterical, which is daily. Can’t handle adversity or conflict, can’t talk to anyone, too scared. Tell myself daily what a failure I am, the world is better off without me. Homeless & dejected, frustrated, confused, unwilling to seek treatment due to prior problems with treatment & counseling. I just want to quit life, I’m useless & worthless anyway
Hi
I need some advice from others that may have walked the path im currently in .myself and father of my children have been living together for 7 years. I must say that in the beginning like most relationships it was fine until he started not looking after himself like bathing, or brushing teeth even. Obviously i started to pull away and just continue living and over time it has become like living with a friend. Only Platonic. We have 2 small kids together. At this present time, he is NOT going to work in 2 weeks complaining that he is sick and has now been given antidepressants. I am afraid for my kids. his not very helpful around the house and i do mostly everything. How do i get this better or should i just carry on alone
I need some advice before I go stir crazy .
I meet this amazing guy just over a year ago , on date three he confined in me he gets that sad that he thinks about hanging himself but because of his son he doesn’t . I was so upset I couldn’t go to my work the next day . So over the year it developed as well as having major depression he also has bdd and survives on liquidised oats and cream . There was outbursts . Me ending it with him and vise versa. We’d plan outings he’d cancel within hours of meaning to go regardless of how much money it had cost me . Three weeks ago I managed to get him to register with a Doctor which I done all the work and took him to register . We’d planned our first wknd away he cancelled , and I snapped . Called him everything under the son . I ended up going to my doctor and been prescribed antidepressants . We had another fight over message . I started drinking which I hardly drink and sent the message saying well done you’ve finally broke me like you I may as well take all the antidepressants . He’s blocked me . I emailed a few days later apologising saying I was emotional angry he replied but said if I messaged once more he’d block me . It’s been a week , I sit and worry every second . Checking to see if he’s unblocked me . He doesn’t have any family or friends , his work environment is terrible and he’s self employed and hadn’t any appointments so I know he will be worrying about his rent . I can’t risk contacting by a new number I don’t want to push him further away if that’s possible .
My situation is a bit different than most here, but I am looking for some solid advice for my parents. My Dad has been through cancer and treatment last 7 years. His cancer is in remission and one would think that would make him happier, but instead he is very depressed.
My parents have been married over 50 years and are in their early 70’s. My mother is a rock and has always been the strongest, hardest working woman I have ever met. I am quite concerned about her lately as I see she is very frustrated, mad really, and falling onto depression herself trying to help my Dad. She feels so helpless. Nothing she tries helps him and honestly I don’t feel like he tries to help himself. He talks doom and gloom all the time. He talks about suicide at times or about how she would be better off without him. I think she is scared to death to leave him alone and he refuses to do anything except sleep, smoke and sit around the house talking doom and gloom.
My Dad has always been a bit selfish, putting his needs first. My mother, in my opinion, has always been an enabler…she has always done everything for him. It is her partly due to her old school raising. She does everything for him, and more so since he became sick. My dad seems to thrive on attention from her and others. I don’t think their problems are entirely cancer or depression related….but she was alright until the depression magnified the situation. Now I think she feels very trapped, stuck at home with him and nobody to talk to. She wears herself out working and keeping physically busy…I think to try and escape the boredom and hell of living with him. I have heard him say some harsh words to her and wonder what he says when I am not present.
I do my best to see them when I can. They live over an hour’s drive one way, so if I go to visit I try to stay all day. I also call or email often, try talking with her. I don’t know what to do to try to help them. He has refused to see a talk therapist when I have suggested it in the past. They live in a remote, rural area, so support groups for him or her don’t exist locally. Mum has made good friends in a garden club….it helps a little.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I believe my dad needs to take responsibility for his own health and get help, but he keeps refusing to do so. When Mum leaves and tries to live her life by going to family events, garden club…she feels guilty (and scared) about leaving him alone. What advice should I give her? She needs to do something as I see her slipping away now as well. She is so sad all the time.
I would like to see him transferred to a facility until he gets his depression under control and then for him to continue therapy and have his depression meds and symptoms carefully monitored by a doctor. This should not be falling on my Mum to fix. It is his issue and she is not a doctor. She desperately needs help and guidance. It is one thing to be supportive, and she has been, and an entirely different thing to be expected to cure him. What advice do you have?
Hello everyone? I don’t know where to start really.
My wife found out that My ex had a baby while we were married “me&wife”.
8 days ago she stop all communications and block me from everything “calls, txts, social media”
But when she left me she didn’t say a word to me so idk anything if she even found out, last txt from her was I love u babe xoxox. After that she stop all communication with me.
Now we are still married and i don’t even know if she wants a divorce. Am currently deployed so there is no much I can do from out here.
I hope anyone can tell me what’s going on or something to make me feel better. Am lost in the dark.
Thank you all.
Can somebody give me some insight, something, anything at this point will do. I was with my boyfriend for almost a year. He ended things a month ago
Long story short, I met him when I wasn’t looking for anybody. We feel in love with each other and connected from the start. What we had was beautiful and it was pure. Obvious we had times where I would loose my temper, or we would have arguments but we always worked through them. I recently left for university and I didn’t get to see him as much. I have suffered from depression myself, and I am familiar with the signs. I started to realize that something was going on with my boyfriend back in September and I asked him about it. He said it was just a funk and that he gets like that sometimes. He shut his friends out and I tried to get one of his good friends to come and see him. He didn’t acknowledge the effort and didn’t respond to this friend. That’s when I really knew. I never brought it up again because he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings. We continued to see each other and for me things were good. I could see all of my friends could see that he was in love with me. I couldn’t help but feel inside that this man was hurting. I was waiting for him to admit it to let me in. We fought one weekend in November because I was so angry that I couldn’t come home. 8 took it out on him and I fully regret that. A couple days after that argument he asked for a break. Said it would be good for us. I came home a week later and we hung out and that seemed to be good. Everything seemed to be normal and that we were being all lovey. I really got my hopes up. He let me in a little bit when he cried to me about feeling so lost and low about himself and depressed. I thought this is it this is our break through. I now know this is for sure and we can get him help. Ea few days later after giving me reassurance that he still saw a future with me he ended things. He is a sensitive man. I have seen him cry numerous of times and comfort me when things are tough. This time around he was cold and stern and distant. Not a single tear which is not normal for him. He blamed it on us said it wasn’t the same and it never will be. I couldn’t believe it I didn’t see it coming. I fought so hard for a good month and it got me no where his responses were cold and short. He is now seeing my therapist and I’m hoping and praying that this will help and that this good honest man finds himself. I recently saw him and he said sorry for blaming us. It was the things that were going on with him. He asked to kiss me and I let him. It was like seeing that he was still there that his flame inside was still burning and hanging on. I know this man like a book. I could see that he enjoyed talking to me. A week later he was cold with me again. He wants to be alone he wants nothing to do with me. It hurts because I have been through depression I know that what he is doing are some things I did to my loved ones. I don’t want to give up on him because this isn’t who he is. But I have put myself in my own depression because I feel guilty and I constantly think I have caused this and want to go back in time and change my actions. I am praying to god that with space and time and him continuing to see a therapist he realizes that I was good for him. I want to be with him because I have nothing but love for this man and I know I’m my heart in my gut this is my person. We both knew that and we both felt that. I’m fully aware what depression can do to your mind and soul and change the way you think. I know that this is the root cause but I can’t help but think the absolute worse. If anyone is going through the same thing your thoughts your experience would be so helpful. And men if you have ever done this to a loved one and been the one with the depression then please help me to understand what is going through this mans mind. Why push me away when I have nothing but love and support to offer?
KT.J, my ex and I had quite a tumultuous relationship, when it was good it was amazing, when it was bad it was awful, but I thought we agreed that we would always try to fix things rather than just give up. After a huge fight my ex left me and went back to stay with her parents. She told me she needed to stay away to work on herself and us. She told me she would come back. I didn’t cope with her leaving very well at all (I also have depression, anxiety and OCD) as I had become very dependent on her, and I made the situation worse by not just supporting her, although I think it was unfair of her to expect me to just deal with her leaving me instantly. I kept trying to get her to care about how I was, which she was only partly able to do, she was also quite cold and rude. One day we talked for 3 hours, just sending each other cute emoji’s and chatting about lighthearted things and I know she enjoyed that conversation. Unfortunately, I then tried to get her to care about me again and she abruptly ended the conversation. I went to her parents house, they ended up throwing me out even though I was not doing anything bad. That was a week after she left and two days later she stopped talking to me altogether. It’s been over 2 months now. Her parents already didn’t like me and I feel like they have poisoned her against me. We were so close, I know her so well, I’ve seen her at her best and her absolute worst, but when someone becomes so adamant they want nothing more to do with you, you begin to question what you had with them. It seems that she is now blaming me for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I am willing to accept a large amount of the blame, but there were many times when she hurt me terribly. She once told me we belonged together and I still believe that. We had something very special. I know she believed that too. I can’t believe she’s thrown all that away for things that could be worked through. I want to help her but she refuses to let me.
Hi guys. I don’t know where to start or how. My ex girlfriend has been diginosed with post partum depression and anxiety with the past 3month. We been seeing each other for the past four years were separated for the past 2 months. Our life’s has been great together had it up and downs as any relationship would have, she the she is my soul mate and she told me the same. I’ve been struggling to get a grip on this hole thing about depression been reading a lot on it, research on depression and relationships. She has left with me the kids and I had to quit my job in order to look after them. How could someone so caring, affectionate, kind, warm hearted, intelligent, be the opposite now? She is getting help seeing thriapist, on meds and seeing pycitrist also she been staying with her sister who like 15minutes away. She told me she no longer happy with the relationship any more. She doesn’t care about me anymore also told me that. I do want to support her and want to to get better for her sakes and as us as a family. The kids do miss her every day youngest is 2 oldest is 7. How does one cope with all these feeling I have and I do want her back and would love her back. I know all the matter is she gets help first. any advice and how I should support her? How to get reconnect with her even though she doesn’t want to?
I am not a doctor, but I do think post part up depression is quite different than other types of depression. You are fortunate she is seeking help, taking meds and therapist. Right now that is what is going to help her get better. I would give her space, have patience and let her work on healing herself first. Let her get stable emotionally and don’t overwhelm her with questions about your relatio ship.
I am sure she cares about her children. She just cannot handle taking care of them right now. Let her know that you support her and are glad she is taking care of herself. Also, let her know that you will take care of the kids, not to worry about them, while she is recovering. I think if she knows that you are being supportive and will be there if and when SHE is ready to see or talk to you and the kids, it will help her to focus on herself right now. Explain to the kids that Mommy is sick and they won’t see her as much for a while, but they can also be supportive of her by sending her paintings or cards they make. It will keep them connected.
Biggest thing here….to put it bluntly, don’t push right now. Just be the rock holding down the fort while she gets herself back to normal. When she is ready to deal with more, she will realize you have been there for her all along. Best of luck to you both. I hope it all works out.
Thi site has opened my eyes , I am feeling very deprssed I have my own buisness and work is very slow infact nearly none existan, I have been slowly getting worse, no self belief no drive feeling totally useless and a total waste of space. I feel that I am not even worth having about, and people would be better off if I wasnt around. The sleeping and hiding fron the world hoping the next day will bring the answer it doesnt. My wife has made an apointment with the doctor but I dont hold out that this will help, my family know how im feeling we have a grandchild who is nearly one and my daughter is know pregnant and moving closer to us , none of this seems to mean anything to me we own our own home but have little savings, I know our finatial situation has a lot to do with my depession, I cant see acway forward, getting older knoe 58 and no qualifications as such . Who wants a burnt òut handyman its sleeples nights and long days , a tiny glimpse of hope some afternoons for a very short time .
I think your family is right. See the doctor. Situational depression, due to a specific situation–in your case you are worried about finances– can be greatly improved with depression meds for a while. My daughter went through something similar.
Just remember, the situation won’t last forever and you can and will find a way to make things work. Life throws us curves. This is normal. Sometimes we have a hard time working through them and need a little help or boost. No shame in that. We all go through rough times.
Hope you get it sorted out soon and back to smiling, working and enjoying those grand babies!
Hello,
Like many of you here I have a similar story related to depression and relationships. I guess it has been nice to find a community that understands. I am 26 and I have been in a relationship lasting just under 8 years, but I am not married. I have a major health issue and walk with a limp. My youth was spent in and out of hospitals and moving to different towns. I have struggled with what I can only imagine is depression (I have never formally been diagnosed) due to this and my parents, who are split. In the past they have been verbally abusive (both).
I met my GF online where I knew her for 3 years in story telling forums before we met and began to date when we did. We were an instant pair, doing everything together and our infatuation lasted for a long time – over 2 years. We had arguments but rarely.
Life tends to throw challenges at you so due to financial troubles we lived with her family for a time while finishing college. This put a lot of strain on our relationship due to a rift between her parents and myself. This caused me a lot of stress and during this time I was defensive and became easily irritable or violent. This went on for 3 years because we did not see another valid option at the time.
We graduated from school and I quit my job to live with my mother for a month in another state. I couldn’t find steady work there and returned to my college state. We got an apartment and moved out of her parents house, which eased some tension, but some lingering blame remained and we would fight at times. We felt a need to remind ourselves that things were looking up.
At this point it has been another 3 years of living in an apartment and maintaining a status quo. I think maybe we are both depressed. We are both able to acknowledge and understand our own depression and shortcomings. We both can talk and express with each other honestly, even if we do not always agree. But we are generally isolated from others. We have work friends but not close friends. Our apartment is messy and neither of us feels energy to complete chores or plan events. We go out for dinner every now and then.
I think she is probably more “in love” with me than I am her, now. We make love often enough but at times it feels rehearsed to me.
I have never taken medication but through meditation and routine I have learned some inner peace and returned some self blame to self identity – but I am not healed.
Sometimes I do feel like I need a change or a fresh start. I know that having crushes on other people is natural, and though I’ve never cheated I have had brief moments where I feel the rush of passion for another and it reminds me of when we were young and I wish I could have that back.
I feel like we have talked and read books together and sought help and we agree but lack motivation or desire to fix ourselves for ourselves or each other. Can we grow any more together? How could I cultivate that desire? I can’t even find it within myself.
My story goes like this ….a beautiful relation of 6 years entering into 7th but tragedy struck me ..suffered from depression and dont know where it ia going..love him very much but not able to do justice…both of us being doctors…he understands ..staying in a long distanece…no boy in the whole world cud b as beautiful as him…has been supportive to me…has been there and asking me to get treatment….I dont know whether my life wud b same…in any relation theres no surity that we can be together for lifetime but at least till we can…but my illness spoiled everything…hoping for the day when things go normal..remebering all the worst days of my life..not remembering beautiful ones..I can truely understand what people with depression feel like…exactly a year back I told myself y do people even et depressed..sometimes time teaches us that there mit not b any reason as with me coz like any other illness it is too an illness….that needs to b treated like any other illnesses..coz it happened to me wen everything was on rit track wen I had graduated…so people lets raise an awareness regarding it,…its an illness can happento u , me any1 in our family friends…lets all come forward
Hi – I have been married 6 years and we have had a few normal ups and downs just like anyother marriage. Last year my husband lost his mother whom he was very very close to and that left him very upset. In a year we have moved to a new city for his work, bought a house and are well settled. Since 2-3 months my husband has been going into a shell, disinterested and bored, he still goes to work and goes out with his mates. However, he doesn’t want to be around anyone he is close to, his father or me. Now since the past 2 weeks he keeps telling me he wants a break and wants to be alone for sometime. He does not seem happy, doesn’t sleep or eat properly. We are living like strangers in the same house and don’t even sleep in the same bed. He doesn’t want me to be around him at all and keeps saying I want to be alone. He is obviously not happy being alone and doesn’t know what he wants. He did tell me he is going to a counsellor and had a few sessions but I am not sure and he won’t share anything further besides the counsellor asked him to take medication which he does not want.
I am just so confused by everything and don’t know if I should leave for 2-3 weeks and give him the break he wants or continue to live here and provide support, which really annoys him. I am just so confused because I want him to get better and don’t know if going away will help him or destroy him further?
Please help me understand the situation better and what should I do. I did ask him for a timeframe for the break but he just says I don’t know!
Hi I don’t really have any answers but I sympathize with you and I hope all is well. I don’t know what you decided to do but I wouldn’t take a break. I would ask him to keep going to therapy and say you understand if he needs time, and then hopefully you can start to talk more from there. From being depressed I have told my girlfriend to leave but I almost always changed my mind if she actually did because what I really wanted was to be understood.
I am a 43 year old woman living with a partner that has depression. We have lived together for 7 years. The hardest part is dealing with the lack of intimacy and communication. I have discovered within myself a power I would not have seen had I not learned about depression. I thank my partner for not meeting my needs because I was forced to see the beauty in myself. If we look at it with that perspective you can learn about yourself. I will leave and I will feel better knowing I did work on myself throughout our relationship and I will seek a partner better suited for me as I have become more mature with myself.
Hi John
I’ve Been reading through all the posts for the last week. Trying to find some answers….
My boyfriend of 3 years, we always said we didn’t need the marriage certificate, we were as committed as two people that were married, had a heart attack and Quadruple bypass surgery in October. During that time, I had to deal w the exwife because of his kids. I noticed things in the hospital, that he wasn’t treating me like he usually did. I got him home, took care of him the entire time, but he started hiding things, text messages and phone calls. He started being nasty to me, and I finally got him to get on some meds. The only thing I saw that the meds did was increase his appetite. He still slept 14 to 18 hours a day, he totally withdrew from me and became this man that I didn’t even know.
In February, we split up. I had kept telling him that he needed to get some more help, that I would do whatever I could, but it didn’t do any good. His mind has always been his worst enemy even before the depression. I found myself withdrawing from everything. I didn’t want to go home. It was like two strangers in a house. He had no problem telling his kids that he loved them, but he couldn’t tell me anymore. I still love him, and he says he loves me, but he can’t even talk to me on the phone or see me in person. He says it’s too hard because I am the one he hurt the most. We text a little, but I can’t get a response from him most of the time, especially if it has to do with emotions. He told me that he keeps seeing me standing outside the ambulance looking in at him. He did finally say that he would get w me so we could talk, but that he needed more time.
I just don’t understand why I became his stress…. Why I became the problem…
Hello,
I am sorry you are dealing with a tough situation. I have been on the same side as your partner and maybe can tell you how I felt if that would help. Men don’t deal with emotions too well. Heart surgery has a bad side effect of crash of our egos. We go so low that we want to cry and we hate ourselves for it. He probably is still dealing with his heart attack related issues and needs more time to heal internally and externally. Get counseling for him if you can.
Here is what I would wish for you:
Peace and calm demeanor around him. Don’t ask but offer, dont question but answer, dont seek but provide. In no time, you will see him drop his guard with you. Or I sure as hell hope so.
Happy times!!
Dear John,
I’ve been reading your posts for over a year now, maybe longer, though I have remained quiet. I visit when I feel I need to remind myself I am not alone. That I am not the cause of my husband’s pain. First, thank you so much for all that you do in this community. For speaking openly about mental illness, for sharing your personal stories, struggles and insights. For making me feel as though I am not alone. Or crazy. Thank you.
My husband struggles with Depression, and I feel that you reflect so much of what he has experienced and your relationship struggles mirror ours. The anhedonia (which no one talks about!), the blaming, the longing to escape, loss of feeling/love, and so much more. He even went through cancer as well, and like you, it also brought us closer than ever, though, it was only time before The Depression came back and took over our relationship.
Like you, he has also done a lot of inner work, and realizes now (for the most part) that his emptiness comes from the inside, and unlike the first couple years of our relationship, I am confident now he will never stray. However, there are times it feels as though The Depression tricks and persuades him again. He will think that it is our relationship that is wrong (our “lack of connection” etc.), and will convince himself that it isn’t the Depression talking -this- time, but that we’re just simply incompatible. He will eventually snap out of it, however, and apologize and tell me that he can’t see clearly when he’s in the thick of it. That he realizes he can’t possibly feel connected to anyone when he is so disconnected from himself and everything around him. That he “knows” it was the Depression distorting his reality, and that I need to “stop feeling so insecure about us and trust him.” And then just like that, I warmly console him and invite him back to me with open arms, and we’re back to us again. But, as you have mentioned here, it is so hurtful and damaging. Even though I am aware of what is happening in the moment, he is not. And if he is not aware, it doesn’t seem to matter what is really true. It doesn’t even matter when he comes around and realizes it was the Depression again, because I know it will only be a matter of time before it comes back to fool him. I am just simply so hurt and affected by his distorted perceptions. My self-esteem and insecurity about myself as well as my part in the relationship have been severely affected. I worry I am not enough, even though I probably over-function in order to make up for his lack of warmth and affection. I worry all of the time about how -he- is feeling…how he really sees and interprets us. Objectively, I know none of that matters. That it isn’t about me and most importantly, that I should be taking care of myself. But it is so hard to practice this day in and day out. I am still so hung up on the way I think he sees us rather than what is actually true. And I let it hurt me. I let it take me down toward Depression, too.
He is finally now looking for support, though, I am concerned he is hoping for a cure or magic solution that he will likely not find. Like you were, he is still looking toward external sources of remedies and is too overwhelmed to think there is no perfect cure.
In the mean time, I am reading many books and articles on the subject and continuously work to grow my differentiation and learn ways to self-soothe. But it is still so hard and so very painful.
I am just here to vent, I suppose. To finally speak. I am hurt and often feel hopeless, but I am grateful again for this community that you have created.
Hey Claire,
I can completely relate to what you are saying. My partner of ten years has always struggled with depression and a breakdown a few years ago has changed everything, and I feel as you do. I know his actions, his distance, his withdrawal is his illness but I miss him so much. I am working so hard on looking objectively at the causes and not taking it personally but its hard not to. And almost impossible to consider the rest of my life without his touch. I want to support him, be patient and loving, but I hurt so much and am desperate to have our connection back .Its a sad emotion. I would love for you to vent at me. It’s a lonely place but we aren’t alone, so many partners are going through this. Strength and positivity to you Claire .
Hi, my husband has been depressed for almost a year now and I’m afraid I’m falling into a depressed state myself. We have been married for 14 years and although he’s had things that troubled him in the past it has never manifested to the point of being depressed. He transitioned into a new job 2 years ago and as recently as November of 2015 has had to travel every other week for his job but he had already transitioned into depression prior to this. We thought at the time it would be best for him to leave since all we did was fight. I love him and we are committed to our 11 year old boys but I’m not sure this is enough. We have not sexual interactions in the last 8 months or so, he has withdrawn completely from all family activities and we are more like roommates than husband and wife. He’s seeing someone about his problems but they have not offered any medication which I think he desperately needs. I’m afraid that I’m losing him to this disease that he has expressed feeling of suicide. On his last visit home he went and got his ears pierced and a huge tattoo on his side that’s completely out of charcter. I think he did it to feel some sort of pain. I don’t know what to do!!!! I have expressed my support without being smothering, I love him but I’m so lost. I cry every chance I get. Please help me!! Do I pray, do I force him to go to the hospital? I don’t know what to do to help!!!
Great writing…helpful as the noonday demon had been wrestling with me for the last week…unable to do anything…but broke through this morning and booked a vacation to Hawaii…definitely helps lift the spirit…been a depressive since my teens (64 years old) but have pretty much kept depression manageable…long story, of course…your writing is very authentic about the struggle…thanks
Just started my journey on this site. I am not ill my partner is and as I start reading I thought I would simply write a thank you to everyone and ask for a bit of best wishes or something like this.
I have refused her illness for a couple of years at least but I had to do the reality check recently. I am sure that my will force and some material from the site will help both of us.
A big hug to everyone. Keep up the amazing work.
Hi, my fiancé fucked me off because he was/is depressed.
I can’t move on. He isn’t the same person.I can’t get back with him because he emotionally hurts me.
I can’t help him, because I am so angry at him for leaving me and destroying our future.We can’t move forward together and I am mortified. I know the only way to save him is to keep away, and yet he thinks I am avoiding him.