Lately, I’ve come across a number of questions online by plainly anguished people, asking: Why do I have no friends, no life? The first time I saw one this blunt, I reacted almost defensively, laughing as I recalled an old film in which a man hires a private detective to find out why he has no friends. Isn’t it obvious? But I knew so well how much the question implied. Lonely and depressed, I had often asked that same question, or at least felt the need to ask it.
I wrote an earlier post about the difference I experience between loneliness and depression. Loneliness is a sadness at the loss of close relationships. It drives me to reach out to people. Depression pushes me away from them. When I feel these two at the same time – as I can if the depression is not too severe – the tension of these opposing forces makes it all the harder to find the help I need.
Thinking back over many years of living with depression, I can quickly find many reasons why I had such trouble finding a friend to talk to when I most needed one. (I’ll set aside the much worse problem of not talking to my wife. I’ve said a lot about the reasons behind that, especially in this post.) Here are some of the problems from my experience. I can’t say how true they might be for others.
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Sometimes it wasn’t I who had an issue with reaching out but friends who had trouble opening themselves to listen. Many people refuse to talk about depression or other serious illnesses. I first found that out when I had cancer. It was stunning to me that a few people I had known quite well simply disappeared from my life. Though I never heard any explanation from them, my wife and I believed they couldn’t face the risk of emotional involvement and possible loss.
Depression adds another dimension. Many may feel helpless in the face of a friend’s pain and despairing mood. When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings. That’s a language they haven’t learned and never want to know.
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One habit of my own depressed thinking was to assume that everyone I met had the same negative and contemptuous view of me that I did of myself. I projected my own shame into their minds and then retreated before the dislike I was sure they felt. It’s so strange to imagine that this could have been such a common occurrence, but it was. I stopped myself from reaching out because I “knew” these friends wanted to have nothing to do with me.
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Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone – too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. I ruled out the possibility that anyone could break through the wall I’d put up around me. The result was that I went more deeply into despair. Eventually, the crisis passed, but it wasn’t the isolation that had helped me survive. That only increased the likelihood that I might push myself over the edge.
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When feeling more numb than despairing, I could often get out and talk to people, even at social gatherings. But I became very nervous at what I might say. It wasn’t uncommon for me to make an attempt at getting to know someone or to get into a personal issue with a friend. But the words I found myself speaking were not at all what I intended. They had an edge to them, putting a jab into each pleasantry, souring a compliment with a sarcastic tone, or pouring out so much so fast that I sounded impossibly egocentric and uninterested in anyone but myself. I acted like someone I would never want to know. Of course, people could tell at once that I had “issues” and walked the other way.
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So often, I had to mix with people when I wanted only to hide. I made it hard for anyone to find me, no matter how many people might be in the room or how prominent my role was supposed to be. Emotionally, I lost connection with what was happening and just watched it go by. I felt so small and tried to be invisible. If anyone asked me a question, I’d become tongue-tied, or, if I tried to say much, the words and thoughts came with painful slowness. It was impossible for anyone to talk to me.
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At other times, anxiety and fear could hold me back from talking freely. Taking part in conversation was hard because I had to double-think everything I wanted to say. There was a danger in the simple spontaneity of conversation among friends – a danger for me of any uncontrolled talking. I had to reflect to get the words just so, and then would miss the right moment as talk flowed on to something different. It’s hard to imagine now, but talking freely felt risky, as if an inner violence might escape my control.
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Apart from all this, there was the natural reaction anyone might have at suddenly hearing from me when I was in need of someone to talk to. Wrapped up in myself and in depression, as I was, my reaching out was an attempt to meet my own need in a one-sided way. Not only that, but my friends would not find me at all even if they wanted to listen and offer support. I wasn’t the same person because I was driven by the strange, isolating rules of depression. Even if I didn’t want to be hidden, I was nowhere to be found.
All this added up to a comprehensive strategy for remaining friendless. And that’s what it was – a series of my own actions to keep me isolated from the help that friends might offer and pull me out of the life I’d had with them. This hit me one day when I was the one who was asked to listen to a friend in the midst of a terrible depression.
I met him at a restaurant for lunch one day, and I could tell at once that he had changed in a way that made him hard to recognize. Of course, he looked and sounded the same, but there was nothing in his words or reactions that was like my friend. He was lost, partly in rage, partly in despair.
When I tried to tell him the deep sympathy I felt for what he was going through, that only made him angry. More than that, I felt a deep rage boiling inside him as his eyes stared through me with steel intensity.
It was especially hard to see him this way since I knew I was looking at myself.
What has your experience been in trying to reach out to friends when deeply troubled?
Image: Some Rights Reserved by Ashley_Rose at Flickr
I’m 33 years old.. still living with my mother, and now her husband. I work part time and I’m trying my best to get through college so that.. hopefully, I will be able to find a decent paying job and move out on my own. I have.. literally no friends. I used to count my mother as my friend, but a few months ago she met her old high school sweet heart and they got married. Now he lives here, and I’m the outsider in what, for 11 years, was my home. I do suffer from depression, anxiety and ADHD. I’m not physically fit, and I don’t think I’m really all that pretty aside from that. I can socialize enough to keep a job, but apparently making friends is outside of my abilities. People at work are generally pleasant enough to me, but I’m never asked to go out after work, or to be friends on Facebook, or anything of the sort. I was bullied all through school, and typically only had one or two friends at a time.
My younger sister is married and has two boys.. she moved out when she was 19. She wasn’t prepared for moving out at all, so mom financially supported her almost completely for years. But she was allowed to get away with it, because she had children. Mom has said many times that she would never do anything to alienate her youngest daughter because she wants to see her grandchildren. Nevermind that I went into debt trying to help her when she was supporting my sister.
I stayed to help, and I stayed because I was told I should. She always encouraged me to stay, said that it would be silly for us to both live alone. We got along really well, and I felt like I could start getting things back on track. That I could work and pay off my debt, and eventually go to school.
And then she met this guy again. Suddenly, I’m a burden. She tells me I need to go be put on pills, I need to just do whatever they want so that we can co-exist. We had a fight and they both were yelling all kinds of horrible insults at me. They kicked me out of the house, and then got guilty enough to allow me back. That never would have happened before. Never. I don’t feel like this is my home anymore. I’m an unwelcome pest, and the only reason they don’t kick me out is they would feel guilty when I died on the streets.
I haven’t had a boyfriend in 10 years. I joke and say I don’t want one if the subject comes up, but it’s not true. I hate being alone. But no one wants to date an overweight woman still living with her mother past age 30. Add to that the fact that I’m asexual, and my chances of finding someone to love are almost none. I’ve basically given up on that dream, but it still really blows to be the only one at gatherings that doesn’t have a plus one.
Everyone always wants to say, it’ll get better. You’re working on it, it’ll get better. But past experience tells me it probably won’t. At best, it’ll stay relatively the same. Maybe I move out. Maybe I have a better job and a little more money. But I’m still alone.
Hey, i feel like that’s exactly where my life is going lol. Except I’ve never had a girlfriend. Smh, I feel you though and I got your back. You can do this :c It’s okay to feel alone. You can only be where you are right now.
I’ve been through all these so called analysis of my way of being. I’m jovial the life of the party people relate to me tell me their problems.Yet, none relates to me.When in groups I’m cut short of conversations no one wants to listen to my opinion about any topic. I know something is wrong about me for I’ve tried in diverse situations and it’s always the same so I live in my world and then I’ve noticed I’m asked a question when I answer short and brief then people listen.My wife rolls her eyes when I speak in public.I myself have treated from the world I am not depressed don’t have PTSD I was in Nam but I’m not agresive nor do I suffer nervousness. I’m a realist and see its better to distance oneself f Tom a world of people that a only think of themselves. Nobody wants to hear your troubles everyone has theirs.My physiologist and therapist I’ve manipulated with lies and have believed my shit.Why? Because I’m tired of me giving the answer to my problems and they say nothing.I know what people like to hear they open up to me.Yet, none really listens so I lie tell them what they like . It’s better to live your own life and reject the world around you.Live your life be one with yourself besides the world cares for itself s no time for superfluous people or gossip.Be like a rock it feels no pain be like and island it never cries.
Reading this website, it is actually reassuring that I am not alone in my personal suffering, but also that my heart goes out to those that are suffering.
My story is as thus. Up until I was around 11 years old, things were fine and I had a good deal of friends and I was a popular person and then I decided to go to an all boys college. That is when the trouble started.
Since the first day, I was never accepted as a person and for the next best part of five years, I mingled only with a select group of people and even though they too were guilty of being cruel toward me, I found them to be more tolerable than others who engaged in such a cruel activity.
I was relieved to go but annoyed I didn’t speak up about the bullying. If I had, who knows if things may have been different, but I tolerated it and I deserved so much more than what I got from college for having to cope with that and the guilty parties aren’t going to look back and have any regret about what they did, more than likely.
The subsequent college was a little better and I managed to make some friends but again, I never really became part of any close friendships and I moved onto another college.
I made friends with a really great guy and he too had issues which were very demanding at times but all in all, was definitely my type of person and I am annoyed this friendship came to an end as this could have been fruitful in the future but people go their separate ways after time. However, I do think about him a lot and hope he is okay as I still see him as being one of a kind and my ideal type of friend.
Then, I took on a role at a local computer company as a student and made a few friends there, some of who I am still friends with to this day but even then (I could be wrong), I feel those friendships are kind of fizzling out but I’m not one to give up easily and try my best to keep them going. I’m not sure about their own social lives friend-wise, but I don’t think its much different to mine and we normally meet up and go to the cinema – we don’t tend to go out any more, like we used to, which is a shame, but the friendship, whilst respectful, is perhaps not quite as strong as it once was but that might be due to me and my issues with depression which have definitely changed me as a person.
When I got a job, I didn’t really have any issues with bullying until much later on and that became intolerable but it wasn’t just me who was being attacked. It was my colleagues as well and it was a nightmare. Eventually, my line manager, who was a bully, left and two of my colleagues didn’t improve their attitude when I was on sick. I returned to work but their attitude was very poor. All this was also during an investigation where I was falsely accused of doing something I didn’t and even in the end, the deciding panel said that what was done, supposedly on my part, was not a bad thing, which infuriated me even more.
Nevertheless, its been a rocky ride and I’ve thankfully resigned from my last job and I have no regrets as it was having a negative impact on my mental health but I have found friendships or relationships of any matter hard to come by and I can not hold down a friendship indefinitely and the same would probably be said of a relationship, should I ever get into one, which, truth be told, is unlikely. I have also suffered abuse from the fact I am a virgin and get notable abuse occasionally on public forums where I participate in a game I enjoy and seem to have an unwarranted reputation. All in all, its been pretty horrific and I’ve done nothing to warrant this attitude toward me.
I’m not ashamed for being a different person and no matter how much it might hurt, I’ve decided that if people can’t accept me for being me, I no longer care because me being me, I know I am a good person with a good heart and nothing else matters. Any other so called failure is irrelevant. I decided you are better than any person who can willingly inflict pain upon you, whatever the reason might be, which is why I can hold my head up high but nevertheless, I do suffer from depression and it kills me to know that my life is currently going through a difficult patch.
I never told anyone about my suffering as I feel it is something that is personal to me.
I would appreciate any comments on this to see what your views are and anyone who is in pain right now, my heart goes out to you and if you want to talk any time, just let me know.
So here’s the thing I’m a 30 year woman for 3 months maybe longer I have been depressed I lost my best friend yesterday…. sucks but anywhos I’m hear to say I can relate to almost every one here. But I refuse to continue down this road so I’m writing this hoping it helps someone. Therapy step one…..
Affirmations every day, step two
Yoga just to start you off before doing heavy excersing, step three
Building your dopamine levels….. dark chocolate, green tea etc……there’s alot of ways, step four
Go outside at least for 20 mins
All these things are heard trust me, Im there, I’m not saying this will cure you right away but I am saying it is a great start to not giving up on yourself and knowing that you will find another friend one day, but for now let’s fix you.
I’m convincing myself of these things because yes it hurt to lose the only friend I had but I have to look forward and so does everyone else here. And last but not least yes I’m going to say it…….Pray every day for strength. Be strong. Love and peace
I am so happy I found this site. Its good to hear that there are people out there who have the same problems as me. I am 17 years old female and I find it so hard to talk to other people about my problems. I get depressed from not having any friends. my parents don’t even understand how I feel. when I go to school people look at me and laugh. I feel lonely and scared and I always lock myself in my room. Sometimes I miss class for weeks.
Don’t feel so bad nia…I was bullied and laughed at all the way up to high school to and mostly by boys….had a fight every time said something bad about me and honestly I think they were intimidated by me…but because of this I have grown to have thick skin and take wat they say and turn it to positive energy..by 12th grade I became one of the most popular student because I was smart and took no nonsense and even my looks had changed….don’t give up nia there is someone out there just like u that will grow with u and love to be ur friend
I am a 49 y/o mom of 2 grown children. I live with my husband who works third shift and I dont work. I have suffered with depression since I was 25 y/o. For the last 9 years my depression has been consistant daily. I have no friends and my kids live far away. Even when they want to talk to me I dont feel like talking due to my depression. How is it that I want friends but I dont want to talk to them. Some times I will go 3 or 4 days without speaking a word out loud bc there is no one to talk to. I havent honestly laughed in many many years but I can fake it when I have to.
On days when I wake up and have a nice conversation with some one, (Only on the phone) the rest of my day is pretty good but most of the time I have no one to talk to. I feel like I am not good enough to have friends or why would anyone want to be friends with someone like me.
I have read so many comments that are like me. In a way it feels good to know i am not alone but disheartening to know there is so many of us out there. I feel I will always be a depressed person and an unhappy friendless person
I am 49 too. And people think I live a full and happy life. I am so sad and so alone. My boys are 13 and 14 and are the only people I speak to. And they spend the weekends with their father. I have read books on making friends – and I find that I do everything that the books tell you to do, and still I have no true friends. I miss people. I miss that feeling of laughing with another person – the understanding that they have. Sometimes I think that staying on the earth is just too hard – but then I remember my children and that I must smile and go through it for them. I feel the same. I will never have a friend. A true friend. A person who will laugh with me and who understands me and who I will understand. I am so tired of trying. So tired of putting my best face on. People see what they want to see, and they see a happy, beautiful woman. They do not know that I come home to an empty home with an empty heart. I feel your pain. I understand because reading your comment was like reading my mind.
Hi Christie, I am 51 and a single mother of a 17 yr old boy and 15 yr old girl. I so can relate to your comment….more than ever. Please let me know if you would like to talk. You took the words right out of my mouth.
The world is in love today. I am alone. I am a 53 year old woman. My husband divorced me. He didn’t understand Depression. I have 2 grown children. One won’t speak to me or let me see my grandchildren because I cry too much. My other grown child will engage in “positive” conversations occasionally.
I have spent my life taking care of everyone else. Now that I am in need, I find that I am not worth their time.
I am taking medication and seeing a therapist. I wish I had some one to talk to who truly cared. My only conversations are with people being paid to be nice and speak with me.
My area does not have a support group. I could be a great friend if some one would give me a chance.
Tina, I understand what you have said here, and many of my feelings match up with yours. It’s so hard to find that to your children, you are “not worth their time.” I never expected this.
Support groups here are rare too. We need to meet with/talk with other depressives regularly! that is what I know. We’re not bad people, with bad characters like some would have us think.
I spend time during the few conversations with my grown children trying to edit what I express.
Too upbeat, and hey there’s nothing wrong with you. Too real about the agony, and like one of your children, one of mine wants only positivity or nothing. Clinical depression is the worst thing ever, you can’t win in relationships, most become shallow or disappear, and the loneliness and isolation are crushing. I’m in a humdinger of an episode right now, and even people who care, like people from spiritual communities, don’t really care or want to be bothered or have their own precarious happiness threatened. At age 63, I find many days excruciating in ways that are far worse than the lifetime of depression I have coped with up until now. I wonder how I got to this lonely place, when I used to make friends so easily and feel unconditional love from my kids.
Well, I don’t wonder: it’s depression worsened by not enough money and the isolation that that fact alone causes. I just found this site today and don’t know how things work, but for now, thanks for sharing, and maybe we can talk some more.
Anne, Tina, Christie and April,
I’m sorry for what you are going through. I too suffer with depression. I’m a mom and I’m also a daughter who has had a difficult time recently with my own mother. Because of some things my mom has said to me that I’ve found really unfair and hurtful I’ve stopped communicating with her very much lately. I just want to say that what all of you have written about how hard it is to grow older and not connect in certain ways with your children has made me reach out to my mom. Thank you for sharing your stories and your pain because you have helped me to realize that I need to keep reaching out to my mom because it could be that she is suffering from depression too.
I hope you all find that the clouds part soon and you can feel the warm sun on your face. You all deserve love and friendship and I believe it is out there for you. Maybe try something new; like volunteering for an organization near you (an animal shelter, meals on wheels or a retirement center or daycare.) You have helped me and possibly also my mom and I hope that you will all find help for your own depression very soon. Again, thank you for sharing your stories.
Thanks for the good wishes Andy. I’m working on reaching out more in general, even when I don’t want to. Depression is so tricky and unpredictable, it’s hard to make plans.
It’s true that others may be suffering too, they just don’t talk about it.
Anne, Thank you for sharing with me. it is comforting to know that some one understands what I am going through. With that understanding sadly, is the reality that you experience the same suffering as well.
My daughter invited me over to her house. I was able to play with my grandchildren. It felt a little strained, but I am so thankful she changed her mind and reached out to me. I am trying to push myself to do something positive each day. I don’t want to be a burden to anybody. A little compassion goes a long way. I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Take care my friend.
Tina
I have been through depression too it ruined my last relationship and I feel awful about it. If you wish to correspond I am willing to listen and see if I can help
cheers
H
Thanks Henry.
I’m realizing just how many relationships have been ruined over my lifetime.
Usually, I think I just “ghosted” people, I feel bad about all the people who’s feelings I have hurt by disappearing. It has to do with liking to move around a lot and experience different people and places, but some of it was definitely a kind of trying to keep interested in life and my goals as an artist while in and out of depression and anxiety by a kind of maybe-the-grass-is-greener somewhere else. Hard to explain. Thoughts?
My first serious ex gf is just the same though she cheated and married a few times, even leaving her kids for others guys until the last 10 years where she seems to be settling down,She has battled cancer a few times and though I never ever wish that on anybody the word ‘Karma’ comes to mind more than once. O hope you find someone decent to settle with,the grass is greener thinking is not always accurate and never lasts .
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all had a bubble over our heads that says “Please be my friend”?
I’m just so sick of being alone. I’m a 21 year old physically able female who hasn’t left the couch in months. It seems like there are always so many people on the internet in the same situation, but I’ve never seen a person as isolated as me in real life. And trust me, I look for them.
I’d really like a friend, and I’d like to find someone who would also really like a friend.
I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I’ve been this way since I divorced. It’s been 3 years and I’ve been waiting to snap out of it but I still have no friends and I hardly ever leave home. I’m a 37 yo male and I’m withering away.
I going through the same sick cicle I just don’t have the energy.
Hello K
Feel free to send me an email.
I’m also 21 and I would be happy to talk to you 🙂
Im a 14 year old girl i get bullied by my friends i have no life i have never been anywhere im looking a dirtbike to have a little fun but apparently i cant have one because my mum dont love me my granda is dying im just soo depressed someone help me all my friends have lived a life and if i ever get a boyfriend im moving to america with him i have tried suicide manys of time but i dont have the balls to do it
Your too young to feel that way, and I will lie to you if I tell you it will get better cause most cases it doesn’t, but at least being young gives you an advantage to change things in your life and one day grow out of it…
Kerri, get a Counselor – you need professional help – start by confiding in an adult you can trust – from there, they can help you get the Counseling you need
While it is true that depression, especially significant depression such as that which you describe, does not typically just disappear on its own, it was remiss of “Eddie” not to suggest finding help
That being said, it can sometimes be a challenge to find the right fit in a Counselor but it can be done, just believe in yourself, ask lots of questions to make sure you find the right fit (interview your Counselor – they work for you to help you overcome your issues – any good Counselor tell you same in how to find a good fit)
I have struggled with depression for most of my life – I am now a 40 y/o mom of 7 – whatever path you choose, with adulthood comes responsibilities and with responsibilities comes stress – these things complicate depression – getting help now will get you to a stable, confident place to help you accept the challenge of adulthood
As a mom of a daughter your age, it breaks my heart to read of your troubles and how you feel – between the rush of hormones and social drama, it’s such a tough age for girls – please get help – you are so worth the effort – please be brave and ask for help – you have no idea of the joys and potential the future can bring if you get help now – you are also too young to realize that what seems like the worst thing ever or the end of the world really isn’t – my grandmother once said “Everything comes in time, everything passes in time” – it’s only now that I understand how true her words are
Take care, Kerri – I wish you the best of luck in your journey and with your plans to relocate to the US – just know that no matter where you go, your mental health issues won’t go away until you get treatment – that’s why it’s best you get treatment young so you are ready to follow your dreams in a few short years when you reach adulthood
(((Hugs)))
This one really hit home with me – suicide quite simply is not an option. It also angers me that people say you need help when you are going through a bad patch yet most of the time, you haven’t done anything wrong. Its other people. You’re all expected to be confident and all the same, well the truth is we’re not all the same and its always the good people who suffer as a result.
I felt suicidal when I was going through a workplace investigation a while back and I will never forgive the workplace or the complainant for putting me through that and what is more, I did nothing wrong either.
Nowadays, when I look for someone to be my friend or mingle with others, I just find people can’t stand me or I am the subject of ridicule and I try not to be negative but I find it puts other people off. Now I just think I am going to be who I am. If you don’t like it, to hell with it. You deserve a boyfriend and I hope you have a happy, fulfilling life because you deserve it.
Kerri,
I’m in my 30’s and I can tell you that 14 is a really, really hard age to be a girl. I remember feeling bullied and mocked…even by my friends. I can tell you I went through some tough times. I sometimes still suffer from periods of depression, but it is A LOT better than when I was 14. Please, please know that you are at a really tough age right now and things most likely WILL get better. I completely disagrees with someone who says it won’t get better. At least for me and all most of my friends 14 was the toughest age. It sounds like you are going through some tough things, with your grandma dying, and you really should consider seeing if you can talk to a counselor (maybe at school.) A counselor is not a friend, but it really can help to get you through the tough times. Please don’t give up at 14! I’m so glad I didn’t! Good luck Kerri!
I am also a friendless 21 year old female, I have 2 daughters and I’m pregnant with my third. Singleof course, but even when I wasn’t single I was still very much alone, abusive relationship it was.
Id just like someone to talk to, even if it’s not about my thoughts and mental state. Just someone to talk about how my day went, even if all I did was also sit on the lounge all day.
I found myself looking at a website last night, kinda like a dating site but for people that wanna make friends. Its literally called makingfriends.com, I couldn’t do it, it made me feel pathetic. I balled my eyes out, Im 21, what 21 year old doesn’t have friends? Am I really that f*cked up? Am I past the point of no return?…
After that I googled ‘depressed with no friends’ and found this website… and after reading the whole post I came across your comment and I didn’t feel so alone… (:
I know how you feel. Not only don’t I have any friends but haven’t talked or seeing any of my family members for over a year. I’m a single father and I look at my 6 year old as my friend at home, but conversations about SpongeBob or the ninja turtles are not helping…
No ur not messed up..u just lost touch with the people who were ur friends wen u had kids…before my kids also my friends always want me to go out for drinks party and come visit them…as soon as I had kids none of my friends ever come visit me but they want me to come out my way to visit them..its not fair…finds friends who willing to travel to come see u and vice versa and a friend who doesn’t just hit u up to club….I’m 25 I know wat u mean
Yep, definitely know this feeling.
I’ve just moved to a new town and recently had a falling out with the only friends I had from back in school.
So now I’m 21 and alone and looking for friends also. Would love someone to talk to and be there for me.
I just feel socially retarded and don’t know how to make friends.
I am looking into getting some counselling and am already on antidepressants.
Please if anyone wants a friend to talk to I’m willing to make online friends.
I know how u feel….im 20 and going through a lot and also need a friend 🙁
I don’t even have any friends to reach out to. Then I need to make friends?? How do I possibly do this with major depression?
I do not know why it is so hard for any outpatient mental health facility to have group meetings in the evenings when people can attend to meet other people who are depressed who need a friend and talk about the things they are suffering with, instead you have to meet some flaky psychologist who led a sheltered life who gives out motivational tips who hopefully will not intentionally or inadvertently writes lies about your statements or condition. The mental health system seems to be about documenting and profiling people not helping them overcome mental distress.
I hear you Kevin. I’d love to have even just one good friend, I have major depressive disorder and PTSD and over the years between silly Dr’s (several who changed AD’s on me every week and I felt insane) and just bad experiences with people, I’m just existing, I stay with my dog.
I’ve been advised to get out and about and meet people…how? and when you are just so down it hurts, believe me I’ve fought and fought this depression but I just crumble with life. I know I’m strong but then I’m so weak too if that makes any sense.
Some days I just want to run up to the mountains and live alone for ever then another day I yearn for company.
Not to go on but I’m so, so deeply hurt by the people who should have been here for me, not talking money wise (one sibling stole money from me) just be there and to feel loved which I don’t.
It seems I’ve always cared and been there for others but they haven’t for me.
I’ve had to cut off family as they hurt me, and each other, and I don’t and cannot play games. I’m so alone.
just want you all to know I totally understand.xx
Thankyou for sharing your experience in this descriptive article. I can relate alot. I’m an 19 year old girl currently in my senior year of high school. As I say this, the countless remarks ive gotten since the past 5 years keep coming back in my mind. I never really wanted a large social circle but I had one which mostly consisted of people who called me their friend because i helped them out deal with their problems. I love helping people. I love bringing back hope and life into people. But since a few years, ive failed to do that with myself. Since I had a large social group, and was friends with people who were quite well known around the city , a lot of people bullied me and gave me a hard time. Saying I was a really bad influence and theyd actually ask the people i used to call my friends to stay away from me. They’d call me a ‘slut’ (sorry if this word is too inappropriate to use here) just because I talked to alot of guys too, merely because I just wanted to help them out. And while helping out people I lost myself. Nobody, would be there to talk to me when I wanted to talk. Theyd just come to me if they were alone and if theyd see another friend coming in the distance, theyd get up and run to them. It effected me alot and my downfall began. Mentally, I was too distracted and never focused on my studies. Another reason is because whatever I wanted to do in life my parents never supported me. Id say I wanted to be a pro at soccer, theyd say no and wouldnt let me go to practise. Id say I wanted to be a mechanical engineer and work on cars but they said no. I said I wanted to volunteer for social work they told me im being ‘dumb’ and not focusing on reality. Im not going to over exaggerate when I say that everybody around me thinks I’m a very weak person who is too naive and dumb. On top of everything I’ve had a weak immune system since I was born and that just adds up to me being emotionally and physically weak to concentrate on my goals. Everybody asks me why I look so ‘tired’ or ‘depressed’ all the time but they ask it in a way as if theyre annoyed of my getup. As if im staging this whole thing. I want to go out to study in America but since my parents cant afford it and I havent been too good in my studies to get a scholarship, that dream died. Because of all this Ive got this sudden urge since an year to block off every contact with every person i know. I deleted all my social media accounts. I was about to turn off my phone too but since thats important, I have to forcefully keep it on. Despite me being a person who tries to explain myself to another person, like actually try to clear out problems, nobody seems to care and just keep on being whoever they are not effected by my words one bit. And at the end of the day, I know its not anybody elses fault except mine because I let this all happen to me.
Hello. I just put up a Christmas tree and have no idea why. Don’t know how it turned out pretty since my heart really wasn’t in it. Will anyone even see it? I feel like I can relate to everyone who has posted here in some way. Never been married. Relationships a plenty gone bad. No kids. 46 years old and stuck in a dead end job. My father is deceased. Relationship with my mother is strained. I don’t think I learned good social skills. My mother is bitter and passive aggressive. I have few friends. I am lucky in that I do have a good family though occasionally, I feel like it is a burden for them to have to interact with me. They love me but don’t necessarily enjoy my company. I’m rarely invited to anything. People don’t remember my name or having met me. I’m easily forgettable. Seems a lot of people avoid me because I’m just so dull and boring OR angry OR whatever else it is about me that they don’t like. I work with egomaniacs. If you don’t tell them how great they are, don’t worry, they will tell you. They don’t care to know anything about my life unless there is unfortunate dirt to be had, exa. the cause of the breakup of my last relationship. I cannot brown nose and don’t hide it well when people annoy me. Thus, I am not one of the office favorites. I dread work functions like the upcoming Christmas party and all of the snobbery and boasting I’ll have to endure. I mean, really, its a party people. Let your hair down and leave your friend, Pretentious, at the door. To simply not go is not an option because I am expected to be there as an audience. How anti-social of me if I don’t show up for that purpose. I will sit and listen to how little Biff just graduated from X University, landed an amazing job and is taking a trip to numerous countries. I will listen and be reminded of how I wasn’t privileged and what a broke, undereducated loser I am. Then the name dropping will start and I will sit there bored out of my mind. And then there’s the narcissistic bullying boss who is always screwing me out of money any way possible and taking credit for the work I’ve done and my ideas. She will show up late, make her grand entry and at some point announce that I need to remind her to address such and such tomorrow. The last thing I need right now is to be unemployed. Any resistance to her never ending con game and I could easily be a goner. So I tolerate her to the best of my ability and put on a nice face. Jobs really are not plentiful where I live but I’m applying to the ones that are.
My life has been a total trainwreck of abuse and mishaps. I was bullied. Had to live in the same house with an aweful step-father. With adulthood came abusive men. I have had too many illnesses, injuries and surgeries to list. All of that has taken a toll. I no longer have any patience. It seems there are no rewards, only further bad luck and monotony. I’m struggling financially. I’ve all but given up hope of ever meeting a stable man and getting married. I just work and come home to more work and that’s about it. Get by, paycheck to paycheck. I realize I’m lucky compared to some who have no job right now. To those of you who don’t, I pray you find something that makes you happy. I’ve been unemployed before and understand that too. Aside from the financial aspect, I don’t have friends who want to just hang out, go walking or anything that doesn’t require money to enjoy. Most women my age are married, have children, etc. They’re busy. Those who are divorced or single are hermits, too busy too, or have gone completely off the deep end, running the bars, trying to look 20 but really looking kind of sad and pathetic. But who am I to say that when I’m sad and pathetic myself. Its as if life has come to a grinding halt. I no longer aspire to anything. I’ve lost interest in hobbies. Things I used to find enjoyable, I no longer do.
If I were more likeable, but how? I am who I am, right?. I try to be friendly and upbeat (not so much so tonight) and I’m always there to help someone if they need it. Still, I’m left out and on my own. People say I’m a good person. They say they are my friends but they don’t spend time with me. Some look bored when I start to talk. I’m invisible. I’m the strongest person I know but depressed and lonely.
As I read your comments, I find myself wanting to reach out to you. People who have not been through what many of us have, cannot relate. Some of us have become hardened souls. We are wounded. We are deep. We are uncomfortable to some. And yes, we are depressed. Whoever you are, I am here for you. Reply if you need to talk. Praying for you all.
Thank you for telling your story and taking the time to make people aware that there are people like us that want to listen and help the ones seeking answers. I myself deal with mental Health issues and have told my story to many through out the years trying to educate the ones that take the time to hear our voice.
Here is my story…A Wishing Well
It’s been a little over 25 years since Federal politicians vowed to end poverty and it was Ed Broadbent, then leader of the federal New Democratic Party who put forward the motion back in 1989. Today, the 78-year-old says “it’s unlikely he’ll see the end of poverty within his lifetime” and this scares me that perhaps there will be no change to my world.
“There’s no question we failed”, but I am going to help change that Ideology that we can’t change poverty because I know that we can.
My story which many of you are aware of knows that my family lives and have lived most of our life in poverty. Sure I once had a little cash here and there to move a little forward in life but life always seems to push me back a step or two.
A wealthy nation like Canada with abundance natural resources can’t seem to put an end to poverty and we all just continue looking at our phones seeing who is posting silly nonsense stuff on social media. Right now Social media is learning that it’s not just there for just posting pictures of what you had for supper, (guilty for I’ve done this as well )but it’s also a place to voice your discontent with the world and make it a better place. We now shame people for hurting animals and people getting fired like “Justine Sacco”, she’s the public relations executive who tweeted, “Going to Africa” Hope I don’t get AIDS, Just kidding. I’m white!” Thanks to public shaming, she lost her job and was left wandering in the wilderness. Is it justice, no I say but when people act like this our values begin to change and we begin to find a way to help change the way they behave. We now can show the world that we do notice what people are doing online and when I see people joining in to stop the injustice done to some people I start believing that perhaps social media can work to solve the injustice done to some including what happened to my family.
If we the poor stop feeling ashamed for not accomplishing what you all have done in your life and begin telling you our story on why we haven’t mastered the art of dreaming like you have all done, perhaps change can be in the cards for us poor in the near future.
You all once dreamed of having a good education, owning a house, a car, vacations, investing in retirement and so on but our dreams have been squashed many years ago. The only reason poverty exists in a rich country like ours is because of GREED. We must use social media to begin the process of changing the way profit is distributed among the people that have so much, it’s not like there isn’t enough to go around.
Poverty drains billions of dollars from the Canadian economy in lost productivity and costs associated with expanded health care, criminal justice and social services. Women fleeing violence, Immigrants, LGBTQ people and youth face discrimination and barriers to renting and with no affordable housing most people end up with slumlord as landlords. The food banks themselves, are having to cutback due to dwindling donations while food bank increases in numbers every month.
I am not ashamed anymore since we all know and talk of my situation mostly in silence and I could have written this anonymously, so my Facebook friends and family would never know how miser my life was. But No, I ‘m not ashamed of the truth and I will be talking about it from now on. I even started writing a simple worded book that will be publish online by me on “Get hermit .com” in the distant future.
So now for my story and what it is like to have lived in poverty all my life and the feeling of giving up on everything as Weird thoughts began entering my mind on occasion.
Yes I live in poverty, yes I am poor and yes my family is also poor.
Some People say “, be grateful for what you have” or “how well we do considering you live in poverty” compare to others. Really, I’ve had this old stuff for years and I understand that you are all uncomfortable for my situation as you look for something nice to say about us and I’m not offended and understand your dilemma
This is why I usually hate talking around family about my poverty because it causes this uncomfortable feeling for them and myself, but every once and awhile it just comes out. I ramble on trying to explain our situation and as I catch myself I then stop, for I see your awkward faces looking back at me. I then later punish myself for divulging such personal information, so forgive me for my weakness for sharing such an earful on such a personal matter that makes us all uneasy. Also please don’t compare a past situation you once had many years ago of that summer you once had to live in poverty as my poverty has been a lifetime which has severe damaging affect to ones soul. Sure I will listen to you because this is who I am, a compassionate loving human being willing to not offend anyone. So with that said I would like you to see “how well we do considering we live in poverty”
I don’t waste money, no yearly vacations, no savings, basic food, a treat once and awhile at McDonald’s that cost us just a little over $5.00 for 2 Cheese Burgers and a small fry and let’s not forget the water we brought from home.
Our bed is second hand and our dressers are over 30 years old and received it from someone passing away many years back, God Bless her soul. I don’t own a fridge, stove, washer, dryer and thank god my apartment came with those items. My computer is a pass me down which started from my older brother, then given to my mom then on to me since it sat there for a couple of years not being used. I bought 3 second hand car’s in life, one was $500.00 another was $1000.00 and my recent one that I had to scrap 2 years ago right before Christmas cost me the most $3000.00, but put me in a situation of severe poverty just to own it for 2 years. So it was a blessing in a way for it to have broken down one more time because maintenance was becoming my mortal enemy month after month.
Sometimes I feel that when I speak of our situation it makes me feel like I’m looking for a handout and that is why I stopped this action of others giving us money and gifts throughout the year. This way I can voice my opinion without me having the guilt of what others may be thinking what my agenda is. I complain to make you all aware of the problem and want help to fight back and solve this generational poverty lifestyle we are stuck in.
I should not be judged for why I’m poor and online some comments from strangers have had different opinions on why I live in poverty. Things like “I should pray more so god will bless me with a better life” and let’s not forget ” I should have paid more attention in school”, “stop being lazy”,” your worthless and a strain on society”. After awhile we begin to think we are all of this and then my depression starts all over again month after month “I deserve the shame I feel”, I tell myself as tears roll down my cheek as they are doing now.
How can I allow people to turn me into a person that hates others when I have so much compassion towards the whole world that those comments after awhile starts taking a toll on my values and any hope of change for my family. It’s bad enough I spent a majority of my life thinking I’m a failure without others telling me this everyday online when trying to make my story heard. I’m angry my child is living through this and I’m angry at those politicians do nothing while millions suffer every day. I’m angry at a society that views me as a loser, humanity’s disgrace of a human being. The toll this has on me having to live in poverty just makes my mental health problems so much worse.
My jealousy for what you all have is a normal thing, and all of society does this no matter how well off some of you are. So please don’t think when I say I’m jealous for what you have is a statement on behalf of me judging you for having some wealth, for that is not my intent.
Yes I’m jealous, some have a social life and able to meet with friends and have a drink then see a movie, but even if I did have the money to do so I couldn’t for I have a Social Phobia problem that makes me unable to actually even have friends to go out with. So yes I am sort of friendless the last decade or so, I know people that walk by and wave and say a hello but that’s as far I can allow people in my personal life that was ashamed of.
Yes I’m jealous that you have a car, nice toys, holidays and honeymoon memories since next year will be our 25th anniversary and still hopping to have our first honeymoon that we could not afford back when we first have said our vows. I’m even jealous that gas prices are so low now and perhaps I might be able to afford driving once again but then Insurance sky rocketed to a point that spending almost 100.00 a month became unjustified to my budgetary need to just survive in today’s world.
I’m am very grateful though for so much in life like having my Wife and child support me all these years, I Thank You. My simple minded parents that raised me and loved me and taught me right from wrong, I Thank You and let’s not forget my brothers and sister for trying their best to understand my pain, I Thank You. I am grateful, for society has taught me that there’s so much hate towards me and the poor that its now became my passion to change this, so thank you to all that tried shaming me online for it made me a stronger person today.
The one thing I changed recently is I stopped hating people and finally managed to find the true me and begin once again to see the good in people no matter who they are. I now understand that the people trying to hurt us online only hate us because of the pain they must carry in life. I understand your pain and I forgive you and I l want to help you even though you may hate me so much, so Thank you for helping me change and become a better person today.
Our future is uncertain and I never know what is on the horizon but I will stay strong and live my days fighting and teaching society what a life of poverty does to an understanding, compassionate soul like mine. With all that said I want to remind you all that I‘m not looking for pity or a handout for I’ve come across many sites with similar stories like mine but have added a pay pall account looking for donations.
A couple of years ago I asked my family and friends to please stop with the gift giving because it just damages my pride and dignity and rips away at my insides, so I refused handouts because I couldn’t participate in the giving. I know it sounds unfair but this is my mental health and this is my way to start healing. I want to keep thinking positive and as long as I keep telling “My Story” I believe that each person like you can grow from the simple words I have expressed to you.
My point is that everyone has a story to tell and this is mine, so let’s not be silent anymore because I have noticed a lot of compassion from the silenced ones reaching out across the ocean and helping those many in need. Please use that energy now and focus on the problem in your own back yard and listen to what I had to say.
If you don’t know how help my cause just share this post and make more people aware that change comes from people talking. Changing my life will not happen with your generosity of gifts and cash, perhaps it masks the moment but when tomorrow comes my life is still the same.
I stopped dreaming long ago and so now I created a wishing well in my head because my life will only change if I wish it hard enough, until the world hears and see’s my family tear’s and pain I will not stop voicing my story. Everyone should tell their personal story and not be ashamed because being silent has not worked for me.
Ask me how you can help because there is so much I can teach you on how to solve our nation’s number one problem.
“POVERTY”
Thank you my lovely wife for just giving me this huge hug after me reading you this story because the tears and pain that just flowed out of me was because I know how much pain you must live in, and you calling me your “Night and Shinning Armor” shows your compassion and love for me, your simple minded man.
“So Thank You My Love”
Written by: Michel B. who’s looking out his front window watching life pass him by.
Please don’t be ashamed for me and share this story to everyone you encounter on your journey through life and post any comments you have because I will always listen to what you have to say, because your special too.
I find myself very hardened with no desires or dreams anymore. and although I crave a kind, loving, happy relationship that will last a lifetime, I’m to hardened to even try to find that person. 12 years of mental abuse during my marriage and 3 years of loneliness after divorce. I feel unattractive, anti social in physical pain from spinal stenosis. Yet I still feel a glimmer of hope from time to time but then I think of how someone would just use me to get what they want and then roll out when I need them most. 37 yo male just withering away
Hello lowtide,
I came across your comments and wanted to e-mail you. I tried the e-mail above but it is not deliverable. Is it missing a letter. Or do you have another e-mail contact? Thanks!
Hello Everyone,
I have no idea where to turn for help…
I hope I can find the answers here. I’m so way beyond depression. I’m a 55 year old women. I have no family, no children and never was married. I lost my mother 8 yrs ago and my dad 1 yr ago. It was a very tragic, horrific accident which was in the middle of the night. My dad who at age 93 had ventured in the road. There are no lights out here in the country. It was I who hit him…..I froze before I realized a person was standing in the road. I was just getting home from a 16 hr shift. I had no idea my dad was capable of wondering out at night.
I have to live with this for the rest of my life!
I miss my folks soooo much! I miss human contact! I have one good friend, she tries to help the best way she can, and that is to read through bible scriptures…….but none of that can ever alleviate the loneliness and pain. Let me tell you if it weren’t for my animals……I would do myself in. I work long hrs as a caregiver. I work crucial days like saturdays, so social life is out. When I’m home, I’m so exhausted mentally and physically. Whoever happens to read this…please, please help me. Ptsd, isolation, lonelines, depression, and suicidal thoughts have taken over my life. If there is a God, why must I go on? If I could only find someone to love my animals and care for them……it would be the end of me.
Hello Mam.
I know I’m not experienced enough or cant even being to imagine the slightest bit of the situation you are currently going through but if I may say this, that there is always hope. Even if youre a 99 year old person with no teeth or no capability to move. If you honestly really try , which can be hard im very sure, you can taste a bit of happiness and just enough hope to live by. Please please please don’t ever think about ending yourself. You’re going to be your own enemy if you do that. And right now, you need to love yourself.
Its really amazing to you have the companionship of animals and please don’t feel bad if thats the only companionship you have at the moment because look at how out of all the people, they are there to give you a bit of hope to get through the day.
Also Mam, what happened to your father is not your fault. It will never be your fault. Please stop blaming yourself and forgive yourself. I’m very sure your father wouldn’t want you resenting yourself because of him right? I cant imagine the huge burden you must feel but what I do know is you can get through it. You are much more stronger than you will ever know unless you actually try.
Try going to social gatherings in the sense where there are people to talk to. Like maybe some local events where there are people present who are around your age? Initiate a conversation. Its very hard! I can understand but you need to really really try if you want to live life peacefully. Only you can change your situation. A million people can enter your life but you’ll only ever feel happy when you accept yourself.
I hope what I said made you think and helped you. There are always people who care okay? No matter how distant they might seem to be. I promise you. I’ll pray for you and I hope today proves to be the day you turn your life around. Its never too late!!
God Bless you
Godamn that … sucks. I’m really sorry. It’s not your fault at all, you have to know that, but I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m really, really sorry. That really sucks.
I understand how you feel, if only a little, about the loneliness though. I get down a lot, I think it’s just the way I am, and I know what it’s like to wonder about the other side. But I have a dog who is every bit as neurotic as I am, and not knowing what would happen to her keeps me going. That, and just breathing. It sounds silly, but just taking one breathe, and then the next, and the next after that, while focusing on being fully present in that one moment, helps me. Remembering that this life is finite, and will eventually end whether I’m ready or not, is oddly inspirational. It motivates me to try new things and reach out to others, because acknowledging that life is short and unpredictable is weirdly comforting.
If you wish to correspond I am willing to try my best to listen and help
Blessings to you
H
I’m way to depressed … All my friend have left .. They meet me but they act different like they were never before , sarcastic all the Time… I tried many time too make it up to them but they never change they call me up to meet me but when I go they try to embarrass me indirectly . first I thought its all in my mind but no I can sense fell the negativity . now I don’t care about them. I want to fix my life . do something with it . make my parents proud because they have always been there no matter what . I want to have that courage , strength , I wanna be determined but when I try i’m just focused for a day but next day i’m not . there is hope in me for sure , but i’m not confident all i’m scared to talk to people . every time scared to take to opportunity. Talking to girls have been difficult . I can’t come up with different topic and soon the conversation seems to be boring. I know this all can be fixed everything can be fixed but I don’t know how to do it. Help me with it please.
Hi Abhi, first thing I want to point out is that’s great that you recognize your parents love you unconditionally and that’s huge!!!. Now the friends thing, my best advice is to not focus on what you think they think. If they give you direct insults and embarrass you it might be because you are not yourself around them. Or they are just jerks. Either way it’s up to you to find a way to change the situation. You need to remove the things you have no control over. Be polite and distant yourself for time being while you reasses your priorities. Find out what you need from friends and relationships. Take that and figure out what you need to do in return for those relations. Once it makes sense of what your goals are for those people, find a way to propose a “fresh start” for lack of better words. The ones worth trying will understand and it will strengthen the relations.
Wow, I came back to this site because of an email, about one of you awesome people commenting… And it took me back to when I originally came to this site looking for kind words and hope. What an amazing few months, I’ve been doing great with my problems. Complete turn around, I’m still at the same job! (I’m thirty one years old and I’ve had 36 jobs). I don’t know a lot of things still, but what I’ve learned I’m holding on to. Thank you everyone for sharing. It truly feels good to know we’re here for each other.
I suspect that if there was a Guinness Book of World Records category for most time with no human contact but not behind bars then I would win time and time again. I would win every year. My fear and concern that this posting is going to show up when people google my name
Why would someone Google your name if you don’t have human contact? I’d put money on, someone out there that cares for you!, too bad it’s not yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself a story about you and how good a person you are.
Hi,am a 26yr old living with my mom and have never met my father I used to have lots of friends to hang out with partying socially I must say I was the centre of attention once in my life time that was years ago all those people whom I called friends have disappeared me and my mom have a strange connection we hardly talk I always wanna be alone, I have debts that I made while I was working cause I didn’t wanna look like I had no money around the people I hang around with all that is left with me now no friends no job certainly no money nothing but debts, I recently met a friend that understood me and understood the person I am we connected shared stuff we were always together called one another every single day ever since we even got closer emotionally but didn’t go as far as I hoped cause I have developed feels for her through out now we are apart I have relocated and now seems like she has moved on we are not as tight as we used to be I thought she is different from others but now am not so sure she is all I think about she is my number 1 when I talk to her I become relieved in some way my day becomes better I become happy not any more she doesn’t call to check up although she used to do that all the time what I am supposed to do now she is the centre of my attention without in my life am nothing please help me to understand and let go of this cause I can’t live like this I want to be out there living life again have friends that care and call me daily I wanna own my life am always in bed thinking always alone in deep thoughts
So that’s truly a situation that will only get tougher if you don’t deal with it… I was penniless and homeless for two days before I came back to my family to stay. In two months I had enough money to get a 650$ car. Put insurance and temp tags on it. Then I saved another month and filed chapter seven bankruptcy… No one is going to save you from financial burdens, and I’ll admit they are at times the worst to deal with. Put your emotions and everything on hold and go into autopilot for a while. Two simple goals and keep them. When those goals are met, welcome your problems back, ten fold you’ll have a considerably less. Which in return will open your mind to focus on the most important ones.
I am alone with no friends, and my family is too preoccupied with their own lives to bother with me. I am a woman in my late 40- who cant even get a date. my son told me the other day that I am an embarrassment and I should go and kill myself, he is an adult now, and I am thinking he could be right. my job is hurting me emotionally. I am actually on vacation and two of my bosses called me to yell at me, I am probably going to get fired. my husband began an affair three years ago, and I left him two years ago, however my family blames me, and even my mother says I should get back with him, even though he was both physically and emotionally abusive to me. As she says, this is the best you are going to get.
I am a great listener to my so-called friends, I always validated what they were feeling, and never judged, but when I am in crisis, they wont return my calls, or texts. I am so alone and unwanted, and I don’t know how to change it
Hey Kate,
It sounds like you are in a very painful and tough spot. I myself am too.. It hurts my heart to hear hat your son would say something to you that hurtful. Suicide is never the answer even when it seems like the whole world is against you. Take everyday one step at a time. I believe the best thing you can do is to figure out ways to better yourself, by yourself (for now). I would definitely encourage you to start exercising wether it’s walking, yoga, or riding a bike. I know that whenever I am feeling really down exercise helps me deal with my feelings. Another great thing you could do is find classes that allow you to excercise with others. This will be a great way for you to meet friendly people. Excercising puts people into a better mood which will make it easier to connect. Focus on bettering yourself and I think things will begin to turn around slowly for you. Eat, sleep, and excercise can make a world of difference. Once you begin bettering yourself it will also make it easier to work on your relationships with the ones that are close to you. Your life is precious no matter what anyone says. I don’t know if you are religious or not but that could also be a great avenue to feeling better. It is also a great place to meet people that will care about you and your well being. God bless you and I hope things begin to turn around. Love you!
Also seek a therapist. It’s confidential and no one has to know you’re even going to one. It will help out a millions times over! Good luck
Hi, so sorry this is all happening, indeed it can hurt more than words can say when your son talks to you like that, I know how you feel because my child has talked to me very badly too and apparently I am also an embarrassment sometimes. Yes that hurts so much but you know what I’m still the mother and you don’t have to go anywhere with me….no your son is not right and it’s downright cruel to talk to you in that way, you’re his mom and my advice would be to tell him exactly that and until he can talk to you in a civil way not to contact you, sounds harsh and believe me I’ve tried every which way to deal with that myself and nothing else worked.
This is the time to take very good care of you, you need to put yourself first and feel better, your son, the rest of your family are not helping you, they are hurting you and you have to feel so confused and down.
No, your abusive husband is not the best you can get, please never ever think that, I know the feelings of being alone and unwanted, I’m fighting it all myself and it’s tough but I tell you when I try to think positively and take care of myself I feel better. I have good days and of course not so good days but I remind myself I’m a good person and deserve the best.
This is just me but I don’t think you should even be thinking of dating anyone right now, you need to find peace within yourself then you’ll be ready for a relationship, and only if someone so darn great comes along!!! don’t settle for anything less!! As I mentioned take care of you right now, exercise is great, find something you like to do, even if you start by waking on a trail if you’re near some ir just around the neighborhood, when I started that I felt so depressed I only walked at night but that’s okay….it will get better.
Try not to take any notice of all the advice you’re getting, don’t see certain people if they are bringing you down, just tell yourself I want to feel better so….I’m going to start by knowing I’m a wonderful person…keep telling yourself that….and I’m going to really take good care of myself. That’s a start, it can only go up from here!!
I know how hard it is, my mind would go over and over everything, nobody was there for me either even though I was always there for them, it took up so much of my time I eventually thought this is ridiculous and I stopped all that thinking.
You just don’t know what lies ahead but when we are stuck in a funk/depression we are frozen so to speak.
Maybe you can start searching for another job, but….I’m parrot saying this but it is SO important in order for you to move on to know you deserve the best life so please start by putting yourself first even if it means being alone right now that’s just fine, with a healthy mind good things can happen, breathe……hope you are okay, hang in there and put your foot down with certain things!!
Hello. I’m 18 and I have no friends. This started when I was 9. I would have to ask a teacher to help me find someone. I always felt like crying and I didn’t belong on this world; I wanted to die. My mum said that I couldn’t go to a different Primary School, I was so upset. No-one ever came up to me and asked whats wrong or wanna come play with us? When it was High School, still no friends. Some of the people in my Primary School went. I was still alone. I ate alone. I never had a partner for projects. I just gave up. I had no friends and my family were the only ones that cared for me. When High School was over, it was now collage. I saw a girl sitting alone, I asked if she was okay. She had no friends. I asked her if she wanted to be my friend; she said yes. I had a friend! Finally! She soon had to leave the collage. I was alone. Again. In my spare time I play on my laptop and my iPad. Thats the only way I feel happy. I still don’t have hope…
I am feeling lost too. I am at high school and just lost my best friend. I told her about my depression but she told me she doesn’t feel okay with me… She said, she will be with be no matter what… but i know her well.. she can try… but if I don’t change fast she will leave me alone forever… I lost all of my friends… I am so lonely… I am an Outsider … I need help… no one is net to me except for my family… but they can’t do much… in home yes, but what about my social life… I am watching movies all the time… I am watching like 10 TV shows… and when one is over, i start to watch another one… It makes me feel good. I am away from everything. I am away from my troubles and my life but then BAM, it’s over. And I should go back to the real world. I know a friend from the internet can’t help u… And I know if I tell “Don’t lose hope” u’ll be angry with me, because this is the exact words of people who doesn’t understand us. We need motivation. But we need a friend. We need someone who’s there for us. But we lost it all. we have no friends, no life… We are loners… But it shouldn’t be like that forever… We should fight. I’ll try. I’ll try alone !! ALONE! Because I am Alone…
I need someone, but there’s nobody, okay… I’ll try Alone.. We both should do that. We are going to fail, but we won’t give up. Right now i am totally giving up… today was too sad… too terrible… But I’ll try to be okay tomorrow … I will…
ALONE!! Because if there is nobody … nobody who can help me… I’ll try Alone… And I am crying right now, Alone… And u probably do it too… But please, for me, don’t give up… We’ll make small steps… very small… people won’t notice it… but we will. and one day… one day.. we’ll be far, far from where we r now, and will stand there and say : we are here…. No one was there for us when we need it… but we r going to be there for you.. to be there when someone needs it….
I am just like u Amy… I am dying inside… And i wish there was someone who can help me, but beyond my family there’s no one. Yes, i should be happy that at least my family is with me, but u should know it better than anyone, that no matter how love and understanding they can give us, it’s not enough. Cry today, be strong tomorrow. I’ll try that. Probably it won’t work all the time… but someday it will work all day, everyday .. Good Luck Amy!! Good luck to everyone who’s suffering depression. We don’t need prayers and hope, we need to be strong when we r not. And it’s so hard to do than say, but we should move… our planet is awful place and only if we r lucky we’ll find someone who can be with us through all of this. But the chances r small. We should help to our own self , because no one else can!
I feel lost too.. I am also in college living on my own in one bedroom apartment. I made friend but they made more and I just don’t have much now. I get sad because I have no one to talk to anymore i just feel down all the time. Feels like I just sit in my place alone, while everyone else is having fun. I really wish I could be happy again and have just that one friend..but I cant I guess and ill never know why..Just sucks how I can be there for other people, but once I try to talk to them about my problems they run away. I feel lost and hopeless….and alone
I have lost everything. I am now divorced, single, lonley, and depressed. I have been divorced for about a year. I have lost both of my parents and I don’t really have any family. I havenot friends and I’m not good at making any. My ex was my best friend but I was tie for us to move on. My divorce has been hard, but it’s the bleak unknown that’s slowly killing me. People think I look younger than what I am, but I know the truth. I’m past the “fresh and young” date. I Have realized that my 20s are gone and even though I lost both of my parents at different times during my twenties, I never thought I would be in this situation; older, alone, and deeply heartbroken. I feel like I’ve lost all hope.
My ex was supposed to pay alimony but he has not!!! I’m on the verge of being flat broke. I’m a full time student and I work as many hours as I can without it affecting my grade, which equals to me not being able to cover all of my bills. I’m savings is almost gone and I don’t know what to do. I feel ashamed at my situation. I question all the stupid choices I made and why I’m still here. People say im pretty all the time, but what does that mean. I’ve given up on “Love,” what a joke. I must just be me because the men I seem to attract are not so good. I Just feel like I’m done. I don’t see the purpose in thei rat race anymore. I’m a 4.0 student, I own my home, I own my vehicle, I have a job, I’m considered attractive, but I have to continue to pay for school, pay my taxes ans other bills with a less than full time job, my new vehicle is a lemon, my job is killing me physically and what good are looks if I’m barren and alone. I really sad and no one knows ore even cares. I’ve had all my losses early. My horid tales of sorrow is a long…most people don’t go through this!!!
Try to ignore ALL the misspellings and errors.
Hi my name is Rachel. I am currently working two jobs to supposrt my family. My husband who i have been with for 9 years is serving 4 years in prison. We have four kids together and i am alone. I am depressed on a daily basis. I am broke all the time. I also put on a brave face to my jobs and to my family. They know im suffering but dont care to help. I lost all of my relationships from my marriage because none of my friends were good enough. So i am alone. I cant get out there and even find new friends because i have my kids all the time. So i am basically single mom who cant go out and find a relationship because im married. Im stuck in the situation im in. I cant go back to school because i have no evening sitter. My mother in law does help me on the weekeneds when i have to work but im not getting ahead. Me working two jobs is barely making it. I dont get any help from the state at all. He put me in a bad situation and i have been doing this for a year and im getting to my breaking point. When is it enough?
Hi everyone,
I’m going to find this extremely awkward writing my story as I have never really opened up to anyone and no one I know really understands what I’m going through.
My names Tom im 21 and I come from a small town in lancashire
I grew up in a small council flat with my mum and dad happy enough all my childhood I noticed things weren’t functioning as a ‘normal’ family. I was very distant to my mum and dad as a child and was often confused to why my mum and dad acted strange. Since the age of 10 i knew my mum and dad were drug addicts and it’s only when I became a little older I was then able to work out they were heroin takers. All through my childhood I battled and argued with my parents not for the sake of being grounded or standard things like that but for these weird and twisted situations I was put in such as when my dads fellow heroin addict friend got out of jail I had to share my bedroom with him and share a bunk bed. At the time I didn’t really understand. As I got to the age of 14 my dad was riddled with a decease called COPD I didnt really understand what this was or what it did but my dad was constantly in an out of hospital and often being refered for lung transplants and operations as my dad was stupidly still smoking and doing God knows what at the same time I was very distant from him as he grew into quite a nasty character eventually he was refused all operations and was offered residency at the hospis. At this age I was 18 this inability to function became a burden on my mum who was literally a nurse on 24hr call for my dad she really did keep him alive for as long as he could go. My mum was a very simple easily manipulated women as she had an extremely tough isolated upbringing herself. Just last year my dad sadly passed away whilst I was turning 20 it’s been a year since he’s passed away. I can deal with my fathers passing as i was dreading it through all my teenage years but since then my mum has turned into an alcoholic drug taking mess it’s like I don’t know her. Now at this stage most of you will be saying its your job to look after her well let me tell you this ive been in every situation said every single sentence you can think of trying to help her and she just doesn’t listen she can’t take note she’s even thrown me out before for trying to help she refuses it. It’s to the point where her own family have given up and my nana cannot have contact with her.
She’s turned that crazy she’s started meeting my dads twin and I’m genuinely thinking she’s convinced herself that it’s him. I have no family at all to gain support from as ive never met most of them and the ones I know live in France and don’t really care to be honest ive tried getting advice before. I’m 21 years old and I feel 60 I honestly have no idea where to turn im quite a strong person and I’m not easily broken down but some days I don’t even think I want to live and I don’t mean this in a stupid 1 hour phase I sometimes think of death and a kind of release from the pain and life. I have literally no one to speak to I don’t have any friends because since leaving school I worked for an independent builder and it was basically just me and an old man I have no idea what to do for a career im unemployed with no qualifications im at a point in life where im wondering what I even enjoy anymore the house has been repossessed and my mum is living in a 1 bedroom flat. I’ve no family no friends no idea of where to go in life or im just spending my time wondering if it’s even worth carrying on ive lost all my confidence and I struggle to even hold a conversation without my voice trembling ive avoided people that long I can’t even handle walking through town. I don’t know who to speak or what to do im worried if I go to the doctors they will just prescribe me some pills and that is that (which I don’t want to happen) im 21 and I’m literally living like a recluse. I’ve so many great qualities but I just feel broken and unsure anymore.This is not a crave for attention as im far past that. It’s just the case I genuinely do not have a clue what to do in my life the worst thing is I could explain a load more other huge crazy things that are happening in my life that would sound unreal and exaggerated. The truth is I couldn’t write a book about it all without it sounding make belief crazy stories.
If anyone(highly doubtful) has bothered reading this thanks for taking the time and any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hey Tom, just read your story. It’s clear from your writing that you are a highly intelligent and empathetic person. You’re so young you basically have your whole life ahead of you and there are many opportunities out there. I sympathise with your story as you haven’t had it easy in life. But it does sound like you got ahead in life, got some work experience and did well given your circumstance. I do admire your strength of personality. Listen, I’m not sure how I could help but if you want to email me, we could at least keep chatting and figure something out. Loss of confidence can happen to anyone for any reason (actually happened to me is why I’ve visited this site) but I’m sure it’s only temporary and things can get better … don’t give up!! cool_dude08080 [at] yahoo.com
Hi Tom, I’m 23 from Manchester. I’m wondering how you’re getting on ? If you would like to email me ????
Hello everybody, I just want to say i’m so sorry for what your going through and I understand too. I have depression and I never really had many friends. All I have to say is… look to god. Jesus Christ knows perfectly well what your going through. If you’ve never read the Bible I would give it a chance and read just a little. Trust me you do not have to be a preacher or very religious to pray and read the bible. Start with the new testament or old testament doesn’t matter. Everything in that book is TRUE, even if your an atheist give it a chance. Truly pray to god and ask if everything is true. I don’t care what people think about this post, just do it, it will change your life. True happiness has to be earned and fought for. Everything that is happening is being worked out for your good. God works in mysterious ways, he will make your work for your happiness. Life is just a big test, NEVER look back, look forward. God looks at what you could be not what you are. Remember that many people love you but they just might be afraid to show it. Wherever you are in this world what ever situation you are in you are LOVED. YOU yes YOU, are here for a special purpose. Now right this moment pick up that dusty old book and read it. “Its not about what you gained from the bible, its about what you lost, which is the ultimate gain”.
Hi Trey
I so appreciated your post.Thanks for your heartfelt words of encouragement .I am a believer in Jesus Christ and saved by his grace.But i still suffer from very bad depression and anxiety.Its so paralyzing that at times I can’t even go outside.I don’t feel worthy to try to make friends or talk to people.My children are supportive but my husband doesn’t unnderstand me and hates when i cry or try to tell him how i feel.But he is chronically ill and has that to deal with. so i understand him not wanting to hear more negative stuff. I pray a lot and don’t understand why my life is this way.Please pray for me and I for you all here on this site.
Worked in radio for over 3 decades and was always very careful the people I became friends with. Early in my career I worked the 10pm – 2am shift Monday thru Friday and toward the end of my time there I was given my first “friendly” phone call. It was a guy calling me to say how great I sounded blah blah blah! Especially when you’re are so new to the profession you want everyone to hear it! Deep down I knew that had to be a lie but convinced myself that I was going to change radio with all my “great” ideas, which I realized how stupid they ALL were within 18 months! To get the job I lied and gave him the places I worked at before the job I was interviewing for, again my first. I went across town where they had so much more knowledge, access to information especially if you’re still considered a rookie. The 2 1/2 years at the 2nd job I did was invaluable due to al of the experience in that building. Our GM had been a DJ in Pittsburgh along with a host of other stations. Dave, the GM, was easily the most influential in my career, After 3+ decades I hung up the headphones but this is where the depression, which I’ve battled with most of my adult life, took ahold of me and just won’t let go. We moved back to Florida and I had so many great friends here I was excited to go back! While going thru a deep depression I reached out to a handful of people that were listeners who became very good friends. After I sent digital notes to a handful of the friends I knew it would be a week or two before I would hear back from any of them. After 2 weeks still only 2 replies out of 5 I sent and basically each one said things are “crazy” right now & I’ll wait to hear back from you. Two & a half years later still nothing more then those 3 I mentioned. As the months passed with no more responses my depression started me on a nightmare trip into the “darkness”, the deepest, darkest and scariest areas in my mind. It is still frustrating, angering, hurting, confusing & make me wonder what I did to ALL of these people. I’ve given up on ever finding out but I still find myself in the deep abyss in my brain and all I can figure is that while I thought we were all great friends, having fun and making memories …. but I guess not,
I can relate very well to this article. I feel very much like the person you describe.
I am living in what I call “survival mode”. I can function fine at work and put on a brave face when I’m around family etc but then I return home and just seek comfort and relaxation.
It’s difficult for me to imagine having real friends again. Or even putting in effort to do things I enjoy. My life consists of just doing the minimum to get through, just to survive. I’ve never been outgoing, and I often enjoy being alone, but sometimes it gets lonely and I don’t know how to dig my way out.
What I really want to know is how you managed to get well again. I assume you’re in a better place now…what did you do to begin recovering??
Hi, well I’m 20 years old and I feel lost in life, without anyone. My family isn’t important to me. Currently in college and have a part time job in a call center.
I’m annoyed and just tired with life. I hate what I do and the way I am.
I know that I’m the only person who decides to be happy but I just don’t know how. Never had real friends, gay and also hate my physical body. Self harm.
Most of the times I just feel this way and start crying. I feel so frustrated with myself. I just can’t.
Hey Ramos I can totally relate to you. I’m gay muscular good looking but i still find it hard to make friends, I’m sick of doing NSA’s because nobody sticks around for any kind of relationship its just the melbourne gay culture is very fake and shallow. Weekends are worse. Only thing i can tell you just stick around
Hi, i´m reading all this comments that are so open and honest, I want to open up as well. I´m a 23 year old guy. Basically, i´ve come to the conclusion throught the last few years that I repress every single aspect in my life, specially my sexuality and, because of that, I bottle myself and rather be alone than with people. Too worried about judgement, and always seeking for acceptance from different groups of people, showing different personalities with each person. I´m questioning if this sort of behaviour is common in society, it must be, to a certain degree.
I will sum one of my many conflicts in an example. I made a friend a few years ago who is very very charismatic, he has the ability to talk to anyone and start up conversations out of thin air. He´s shameless and very fun to be around.
Four years ago I enrolled in an Art University (theatre). I remember on the first day on class that I wanted to act like him, to make friends and be shameless. After many failures trying to be someone I am not, I realized that I could only be me. That´s when I realized I have no purpuse in life. I´m on stand by (attached to my laptop almost all day, watching movies, tv shows…) instead of living life. I guess I am not fulfilled with life in general terms. I see people working, traveling, going out, having children. One side of me thinks they are stupid for trying to acomplish the norm of “life”, and the other half wants this. I also find conversations very boring, people talking about the most shallow things. I´m attracted to deep subjects like the human conciousness, fears, understanding why people do or think a certain way or another. I know that is interesting to me because I am having all those things myself.
I sometimes think this state of “stand by” is positive because it helps me reflect on myself, but on the other hand, I think that this is making me more depressed and alone since people tend to stay away from this kind of people. Note that I say “this kind of people” rather than saying “me”. I guess I can´t take responsability for “me”, since that would make me that “kind of person” I don´t want to be.
Anyways, that´s my load I wanted to throw. Excuse me if some of the things can not be understood. I tried to put it in words things that i´ve never told anyone before, and also because I´m from Argentina haha. Thanks for letting me express my “true self”, full of anxiety, doubt and fear.
Sometimes I wonder if Depression is just the name for realizing you feel you have missed out on what you thought life would be like, & you don’t fit in that life that you see everyone having on Facebook. Facebook is depressing.
What’s worse? having it all & losing it all? or Never having it all & never knowing the difference?
Start by throwing all the pills away! Lithium gone, topomax gone, lemectal gone. Go a month or so without it, reassess yourself through deep meditation ( or mushrooms lol ) look in the mirror and go ” do you have one more in you “. Make that moment the first part of the rest of your life… Suck it the heck up and never look back… Complete a personal makeover that you love, create it in mediation, complete it in life.
I have no friends, my two children have no friends. We all sleep all day an will only go grocery shopping when we wont see anyone late at nite. Life has no purpose anymore. I’m scared when the phone rings although it’s only a telemarketer. We have no one, we are the most hated people around. I don’t know how it came to this. Very lonely existence.
PJ
It’s the guilt. Guilt and shame attract punishment. The fastest way to get rid of it is through hypnosis. Find a qualified hypnotherapist in your area and make an appointment. Trust me, in one session, you could make some serious changes in your life. Good luck.
Hi there PJ,
Literally my jaw dropped when I read your response. Almost like i wrote that myself. I also have 2 kids and no one in my family likes me they really are dreadful and mean. I was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago and no word of a lie everyone in my family a cousin in particular my one and only sibling treat me so badly that I feel like a walking dead person. I have been told that I do this depression thing on purpose, which hurts me so badly. My kids and I don’t get invited anywhere or they just invite my kids and treat me like I am a 3 headed monster. No matter how I try. I don’t have facebook and my sibling does and all my used to be friends think I am weird and have sided with my sibling. My heart goes out to you the Very lonely existence part is all too familiar. My kids are the only reason I am alive and I feel there pain, and feel so bad that they have a mother who is so depressed all the time. I typed into the internet why do I not have any friends, family, partner, or carrer and here I am ….
I grew up with depressed parents, one has passed away and the other is a addict I don’t speak with… I love them so much… I hope that you find a way to force yourself and kids to make something more of this life. To learn to enjoy again. You’ll all have to fake it for a while, but eventually things get better, if only one of you gets better it’s worth five in the bush… Think of that, we only get one shot at this life. In the end were all the same, so control the now, forget the things we can not control… It doesn’t matter one bit in the end… Today is the only thing that does. I love you!, I truly do, without us there’s just them… They need us ” Keep that in mind “.
I am I single dad of two wonderful girls. Both mother’s of my daughters couldn’t of been any worse of choices. My oldest mother abandon her when she was 1 My x of my baby who is now 2 is a drug addict, theif,pathological liar and Robbed my mother of all her family herlumns which ruined my family ties, started a fist fight with my moms new bf who blamed me for her actions my Dad lives 6,000 away has a horrible wife who hates kids needless to say I am 100%, alone had to quit my job of 7 years after being stabbed by my baby’s mother and forced to loose my job and take a loa from work from which I got fired
I am all all alone raising my daughter with no idea where to turn or what to do now
PJ….I’m guessing you do have people in your life that care….its just not easy to see that.
I am the girlfriend of a very depressed guy – 50 years old. He’s not on medication, and hasn’t been formally diagnosed, but admits to be chronically depressed for 20 years. Until 3 months ago he could function. Now he’s in a deep depression – still in denial. I know he feels he’s hated….doesn’t want to be a burden. But he is loved….appreciated…..and I WANT to be around him. I have never suffered depression – only read how hideous it can be. He isolates himself….want to be alone, won’t answer my calls and occasionally will answer my texts.
My question is….when people say they want to be alone, do they REALLY want to be alone?
Do my occasional texts stating “I love you”….”call me if you need/want ANYTHING” help, or make things worse for him.
Pj, Your story is my story. And it seems like a couple other’s story here too. Because of the stigma attached to depression and the ignorance most people have of it- many suffer extreme discrimination. Unfortunately, friends can discriminate also, thereby isolating you more. I wonder if you are also suffering from social phobia. Waiting utiil night to go get food seems more than even clinical depression. It’s certainly no way for your children to live. Are you seeing a doctor? If anything, do it for your children….I wouldn’t wish my isolation on my children.
I’m 53 years old,nothing was important for me then my family means my mother father sisters and brother, as been a main bread winner just forgotten about my life and was happy that my dear family lived better life through me,when I realized about my self I think I’ts bit too late….but now I never felt so lonely, my sacrifice went in vain. no family want to keep in touch with me, apart from my mum [dad fast away 4 years ago] realy herts ,
Hi Nathalia, I’m sorry you feel so alone, I’m 55 and about 4 years ago I suddenly felt the worst loneliness ever, deep to the core, I’m in a terrible marriage and trying to get out, so frightened of what’s going to happen to me but I will leave and see what happens as I am so beyond sad.
For me I know it’s because I’m getting older even though I feel younger! think it just hits us and we realize time goes by so fast. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone, look after yourself.
Hello, when I was six years old my brother raped me. After that, I couldn’t make friends anymore. My best friend, when I was six , rejected me and was not my friend anymore. I’m 32 now, and that’s how long its been since I had a good, healthy friend. I can honestly say that god almighty himself reached down his hand, and slowly pulled me up through all the pain of everything you go through but don’t feel. And I felt all the sadness that was just sitting there in my heart. I’m quite sure in the next few months I will be ready for a real friend. The holy spirit is called the counselor and I know that’s what he’s been for me. He’s teaching me to look at myself in a better light, and not believe the lies about not being good for anything. I think I’m starting to feel normal, finally. Thanks
I am 59 years old and have been married for 27 years. We have 3 kids who are in their early 20s. I have worked full-time throughout our marriage because of money issues. I grew up in the northeast where I had a lot of friends and family. I had a very rich social life growing up. But over the years, people in my life have slowly passed away or moved away. A couple of years ago, we moved west due to a job opportunity for my husband. Now I feel really alone. I work full-time at a fairly intense, stressful job. When I get home, I am very tired. Weekends are usually spent catching up around the house. My husband is a couple of years older than me and has some health problems over the last several years. He still works full-time and has a part-time job on the side because of our financial issues. We are still struggling financially because we’ve never made a lot of money and we’ve had a lot of bills. We cannot afford to travel to see old friends and family around the country. My husband’s health issues have slowed him down. He was always on the quiet side but now that’s increased. All he does in his spare time is to sit in his lazy boy chair and watch TV. He’d be happy there day and night. He is not much of a conversationalist. If I want to go out, I have to make the plans. If I want a conversation, I have to start it and carry it on. I feel very alone because he really doesn’t interact much with me or want to go out. I tried to meet people in our new town, but it’s hard when you work full-time at an intense job. I feel like all I do it work and come home to take care of the house. I am really bored. My life is so narrow than it was when I was younger. The last few years, I’ve felt mildly depressed and tired all of the time. I just don’t have the same “joi d’vivre” that I used to have. My father passed away a couple of years ago so my mother sold the family home and moved in with my sister so I can’t “go home” for visit anymore where I grew up. Everything has changed and I don’t like it. I’m really bored, lonely, tired, and mildly depressed. I don’t do much other than work, take care of the house, and watch some TV. Help!!!!!!
Hi , I read most of the comments. I feel everything your all feeling! My story is no different! Married to a man I love dearly but due to drug addiction (both) he now is in treatment and I’m working on DBT classes. However were separated and don’t live together. I have few friends and don’t want to damper anyone’s day! My career as a stylist is going down the drain and finances owed is too much to bear! I know I have a responsibility to my debit and want to take care of it , but the depression and anxiety I face is got a hold on me where it stops me from working!!!!!!! My husband does not understand, my family doesn’t know the extent of it all ( they’d only want to hear the “good things” ) so there for I feel trapped, lonely, isolated in my own prison! I have felt abandoned and pushed away since I was 6 years old! I was sober for 8.5 years till 9 months into my relationship with the man I married almost 2 years ago, I asked him lets get some powder? That’s where it all started! He wasn’t honest from the beginning and it only got worse. He was frequently visiting strip clubs, spending large amounts of money on strippers, not coming home the lies the shit I found ect………… Now he’s in treatment doing well and I am alone with barely a job, maybe 2 friends maybe……. And debit shame guilt of what I have become and the WHY’S?…… Not to mention all the abuse through the years from men, family, some co-workers. I wKe up being great full for what’s I DO have but fall into this toxic and self destructive behavior cause I feel incredibly unworthy!,,,,,,, I’m looking for advice and I can take constructive advise! Please I’m reaching out. I thank everyone who has the courage to share such emotional pain that were not alone ! I’m hopeful and seeking more☺️ Ali
Meditation. Through meditation you can get in touch with the pain. You have to FEEL it. To observe it while you feel it. It’s an energy field. Try to locate it in your body. Sooner or later the emotions, the pain will fade away. It’s a process. Self-awareness. Good luck!.-
I’m 34 married, house wife, two kids both are home schooled, a husband who works long hours, no friends, no life, unhappy, lonely, and depressed.
I often cry my self to sleep at night. This is not how I pictured my life. I went to school to be an RN. I wanted to travel, but my dreams came to an end shortly after I married. I married at the age of 22 and had my first child 9 months after being married.
The same week we had our daughter my husband got a job traveling for months on end. Which meant I was home alone with a child and no help from anyone. It seemed like my life went down hill from there. 6 miscarriages and one son later I still find myself unhappy, lonely, depressed, no life and no friends. To top it off I found out I have cancer as well. Needless to say I’m ready to find a tall building to jump off of.
Everyone tells me to pray, have faith, fight for my kids, be strong ect.. I’ve been alone all my life. I grew up with 3 brothers who hates me and parents who had drug addictions. A step father who raped me and a mother who told me that it was “normal”.
I can see why I had issues making friends. I met my husband shortly after moving from one state to other. When we first met he is the biggest jerk. It wasn’t until I was in college that we started dating. He was my knight who help me get out my step dad’s house. So needless to say we fell in “love”.
Now I still find it hard to make friends because I feel like I’m being judged before anyone has the time to get to know me. My past does effect my “ssocial” skills because I come off mean and my husband’s friends are scared of me. I also have a caring side I do show. I find myself helping people hoping that it will make me friends. I end up being used.
I’m at a loss and have given up on everything. My husband has no time for me, my kids fight all the time, my love life is gone, my cancer is getting worse because of stress, I’m to tired to fight, and have no one to talk too. Lonely doesn’t even come close to what I feel. I find myself praying that my cancer would just take me already.
Hello I’m gonna start off by saying God loves you and he wants nothing more then you to be happy I know having a husband who travels a lot for work is hard and very lonely but he does so in order to give you and your a kids a good life though I’m not gonna pretend like I know how you feel but I can relate sharing the same feelings of loneliness and sadness and I’m only 21! Yet I’m in a similar emotional position as you all I can say is keep looking forward take your mind off everything else and try to focus your energy on something else, maybe taking your kids out to the park daily going on long bike rides or running if anything I’d be happy to do anything I can to help! I am probably no where near you but if you need someone to talk to I’d be happy to listen after all I could use a friend too!
Where in the Bible does it say that God “wants nothing more than you to be happy?”
I had devoted my life to my family and work, now I am retired, have no friends or rather real friends, my 2 girls are drug addicts and all they ever want is money or to rescue them from abusive me, I have had enough. I have run all my friends off because of the fact that I worry worry and help my girls out. Yes I have been an enableler for years, I quit being an enabler about a year ago, the girls still hound me to death. I have run all my friends off by standing by my girls. Now I am reitired, no friends and my girls continually need money for rent, cigs and whatever. I would like to find some friends in the Magnolia , Tx area, when I am around folks at least I feel good for a little while. I am married, but my hubby doesn’t seem to feel the way I do. HEL{
Yesterday had to pull the car over as I was sobbing so much, things are getting worse and worse and I feel so trapped, so alone, I’ve felt this overwhelming loneliness for the last 6 years, in a terrible marriage, husband who has mood swings, one minute nice the next bad mouthing me to everyone including strangers, over and over and I cannot stand any of this.
Have had depressive episodes since late teens, tried so many anti-depressant’s with all the side effects and felt so tortured trying to get well.
I have no self-confidence, no self-esteem, I hate myself for not leaving marriage sooner, I know it’s only me that can do anything about all this and I do try to think positive but you can only take so much, so many things are going on, too much to describe here but this is so bad, I’m in my mid-50’s and do feel younger, like to hike etc but the pain of everything holds me back and I freeze with fear, am I going to end up under a bridge, what job will I do when I leave???
I am not trained to do anything, I am SO frightened, I stepped back from friend’s years ago as it was too hard to go out or be happy. I sob every day, in the car, have to run out the of the store because I’m going to cry….I try so hard every single day to tell myself everything will be okay but I don’t know that it will be, I end up shaking and breaking down.
How do you be strong to get out of a situation like this???? have read, just do it…but I’m in such a mess I don’t know what to do first, I am so sad, so unhappy, PLEASE if anyone has suggestions and I wish I could help others. Saw a therapist at my Dr’s who was very nice and I know I have to do something to get out of this misery but where on earth do you find the strength?
Had an abusive alcoholic father, all that is coming up in my mind, one day I feel so un loveable like I’ve always been told since I was little, I know this is not true but it hurts so badly.
I know it doesn’t count for much, but I know exactly how you feel. I am so alone in most aspects of my life. I literally go 21 hours a day without speaking to anyone outloud. (Except for my cat) my fiancé leaves for work early and when he gets home its dinner and shower then a bit of tv before bed. I live in a rural area so things are a bit remote.
I don’t have family to rely on. My parents live in upstate NY and dont much bother with me. I get a Facebook message once in awhile but thats it.
its been so long without any real connection to another human that I have become fearful of other people and experience extreme social anxiety. Its a never ending circle. I don’t know how to stop it or attempt to fix it. Its pretty much the end result of someone who has been let down, ignored, abused and thrown away by every person who should have or supposed to have cared. After so much of that you expect it. If someone said they loved you and/or that they would always be there for you tossed you out, then what is stranger or passing acquaintances capable of? Its easier to hide. But then you dwell on the fact that you are alone.
I am sorry you hurt and your sad. im sending a hug and happy thoughts.
Heather
Hi Heather and thank you for your reply, hope you are feeling better today.
I know exactly what you mean, it is never ending circle, it is easier to hide, I try to think positive and some days are better than others.
My best friend is my dog 🙂 I keep thinking I’ve got to try and get out and meet people but then I don’t even want to, I’ve always thought there was something really wrong with me as I’d rather be alone and not have the pain of people hurting me over and over.
Hope you’re feeling ok today and know that you are not alone, hugs back to you…
Both of you ladies, Tilly and Heather, are already on the road to happiness! You are both in a similar situation share similar experiences, thoughts, and emotions and therefore are able to understand each other. The both of you have a hard time making friends yet here you are chatting away like long time buddies. I’d say you have both found a friend in each other, keep in touch with each other because, in my eyes, you are each other’s prayers incarnate. Who knows you two might just become best friends!
Heather, your post really got to me. I so wish I could drop in, visit, make you a cup of tea… or more realistically, I guess, call and chat and listen.
I think we should start an email list, or something! It would be of some value just to have others to check in with, perhaps.
I’m here because I’m suffering too. Isolated, under a black cloud. Friends have drifted, it seems. They were all long distance friends, anyway. I’ve done a lot of moving, as an adult (I’m 42) and as an introverted person with a bit of social anxiety, it’s tough to make new friends in a new place when you don’t work, or have children, and all those things most people regard as common ground markers. I’m also coping with infertility, and trying to come to terms with the reality that I won’t have a child, and figure out what the shape of my life will be, without this major part of it that I’d planned…expected. What now for the future? My partner doesn’t grieve over this as I do. He has a job and a reason to go out of the house, everyday.
I sleep a lot. During the day. In the hours I am awake, I try to interest myself in learning new things, language, cooking, whatever. I read a lot and play with the dogs and watch a lot of soap opera. Distractions only take you so far. Caring for other people might help, and provide some purpose, but I don’t quite know how to find volunteer opportunities. I’m blind, and people can’t think beyond that, and therefore don’t see me as capable, or of any use.
I loathe indulging in self-pity, but this is just statement of the nature of things.
I’m not sure what the point of writing this is… I could just do with a friend. I’d maybe start a blog, if I had the energy.
Tea would be wonderful. I adore tea. Thank you everyone for the replies. I didn’t know there was any till I got an email. They made me smile.
Tilly, dogs are awesome. They have an ability to understand and show compassion far above what most humans are capable of. I am always surprised at the silly and sweet lengths they go to to make us smile and their ability to always be happy to see us and how easily they forgive us misguided bipeds when we have a bad day. My cat is the same way. (His name is mouse so that says it all regarding his mental state, or lack thereof)
Joanie,
your post got to me as well. I definitely think tea is in order..I can’t imagine all of that going on at once. Its more difficult than most would admit. My fiancé is the same way. He is lucky to work with his best friend so every day is an adventure and playtime for them. Yes its work but they work for themselves and love what they do. Sometimes when he came home he wouldn’t understand why I was so quiet. It took a bit to transition from all day of no talking to instantly having bubbly conversation. Sometimes it was overwhelming.
I find the nights to be the hardest. At least during the day you could go outside and hear the birds and have some semblance of being grounded or connected to something. At night, its quite. Nothing is open, everyone is sleeping and its a void. Time passes so slow. I have a insomnia so sleep is not a stable thing. 3 hours a day is usually the average, and thats between 4am to 7. It sucks. I can imagine its worse for you with being blind. Your sleep cycles are bound to be off.
I don’t think blindness should be a put off for anyone or a reason to be seen differently. Maby im different as I have a sister in law thats blind as well as a niece who is a whisker over a year old. Im an advid mountain biker and there is a man who I admire and respect a ton who became a professional downhill mountain bike racer and he is 100% blind and started riding after he lost his sight. Of course hes lucky to have a close relationship with his guode that rides in front of him to call out the trail to him. (To be a downhill racer is insane. Usually involving bombing down the side of the mountain at about 30+mph off off cliffs and drops that could go to 10+feet) not right in the head. I wouldn’t do it. I watch it and it makes me cringe. My broken bones remind me of the pain of past riding mistakes. So if anyone looks at you differently for that then it only shows their insecurity. You may not be able to see like they do but they sure as heck cant hear or smell and feel like you do so who really is the 1 lacking there? My money is on them. You have far more abilities than you give yourself credit for.
I think an email group is a great idea or even a blog. Im not much up on all the technical stuff. Im 35 and just recently started using Facebook.
I hope to hear from both of again. It really was super nice to know there is a connection with someone who knows what that lonely path is like. Im sending hugs to you and that nice cozy cup of tea
Hi
I had the same problem and I searched for a long long time for answers. Tried different tricks and joined a few web self help groups that tried to teach you tricks non of them worked for me, in fact they seemed to make me more frustrated.
Then I cam a cross a book called the Spirit Junkie well my world just open up.
Its all about you and how to love your self first.
If you are at one with your self then all will be at one with you.
Try it out you will not regret it.
P; ; ; ; ; ;
i can relate to everyone….situation might be different but feelings are same…i used to question everyday WHY ME???..the cloud of depression would never evade and darkness kept growing stronger…and suddenly i find a place to voice it out…and have people to hear me…
hi everyone..i stay in a different subcontinent but have the same feeling of depression…no friends…no life….and if i try to come out of such feelings and lonliness,it takes me nowhere…although i am seeing a counseller as well as psychiatrist…it’s been six months now but the situation remains the same…but hearing from all of you has given me the strength to fight it back…thank you John for sharing the method in detail
where is everyone located? i would like to be included in your group.
hi there its boring without no friends no one to talk to lack of low self esteem and on the social isolation net work as well one with asberges syndrome and social in traction as i have had it for about 18 yrs and one the dateing agents that you join for abit of company tyou have to pay loads off money down but dont find you mrs operfect match as their is not one at al;l and ihad been in all sorts off dateing agencys buty mnot evewr had along term relatiomn ship with any off them noew too as well ,lonlynress their is nop cure for it ihave had that disavantage for years as well and always been single as well and itys very hard to form a` proper on as well now too and ` its`hard andv yours friends are4 not salways be reliablre now too they come tomyounwhen they have got no whgre else to go as well as its`happenred to me in my teens now in my twentys and now the present but they are freiends if they use yolu when they feel like from dave
hi there name is dave owens and i get ueted by people when i have got money and when i have not got any no ones wants to know at all youve got loads mates when youve got money but when yopu have not got any money they dont want to know and youre friends drop yopu as well one as my depression as gone worse as well and social interaction as well and veey low self esterrm shown in it now too and relation ships are very hard to come by now as the benefits are changeing welfare reforming tax the canccalor george osborne is cutting the benefit down as well and dontn know what people are going ton live on
Hey,
I feel all of you since I was born I was lonely. my mother who ruined me and she admits it now after she got some help. My father great man but I rarely saw him why I was young age of 4-8 he worked about 13h a day. Anyway I turned out to be a compulsive lair been that way till. Well til now try to stop. Though lieing has lost me every one that I cared about they all just hate me, I don’t blame them I deserved it. Till this day I am 18 years old btw, I have no friends no relationship no one to talk to maybe I got used to it because I been this way since I was born. But some times I can’t handle it sometimes my dad tells me my eyes are tearing I didn’t even know. I get rage moments were I just don’t know what to do anymore. I though or think of committing suicide many many times. Today is one of them. Though I fear that I shouldn’t do that as long as my dad lives he may need me and I must be there for him, it the only thing that’s stops me. I am a good looking guy, funny, interesting. But lieing turned me to a thing that every one ignores, I just don’t know what to do any more. I just wanna talk to someone. Anyone.
Thus could be the first time I told the whole truth in my life and I wish I would never lie again. But maybe it’s too late, some habits are for life.
I want to respond to you because my husband tends toward lying. He has been this way for years yet I still love him. It has almost torn us apart at times, but I believe I’m a unique partner for him because my mother is a social worker and taught me growing up about the inner workings of emotions. Anyway, he will take a perfectly good happenstance just the way it is, and add unbelievable fabrications to it. When he tells the stories in the beginning you can see the listener is interested… but then their faces fall when the lies come in. He craves acceptance to the point where I believe he thinks if the story is good they will except me… if it’s exceptional they will except me even more. He doesn’t realize that he’s perfect just the way he is… the moral of my story is that so are you. If you are real with people they will see and embrace the commonalities between you and you will be excepted for who you are. No lie.
Hey Lucy,
I really do appreciate your comment, I hope it was that easy. But lieing to me has become somthing of a second nature I might lie about eating eggs for breakfast for no reason what so ever some time I ask my self why did I say that but that’s when it’s too late. I try to think alot befor I speak now making sure nothing that come out of my mouth is a lie. It helps and you are right again most of my friends when they find out I am lieing they tell me they would have liked me for who I am not all the inserting stories I told about my self. Sometime I hope for a second chance. I just need to travel somewhere new and start over sadly it’s not as easy as it sounds.
My husband lies all the time about everything, it’s amazing, he tells lies about me all the time to anyone he talks to, at work, the neighbors, strangers, then when they see him for what he is he just say they are the crazy ones and moves on to the next person.
It hurts so much that he lies about me and people have treated me badly because of his lies, tells me I’m hallucinating, says he doesn’t lie….it has driven me insane.
I also know it’s because he has no confidence in himself and thinks if he tells stories he is interesting but I can’t tolerate it 🙁
Awww i understand u sound like ur going through alot if u need anything just email me
hi
I can related to all of you too..I also suffer depression since i was teen now i am 30 I used to have alot of friends when i was younger but since half of them moved away or got married we draft apart
I would accept everyone who want to be friends and share same common and interest
I completely relate to you. I would like to be your friend as well. I am also accepting others who are alone. It would be nice if all the lonely people could get together and start a meet up. We will be our own friends. Just a thought. Even though I am going through this depression, I want to help others overcome it as well, but I don’t want them to do it alone. I am here for u if u r here for me. ☺
Yes Anna that wd b great.
Hello, this article really made me see that I am really no fun and my depression and lonliness probably scream this out loud to anyone I have tried to latch on to. I would like as well to be someone’s friend, thank you. 🙂
I was once the “heart throb” of our class. Starting from first year to third year high school. I remember when our teacher would roll call us, I don’t need to answer “present” because one of the girls will answer for me. Girls that sees me walking in the streets would shout “cutie” and they would wave on me. I get sex everyday if I wanted to. Until that cursed day… An accident happened to me, I’m not gonna tell you what exactly happened, it changed my life. The girls that once liked me now dislikes me. Whenever we cross paths they avoid eye to eye contact, as if they don’t know me at all. Even my younger sisters who looked up to me now throws painful words at me. My older brother too. There’s this time when one of them said “You should’ve just died”. Now I’m always alone. When walking on the streets some group of people would say some hurtful words, they laugh at me. All my dreams are gone, I wanted to be a model, or even enter show business, but hopeless now. So many times I tried to kill myself, but whenever I think about what my siblings said, that they want me dead, I stop. Why would I kill myself while they are so happy about it? What happened to me thought me that physical appearance is a big impact on how people will treat you. And that one of the most painful things that could happen to you is when you are once “at the top” and you fall down to nothing. If only I can go back in time. If only you can quit on a problem like what you do in videogames…
This must be so hard, I can kind of relate as without being big headed I’m told and admired as a beautiful woman but because of my personality Insecurity and problems I have people don’t hang around me as I have no confidence and let’s face it thats unattractive, so really my point is if I have the “looks” but have no friends due to hang ups, surely if you can have confidence people will draw close to you no matter what u look like as I’m sure ur a lovely person. I know it sounds cheesy but looks have got me nowhere, so it can not be all about that, chin up petal x
Hi guys, don’t really know where to begin, I guess I pretty much sounded just like the rest of you guys though…I’m 38 years old, live at home, no friends,I am bipolar, drive a 1998 car and my life sucks! I am on disability from a stroke I had when I was 19 & I’ve already tried killing myself twice, that was a real treat becuz it only landed me in the Looney bin for a stay- hey at least I had friends in that place! Or people to talk to and interact with! That’s all for now…
Im 38 and and everything you just post describes my life. Im not motivated to make new friends, and all the friends i had in the past are now married with kids. Fuck Facebook seeing your old friends with wife and kids doesnt help.
As I write this I dont even have the energy to go into my whole reasoning for being here. Im emotionally exhausted today and it all has to do with so much of what all these posts already state, wearing on me and wearing me out. I can relate. I wish I could reach out and hug everyone because I know I could use that myself sometimes. Sophie for starters- Im right there with you- Im 36/single/cant believe Im not even close to being married. Just keep ending up in the wring relationships. As an adult its harder to make friends. Acquaintences arent the same & theyre never around when you need them most.. I just lost the most amazing love of my life on top of having no friends to help get me through it. No phone calls asking caring to check up on me, ask how I am, share in activities with, etc… You all know how it is.. The tv stays on constantly just for the sound of people around or distraction from the lonliness. The most interaction I get from people is at work. I wont even start on that, like I said- Im too tired… Meetups seem to lead to dead ends… I was listening to something earlier that said “there are a lot of lonely people out there; if youre lonely find someone who’s lonely too and befriend them. Being there for someone else helps takes some of the focus off of yourself and in turn you may make a friend”. Another forum I was reading had some amazing responses to one poster, people in the same boat, offering to be her friend. (She lived across the country from me tho) I would be happy to be a friend to someone here. Only thing is how careful you have to be with info online. For now I guess, venting here is better than nothing at all. God Bless all of you. {{hugs}}
I understand you so much. I feel EXACTLY the same way.
i feel exactly like this.
in a country i wasnt born, noone here i know. my day consist of work, sleep, work sleep. compounded with a hearing disability, makes making friends doubly hard.
in so much pain, am so tired i just want to be happy
Kat,
As I read your post,I can’t help but wonder if we”suffer”from the same type of depression!My entire day,min.by min.,sounds Exactly like your,yours description of the time as it goes slowly by In your day!I Honestly haven’t Ever felt this down before!I’m not sure how to get out of this.It’s Absolutely Terrible!I take med.for depression,but it doesn’t seem to be doing me much good.I thought maybe I was having a midlife crisis of sorts,but I think it’s something else,because I still feel like a complete failure!I’m going through my2nd divorce,I have the Worlds Best Children!
Even though I’ve got the Worlds Best Children,The Only great part about their father,is them.He is & has always been a great financial supporter,other than that,he is a bipolar,alcoholic&refuses to medicate.We fought consistantly throughout our relationship,then it got to an abusive state,this was the1st marriage & the 2nd wasn’t much better,in fact it was worse because we planned to have a child only to find out he was infertile!So basically I I wasted a whole lot of my fertile years!I know that if i had a child to care for it would definetly help me to feel like I had a purpose in my life, until i get past this depression&try to get my depression under control!I Just need thehelp & the time to geT Through it!
I hear you, have had depression since late teens, am in the midst of leaving husband and feel so alone, such a failure, filled with terrible anxiety I shake and just want to hide in my bed but know I have to do something about all this as no one else can, but…I feel I just can’t do it, I feel like I am just “done” I’m not strong, try positive thinking but the next day right back to square one and so sad and can’t do anything.
I am so tired mentally, physically and have such a feeling of loneliness it hurts.
Hi
My 14 year old daughter is suffering from depression because her friends r turning against her. All of a sudden they find that she’s immature short tempered n rude… she cries for hours has lost her self esteem n feeling v lonely. She hates going to school. She doesn’t hv siblings ..finds herself to b lonely. I tried to intervene but made matters worse.
I am a housewife n hv been v close to her. She does confide in me sometimes just having emotional outbursts. As a result now I too have become depressed. My husband doesn’t do anything other than blame me. This has had a severe effect on me..I too am in depression. .have nobody to confide in..I spend hours crying. My friends have isolated me..just ignore my ms gs.
The other kids kids in my outside family r doing v well. She feels inferior to them n doesn’t confide in anyone.
Can somebody help…It could b even a few words of encouragement or advice.
I was severely bullied when I was in high school, starting around the age of 13/14. It was like all the girls I had known my entire life woke up one day and hated me. I sympathize with your daughter because at this age your friends are your world. I ended up changing high schools and that worked very well for me. Now, at 29, I’ve realized that I have carried that skepticism for any relationships with girls into my adulthood. I’m married, went to college, got a masters degree, but was and I think still remain severely jaded against having meaningful girl friends. I always think back to the beginning of high school and how I was left so high and dry by myself without a clue what to do. I don’t know if I am at a place where I can offer any advice, except to say that high school passes. Try to encourage your daughter to look outside the clique she was hanging with and don’t let her continue this mindset into her later life. That makes for a very lonely adulthood. She has time to fix things and thrive. Maybe I will let you know when I have figured out how to move past this myself. Until then being alone without close friendships can be debilitating, at least reassure her that she is definitely not alone.
My daughter is older now but I remember around your daughter’s age the kids can just turn mean and extradite one person from their crowd, it happens of course at other ages but I clearly remember 14/15. Mine would get off the bus crying, this kind of thing happens a lot unfortunately.
Soon though mine found other friends and it passed but I know as a mom you are hurting because your daughter is and your husband’s attitude isn’t helping, I say that as my husband was the same way, I’d try to talk to him and he’d walk off saying it was my fault which made no sense.
What is great for your daughter is that you are there for her, this is huge, it will pass for her I’m sure, life goes on and she will find other friend’s even though it feels like the end of the world right now.
I agree with “B” below, try to encourage your daughter to look outside these other girls and that she will feel better, wish I had better advice, I know its so hard, kids can be so cruel and she is definitely not alone, this type of thing foes on a lot, let he know that and it’s not her, there are nicer friends out there for her and to hold her head up high, big hugs….
I can relate to a lot of you feeling depressed. I was sitting here at my computer trying to get some work done, when I had this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. My jobs are pending as we speak, but I felt compelled to write. I am a single mom of 1, 36 years old with no life, and not a single friend to call. My son’s father hates me for no real reason and tries to torment me and make me feel like less of a human being for a lack of social skills. We haven’t been together since my son was 3 and he decided the single life and being a player was what he preferred. Whenever I try to reach out to old girlfriends I went to school with, they don’t seem to want to reply back or I get the occasional, ” I will give you a call, but nothing ever transpires.” I hate myself. I am depressed. I feel alone. I have no one to reach out to and i’m tired of trying to make connections, and no one seems to want to develop a friendship. I have tried the route of reaching out and being a good friend, listening etc., but no one is receptive to it. I’m very worried about what type of example I am setting for my son by being a loner and having no friends at all.
I feel for you. Except for the husband part I can understand how you feel. Actually, the husband/ex part too, to a degree. People can really suck. Its so incredibly hurtful. Hang in there.
Hi if u ever need to talk or have fb I’m here I’m going thru a lot as well and we seem to be very close in age as I am 40 years old with 2 sons, I hope you get this message (God bless) my stories coming soon on here…….
My husband and I moved out of state in 2003 after he had to go out on Disability. He was 46, I was 37. Our first year in the new state and area was aflutter with meeting our neighbors, checking out our new town and for that year and a half all seemed to be a new life for us. We took the plunge and left everything behind after we could not afford to live in our home state.
I have been clinically Bipolar since the age of 22 also with PTSD and OCD. I did volunteer work for animal shelters for 20 years hands on and for awhile there I did think we had a pretty good life despite being on a fixed income at a younger age and my getting turned down for SSDI three times.
The past eight years have been the worst in my life. My stepfather passed away from cancer in 2006 and since then it has been downhill. Sickness, death, the shelter closing and our own health issues hit us one right after another like a domino effect.
I now am seriously physically disabled as well as suffering the worst isolation and loneliness I have ever felt in my life. Back in our home state we had so many friends, all the amenities and so much to do. Even though my husband worked 2nd shift for the first 13 years of our marriage, I managed to keep myself busy and do things on the side to fill a void for his absence.
Now, twelve (12) years later we are at a dead end with no friends, no social life, no family and I am the saddest I have ever been. Despair doesn’t even come close to the way I feel waking up every day with chronic pain, other disabilities and dealing with depression and the Bipolar.
The feeling is so lonely -like I am in a bubble and the rest of the world is going on around me. I can’t seem to get back to where I was. I was also clinically diagnosed with adrenal burnout from care taking all these years and my Mother is now in skilled nursing. I find I have no hope and no light at the end of the tunnel.
My husband and I are now constantly at each others’ throats and although I have been to counseling and see my psychiatrist – he procrastinates and sits alone having a pity party. I have never felt sorry for myself and still don’t, but I don’t know what to do anymore. Like the original article mentioned, I want to get back to having a life and yet I isolate and push it away. I don’t return phone calls, turn my chat off on FB and sometimes hide away for a week or two at a time.
My home which used to serve as my refuge has now become like a prison. I hate looking at it everyday and told my husband I want to get out of here and move to a place where we are around people in a 55 plus community with activities. He gets angry and is reluctant to move even though he knows that things probably won’t get any better. He worked all his life and loves this house, although to me I’d chuck it all in a minute to be happy – to have something to get up for. I can’t work, can’t collect SSDI and I feel like I am just existing. I can literally know what every day is going to be like.
There are some groups here -very few and due to the pain and upcoming procedure for my neck I really did want to go and see if I could meet people who understood what I’m going through – I know there are many – and many lonely people who have it worse than I do. I see them all the time on Facebook and many have told me that social media has replaced “face to face” friendships. I like my friends on Facebook, but they are all out of state and the chance of our getting together to meet is slim to none. I miss the interaction and even to have someone over for coffee or to watch a movie.
I’m not a materialistic person and even sitting on a park bench or in the yard would be okay for me as long as it lifted me out of the doldrums and I could get out from under this horrible black cloud that seems like it will never go away. I have thought about suicide, never planned it or attempted it, but I can see how people do. Never in my life have I felt so hopeless, so full of despair and beaten down to the point of where I can’t seem to pick up the pieces anymore.
Does anyone have any suggestions or resources? Any feedback I would truly be grateful for, because to think of living the rest of my life this way is almost more than I can handle.
Prayers and all good wishes, healing and light to everyone going through the same or worse…my heart is with all of you…
I understand how you feel. Neck pain is the absolute worst thing a person could ever deal with. I’m not sure if things will get better as I am in a similar situation in regards to the depression and neck pain, but the brighter side is that at least you have someone there. I am all alone with no one to turn to. I’ve never had friends and my pain has exasperated my depression so I would kill to just have a body there. I hope I don’t make you feel guilt. I hope this gives you a little light and gives you a little bit of solace to know you have your husband.
As I was telling the other lady its people out here going thru the same thing and plp don’t understand…..(lovelightandblessings) #samesituation
Hi, hope you are okay, I totally understand everything you’re saying, yes neck pain is beyond terrible, I had a car accident and live with chronic pain which does not help the loneliness, sadness etc. I also have depression, PTSD etc. I tremble and shake inside and get flashbacks.
I’m trying to leave an awful husband and fight everyday to feel better, some days are so bad and all I do is hide in this house and sob.
You are not alone, hugs…
Iv read some of the above posts and i think i can really relate to them .Im 19 years old and iv been diagnosoed with MDD .Iv been like thins for as long as i can remember . When i was in school my best friend turned into my worst enemy .I know i made some mistakes and i wasnt the most fun person to hang out with.I remember i wouldnever be able to laugh at things other people thought were really funny.I just wasnt in a state where i could just let go and laugh.I became increasingly more and more quiet.I made another friend who was considered the most quiet kid in my grade .She had her own situation to deal wih but i think our personalities are a little too different to ever actually be best of friends.I was a target for bullies in high school .During my 11th and 12th grade i can honestly say that i dint have a single friend. i ate lunch alone .It was a really bad time.I think ii was at my worse then . I messed up big time and dint get into the college of my choice.There was a lot of pressure and workload and i just couldnt dealwith it. During my first year in college i just wanted to work hard and get good marks and surprising i did actually do it. But things changed this year ,i made two friends during my first year(lets call them M and P) the rest of my class thought and some still think im a looser and a geek. This year things started changing M wanted to become popular and she started desperately trying to hang out with the cool kids and P also found certain things in common with them.The situation was really complicated and i tried hard and finally became friends with those kids as well .P started looking at me like i was the looser who hung on to yhem so i did the only thing i could think of i started hanging out with others from the gang ,i think our relationship is very strained right now .we are civil to each other and pretend like there is no problem between us but i know there is a lot of enmity .M started to recently make fun of me and is mean to me.So bacically im back to where i started from i dont really have any friend at all iv lost the ones i had.I just wish ii was more stable and not depressed all the time and i wish the people around me werenot so bitchy and i wish i could have normal conversations without getting awkward ,I really wish my situation was a different.Even my scores are really low this time and i have my finals this month I dont know shit if my scores are low again Im not sure I could get into a good college for my masters .I wonder how some people seem to have it all ,How are they able to manage people aound them so well?? i dont know what to do i think im going to just keep myself apart for some time give them some space and just home i can make things better again.I dont kow what else to do
iv’e had depression and social anxiety for as long as i can remember. i’m 31 now, and the older i get the more desperate i am feeling to sort this out, but it feels like i have left it for so long to get out and meet people, that my social skills are undeveloped compared to other people around me of all ages.
I used to live a life of low level street crime and hung around with unsavoury characters since i left school. they were the only ‘friends’ i had that i could feel comfortable with. friends like that stab you in the back. you find out eventually that when push comes to shove, every man is for himself.
my exit out of that lifestyle happened when i met my ex girlfriend. my first real long term girlfriend. i was about 22 at the time. she had issues of her own, and a drink problem. it was an on and off relationship over about 8 years. by the time i finally walked out on her for the last time, i had no friends left. and i had to move back into my parents….
i never thought i’d feel so old and lonely and without a pot to p*ss in at this age (31)
i see young couples around me starting families and buying houses with their qualifications and well paid jobs etc, their faces fresh and optimistic and i feel its all too late for me. i took time and opportunity for granted.
too awkward now to meet girls or make friends.
i know i can improve my situation if i really put the effort in. iv’e survived so many things. but socializing/dating is the scariest thing of all to me.
its no problem when im at work, because i’m playing a role like all the other ants. but outside of work i feel like i’m lacking an identity.
i’d like to blame my parents for not kicking my ass enough, and my dad for being partly disabled. he doesnt act like a real man about it. just a pussy who makes excuses. no inspiration or strong father figure in my family. he never taught me to get off my ass and go talk to girls, or to get my homework done, or go to college etc. maybe i’m the one making excuses? i just feel i could have done with more guidance, rather than unconditional love from them. i was always ashamed and embarassed of my parents, who were both older than the average parents for my age, and was reluctant to take friends home when i was younger, and i still feel a bit of that embarrassment to this day! not due to age, just the way they are. talk about issues… but i do love them still.
anyway. that’s my depressing life story i had to share. as with anyone’s story there is so much more, but there’s no need for me to put others through it. if anyone could relate it would be nice, but definitely not expected!
thank you and best wishes.
Your not alone, i feel so much the same way in a lot of what you’ve said. Even tho our life stories are very different, we all walk a different walks in life, and I’m learning to not worry so much of what happend in the past but try and make today and the next better because life really is too short for regrets!
Hi Tim my life is similar to yours, I never had enough Dad and Son interaction as in him showing me how to handle things though he is a very good man. My Mum also mollycoddled me so much I was treated in large part like a little girl.
Thankfully I am straight but my confidence wains as I’m had many health issues and temp jobs so the friends I ‘almost made’ in those jobs are long lost.
I lost my girlfriend of nearly 6 years in Nov 2015 and had to move back in with parents and am still here fighting health probs with no job since 2014.
I went to a new age spiritual type group thing where I met 3 cool girls only to find they’re not so cool as they know about my situation. Having been invited to email and contact them they do not reply so again more shallow women who once they know you have little money and no place of your own disown you!
If you wish to email I’d be cool with that. If it makes you feel any better…I am now 54, and no-one calls here so much that I let my nice Sony cell phone plan be cancelled.
Every day and every weekend is virtually the same,nobody calls to ask how I’m doing ,I even got off facebook, same reason.
Reading all of these stories make me feel a little relieved, but this is only because i know I’m not alone in this mess of a life i have. Hey, I’m Leon and I’m 18 years old. I just started college this past fall hoping i could start from scratch from the horrible end i had to high school. I’d say its been about 9 months now since i actually had a “real friend” or something of that sort. Since then I’ve been cooped up in my room pretty much everyday. I only exit my room to go to classes or to go to the gym really. I’m not sure how to break my everyday cycle at this point. I’m not antisocial or anything like that I’ve just not been able to make a friend or anything farther than that of an acquaintance in a really long time. I just don’t know how to anymore. The worst part is most of the time i don’t feel sad about it like i should. I don’t really feel much of anything anymore these days. But sometimes i just get these spurts of overwhelming despair that bring me to tears and i keep telling myself that that will be the last time but its not and i don’t think it will be for a long time, a very long time. I usually don’t post things like this on any type of forum because the usual response is “Oh, but you’re so young you’ll be fine.” The thing is that’s an absolute lie. I won’t be fine. I’m not fine. I’m terrible and I’m only getting worse. I feel as if I’m wasting my youth away in my room while everyone else lives their lives and have all the fun in the world as they should and it kills me. It feels as if I am wasting a perfectly good life someone else would’ve had in my place. It’s not that i hate myself in fact i like everything about me except the fact that i live such a useless, dull, and disgraceful existence. I don’t really have anybody at all. Of course I’ve never really been that important to anyone all my life. I’ve always been the extra and i don’t think that will change no matter what i do. I can’t say I’m not to blame though either. I’m positive the depression pushes me away from people and i just assume there’s no point. I do try, but it seems as though no one is even remotely interested. I don’t know what i did to get my life to this low point, but i don’t see myself being happy. I just can’t. I think if anyone came up to me and asked to be my friend i would freeze and not know how to react. At this point I think I’m destined for loneliness and depression. I guess I’m just one of the unlucky ones ya’know? That what i’d like to think anyway. I just hope it ends soon, somehow.
Don’t worry. I am in the same situation. Well I am 17, a senior in high school, but I totally get what you are saying. It frikken sucks!! Like I am constantly wondering to myself like why, I have such a useless life and dont do anything.
Different from you, I was diagnosed with a TBI in 2012, so as a 14 year old. I try my hardest to blend in with everyone, so you can’t notice tht I am diagnosed. And damm can I say I think I do a good job at it. ITs just socially challenging now. Like you said, both of us have a daily routine and it really gets boring now days, and we both want to change it. But how?!?!?!
Like same with me, if someone came up to me and asked to be my friend IDK what I would do. I think that I would just freeze. Like I will try to be there friend I think, but I dont want to fall in the wrong group of ppl especially.
Theres the geeks and the cool people. But then with the geeks there is a really good successful education and life, but the with the cool people there is drugs and consequences. (I mean that as examples, not all geeks and cool people are like tht).
But I know one thing that has caused my depression/looniness is I will admit that I have a trusting issue, Like who can I trust with all of this and what not.
Also I dont post stuff normally like you, but your comment was really touching and I so related to it. I just really hope life gets better as you grow up.
(: DUCES \m/ from Hawaii ALOHA
Wow. To start i should say i apologize for being to late in responding to your reply it was put in my spam folder :/. Aside from that though thank you for taking the time to respond. Since i posted this I’ve slightly improved my situation though not by much. Even though its a month later this makes me kind of happy to know there are others with graver situations than i who are able to stay so strong. If you’re strong enough to keep going then i feel i can be as well. Again thanks for replying i really appreciate it :-D.
im 19 and i literally feel the EXACT same as you. only probably even worser off because im not attending college right now, and i feel like i barely know how to talk to people anymore. i just feel like a waste of space. its been about 9 months of this for me too actually, but now its really started to hit me, i just feel depressed like every smile is fake, and i did have friends, but ive been so ashamed of myself for the state im in, ive just blocked off contact to friends cuz i dont want judgment of people saying im lazy, and a waste of talent and such. im not lazy im just so driven by fear and i dont even know why. and i have one friend (weve been friends for 15 years) that was in the same situation as me, but she got a job recently and has been climbing her way out of the hole, and just seems like shed rather hangout with her other friend who has big groups of friends who can further help her out of the hole, rather waste time with someone like me whos depressed and still trapped. which i can understand, but it still hurts…but i know that its always darkest before the dawn, i know that things will get better somehow. so all i can say, in this time we’re in, is never lose hope, things will turn around, just keep fighting through. way i see it, even if you may see these times (or maybe even yourself altogether) as useless and a waste, its really not true, because you need to go through pain and hard times to be able to grow stronger and deeper, and more understanding of what others go through, so that once you get out of it, you can be the light that gives others hope in their times of darkness. everybody has their own demons; goes through there own struggles, its just a part of being alive, so just keep pushing forward.
Hey Christy, i’m sorry I’m late on replying i had not looked at my spam folder in a while and that is where the replies were. You have no idea how much these responses mean to me. They honestly lifted me up a bit. I’ve tried to change a few things and im trying to catch up with some old friends. Hopefully that gets me out of the rut. The weather is also getting really nice so some time outside will clear my head a bit. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I can’t say i understand it cause I’ve never had a friend for as long as you have. I do wish you the best of luck and i really hope thing’s go well for you. It’s pretty insane how the nicest of people end up in the worst of situation, eh? But If you’re going to continue fighting, then so am i! Hopefully there are only great things to come in our futures. Thanks again for taking your time to do this and tell me your story. Idk if it means much but you’ve definitely lifted my spirits! :]
I have no one. When I met my ex I was a student. but recession happened and I lost everything, can’t find another job and I can’t continue school.
He left me too, and people told me to get a job, I applied only rejections made me more deeper into depression. How ironic.
I don’t have any friends! none. And the so called friends I have in high school don’t like me because I’m too negative, going to school was the reason for me to have a life, to make me feel free and happy and when I cannot continue anymore and no one will hire me I just felt that they are all against me and I should just end my life.
It sucks so much, I’m struggling to meet new people in town because I’m afraid they’ll see how badly I look and they will get repugnant of my views of life.
The truth, I’m broken and I don’t want people to see me like this, but when I’m alone doing my own thing, having a wonderful time by myself I don’t really care what people think. But sometimes I just wish I have a best friend that will stay by my side even if she see how sad my eyes are.
No one likes to be around sad person like me.
That’s why I’m a recluse loner with depression.
I hate this.
It’s a vicious cycle, trying to make friends only to be so concerned about what they might think about you, which is usually a result of not having friends to begin with. Just remember this truth; nobody will know you as you know you. Unless there’s somebody in your life you can trust without question, you must be your own best friend. Ask yourself, what advice would you give yourself if you weren’t you? Like you I had to drop out of school, couldn’t find a job, I resorted to selling weed because I thought it would be a good way to meet people and provide some income at the same time. My best friend of 10 years got me arrested/ratted me out. You never know when you’re going to be abandoned/backstabbed by somebody, and it’s worst when you think you can trust them completely. If you don’t let anyone get close to you, they can’t hurt you. Don’t give up. Don’t focus on things you have no power to change. Just be yourself, and hey, sometimes 2 broken souls can come together and make something beautiful. The world is a beautiful place, it’s just the people who live on it who suck.
It is so disheartening to read these stories, but at the same time I see that I am not the only one who feels like this. I too am alone. I think at this stage I have given up on people. I am tired of trying to make friends. There are times in which I think I have overcome loneliness, but after a while it comes back and I feel so sad about it. I don’t know why but all my friendships have been temporary, all have disappeared with time. I do have one good friend, but she lives in another country, last year I only got to see her for one day. We keep in touch regularly, but you can only do so much when you live in separate continents thousands of miles away from each other. I hate my job. At the same time I feel so down and depressed that I am unable to look for another job. I work in a low paid hospitality job that pushes me down more into my depression as time progresses. However I cannot quit it. Without money I would not be able to pay rent. I cannot afford a place for myself so I have to share an apartment. My housemates are good people, but not friend material. Our relationship is cordial, but we are just housemates, nothing else. I would say work is what affects me the most. I have stopped talking to people I knew because I do not want them to know about my job. I wonder what went wrong, where I screwed up, why a guy with an academic education, a degree and skills cannot get a decent paid job like anyone else his age. I am about to turn 34 and I am so lost. Sometimes I feel like giving up and just wait. I haven’t looked for a job for so long, but then when I do it really is disheartening to read all those rejections, requirements, it makes me feel worthless. Then people with fewer skills than me get better-paid jobs; have friends, girlfriends, etc.
I do go out sometimes (rarely though), with people from work, they are all younger than me, they are all doing that job while they go through uni so that they don’t have to do that in the future, like me. I am not sure what they think of me. I do a good job of hiding all this.
I do have some ‘friends’, people I see once in a while for a drink or a chat, but nothing else comes out of that. They are all busy or doing things on the weekend with other people more important than me I guess, and when they give me the chance of meeting with them I never mention depression or problems, we talk about other things. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone else who is depressed, who can understand me. Like I have said previously, all of my friendships have expired after a few years, generally no more than three. Either they move or they don’t answer my messages anymore. I moved to this country about 10 years ago. I already had depression from my home country, but I needed to escape from life and an abusive father (with whom I have patched things up since although since he is so far away he is of no help to me and is unaware of my situation, I am too embarrassed to tell him the truth). I have a few remaining friends from back then, but I barely keep in touch with them, also embarrassed of telling them the truth about my situation. Living on the other side of the world affects friendships. My mother lives in the same city I do, however I tend not to see her, she’s selfish, has an acid tongue and has done me a lot of harm. Other than her I have no other relatives in this country or any brothers or sisters.
On weekends I feel so tired I’ll just be in bed and I’ll only get up to use the toilet or to munch on something to get rid of the hunger because I feel even unable to cook something. In the meanwhile I am putting on weight and getting unfit. I used to go to the gym but I stopped because it all became too much, I had no energy left. Weekends are depressing, I will just stay in bed with the computer, I avoid going out because seeing the streets full of people being happy inside the cafes and the restaurants depresses me even more. Apart from that I have no one to go anywhere with. The only good thing about the weekend is that I am not at work. I don’t know what to do, I know that I hate the place where I am working, but I feel unable to look for another job. The worst thing is that as I get older and time passes it will be even more difficult to get a decent job. I never thought my life was going to be like this. If only I had a job that I could barely enjoy and paid me more so that I could get my own place. I am not even asking for friends. I just want to be alone so that I can ‘enjoy’ loneliness if that is possible. I know I sound contradictory, but in my current situation privacy is a luxury. Whether at home or at work people constantly surround me. It is ironic that I am so alone yet always surrounded by people. I think I would definitely cope better with my situation if I could just live by myself, but I can’t even get that. That is my story. At least I am glad some people will understand how I feel. I have seen three psychologists over the last years, I have also tried medication, three different types. It always ends up being me the one who has to do things, the one who has to change. I feel powerless and fatigued, as if everything seemed a big effort. I don’t know where my life is going and everyday feels as if I could not stand it any longer, yet I keep doing the same thing day after day. Thanks for giving me the chance to tell me story.
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/19/10-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-lost-and-alone/
Hope this can help
That was awesome@@@@@!! Thanks so much jess
I too have had it tough, and i am feeling more empty i was always keen on finding a girlfriend from a young age 17 i got depressed after walk out of a job, wasnt till i was 22 that i came out of it but still STRESS i found a job cleaning toilets, part time minimum wage, i did until it 24 even though i am out of the depression i am 25 now still no friends or girlfriend never achieved anything in school and i jst feel like i am getting older and i hope i can be happy never once did i get help and when i was depressed you gotta remember all the other problems life throws at you, deaths bearvements poverty, now i work full time cleaning its i was a boxer when i was young lad and my depression kicked all the confidence and go out of me i gain weight and lost my hair, sat around the house for years life is too short and not very exciting, the good thing is i have no fear of dying but i hate my personalilty and who i am.
Myself here been very very depressed , im looking for way out…. Out from this madness , all its symptoms been through it before , betrayal, loss, lonely , feeling no purpose and even suicide
The only thing we have in common is one word “friend”
The thing that i never understand how it works..
Ive tried many things to get it and still nothing works… I know it must be me whose wrong because community been that way since long time , me who cant adapt to something that made them away from me
I just want to be accepted but it seems very hard
But that difference makes me thinking different than them , i feel like i understand better than they are idk if it true or just an ego but it does help me through life
What im trying to say is we may not have friends or social like them but we may have something invaluable to fill gap and make it worth while
Same here. 29 and have seen so many funerals. Not wedding even once. Before 2006 we had 5 graves to tend to. After 2013 I alone have 10 graves. Cancers, strokes, pneumonias. No family, no wife, no gf, no life. Dead end job with 400 euros a month. Attending university while living in dorm. Un homme qui dort.
Hi. I’m 26 years old, going on 27 this year. I never thought I would still be this way. I’ve been reading everyone’s comments just crying my eyes out. There’s so much pain and I wish I could take it away from everyone and myself. I haven’t really allowed myself to truly cry in a long time. I got used to numbing myself and slowly destroying my soul and personality, year after year of isolation. I’ve never been the type to seek out friends and I never learned to change it. I remember in middle school my group of “friends” would laugh and call me shadow(when they did acknowledge me) because I just silently followed them around and would only speak when spoken to. I felt I didn’t deserve anything from anyone. My mom was always very dramatic, inconsistent and critical when I was growing up so maybe that made me who I am. She had her own reasons to be depressed. My dad was never around because he spent time working and traveling. I don’t know. I don’t want to blame anyone for who I am today… The past can’t change. Anyways, I would always wait for people to approach me first. Maybe I have always felt unworthy of anyone’s time or attention. Eventually, people stopped trying to talk to me when I was so closed off even after repeated times of the same person coming up and trying to talk to me. Any normal person would give up. But the rejection is so hard… and I hate myself for not being able to open up before they go away. Now I have become so good at isolating that most people tend to leave me alone or they get the hint after one interaction with me. There’s relief in that I don’t have to face rejection but then I start feeling like I don’t exist. And I just desperately wish someone would want to talk to me. I want to be treated like a person and be seen. I wish someone could enjoy my presence and I could enjoy theirs. It just reinforces my feelings that I’m not worth being friends with. I’m unlikable and any healthy person can see that and stays away. I feel like everyone is better off without me. I would just bring them down or they could turn into someone like me. I have nothing good to offer anyone. I feel like the past several years I’ve been nonexistent. A ghost, just watching everyone around me smile, laugh and live their lives while I’m safe and miserable behind my walls. I think I died a long time ago. And that’s why I was also crying so much after reading all the posts. I realized how dead I am and how much I’ve missed out on. I finally let myself feel the pain and cry. I’ve worked 3 full-time jobs since I graduated college in 2012. Somehow I’ve made it in that aspect and I live independently but I still never let anyone in the ENTIRE time. It’s like when I’m around people I take on this fake personality. I become so agreeable and submissive just to please anyone around me. But it kills me. It’s not me! It’s who everyone thinks I am, and when the real me slips up on rare occasions– when I say something assertively in a playful manner, when I tease people back in good humor– people don’t realize I’m just being playful… And that really hurts because I would never do anything or say anything to purposefully hurt anyone. And it hurts even more because they are rejecting the real me. They’re so used to the super polite, sweet girl with the stoic expression that they can’t understand or accept the real me. The real me that likes to be playful with others and be carefree. I’ve conditioned them to not accept me because the fake me is usually so consistent and different from my real self. I haven’t had a close female friend since the end of high school when my best friend showed her true colors and continued to show in different ways she didn’t care about me at all. I assumed because I cared about her well-being as my best friend that she felt the same way. But she didn’t… After that I went to college and my first boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me and so I was then left isolated at this college in a different city. All my college years went by in isolation. I went to class and came home. I thought of suicide several times and overdosed on pills a few times to experiment with it but no one knew. I had been cutting myself since middle school and started doing that again. I got into a couple long distance relationships with guys I met online, whoever made me feel comfortable to be myself. My last serious relationship was another guy I met online, moved in with me, and he eventually became emotionally and physically abusive, starting fights every day accusing me of things, cheating on me, molested me on camera while I was passed out after he gave me drink after drink(only for me to find out it happened 6 months later when I was using his laptop), then when I was in the process of breaking up with him he replaced me within a couple days of finding that stuff on his laptop, and had the new girl move in. He used me and threw me away. I developed panic attacks and nightmares for several months after it all. On top of that, one of my friend’s who I made through volunteering with hospice died and I hated myself even more for isolating myself from her when I was still with my ex. I decided my ex was the last person I was stupid enough to put all of my trust into. Before I met him I felt more comfortable around guys than women but now I’m equally or more uncomfortable around men. I’m scared of them targeting me, manipulating me, then ruining my life for awhile and breaking me again like he did. So now I equally push men and women away. I’m sorry for the melodramatic novel =/ I’ve been alone for so long it’s easy for me to just put the focus on me and feel sorry for myself. I even work for a crisis hotline yet here I am with my own issues. It somewhat helps to take the focus off my self and help other people by empathizing with their pain, but at this point even that doesn’t help take the focus off me very long. There’s nothing else to do or think about other than my own thoughts because I have no life. I can’t bring myself to do hobbies or feel any kind of pleasure from anything. I’ve taken various prescriptions and herbal supplements for my depression but so far no luck… I have ADD too so I’ve always felt like a failure and that I can’t measure up to anyone else. I feel like I’ve done it all at this point other than face my fear and approach people repeatedly and risk the rejection and pain. Each day that goes by is a reminder of my wasted life and how if I continue going this way it will never change. I can’t stand that reality but I don’t want to face my fears and really prove to myself that I really am that piece of shit to everyone. I can’t stand myself and I’m not surprised if any of you can’t stand me either. I just wish, so fucking bad, I could connect with people and build memories and share things together like normal people do. I want to have a female friend and be a normal girl. I want to find the love of my life and show how loving I can really be. I want to meet people and hear their stories and learn from them. I want to grow and live to my potential. Live the life that is real or me. This isn’t it… I have had dreams of another version of myself coming to me and holding me, hugging me, and I wake up feeling so happy and relieved. Just that feeling of being completely loved, accepted and whole. But it’s just a dream… I know the key is to learn to love myself and that’s how I can save myself from this nightmare. But I don’t understand how to change how I feel. I’ve tried… How can I socialize with other people when this feeling of hatred and shame is always there? Maybe I just need to face it and if I get positive reactions I’ll learn that I can be liked and valued. I hope at least one of us here can find a way out of this misery. Thank you for listening. I love you all.
I can really relate to a lot of what I’ve read here. I’m 49 years old and have never really had what I would consider a close friendship. Casual acquaintances yes, but not close friendships. I think this is mainly due to deep seated feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness and trust issues stemming from childhood. I am naturally a shy person – it has always taken me a little time to warm up to new people. I grew up until age 11 with my parents constantly bickering and fighting. In those years I tried to keep peace by being the “good girl” and never causing any trouble. I basically tried to be invisible and “go away” to fantasy scenarios that I made up in my mind as much as possible to avoid all the tension and fighting and not “rock the boat”. Then when I started junior high school my mother left to another state with a married man and left me and my younger sister with my father, nearly penniless. We lived in a small, conservative town where divorce was still a rarity so of course at school I became “that girl” and was the object of gossip and snide remarks about me being “easy” and a “slut” because my mother was. The only way to get through it was to stay quiet and ignore it as much as possible until it settled down over time. By then I was used to keeping everything to myself and trying to be invisible. To this day I will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation and strife. As I got older I added fuel to the fire by seeing boys that were a few years older than me and becoming sexually active at a young age. I’m sure I only did that as a way of seeking attention and affection. Of course it had the opposite affect and made me feel worse about myself. I did have a small group of the same 4 or 5 girlfriends throughout high school – mostly because we were the social outcasts so we had something to bond over. We all went our separate ways after graduation and did not stay in touch. When I went away to college I did have a roommate that I was close friends with but we drifted apart after I left school to take a job and she stayed in school. Since then I’ve had casual friendships with co-workers and neighbors, but none that lasted beyond when I left that job or moved. When I married my husband had a core group of male friends and I really tried to be friendly toward their wives and girlfriends. They all grew up together in the same small town, went to the same school and knew each other all their lives. I was from another state (a “yankee”). Also, they all had small children and I did not. They found it strange that I did not want children and so I was never really one of their group. They were polite but distant. I just sat quietly on the fringes and listened to them talk about people and events that for the most part I did not know about. In truth I probably could have tried harder but found that I didn’t have much in common with them. I also do not have good family relationships. I love my father very much but he remarried a younger woman shortly after he and my mother divorced. She had young children that he has raised as his own. They are a close and loving family and one that, through the course of time and distance, I am not a part of. He and his family live several states away and I have not physically seen him since my wedding 22 years ago. We speak on the phone on holidays but it is stunted, polite and awkward. I have a difficult relationship with my mother. Right now we can barely be civil due to her completely narcissistic and self-absorbed nature and non-stop drama brought on my her own poor life choices and my refusal to enable her or support her poor choices anymore. The only time I hear anything from her at all is when she needs something from me, and then she won’t just come out and ask for what she wants – she is deceitful and manipulative about it. If I confront her about it she gets defensive and hostile and cuts off communication completely, which in truth is more peaceful. She refuses to take responsibility for her own life and can not see why I don’t feel it’s not my duty to financially support her. She has not worked in years, depended on my step father to work himself to death supporting her, never saved, never bought life insurance and always lived far beyond her means and in debt. Now that my stepfather has passed on she resents that neither my sister or I will clean up her mess or financially support her. She is healthy and well capable of holding down some type of job but refuses to. At one time I was close with my younger sister who has always lived near me until 2 years ago. Then her husband decided he didn’t want to work or take care of the house or yard anymore (even though they are nowhere near retirement age) so he convinced her to sell their home and all their possession and live in an RV that they drive from place to place around the country every few days. She is never around anymore and our relationship has become limited to a short text message or two a week and always about the latest and greatest adventure she and her husband are having, never about anything that’s going on in my life. I have two grown nephews that have lives and families of their own and seemingly no interest in being involved in my life. I am in a long term marriage that I’m sure a lot of people would consider dysfunctional. I do love my husband and I know he does love me in his way. He has a lot of good qualities. He is faithful, has always held a job and can be kind and funny when he wants to be. He tries in his way to make me happy but doesn’t have any real understanding of what that entails no matter how many times I try to explain it. He is not willing to compromise on anything that is outside of his comfort zone. He’ll say he will, but when the time comes he won’t. I feel I can’t really depend on him – he can’t handle stress at all, is a borderline alcoholic (which he won’t admit) and is very needy and dependent on me. He needs constant reassurance and acknowledgement of every little thing he does, yet he is very quick to judge and criticize many things I do, saying that he “is trying to make me do better”. I have to handle all of the finances, bills, banking, paperwork, arranging home repairs, etc. In his mind all he should have to do is go to work every day and come home and that’s enough. He will help some with household chores. Beyond that all he wants to do is sit in his “man cave” (the garage) and drink beer or watch television. We do literally nothing together on weekends other than go to the grocery store or WalMart. We rarely go out to eat. We’ve been to 2 movies in the past year. If I try to make plans for us to do something he doesn’t want to go and makes one excuse after another why we shouldn’t (he’s tired from working, it’s too much money, it’s too far to drive, etc.). He absolutely refuses to go to anything that involves driving more than 30 minutes or involves any kind of crowd – he’s completely freaked out by highway driving and by crowds. He has an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that he will not admit to or get therapy or medication for because he would have to quit self-medicating with alcohol, which he’s not willing to do. He’s not a hard core stumbling drunk, but he does drink a six pack of beer (sometimes more) daily and can turn verbally nasty to me unprovoked when he’s been drinking, like he just wants to pick a fight with me to vent all his pent up anger. For some reason unknown to me he is nearly always angry simmering just below the surface and I’m his target of choice. If I defend myself against his verbal attacks he acts like I’m the instigator and it’s my fault that we argue. He’s also very anti-social and readily admits that he wants nothing to do with meeting new people or socializing much. He wasn’t like that when we married – I don’t know what’s happened over the years but he’s becoming more and more introverted. I’ve suggested that we join a social club or take a class together. He has no problem with me doing that but he wants no part of it and he doesn’t understand why I don’t think it’s fair of him to expect me to do everything alone. I feel like if he cared that much about my happiness he would be willing to put himself out a little more. I really would like to develop a circle of mutual friends, even if it’s just a few. I know that a big part of my depression is being socially isolated and unresolved issues with my dysfunctional family. I can’t change the family part but I want to do something about the social isolation. I feel that I am for the most part a good and attentive listener, a caring and kindhearted person, a good conversationalist and can be funny and charming when I’m in the right mindset. I do struggle daily with what I’m pretty sure is undiagnosed clinical depression and an anxiety disorder that often paralyzes me into taking no action at all rather than taking action and being rejected or making a mistake that I’ll be berated for and beat myself up over. Anyway, that is the end of my rant and feeling sorry for myself today. I know there are lots of people in the world with real problems that aren’t in their heads like mine are and I should be grateful for the blessings I have. I’m working on that – it’s just hard for me to get there sometimes. Thanks for listening. It’s nice to have an anonymous, non-judgmental outlet. I wish you all peace of mind and the knowledge that you are not alone in your struggle and there are people out there who care.
Hi,my username is :Peabody’s Cow. . Not quite certain how I came by the name but it keeps me safe. I got all turned around and set my clocks on Friday,then I realized Saturday @2am was the proper time. Since,a few years ago when I had a near death experience, I decided I wanted to change my life to be more positive. Every year, I hope someone will invite me to a holiday meal but it doesn’t occur so I decided to look online to find if there were others as myself, alone,no family all my friends have died and I can’t call much of what I’ve seen today as friends. I’ve never heard of having to pay someone to be friends. I’m retired US Army;Vietnam Era. My neighbors think I’m strange but unfortunately I’ve had some orthopaedic injuries that weren’t treated,still causes me to have difficulty getting around. It seems easier for ppl to assume and spread rumors than to simply ask me straight up what they want to know. I joined a church hoping for fellowship, I was told the church closed during the holiday season,so I got the impression I wasn’t welcome. I don’t believe I can survive another year alone during Thanksgiving & Christmas seasons. Because all my friends have died, I have no one to visit with. I’m looking for some simple acquaintances to just do what old folk do.I’m 67 ,my body says its 80 & my brain says I’m 24 so I have lots of things I like to do but some activities you need company. I like to shoot pool,paint,crochet,I have 2small puppies dogs and I’m a kind person. Sometimes I get annoyed by the hurtful attitude from my neighbors. I’ve lived here0 33years and not many of my neighbors have ever shared a meal with me. It feels as though the neighborhood needed a scapegoat and they saw me before I saw them. It truly saddens me if I knew what I had done to any of the ppl for them to be so unkind,I would amend the behavior. I love cooking for ppl but when I got sick, in hospital, no one did a thing while away or when home to offer help. I’m a Christian and I’m a firm believer in loving ppl and showing gods love through our actions. The best sermon is the one that needs no words,simply daily walking the love of Jesus. I don’t believe in Bible thumping ppl already know what they need to change, the role for me is to meet them where they are,roll up my sleeves and offer to help however possible. I’m not tired of living alone,I am simply wanting someone to interact with.