Looking Out for Life

Some Rights Reserved by macropoulos at Flickr When I was growing up, no one ever talked about depression. I didn’t know what it was, and the moods I went through didn’t get much reaction from my parents. Yet I spent a lot of time isolating myself, not feeling like playing with my friends or going anywhere, not interested in much of anything. I went through many spells of anxiety as […] Read the rest»

Brief Dreams of Recovery – 2

In this dream, I heard myself saying: I am waking up out of the earth. I wasn’t at all sure what that meant. Was it supposed to be some mythic arising, or was it just another way of seeing myself as so much dirt? Then I realized I’d been sleeping outside – in the ground. I couldn’t tell how deeply I had been buried, but it seemed quite natural to […] Read the rest»

Brief Dreams of Recovery – 1

Dreams are what they are, and I won’t try to explain them in rational or symbolic terms. The feeling of this one was all good. It came as recovery was at last getting to be the real thing. After a long and baffling night I was running back to my hotel room. I was feeling fine but realized as I went inside the hotel that I wasn’t at all sure […] Read the rest»

Doubt is Depression’s Last Stand

It’s been one thing to get depression out of my life. It’s been another to get it out of my memory. Still holding on, it keeps playing tricks with the past. Vivid memories of old words and actions while depressed can still torture and twist through me, never flatter. Of course, the events I recall were never experienced in this self-centered way by anyone else who’d been part of what […] Read the rest»