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Merely Me wrote a wonderful post on the importance of bringing play back into everyday life. It is the forgotten tonic among adults in general and depressed adults in particular. She paints a vivid scene of a group therapy session where she coaxed recovering addicts into playing rather than talking about themselves. Some brought in precious toys they’d probably had for years, and everyone got immersed in their games. It sounded like they felt the release of a long-buried instinct – for play is surely one of the basic human instincts.
Her post brought to mind one of the most extraordinary people I’ve known. He was a born teacher infusing his own life and the lives of those around him with imagination and play as a natural part of his instinct for life.
Steven and his lifelong friend Maria arrived in town one day, found a small space they could rent to start a school and dubbed it Little Earth. Its first citizens were both kindergarten age kids and the dozens of figures emerging from the imaginations of this gifted pair. The little kids referred to them as the grownup kids because they took the imaginative adventures and instinctive games of children as seriously as any event in adult life. They accepted kids on their own terms, could speak their language, play with them, win their confidence and teach them through play-adapted methods.
They told dramatic tales with hand puppets and marionette shows, taking on the voices of all the characters as they either crouched behind the puppet theater or stood over it guiding strings that brought the flopping marionettes to life. The artifice disappeared as the puppets took on life in zany stories that always reflected back on what the kids were really going through. Drawing on their network of talented friends, they arranged visits by performers from street theater groups who taught the kids circus arts. Everyone learned to walk on stilts, perform acrobatics and turn into dangerous tigers and bears that challenged the ring master’s control and composure as he flashed his string whip. That intense training culminated in a public circus performance in a city park, the Greatest Show on Little Earth. Each kid, no matter how timid or bold, found a role to play and drew great cheers from the crowd.
Each year, All Species Day was celebrated by a parade around the downtown plaza, kids and parents together dressed as river otters, eagles, polar bears, and bearing signs about the endangered animals and how to protect them. Steven’s teaching, in particular, was filled with guitar accompanied songs for all instructive and fun occasions. Small and slender, he had a kid-like curiosity, wonder and imagination that saw the play and teaching possibilities in almost everything.
He also played the magician, appearing in his black top hat and tails over blue jeans. Coins, eggs, stuffed animals would appear and disappear, often with the tap of his magic cane over the upturned hat. Reaching for a handkerchief stuffed up his sleeve, he would be amazed as he drew forth an endless stream of red silk. And most miraculously, his assistant, Maria, would disappear in a huge smoke puff from his ever present flash powder. For Halloween evening, the two organized an outdoor extravaganza with bonfires, magic incantations, bursts of mysterious smoke, cauldrons of potions and a gentle witch and wizard presiding over all. There was a sense of instructive ceremony about all of Steven’s ideas. He cajoled the most reluctant kids into playing lead roles in dramas designed to stretch their ideas of who they were and what they could do.
This was not just dramatic flair. There were sound teaching principles woven through everything he created. Eventually, with the help of friends, he and Maria produced a book about Little Earth, and as the school grew into a much larger and more complicated place, they both retired to find new adventures. Steven fulfilled a lifelong dream of traveling to Egypt. There with his irrepressible personality, he befriended the sister of Gamal Abdel Nasser, the former ruler of the country, and persuaded her to support the establishment of a new school in Alexandria – based, of course, on Little Earth principles. After some years he continued his travels around the world and eventually found his way back to our small city.
But when he returned he brought the news that he had AIDS. Even then, he followed his instinct to teach through ceremony. One night he gathered a group of friends to share with them what the disease meant in his life and what his prospects were. After greeting many he had not seen in years and swapping many stories, he settled himself on the floor in the middle of the room and spread out in a semi-circle before him the dozens of small dark bottles that contained his daily regimen of pills. He swept his arm over all those medications and said simply: This is the umbrella of hope in the 90s. Always concerned that we know and learn, he described the symptoms he was living with, the impact of the medications and eventually made it clear that this chemical hope might not be effective.
He went through a long decline like most other AIDS patients of that time. Infections plagued and weakened him, minor strokes began to affect his concentration and memory, weakness kept him in a wheelchair, and his body started to shrink as eating became too painful. But he created one more ceremony before he died. He asked (and no one could ever refuse one of Steven’s requests) that a circle of friends join around him to be present for the end of his life. It was as if he wanted to be sure that his spirit would become one with our own. And so a small phone tree was organized, and one day my wife and I received the call to come.
He was unconscious by then and kept alive by means of an oxygen tank. One friend, who had come from San Francisco where he worked with AIDS patients, took a look at him lying on the bed and agreed that he was just about gone. He had seen a lot of this before. The attending nurse explained that Steven would probably go shortly after the oxygen tubes were removed. His sister, who had helped him through this long ending phase of life, said it was time, the tubes were taken out, and we held hands in a circle around his bed as he had wished. He managed a few rough-edged breaths, then a quiet one, then nothing. I doubt that anyone there thought of him as dead. We all took turns alone with him, saying personal good-byes. When I stood over him, his face still looked close to life, as if he might at wake any moment and start telling a story. All I could do was bend down and kiss him good-bye.
Naturally, we organized a costume parade to honor him. The procession around the central plaza was led by his off-white 62 Chevy with the fake feet sticking out of the half-open trunk – one of his trademarks -and followed by the rest of us in whatever costume pieces had come immediately to hand – along with a few of our musician friends playing familiar Little Earth songs. Then we packed ourselves into a church hall for an impromptu service, and each took turns reminiscing. The one I most remember was a story told by the AIDS worker from San Francisco.
One day he visited Steven and found him putting up on the walls a series of portraits, each surrounded by his fanciful painting. They all looked like small celebratory shrines. As he looked at the portraits, the visitor recognized each one. He turned to Steven and said: Steven, all these guys treated you horribly – they abused and betrayed you and left you in agony each time. Why are you putting all this up as if you’re honoring them? Steven answered quite simply: Yes, it’s true they hurt me – but they were all angels who brought love into my life, and I want to celebrate each one.
That was pure Steven, who died when he was 36. There is no forgetting him or the spirit he shared with everyone he knew – a spirit that might appear in a sudden flash of light tossed from his magic hand.
Who is that special person in your life who has helped in whatever way to wake up a sleeping part of your spirit?
Hi John! No matter what happens in our lives, we have a choice to see things in the way we want to – much like your friend did. He chose optimism and positivity facing so much negativity and harrow. We all have the same choice. A beautiful story indeed.
I have more than one person who has influenced me in that way. As I’ve become older. I have become that person in my own life – I influence myself and my own thoughts. I decide to feel alive, vibrant and full of thankfulness and life – until my final day. When other people have the same impact on me, it is icing on the cake. There is much more to love about life than to despise. Your inner attitude is the root!
Have a great day!
John D says
Dano – Thank you so much – Steven was such a treasure, I’m glad I’ve conveyed something about what it was like to know him. All of us at Little Earth, after years of being around him, just took him as part of our world. But when I tried to summarize briefly here what he did, what he brought to us, I saw all over again how amazing and unique he was. Everyone should have the good fortune to know such a magical person.
trustlight – I am deeply moved and humbled by your beautiful words. “To fly on the wings of gratitude for being alive” is exactly what I feel when reliving moments with Steven. I’m so glad that he can stay alive in memory to move you so deeply. Thank you!
Thank you for the inspiration to open my dictionary for to start the play .
I was deeply touched by your post and just don’t know what to say : we can either talk about the love and the need to awake our slumbering spirit or to love – not to muse about how-to but just to fly on the wings of the gratitude for being alive.
Your post picked up me from my sick bed – while writing I feel myself like a giant who was seated back in awe towards the divine light which silence all our musings
Dano MacNamarrah says
You have written an exquisite post about your dear friend Steven. I was so deeply touched when I read about his final passage.
But what shone through was the man himself. I was filled with visions of his life, one so clearly colourful, imaginative, caring and deeply giving. It is clear that he led a life filled with joy and passed this on to countless others.
I am so sorry for the terrible loss of such a great man. I’m saddened that I never had the opportunity to meet him. I wish that there were many more of his ilk walking about.
But I am so grateful that you have kept him alive, just as the kids he taught carry on his message. Although he died too soon, he gave so much. His death will not be in vain.
Chunks of Reality says
Just stopping in to say hello! I hope that your Thanksgiving was wonderful. 🙂
John D says
Dear Chunks – Thank you once more for being here and being so generous, as you always are.
Irrepressible CK – Your praise always means a lot to me. The image of the circle is so apt – just as Steven would have thought of it. His teaching lives on for all who knew him. Thank you for your comment – it’s great to hear from you again.
John D says
Melinda – Thank you so much. Stories like this, as you know from the experience you describe, have been so tragically common. A writer friend in Santa Fe did an in-depth profile for the local weekly (an extraordinary newspaper) of a former colleague of mine who was dying of AIDS. It was a powerful story, most of which took place in San Francisco in the 70s and 80s. At the urging of this victim, whom I knew so well, he tried to have a book published about a terribly anguished life. But for the commercial book trade, it was “old news” by the early 90s, and they would have none of it. That added insult to this loss for his close friends. I’m glad for World AIDS day as an ongoing tribute to all those who struggled and died long before their time. Their suffering will never be “old news.”
Catatonic Kid says
Thank you for such a transcendentally beautiful post, John. Simple in the same way Steven’s spirit obviously reached you – like a perfect circle. Deeply connected to truths that just are, and are therefore something to be treasured with great joy.
Chunks of Reality says
OMG your blog is beautiful. You just amaze me with the pictures every time!
I hope that you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!
What a powerful story–and one that brought back a lot of memories for me. I lived in San Francisco all during the 80’s–was an actor and musician (and as you know, later a heroin addict). I lost so many friends to AIDS, it was as though a plague fell over the city. It was such a heartbreaking time. I am going to be dedicating my “Bloggers Unite for World Aids Day” post on Monday to a person I know who has been living with AIDS since the 1980’s. She acquired the disease before there were any good treatments. While most of my friends declined quickly at that time (as the person in your post), she somehow survived until they came up with the better treatments of the 1990’s.
You write so beautifully–it really does touch the reader’s heart.