Depression at Work-3: Should You Change Your Job or Your Life?

Sooner or later depression forces you to make changes in your worklife. If adapting at your present job doesn’t help, then it’s probably time to look at other possibilities. However difficult, impractical or even impossible the alternatives might seem, it’s worth considering what else you could do.

This post looks at three strategies that could help you manage depression by changing your work situation: frequent job changes, getting out of a toxic work environment, or changing the type of work you do. These are a few ideas to help you come up with your own solution. At the least, they might help you ask the right questions about what you want and need.

1. Moving from Job to Job

Many people have learned to handle depression by shifting jobs frequently. Their experience tells them that if they try to stay with one job too long, the limits imposed by their illness will undermine performance and probably lead to their being fired anyway. They need full-time employment, and this way they avoid having a job history with a long string of dismissals.

Others know they can’t handle the stress and social interaction of a steady job. Doing temporary work that moves them from one short-term assignment to another is one solution. Finding a way to earn money from home could be another. However they manage, they’ve adapted, in many cases, to earning just enough money to get by.

You might well feel that this approach carries too much uncertainty for you. Or perhaps you need to have steadier work to feel like your doing something productive with your life. If that’s the case, but you can’t deal with your present job, you could look at the work environment you’re in every day. That could be a major problem.

2. Finding a Better Work Environment

A damaging work environment that overloads you with work and high stress is getting to be the norm. Surveys report 40-50% of US workers work under high stress and need help learning how to manage it. Stress is linked to many health problems, including depression. If you have severe and recurrent depression, a toxic workplace will only intensify your illness.

As Tony Giordano describes his experience in It’s Not All In Your Head, his workplace had become punishing, abusive and unfair. He faced a combination of impossible deadlines, job insecurity, backbiting among workers fearing for their jobs and managers taking out their own shortcomings on staff. Combined with depression, these conditions gradually undermined his ability to function.

If you’re trying to manage a job in a workplace like that, while also living with major depression, you could run the risk of a collapse like the one Giordano went through. You may have to find a better work environment, hard as it is to find one, just to keep going.

But if these strategies don’t help, maybe it’s time to look at the type of work that you’ve been doing.

3. Changing Your Work, Changing Your Life

It’s not easy to figure out if the work you know best and have been doing for a long time is actually making your illness worse. In the midst of severe depression, it can be impossible to function well in any occupation. After the worst is over, however, you may be able to return to your job or profession and be as effective as before. Hopefully, you would also find it just as fulfilling and rewarding as it has always been.

But it could be that any progress you make in treatment is lost as soon as you get back to your familiar work. After trying other strategies, you may realize that the problem is not about employers or clients, not about the atmosphere of the workplace, or the number of hours you put in each day or anything else in the conditions of your work. It must be something about the work itself that is worsening depression and generally undermining your well-being.

Barriers to Change

Personal Investment: That’s a conclusion, though, that you might resist and avoid for years because you have so much invested in doing this particular type of work well. Admitting that it’s become impossible to pursue might seem like a terrible defeat, a surrender to the illness.

Financial Risk: You ask yourself: How else could you possibly earn a living? There’s no way you could swing it financially. You can’t afford to lose your income, even for a few months. You’re sure that it’s totally impractical, nothing but dreaming.

Depressed Thinking: When depressed, you probably have trouble making any decision, let alone one about changing the life you now lead. You also tend to underestimate yourself. You may be convinced you’re not talented enough to do anything else, even an occupation you’d always hoped you could do.

You may feel too empty and lacking in energy to make the effort. Depressed thinking is also telling you that there’s no point in trying since you’d probably fail. You’re convinced you couldn’t learn new skills, especially if it means going back to school or enrolling in a more limited training program.

In the end, even if all these thoughts and beliefs win out, you have still made a choice – to do nothing. For many years, I couldn’t get around obstacles like these. Staying with it, however, ultimately led to a collapse in my ability to function. Doing nothing was no longer a choice. Like it or not, I had to take the leap.

Finding Alternatives

Temporary Work: The problem is that the longer you wait to take action, the fewer alternatives you have. At that point, you may have to take the first job you can find, often at low pay. You might try the strategy of frequent job shifting or relying on temporary work. Or, if depression is too severe, or other opportunities too limited, you might need to get out of the workforce altogether.

Leaving the Workforce: If you’re fortunate, you might have a retirement option or a good severance package from your last job. If you work for a large company or public agency, they might offer an early retirement incentive as they try to reduce the workforce. Or you might qualify for a disability pension – either from an employer or from Social Security.

Planning Ahead: If you give yourself enough lead time, you could plan ahead with the help of a therapist who specializes in transitions of this type. I think it’s important to consult with someone who has a good grasp of the possibilities. The more depressed you are, the more help you need to open your thinking to new possibilities, identify the skills you have, and focus on the practical possibilities of finding more fulfilling and less stressful work.

There’s no formula for this and no easy way to do it. But you may have to make such a major change to manage depression. It’s a matter of balancing practical needs with the more basic ones of regaining health, saving relationships, perhaps even staying alive.

Have you had to make changes in your worklife to adapt to depression? What strategies have you tried, and how much have they helped? Have you been able to deal with the financial problem? Are there barriers that still stand in your way?

Image by oedipusphinx at Flickr

63 Responses to “Depression at Work-3: Should You Change Your Job or Your Life?”

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  1. Jay says:

    I am writing this because I hope it helps. The work I do breaks my spirit every day I take it on. I sell a proprietary school in the US to prospective students who conspire with this industry to take advantage of the Federal Student Aid system. The degrees we sell ultimately lead to crippling debt and very little prospects for betterment. To be a part of the process of marketing and selling something so damning is soul crippling for me. The environment around me is even more depressing. My peers are just getting by in life, coping with the life they have arrived at, always a thought away from despair. They are not self-aware enough to realize they simply rationalize their existence, they make it ok for themselves to exist on Earth. I find it insufferable and loathe myself for coming back to it day after day. I feel like I am mutilating my spirit, spirit being whatever it is people tap into for the sake of vitality, for the sake of meaning. In “Man’s Search for Meaning” Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor, says the main source of human despair is not living a life that is attune to the essence of our being. To put it simply, he says life only sucks and will always suck when you don’t live it pursuing your dreams.
    For the better part of my life I have wanted to be a professional writer. I have been crippled by fear and self-destructive behavior thus far. Recently, through research, I have learned that writing is a feasible dream. Depression, fear, and anxiety have brought me here though, because when faced with the information I needed to get my life going I resorted to habit and sabotaged my efforts, arriving here, on this site, to face despair one more time. I thank you all for sharing your story. I feel I owed you mine. I hope we can all find a way to our dreams, our better selves. Human life is a miracle, but depression blinds us to that truth and all the beauty life affords. I hope to defeat despair and face my fears before I lose the capacity to hope at all.

  2. mark says:

    My job as of late has led me to take 5 months off last year. I got back to work in January, but its gone down the toilet again. The job I do is not what it once was, its become much harder, so hard in fact im finding it just about impossible to keep my head above the large waves. I have had problems with tachographs, and incurred infringements, and then had warnings and final warnings about them. They make the excuse that the company’s operating licence is at stake because of what I am doing; rubbish, I am just one very small part of a very small cog in a very large machine; I am nothing, I am worthless. I used to like my job very much, but when they keep adding all kinds of ideas, and schemes to improve things it just depresses the hell outa me. Why? because it more than I can deal with just to do what I NEED to do right now; and they then add more!
    I keep hoping that I have a terrible accident at work and get a big payout (if I survive, which I hope I dont). I just want to end it, but I dont know how. Thats why the tragic accident happens, and with me, (with a self fulfilling prophesy in life), getting killed in it. I have tried taking lots and lots of tablets, usually 40 to 50 paracetamol each time, but that just has me feeling ill.
    Its like I blink and say, “what was that”?, that was your life mate, you’ve had it, there is no chance of a re-run, or a refund. I dont want one. I wont be missed when I go. I’m quite sure that my wife wants to see the back of me; that my daughter thinks im a waste of space. I hope it happens soon because im losing interest in spending my weekends drinking myself into oblivion.

  3. notkuroda says:

    I’ve had fits of depression my whole life. The last couple of months have turned into hell. This article really resonated with me because my depression is directly linked to my work/life situation. I got married and had kids at a very young age, and have been working at my current job for 15 years. My first wife, and mother of my children, dumped me about 10 years ago. It’s always been my first priority to be a good father, so I stayed here in Florida(I hate this place) after moving from Colorado(I loved that place), live close to my kids(one’s 12 one’s in college), and work this job that provides good pay and benefits and takes good care of my family. But I hate it. I literally feel dread from the moment I get up in the morning till about 2 hours after I get home, when I lay down and quit my day. I don’t have a bachelors degree so I can’t imagine what else I would do. I know if I leave, I’m going to make a lot less than I do now. I don’t have any other skills, and I’ve done well by just performing well at my job. Now I couldn’t care less, but I’m still here. If I quit I’m going to miss the things that I do that require money. I’m an avid music fan, and going to see music is where most of my social life lies, and I won’t be able to afford to do it. I don’t know how I would sell myself to do anything else. And I don’t want to leave my kids hung up to dry, my ex wife barely works(she’s an artist and a student) who relies on my support to live and the kids rely on me for extras like music lessons and art classes. I feel like if I quit I’m not doing my best for my family(I am remarried, and my wife is wonderful). I don’t have any confidence that I can do anything else, but I feel like if I don’t I’m going to die. I am preparing myself for a big leap of faith. First step is to tackle the depression. I’ve started seeing a new therapist who I really like and I think she’s going to be able to help me quite a bit. I saw a psychiatrist also who started me on Viibryd(I’ve been on Welbutrin for a year, which helped for awhile but apparently has petered out). I want to believe in myself. I want to believe again that I have friends that love me, and stop avoiding them because I don’t want them to see me cry. I want to be a good example for my daughter, who is in therapy herself because of her own issues with depression and anxiety. I want my wife to be happy to be with me, and not walking on eggshells. I want to live a life that blows my mind, in a beautiful place, with the freedom to do most everything I want. I believe this can all happen in one part of my brain. I just want the other part, the part that seems to be controlling me, to believe it too.

  4. F Walker says:

    Everything mentioned in this article and the comments by users all hit home with me. I have tried to find another job, no one will hire me. I am a service connected disabled veteran suffering from depression, federal jobs won’t even give me the time of day with my veterans rating. I tried to apply for vocational rehab via the VA, I was turned away. When I try to think of other things I can do, doom and gloom clouds my mind. I am sick of it all and feel this life is garbage and is not worth living. My job doesn’t appreciate me, my military service (no one cares about it), I lost my marriage and soon my job.

  5. Melissa says:

    This article is enlightening. I feel it’s encouraging that I’m not alone in this obstacle and disease. I’ve only just begun to really start to take this seriously as I transitioned into a position that started to wear me out in just a matter of months. I spent the last 8 years with this company and was told the only way to excel into a position that I truly want is to be involved in a sales position and do well there first. It’s been tormenting me because the sales aspect of this job is incredibly stressful and it’s making me lose hope for my future success. I’m a talented person in many ways and know that I can be amazing in the role I want without sales entirely, but I’ve been forced into this decision that is destroying me from the inside out. My financial situation is worse due to depression and have been afraid to move on because this job has so many benefits but I can’t decide what’s better… losing my job for my sanity or losing my sanity and inevitably losing my job anyway? I guess the question answers itself but I’m too scared to believe it.

  6. Sy Johnson says:

    It is so great to see that what I’ve been doing for years, is actually a practical coping mechanism. I have changed jobs every few years all of my adult life and I am 60 now. Its very validating to know that doing this can be a way to cope with depression. I have never chosen to share this information in the workplace – afraid of the stigma. I have worked in the private sector, the public sector and even had my own small consulting business for a number of years. I have steadily moved up the career ladder, and I found this site as I wrestled with the news I have been put on a performance improvement plan. I have stayed at current job longer than any other, and it seems it shows. I felt so defeated, but this article makes me put the focus back on my disorder, and hope I can figure out how to avoid financial risk of getting fired before I can find another job. Thank you for the site, and for this article.

  7. CHRIS says:

    Having just read this statement, I see soo much in here that makes soo much sense, and much of this does resonate with myself.

    I am male, mid 30′s, facing depression thats crippling me in passion and everything almost, that I do. I am also stuck in a job that if I could successfully, without any pain whatsoever – commit suicide to get out of it. Let me tell you, that I live in absolute mind torture over 75-80%% of the time, and when I even begin to think about doing something interesting, my mind goes blank, nearly all of the time, to the point where often, I cant even do anything. I am currently learning basic portugese – as I do love traveling when I get time off, and portugal and gran canaria are of 2 exotic places that I like to visit. But at times, when I am there, the pain is numbed, I still find it hard to go to a pub, hotel room for entertainment and sit there without a drink, and alcohol and costs arent cheap either. Also, it isnt like I have any options to be able to support myself traveling for several months at a time, because jobs are few&far between nowadays.

    I recently went to a tree of life event for a talk about raising kundalini and sexual energy via tantra, but then it turned out – during the sample the talker gave to us, that we had to have a partner to perform the task with, which rumbled me and completely threw me off balance. I couldnt perform as a result – simply being, I have a problem interracting with most of the opposite sex unfortunately, and i often sense that the vast majority of them sincerely look down on me. Im not saying that this is true, but I do feel vibes of this, but I could be looking on the dark side of things, but then, in my adolescent years, I was picked on by both boys&girls growing up equally, and laughed at basically. I have actually been solo for nearly 7 years now and feeling that the worst was all in the past, I decided to reopen my mind again to the possibilities, but this event made me realise that Im not even close to such an encounter. I just couldnt also help feel that everyone tried to avoid me at the time also, and when 1 person finally came to ask me, i was like “im sorry but I just dont feel comfortable with this” and in my mind, i just felt like the person just felt like she was doing this ungenuinely. (I have to feel comfortable with a person and have a small array of feelings before I can commit to doing such a thing also).

    I would definately like to learn tantra though and how to be stimulative, spiritual, positive, healthy and vibrant. I have already been meditating for – what will be, 2 years on 22nd february this year. But, if you need to be paired up then I guess thats the end of this for myself. But if I either suffer from feeling that Im not even good enough for pairing up (or the alternate scenario being that people wouldnt want to be seen dead with or near me?)this isnt going to help either. I really shouldnt be concerning about things like this at the age of 35. I should be living, thriving, being happy, healthy, in nature, traveling, making friends with people, being full of fun and life without drinking or wanting to be on the astral plane so to speak, but quite simply this just isnt happening.

    I have been depressed on&off for many years, and being picked on definately has been humiliating but im also lacking motivation to be something special and inteligent. I play bass guitar occasionally, but the motivation to pick it up is becoming truely much more difficult, and knowing how to better the playing is even more soo difficult. Ive been like this for many years and its simply becoming close to a virtual living hell.

    I am also incapable of crying, due to being shamed for it in my younger years and now feel fear to be able to do this (my ego is protecting me in a way but it is also imprisoning me and causing me to have no health). I guess maybe I feel worthy of very little? and let me tell you that it is not nice feeling like this. I still live at home, and feel ashamed of being lazy at home too. I would love nothing more than to be this fun loving guy, who is helpful, does things without giving them a thought, knows how to make people smile compassionately, make them laugh, humor them, show genuine love&affection and to be loved but I guess I am in a state where I fear all of this and simply dont know how to overcome it. I know for people who have no problems, would think “why do you think like this? just go for things in life and show things” but it sadly isnt easy, and I suffer with a degree of social phobia too. Despite the fact that I have often gone out to rock clubs in my mid 20′s to early 30′s on my own due to just dancing the night away with a few drinks and having some enjoyment, Im still not 100%. Infact, i clearly remember the best time of my life was from september 1988 – july/august 1989 being in the last year at junior school with a teacher who I still think the world of to t his very day. Things began ok in senior school but alittle nervously as we all go through those feelings when we graduate to a higher level as we never know what to expect, but during the years, i began to experience bullying more&more.

    On a side note, I didnt help myself by not going out much as a child either, despite the fact that my mom tried to encourage me to go out and play (bless her for that)but even then, i didnt have the courage to ask people if they wanted to go out&play etc, and i ended up playing on a computer system quite often from age 10-16 untill I finally did start to go out alot more, but by then, I was behind in the social communication skills, and could I meet new people and interract positively? could I hell!

    While I believe work is making me alot worse now due to the loads they put on us, and the physicality of it, im becoming alot more tired, after walking agood 6-7miles a day with lots of mail bags to carry, and this could be hampering my efforts at the gym too.

    I really wish I could overcome all of this and just live gracefully like many normal great advanced thinking people can. To be able to give love and be loved by the love of my life, to share great times, to be happy in all the things that I do/wish to do, be confident, quick witted, inteligent and to excell in some format of my life would be a dream come true. To also be able to inspire great friends and be a shining light in their lives is something id like to be

    The things that inspire me, are meditation, health food, health&nutrition (but not just conventional thinking when it comes to health&nutritional food), music of most kinds, (am listening to enya right now), spirituality (not religion or new age)fitness, weight training, playing bass and even attempting to sing a note occasionally (i dont have a professional vocal range though), nature, volcanoes (the subject of) but my own motivation is preventing me from thriving in knowledge of all of these topics and its heart breaking. I cant believe I have shared many of my issues on here but then I guess no one knows who I am in person otherwise it could be alittle embarrassing.

    I cant give advice obviously, but I do want to try a form of single’s tantra, meditation and if i can find a place that does tai-chi then perform this also. They say this is meant to really work wonders but I cant really confide in this knowledge without knowing from experience.

    • anthony says:

      yeah man – I work thirds and I have problems with it. I had to move my bro in so I could step down from a good paying job that depresses me, that is going to make my girl friend break up with me, and my kid would have to have joint custody at the age 1. But I’m stepping down to have a normal life. I’m happy with my decision no matter what.

      • CHRIS says:

        Only just noticed your reply. What do you mean by thirds? and which reason did you give of the gf breaking up with you? for taking a lower paid job? if so, you have met a really bad person dude :(

        you have to do what makes you happy, and this is what gets me with soo many people, all they think about is materialism, and the high paid money box basically. I think I give up on the majority of society to be honest as all many tend to do is think about is money, fame, and getting the fast car and most expensive thing going. Give me a choice between anything and I would choose being in nature and warm sun anyday. I wish you all the best with the life, and I am really glad you are doing what’s right for you. I have made one thing clear in my life though, I will never have kids as I dont trust anyone enough to have them with and I will not become a pay check and wageslave to an ex partner who turned out to be nasty and didnt like me for who I really could be as a person. Not only that, but I couldnt handle the responsibility of kids and the way the world is heading, I dont feel the reason for bringing any of my own up in.

  8. Woman anonymous says:

    Hello everyone. I am so glad I came across this site. I can sympathasize with all that you are going through. Anyone else felt a sense of both heaviness and relief reading the article and the comments? The heaviness of knowingg so many of us are suffering from depression and yet the happiness of knowing that I am not alone. I have had depression for as long as I can remember and was an unhappy child. I am in the health profession, but have not worked in a few months. I did not quit my job. I just stopped taking on more cases. I hoped I would get better on my own and not working and living a more spiritual and balanced life. My boyfriend is generally supportive of me, but I know he is getting impatient with me and feels that I am lazy and do not want to work. I am living with my boyfriend and not working has made me feel worse as my identity was wrapped up in my profession. I have read the book “finding your own North Star” by Martha Beck which has helped me immensely to learn more about myself. I have suffered from a lack of self-esteem as I am 29 years of age and the longest time I have worked is 3 years. I didn’t work for a whole year and then found another job and worked for another year before quitting again. I live in shame and battle against myself because I am constantly comparing myself to my ‘normal’ colleagues who have children of their own and appear to be able to handle stresses and multi-task extremely well. I read books on mindfulness and pray to God when I am particularly stressed. I wasn’t to be free of this depression. I wish I have accepted that I will live with it for probably the rest of my life. I have a severely depressed sibling who has no worked for 6-7 years straight. I know we had a genetic predisposition for depression. I am suffering from depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and avoidant personality disorder. Good luck to all of you in this forum. May we all learn to love ourselves and to better handle our situations more.

    • Royal says:

      Omg woman anonymous! I relate to you fully. As I am typing this I’m not at work since I feel so depressed. I want to quit, but I am concerned about others being disappointed in me. I am so sick of the office environment. It’s suffocating to me. I think we perhaps have the same diagnoses, though ive never been officially diagnosed. I am afraid of how those diagnoses will affect my future career. My career could be ruined anyway if I don’t do something though. My daughter keeps me going, but it’s hard to keep feeling up, chipper and happy. I don’t like talking to people all of the time. I would love to just be out in nature and going wherever my mind takes me. I haven’t worked at one place for more than a year and I’m 27. Kind of embarrassing to say, but now I understand how the depression is impacting my life. Not sure what to do, but your comment really resonated with me. I had to say something.

  9. Chris says:

    [...] So, many of you have described my situation. I am tired of thinking about this mess and ready to get over with it. I dont see any little pills or psychiatrist helping.

    • Frances McCarthy says:

      Chris, the little pills can help but it takes time to find the right ones. They help though not the answer to everything. A good pyschologist can help. I found CBT useful and practical. All the best

  10. Renia says:

    This post really hits home. I have been in the same field for the last 10 years and just graduated with my b.s. in psychology in October 2012 and I am now in grad school working toward my MS in forensic psychology. I feel as though my education is all for nothing since I am still stuck in the same job. After working the last 4 years on 3rd shift I am completely exhausted. No matter how much sleep I get I still feel exhausted. I dread going to work every night to the point of tears. The emptiness inside is eating away at the very essence of my humanity. I want to stay in bed and never get up. That isn’t possible. I have three children who need me so I force myself to get through each day and force myself to a job I now hate every night. My husband doesn’t have a job and hasn’t for a while. He doesn’t seem to care so I just go through the days like a robot. Our relationship is honestly over and we communicate very little because I am in such a bad place mentally and emotionally. When you are married to someone who doesn’t even put in applications to help get you out of the job that is weighing you down …..well it tends to add to the depression. I don’t know what to do but so far applying for other jobs isn’t going anywhere. I’ve given up on life and instead of living my life, I am simply trying to cope from day to day.

    • Melany says:

      I don’t know if you’ll even read this, but I honestly hope that you don’t give up hope even if you don’t ever see this. I don’t know how old your children are, but I’m sure they sense that you are unhappy, and I’m sure they want nothing but the best for you. Coming from someone who, at 8 years old, convinced her mother not to commit suicide, I know that I wanted nothing but the best for my parents. I truly wished that my parents had stayed apart after their divorce; I feel that this would have improved all of our lives greatly. If the relationship is over and you are supporting him, why are you continuing to enable his lazy and/or depressive behavior? What is keeping you from kicking him out of the picture? I’m not saying you should leave him, because it’s really not my business, but I want you to think about that and come to your own decision. I also believe that you should, if you have the privacy, keep a journal or a sketchbook or a combination of the two. Just something to release your feelings and keep track of your dreams and goals so you don’t lose sight of them. Or maybe you need someone to talk to about all this, like a friend or a therapist. I strongly advise you keep your family out, though, only because they can sometimes exacerbate a situation like this without meaning to. I know mine did. I also know that putting in applications isn’t all you have to do to get a job; you have to follow up. Call once a week for the jobs you actually could do without hating, if you don’t have the option to call up on jobs you’d really want. Just until you can get something better. Just keep working towards your goals. It will be extraordinarily hard, but it can be done. Anything truly worth having is worth working for. I recently came from a long relationship where I did the giving and he did the taking – he and his father sat on their lazy asses while I worked 2 part-time jobs and went to school; they couldn’t even be bothered to cook for themselves or clean up after themselves – and I am now looking at working in fast food until I can get something better. But I know things will get better. Lastly, I hope dearly that you still have one or two close friends you can turn to when things start to get rough. At the very least, see if you can include a therapist in your budget; it’s what I had to do because I closed myself off from all my old friends. And really, if you love your kids, you will do something that will make you happy. It’s sort of hard for me to know what being happy is like, because I wasn’t exposed to it as a child and now I am battling depression; the best thing you can do for your children is show them you can overcome this and serve as a role model for them. I really wish that I had a role model as a child, and I think every child should be able to look up to their mother, the woman that brought them into this world. You sound like you haven’t given up on school, even though it feels like it’s not worth it. Trust me, it is! Don’t give up on your education! If forensic psychology is really what you want to do, never, ever give up on that. I still, to this day, look down on my mother for giving up her dreams to become a veterinarian. She could have done so much good for this world and served as a role model to me, but she decided to irresponsibly party her ass off and quit school. Your situation is different, obviously, but my point is you should not quit school. Especially not when you’ve already come so far. Never give up on your dreams! You are the woman your children look up most to, even if they don’t act like it. When, despite everything, you walk away with a master’s and pursue the career you want, you will be fucking Wonder Woman. No joke. Both you and your kids will be WAY happier. Please, please don’t give up. It will get better.

    • Steve says:

      What about some counselling. There may be free help…either through a gov’t agency, non-profit, or faith organization.

      I hope things work out for you.

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