Dreams, Depression & Spirituality - 2

Posted by JohnD Sun, 09 Mar 2008 23:19:00 GMT

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Some Rights Reserved by Elena Acin at Flickr

Insightful comments by Stephany and Jane are helping me get to another stage in dealing with depression. In a previous post I started wondering if there might be a very different way of imagining and experiencing this illness. Could there be a way of adapting that started with different assumptions about the condition than the purely negative ones I’ve always accepted? I wondered if depression, which I fight hard to get out of my life, and creativity, which I embrace and cultivate, might be different faces of a psychic force trying to take its place in my mind and the actions of my life? Jane mentioned Eckhart Tolle’s experience of depression as a step toward his experience of enlightenment, and Stephany wrote that “when we leave for a depression, I think we fear losing ourselves and not being able to return to what we considered good… .” She adds that we could look at this as a renewal process, that “we come back with more of ourself.” That’s a wonderful image of leaving for depression and returning with a sense of renewal, as if from a vacation.

So I’ve been asking myself: if I were less combative with depression, accepted it more like a step toward a higher knowledge of myself, would it make the whole experience of living with the condition something more positive? Could I come to see it, not like losing half my waking life, but like gaining ground on healing and spiritual insight? Like most people, I have had many powerful spiritual experiences, but I haven’t connected those with depression – until now. And in my typically associative way, these two things come together in a dream.

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What Depression Can Do - 1: Disappearing

Posted by JohnD Sat, 18 Aug 2007 00:07:00 GMT

I can't remember when this started happening. I'm walking about in everyday life reacting to nothing, feeling nothing, and it's happening now when I'm on the job, running a meeting with 20 people around a table. This is not the self-control I developed as a kid, the bottling up of intense feeling out of a refusal to show it to anyone directly, unfiltered. No, this is empty shell time. Things I felt so intensely about yesterday are like nothing to me now. What was that thing I was so hoping to do, or that I dreaded? I can't even remember. I'm floating in a gray cloud, nothing clear, nothing vivid. I'm not even worried about not knowing where I am or which way is up. It doesn't matter.

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