Posted by JohnD
Sun, 27 Jan 2008 21:56:00 GMT
Some Right Reserved by Dimitry Kichenco
The storm passed. The huge trees fell beside our house. My angry, blaming depression spent itself in a fury of hard work cutting up the fallen timber, hauling branches into heaps, lifting and shoving back in place every wind-strewn planter and potted tree that had rolled away under the force of a 60 mph north wind. And then for a couple of weeks, the other side of depression emerged, imposing its quieter and more destructive character. I was full of bleak thoughts, hurting inside, carrying around a weight in my chest that was trying to pull me down into some dark lost place in a hidden underworld. My mind stopped working, settled into a fog of slow motion thought where every intention to do anything emerged only dimly in the mist. Life comes close to a standstill.
What can you do in the midst of that fog?
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Posted in What Depression Can Do, Surviving at Work, Experience with Treatments, Fighting Depression, Men and Depression | Tags action, ADD, adderall, depression, emsam, exercise, focus, medication, men, paralysis, treatment, writing | 4 comments
Posted by JohnD
Sat, 18 Aug 2007 00:07:00 GMT
I can't remember when this started happening. I'm walking about in everyday life reacting to nothing, feeling nothing, and it's happening now when I'm on the job, running a meeting with 20 people around a table. This is not the self-control I developed as a kid, the bottling up of intense feeling out of a refusal to show it to anyone directly, unfiltered. No, this is empty shell time. Things I felt so intensely about yesterday are like nothing to me now. What was that thing I was so hoping to do, or that I dreaded? I can't even remember. I'm floating in a gray cloud, nothing clear, nothing vivid. I'm not even worried about not knowing where I am or which way is up. It doesn't matter.
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Posted in What Depression Can Do, Surviving at Work | Tags action, anesthetic, consciousness, disappearing, floating, missing, work | 2 comments
